ML Interest Tag: feel-strong

9 Things to Say About Yourself in Front of Your Kid

by Leah R. Singer

A positive attitude about yourself goes a long way when it comes to building self-esteem in kids

How many times have you looked in the mirror and frowned at the outfit you’re wearing, or thought twice about eating dessert because it’s a “bad food” (even though it’s not)? Definitely a few, because you’re human, after all. But it’s important to take stock of the things you say when the kids are around and do your best to present yourself as a strong, confident parent.

Kids learn about body positivity and self-confidence from their parents long before they internalize perceived ideals of how they should look on YouTube or social media. And if they have a strong foundation of self-esteem, those messages will have far less of an impact when they do, inevitably, encounter them. We rounded up 9 things to say—and believe!—about yourself in front of your kids so you can help them learn to take pride in who they are.

1. I look nice today. Say it when you’re tired, say it when you feel a cold coming on, say it even if you haven’t showered in a few days. Little ones learn by example; if they hear you speaking positively about yourself, it becomes second nature to do the same. Projecting self-confidence shows worthiness—despite the negative messaging that bombards us daily. 

2. That was challenging, and I’m going to try again. Showing you are okay with failure helps kids develop the tools necessary for dealing with disappointment. It might be handy to have a list of people who failed before finding success on hand: think Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, and Oprah. 

3. I made a mistake. It might be one of the hardest things to do, but admitting when we are wrong is one of the best ways to show (and teach) personal responsibility. And that’s a life skill everyone needs. 

4. Food keeps me healthy and happy. How you talk about food with kids has a major impact on how they look at their bodies and health. If you practice food neutrality (broccoli is broccoli, a cookie is a cookie—nothing is “good” or “bad”), it’ll help to set the stage for kids to learn the balance of fueling the body and enjoy the pleasures of the food itself. 

5. I am proud of my job. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, work remotely, or head out to a job, show pride in what you do! Talking about what you do all day shows the kids that while you might be busy, it’s for a good reason—not because you don’t want to read Dragons Love Tacos for the 10th time. 

6. I’m glad my body protects me and keeps me alive every day. We can kick a soccer ball, push a swing, and play a board game, and we can do it all without being the “right size.” Referring to your body as something you use as a tool for life is key to helping kids develop a positive self-image.

7. This outfit makes me feel beautiful. Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself cursing while trying on clothes because something doesn’t look quite right. Try focusing on things you like about what you’re wearing: this color complements my skin tone, these leggings are perfect for our park play date, and this hat makes me stand out in a crowd. Pointing out the good instead of the bad is a way to encourage self-love and confidence. 

8. I enjoy exercising because it makes me feel strong. Moving our bodies is about so much more than losing weight. It’s about how exercise is good for our brain, helps us ward off illness, and prolongs our lifespan. In today’s tech-driven culture, driving home these ideas is more important than ever. 

9. I believe every day is a new chance to start over. It’s easy to let negative thoughts rule our mindset. Yes, life is tough, but it’s also beautiful, and we only get one go of it. A wonderful gift (or tool) you can give your kids is the ability to look at the present and the future and understand that everything moves forward. We alone can make change for ourselves, even if it’s something as tiny as writing down notes of gratitude or as big as demanding the help you need.

Related: Want to Raise Confident Kids? Start by Doing This

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How to Have Happy & Cooperative Toddlers during a Diaper Change

By Sarah Alperin

Always ask permission as a sign of respect and consideration for the child’s experience and perspective.

Approach with a gentle stride and a calm demeanor. Place your hand on their back and sweetly ask, “May I check your diaper? Then wait for 7-to-10 seconds, giving them time to respond.

When a child says “no” and it is necessary to change it, honor the “no” by responding, “I hear you, you aren’t ready, I can come back in a few minutes and ask again.” When you return, the intent and verbiage should be different. “I am back. It is time to change your diaper now. Are you ready?”

If a child says no again: “You still aren’t ready, I understand, hmmm, I am worried if the pee or poop sit in your diaper, it may give you a rash, and I want to keep your skin and body safe, it is time now.” Then acknowledge the disruption by explaining how you will support them. “I see you are busy playing, so I will do it quickly so you can come right back to play.” More respect and acknowledgment of them and their perspective. You are building partnership and modeling respectful behavior in relationships.

Stick with respect and offer choices, so they feel like they are in control. “Would you like to walk to the diaper table, or would you like me to carry you?” This is a crucial moment for the child, you, your relationship, and future diaper changes because you are honoring the child’s experience and this detail is not going to be lost on them. In fact, they are taking it all in, making notes on what respect feels like. You are planting some serious and powerful seeds in these moments.

If they resist moving and plant their feet or throw their body down, say (and this is a gem that you will use often) “Ah, I heard you say you wanted to walk, but now you are choosing to stay still, you are telling me you want me to carry you, I would be happy to help.” Then bend down, still with love and kindness, pick up their body and carry them to the changing table.

The key in these moments is to avoid engaging in this resistant behavior. Your only job is to steady the course, no matter what attempt at distraction your little throws your way. This is a stellar opportunity to practice acceptance of all choices. Whatever the child does, accept it, take it in, and adapt but steady the course. This diaper change Is happening, buddy.

Children want us to be leaders because it permits them to be leaders in their own lives. Even though they are making it hard for you, they are testing your relationship.

When you steady the course and don’t let them pull you into their distraction, they feel loved by you. When you let them distract you or wear you down and/or abandon your mission, they question your commitment to them, and you become untrustworthy.

Here is another opportunity to model respect and ask, “May I pick you up?”

Typically, they will raise their little hands to say yes. Asking if you can pick allows them to prepare their body to be picked up. As soon as you ask the question, their brains communicate to their bodies to flex the necessary muscles to prepare to be picked up. This enables your child to feel strong and participate when you pick them up. Grabbing a child to pick them up without warning is shocking and scary. Asking and waiting until you have their attention and permission will support them physically, mentally, and will build more trust between you both.

Now that the child is in your arms, gently and lovingly lay them down, supporting their head and entire body until they are lying comfortably.

Once the child is lying comfortably, take a breath, lay your hand gently on their belly and look into their eyes. Smile sweetly and ask, “Are you ready?” Wait for them to respond and then begin the diaper change.

First: Ask them to help while you remove their bottoms. “Will you please lift your legs in the air so I can remove your bottoms?” then watch as they gleefully shoot their legs in the air.

Second: Tell them what you are doing next. “I am going to use this wipe to clean your body. It may be a little cold.” Then gently wipe them and, if necessary, hold their legs up with a gentle, respectful grip.

Third: Hold the new diaper and show it to them. “I am going to put this fresh diaper on you now. Will you please lift your legs again?” They are usually thrilled to assist you in this way, and their legs go flying in the air. “Thank you! That is so helpful.” Then slide the diaper under their bottom and ask them to please lower their legs back down.

This level of commitment to respectful interaction around diaper changes will create a beautiful relationship between you and the children you care for. They will rarely resist having a diaper change because the experience will be rich in connection, and connection leads to cooperation.

Avoid giving children electronics to distract them during a diaper change. You will be teaching them to check out when someone is touching them.

Avoid negative responses to how their poop smells or how much they pooped. It is embarrassing and disrespectful to make fun of how a child’s body creates smelly or gross things. They will interpret it to mean they are gross or smelly. Stay neutral, matter of fact, no big deal, all in a day’s work.

Stay present with your little one when changing a diaper. Stay off the phone and avoid interruption until the diaper change is complete. Make eye contact as much as possible and talk with them about the details. They love you. They trust you. This is a beautiful time to honor them, teach them, and model kindness.

Sarah is a child behavior & respectful child care expert. She has been coaching parents in effective respectful care strategy for over 10 years. She makes complex parenting issues simple to navigate and her methods are clear, effective and provide immediate relief for both parent and child.ehavior specialist and

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To the Mom of a Newly Diagnosed Child as We Approach Autism Awareness Month

By Elizabeth North

It’s nearly April and everywhere you look you will begin to see the famed puzzle piece. Today I just couldn’t shake that weight that comes with the month ahead. In the coming days, you will begin to hear more chatter from parent advocates and self-advocates alike. You’ll see schools pasting signs about “acceptance” and “inclusion.”

You may be lucky enough to have friends that want to know, want to learn, will stand by your side, especially this month. That first Autism Awareness Month, you may want to hear it all. You still may be too raw to hear any of it. You will feel overwhelmed and underwhelmed and you will find moments you want to quit. The day. The month.

You may love the “Light It Up Blue” and you may hate the “Light It Up Blue.” You may fall in love with puzzle pieces and quotes and you may sob seeing puzzle pieces and quotes. Mama, this month is a lot. It’s a lot of good but in the good, sometimes we forget that good can be heavy.

There will be well-meaning supporters who say the wrong things. There will be people you never imagined who will become your best friend. If I could go back to my first April, my first Autism Awareness Month (that is what it was called five years ago), I’d tell myself these three things:

First, you do you. Share when you want to share and hide when you need to reset. Love the representation you love and be the representation you don’t see. Ignore what isn’t part of your story and share your story too because your story matters. Your child is a gift. Your child is unique. For you self-advocates, teach us. We want to listen. We want to learn. As parents, we want to know what our future may hold, how to help our children but do it with kindness, with the knowledge that we’d move mountains not just for the children we are raising but for you.

Second, breathe. It’s coming at you. Hard and fast. You’ll revisit the emotions that come with diagnosis, therapy, IEP’s, education perhaps even adult life. There will symbols and stories, walks and marches. There will be calls to action and it can be overwhelming. Remember, you are not the only parent living this, feeling this. When a child is diagnosed often they say this is a marathon. Scratch that. This is an iron man and while you don’t feel made for it, you were and your being here, as you are, is important. When the month gets heavy, when you’ve seen one too many stories, heard one too many quotes, on those days when you don’t feel strong enough, your tribe will remind you, you have this, you are making strides and you are incredible. So this month more than ever, lean in, find your tribe and allow them to be there.

Third, it’s okay to feel it all. You may feel all the emotions. Joy in the growth. Sadness in the challenges. Hope this is not just awareness but continued acceptance. Remember it’s okay to feel all the emotions because after April, when the ribbons are down and the stories are locked away for another year, you still are on this journey and that kindness, acceptance, and understanding may just be hidden away again until next year.

So to you, new mama, welcome. I want you to know, you are not alone. I want you to know I am here for you after all the quotes, the marches, the stories. I am here for you because in the last five years I have realized that overall more good has come out of this than I could ever imagine. I’ll be here to stand by and celebrate all the good that is yet to come.

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

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4 Easy Ways to Teach Kids Empathy

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Photo: Tinkergarten

Developing empathy in children is one of our most important jobs as parents and caregivers. There are three main kinds of empathy: affective, cognitive, and compassionate. According to empathy experts Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman, we use these three in concert to realize empathy’s full potential. 

Affective empathy may be the most familiar to us. It’s the ability to sense the emotions that another person is feeling—like when you tear up at a sad movie or feel elated for the player who just scored the winning goal.

Early childhood is the perfect time to support affective empathy: This processing of emotions plays out in the limbic system, a part of the brain that develops early in life. We can cultivate this natural ability in our kids in simple ways every day. 

Here are just a few ways to help children as they’re developing empathy:

1. Focus on emotions vs. feelings. Rather than feeling daunted by the massive list of nuanced feelings we experience, focus on helping kids learn the six basic emotions first: Anger, Disgust, Fear, Happiness, Sadness, and Surprise. These are experienced by people all over the world, say experts like Paul Ekman.  

Start by helping kids develop emotional awareness, an important point from which kids can become aware of emotions in others. To support emotional awareness, acknowledge and validate children’s’ emotions—even the big ones. Help kids name their emotions by asking them questions like, “What are you feeling?” “Are you feeling sad?” Fred Rogers suggested narrating to them what you are seeing, saying things like, “I see you seem angry. Are you feeling angry inside too?” Wonder with kids what, in particular, is causing their emotional response. For example, “Are you feeling afraid of that dog?” or “Are you sad that mommy has to say goodbye for a little while?”

Model the full range of emotions to show kids more than the “positive” emotions. They’ll realize that the full range is available to them, too. If you get mad, you can talk through that moment with them and share that you were feeling a bit angry about whatever it was. 

In fact, it’s great for kids to see that we feel strong emotions of all kinds, can talk about it, and can find productive ways of processing and working with them. Be vulnerable now and again. Opening ourselves up to other people makes close connections even more possible. We should not be afraid to cry with our kids when something really sad happens.

2. Show kids how to notice other people’s feelings. Wonder about other people’s feelings, and do it out loud for kids. As children grow, they become more and more aware of other people and their emotions. If your child is too young to dialog about this, narrate to them about what you are noticing about other people’s emotions. Kids are able to receive language and benefit from our modeling before they are able to express such ideas on their own.

Read books and tell stories in which characters feel and express basic emotions. Stop along the way to look at the images and consider the story, wondering together, “How is the character feeling? Why do you think that character is feeling that way? How can you tell?”

When you see someone in real life who is feeling an emotion, use that as an opportunity to wonder, “How do you think grandma is feeling? What do you think made her feel that way?”

Hold back on “Sorry.” If your child does something, before asking him or her to say, “I’m sorry,” consider an alternative way to talk through the situation that teaches about affective empathy.

3. Teach kids to read faces. Humans all over the world make the same basic facial expressions in response to the six basic emotions, according to decades of research. Learning to read other people’s faces is a skill that helps kids identify and sense their emotions.

As you read books, pay particular attention to the faces of characters. Wonder whether they are wearing a “happy face,” a “sad face,” etc. Note the shape of their mouths, eyes, and eyebrows. Children for whom emotional awareness and nuanced social communication is challenging will benefit even more from learning to read faces. Because humans tend to make predictable facial expressions for a given emotion, kids can learn and apply the specific cues, taking much of the guesswork out of reading other people’s emotional state.

When you pretend-play together, pretend to have different emotions. Make it a point to use facial expressions as you play.

Once children’s drawings include details on the faces, note the way faces are drawn. Wonder with children about the choices they make as they draw faces in addition to talking about how the person or animal they drew is feeling. (Watch here for how to make tree faces, another fun, empathy-boosting nature activity to try!).

4. Sing Songs About Feelings. Active songs can naturally engage kids in learning about feelings and the body. Teach kids about emotions and faces by singing and acting out a simple song like this one:

Faces and Feelings Song (Sing to Yankee Doodle)

The expression on my face (Point a finger around your face)

Is like an open book. (Place your hands like a book)

You can read how I am feeling (Put your hand to your heart)

Given how my face looks. (Point a finger around your face)

Show me HAPPY. (Pause and make happy faces together)

Show me SAD. (Pause and make sad faces together)

Looking with our eyes. (Point to your eyes)

Show me ANGRY. (Pause and make angry faces together)

Show me GLAD. (Pause and make glad faces together)

And now we’ll show SURPRISE! (End with an excited SURPRISE! and make surprised faces together. Fall backwards too, if you like.)

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

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Helping Your Kids Be Rooted, Resilient & Ready

By Lindsay Sealey

Photo: Pexels

The world has changed. We have changed. Our daily routines have changed. Where does that leave our kids? Many are feeling stressed and anxious about what the world is going to look like and be like for them. As we all navigate new information and new ways of living, now, more than ever, we need to help our kids feel healthy, happy, and confident. To do this, let’s focus on helping them become rooted (in who they are), resilient (to changes and challenges), and ready (for whatever is coming next).

How to help your kids be rooted: Rooted is being grounded, feeling certain and secure, and having an inner knowingness. It’s the “This is who I am, what I can do, and what I want” confidence. When kids are rooted, they feel strong and healthy. Why? This is because they believe they have value and worth and they know their qualities, their talents, and strengths, and they see how they are learning and growing. When kids aren’t rooted, they not only feel insecure but also they are so easily influenced, pressured, or rattled by mistakes, comments, or conflicts. When I am talking to kids about becoming rooted, I explain that when they have two feet firmly placed on the ground, they are standing on a solid foundation, unwavering and unshakeable. Conversely, when they are only standing on one foot, they are not stable, and they feel “wobbly” and as though they may fall over. We need our kids to be rooted. But how do we make that happen?

Tip: Try asking them to describe themselves. They may come up with: “I am kind”, “I am creative”, or “I am athletic.” Then, ask them for examples. “How do you show this quality?” Let’s have them gather evidence as a way to prove to themselves, they own these qualities. You can try the same for their skills. “What do you know how to do?” Kids underestimate what they view as “easy” like posting on social media or baking a cake. Let’s help them see their skill set as unique and important. Finally, talk to them often about what they want. “Let’s set a goal for this month—what would you like to learn about or accomplish?” They may suggest reading a book or creating a playlist. Let them choose and help them break goals into smaller steps, reminding them that, yes, they can do anything, if they are willing to put in both the time and effort.

How to help your kids be resilient: Resilient is all about bouncing back: from mistakes, disappointments, and setbacks. Life can be tough such as the shutting down of playgrounds, community centers, schools, events, and socializing. Yet, life also presents kids with opportunities for triumphant comebacks. Resiliency is essential because when young people learn to not give up, they also gain confidence. Working through challenges builds up their resiliency muscles. How do we nurture and then champion resilience?

Tip: We let them struggle and we let them fail which is one of the most difficult parts of parenting and caregiving and yet, one of the best ways for kids to learn. Try not to be the “snowplow parent” aka clearing the path to make your child’s journey easy or the “lawnmower parent” where you pave the way for them. Instead, try to be the periphery parent. This means empowering them to stand in the center of their own circle, rooted, as you take a few steps back to assure them you are there for them but you are doing the tough stuff like asking a teacher for help or ordering at a restaurant, for them. Your role is still active, as you learn to observe, ask questions, and provide guidance and support, but you give them the necessary room to try, to make mistakes, to try again (or try differently), and to cheer them on as they work their way through problems. Kids feel much better about themselves when they are supported at a distance and not micro-managed up close.

How to help you kids be ready: Ready is about preparation and action for what is to come. Feeling ready comes with expectation and hope that life will change and that we can be part of designing our dreams. Yes, “readiness” is a tricky word these days; it’s hard to think about next week, let alone next year. Yet, here is what I have been teaching kids: Steps they take today towards creating their future can bring them a sense of energy and optimism. There is no greater time to get ready than now, since many kids are not as busy with extra-curricular activities and school, and they have extra time. Where to start?

Tip: Have conversations about future goals in a playful and curious way. You discover a lot about kids when you ask big and open questions such as: “Where do you see yourself working when you are older?” Be the “dream booster” not the “dream buster.” In other words, as silly or unrealistic his or her ideas may be, follow their ideas. Interested in science? Start experimenting. Want to be a Starbucks barista? Start brewing coffee at home. Invest the time into listening to them and then take action to support their ideas. This could mean discussion, researching online, talking to people in the community, and actually developing a skillset (whether this is technology, drawing, coding, or cooking; the possibilities are endless). Remind them, as well, that you believe in them!

Yes, we are living in an extraordinary world; let’s use this as an opportunity to help our kids be extraordinarily rooted, resilient, and ready.

For more, check out Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible and the website Bold New Girls.

 

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

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Girls’ Voices Matter. Here’s 4 Ways to Let Them Know That

By Lindsay Sealey

Girls know how to create stories on Instagram. They are experts at Snap streaks. They can run circles around us when it comes to using social media platforms to share photos and their highlight reel as well as self-promote. Yet, they do not always know the power and potential of their own voices.

When it comes to speaking up for what they want and need or advocating for social injustices, they hold back. There’s a global trend for growing girls: a loss of voice.

How can their competency shift from bolstered confidence on a screen to vanishing self-confidence when it comes to their own voices? Fear. The fear of being misunderstood, criticized or condemned or, worse yet, rejected or ostracized.

As girls will tell you, when they must choose between fitting in with the group’s consensus and standing out with an opinion their own, they’ll choose conformity over individuality every single time. Researcher Carol Gilligan calls this “psychological dissociation” whereby girls silence their voices or their knowledge of feelings, desires and opinions in order to stay connected in relationships.

Looking at the maturation and developmental process can give us insight as to why this happens. Around age 10, an interesting trend emerges, as the result of both biology and sociology. Being hard-wired to connect, girls seek out social bonds to feel safe and secure, to relieve stress and to gain social support. In the process, a sense of belonging becomes more vital for survival than honoring their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. Whether she’s connecting online or in-person, she can feel self-conscious or “weird” for having different beliefs and ideas. She’ll doubt her voice, hold back and say what others want her to say.

In my newest book Raising Girls’ Voices, I interviewed girls ranging in ages from eight to 23 years old. I gained insight into how they view themselves, what makes them feel strong and powerful and their opinions on school, friendship and social media. I learned they not only had a voice but they had a lot to say. They talked about their struggle of wanting to say what they truly thought yet feeling worried they’d risk judgment and exclusion.

Given her strong need to fit in and the fact she wants to talk, how do we teach girls they not only have a voice that matters, but the necessity of using her voice? Here are four ways to guide her as she realizes the potential and power of her voice:

Teach girls to listen to their inner voices.

In a busy, noisy, distracting world with so many competing interests, it can feel almost impossible to ask a growing girl to slow down let alone listen to her inner voice. Yet, we can teach her to take time for herself: to be still and quiet and yes, put down her device so she can attune to her voice.

Not the critical voice telling her what she should have said or done, telling herself she’s not good enough, reprimanding herself for a mistake or error in judgment, but the voice that urges her to keep going, to dare to dream and that shows her the way. A few minutes each day is all it takes.

Remind girls to trust their inner voices.

Most girls I know are filled with self-doubt and uncertainty. What’s it going to take to shift them away from asking us what we think of their decision to trusting herself enough to know what’s right for her? Trust takes time and experience. Girls need to know they have intuition and instincts, a sense or a feeling.

The best way to trust her inner knowing is to ask her questions without answering them for her. For instance, as her questions such as how she feels about the decision, what she thinks of how she was treated by her friend, or even, “When you first met the new girl, what was your impression of her?” These questions encourage self-reflection and redirect her away from approval seeking to self-trust. Over time they just know; they know because they’ve done this before.

Encourage girls to share their voices.

When girls share, they almost always feel relieved and normal. One thing I know about girls is this: they have stories—interesting stories—to tell and they long to offer their experiences. So often, they hold back, they give is the minimized version. “I had a good day.” They need so much encouragement to tell us more.

We can start with assuring her that what she has to say matters. Further, we can ensure she knows we will listen without interrupting or critiquing. Also, girls need to share their ideas and insights with other girls they trust. From my experience, sharing breaks down their natural tendency to compete and compare and builds up their depth of connection.

By being vulnerable, girls learn courage and empathy; they come to understand each other better and feel normal. It’s the “me too” experience in the most positive sense of the word and the embodiment of “we are more similar than we are different.”

Empower girls to use their voices.

Not every girl has this privilege. In fact, many are silenced—shut down, dismissed, disregarded. So, girls who can use their voices, should. This means standing up for themselves when they are mistreated and disrespected. At the same time, it means standing up for others who don’t yet have the confidence or the ability to self-advocate. The challenge is insecurity.

We need to give girls the power to stand strong in their beliefs and voice their opinions if they feel it’s right to do so, regardless of what others think. We can best empower her by first asking about her opinion and giving her time to get her words out and second, by listening. When we truly hear her and validate her thoughts, she comes to understanding her words matter and she grows more comfortable in expressing herself without over-explaining or apologizing.

Prompts to try can include: “I believe…,” “I think…,” “I agree because…” or “I disagree and here’s why…” This power is what then enables girls to think beyond their homes to create positive change and to begin to make the world a better place to live

In Enough As She is, Rachel Simmons writes this, “As little girls, they might be feisty and spirited, forceful and stubborn, but as the unwritten rules of young womanhood sink in, this once fierce voice becomes muted or even silent” (xv). Let’s challenge these “unwritten rules.” How? By guiding girls to listening to, trusting, share and use their voices. Girls need both the confidence to know their authentic voice matters and the inner strength and courage to raise their voices.

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

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Dwayne Johnson Singing “Moana” Song to This 3-Year-Old Is Everything

by Erica Loop

Dwayne Johnson is more than just a top Hollywood celeb with majorly large arms. The actor has a heart—and it might just be bigger than his pecks!

Johnson recently posted a sweet video on Instagram, singing “You’re Welcome” from Moana. The actor, who voiced Maui in the movie, dedicated the song to a three-year-old boy with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

The actor started off the post writing, “This request came across my desk and punched me in the gut a bit.” Johnson explained, “There’s a little 3 year old boy out there named, Hyrum Harris. Diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia which is complicated by Down Syndrome. In the fight of his life right now and doing his best to stay strong—by watching MOANA up to 10xs a day because the character he loves, MAUI makes him feel strong.”

Hyrum’s mother, April, opened up to PEOPLE about the post, saying, “This has been such a moving experience for our family.” She went on to add, “[Johnson’s] response was beautiful.”

Of course, Hyrum absolutely adored the video. Mom, April, explained, “Every time Dwayne mentioned Hyrum’s name, Hyrum pointed to his chest and in his soft sweet voice repeated saying, ‘Hyrum,’ as though he knew this was special for him.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Dwayne Johnson via Instagram 

 

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5 Strategies to Help You Rise above Bullying

By Sam Farmer

Despite the noble efforts of many to keep bullying at bay and to educate the public as to how to do so, the reality of bullying nonetheless persists. Unless a new day dawns when the societal ills that empower bullies and which leave others vulnerable to them are eradicated in full, bullying will endure, at least to some extent. Until that day comes, if it ever does, let those of us who are targeted by bullies be inspired to rise above it! In case you have been a target and want to learn how to rise above, here’s how it can be done. These strategies come to you from an adult on the autism spectrum who didn’t know it until he was 40 years old, had to endure more than his share of bullying and emerged stronger than before!

  • See the bully for who he or she is: Bullies believe that they are stronger and smarter than their victims, though in reality, they are neither stronger nor smarter. Thinking of them in this light can help ward off emotional scars that would likely be inflicted otherwise.

What does the word “strength” mean to you? Strength is more than just a physical attribute. It also exists inside, in one’s mind, heart, and soul, which can be thought of as “inner strength.” Anybody who needs to bully others to feel strong and whole is not as strong as he or she might appear. This kind of dependence on the exertion of force is actually a sign of weakness. Therefore, never accept that you are smaller or weaker than the bully. If you have allowed anybody to persuade you into believing this way, it is never too late to believe otherwise!

  • Understand that bullies need help: At least some bullies have themselves been bullied or abused earlier in life, and so they end up resorting to bullying to “make things right,” to be able to feel strong after having been made to feel weak, or maybe because they did not receive the help they needed after they were bullied. If a bully seeks help and can eventually come to understand that happiness and fulfillment come from within rather than from imposing themselves upon others, then he or she can be rehabilitated and learn to stop bullying.

If you have been targeted, try to understand that there is probably a legitimate explanation for why the bully behaves the way he or she does. Not an easy task by any means, and it is not meant to excuse bad behavior or keep you from standing up for yourself. Rather, if you can put yourself in the shoes of the person who victimized you, then you are more likely to rise above any future bullying by virtue of knowing that the person who bullied you is just as human as you are, may have been bullied just as you were, and has probably endured more than his or her share of hardship.

  • Accept, or better yet, embrace who you are: Doing so builds self-esteem, and building self-esteem builds inner strength at the same time because the two go hand in hand. Consequently, inner strength helps you rise above the bullies.

Nobody deserves to be bullied, so if you are blaming yourself for being bullied, please stop. Instead, embrace what makes you different and work towards accepting those attributes of your personality that up to now have been bringing you down and which you feel are the reasons why you have been bullied. These attributes are an integral part of who you are. They account for what makes you unique and special. Nobody is perfect, we are all human, so be who you are, at all costs!

  • Remain focused on what matters most to you: Bullies often aim to get under your skin and disrupt your life. Do not let the bully win in this regard. Do what you need to do, cultivate your interests and talents, spend your time with the people you care about, and live your life. Nobody gets to sidetrack you from what matters most to you!

  • Anticipate that a bully may target you again and be prepared: Let’s consider bullying from a “big picture” perspective; doing so can be helpful. Perhaps you can draw the strength to rise above bullying from acknowledging and accepting that there is a darker side to human nature. As such, you can fortify your “inner defense” against any form of adversity that may be headed your way, including any bully with whom you might cross paths. Sadly, we hear too many stories in the mass media about war and oppression, the deep divisions inherent in our politics, a prevalence of “us versus them” tribalism, and bullying and criminal behavior on the part of some who are in positions of power in our society, to name a few. Consider all of the toxicity in our midst and be a realist with respect to the regrettable inevitability of bullying. See it coming. Be ready for it, even though it may not surface again (wouldn’t that be nice!). Fingers crossed.

SAM FARMER wears many hats, among them father, husband, musician, computer consultant, autism spectrum community contributor, and author of the new book, A Long Walk Down a Winding Road: Small Steps, Challenges, & Triumphs Through an Autistic Lens, which is now available on Amazon. 

 

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