Being a stay-at-home mom sounds a bit like a dream, right? After all the years of working, earning and saving, finally, the day comes when you’re off on maternity leave. Maybe a nice baby shower with lots of cake and cute clothes and teddy bears. Then, finally, you get to sit and put your feet up and wait for this little person to take over your life.

And then he or she arrives. No sleep, lots of crying, constant hunger… and that’s just you! Babies are so demanding at first, and our whole life is about trying to seek out a little bit of undisturbed sleep where we aren’t worrying about whether the baby has stopped breathing in bed or our boobs aren’t painful, swollen rocks leaking little puddles onto the sheets.

But one day, everything settles down into a bit of a routine. You find that you get back some sleep and you start to feel human again. Now’s the fun bit, right? You get to just hang out with this little person, go to the park, long walks in the pram, coffee with other moms and just kicking back while the rest of the world keeps working.

The baby doesn’t need you 24/7 anymore and, in fact, you can start leaving them with other people for short periods. Your brain is starting to work again, slowly. You can even start to hold a decent conversation without either yawning or crying.

Now, I don’t know about other moms out there, but this was about the time I started to get bored. And this was, as a result, where the guilt really started!

I struggled to get up in the morning and focus for the day. Some days, I really found it hard to get motivated to leave the house at all. I felt like I was really cheating the system and just sitting around contributing nothing. I knew all the rhetoric—stay-at-home moms work harder than anyone in the workplace, enjoy the time to yourself and with your baby, they are little for such a short time, blah blah blah.

But I just couldn’t get into it.

I would try and get into being a really present and tuned-in mom. I would sit down and do some kind of really fun and engaging game with him that I had seen on Play School –yeah, this is awesome… look how much fun he’s having… I’m such a good mom, I would think. Then I’d look at the clock. Ten minutes had passed!! I still had the whole rest of the day to fill.

I realized why so many moms join mother’s groups and coffee mornings. It’s just to fill in time and get out of the house so the day goes faster! I’m not really much of a “joiner,” though, so I struggled to turn up for those kinds of things, and as a result, I spent a lot of time on my own slowly going crazy.

The guilt was enormous.

Why wasn’t I enjoying this more? What’s wrong with me that I am not relishing not having to go to work and have boring conversations with people all day about stuff that doesn’t really matter? I mean, after all, isn’t this the most important work you can do?

Well, I didn’t feel important; in fact, I felt like a fraud. Everyone else was out there earning a living and contributing to society, and I was here at home with this beautiful little human I made, bored out of my mind reading board books and playing with teddies all day.

Then one day, someone emailed me asking me to do some part-time work from home.

I resisted at first, feeling a different type of guilt. It was the guilt of admitting to myself that I didn’t really like staying at home. This is much harder guilt to overcome when there is absolutely nothing in life stopping you from enjoying staying at home with your baby.

While you feel like people will judge you if you go back to work and leave bub with someone, you feel equally judged being at home and not really having your head fully into being a mom. I know everyone says that just being with you is all the baby needs, but I really felt like I was completely robbing this kid of having someone around who could actually do fun things that would help his development.

So I hired a nanny and took this job.

The first day I left him, there were tears all around. I was crying at leaving him, he was crying that mommy had ditched him with some complete stranger and the guilt was so intense I could almost taste it.

But then I got in the car, I turned up the music (and my resolve) and I headed into the city. I spent a few hours in meetings where I was briefed about my role, I got to meet a few people, I had a nice lunch and then I sat for a moment in a coffee shop. For the first time in months, I felt pretty happy.

I headed home and walked in to be greeted with the most amazing sight. My little boy was sitting with our nanny, on her lap, playing with a little toy, and she was singing and playing the xylophone. They were having a lovely time.

You could tell just taking one look at this woman that hanging out with kids is her favorite thing to do in life. They had obviously been having a ball. She’d done some foot painting with him, they’d been out for a walk and bought some books at the second-hand shop. She was just glowing with happiness and excitement at having spent a few hours with my son.

And I actually felt a great sense of relief and contentment. From that day on, I was a much happier person and, I think, a much better mom. On the days I wasn’t working, I really loved every second of being with my boy, and on the days I was working, I really loved every second of being on my own. It was as though it took being away from him to make me realize how special it was to actually be with him.

It took me this time to realize that I’m not the sort of person who can stay at home all day with a baby, and that is actually OK. The thing about parenting is that you have to do it the way that works for you.

There’s no right or wrong way to organize your family or to live your life. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting that you just don’t like not staying at home full-time.

Everyone needs balance, and I actually think it’s really healthy to have your kids get used to being looked after by other people and to understand early on that they really can live without you. And if, at the end of the day, you are a happier, more peaceful person, then that can only make you a better mom as well.

So don’t allow yourself to feel guilt, regardless of what you end up doing. As long as you love your kids and you set up your life so that you are the best person you can be when you are with them, then you are being a good parent. Go out and live life the best way you can and always remember, you are a person in your own right, as well as a mom who loves your kids. There’s no room for any guilt in that sentence!

Originally published Sept. 2016.

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I'm a Dubai expat mum and I love to tell the funny side of life here and about travelling the world with a young family.Because let’s face it – no matter how well planned your travel journey, its those those funny, quirky moments that appear out of nowhere that create the real memories. 

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Unless otherwise specified in an individual contest post, entry to this contest is limited to one email per entry. All associated email addresses must be valid and deliverable.

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On or about August 23, 2019, Sponsor will select five (5) potential prize winners and one (1) potential grand prize winner in a random drawing from all eligible entries received throughout the Sweepstakes Period. The odds of winning will be determined by the number of entries. The winners will be selected in a random drawing from all eligible entries received whose decisions regarding all aspects of the Sweepstakes shall be final and binding. On or about August 23, 2019, potential winners will be notified by the valid email submitted for entry and may be required to complete an Affidavit of Eligibility, Liability and Publicity Release (unless prohibited by law) and any other documents required by Sponsor, which must be returned to and received by Sponsor within seven (7) calendar days of issuance. If a winner does not contact Red Tricycle within 72 hours, declines to accept a prize, or in the event that a prize or prize notification is returned as undeliverable, the winner will be disqualified and the Sponsor may elect, at its own discretion, to select an alternate winner. By participating, entrants release Sponsor, prize providers, and their respective parents, subsidiaries, affiliated businesses, advertising and promotion agencies and the officers, directors, employees and agents of each from any and all liability, damages or causes of action (however named or described) for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with receipt, enjoyment, ownership or use of the prize, and winner grants permission to Sponsor to use winner’s name, age, city, state, photograph or likeness for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation or approval (where lawful).

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We’re willing to bet that there has been at least one conversation about pets in your family. Whether you have a furry family member or not, we know that animals spark a lot of interest among kids, which is why we are sharing this interesting news article about pets in our Dinner Table Conversation series.

To kick off your family discussion, we have one simple question: Should pets be allowed in the main cabin of an airplane? With an increasing number of traveling pets, airlines and airports are having to address the controversial topic of comfort animals.

This topic provides a great opportunity for both kids and adults to discuss how rules are established, how they affect different parts of our lives and how a lack of rules can sometimes cause trouble.

When the holidays come around, many of us will be getting on airplanes to visit friends and family or to embark on a much-needed vacation. If you’re one such traveler, see if you can spot a new group of travelers growing in our midst. They often have four legs (though not always) and are an essential and important part of the traveling crew! Yep, we’re talking about pets, but not just any pets—we’re talking specifically about pets categorized as service animals. You’ve probably seen a few before helping disabled people navigate and function in the world, but did you know that service animals are also allowed on planes with their human companions?

In 2017 alone, an estimated 750,000 to 1,000,000 service animals traveled on planes in the United States, that’s significantly greater than the year before where the estimated number of service animals who traveled on planes was closer to 480,000. Why? More than three-quarters of these service animals are considered “comfort” animals or animals that are allowed to accompany passengers who need emotional or mental support when they travel.

But many passengers and airlines are calling out possible misuse of the rule that allows the service animals to travel in the main cabin in the first place. Service animals are trained to provide support to their disabled passengers, but emotional support animals don’t need to undergo any training. When a passenger claims an animal is an emotional support animal, the airline must categorize it as a service animal. This has recently created problems as claims of poorly behaved animals make their way into the news.

Airlines and passengers worry that dishonest people are using the rule to claim they need emotional support just so they can travel with their pets and avoid paying a fee. Moreover, these animals are not trained in any way to travel with their humans, so they could disrupt or disturb other passengers. Recent cases of animals attacking other passengers and even of a passenger trying to take a peacock on a flight have caused quite a bit of a headache to both passengers and airlines.

Congress recently asked the United States Department of Transportation (DOT) to change its service animal rules in order to prevent these instances of fraud. However, the question remains: How can the department make a distinction between passengers who genuinely need service animals and those that are cheating the system? One idea is to use a similar rule you might find in a grocery store, shop or restaurant. Only trained service animals are allowed to enter many of these facilities and they should be able to help their humans navigate.

In 2019, DOT will be issuing its new rules, but we want to know what you think. How would you help DOT avoid people from taking advantage of the system? Should pets be allowed in the main cabin of an airplane with passengers?

Joann Suen & Sapna Satagopan
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We're two perfectly imperfect moms who have five very different kids between the two of us. We believe that topics in news are a fantastic way to spark conversations in families. That's why we started the Dinner Table Conversation series here at Xyza: News for Kids. Won't you join us in the conversation? 

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On or about February 13th, 2015 Sponsor will select one (1) potential grand prize winner and three (3) potential runner ups in a random drawing from all eligible entries received throughout the Sweepstakes Period. The odds of winning will be determined by the number of entries. The winners will be selected in a random drawing from all eligible entries received whose decisions regarding all aspects of the Sweepstakes shall be final and binding. On or about February 13th, 2015, potential winners will be notified by the valid email submitted for entry and may be required to complete an Affidavit of Eligibility, Liability and Publicity Release (unless prohibited by law) and any other documents required by Sponsor, which must be returned to and received by Sponsor within seven (7) calendar days of issuance.If a winner does not contact Red Tricycle within 24 hours, declines to accept a prize, or in the event that a prize or prize notification is returned as undeliverable, the winner will be disqualified and the Sponsor may elect, at its own discretion, to select an alternate winner. By participating, entrants release Sponsor, and their respective parents, subsidiaries, affiliated businesses, advertising and promotion agencies and the officers, directors, employees and agents of each from any and all liability, damages or causes of action (however named or described) for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with receipt, enjoyment, ownership or use of the prize, and winner grants permission to Sponsor to use winner’s name, age, city, state, photograph or likeness for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation or approval (where lawful).

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Each entrant agrees that: (1) any and all disputes, claims, and causes of action arising out of or in connection with this Sweepstakes, or any prizes awarded, shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action, and any judicial proceeding shall take place in a federal or state court within the State of California; (2) any and all claims, judgments, and awards shall be limited to actual out-of-pocket costs incurred, including costs associated with entering this Sweepstakes, but in no event attorneys’ fees; and (3) under no circumstances will entrant be permitted to obtain awards for, and entrant hereby waives all rights to claim, punitive, incidental, and consequential damages, and any other damages, other than for actual out-of-pocket expenses, and any and all rights to have damages multiplied or otherwise increased THE CALIFORNIA COURTS (STATE AND FEDERAL) SHALL HAVE SOLE JURISDICTION OF ANY CONTROVERSIES REGARDING THESE SWEEPSTAKES AND THE LAWS OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA SHALL GOVERN THESE SWEEPSTAKES. Each entrant waives any and all objections to jurisdiction and venue in those courts and hereby submits to the jurisdiction of those courts. If, for any reason, the Sweepstakes is not capable of running as originally planned, the Sponsor, at its sole discretion, reserves the right to cancel the Sweepstakes without liability. Void where prohibited or restricted by law.

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Limit is one entry per email address and by participating in this sweepstake program, you are automatically signed up for Red Tricycle’s free e-mail newsletter.

This Sweepstakes is open to all legal residents of the United States and District of Columbia, and U.S. Military personnel (and their families) with APO/FPO addresses, who are eighteen (18) years of age or older. Participation in this Sweepstakes constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional acceptance of these Official Rules.

All Internet access and usage charges are the responsibility of the entrant. If for any reason the Internet portion of the Sweepstakes is not capable of running as planned, including infection by computer virus, bugs, tampering, unauthorized intervention, fraud, technical failures, or any other causes which corrupt or affect the administration, fairness, integrity or proper conduct of the Sweepstakes, Sponsor reserves the right at its sole discretion, to terminate, modify or suspend the Sweepstakes. All entries received on-line before the on-line portion becomes inoperable, will be included in the random drawing. Sponsor assumes no responsibility for any error, omission, interruption, deletion, defect, delay in operation or transmission, communications line failure, theft or destruction or unauthorized access to, or alteration of, entries. Sponsor is not responsible for any problems or technical malfunctions of any telephone network or lines, computer on-line systems, servers or providers, computer equipment, software, failure of any e-mail or entry to be received by Sponsor on account of technical problems or traffic congestion on the Internet or at any web-site, or any combination thereof, including any injury or damage to entrant’s or any other person’s computer related to or resulting from participation or downloading any materials in this Sweepstakes. In the event of a dispute, eligible electronic entries will be considered made by authorized account owner of the email address submitted at the time of entry. Entries generated by robots or scripts are considered to be a direct violation of sweepstakes policy and will result in immediate disqualification of any and all associated entries. Sponsor is not responsible for printing errors in these Official Rules.

PRIZE(S):

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One (1) $500 thredUP Gift Card

One (1) Etsy Gift Card from Little List

EXCLUSIONS & RESTRICTIONS:

Unless otherwise specified in an individual contest post, entry to this contest is limited to one email per entry. All associated email addresses must be valid and deliverable.

WINNING:

On or about December 18th, 2014, Sponsor will select one (1) potential grand prize winner and three (3) potential runner ups in a random drawing from all eligible entries received throughout the Sweepstakes Period. The odds of winning will be determined by the number of entries. The winners will be selected in a random drawing from all eligible entries received whose decisions regarding all aspects of the Sweepstakes shall be final and binding. On or about December 18th, 2014, potential winners will be notified by the valid email submitted for entry and may be required to complete an Affidavit of Eligibility, Liability and Publicity Release (unless prohibited by law) and any other documents required by Sponsor, which must be returned to and received by Sponsor within seven (7) calendar days of issuance.If a winner does not contact Red Tricycle within 24 hours, declines to accept a prize, or in the event that a prize or prize notification is returned as undeliverable, the winner will be disqualified and the Sponsor may elect, at its own discretion, to select an alternate winner. By participating, entrants release Sponsor, and their respective parents, subsidiaries, affiliated businesses, advertising and promotion agencies and the officers, directors, employees and agents of each from any and all liability, damages or causes of action (however named or described) for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with receipt, enjoyment, ownership or use of the prize, and winner grants permission to Sponsor to use winner’s name, age, city, state, photograph or likeness for advertising and promotional purposes without additional compensation or approval (where lawful).

DISPUTES:

Each entrant agrees that: (1) any and all disputes, claims, and causes of action arising out of or in connection with this Sweepstakes, or any prizes awarded, shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action, and any judicial proceeding shall take place in a federal or state court within the State of California; (2) any and all claims, judgments, and awards shall be limited to actual out-of-pocket costs incurred, including costs associated with entering this Sweepstakes, but in no event attorneys’ fees; and (3) under no circumstances will entrant be permitted to obtain awards for, and entrant hereby waives all rights to claim, punitive, incidental, and consequential damages, and any other damages, other than for actual out-of-pocket expenses, and any and all rights to have damages multiplied or otherwise increased THE CALIFORNIA COURTS (STATE AND FEDERAL) SHALL HAVE SOLE JURISDICTION OF ANY CONTROVERSIES REGARDING THESE SWEEPSTAKES AND THE LAWS OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA SHALL GOVERN THESE SWEEPSTAKES. Each entrant waives any and all objections to jurisdiction and venue in those courts and hereby submits to the jurisdiction of those courts. If, for any reason, the Sweepstakes is not capable of running as originally planned, the Sponsor, at its sole discretion, reserves the right to cancel the Sweepstakes without liability. Void where prohibited or restricted by law.

SPONSOR:

This sweepstakes is sponsored by Red Tricycle, Inc.. Sponsor reserves the right to cancel the Sweepstakes at any time and substitute another promotion in its place.

REQUEST FOR WINNER’S NAME:

For the name of the winner (available after December 18th, 2014), send a self-addressed, stamped, envelope by December 25, 2014 to: 150 Gate Five Road Ste:203 Sausalito, CA 94965 to request  Winner’s name.

THE PROMOTION IS IN NO WAY SPONSORED, ENDORSED, ADMINISTERED BY, OR ASSOCIATED WITH, FACEBOOK.