ML Interest Tag: friend

34 Valentine’s Day Gifts for the Coolest Women in Your Life

by Kate Cartia

Whether she’s your best friend, favorite coworker, or sister, we have the best Valentine’s Day gifts for her

We’re all about using Valentine’s Day as an excuse to show our love to everyone in our lives (not just romantic partners). Sure, you don’t really need an actual excuse to do that, but it’s pretty fun when we get to celebrate anything with our favorite people. And the best part? Even if you don’t have a romantic partner, or you two choose not to do the February 14th thing, leaning into love, no matter where it is, helps us notice how much of it is in our lives. Win/win, right? Cupid’s birthday is just as important to the coolest women in your life, and we’ve got the Valentine’s Day gifts for her to show how much you care.

From your can’t-live-without coworker, your best friend in the world, the mom who always saves you a seat on the soccer practice sidelines, we found the perfect Valentine’s Day gifts for her. Trust us. We haven’t missed anything, and even gave each other a few of these goodies, ourselves. We couldn’t resist. Get ready to celebrate all the love.

Sugarfina Sweethearts Candy Tasting Kit

boxes of sugarfina candy on a valentine's day table
Anthropologie

A super giftable collection of the grown up versions of our favorite childhood candy: Ice Cream Cones, Baby Whales, Strawberry Shortbread Cookies, Pear Italian Ice.

Sugarfina Sweethearts Candy Tasting Kit ($22.00)—Buy Here!

Chiaroscuro Hammock Sling Bag Coral Red

red sling bag purse
Sabrina Zeng

We. Are. Drooling. Wear this gorgeous Italian leather bag round your waist, over one shoulder, or slung cross-body. Okay, honestly we might buy this one for ourselves, too. 

Chiaroscuro Hammock Sling Bag Coral Red ($350.00)—Buy Here!

Exclusive Tinybeans Wine Collection by Wine Insiders (1/2 Case)

three bottles of wine on a table decorated for valentine's day
Wine Insiders

Wine Insiders designed an exclusive collection, just for Tinybeans! This 6 bottle 1/2 case assortment includes an international collection of 3 reds, 1 white, 1 rosé, and 1 sparkling. Pick a selection of mixed options, or go for an all-red or all-white selection. It's the perfect addition to any Valentine's Day plans, and we've gotta say—we're feeling awfully loved with this one!

Exclusive Tinybeans Wine Collection by Wine Insiders 1/2 Case ($60.00)—Buy Here!

The Cheese Board Deck: 50 Cards For Styling Spreads, Savory, & Sweet

Anthropologie

Zero cooking skill required! This helpful deck gives you 50 gorgeous and creative ideas for serving food platters for any occasion.

The Cheese Board Deck: 50 Cards For Styling Spreads, Savory, & Sweet ($20.00)—Buy Here!

Diver Needlepoint Kit

needlepoint set featuring high diver
ban.do

Help your best friend ease anxiety and pick up a new skill with this adorable diver needlepoint! And don't worry. It comes with instructions.

Diver Needlepoint Kit ($62.00)—Buy Here!

Mexican Hot Chocolate

three burlap bags with mexican hot chocolate bars
Uncommon Goods

Not only is this Mexican hot chocolate delightfully decadent, but the presentation is lovely. These handmade chocolate discs are available in almond, vanilla, dark chocolate, or a combination of all three.

Mexican Hot Chocolate ($42.00+)—Buy Here!

Professionally Recorded Original Song from Songfinch

hands holding a digital song print with floral art
Songfinch

Songfinch is a guaranteed win and it's perfect for your bestie who has everything, or your impossible-to-shop-for sister.

It's a platform backed by Doja Cat & The Weeknd where you can commission original songs about you & yours created by independent, incredibly talented musicians (think Grammy credits and recent American Idol & The Voice stars). We're talking one-of-a-kind, radio quality songs based on your stories, memories, and ideas.

You can even add custom prints, video slideshows, and more keepsakes based on your song. This isn't just a gift; it's an experience. You can thank us later.

Professionally Recorded Original Song from Songfinch ($199.00)—Buy Here!

Duo Ring

gold intertwined ring
Mejuri

The Duo Ring is handcrafted in solid 14k gold and is so eye-catching! We're loving the combo of smooth and textured bands, linked and twisted together for a subtle statement you can wear alone or stacked.

Duo Ring ($298.00)—Buy Here!

Himalayan Pink Salt Exfoliating Soap

hand holding a stack of 3 pink bars of soap with suds
Avon

You're basically giving her a whole spa with this one! Himalayan Pink Salt is one of the purest salts on earth. It’s known for its soothing and healing effects and can help your skin retain moisture, plus it feels incredible as you use it—like a mini massage every single day.

Himalayan Pink Salt Exfoliating Soap ($8.00)—Buy Here!

Rhinestone Cowgirl Puzzle

puzzle featuring a cowgirl on a pink horse
Cross & Glory on Amazon

Well, if this puzzle isn't a framer, we don't know what is.

Rhinestone Cowgirl Puzzle ($19.95)—Buy Here!

Anima Mundai Rose Magic Kit | Heart Alchemy

set of rose-themed alternative beauty and health products
Anima Mundai

Anima Mundai crafts gorgeous, sustainable, and effective remedies grounded in ancient medicine practices. This stunning kit is perfect for the day of love and it includes a powerful mix of topical oils, their beloved Rose Powder, a gorgeous Rose Face Mask, and a Rose Quartz Gua Sha. It's beyond just a spa in a box; it's a whole retreat!

Anima Mundai Rose Magic Kit | Heart Alchemy ($146.00)—Buy Here!

LEGO Roses

LEGO on Amazon

The more artistic side of LEGO isn't just for kids, and these roses are such a cool decoration for a desk or bedside table!

LEGO Roses ($14.99)—Buy Here!

Canyon Coffee

four bags of coffee
Canyon Coffee

Canyon Coffee was founded in 2016 by a Los Angeles couple (Alley and Casey, if you were wondering), it's certified organic, free trade certified, and roasted right in L.A.

Canyon Coffee ($19.00)—Buy Here!

Zodiac Puterto Bracelet by ARTIZAN JOYERIA

silver chunky chain bracelet with gold zodiac charms
ARTIZAN JOYERIA

Who doesn't love to show off their zodiac sign? It's a can't-miss gift, especially when it comes in the form of this ultra-chic bracelet from celeb-loved jewelry brand ARTIZAN JOYERIA. It's available in all 12 zodiac signs and you can choose from gold or silver, too! If she's not into the stars, check out their ride-or-die guide.

Zodiac Puterto Bracelet by ARTIZAN JOYERIA ($70.00)—Buy Here!

Corkcicle 40oz Cruiser

3 multi-colored tumblers with handles
Corkcicle

These bright and fun tumblers keep 40oz of your favorite drink cold for up to 20 hours, and has an exclusive dual-function sip + straw spill-proof lid, a comfy soft-grip handle, and a stay-put silicone bottom to keep it upright no matter what. And they can be personalized, too!

Corkcicle 40oz Cruiser ($49.95)—Buy Here!

Gourmet S'more Speckled Marshmallows

gourmet marshmallows next to a row of marshmallow bags
Mojave Mallows

Ummm...what in the heavenly sweetness are these? Artisanal vanilla marshmallow swirled with chocolate chips and dusted with a finely ground graham cracker coating. Roast them. Snack them. And know that they're handcrafted in California, so you can feel extra fancy. 

Gourmet S'more Speckled Marshmallows ($12.99)—Buy Here!

Irving Vegan Convertible Clutch

woman in white top and black jeans wearing a light pink crossbody bag
Marcella NYC

We're pretty sure there isn't a hotter, sleeker convertible bag out there. With a magnetic closure and gold toned detailing, it can be worn around the waist as a beltbag, or as a classic crossbody purse. Remove her strap (which can be worn alone as a belt, too!) and Irving can be carried as a roomy clutch for easy day-to-night styling. She's four accessories in one. Your fashionista friend will swoon. Available in blush and black.

Irving Vegan Convertible Clutch ($175.00)—Buy Here!

Hot Sauce Notebook

yellow notebook with hot sauce print
Indigo

What can we say? We're feeling muy caliente this Valentine's Day.

Hot Sauce Notebook ($14.99)—Buy Here!

Slimpot Enamel Kettle

a red tea kettle
Boston General Store Purveyors

The Tsukiusagi-Jirushi Slimpot is iconic in Japan, thanks to the sleek design and enamelware construction that heats water without leaving a metallic aftertaste because gross. Available in several colors, this isn't just a kettle; it's a design statement.

Slimpot Enamel Kettle ($115.00)—Buy Here!

Badass Affirmation Cards

black box of affirmation cards
shoprotik on Amazon

Funny and empowering, these cards are perfect for the oh-so-cool woman in your life, because even the coolest among us need some motivation sometimes.

Badass Affirmation Cards ($11.99)—Buy Here!

The Matcha from Cap Beauty

small jar of matcha
Cap Beauty

What can't matcha do? Known to enhance mood and create a relaxed yet focused alertness, drinking matcha consistently improves everything from the appearance of your skin and hair to your hormonal health, cardiovascular system, and immune response. Drink it, bathe in it, or even whip it up into a paste for a face mask. It's a bestseller for a reason.

The Matcha from Cap Beauty ($38.00)—Buy Here!

Pickleball Paddle Snack Tray

Uncommon Goods

Chips and dip, veggies and dressing, whatever. Whether they're a pickleball enthusiast or not, this snack tray is so dang adorable, we're sure they'll love it. It even includes a pickleball-shaped bowl for dip! 

Pickleball Paddle Snack Tray ($32.00)—Buy Here!

Cornicello Jewelry Collection

woman wearing several gold necklaces
Arms of Eve

Symbolizing good luck and positivity, the Italian Cornicello horn is believed to protect its wearer and their loved ones. Earrings, necklaces, and carms are all available in either gold or red (or the ultra-cool combination pictured here!).

Cornicello Jewelry Collection ($44.00+)—Buy Here!

A Box of Friendship Fill-in-the-Blank Letters

box of friendship notes
Em & Friends on Amazon

We're all about the sentimental, and this set of 8 customizable letters your best friend can read at her leisure is the gift that keeps on giving. We're not crying. You're crying.

A Box of Friendship Fill-in-the-Blank Letters ($13.56)—Buy Here!

Mosser Glass Bathing Beauty Dish

four glass dishes in the shape of bathing beauties
Food52

Have you ever seen a dish like this? The candy colors are the cherry on top, and she looks beautiful by your tub, on your vanity, and in the kitchen.

Mosser Glass Bathing Beauty Dish ($40.00)—Buy Here!

Judgy Fish Sticker Book

display of fish sticker book with decorative fish bowl
Brass Monkey

We can't say this enough: adults like stickers, too. If they're sassy stickers, all the better. These vintage-y illustrated fish come complete with judgy comments and side eyes (and yes, fish do just naturally have eyes on their sides but stick with us). Our shopping editor keeps leaving these stickers around her house and her family is not amused. Highly recommend. 

Judgy Fish Sticker Book ($8.00)—Buy Here!

The Charms Beanie

MOTHER

Chic and fun and practical? This navy beanie from trendsetter MOTHER ticks all the boxes.

The Charms Beanie ($78.00)—Buy Here!

Wave Glass Pitcher

pink glass pitcher with wavy handle
MoMA Design Store

For the coolest women in your life who have everything, we're betting they don't also have the coolest, retro-inspired glass pitcher. Whether they display it or utilize it, you can't go wrong here. Also comes in yellow with a pink handle.

Wave Glass Pitcher ($195.00)—Buy Here!

Goddess Necklaces

readheaded woman wearing two stone necklaces
SoulKu

You are loved. You are cherished. You are brave. Each one of these goddess necklaces has their own message and coordinating gemstone with a dainty offset pearl.

Goddess Necklaces ($42.00)—Buy Here!

BOTANICA Zodiac Candle

BOTANICA

Everyone loves a zodiac gift, and these smell divine. Seriously, every single one of them. Plus, the fresh colors are oh-so-pretty!

BOTANICA Zodiac Candle ($32.00)—Buy Here!

BOTANICA Flameless Lighter

five multicolored flameless lighters
BOTANICA

Of course, you need a pretty sherbet-hued lighter for that zodiac candle, right?

BOTANICA Flameless Lighter ($32.00)—Buy Here!

Sugar & Spice Double-Sided Puzzle

a boxed puzzle surrounded by candy
Piecework

Of course, we only buy the cutest puzzles as gifts, and this double-sided one is drool-worthy.

Sugar & Spice Double-Sided Puzzle ($42.00)—Buy Here!

Personalized Leather Train Case

LEATHEROLOGY

'Scarlet' is a bold orange-red. Then add gorgeous leather. Top it off with puffy quilting-inspired personalization and this train case is the perfect gift. There's also a bunch of colors if Scarlet isn’t her style.

Personalized Leather Train Case ($200.00)—Buy Here!

Stay Classy Sassy and a Bit Bad Assy Notebook

pink notebook
Society6

Who among us doesn't need this reminder every time you use this handy notebook?

Stay Classy Sassy and a Bit Bad Assy Notebook ($23.00)—Buy Here!

Central Park West Eau de Parfum

star-shaped bottle of perfume with purple houndstooth print
Bond No. 9

We really can't explain the level of divine this scent reaches, but we'll try. Inspired by Central Park West in the spring, narcissus, ylang-ylang, black pepper, and musk blend together for an unmistakable scent that's sure to be her next signature.

Central Park West Eau de Parfum ($295.00)—Buy Here!

Laetitia Rouget Magic Box

shopbop

Made in Portugal and ready for anything you want to store and infuse with a little magic, this is such a charming ceramic piece.

Laetitia Rouget Magic Box ($165.00)—Buy Here!

Te Amo Heart Necklace

two gold best friend necklaces in a heart shape
Ten Wilde

This is the cooler, more grown-up version of the old school BFF necklaces. They're completely cute, totally adult-appropriate, and 10k gold, so you and your best friend will be able to wear them for so long.

Te Amo Heart Necklace ($165.00)—Buy Here!

Pink & Orange Striped Coupe Glasses Set

two coupe glasses with pink and brown striped stems
SSENSE

Set of two hand-blown borosilicate coupe glasses that make every cocktail and mocktail toast-worthy.

Pink & Orange Striped Coupe Glasses Set ($100.00)—Buy Here!

 

 

All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers.

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13 Things Successful Working Moms Give Up That You Should, Too

By Alice's Table

You don’t have to do it all. Not only is that okay, but it’s healthy

You’ve got a fridge papered with to-do lists and an epic bookmark backlog of work-life balance articles. But, let’s be real: Something’s gotta give. And first on the chopping block should be that tired old trope that you, working mom, can have it all. Ya can’t. But there’s no shame in accepting this. Because you can easily kill it at this mom life/work life thing by ditching unnecessary stressors. Think of it as Marie Kondo-ing your life. Here are 13 ideas about what working moms give up to help them stay sane.

1) Scratch-made meals. every. single. night. 

While family dinner is great for kids, and we’re all gaga over the idealized concept of the home-cooked meal, we’re all about the cheats. Consider a healthy meal-delivery service, buy a bag of pre-made pasta and stir in some veggies, or get your takeout on.

2) Chasing a perfect 50/50 family/work split. 

Some weeks your family will need more attention. And others, you’ve got to play it like Sandberg and lean in at work. The trick (basic but effective) is communication—tell your partner if they need to step up and be honest with your boss about your sick kiddo at home.

3) Work happy hours. 

Sure, you can go big at important events like holiday parties. But watching Ben from IT perfect his “Friends in Low Places” game at karaoke every Friday night isn’t going to make a difference come annual review time. Kick it at home with a glass of wine or some family-friendly mocktails instead.

4) Being a DIY goddess. 

Bakesale? Store-bought cookies. Party favors? Etsy. Done and done. And even Halloween costumes can be hacked: hot glue, not sewing; hitting the thrift store, not the craft store. (But if DIY is your thing? By all means, keep it up, Martha!) 

5) That social-media addiction.

mom on her phone
iStock

Life’s little moments don’t all need Facebook documentation, and studies show that scrolling through endless feeds of life presented as perfect (when it never is) leads to a major self-doubt spiral. Designate a time to catch up—say 9-9:30 p.m. And if you still find yourself scrolling during the day, try switching your phone’s color settings to grayscale, which makes it a lot less appealing, or take your social apps off of your home screens so they’re more tedious to find.

6) Making it to every practice and every rehearsal.

Be there for your kids when it matters—at the big game or on opening night. But it’s perfectly fine to tag-team chauffeur duty with a mom-friend. And if your pal is a SAHM who picks up your slack during the week, let her kids hang out at your place some weekends to give her a break.

7) Saying “yes” to every friend invite.

Real talk: Friend time is one of the first things to go when you have littles. And while losing your social life completely is a no-no—consider re-evaluating your friendships. Prioritize those who infuse you with energy and joy. And cut out anyone who leaves you drained.

8) Doing everything for your kids.

Little guys can be more self-sufficient than we give them credit for! Assign them basic tasks like folding towels or watering plants. And, as they get older, graduate them to making their own simple lunches, dusting, and dishwasher duty.

9) Giving up your house to your children (and their stuff).

Toy creep—it’s a problem. When kid stuff is strewn all over the place, it means more picking up for you and dad. Limit their toys to a single room. Or, at least, designate toy-free zones like your bedroom and the primary bath.

10) Overcommitting.

Three birthday parties in one weekend? Just no. Keeping up with the scheduling of parties and playdates is hard enough, let alone the driving, hosting, baking, and present-buying (not to mention the, ahem, cost). Declining some invites = less stress and more family time.

11) Getting up with your kids every night.

When they holler “Mommmm,” it’s A-OK if dad comes to the rescue. And while an every-other-night deal with the hubs might be unrealistic, prioritize who does the calming based on what you each have on tap the next day.

12) That idea of the “perfect” work persona.

While setting boundaries might seem scary, you’ll find that your coworkers will come to respect them—whether it’s no meetings after five or no emails on weekends. Consistency is key. And if you’re hourly, let it be known (politely) that your hours are firm, and no, you can’t cover for your slacker co-worker who’s MIA again. Standing your ground—while otherwise crushing it at your job—is one way to reshape the workplace for working moms.

13) Stalling on switching jobs.

Despite giving it your best shot, sometimes your company just isn’t (and will never be) parent-friendly. In this case, it’s time to bust out the ole resume and start your job hunt. And don’t feel bad about it! Put out feelers with working-mom friends because they’ll have your back. And for part-time work, do a little research. There are great companies out there (like us at Alice’s Table!) that let you make your own schedules, or that offer benefits packages even to part-time workers (Starbucks, Whole Foods, Home Depot).

And as for what you should never give up—ever? “Me” time (even if you’ve got to schedule it in), “us” time (even if it’s just Netflix and chill), and time to breathe. You’ve got this!

Alice's Table is a new woman-founded company that throws flower-arranging workshops and teaches women how to host classes themselves so they can launch a creative career or side gig that's fun, flexible, and rewarding.

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I Gave Everything I Had to My Kids—and It Was Too Much

By Tabitha Yates

“You can be an amazing mom, a great partner, a supportive sibling, a kind daughter, a competent coworker, a good friend, and an amazing individual”

I have spent my whole life setting myself on fire to keep everyone around me warm—sacrificing my time, emotional energy, and, quite often, my well-being and sanity for other people. It certainly wasn’t ingrained in me to do this just in motherhood. Oh no, it started far before children, when I was a kid myself. I learned to wipe my own tears, stuff down my feelings and do what was right for everyone… everyone but me.

Due to this self-sacrificing nature that my childhood demanded, I developed a trigger about taking time for myself away from my children. I was so determined not to make them put their needs aside like I had to do, that I didn’t take care of myself at all. Like seriously at all. I hated the term “self-care.” I couldn’t relate to moms who went out without their kids, literally ever. I had two pedicures in seven years, and my daughter was with me both times. I was so afraid of not being there for everyone and not taking care of my kids in the way they deserved that I held myself to an impossible standard—never allowing myself a break.

I was quite willing to happily sacrifice my last ounce of sanity and self to parenthood. Sure, I was burned out, but they were worth it, and I felt that was what I needed to do to be the best mother possible. I am sure I did a fabulous job taking care of my family, my kids, and my friends. But my skill set in no way involved how to take care of myself and my mental health. Not only did I not know how to set healthy boundaries, but also how not to feel bad about setting them.

What does this slow burn look like for me through the rest of adulthood? I spend all my time fixing people’s problems, absorbing the pain and anxiety of others, giving out advice, and competing for the title of “Most Dependable Human Being, Friend, Daughter, Wife, and Mother.” It means I put my needs on the back burner, thinking I’ll get back around to some form of self-care at some point. And guess what? It never happens. I have given up my health, my peace, my joy, my comfort, and even my safety to keep everyone around me happy.

Then finally, this past year, after a lifetime of pouring out all I had and everything I was, and after almost 10 years of mothering in the same way, I broke down. Not just an “I need a break” kind of meltdown but a complete and total realization that I had to change how I looked at everything to sustain being a good parent and person.

I realized having healthy boundaries doesn’t make me a bad person. I am now learning to listen to my gut when it tells me that I’ve had enough of something and that I need to take a break or step back. Continuing to be a good wife, daughter, sister, and friend can only happen if I give myself permission to help when I can and to stop when I can’t. It means I recognize that I can assist in others’ journeys without feeling like I have to do the work for them. I can care without carrying everyone else’s burdens.

I have always viewed sacrifice as the mother of all virtues, and listen, as a mom, I think most of the time it is a virtue. My kids are my No. 1 priority and I will never put myself before them, but I learned a very important thing about self-care in the last year. Taking care of yourself isn’t just saying “me first,” it’s also saying, “Hey! My health and my well-being matter as much as yours, and being the best mom that I can be requires some breaks and resets sometimes.”

You can be an amazing mom, a great partner, a supportive sibling, a kind daughter, a competent coworker, a good friend, and an amazing individual. You can give to others without it always being to your detriment. You can meet others’ needs without completely abandoning your own.

Taking care of yourself also means you want nothing more than to help your children chase their dreams while running right alongside them, chasing yours as well.

 

The Redeemed Mama is a writer who had had articles published by The Today Show, Love What Matters, The Mighty, Faithit, For Every Mom, The Creative Child Magazine and more. She has 3 beautiful kids and resides in Southern Arizona and loves writing about parenting, life and growth!

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6 Signs Your Kids Are Ready for a Sleepover (& 10 Things That’ll Make Them Feel Safe)

by Kaitlyn Kirby

Sleepovers can be scary for both kids and parents the first time. Our guide will help you get through the night

There comes a time when camping in the living room with Mom and Dad will no longer cut it. If that’s the case, your kids might be ready for their first sleepover. But, like any new milestone, you may worry if it’s the right time to send them to a slumber party. There are no hard and fast rules about the right age for sleepovers: some 6-year-olds might be ready to sleep away from home, and some 11-year-olds might not be. So parents need to assess each opportunity individually. Read on for six signs your kids may be ready for sleepovers or an epic slumber party and 10 things to say that’ll reassure them that everything will be A-OK once they get there.

1. They Know What to Expect

Your kid’s first sleepover is a fun rite of passage, but make sure she knows exactly what she’s getting into before she heads out the door. Go over specifics, like navigating the bedtime routine at someone else’s house, and answer all the questions, like whether or not she can still bring her favorite stuffed animal.

2. You’ve Tested It Out

If you’re not quite sure your child is ready for a full-fledged slumber party away from home, try it at your house first. This way, you can see if the kids tire of one another or begin to fight with one another. Also, you can opt to throw a “mock sleepover” with a movie, popcorn, and PJs, but call it quits just before bedtime. Then you’ll know you’ve worked your way up to the real deal, but everyone can go home and sleep in their beds!

Related: Why I’m Saying Yes To Sleepovers This Summer!

3. They’re OK without You

Have you ever had to spend the night away from your child? Perhaps they’ve had a babysitter walk them through brushing and bedtime or stayed with grandparents while you were out of town? If they are OK being away from you overnight, or at least until they fall asleep, they may be ready for their first sleepover.

4. You’ve Asked Questions

Perhaps your little one is thrilled about the pint-sized pajama game, but you’re still a little uneasy. There is nothing wrong with calling up the other parent and asking questions until you feel more comfortable. Everything from “What time will they go to bed?” to “Do you have pets?” are all fair game to calm your nerves. You’ll also want to address any concerns about how the parents handle situations like arguments or kids being scared at night. And don’t overlook the BIG question: are there guns in your house, and are they kept in a safe, secure place where the children (ANY children) will not have access to them? 

5. They’re Planning One

When your kids come home from school begging for a sleepover with their BFF, it’s a good indication that they’re ready to give it a go. On the flip side, if they seem cautious about the idea or worried about who will tuck them in, they may need more time to warm up to sleep away from home.

6. You’ve Talked to Your Kids About Inappropriate Touching

Part of feeling safe is being safe and making sure your children understand good etiquette at the host family’s house, but also what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior from the adults and older siblings. While we encourage our children to be polite and on their best behavior, it is equally important to speak frankly with children in a way that will empower them to say “no” and know when something just isn’t right.

tweens love sleepovers
iStock

Here are 10 statements you can make to help your little one feel secure at their first sleepover:

  • “You can call me to say goodnight before you go to bed.”
  • “I will pick you up first thing in the morning.”
  • “You can take a picture of us with you.”
  • “We are only a phone call away.”
  • “You will have so much fun with your friend and we’ll see you in the morning.”
  • “[Friend]’s parents will be there in case you need anything.”
  • “You can bring your pillow, blanket, and stuffed animal with you.”
  • “We’ll be home if you need us.”
  • “I’m so proud of you and I want you to have fun with [friend]!”
  • “I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get home.”

And if all does not go according to plan and you need to dash out to pick up your child early, a simple “maybe next time!” can help them to feel a little less embarrassed about feeling homesick. Happy slumbering!

 

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The Surprising Thing a Pixar Movie Taught Me about Raising a Teenager

By Jamie Edelbrock

One of my favorite Pixar movies is  “Up.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s a charming story about love, hardship, friendship, and adventure. The colorful scenes of floating houses, funny characters, and wild creatures keep the audience captivated until the sweet and unexpected ending.

One scene especially caught my attention early in the movie. It was when the two main characters, Carl and Russell, meet for the first time. Carl is a grumpy older man who lives alone in his house that wants to be left alone. Russell is an eager, optimistic young boy that wants to help Carl. Assisting Carl will help Russell earn the final badge on his sash to become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. In the scene, Russell knocks on Carl’s door repeatedly and relentlessly. This ends up really upsetting Carl, but Russell won’t give up until Carl is willing to accept his help.

I felt like I was watching a scene between my teenage daughter and me! However, in this case, the roles were reversed. My daughter was the grumpy one, and I was the one persistently offering help.

Let me explain. There was a time when my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. If you’re a parent of a teenager, you probably understand.

She would lock herself in her room, and the only time I saw her was when she was yelling at me or coming out to eat. Seeing a smile from her was rare, and every time I would hear her footsteps come down the hallway, I would be waiting with a hug and hoping for a smooth moment together. My hopes were usually dashed when instead of a hug, I was met with a glare. I felt helpless and rejected with every interaction.

It’s hard when a child that once attached to your hip is now hiding behind a slammed door.

In an article, Katie Malinski LCSW says, “Children who are acting in unloving ways are likely to themselves be feeling unloved, unwanted, not valuable, incapable, powerless, or hurt. The response those children need isn’t greater control or bigger punishments, they need understanding, compassion, and support for their growth. LOVE.” 

I wasn’t sure why she was acting the way she was, but I knew I wanted her to know I loved her unconditionally and that I would always be there for her.

Through the help of a parenting coach and a lot of research, I learned that her behavior had little to do with me, and it was most likely something she was going through. Dr. Cam Ph.D. is a popular Adolescent Psychologist and Family Success Coach. In one of her free resource guides, called 10 Secrets to Raising Teens she says, “It may be difficult to believe, but when your teen is giving you attitude, rolling her eyes at you, or asking you to drop her off a block away from her friend’s house, she still needs your support and approval more than ever.”

With that in mind, I decided not to take it personally, to put myself in her shoes, and to relentlessly pursue her.

I started putting encouraging notes on her bedroom door every morning. She tore them down. I would make her favorite foods and bring them to her room. I never got a thank you. I enlisted a trusted friend to drive her to her activities, so she had another adult to talk to. Sometimes she was silent. I always invited her to watch TV with me at the end of the day. She usually said no.

Like Russell in the movie “Up,” I often got a door slammed in my face, but much to my surprise, my relentless pursuit started to work. She eventually started coming out of her room and engaging with the family again. It took a while, but our relationship became even better than it was before her reclusive and grumpy behavior.

Now that we’re through that rough patch, I asked my daughter to help me understand what helped. This is what she told me.

1. Leaving notes on her door effectively spoke words of affirmation and love to her, which helped. According to her, it gave her space but also let her know I was there for her.

2. Having another trusted adult in my daughter’s life gave her space from me but gave her a safe person to talk to if she wanted to. My daughter felt safe enough to talk when she needed to.

3. When she did communicate with me, I would listen without judgment. According to her, this made her feel secure and comfortable.

4. She said by bringing food to her room instead of demanding, she come out of her room, it showed her that I respected her feelings. I met her where she was at instead of insisting on the opposite.

5. Inviting her on walks, to play family games, and watch TV, made her feel wanted even if she didn’t want to join.

Hearing these words from my daughter’s perspective made me feel like Russell did at the end of the movie.  During the heartwarming scene, Carl surprises Russell by showing up at the Wilderness Explorer ceremony and pinning Russell’s well-earned badge on his wilderness sash. The scene ends with a big hug and the two of them eating ice cream together. I know every parenting situation is not like the end of a Pixar movie, and I certainly haven’t earned any badges, but I do hope my story encourages you. If you’re experiencing similar issues, you’re not alone. I know how hard it is to raise a teenager. When your teenager is grumpy and wants to be left alone, be relentless and let your unconditional love shine through. The ending is worth it.

Related: Movies to See With Your Kids before They Turn 12

Jamie is married to her high school sweetheart and has three beautiful daughters. Through years of experience working with children, and raising her own, she knows how difficult parenting can be. She is an advocate for children's mental health and is best known for her creativity, optimism, and kind heart.

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75+ Ways to Be Kinder, Starting Now

by Amber Guetebier

Acts of kindness can be small gestures or big efforts, and they’re all important

Kids are naturally compassionate, so why not take a few minutes today (and every day) to foster that inherent kindness? From simple gestures like giving up your seat on the bus to giving your kids’ teacher a “just because” gift, we’ve found over 75 simple acts of kindness that’ll allow you and the kids to pay it forward.

1. Offer to pick up groceries for an at-risk or elderly neighbor.

2. Compliment a stranger.

3. Collect your child’s old books that they no longer read and donate them to a children’s center, shelter, or local library.

4. Pay the bridge toll of the person behind you.

5. Bring flowers to a coworker or friend.

6. Carry someone’s groceries to their car for them.

7. Send a friend a positive text.

8. Ask a stranger how they are feeling today, and actually listen to the answer.

9.  Bake cookies and deliver them to the local fire or police station.

10. Leave a big tip for a server or delivery person.

11. Make sandwiches and distribute them to the homeless in your neighborhood.

12. Help a senior cross the street.

13. Give up your seat on the bus.

14. Deliver a meal or a potted plant to a random neighbor.

15. Make a kindness calendar with the kids!

kids crafting
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Related: All the Ways Kindness Can Change Who a Kid Becomes

16. Donate dog or cat food to the local animal shelter (call to ask them what brands they need). Many shelters want and need old blankets and towels as well.

17. Send a postcard to someone you love, even if they live nearby (or in the same house!).

18. Make a donation of a birthday box to a local food shelter: include items like cake mixes, frosting, candles, balloons, and party hats.

19. If it’s a hot day, hand out cold bottles of water.

20. If it’s raining, share your umbrella for a few blocks.

21. Make kindness cards from drawings and paintings of kids’ art. Drop a few by the nearest senior center and ask if they can use them for anyone who needs a bit of cheer.

22. Pick up trash off the street.

23. Call an old friend or relative.

24. Thank a teacher.

25. Host a bake sale to end child hunger.

26. Spring for coffee and donuts for your co-workers.

27. Head to the park with some chalk and write sweet messages to the world.

28. Make a thank you card for the postal worker who delivers your mail.

29. Give thanks for everyday things, not just big acts or gifts. “Thank you for making me laugh today,” or “Thank you for helping me figure out that math problem,” or even simply, “Thank you for loving me.”

30. Smile at 10 people.

smiling is an act of kindness
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Related: Why Celebrating Differences & Teaching Kindness Hand-in-Hand Is So Important

31. Slip a note complimenting someone’s parking on the windshield of their car.

32. Distribute random hugs.

33. Buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you in line at the coffee shop.

34. Make a friendship bracelet and give it to a new friend.  

35. Compliment someone sitting near you.

36. Share your toys.

37. Leave your change in a vending machine after you buy something.

38. Paint a picture for a neighbor you don’t know that well.

39. Play with someone new on the playground today.

40. Call a friend or relative, and tell a joke.

41. Leave a positive note on a bulletin board.

42. Read a book with a child.

43. Rake leaves, shovel snow, or do a little yardwork/weeding for your neighbor.

44. Take out your neighbor’s trash for them.

45. Start a Little Free Library.

building a free little library is an act of kindness
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Related: 13 Fred Rogers Quotes about Kindness That We Need Now More Than Ever

46. Walk a neighbor’s dog.

47. Put a post-it note with a positive message like, “Today will be awesome” on a random door.

48. Offer to run an errand for someone.

49. Hide a few toys or Matchbox cars in the sand at the playground.

50. Leave a sweet note in your spouse or partner’s wallet.

51. Leave a dish of fresh water out for neighborhood dogs in front of your house or business.

52. Use sidewalk chalk to say hello to a neighbor.

53. Give your child’s teacher $5 toward classroom expenses or help to pay for a field trip.

54. Write a letter to the first person that pops into your mind (and don’t forget to send it!)

55. Help another kid with his homework.

56. Buy a spare umbrella and find someone who needs it.

57. Get some silly glasses and wear them until you make someone laugh.

58. Do something to make your hometown more awesome.

59. Let a stranger go ahead of you in line.

60. Look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment.

happy mom
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Related: How to Paint Rocks for Kindness & Where to Share Them

61. Consider the flash mob.

62. Do something nice for yourself.

63. Hold the door open for someone.

64. Add extra time to your meter for the next person.

65. Gather up gently used clothing and donate via ThredUp using their Donation Clean Out Kit.

66. Starting today, thank someone once a week for a year. You can send a thank-you via mail, email, text, phone, or in person. Make a little list of thank-yous and revisit them in 52 weeks.

67. Sit with someone new at lunch.

68. Ask a kid you don’t usually play with to play with you at recess.

69. Find a story or post you like, and let the writer know it meant something to you.

70. Be patient while waiting in line.

71. Leave a glowing review for a business or employee who helped you or your kids.

72. Give someone the benefit of the doubt.

73. Be a courteous and kind driver.

74. Be kind to urban animals and wildlife: do not chase pigeons or throw coins in a fountain where fish live.

75. Leave a note of kindness in the pocket of a coat in a clothing store, like “You look great in this!” or “You are more important than you could ever know.”

76. Order a new book from our list of diverse books for kids, and have it sent to a friend.

77. Send a friend or relative a sweet surprise from Sugarwish.

78. Wave hi to someone you don’t know!

79. Ask a friend if they need any help: could you walk their dog or drop off a book to read?

Want more? Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation’s idea page.

—with additional reporting by Taylor Clifton

 

 

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She’s Just Not That Into You: When Adult Friendships End

By Melanie Forstall

“She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

We’ve certainly been there. As a mother of two young children, I’ve unfortunately had both of them make this sad declaration. Relational aggression in young children is a real thing, and it happens far earlier than I was prepared for. It forced us to have discussions about complex feelings and emotions much earlier than anticipated. As an adult, though, this doesn’t really happen, right? That’s what I thought until it happened to me.

I have a long history of great relationships with women, yet when it comes to my current circle of friends, it’s relatively small. Which, for me, is perfectly fine. I would much rather have a few, strong friendships than a huge circle of people I don’t truly love being around. Friendships change, shrink and expand—I get that, but I wasn’t necessarily prepared for a friend to leave me.

As I look back at some of my relationships, I see that many were situational. We were friends because we worked together, had a class together, the list goes on. Situational friendships are like the seasons, they come and go, but they can be just as wonderful as life-long ones.

When I first started teaching, the greatest blessing, besides our amazing principal, was the women I worked with. This was a group of strong, kick-ass humans who persisted daily to get stuff done. We were faced with a number of challenges but consistently greeted each day with a passion and joy that permeated the school. We were smart, beautiful, hard-working, and clearly committed to our job and each other. While I’m no longer teaching there, I’m still very much in contact with many of these women. I could call any one of them tomorrow and pick up right where we left off. Some of us, 15 years later, still exchange Christmas cards.

My friendships now are different. They really are no longer situational, in large part because my life is relatively permanent. I’m not working my way through college and I’m (thankfully) no longer in graduate school. I’m firmly planted. So, it was my assumption that one friendship, in particular, was ef for the long haul as well.

We were friends. We lived close to each other so getting together was a regular occurrence. We talked and laughed through playdates with our kids that lasted for hours. It was easy, and I could tell her just about anything. She was the next person, after my husband, to know I was pregnant with my second child. She called me when there was an emergency with one of her children. She called me to share cupcakes. There were so many things that signaled friendship permanence—kids’ ages, school, church, proximity. It just made sense that we’d always be friends.

I realized one day, somewhat out of the blue, that the calls to chat and texts to set up playdates were totally lopsided. It stopped me in my tracks. When it came to flexing the friendship muscle, I was the one doing all the heavy lifting. I felt a flush of embarrassment. Was I the only one interested in keeping this friendship alive? Should I say something? I tried to assure myself that I was imagining it all, so instead of an awkward, dramatic confrontation, I pulled back. I intentionally pulled back for about a week to see what happened. Nothing. I swallowed hard.

Her birthday came along and even though we had not talked or texted for a few weeks, I knew it was her birthday. It’s one thing if I forget, but to knowingly ignore someone’s birthday is something I just can’t do, so I sent her a birthday text along with birthday cake and celebration emojis. I felt a pang of embarrassment but knew it was the right thing to do. After that, the friendship went completely dark.

I spent some time during the weeks after rummaging through my memories trying to figure out what had happened. Was it something I did? Something I said? Was I not enough for her? Was I too much for her? The truth is, I will never know and thankfully I’m in a place now where I really don’t want to know. I don’t want to unearth something that I likely can’t do anything to fix, repair, or remedy. It’s over, and I have to be okay with that.

I know that I will never be everything to anyone and that may mean people will leave me. I guess I’d rather have a painful breakup than stay in a friendship that isn’t healthy. Especially if the other person doesn’t want to be friends anymore. If ending the friendship was best for her, then honestly, I am happy for her.

The thing is, though, when we were friends, we talked about exactly that. Doing what’s best for yourself no matter what. She was often stuck in situations she was unable to get out of because of the fear of upsetting those around her. I often encouraged her not to worry about what other people thought. “Do what’s best for you and your family. Even if other people don’t like it.”

So, maybe I should have seen this coming? Well, maybe not. Friendships come in and out of our lives for seasons and sometimes for reasons. While I enjoyed this friendship for the season, all I can hope for is that it existed for a reason.

Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.

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Mystery Road Trips Are Perfect for All Kinds of Families—Even Yours

By Joan Lowell

Who doesn’t love a surprise? Good ones, I mean. Kids love fun surprises and our family has a great tradition I want to share with you. We call them Mystery Rides. Adults, sometimes with the help of older kids, plan a fun place to take the kids. The mystery? Don’t tell the kids where they are going.

Make it a Mystery Ride!

Our family can thank my dad’s sister, Barbara, for all of it. She has been taking individual members of the family for Mystery Rides for as long as I can remember. In fact, one time, she took the entire family, which filled a large school bus, for a hike and picnic. My kids have great memories of family time thanks to those rides.

Our rides have rules, well, guidelines. It makes for more fun, engages the entire family, makes the best memories, encourages thinking and even builds a sense of direction. I could go on about all the life skills or educational benefits, but I will get on with the rules (no electronics is a must). Here are the basics. The rest is up to you and your imagination.

Choose kid-friendly locations.
Nobody thinks a ride to get the oil changed is fun. Rides to do everyday errands are not good mysteries. Think zoo, park, trip to Grandma’s house (if that would be a big deal). I will share some of our faves later.

Choose free or low-cost venues. 
You will be surprised at what you can find within driving distance that costs little or nothing. Not everything is free, but look for coupons or discounts, check online for specials or family events. You don’t always have to go free, but if you’re like me and have literally half a dozen kids, you’re frugal.

Choose locations that build on your kids’ interests and hobbies.
Then choose ones that none of you would ever do. Enrich when possible, then think outside the box and try something totally out of your comfort zone. Auntie Barbara once took my Gram to see cellist Yo-Yo Ma, and if you knew my Gram, that was outside the box! Inspiration could strike anytime, any place.

Kids can ask questions to get hints during the ride.
But our family only allows yes-no questions, so parents give tiny bits of information. Here are some examples: Have we been here before? Is it a public place? Is it a private home? Will we look at objects or people? Will we touch or make something? Kids, even the youngest ones, can get really creative with their thinking and questioning.

Hints may come before leaving home.
depending on your destination, it might come in the form of telling kids what to wear. For example, if you’re going to a park to hike and have a picnic, kids need to wear proper footwear and you might need to pack food. Here is where you make use of your spouse, a discreet older sibling, or another adult helper.

Bring a friend or another whole family.
The more the merrier, really! If you have room in your car, take a friend along. If not, invite the entire family to join in the fun in their own car!

Don’t give it away.
The idea of the mystery ride is, you guessed it, a mystery. It is to build suspense and engage the family in a common task. As the kids ask questions and you answer, one might actually guess your destination. As much as possible, don’t show it, unless you’ve arrived, or you are prepared to give instructions on what to expect and so on.

Obviously, some Mystery Rides work out better than others. If you repeat a ride, that can flop, unless they love it. If you can afford it, make one a family vacation or even a short weekend away. That would be cool, but most of ours are day trips to places we haven’t been before.

Local fairs, seasonal events and places where kids can touch and do are more successful than places kids just watch a show of some sort, at least in my experience. Overall, food destinations have been duds for us, but every family is different. That is the beauty of the Mystery Ride.

Here are my kids’ top few favorite destinations over the years:

  • Local school playground near our house (not their school)
  • Roger Williams Park Zoo (you can feed giraffes or sea lions!)
  • Paint Night (where an instructor does one and you each do your own)
  • Hiking at cliffs nearby our home

Can’t wait for you to try it out with your crew.

Go Au Pair representative, cultural childcare advocate, Mom to six great kids, I earned my BS at RI College and MEd at Providence College. My hats: educator, tutor and writer of local blog for Go Au Pair families and Au Pairs. Baking, gardening, reading and relaxing on the porch are hobbies.

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To the Mother of a Child with a Disability This Mother’s Day

By Lauren Emmett

I am thinking about you today.

I want you to know that everything you do matters.

When you crawl into bed at night, aching from your temples to your toes, know that you have done enough. There may have been no progress made with toileting, feeding therapy or communication today and that is okay.

Your child is safe and so loved.

The weight of hectic schedules, parent trainings, OT, PT and visits with every other MD in-between can feel suffocating.

The research, the meltdowns, the battles over chicken nugget brands and clothing choices, all can withdraw every ounce of patience from your soul.

The smeared feces, the eloping, the pica and other behaviors you watched your friend’s toddlers outgrow. Years later, they remain in your child.

Most days are exhausting and thankless and I want you to know that your child appreciates you, they need you, and they love you beyond measure.

You need to know that.

Your child may not be able to express this, some of you may have never even heard your child call you “Mom.”

But they know you are Mom.

Your child is so grateful for all that you do and would be lost without you. Just as you would be lost without your sweet child.

I want you to know that you are not alone.

When your patience has been depleted.

When you’ve cried behind your sunglasses at a park as you watched your child’s differences come to light.

The loneliness you have felt from the long days spent with a child unable to read your emotions.

The difficult medical and educational decisions you struggle to make.

Know that there are so many of us with you.

We have felt the lows and celebrated the victories, too. We know the fear and the worry you wrestle with daily, and the immense pride you feel over the slightest progress.

I want you to find hope.

Today let’s bask in achievements and forget about regressions.

Even if only for one day.

Let your hope be stronger than your fears. With so many unknowns in the future, know that it’s going to get better.

I know this because we will grow stronger.

We will continue to learn, to advocate, to protect and make certain our children know their worth and just how very much they are loved.

I am so thankful for this sisterhood of amazing mothers today and every day.

Have a very Happy Mother’s Day.

This post originally appeared on Wilsonsclimb.com.

Lauren is a proud mom of two adorable kids, her son Wilson and daughter Charlie. She is constantly learning from her children and loves to share their adventures from the world of autism on wilsonsclimb.com.  Lauren shares her son's journey as one small piece in helping to spread autism awareness around the world.  

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Photographer Transforms Newborns into the Cast of “Friends” & Could It BE Any Cuter?

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Colorado photographer, Mandy Penn wanted to put a smile on everyone’s face during the pandemic. Penn, who is a huge Friends fan, wanted to incorporate her favorite show into one of her photo shoots. She put out a casting call and the rest is pure magic. 

The idea first came to her when her friend was pregnant with twin girls. Penn said, “Since I was just starting to do newborns I ran the idea of a Friends themed photo shoot for her girls past her.” Once she got her friend on board Penn ran with the idea, searching for props and a couch. When all she could find was a $200 couch she called up her good friend who offered to make the couch for her from scratch. Next, she needed to find the props, from a foosball table to a lobster to a turkey hat. She even included a smelly cat. Penn didn’t leave out one detail.

Chandler

Friends Photshoot

Monica

Friends Photshoot

Ross

Friends Photshoot

Rachel

Friends Photshoot

Joey

Friends Photshoot

Phoebe

Friends Photshoot

Penn waited until her friend delivered her twins and scheduled the shoot for when the babies were 11 days old. Penn put out a model call for three boys and one girl between the ages of 5 to 14 days old. Soon, she had the gang assembled.

Friends Photshoot

Friends Photshoot

Friends Photshoot

According to Penn, the babies did great with the shoot. Could they be any cuter?

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Mandy Penn Photography

 

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