ML Interest Tag: feel-uncomfortable

10 Cyberbullying Tactics Parents Might Not Know About

by Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

It can be easy to tell ourselves all sorts of things about our kids: we were once in their shoes, we’ve been there before, and we know how it feels—all of this is true. It’s also true we didn’t grow up in a tech-driven world, so while we as parents might worry about our kids falling victim to schoolyard taunts and teasing, because of the vast amount of time our children spend connected with digital devices nowadays, our attention needs to shift from in-person bullying to cyberbullying.

What is cyberbullying? Simply defined, cyberbullying is any kind of bullying behavior that’s perpetrated or experienced via digital and Internet-connected devices—smartphones, computers, or tablets. From harassing text messages to manipulation and extortion, kids and teens today are increasingly at risk of being bullied online and because parents and teachers may not overhear or see various types of cyberbullying when it happens, it can be difficult to detect and address.

“For lots of parents who were kids in the 1980s, we think bullying is whatever happened at school translated to online. The reality of cyberbullying is much more complex and the spectrum of abuse more broad than schoolyard bullying,” said Yaron Litwin, Digital Safety Expert & Chief Marketing Officer at Canopy, a leading AI solution to combat harmful online content for kids and teens.

According to a recent survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 46% of teens ages 13 to 17 reported they have experienced some form of online bullying or harassment. The problem is especially acute for girls, who reported marginally higher incidents of online abuse and harassment compared to boys.

And, with children’s increasingly easy access to digital technologies, cyberbullying is taking an enormous toll on their mental, emotional, and physical health, according to Stop Bullying.Gov, an anti-bullying resource from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. While all U.S. states have laws requiring schools to respond to bullying, the laws in many states are still playing catch up to address the prevalence of cyberbullying. For parents, understanding the different forms of cyberbullying that kids and teens can experience is an important first step to help protect them from online harassment and abuse.

Related: What to Do When Your Kid Wants a Social Media Account

Here are 10 types of cyberbullying kids and teens may experience:

Spamming: As the name suggests, cyberbullying via spam is designed to inundate an intended target with unwanted text messages, e-mails, pictures, or videos—delivered through SMS, e-mail, or app inboxes like Snapchat or Instagram. By overwhelming bullying victims’ inboxes, cyberbullies make their abuse difficult to ignore.

Trolling: Some cyberbullies operate by posting intentionally provocative or offensive comments, images, or videos to elicit reactions from others. An online troll baits others into confrontation or conflict, which prompts the troll’s bullying behavior.

Catfishing: Creating fake social media profiles or accounts allows a catfishing cyberbully to pretend to be someone else. This tactic can be used to lure a bullying victim into a conversation or used to spread rumors or post negative content about someone.

Harassment: This can include sending threatening or intimidating messages, posting hurtful or untruthful comments on social media or online forums, and repeatedly sending unwanted messages or requests as a way to harass or abuse someone.

Exclusion: In the same way that kids and teens can be excluded in real life, exclusion in digital spaces can include being left out of group chats, conversations, or events.

Stalking: This involves repeatedly sending messages, following someone online, or gathering information about them with the intention of making them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

Outing: Kids and teens may share personal and secret information with friends, but when private information is weaponized by sharing it online without consent and with the intention to embarrass or humiliate, it becomes cyberbullying.

Doxxing: Similar to outing, doxxing involves posting personal information, such as someone’s home address or phone number, without consent and for the expressed purpose of causing or encouraging harm or abuse.

Swatting: Swatting is an extreme form of harassment when a bully makes a false report of a serious crime, such as a hostage or active shooter situation, to send a SWAT team or other law enforcement officers to a targeted location. Swatting is a dangerous and illegal prank that has resulted in injury and even death.

Extortion: Digital extortion is a form of cybercrime where a perpetrator threatens to release sensitive or embarrassing information about the victim unless a ransom is paid. This information can include personal photos or videos, financial information, or even passwords. Digital extortion is a growing problem, especially among kids and teens. This is because young people are more likely to share personal information online and may not be as aware of the risks involved.

Technology continues to evolve rapidly, and cyberbullies have taken advantage, using apps like Snapchat’s disappearing messages to harass without evidence. As applications and tools powered by artificial intelligence make online impersonation easier, here are a few tips that parents can employ to help protect their kids from different types of cyberbullying:

dad talking with his son about types of cyberbullying
iStock

 

Stay engaged: While it’s easy to become overly protective, it’s important to maintain the right balance between giving kids and teens the privacy they deserve and knowing everything about their online activities. Look out for changes in behavior and be proactive about knowing what’s happening with your child’s friend group.

Ask questions: Although it may be uncomfortable for both parent and child, it’s important to ask questions about what’s going on in your kid’s digital life. What kinds of interactions are they having online? What apps, services, and websites are they frequently using?

Use technology: Oftentimes, kids’ facility with technology exceeds that of their parents. It’s important for parents not to relinquish total control of access to digital devices to their children. There are monitoring apps and services that can help protect kids and families from unwanted harassment and abuse online. 

According to Canopy’s Litwin, “Combating cyberbullying requires a mix of AI and PI—artificial intelligence and parental intelligence.”

Related: Having the Tough Talk about Cyberbullying with Your Kids

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7 Non-Sneaky Ways to Get Your Kids to Love Veggies

by Dahlia Rimmon, MS, RDN

When babies suddenly turn into picky toddlers overnight, refusing their favorite maple-roasted carrots and tossing their butternut squash fries on the floor, the idea of hiding veggies in their food is super tempting. It’s almost too easy: mixing riced cauliflower into regular rice, blending mashed sweet potato into muffin batter, or baking black bean into brownies. But is sneaking vegetables into your kid’s food actually the best way forward? 

We want our kids to like veggies because there are so many reasons to. They’re yummy, they can be prepared in so many different ways, and they’re packed with essential vitamins and minerals that do so many awesome things for our bodies. But hiding them without disclosure can be tricky, fostering a sense of distrust that can backfire in the long run. Instilling a love of vegetables (or, at times, a tolerance) involves understanding their ever-evolving preferences and establishing an appreciation for veggies as they are—not disguised in smoothies, mac and cheese, or cookies (though these are all totally fine if you tell your littles what they’re eating).

Instead of trying to pull a fast one on your children by slipping vegetables into their meals undetected, let’s explore some more effective strategies to increase the likelihood that your kiddo will eat them. 

Variety is the spice of life

Regularly switch up the way you serve veggies. Roast cauliflower instead of steaming it or cut zucchini into half moons rather than thin spears. Your kiddo might be avoiding steamed cauliflower because it’s too mushy, and rejecting zucchini spears because, well, toddlers being toddlers! Another approach is to flavor your veggies differently. Maybe your little is bored of garlic-sesame green beans (how dare they?!), so experiment with new flavor profiles using zaatar, mild curry, soy sauce, or ghee. Lots of toddlers love the act of dipping, so throw some creamy ranch on the side of raw veggie sticks. The key here is to vary the texture, flavor, and presentation.

Serve vegetables alongside favorite foods 

Create a sense of safety and comfort with the unknown by serving veggies alongside (not hidden in) their favorite dishes. Kids will often reject new foods because they feel overwhelmed by the novelty. If you plop a piece of roasted eggplant on their plate, it might make them feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed and they’ll likely turn it down. However, if you present the roasted eggplant alongside their favorite fruit or pasta, they may feel more comfortable at mealtime, increasing the likelihood that they’ll eat it. It’s not an instant magical solution, but your kiddo has a better chance of trying something new if they feel at ease at the table.

Ease into veggies by having some fun

Another way to make veggies less intimidating is to introduce them without the expectation that they be eaten right away. Make them fun by setting up creative art projects like crafting rainbow veggie kabobs or making smiley faces out of broccoli, tomatoes, and bell peppers. Build towers with carrots and cucumbers, explore gardening, or let them pick out a new vegetable at the grocery store. The key is to approach veggies in a laid-back manner—no pressure necessary!

Consider taking on a sous chef (or three)

Involving your kids in the kitchen allows them to experience food in a new, interactive way. Try kicking off your cooking adventures with a field trip to the grocery store to pick out ingredients. They can help you prep the grocery list and find the items at the store. Then, put your kids to work peeling, spinning the salad spinner, whirring the blender, or chopping (I love these kid-friendly knives!). They can also help keep track of when dishes are ready and assist in serving them when it’s time to eat. The whole experience gives them a glimpse into a food’s journey from the grocery shelves to the plate.

Try a little exposure therapy 

The more opportunities your kiddo has to engage with veggies, the better, as it helps them become more familiar with the food. Regularly incorporate them into meals and snacks to increase exposure. Serve them family-style on a large plate in the center of the table so they can choose what looks tempting, or offer small portions with plated meals to keep it breezy. Funnily enough, some kids eat better in groups, so consider serving a veggie tray at your next play date and watch what happens. 

Give them some autonomy

Offering kids choices is one of the best parenting hacks I’ve discovered. It empowers kids by giving them a sense of control over their options and boosts their confidence. When serving veggies, give your kids the opportunity to choose how they’re prepared, served, or plated. For instance, you could ask, “Would you like some ranch dressing or Thousand Island dressing with your carrots?” or “Would you prefer your cucumbers cut into circles or spears?”

Never resort to bribing or bargaining

While bribing your kids to eat veggies may seem like a good idea when you’re at your wit’s end, it’s actually not helpful (or beneficial) in the long run. When you use bribery or bargaining tactics, you’re sending the message that one food has more value than another. Plus, placing certain items on a pedestal isn’t the best approach to fostering a healthy relationship with food. Kids will be kids, and they’ll always want what they can’t have or what seems more special, which can turn into an unhealthy obsession. Ultimately, we want children to genuinely enjoy veggies, not just eat them as a means of getting dessert.

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Mom Shares ‘Secret Code’ Idea So Her Kid Always Has a Way Out of a Tough Situation

by Julie Scagell

As our kids get older, it can be tough to watch them leave the house, knowing they will sometimes find themselves in uncomfortable situations. While they’re part of growing up, helping our kids navigate these experiences is a natural and oftentimes necessary way to make sure they’re safe. On Reddit, one parent shared a code that they use with their teen in case their child needs help and is feeling uncomfortable about letting anyone else know.

“It’s code for I want to come home, but I want it to be your fault,” they wrote. “Any random emoji when we’re not texting each other will work.”

Secret parenting codes
byu/Limitless_yt89 inMadeMeSmile

“He was supposed to be staying the night with a friend, so I was concerned when I get this text after I’d already gone to bed. I called him and told him ‘you were supposed to unload the dishwasher before you left, and now you’ve lost your privilege of spending the night. I’ll be there in five minutes, have your stuff gathered up.”

Parents jumped in to say they also use codes or other methods, so their kids can get out of tricky situations without fear of any repercussions. The goal is to make it simple, easy to remember, and one that can alert a parent or caregiver that they need to take action immediately:

“Ours was saying things that didn’t make a lot of sense,” another wrote. “‘Don’t forget to feed Shelby.’ Shelby was our long-dead dog.”

“Ours was all in the wording,” one mom shared. “If my kid texted me ‘can I spend the night at Kristin‘s?’ it meant that she genuinely wanted to spend the night at Kristin‘s. If she texted me ‘Kristin wants me to spend the night,’ that [meant] she wanted me to say no. It was very subtle, but this way, if Kristin happened to grab my daughter’s phone, she could read the texts and not suspect [any]thing.”

The original poster said when their son got in the car, he said, “his friend’s grandpa was making him feel uncomfortable, but he didn’t know how to tell the friend he wanted to leave. Then he thanked me for getting him out of there.”

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10 Things Partners Should Never Say to Each Other in Front of the Kids

by Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

Avoid using bad language when emotions are high

For couples that co-parent together, the strength of their partnership and how they treat each other (through good times and bad) are essential ingredients to building a strong and steady foundation for their kids. While occasional disagreements between partners are inevitable (and totally normal), when those disagreements escalate to the point of no return and are aired out in front of children, the exchange of harsh words can have lasting negative effects on the family dynamic. Children need to feel a sense of security and stability, and parents who undermine each other can cause confusion, anxiety, and even long-term emotional damage. For couples looking to maintain a united front and respect for one another, and foster a healthy and supportive family environment, here are 10 things partners should never say to each other.

1. “Why can’t you do a better job with …”

Whether it’s complaints about changing diapers or playing too rough with the kids, criticizing your partner’s parenting style or abilities in front of your children should be verboten for couples. An international study found that children of all ages, from infants to adolescents, can show signs of disrupted early brain development, sleep problems, anxiety, and other serious problems as a result of living with severe or chronic inter-parental conflict.

2. “Remember the last time when you …”

It’s important to avoid bringing up past mistakes or disagreements in front of the kids, which can make them feel uncomfortable or caught in the middle. Focus on the present and the future, and encourage children to do the same.

3. “You’re being an idiot.”

Using insults and hurtful language to describe or address your partner is never acceptable—especially in front of your children. Name calling, even in a moment of anger, sets a bad example and can cause children to believe that it’s OK to disrespect others, too. Studies have also shown a correlation between men who insult their intimate partners and a higher incidence of domestic violence.

4. “You’re driving me crazy!”

Yelling or shouting at your partner in front of the kids can be scary and intimidating, and can create a stressful and unpleasant home environment. Long-term studies on the impact of yelling at home have shown a link between harsh verbal discipline and children’s conduct problems and depressive symptoms.

5. “Why are you always such a sensitive crybaby?”

Dismissing or belittling your partner’s feelings or concerns can cause them to feel unimportant and unheard. Children may feel similarly dismissed and belittled, and the negative mental health consequences of children experiencing fighting parents have been well-documented.

6. “You’re acting just like your [overbearing mother].”

Criticizing or making negative comments about your partner’s family or friends can cause tension and resentment, and can create a hostile environment for kids.

7. “We’re getting a divorce!”

Even if a couple is going through a rough patch, threatening to end the relationship in front of the kids can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety for them, who may feel insecure and unsure about the future of their family as well as their own future.

8. “We can’t afford anything with how much money you spend.”

Financial issues can be a major source of conflict in relationships, but it’s important to avoid discussing them in front of the kids, who shouldn’t have to deal with the stress or anxiety related to financial matters. Learning how to talk to children about money starts early and helps to set good habits and values for the future.

9. “If you don’t do …, it’s over.”

Making ultimatums or demands can cause tension and conflict in any relationship, but doing so in front of children can create an unstable and unpredictable environment for them. Experts say parents should take a step back, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and remember they are on the same team.

10. “S#&^!”

Avoid swearing or using inappropriate language with your partner in front of your kids. Does a curse word occasionally slip out here or there in everyday life? Sure. But using them regularly in conversation is offensive, lazy, and teaches kids that they don’t need to find the right words to properly express themselves.

Related: I Never Imagined How Much My Marriage Would Change After Kids

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When Should You Stop Changing in Front of Your Kids?

by Melissa Heckscher

Being naked in front of our little ones seems perfectly natural. At least, at first. After all, how else would we get our showers in if not for the baby bouncer propped in the middle of the bathroom during those first few months of parenthood? And anyway, we see them naked plenty when we bathe them, change them, or witness their glorious bare-butted happy dances just before bedtime. But at what point do our hanging bits start to become a little… awkward? Should we let it all out until the day our kids bark, “Cover up, Mom!” or “Put some clothes on, Dad!” Or should we opt for modesty before that?

“I think that the question is, ‘Will it harm a child to see a parent without their clothes on, partly or fully? My short answer is no,'” said developmental psychologist Ted Hutman, assistant clinical professor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. “The driving thought behind this for me is that nudity isn’t dirty; it isn’t bad; it isn’t obscene. Nudity isn’t the same as sex.”

What little research there has been on the topic seems to agree. An 18-year longitudinal study of 200 boys and girls who were exposed to parental nudity found that there was no harmful effect on any of the following areas: self-acceptance; relations with peers, parents, and other adults; antisocial and criminal behavior; substance use; suicidal ideation; quality of sexual relationships; and problems associated with sexual relations.

That said, whether or not you bare your bod in front of your kids has everything to do with your personal beliefs and comfort level, as well as how your kids feel about it. Here’s what experts say about when (if ever) you should stop changing in front of your kids, plus a few other things you should know about setting those body boundaries.

Stop Changing in Front of Your Child…

1. When Either Parent or Child is Uncomfortable

Let’s be frank: Going full-frontal in front of your self-aware eight-year-old just feels different than baring it all in front of your brand-new baby. But is it? That depends on who you ask. According to Hutman, parents’ feelings about nudity may hinge on cultural or religious beliefs, with some groups valuing modesty more than others. He stressed that feelings about nudity are valid no matter which way they swing (to bare, or not to bare).  

“I don’t think that a parent should do anything that they’re uncomfortable with if it goes against the grain for them—and that might have to do with their upbringing,” Hutman said. “I don’t think that it’s going to harm the child, but I really don’t want to tell people to do something or not to do something. It’s about what they’re comfortable with.” 

Same goes for the kids. If you’re walking around the house naked and your child screams, “Ew, mom, stop!” you should consider their discomfort and act accordingly. It’s also important to talk with your kids about what’s driving their discomfort. You don’t want kids to be ashamed of their bodies (or yours), but you also want to impart the message that their boundaries should be respected.

“I think it’s OK for a parent to say, ‘I’m not embarrassed, but if you are let me know,'” Hutman said. “If a kid says, ‘Mom that’s gross.’ It’s an interesting thing to say, ‘No it’s not gross.'” 

2. When the Child Starts Expressing a Need for Privacy

Most kids—no matter how body-positive their parents are—want privacy at some point, usually by the tween years, but sometimes much earlier than that. Dr. Beth Cowart, a Los Angeles-based adolescent and child psychiatrist said that when kids start to naturally seek out privacy, this is when parents should be a little more careful where and when they show their stuff. “Many times when kids reach 8, 9 or 10 they develop modesty themselves,” Cowart said. “We 100 percent want to respect that.” 

3. If the Child is a Little Too Curious

Some kids are so curious about the body that their questions, interest, or incessant staring might make a parent feel uncomfortable. Questions are okay, but if a kid’s interest feels inappropriate to a parent, it’s probably time to move toward modesty. “There might be kids who really seem to be precociously or prematurely sexual,” Hutman said. “These are kids for whom I would say, ‘Let’s change the behavior.'” 

The Pros of Nudity

Just ask blogger Rita Templeton why she wants her sons to see her naked. About a decade ago, the mom of four wrote a post about why she goes bare in front of her boys—who were 2, 5, 6, and 9 at the time. The post, which centered on the importance of her boys seeing “real” women’s bodies, went viral after being published on Huff Post.

“Before they’re exposed to boobs that are as round and firm as cantaloupes and pictures of taut, airbrushed, dimple-less butts—I’m exposing them to a different kind of female body. Mine,” Temptleton wrote on the blog. “I don’t lounge around in the buff like my boys do (and I spend more time saying, “Put on some pants!” than anything else)—but I’ve never refrained from changing clothes in front of them, or leaving the door open when I shower, or nursing babies without a cover. Because I want them to see what a real female body looks like.”

Seeing what real bodies look like—and kids being comfortable with theirs—matters. According to Cowart, parents should do what they can to make sure their kids don’t confuse modesty with embarrassment about their bodies. “Sometimes when parents start expressing the idea of modesty, it introduces shame—that they should cover up,” she said. “We want kids to feel comfortable with their bodies, and we can model that ourselves.”

Related: How to Raise a Girl With a Healthy Body Image

What About Touching?

While there’s no set age when parents should reach for the robe, there is a time when kids should learn that our “bodies are private” when it comes to touching. This should happen around age 3 or 4 when kids start to understand that nudity isn’t an anywhere/anytime phenomenon (before this, most kids are happy to run around the house naked without a second thought).

“Kids are really curious; they’ll touch,” Cowart said. “That’s a good opportunity to say, ‘This is my private area and I’m not comfortable with you touching me there.'” It’s also a good time to talk about consent, and who can and can’t touch their private parts. The answer: Only they can—and a doctor, if you’re in the room.

Does Age or Gender Matter?

Not really. Experts say as long as it’s 100 percent un-sexualized (with no touching involved) being naked in front of kids is not harmful, no matter the gender. “We have to separate nudity from sexuality,” Cowart emphasized. “There’s nothing inherently wrong with being nude.”

That said, it may be a non-issue—since many kids naturally start choosing their own gender in the household when it comes to which parent can help (or be around) at changing or bath time. And, stresses Hutman, it’s important to listen to both the parent and the child when it comes to comfort. “I know dads who say, ‘They’re not going to see me without my clothes on.’ That’s the father’s discomfort and I respect that,” he said.

When to Have “The Talk”

Whether or not you’re comfortable baring your bum in front of your fam, it’s important to talk to your kids about the issue to make sure they don’t confuse modesty with shame. This conversation can begin as early as 2 or 3, when kids might start “wanting to touch parts of the parents’ anatomy or staring or asking questions,” Cowart said.

Answer any questions matter-of-factly, keeping in mind that nudity is not, in itself, taboo. We’re all naked under those clothes, after all. Even if you’re not comfortable showing some skin, your kids should know that there is nothing wrong with their bodies (or yours). “Some people are not comfortable being nude around other people; it doesn’t mean that their child has to have the same experience,” Cowart said. “And covering up has nothing to do with the shape of their body; it just has to do with their comfort level and their desire for privacy.”

This is also a good time to tell kids that being naked around friends, classmates—or any grown-up besides the doctor (with a parent in the room)—is not OK. It’s also a good opportunity to talk about things like consent and privacy.

What Other Parents Say

Doctors can talk all they want about the potential positives of nude-friendly homes. But that doesn’t mean all parents will be okay with it. On Reddit, the opinions on the issue run the gamut:

“For me, it didn’t get weird until my 5yo made up a song that he’ll sing anytime he sees me naked: “I see your boobies! I see your nipples!” I figured that was the sign it was time to talk about privacy,” said one mom.

“My daughter is 3.5 and likes to hang out and talk to my husband when he is in the shower. We have a big glass box of a shower. I think it’s good for her to know factually about different body parts for boys and girls,” said another.

Said another: “Team naked fam! We have family bath/shower time with mom, dad, and daughter. Nudity does not mean sexuality. Agree with all the comments that the kid can decide when they want more privacy. But being comfortable with your own body helps kids be comfortable with theirs as well.”

“I stopped being naked around them around the age of 4. I prefer privacy and I am a part of my family too, and would like to get dressed without an audience,” said another.

The Takeaway

If your brood likes to skinnydip in the pool, or you prefer sleeping in the nude—go for it!  There’s no research to suggest that parental nudity harms kids (as long as it’s not sexualized). Nakedness not your thing? That’s fine, too. And you definitely don’t need to worry if your kids accidentally walk in on you while you’re lathering up in the shower. Remember: That kid was probably rocking a bouncer in that same spot not so long ago.

“As long they’re not dancing and gesticulating, I don’t think it’s harmful to see a parent nude,” Hutman said. “I think it’s a great message to say, ‘I’m not embarrassed and you shouldn’t be either.'” 

Related: I’m Embracing My Body for My Daughter’s Sake

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10 Times Your Daughter Shouldn’t Say Sorry

By Raising Awesome Girls Powered By Girl Scouts

You’re raising your girl to be responsible for what she says and does and to know when and how to give a sincere apology when she messes up. But is she apologizing more than she needs to?

Studies show women are more likely than men to presume they were in the wrong or think their own actions might have upset someone, and those patterns start early. There could be many reasons for this, but some think girls and women are quick to apologize because they’re taught to “keep the peace” and be nurturers who put the emotional wellbeing and happiness of others first.

So often, girls and women start talking by saying, “I’m sorry, but I feel like [fill in the blank]”—and that sentence structure can literally become a habit. The problem? When your girl apologizes for something that wasn’t her fault, others might start to see her as someone who is at fault. Someone whose shortcomings inconvenience others, even if that’s far from the case.

Read this list from Girl Scouts with your girl, and remind her that although it’s important to make amends when she’s truly done something wrong, apologizing when she hasn’t can undermine how others see her and damage her self-worth.

There’s No Need to Say “Sorry”…

1. When someone bumps into her. She has just as much of a right to take up space in this world as anyone else.

2. When she tried her best. Maybe she didn’t win the science fair or make the basketball team, and that’s OK. Nobody’s perfect.

3. When she’s not feeling well, even if it messes up plans for others. It’s not like she went around looking for germs. Help her focus on getting better instead of apologizing.

4. For leaving when someone makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. One of the most important things to explain to your girl is that she doesn’t need to “be polite” or stay in the same vicinity as someone who makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. She just needs to get out of there and tell a caring adult as fast as possible.

5. For her feelings. Some might be uncomfortable with your girl’s anger, sadness, or disappointment, but that doesn’t mean those feelings are bad or wrong.

6. For sticking up for herself. It takes guts to take a stand and defend yourself or others against bullies. Doing the right thing is never something to apologize for.

7. For having high expectations. Expecting the people in her life to follow through and keep their word isn’t a crime.

8. For setting boundaries. Whether a friend wants to cheat off her homework or someone is invading her personal space, she has every right to say no.

9. For sharing knowledge. Knowing her stuff and using the information to help others is awesome. Someone else’s insecurity is not your girl’s problem.

10. For her appearance. Who does she get dressed for in the morning? Herself. If others don’t like it, that’s fine.

So what can she say instead of sorry? Tell your girl to start by saying how she’s feeling in short, declarative sentences. So instead of “I’m sorry, I have a question,” she could say, “I have a question.” Skipping the apology doesn’t make her rude—in fact, it puts apologies back in their rightful role as a way to make amends when she’s actually done something hurtful or wrong.

Stress to your girl the importance of speaking with intention. Apologizing for no reason or when she’s not at fault dilutes the sentiment. Have her save it for when it counts. When it’s heartfelt and for the right reasons, the power of “sorry” will be more meaningful both to her and to the person on the receiving end!

Want more tips on Raising Awesome Girls? We’ve got you covered.

Originally published December 2019. This post originally appeared on Raising Awesome Girls, powered by Girl Scouts.

RELATED LINKS
Daughters (Who’ll Conquer the World) Need to Hear These 8 Things
7 Powerful Things My Daughter Needs to Know Before Middle School
The Only 2 Things to Say to Your Kid After a Game

Raising Awesome Girls Powered By Girl Scouts
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Raising girls to be happy, healthy, and successful is simpler than ever with help from Girl Scouts. From knowing how much to help with her homework to navigating sensitive issues in the news with your family, we've got everything you need to raise girls with confidence. 

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6 Lessons from ‘Pinocchio’ That Your Child Can Take Back to School

by Marianella Orlando
Partner Content

Star light, star bright. Parents, get ready, the back-to-school season is in sight. As you create a new schedule and get all of your kiddo’s supplies ahead of time, it’s important to prepare your children in other ways, too.

To help your little one have another exciting and successful year in the books, Disney’s live-action remake of the classic Pinocchio can provide some important life lessons. The new film honors its 1940 animated predecessor with its beloved themes of honesty, good behavior, trusting your gut and listening to your heart, to name a few.

Pinocchio stars Tom Hanks as Geppetto the woodcarver, Benjamin Evan Ainsworth as the wooden boy Pinocchio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the official conscience Jiminy Cricket and Cynthia Erivo as the ever-so-forgiving Blue Fairy. Other notable characters include “Honest” John voiced by Keegan-Michael Key and The Coachman (Luke Evans) as well as the newly-introduced Sofia the Seagull (Lorraine Bracco).

Slated to premiere worldwide on Disney+ on September 8, Pinocchio will be released just in time for the new school year. Here are seven important lessons your little ones can use to guide them during their first day of school and beyond.

1. “Prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish”

For Pinocchio, his dishonesty and mischievousness get him into a great deal of trouble — so much so, he almost ruins his opportunity to become a real boy and indirectly places Gepetto in danger. Although the chances of you and your spouse being swallowed by a giant whale are slim to none, Pinocchio’s experience can illustrate to kids that telling the truth, being courageous and focusing on those you care for goes a long way in life. Whereas “a lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as plain as the nose on your face.”

2. Let your conscience be your guide

While your kiddos can’t give a little whistle for Jiminy Cricket to come to the rescue, they do have their own tiny voice inside their head that can help them differentiate right from wrong. Inspire them to trust their instincts if they’re confronted with temptation or find themselves in a situation that can get them into trouble. If a classmate is encouraging them to misbehave, they should know it’s okay to stand their ground and do what’s good.

3. It’s never too late to do the right thing

Pinocchio makes a handful of mistakes, from skipping school and running off to giving into temptation, but he eventually learns that being honest is best. As your youngster enters a new grade, makes new friends and discovers more about themselves, it’s important they know that if they mess up, they can correct their wrongs. Similar to Pinocchio, no matter how many mistakes they make, it’s never too late to be a good kid and do what’s right.

4. The love of a parent is truly unmatched

While no parent wants to receive negative feedback from their kiddo’s teacher—they didn’t do their homework or were too disruptive in class—there’s no denying that they’ll still love them no matter what. So as your little ones enter this new school year, remind them that if they ever need help or are struggling with a problem at school (whether it’s big or small), you’ll be by their side.

5. Always dream big

Although we, too, would love to wish upon a star and have a Blue Fairy grant our wish, never giving up on our dreams is important as we go through life. Maybe your child wants to become captain of their sports team or maybe they want to take up an instrument or hobby. Whatever their new goal may be, motivate them to keep chasing after it. Along with mom and dad’s support, they can do anything they set their mind to.

6. Don’t be too trusting of those you don’t know

Honest John, who families learn isn’t so honest at all, sways Pinocchio into skipping his first day of school to become an “actor.” Pinocchio immediately believes the deceitful fox and follows him instead of going to class. In today’s day and age, it’s necessary to stress the importance of not talking to strangers. If an adult they don’t know approaches them and makes them feel uncomfortable, they should immediately ask a teacher, school administrator, coach or someone they know for help when mom or dad is not around.

Sign up for Disney+ to stream Pinocchio on September 8. You must be 18 years of age or older to subscribe. Additional terms apply. To learn more, visit disneyplus.com.

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7 Tips for Talking to Kids about LGBTQ

By Reena B. Patel

Children often ask their parents questions that can make them feel uncomfortable and unprepared to answer. And they often come up at times when you least expect it to.

They may hear certain words or terms such as LGBTQ at school or on TV, but not know what it actually means. Social media has been a catalyst for social change, acceptance and inclusivity among preteen and teenage youth. Many children already see that families in our world can look different from their own—whether it’s on television or when they are with you in the community.

As a parenting expert, licensed educational psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and author of Winnie & Her Worries, my advice? The best thing you can do is to explain to your kids that families can have different cultural traditions, religions, and values.

As parents, you want to be there to introduce and answer questions since children turn to us for many answers. Remember even at an early age you can teach the value of empathy and respect for others, as well as open the door for any future conversations regarding their own identity. Here are my tips on how to speak with your children about LGBTQ:

1. Start discussions early and be matter of fact. Use the words sometimes and if your child asks why another child wants to wear a dress but he looks like a boy, that is your opening to have the discussion on choice, inclusion and belonging. Remember that society created the theme stereotypes that boys play with cars and girls play with dolls.

2. Don’t be afraid to use words that describe sexual orientation as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, especially if the person you’re talking about uses this to describe themselves.

3. Actively listen to your kids. This will help you make sure you understand what your child is asking and what they already understand about the topic.

4. Be honest with your children. It’s ok to not have an answer. Encourage your child to continue to ask questions. Do keep your responses developmentally appropriate.

5. This is not a one-and-done conversation. Use media and/or life experiences as opportunities to continue and discuss the topic. Especially after they develop further understanding after processing what they learned themselves.

6. Remember to reinforce that although some families may look different, they’re really not that different. They love each other just like we love just like your own family does.

7. Talk about what a sense of belonging means. How to be inclusive and demonstrate kindness. Having these conversations with our children helps create a safer, more inclusive community for everyone.

RELATED:
When Your Fourth Grade Son Is Called “Gay”
5 Trivia Questions for Pride Month
5 Ways to Talk about Pride Month with Kids

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year

 

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Why We Share Our Journey

By Laura Costas

In short, I’d say it’s for awareness and education. To make it more common and comfortable for people to see others with differences whether it’s in appearance, speech or behaviors.

I guess because we are so immersed in autism 24/7, I forget sometimes that there are people who don’t know anyone personally with it and it may feel foreign and possibly uncomfortable.

That’s okay! I get it. Before we had Alex, I think I would probably feel uncomfortable if I was standing at a bus stop and someone started jumping and flapping and making unusual sounds. It’s different. But I would love it if this could be put out into the world so people are made aware of it so it’s not scary. People could just be like “Oh, ok maybe this person is different. Let me give them some space or smile at them or whatever.”

Anything new takes time to get used to and feel comfortable with.

What’s not okay is bullying or derogatory language. It still feels like a little gut punch when I hear people say the ‘R’ word. You can come up with any excuse you want, but the fact of the matter is that it is used as an insult. It’s never used to describe something amazing. My Alex also has a diagnosis of intellectual disability and knowing that the ‘R’ word is often used to describe people like my son makes it sting even more.

This is why representation matters.

TV, media, us just being out and about in the community. Not just Alex and our family, but all the families who live with autism.

I feel there needs to be more representation of our kind of autism. We need to put faces to the word for there to be a human connection. People need to teach their kids to be accepting and be kind to people who are different.

The reason I’m writing this right now is that even though it’s 2021, I still see and hear stories of abuse and mistreatment.

Can I tell you how much preparation (both physically and emotionally) and courage it takes for some of us to just take our kids out of the house because we know the stares and judgment we’ll get just for being different? I can tell you how much it would mean to me as a mom, if someone would just show me a little smile, like “Hey, I see you. You’re not invisible. Welcome.” It would melt my heart, I tell ya. That’s all we want. Humanity.

Through our page, I hope that people will see Alex, first and foremost, as a human being who, despite his differences and challenges, also has gifts and a smile that’ll warm your heart, and that he deserves to be treated with the same respect and kindness that everyone deserves. If you feel brave to say “Hi” and he doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally. He can’t always speak, but he hears you and so do I, and it means so much that you tried.

If you see someone out who is having a meltdown, stimming physically or verbally, not responding? Don’t judge. Don’t insult. Don’t hurt or take advantage of. Remember: Different, not less. Just. Be. Kind. I promise you, it feels so much better than the alternative.

Remember, these people are someone’s child, brother, sister, auntie, uncle. They are a person with feelings and emotions just like you. Treat others how you would want yourself and your own kids to be treated.

This post originally appeared on The Autism Ride Facebook.
Feature image: AndyvKatz via iStock 

Hi! My name is Laura and I'm a mom of two beautiful kids in Vancouver, Canada. I write a blog on Facebook called The Autism Ride, all about the ups and downs in life with our teenaged son on the spectrum.

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Dear White Allies

By Natalie Fuertes

Photo: istock

It’s been over a week since the murder of George Floyd. Are you tired? I’ve seen a lot of you say that the weight of the nation is exhausting right now—the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the constant news updates. The fear that you’re going to say or do something wrong sits heavy on your chest. I ask you to sit with that weight, that exhaustion, that vulnerability. It’s so important to do so now more than ever. Why? Because that’s the weight that our black community has been carrying alone for decades. It’s time to carry that burden with them.

The way that you’re questioning every move you make, every word you say, is what POC have to do every day. Those little things build up. Do you text your friend the night before a job interview to ask them if you should straighten your hair because you’re afraid you won’t get the job if you wear it natural? Do you hide your bottle of water before you walk into a store because you’re afraid they’ll think you stole it? Have you ever had to talk to your kids about what to do if they ever get arrested? And those are just the small, everyday things. But they build up.

I’m probably in the minority when I say this, but now is the time for uplifting, hopeful messages. I’m seeing a lot of you say, “We need some goodness in our lives right now.” And while it’s good for everyone’s mental health to carve out some moments of peace for yourself, so that you can smile even just for a second, it’s important that we sit in the hurt, discomfort, and overwhelm right now. Why? Because if we don’t, then this fire that we all feel right now is just going to burn out. We’re going to go back to our everyday lives after a few days of posting meaningful quotes and this will just be another protest that goes nowhere. We owe it to the black community to feel uncomfortable right now.

So I encourage you to spend some time in the dark. In the hurt. In the pain. In the confusion. In the sadness. In the anger.

Natalie Fuertes is the owner of Industry Gymnastics, a gymnastics facility in NYC that focuses on creating a space that is welcoming to all children, regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual-orientation. She is a proud Nuyorican, racial justice advocate, wife, and mama of two. 

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