Check out these helpful tips for how to teach kids to be grateful this year

As parents, guiding our kids toward living a life of gratitude is no easy feat. After all, how do we actually teach our kids what gratitude means and how they can demonstrate it on a daily basis? It starts with simple acts and words that even the youngest of kids can understand. (Also, try reading these books about gratitude.) Here are a few specific examples to get your little one in the habit—you can thank us later.

1. Give back to the community. Acts of service are great ways to instill gratitude in kids. Consider participating in a local park clean-up, donating canned goods to a food pantry, or giving away unused clothes and toys. There are also lots of ways you can volunteer right from your own home.

2. Ask your kids to name one thing they're grateful for every night. Starting this habit helps kids (and adults) remember what is good in our lives, and that we are grateful for even the smallest of things. This can be during a dinner conversation or before bed.

3. Make a good deed calendar. Use it in the holiday months as a countdown or year-round to inspire kids to pay it forward every day.

4. Teach them to "work" for a reward. I'm sure we've lost track of how many times our kids ask for a new toy or something fun. The next time your little one wants another hour of screen time, how about telling them to complete a household chore before getting the reward? Receiving a reward after work always makes the treat feel more well-deserved.

5. Integrate gratitude with holidays and special days. Thanksgiving and Christmas aren't the only holidays that are all about gratitude. Other days where it's equally important to teach kids the meaning of the holiday and how they can be grateful for it include Veterans Day and Memorial Day are teaching opportunities for kids to be grateful for service members.

6. Model saying "please" and "thank you." There's no substitute for good manners. Regularly using words like "please" and "thank you" gets little ones to remember to be grateful while demonstrating respect to others.

7. Gratitude goes both ways, so make sure to say "thank you" to your kids. As parents, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to show appreciation to our little ones. So when they do something kind or follow directions, remember to say "thank you." It may seem like a small gesture, but they will know you're grateful.

8. Teach them about food security. It can be hard for young kids to understand what it's like to not have enough food in their bellies. We've got easy ways to help them understand and ideas on how to give back.

9. Look for the positive in even the most difficult situations. It's easy to focus on the negative, especially when a situation doesn't go our way. Helping kids focus on the positive (even if it's a small positive) will go a long way in helping them feel grateful in life, even during difficult times like we are experiencing now.

Related: 8 Easy Ways Your Kids Can Give Back All Year Round

how to teach your kid to be grateful
iStock

10. Send notes of gratitude. Don't reserve your "thank you" notes for birthday gifts and holiday cards. Teach your kids the importance of gratitude by having them write a note or draw a picture for a special person each month. This could be a grandparent, a neighbor, a teacher or a community member.

11. Turn holiday gifting into an opportunity to give back. With the holidays approaching and kids making their wish lists of toys, try making a new kind of list. Have your kiddos write down a few gift ideas they'd like to give to others. So rather than focusing simply on the getting, it's also about giving. Check out also these gifts that give back with every purchase.

12. Gift experiences not gifts. Kids who get tons of presents for holidays might not appreciate it when another one comes along. Gifting experiences like museum memberships or a special day with mom or dad can be something they remember long after that last toy gets chucked under their bed.

13. Create a gratitude jar. A mason jar is the start of this fun activity the whole family can participate in. A few times a week have everyone write down what they are grateful for. Then, have a special night where you read them all aloud.

14. Try out Turkey on the Table. This one is specific to Thanksgiving but is a fun way to get the flood of gratitude going. The feathers of this festive turkey are things that each family member is grateful for. You add them in the weeks before Thanksgiving and then read them aloud after dinner. Check it out here.

15. Discuss "needs" versus "wants." This one's more for the older kids but you can get the discussion started even at younger ages. Thinking about what we need to survive versus everything else can help kids to be grateful when they get those little "extras."

16. Read books about gratefulness. There are tons of great books where the characters share what makes them thankful. Consider adding one of these to your family bookshelf.

17. Write down a reverse bucket list. Instead of focusing on things they want, have kids write down things they have done and loved. This shift in focus will reframe this time of year away from all the wants.

18. Be a grateful parent. Kids learn from observing. There's no better way to demonstrate gratitude than for you to show how much YOU are thankful in life.

“Your biopsy came back. It’s cancer. You’re going to be fine but we need to make a plan.”

In the days leading up to October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Katie Couric is revealing that she was diagnosed with breast cancer over the summer. The award-winning author and journalist, who lost her husband to colon cancer in 1998, is now sharing her story in hopes that women won’t skip potentially life-saving mammograms.

Couric posted her journey on katiecouric.com, detailing everything from filming her own mammogram procedure to her diagnosis and treatment. Of particular importance, was the message from her doctor: “Your tumor is hormone receptor-positive, Her2neu-negative and highly treatable, particularly if it was detected early.

Related: Every Breast Cancer Story Needs to Be Told

Couric revealed that while she hadn’t skipped her annual mammogram entirely, in the business of life she had forgotten to schedule it. Thankfully, her doctor prompted her to get in for her appointment six months late, which could have made all the difference for early detection of her breast cancer.

Related: How I Told My Kids I Had Breast Cancer

Once she had a plan with her doctor, they immediately started treatment which involved a lumpectomy, radiation and five years of an aromatase inhibitor.

“Throughout the process, I kept thinking about two things: How lucky I was to have access to such incredible care, since so many people don’t. And how lucky I was to be the beneficiary of such amazing technology. It made me feel grateful and guilty — and angry that there’s a de facto caste system when it comes to healthcare in America,” says Couric.

The American Cancer Society states that about 287,850 new cases of breast cancer will be diagnosed in women in 2022. In all, a woman has a 13% chance of developing the diseased sometime in her life.

Couric leaves readers with her advice: “Please get your annual mammogram. I was six months late this time. I shudder to think what might have happened if I had put it off longer. But just as importantly, please find out if you need additional screening.”

The season of giving is here, but it’s essential to teach your children gratitude every day. How do we teach such an abstract concept to a developing brain? By incorporating some unexpected and quick practices into our daily routine.

1. Show Your Kids How to Be Grateful
Children may not love to be told what to do, but they do love to mimic everything around them. Instead of instructing your child to be grateful, show them through your actions and words. Thank your children, say please and excuse me when necessary, and talk about your appreciation for when they or other family members do something of note. Incorporate it into a game like “Freeze Dance” to subtly drive the message home. Play some music and have the children dance. Stop the music at different times, and tell the children to “Freeze.” While they are frozen, have the children name what they are thankful for when you point at them, trying not to repeat any answers. Make sure that everyone gets a turn to share one or two things for which they are thankful.

2. Offer to Help
It’s not often we have time to spend the day volunteering, so simple helpful gestures for others are a great way to show children kindness and gratitude. Encourage your child to help you hold open the door for others, ask someone if they need help carrying their groceries and return a wallet left in the parking lot, especially when little eyes are on us. Make sure to narrate your helpfulness and gratitude when your child is with you. “Let’s hold the door open for this lady behind us,” or “wasn’t it nice that this man helped us carrying our dry cleaning to the car?”

3. Stop & Smell the Apple Pie
Have you stopped recently to enjoy the feel of the warm sun on your face or looked closely at the way a leaf flutters softly to the ground? Taking a moment to admire the little things around us, and pointing them out to our children, shows them that nothing is too small to be appreciated.

4. Practice Positivity
Sometimes all it takes is a positive attitude and a smile to make ourselves feel more grateful for our circumstances. It’s possible to teach our children that it’s okay to have a bad day or emotion, and to also help them look at the bright side by being thankful for the good. Playing the silver lining game at dinnertime can help us address the highs and lows of our day so we can appreciate the good stuff. Ask each member of the family to identify his or her best and not-so-best moment of the day to help each other see how the good usually outweighs the bad.

5. Give When You Receive
Being grateful can be difficult when children are over inundated with toys. Occasionally, it’s a good idea to help your child choose toys they no longer want and give those to other children in need. Something like a one-toy-in and one-toy-out policy can empower our children to give to others when a toy is no longer being used.

6. Display a Thankful Board
Children are visual and love seeing their creations and successes hung on the refrigerator or family bulletin board. Create a space for a family gratitude board on which to post notes of appreciation for each other or for things that make them feel grateful, as a regular reminder.

Sometimes all it takes is a couple of subtle routine changes to establish gratitude habits that will help your child’s character development. If you run out of ideas or want to practice other key character traits, head over to Kiddie Academy’s website to download the Character Essentials Activity Book.

Addition Reading Recommendations:  

I’m Feeling Thankful (Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood), Natalie Shaw

Please, Mr. Panda, Steve Antony

Thanks From the Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle

Let’s Be Thankful by P. K. Hallinan,

Look and Be Grateful, Tomie dePaola

The Most Thankful Thing, Lisa McCourt

—Joy Turner, The Kiddie Academy

Joy has over 20 years of experience in early childhood education. As Vice President of Education at Kiddie Academy Educational Child Care, she oversees all things curriculum, assessment, training and more. Joy earned a B.S. in Education from Salisbury University.

To me, gratitude is about attitude, and being grateful and showing gratitude comes with humility and putting others before yourself. And here’s the psychology behind it. Research shows that if you do something good for someone else you end up feeling better about yourself. Studies have shown that generosity, giving back, and showing gratitude to others actually helps decrease stress and depression and increase life span!

In my professional expert opinion, most children want to be helpful and show appreciation, it’s the way children’s brains are wired. Being thankful is intrinsically motivating, which is behavior that is driven by internal reward. The opposite of this extrinsic motivation, getting money, or a tangible reward like candy or a sticker for doing something good. But instead, positive verbal and nonverbal praise goes a long way with a child. And the more a child is shown thankfulness for good deeds and behavior, the more they will want to continue doing it more and more. It’s naturally satisfying when someone is happy with you.

I believe the best way to teach children lessons in life is by doing. And starting as early as possible! Showing them firsthand how to be grateful and giving back by volunteering and helping those in need. Parents are the role models and it all starts with us. Therefore, I have implemented writing in a Gratitude Journal every morning with my children. This can work really well for children from preschool age to college. You can prompt your children if they need help and then write down a few things/people you are thankful for each day helps gratefulness!

Here are some other ways to teach gratitude for children of all ages and cognitive developmental levels:

Babies: Teach them please and thank you.

Toddlers: Pick new toys at the store and donate them to Toys for Tots, Rady Children’s Hospital, or Operation Christmas Child.

Children: Teach them how to write a thank you each time they receive a gift from someone. Or once a month, make a card and give it to a teacher, friend, or family member and or leave a note and some water and snacks for mail carriers to show appreciation for all of the extra hours they are putting in this holiday season can help them feel grateful for hard-working individuals.

Teenagers: Volunteer at a food bank or a soup kitchen for the day so it can help shape and build their perspective. Or find a good cause to donate to and or participate in like a Susan G Komen Walk for Breast Cancer where they can raise money and walk the walk!

And here are a few of my favorite Gratitude Journals:

Good Days Start With Gratitude: A 52 Week Guide to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude: A Journal

The 3 Minute Gratitude Journal for Kids: A Journal to Teach Children to Practice Gratitude and Mindfulness

How have you shown your children gratitude? I’d love to hear your ideas, too!

 

This post originally appeared on The Parentologist w/ Dr. Kim.

Dr. Kim is a mom of two young children, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Registered Play Therapist, Univeristy Professor, and the owner/founder of The Parentologist w/ Dr. Kim, a Southern California based family and lifest‌yle blog about everything parenting with a therapeutic twist. 

Photo: Tinkergarten

Last night, it hit me—three days to go, and I finally let myself feel who and how much will be missing from our Thanksgiving this year. After a good cry and a stuff-nosed night’s sleep, I woke up, looked at my kids and decided it was time to try to make the best of it. 

For many of us, Thanksgiving traditions are on pause this year. Even though one study showed that 40% of Americans say they’ll be attending a Thanksgiving of more than 10 people, 60% of us won’t. And many people in that 60% will be missing at least someone, if not multiple someones they hold dear. 

Having to choose between family togetherness and the safety of the people we most treasure is yet another heavy hit from the pandemic. But, as we learned with Halloween, new constraints, even ones that weigh heavy on our hearts, can force us to focus the parts of a holiday that truly matter. And, they can even inspire new, lasting traditions. 

No matter how or with whom you’re celebrating this Thanksgiving, here are some easy, last-minute ways to infuse it with a little extra meaning and connection:

1. Create “Thank You” Art. Put out art supplies and paper and start talking with kids about all the people you are thankful for. Include family you love, friends and even people in your neighborhood or community who add to your life in big or small ways. Make thank you cards or pictures for some of those people and help kids express why they feel gratitude towards each person. Deliver locally bound “thank you” art as part of your day, or address and mail them as soon as you can.

2. Make a Gratitude Pumpkin. Grab a pumpkin and use a marker to cover it with words and pictures expressing what you’re grateful for. Display in your home, reflect on it as a family, and keep adding to it. If your child is too young to write, welcome them to dictate their ideas to you or let them draw designs that make them feel thankful. 

Don’t have a pumpkin? Use any squash; draw or cut out a paper pumpkin; draw a simple turkey, then add a feather for each thing you’re grateful for; cut strips of paper and link them in a paper chain. 

3. Build a Thankful Tree. Create a family tree of thanks by securing a handful of sticks into a vase or bucket. Welcome everyone in the family to write or draw something they are thankful for on various paper leaves and hang them on the tree. Then, read them together at the dinner table. Read more about this activity here.

4. Get Outdoors. Build-in time to go for a walk, slow down, and just sense the world around you. If you have a lantern or even a flashlight handy, take an after-dinner lantern walk to experience that quiet beauty of night time outside. Nature is calming and gives us so much to marvel and feel grateful for. While you are walking, wonder about the Native people who have cared for the land.

5. Take a Virtual Turkey Trot. Exercise helps boost our moods, and sharing in a sporty activity can add fun to the day, too. Welcome everyone you know and love who likes to walk or run and commit to a certain distance, like a 5K, you’ll cover together virtually. Or, meet up for a safe, distanced run with nearby friends. To connect with loved ones far away, set up a group text to share photos of your start and finish, cheering each other on. Get kids involved too, adjusting the distance as needed.

6. Flood Your Family Feed with Love. On Thursday, kick-off a flood of love and gratitude with the family and friends you most hold dear. Start by sending a group text that reads something like this: 

“Hello, all! We want to start a chain of gratitude, sharing with each other all we are grateful. We’ll kick it off, and then you can reply with what you are thankful for to help keep the chain going!” 

Then, follow up with a text that includes quotes from you and your kids about what you’re most grateful for. Include text, videos or photos knowing each one will boost the spirits of everyone on the chain.

If you are careful about where and how you share photos of your kiddos, try a group text or other social platform like these.

7. “Grateful for You” Videos. Let your phone video camera roll as you film you and your kids talking about why you are grateful for someone special in your life. Asking kids why they are thankful for a Nana, an uncle, or a dear friend can inspire some of the sweetest footage—footage that will brighten that person’s Thanksgiving and become a treasured memory for all involved. It can help to prep little kids before you start to film by saying things like, “What are all of the special things Mimi does for us?” Or “What are some things we love most about Mimi—the things that make us thankful for her?” 

8. Get Together Online. During all of this, we are awfully lucky to have technology that allows us to come together virtually, bridging distances and viruses. It’s amazing, really. Pick a time on Thursday to get family and friends you’re missing on a video conference platform, and share some joy. Embrace the challenges and do your best to help the less tech-savvy, remembering that it’s really all about seeing one another and being together on the screen. 

If you want to spark conversation a bit, welcome people to share what they are grateful for. Ask folks what they are cooking for dinner. Tell favorite family stories or share a few holiday jokes. If your family has favorite songs, play them and dance or sing them out, even if the audio is wonky. Three cheers to Zoom for relaxing its 40-minute limit on all free accounts on Thanksgiving Day we can whatever time we want connecting safely. 

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

The coronavirus pandemic is a strange animal. One moment we can feel the frustration of having to watch Frozen 2 for the 47th time this week, and the next we can feel grateful for extra time with the kids. For times when those feelings are overwhelming, there are things that Seattle families can do to help others and in return give ourselves a little peace of mind. From writing letters to seniors, to paying it forward with cupcakes and ice cream, to adopting a furry friend, here’s how you can make a difference in Seattle now.

Write Letters of Love

Letters of Love for the Elderly
Tinte Cellars

This is a project that will not only keep everyone in the family busy, but also serves as a creative outlet and a way to think of others. Join Teresa Spellman Gamble and Tim Gable, owners of Tinte Cellars is Woodinville, with their Letters of Love for the Elderly project. During this time of isolation, senior citizens may be feeling more isolated than ever. The Gables are encouraging families to pick up a pen (or crayon as the case may be) and create a homemade greeting card that can make someone’s day. Working with Northshore Senior Center, these cards are being distributed to senior communities in Woodinville, Bothell, Kenmore, Mill Creek and Kirkland. Learn more about the do’s and don’ts of this project here.

Mail your completed Letters of Love to:

Corey Lowell, Director of Senior Centers
Northshore Senior Center
10201 E. Riverside Dr.
Bothell, WA 98011

Send Emergency Cupcakes

Trophy Cupcakes

Trophy Cupcakes are not only spreading frosting, but they are also spreading love to hospitals, first responders, families without enough and lonely seniors in the form of delicious cupcakes with their Pay it Forward program. Here’s how it works: you buy the cupcakes, they do the delivery. Plus, when our world gets back to (somewhat) normal, Trophy vows to continue to donate a dozen cupcakes for every dozen purchased through this Pay It Forward program. You’ll be supporting a local business and underserved communities at the same time. Doubly delicious.

Adopt a Baby...Gorilla

Jeremy Dwyer-Lindgren/Woodland Park Zoo

If you thought your kids were wild, wait until you become a Digital ZooParent to a baby gorilla, Humboldt penguin or red panda. Families interested in supporting Woodland Park Zoo’s relief fund, that provides much-needed daily care to the zoo's many animals, can donate $40 to make their adoption official. In return, you'll receive a PDF adoption certificate, desktop wallpaper of your newest addition (can you say new Zoom background?), bragging rights in the form of a Facebook frame and online recognition too. The best part? No diapers to change this time around.

Check on Your Neighbors

Pixabay

Now is a great time to check on neighbors you haven’t seen in a while and find out if they need any assistance. Perhaps they are short on a few groceries or would really like someone to walk their dog. Or maybe they need their lawn mowed. Leaving them a gift of flowers on their doorstep or sending the troops over to pick weeds in the garden can help curb boredom and show them that you care.

Share a Meal

Atrium

As Chef Traci from Atrium Kitchen watched her booked events cancel due to COVID-19, she made up her mind to use this time to do something good for others by making fresh-prepared, nutrient-dense, nourishing meals and delivering them to home-bound seniors who are unable or fearful of leaving their homes. She has been making two “meal drops” every week since March 15 to home-bound seniors in Seattle, Queen Anne, Capitol Hill and Ballard, as well as to two shelters feeding the homeless. Here's how you can help. To start, if there is a home-bound senior in need, please connect Atrium Kitchen and they will add them to their delivery schedule. Second, if you are in a position to do so, they would value your contribution, as every bit helps.

Give a Little Kindness

glassybaby

A generous pledge to glassybaby's white light foundation means that over the next few weeks, when you purchase a glassybaby, $10 will go to support frontline COVID-19 efforts. The plan is to donate $70,000 to hospital worker relief efforts and food banks supporting our community. Sounds like the perfect time to add to your collection or send a hopeful message to a friend, right?

Seattle families can also act as a beacons of hope by participating in glassybaby's #littlelightsofgratitude, a nightly light display happening in homes around the Sound. Simply light a glassbaby or another candle at 8 p.m. and place it in your window for everyone to see. Light your candles on April 23 to honor nursing home staff and on April 26 to honor teachers and school support staff.  

Give a Little Bliss

Bliss Small Batch Creamery

Another local institution thanking local health care workers is Bliss Small Batch Creamery. They are letting our first responders know that they are seen, and that they care about them and appreciate all that they are doing every day. Bliss is doing that by packing up containers of ice cream and delivering them to local medical facilities, who get them to the amazing workers there. Here’s how you can help: buy a gift card for a friend or for yourself on Bliss’ website to redeem for ice cream in their shop at University Place, and Bliss will donate 50% of the sale of that card for those health care workers.

Send the Tulip Festival to Others

Tulip Town

COVID-19 has impacted lots of local traditions and events, including Skagit Valley's annual Tulip Festival. Turning lemons into lemonade, Tulip Town is currently offering tulip deliveries to local hospitals, nursing homes and other courageous members of the community with their Color for Courage program. For $15, you can send a bunch of tulips to help brighten a stranger’s day as they recover from this horrible virus.

Support Your Local Restaurant

Pay Forward Project
Pixabay

Some have estimated that local spending is down about 75%. So many local restaurants are operating on a shoestring budget in hopes of staying in business. They need our patronage more than ever before. Consider supporting a local business by buying a meal or two this week at one of your favorite restaurants. Many are offering free delivery too. You can also purchase a gift card now to use later when that restaurant opens up its doors again. The Pay Forward Project offers a variety of restaurant gift cards at one website location.

Donate Blood

Unsplash

Blood donation levels are low all across the country right now. The good news is that potential blood donors are exempt from stay-at-home orders in Washington. You have some time on your hands, right? Schedule an appointment with Bloodworks Donor Centers or the American Red Cross. Even those who have recovered from COVID-19 may be eligible to help those who are currently sick. Locations are pretty much everywhere, so it's easy to find one nearby.

Feed the Kids

FareStart
Pixabay

For 30 years now, FareStart has been “helping people transform their lives through food” and escape the poverty cycle. FareStart teaches life skills through their restaurants and meal-serving programs giving people practical work experience while giving back to their community. That includes a variety of social programs and schools, and just because schools are no longer in session, the lunch programs continue. “Your contribution is not just a gift to transform a person's life, it is an investment in a model for real social progress.”

Help Out a Hospital

Pixabay

During these crazy days of COVID-19, local hospitals can really use our help to fight the pandemic. Donations given go toward medical supplies and critical equipment. Here are some local foundations that will put your donation to good use:

Virginia Mason Foundation 

Children’s Hospital Foundation & Guilds Association 

Overlake Foundation 

Swedish Foundation

Island Hospital Foundation

Skagit Community Foundation

—Jeffrey Totey

RELATED STORIES:

A Love Letter to Seattle: 13 Things We Can’t Wait to Do Again

7 Ways to Bring the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival To You

How to Help Others While Social Distancing

How to Talk to Your Kids about Coronavirus without Scaring Them

Co-Working with Kids? Practical Tips to Sharing Space

 

I gave birth 12 days after I walked out of the courthouse with my divorce papers in hand. I arrived at my mom’s house from the hospital a week later, carrying my newborn who was burrito-swaddled in a football-printed blanket.

I hadn’t showered in days. The lack of sleep left my eyes glazed over. The skin of my raw, C-section scar felt stretched-thin to the touch. It could’ve ripped apart anytime.

My heart felt even worse—all torn at the crux while still beating.​

I climbed the staircase with my baby squirming in my arms. I reached my old bedroom that was going to be my home until I could stand on my own two feet again. I stared at my baby’s face—a carbon copy of the person I was once married to—and traced his skin that was yellowed by jaundice.

How was I going to survive this?

If you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, you may rest assured that there are coping strategies to get you through this rough time in life.

What’s important is for you to face the reality of bringing the baby to this world single-handedly head-on. The earlier you do this, the more equipped you’ll be in handling the challenges to come.

I already went through the entire pregnancy, from prenatal checkups to shopping for baby supplies, alone. But I also had to be mentally prepared for the waves of overwhelming emotions and situations that come along with the baby.

Let’s be real: New motherhood is already a terrifying territory to step into.

A body battered by childbirth and a mind that’s clouded by baby blues are only a small part of the whole picture. Entering this exciting-yet-scarily unfamiliar phase on your own is a different battle altogether.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

Regardless, a new mom that finds herself in such a situation is bound to act like the motto for Nike—just do it. Here are some ways to cope with the postpartum stage that will help you stay sane:

Lose the blues and start planning your life ahead.

Your grieving needs to have an expiration date, period. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be vulnerable during this delicate moment, though. Cry when you need to but keep in mind that whatever turmoil you’re going through will gradually cease into peacefulness.

While your marriage or partnership ended, your future with that sweet little person cuddling next to you is going to bloom and live on. Visualize where you see yourself with your child in the next five years for starters and focus on attaining that goal.

I imagined a bright future for my baby and I—both of us traversing down the breathtaking landscape of Iceland and getting our own tiny home on wheels—and that, in turn, made me assess my financial situation. Finance is the most vital aspect to consider when you’re single parenting. So make that grand goal of yours, and this unpleasant circumstance, the ultimate drive for you to get your life back on track.

Lose the guilt and send your baby to daycare early.

Depending on where you live and the nature of your job, the length of maternity leave may be as brief as two weeks to a generous 85 weeks altogether!

Despite getting three months of paid leave, I sent my baby to a licensed daycare as soon as he turned eight-weeks-old. I needed the time and freedom to set up my online business and focus on increasing modest single income.

Nevertheless, it’s not the question of when you return to the daily grind but rather the guilt that nags at you when you have to be away from your baby.

Try changing your perspective on why you have to work. You’d do anything you can to support this baby on your own and putting him or her under the care of others is reasonable, if not the only, choice you have.

There’s also a mental health benefit. Having some time off from tending to a baby is essential. Use this time to take a break, and regain your sanity so that you can be at ease and happy with your parenting role in the long run. 

Lose the ‘lack’ mentality and be grateful for the present moment.

There’ll be times when you cross paths with a cheery-looking couple going for a stroll with their baby and such sight will drive the sharpest stake right into your vulnerable heart. Look at it this way: You know deep down that you’d be worse off if you had chosen to stay in a troubled, unhappy relationship while raising the baby. You need to realize that you and your child are a complete, more-than-enough team to take on the world.

I’d usually find a quiet time to take in my baby’s charm—his curled-up toothless grin, his soft, milky breath and his eyes sparkling with excitement at the mere sight of my face. Doing this made me feel grateful that I got to experience motherhood and have such a meaningful connection with an innocent human being.

So get a notebook to journal in or open the notes app on your phone and list at least one thing you’re most grateful for that day. Know that you have so much courage to pull this through—this road less taken—and still thrive.

The postpartum phase is one crazy rollercoaster ride full of fear and thrill. Still, you’ll survive and even cherish the life-altering experience and lessons. Your unerring maternal instinct will kick in and push you through the fuzzy days. 

The process will also make you understand one thing: Your baby isn’t the only one who’s growing up. 

You are too.

Shana Sanusi is a freelance digital content and copywriter for hire specializing in lifest‌yle, personal growth and occasionally, parenting topics. In addition to working on her writing projects, she binge-reads Law of Attraction books and hangs out with her infant son and cats. Follow her on Medium at @shanasanusi.  

Dear Husband,

I just want to be alone.

It’s not because I don’t love you or that I don’t like you anymore. I just need my own space so I can appreciate everything that has happened in the last almost fifteen years of our marriage. I want to be able to feel grateful for having a husband that cares about everyone so deeply. Someone who has a mission to spread good and only good for people. And I also want to feel gratitude for being blessed with two lovely and ever-lively boys whose intelligence challenge mine all the time. 

But we both know that life is so busy that I can’t be alone anytime I want. You may think that because I’m a stay-at-home-mom, I should have all the time in a day to do whatever I want. I wish that too. That’s why I often wonder if the speed of time has actually changed into a faster mode. Because I always feel that I haven’t done much at the end of the day. But then again, housekeeping, cooking, making sure our sons happy and well, sometimes gardening, food shopping and everything else in-between does take time. So I shouldn’t be surprised to finish the day with no hour for myself really.

Therefore, I do want to be alone, my dear husband.

Not because I don’t enjoy your company anymore. But because I need to listen to my own self without any other voice coming into my ears and confuse my own thoughts. I’ve been listening to you and others in the past almost-fifteen-years. And everything that I listened to has helped me learn a lot. And I like to think they have improved me as well. But it’s time for me to listen to my own voice. As I can feel the tiny teeny screaming sound deep down my heart. I have to run for her. Myself.

Because the voice within me needs distraction-free attention as it reminds me of things that I used to dream. When it’s finished, I may have to think of what to do as my next steps. And it’s quite a big dream which demands hard work. But I’m not afraid. I’m used to working my socks off. I’m ready for it.

So let me be alone, dear husband.

I promise you it has nothing to do with you or anyone. I just feel like being on my own and minding my own thoughts. That’s why I don’t want to go with you to see your family. It’s not because I don’t like your sisters, your brothers, your in-laws, your nieces, your nephews or their spouses. I don’t think you appreciate how hard it is for me to be so far from my parents, my siblings, my own nieces and nephews, for years and years. Especially when I realize that I’m getting older and I don’t know what’s around the corner.

Although I might not say it out loud, I do miss my family a lot. Everyday. God knows how I want to see them more often. And I understand that we don’t have the luxury of buying airplane tickets every year like some people. I don’t compare ourselves to them. Because I know that we’re in a far better place than millions of people out there. We’re richer than the homeless people around us who always render thanks to us whenever we cook homemade food for them. Or the domestic-violence-survivors with whom we share our food shopping. We’re also luckier than those refugees-from-war-zone. I know that we’re having a much better life than lots of people. But I still miss my family. So forgive me if I say I want to be alone, dear husband.

So I need time to clear my head and make peace with my mind. I promise I won’t take long. But until then, I need to tell you, I want to be alone, my dear husband.  

Hi, I'm Devy who owns and writes Thousands Of Miles Away. A lifest‌yle blog for women who relocated far from family and friends to build their own dream life. Self-growth, motherhood, and food are things I love to talk about and share with hope to inspire others

This post from Sarah James originally appeared on Quora as an answer to the question How does it feel to finally have a baby after a long struggle with fertility related issues?

After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, we had our beautiful daughter through IVF two years ago. You spend all that time becoming increasingly desperate and afraid that, actually, it might never happen for you and you’ll have to come to terms with having no children. You lie awake at night imagining how that will feel and wondering if you’ll ever be able to get over it.

You smile tightly every time someone else gets pregnant – you so want to feel fully joyful for them and you really try. You make excuses for your friends children’s birthday parties that you just can’t face, and you endure idiot relatives shouting across the room at you at Christenings that “it’ll be you next!”

You listen to friends who’ve ‘accidentally’ fallen pregnant moan about how it’ll ruin their career and how it doesn’t fit into their financial plan, and you try hard not to wish bad things on them. You wonder if you’re broken and just don’t function normally.

You blame yourself. You feel that other people are discussing why you aren’t pregnant yet and you wonder when that will ever end. You try not to let it consume you and fill your life with noise, but you can never plan more than nine months ahead ‘just in case’. Every month you hope and every month when your period comes you try not to break down.

And then you are pregnant, and it feels like a miracle. I remember the day we got the positive test so clearly as one of the most joyful of my life. I couldn’t believe it so I tested again and again and again – we just laughed all day long.

The pregnancy was an absolute joy, constant happiness coupled with disbelief – you feel that you’re joining a club that you’ve previously been excluded from, and you can’t wait to meet your child. The labour was long and arduous and I began to doubt there was actually a baby there, and then suddenly there she was! We are so happy.

Even now I have periods where I can’t believe she exists, and I just feel grateful every day.