Every child’s bookshelf (and every U.S. library) should have a book collection that represents the beauty and diversity of the United States.

Celebrating Native American culture has frequently been overlooked in children’s literature—especially stories that are told from an indigenous point of view. The good news is, that’s been changing over the last few years and today we find more Native American artists able to tell the stories they want to tell. From board books for babies to chapter books, these Native American children’s books tell new tales, reimagine traditional stories, and honor the modern presence and importance of our nation’s first peoples. Be sure to share these 14 indigenous heroes with your kids in honor of Indigenous Peoples Day, too.

My Heart Fills with Happiness

Reflect on the joy of little things, like holding hands, drumming, and the smell of warm bannock baking in the oven as you turn the pages of this brightly illustrated board book with your child. A gorgeous vehicle for an oft-needed reminder! Written by international speaker and award-winning author Monique Gray Smith who wrote this book to support the wellness of Indigenous children and families, it is also available in French, Spanish, Ojibwe, and Cree. Illustrated by celebrated artist Julie Flett. Ages: 0-2

Buy a copy here, $13

Sweetest Kulu

Lull your Little into dreamland with Celina Kalluk’s sweet sleepy-time poem that celebrates Inuit baby Kulu’s arrival. And what a guest list it was! The Smiling Sun, Wise Wind, and Snow Bunting are just a few who arrive on the scene in this board book,  ready to bestow gifts and well wishes on this precious newborn. Illustrated by Alexandria Neonakis. Ages: 0-2

Buy yours now, $10

The Good Luck Cat

Have you ever met a cat that gives you good luck when you pet it? Woogie is that type of cat until the good luck runs out. This modern Native American story is written by Joy Harjom, a member of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation.

Buy yours now, $11

We Are Water Protectors

we are the water protectors is a native american children's book

Winner of the 2021 Caldecott Medal and a #1 New York Times Bestseller, this powerful story is a call to arms to protect the Earth, the plants, the trees, the rivers, and the water from pollution and—more specifically—the Black Snake. The Black Snake, the pipeline, is a danger to the lifeblood of the Earth. It will poison the water and all of its creatures. Learn how to be a water protector with a glossary of terms and more info, followed by the powerful pledge: take it with your children—to be a steward of the Earth and its creatures and a protector of water.

The publisher even offers an online activity kit for children and classrooms.  Written by Anishinabe/Métis author and member of the Turtle Mountain Band of Ojibwe Indians, Carole Lindstrom with illustrations by Caldecott-medal-winning illustrator Michaela Goade, from the Raven moiety and Kiks.ádi Clan from Sitka, Alaska. Ages: 3-6 but frankly, we think everyone should take this pledge. 

Get your copy today, $13

Related: 14 Indigenous Heroes Every Kid Should Know By Name 

Bowwow Powwow

Bowwow Powwow is a Native American children's book

Told in both English and Ojibwe, the story of Windy Girl and her dog, Itchy Boy who love the stories of Uncle about the gatherings from his boyhood, and how Windy Girl and Itchy Boy love to attend the pow wow too. She loves the food, the dance, and the long nights of laughter. One night, Windy dreams about a very special powwow—with the elders, warriors, the many dancers...when she wakes she begins to understand that the powwow is both old and new, past and present, always moving, like the dancers. Written by Brenda Child, with the Ojibwe translation by Gordon Jourdain and illustrations by Jonathan Thunder. Ages: 3-7

Find a copy here, $18

Shaped By Her Hands: Potter Maria Martinez

Shaped By Her Hands is a native american children's book

This is the story of one of the greatest potters of all time—a Tewa woman who used her talents and traditions to create pottery that has become world-renowned. Born around 1887, in San Ildefonso Pueblo, near Santa Fe, New Mexico, Maria loved to play with clay, gathered from the Rio Grande. By observing the traditions of the potters around her in the Tewa Pueblo, Maria’s heavy interest is fostered by her Aunt Nicolasa, who begins to show Maria the methods and traditions of Tewa pottery: mixing the clay, coiling it, baking it, and always thanking Mother Earth for the gift of the clay.

As her interests grew, so did her reputation as one of the finest young potters around, and she even discovers a new firing method that is now legendary. Written by clay artist Anna Harber Freeman and illustrated by artist Aphelandra who captures the landscape of the Southwest in vibrant images reminiscent of the pottery itself. A true celebration of indigenous and women’s history. Ages: 4-9

Get a copy now, $17

Fry Bread: A Native American Family Story 

Fry Bread: A Native American Family Story 

Winner of the 2020 Robert F. Sibert Informational Book Medal and a 2020 American Indian Youth Literature Picture Book Honor Winner, this book lyrically tells the story of making fry bread—from ingredients to mealtime—as a sensory experience, weaving together the importance of the smells, sounds, and moments that fry bread represents.

Fry bread is nation. It is shared by many, from coast to coast and beyond.”

Sweet and powerful all at once, this simple bread is a poetic testimony to the strength of culture, survival, and nourishment. Written by Kevin Noble Millard, a member of the Seminole Nation, Mekusukey band, and illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal. Ages: 3-6

Get a copy today, $12

Be Brave, Be Brave, Be Brave

Author F. Anthony Falcon had these thoughts when he first held his son: "Be brave, be brave, be brave." He and his wife were in the middle of Hurricane Harvey's landfall in Corpus Cristi Texas when she went into labor. This book, a meditation on what it means to be brave, is also the author's reconnection with his Lakota roots. It is both the story of little Lakota's perilous arrival into the world as it is about Falcon describing what it is to be a Native American man today. Beautifully illustrated by Trisha Mason. Ages: 3-7

Get your copy today here, $18

Hungry Johnny

Written by Cheryl Kay Minnema and illustrated by Welsey Ballinger, both members of the Mille Lacs Band, you'll love this story about a little guy everyone calls Hungry Johnny. And you guessed it, he loves to eat! Wild rice, fruit salad, sweet rolls—he looks forward to eating it all. After the food is prepared, Johnny and his family make their way to the community center, where he eagerly awaits the feast. But first, there’s the Ojibwe prayer. And next, the elders eat first. Johnny learns patience and respect as he awaits his turn at the table. (Spoiler alert: there’s plenty left for Johnny!). Ages: 3-7

Get your copy here, $18

Related: 30 Kids’ Books That Feature Diverse Characters

Crazy Horse's Vision

Crazy Horse's Vision is a Native American children's book

You may know the name Crazy Horse, the legendary Lakota warrior and chief, but do you know how he got this name? Or what he was like as a little boy? His nickname was Curly, because of his curly hair, and he once bravely rode a wild horse his father brought home. Though Curly’s childhood is good, it doesn’t take long before the white settlers and soldiers begin to take Lakota land.

When white soldiers mortally wound  Chief Conquering Bear, Curly bears witness to this attack. Fearful of the future for his people, he breaks from tradition and leaves to seek a vision: he sees a rider on the back of his own horse, floating above the ground. And this rider went through a storm of bullets and hail, nothing touched him. This is the Lakota story of how Crazy Horse got his name and used his vision to lead his people. Co-authored by award-winning Abenaki children’s book author, poet, novelist, and storyteller Joseph Bruchac and illustrated by Lakota artist S.D. Nelson. Ages: 6-9

Find your copy today, $12

Crossing Bok Chitto: A Choctaw Tale of Friendship & Freedom

First published in 2008, Crossing Bok Chitto received starred reviews and numerous awards, including being named ALA Notable Children’s Book and winning a Jane Addams Honor Book award. An original story about the intersection of Native and African Americans received starred tells the story of a young Choctaw girl who crosses the Bock Chittor River in Mississippi and helps a young enslaved person and his family escape slavery via the river. Choctaw storyteller Tim Tingle’s artful words are accompanied by Jeanne Rorex Bridges’ art. Ages: 7-13

Get a copy here, $9

Race to the Sun

Race to the Sun is a Native American children's book

One of the newest books in the “Rick Riordan Presents” series (which graced us with such home runs as Tristan Strong and Aru Shah) Nebula- and Hugo-award winning, Indigenous/Black author Rebecca Roanhorse brings the epic adventures of a young Navajo girl, Nizhoni Begay, who turns out to be a monster slayer. Learn about famous heroes and monsters of the Navajo as your route for Nizhoni, her twin brother Mac, and her best friend Davery, in this page-turning novel for middle-grade readers that does not disappoint. Ages: 8-12

Get your copy right this second,$8

How I Became a Ghost—A Choctaw Trail of Tears Story (Book 1)

how I became a ghost is a native american children's book

This is the story of a tribe’s removal from the only land they’d ever known and subsequent journey to Oklahoma along what is known as The Trail of Tears, told from the point of view of the ghost of a Choctaw boy. At first, we learn about Isaac, who is 10, and his life among the Choctaw. Soon, however, tragedy comes, and Isaac, as was true of so many children who were forced to walk it, does not survive the Trail of Tears. Perhaps for the first time, the travesty of the Trail of Tears and removal of the Choctaw is told in print for children from a uniquely Choctaw perspective—it is both heartwrenching and utterly necessary.

And yet, it is a story of resilience and innocence respite with lovable characters, including a five-year-old ghost and a talking dog, as Isaac has the ability to help those left behind. Written by Tim Tingle, an Oklahoma Choctaw and an award-winning author and storyteller, whose great-great-grandfather, John Carnes, walked the Trail of Tears in 1835. Ages: 9-12 

Get yours here, $9

 

 

Ahhhh….summer.  It sounds amazing.

Lots of time outside; the kids all splashing happily in whatever water-filled container you have.

Lots of unscheduled time, with no particular places to be or things to do.

Your kids get to just be kids for a while.

But here’s what’s also part of summer:

The crying and whining.

The endless repetitions of “I’m booooooored…” interspersed with refusals to help around the house.

And your triggered feelings.

What Happens When You Have a Big Reaction to Your Kid’s Feelings

When your kids don’t cooperate (which happens a lot when you’re together a lot), you probably go into one of four ‘modes’:

1. Fight Mode: You get combative! Your child might as well be an attacking bear that you’re fighting for your life. You will dominate them…through words (you can probably out-logic them), through your physical presence (towering over them) and/or through swatting or spanking them.

2. Flight Mode: You’ve got to get out of here! Your child might as well be an attacking bear that you’re running away from, and quickly. You check out mentally, or you physically leave the room—and when your child follows you it makes everything ten times worse.

3. Freeze Mode: The bear’s attacking, and you can’t figure out what to do. You’re mentally and physically frozen: should you counterattack? Should you run and hide? It is simply not possible for you to make a decision—about anything—at this moment.

4. Fawn Mode: Most common among people who have experienced abuse, this involves getting the difficult behavior to stop at all costs. You placate the child; reassure them; say they can have the thing they want…anything to make the crying/screaming/whining stop.

It doesn’t seem like any of these things should be part of any parent’s summer plans…and yet, here they are.

Summer isn’t over yet.

Are you gonna make it?

Here are 5 tips to help you not just survive but actually enjoy the time you’re spending with your kids this summer:

1. Don’t Multitask.
Whenever your attention is split, there’s a good chance you’re going to get frustrated. Have designated times to play with your kids—and put the phone away. Focus on nothing but being with them. At other times, tell them you’re not available now but you will be in 30 minutes/after lunch/when the timer goes off.

2. Slow Down & Simplify.
Do you need to go to every birthday party? Must you take something homemade to every gathering, or would a bowl of cherries be just as welcome?  Could you eat take-out one more night a week, or cook twice as much on the nights you do cook, and eat leftovers every other night? Can you plan just a little further ahead so you don’t have to go shopping as often? The more you can slow down and simplify, the less overall stress you’ll feel, which will leave more gas in the tank to deal with the children’s meltdowns.

3. Be Realistic about What Your Child Can Do. 
We hear a lot about having ‘developmentally appropriate’ expectations, but many parents expect their children to be able to do way more than they really can.  A survey by respected organization Zero to Three found that over half of parents think that children under three can reliably resist the desire to do something forbidden when actually this starts to develop between ages 3.5-4. And 42% of parents think that children should be able to control their emotions—like not having a tantrum when they’re frustrated—by age 2 when again this develops between the ages of 3.4-4. If you’re expecting too much too soon, you’ll get frustrated when they can’t meet your expectations.

4. Embrace the Drop-off (Outdoor) Playdate.
If you have any access to the outdoors, and there are other families in your ‘pod,’ take turns hosting outdoor playdates. If you have a garden, the other child could bring a lunch and then you just turf them outdoors for the day—they can collect rocks, make ‘houses’ for imaginary friends; build things out of cardboard…Even traditionally indoor-based toys like LEGO and Magnatiles that they’re bored with using indoors can be fun again outdoors. Chances are having another child around will actually keep yours occupied for longer…and then your child goes to the friend’s house another time, giving you several hours off. Even if you go to the playground or park instead of your house, you could work for the life of your laptop battery, or hang out with a book. Win-win!

5. Pay Attention to What’s Going on in Your Body.  
In our culture, we have an idea that everything worth paying attention to happens in our brains. But very often our bodies tell us when something’s up—like when we’re getting resentful because our child has been asking us to do things for them all day. We might feel a tightness in our shoulders, heat across our chest, nausea, or a headache long before we yell at our child, walk away from them, freeze, or fawn. We can learn to pay attention to these signals and act on them early in the day rather than letting the frustration build until we explode.

Navigating kids’ big feelings is challenging for every parent. It can be doubly challenging when you can’t stay calm in these moments, perhaps partly because you are remembering difficult events from your childhood. But just because you’ve responded with frustration up to now doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. You might think that your child needs to change their behavior but none of the ideas here involve doing that. When you change the way you show up with them, they most likely won’t do as much of the behavior you find so difficult.

And so you will make it through the summer.

RELATED STORIES
How a Summertime Routine Will Benefit Your Kids
Here’s Why Your Kids Don’t Need an Amazing Summer
Ditching That Summer Reading List Is Actually a Fantastic Idea

Jen Lumanlan fills the gaps in her parenting intuition through research, via a Master’s in Psychology (Child Development) and another in Education.  Her podcast, Your Parenting Mojo, provides rigorous yet accessible information on parenting and child development to help parents tame the overwhelm and raise resilient, thriving children.

It’s tough enough for a grown-up to process tragedy; young children often have an even harder time when it comes to understanding and dealing with traumatic experiences. And that’s where Sesame Street is stepping in. The beloved children’s show has a video series that’s aimed at helping kids cope with trauma.

The free online resources include videos, books, activities and games that are available in both English and Spanish. The Sesame Street materials don’t just help kids to deal with major worldwide or newsworthy trauma, they also help them cope with experiences that are personally traumatic.

Feelings aren’t exactly easy for a young child to understand. And when stress and anxiety take over, they aren’t always equipped to handle what’s going on inside. This series provides ways to calm down, handle frustration and learn how to feel safe when things get scary.

The videos are made for little ones to watch with their parent or caregiver. Not only can kids get an education in handling heavy feelings, but (by watching the materials with a caring adult) they can also build relationships. This adds to the nurturing effect of the videos and can help kids feel safe and secure.

Originally published Oct 2017.

Parenting is hard. You’re responsible for a little (or not so little) person and making all the right decisions. But what happens when you don’t know what the right decision is?

Decision-making, especially in an emotionally charged situation, is exhausting. What if an easy way to make decisions existed? Having made thousands of extraordinarily difficult decisions in my senior leadership career and as a father of four, I’ve figured out a relatively simple method to make decisions I can live with and be proud of that many successful leaders use. It’s perfect for parents, too, because parents are the leaders of their family.

1. Write the Problem Down
Focus on the issue, not your emotions. The brain tends to mix up logic processes when dealing with complex or emotionally charged decisions. Writing the problem down forces us to turn an abstract thought into a concrete statement, idea or question. In that process, we can more precisely frame the problem and, ultimately, downsize it from a larger-than-life issue to one we can work through.

For example, if you’re a parent with school-aged kids battling what to do about your child’s education due to the risks and restrictions of COVID-19, these thoughts might be going through your head:

  • In-person/online/homeschool
  • Will kids/adults wear masks?
  • Fear of getting sick
  • Uncertainty of the future
  • Sadness over lack of control
  • Will kids fall behind academically?
  • Guilt we just want things to be normal
  • Frustration with lack of work time

All the competing emotions make the decision-making process difficult.

However, when you write the problem you’re facing in one or two sentences, it may actually look like this:

We want our kids to safely get the best education possible while allowing us to work. What can we reasonably do to make that happen?

Writing the true essence of your problem down helps you focus on the most important part.

Which of those two “problems” looks more approachable? You can spend your time dealing with emotions, fears and unknowns or you can focus on the positive and productive opportunities.

Now that we have a more approachable problem, how do we decide what to do about getting our kids the best education possible? Do we make a pro-and-con list? What if they come out even?

2. Discuss the Problem with Others You Trust
The more people there are to talk about a problem, the more potential solutions there will be. Teams almost always come up with better solutions than individuals. Even though we can be sidetracked, if we don’t share our problems, we often miss other perspectives, relevant data and variables we may not have considered that can help us find solutions or flaws in our assumptions and general approach.

When it comes to our children, there’s nothing new. Someone out there has had a similar problem, so tap into the wisdom of extended family and friends.

Nearly every parent out there is processing what to do about school. Ask trusted friends what they’re thinking. Join a Facebook group, and search to see what other people are discussing. When evaluating education options and risks from COVID-19, share your concerns with your child’s teacher. See if their plans for the school year help guide your thought process.

3. Get Active to Reflect
It’s hard to focus and think about an issue logically when our conscious mind is easily overcome by emotions and daily distractions. When we do a physical task, our subconscious mind can work, which makes decision-making easier. Ask yourself a simple question about the problem when starting the activity.

In our example about school, the simple question is not, “How can I not worry about sending my kids to school?” or “How will I work if they’re home with me.” The right simple question is a positive one: “What can I do to make sure my kids get the best education right now?”

When you do this, physical movement is key. No scrolling social media! Relax by doing something that doesn’t require much thought but has you moving. Almost always, after the activity, your mind will deliver the right answer. Here are a few things you can do:

  • Shower
  • Walk or run
  • Long bicycle ride
  • Swim

Physical exercise helps quiet your brain. It allows you to focus on your movements, not your thoughts.

Another great approach to relaxing the conscious brain is sleeping. Just before putting your head on the pillow, ask yourself the simple positive question. In the morning, the solution is ready. I’ve found that having paper and pencil by the bed helps, particularly when you want to remember something as you wake up.

4. Take Action
Problems can appear larger than life, causing us to struggle with how to move forward. When you write it down, discuss it and reflect on it, solutions always become evident. They may not be what you expected, but solutions will appear. Then you can look at your options and see which one you are most comfortable with. Once your decision is made, the path forward will be clear, even if it’s not an easy one.

Solutions provide the path and the plan.

Though we may struggle with the murky future of public education, nothing is permanent. You can reassess in a few months and make a different decision if necessary. Do the best you can with the information you have. In this unprecedented set of circumstances, there is no one right answer.

Easy Decision-Making Strategy

  1. Write the problem down
  2. Discuss the problem with others
  3. Get active to reflect
  4. Take action

Every one of us has faced issues where it seemed impossible to make a decision. It’s absolutely exhausting to continually replay all the worries in your mind. But when you use these four steps, you’ll have the ability to make a decision even in the toughest of circumstances and enjoy the rewards or manage the fallout. That’s what made my career so successful and makes life as a father so rewarding. The state of being “undecided” is way worse than choosing to move forward one way or another.

Rick Stephens

After a 33-year career, concluding as Boeing’s global leader of HR and Administration, Rick Stephens, father and grandfather, co-founded Raising Families with his wife. Together, they use their knowledge, insight and experience to support parents in becoming joyful, confident and intentional family leaders so they can raise engaging, successful children. 

My 6-year-old was excited to make a star out of sticks and string, but as the materials tangled, his frustration spiked. So we took a break and went on a walk together.

“Do you remember when you were learning how to ride a bike?” I said. “You fell down a lot at first, and you got really frustrated sometimes, but you didn’t give up. Now you ride around like a pro. Everything new takes practice, but you always figure it out.”

Childhood is all about growing, on the outside and inside. Tasks adults take for granted—like buttoning a jacket—require practice to master. Every time our kids work through these big and small challenges, they are building their skills for resilience and perseverance. These aren’t fixed traits that kids are born with. Rather, they develop slowly through life experience, practice, and with the support of caring adults.

Donkey Hodie,” a new puppet series from PBS KIDS, draws its inspiration from Fred Rogers and his mission to help young viewers navigate the challenges of childhood. In each episode, characters set goals, encounter obstacles, explore and test solutions, experience failure, and persist toward their goal, asking for help as needed. While the show is set in the whimsical land of Someplace Else, it models a problem-solving process that kids and parents will readily recognize.

Here are 4 ways parents and caregivers can support this vital effort to help kids build perseverance and resilience.

1. Help Children Name Their Goals
Goals are powerful, even for kids. They want to learn how to tie their shoes, shoot a basket, buckle their seatbelt, write their name, cut with scissors, walk the dog, learn a new game, make a new friend, name all the dinosaurs, build a tower, and find ways to be helpful, and become contributing members of their families and classrooms.

When children can name a small goal they want to accomplish, it can help them focus their attention, explore strategies, and persist when things go wrong. And it helps us, as caregivers, celebrate their successes. “You did it! You learned how to zip up your coat all by yourself!”

2. Help Children Work through Tough Emotions
Sometimes, learning and growing can be really frustrating. A little empathy can go a long way in helping kids find the strength to try, try again. Try a simple phrase like this: “You spent a long time building that tower and then it fell. That’s super frustrating!”

Calming big emotions is a vital step that comes before problem-solving. In the story “Royal Sandcastle Builders,” Donkey, King Friday, and Purple Panda sing about the different ways they practiced calming down after getting frustrated at trying to build a sandcastle. And then they are able to try again! When kids are in the middle of an emotional storm, it’s unrealistic to expect them to brainstorm solutions! But when the storm passes, we can be there to help them think about what to do next.

3. Praise Children’s Efforts & Be Specific
Generic praise—such as “Wow!” or “Good work!” or “Nice!”—is warm and supportive. But descriptive praise is even more powerful because it’s specific and helps kids make the connection between what they are doing and what they are learning.

This language shift can be pretty simple. Just describe what you notice. “Good work” can become “Good work figuring out how to share with your sister.” “Nice!” can become “Nice! I like all the different colors you used in this picture.”

When we offer specific observations, we show our kids that we are paying attention to them. We see their effortAnd when it comes to building perseverance and resilience, effort matters more than the outcome.

4. Use Stories to Teach Them about “Yet.”
There’s a big difference, emotionally, between the phrase, “I can’t do it!” and “I can’t do it, yet.” The word “yet” is a bridge between present frustration and future possibility. Stories are a great tool for inspiring kids to persevere, especially when they hear and watch stories about characters who work through challenges. We can also tell children stories about themselves! My kids love hearing stories about how they turned a struggle into an achievement. It helps them feel proud and reminds them that they can do hard things.

Growing up is hard, amazing work. Kids deserve supportive adults by their side, offering encouragement and celebrating all the ways they are growing.

—By Deborah Farmer Kris
Deborah Farmer Kris is a writer, teacher, parent educator, and school administrator. She works on parenting projects for PBS KIDS for Parents and writes about education for MindShift, an NPR learning blog. Deborah has two kids who love to test every theory she’s ever had about child development! Mostly, she loves finding and sharing nuggets of practical wisdom that can help kids and families thrive — including her own. You can follow her on Twitter @dfkris.

This post originally appeared on PBS KIDS for Parents.

PBS KIDS believes the world is full of possibilities, and so is every child. As the number one educational media brand for kids, PBS KIDS helps children learn life lessons, explore their feelings and discover new adventures, while seeing themselves uniquely reflected and celebrated in lovable, diverse characters through television, digital media, and community-based programs. 

With 2020 firmly behind and the 2021 summer around the corner, our hopes are on the rise for the resumption of travel this year. While grateful for being relatively COVID-safe in Singapore’s golden cage, the smallness of our island has us pining for the outside.

2021 and there are 227 inhabited Greek islands. Where should we even get started?

As they say in Greece, hope dies last. Under lockdown, I’ve combed through island after island, selecting our visions of paradise for the next three summers. By now, I’ve read every major travel magazine article, little known blog post, and forum review on the destinations of interest. Each island has a tab in my spreadsheet and a file on Instagram collecting information and inspiration as I go.

Finally, I have the luxury of time to plan a vacation. A true rarity for moms. And finally, I’ve found exactly what we’ve been looking for: stylish and reasonably priced vacation villa gems located directly on child-friendly beaches in mid-size Cycladic seaside villages. Day trip options for semi-private cruises to neighboring islands with out-of-this-world beachscapes. Where to send the kids for a pottery workshop while in Sifnos…Any trip from here will never be so well planned. And as parents with the load of baggage we carry, some volatile with surprises, invaluable is a seamlessly organized holiday.

The simulation of travel in the planning process soon became therapeutic escapism. From home, I visualized us on that beach house patio with a cool glass of Assyrtiko in hand. Slowly sipping, we watch the kids frolick in fine white sand as the sky changes color. Later, we take an evening to wander through cobblestone paths of whitewashed villages, alive with the soul of Greece. I deviate to shop online for kaftans. I think we will dine at a Greek restaurant tonight.

Sure, I may have to cancel everything a month before June but herein lies a precious exercise in non-attachment and letting go: There is meaning in learning to defer to forces beyond our control. So much of our days as parents never go as planned anyways. And if the process of pursuing an end result designed to bring happiness, instead dominates with anger and frustration, what then is the point of the whole endeavor?

Savor the planning, inhabit the surprises, heal if you must, and journey on. Enjoy the entirety of your travels, and consider 2021 an opportunity for the most well researched you, ever. Whether in a summer sojourn, or the journey of life.

 

A restless city-loving Singaporean learning how to be still, embrace the antithesis of her husband's Greek nature and homeland, and master motherhood. After moving from Athens, we now live in Chicago, and are set to return to Singapore for a proper village welcome of our second baby.

 

Photo: Ali Flynn

Hey mamas,

Anyone else out there feel like they are on the COVID “no” train with their kids?

“No, you can’t have a sleepover but your friends can stay as late as they want.”

“No, your friends can’t hang out in your bedroom right now but you can hang out in our heated garage.”

“No, your friends can’t come inside the house and no, you can’t go inside your friend’s house.”

Friends, I’m exhausted talking to my teenagers about this and I’m weary that this has gone on for so long.

To be quite honest, I’m over this.

What I thought was going to be a few days off from school is now approaching the ten-month mark but I know deep inside, I have to remain positive and stay grounded to keep our family safe.

But today I was also reminded, from a stranger, how I have to remain diligent as a mom. 

A delivery person called to confirm a flower delivery and began to pour out his heart, sharing with me how he lost his dad to COVID.

His dad was a healthy 72-year-old man who, within days, was placed on a ventilator and never came out of the hospital. 

This young man was weepy sharing his story. He willingly opened up his deepest wounds about how he was able to hold his dad’s hand and how he is one of the lucky ones since his dad didn’t die alone. 

This man’s personal encounter with COVID needed to be heard through my Bluetooth, in the car, for my teens to hear.

His message was needed as my girls too often forget why we are sacrificing being indoors and sleepovers with friends right now.

One day though, it won’t be this hard.

And on the days I begin to feel filled with frustration, I simply need to go back to this phone call.

My answer of “no”, is to keep our neighbors safe. My answer of “no” is to protect the health of my family members. My answer of “no” is often not the path other people are taking, and at times it’s not fun, but the big picture is more important to me. I just hope one day my teenagers see this as well. 

So for now, I have to remain confident and comfortable being the “no” mom.

But I sure do miss our old ways. I miss the girls having friends over laughing in the kitchen and hearing all about college applications and life in high school while munching on endless bags of chips.

I miss making waffles, the morning after a sleepover and watching the girls walk downstairs in their oversized sweatshirts and messy buns. 

I miss the hustle and bustle of what my house once was. It was a place where kids were in and out all of the time, side doors slamming and laughing. Lots and lots of laughing.

But I really miss saying yes.

These girls miss their friends and sleepovers. 

I am really patiently waiting for the day I can start to say “yes” again and again and again.

Yes, to the sleepovers. 

Yes, to the snuggles on the couch, with a friend, watching a movie, and sharing a bowl of popcorn.

Yes, to a handful of teenagers hanging out in the kitchen eating whatever leftovers I have in the fridge.

Who knew one simple word could mean so much? 

I see the light and know the bend in the road is coming soon. The road we all miss and hold close to our hearts in memory, but also a road that will be the same, yet different, once we embark on it again. 

So for now, I will continue to look forward to the day I can say “yes.”

A “yes” that is filled with every ounce of confidence, stored within this heart of mine, knowing my family and all those around me will remain safe.

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama by Ali Flynn.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

Photo: Trista Heffner

There are so many things I want to tell you, but it’s so hard—I don’t even know where to begin.

Ever since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a Mom. In fact, until just before I graduated high school, the only job I ever had was babysitting. Caring for kids has always been a passion of mine. I prayed for you for so long. There was a long stretch of time that I didn’t think it was going to happen.

After what seemed like forever, by medical intervention and God’s grace, that beautiful pink line finally appeared. I know now that the long wait for your arrival was just the first of many lessons in patience for me. Being your Mom has taught me so much. You are extremely aware of the emotions around you. You remind me when I’m being too loud. You become anxious. You know when I’m feeling sad. You keep a very close eye on me. You know when I’m relaxed and genuinely happy. You never short the laughter. You’ve shown me the need to slow down. My favorite is when I’ve been so busy doing things and you just grab my hand and pull me away from whatever I’m doing and sit me on the couch. Most of the time that is as far as it goes. You just want me sitting next to you. You remind me in your own way to take a break. You amaze me every day with your resilience. Your dedication to keep trying until perfection. Many of our hard times are you becoming frustrated with something you are trying to do or working on but don’t have the answer yet. Like somehow you failed. The anxiety takes over. You get overwhelmed. It breaks my heart when it takes over and you don’t have the words to explain what’s going on or how I can help. A million things race through my head. What can I do for you? At the moment, nothing that comes to mind feels like enough.

So, I sit there with my arms wrapped around you holding you through the frustration, the tears, the flaps, and the kicks. Reminding you that you are doing a great job. To take deep breaths. I’m here to help, always. We’re in this together. They say “Actions speak louder than words”  and that couldn’t be more true.

You have taught me so much, to not forget to take a breath. To calm myself when something is getting the best of me. You might not have all of the words yet but you show me, day after day, that love needs no words. I am so proud of you. I am proud to be your Mom. I am proud to be your voice. I am proud to share your story. The real. The raw. The joy.

I am proud to raise awareness. Because awareness leads to understanding. Understanding leads to acceptance. That is my dream for you and all the other amazing kids out there. Acceptance. And for this world to be a little kinder. To see you through my eyes for the amazing, smart, sweet, and loving person that you are. I’m so glad God chose me to be your Mom.

This post originally appeared on Hurricane Heffners.

Trista is a mother of two, Allayna and David. David was diagnosed with moderate ASD. She is married to her husband Drew and they live in Wisconsin where she works full-time from home. She enjoys spending time with her family, large amounts of coffee and sharing her family's journey.

This past year has been the hardest yet for our family of three. No secret to the masses, this worldwide pandemic has been an intense, devastating wave. It has caused stress (like for millions of others) financially, as we rely on just one income. It has caused anxiety, and frustration and the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being trapped and secluded. And it has caused the world death, and despair and heartache. We all know someone who has been affected, in one fashion or another.

But when you think of who has been hit the hardest, for many, special needs children are nowhere on that radar. I feel it impossible to describe the emotion behind watching your child be seemingly forgotten. Day in and day out in the last ten plus months, I have watched my child slowly regress. Autism winning, taking hold of his world, and ours, with no way to stop it. This grows apparent with every skill that has been lost and had to be relearned from previous years; things like simply staying seated, or throwing things away properly.

We have seen more compulsive behaviors like hoarding and hiding items (of no known rhyme or reason) under beds, and couches, and in drawers. We’ve witnessed it in sleep, as Beckett seems to need/get fewer and fewer hours of rest in, with each month that passes. We see this in every meltdown induced by simply having to leave our home (for any reason). Many days, Beckett does not want to be away from his safe space. His bubble. And every red light, every turn, every stop causes a tense meltdown.

And on that same token, visitors, family, they are no longer “welcomed” in our home with his sweet smile and overjoyed personality. But rather, with tears, and frustration, and hands leading them back to the front door, in an attempt to get them to leave. It’s evident in meals, as Beckett’s food list grows smaller yet, though we have tried hard to push new things. There is just too much “new” occurring for him in the day-to-day. And all the while, I still have to keep up that same previous, consistent fight, for him to be truly seen.

There are no specific protocols put in place for children like mine, on the spectrum, and with various other special needs. There is no change made just for them, to keep them excelling, or even just to keep them from backpedaling. Nothing to keep them grounded, in a world turned upside down. Where is their assistance when schools and centers close their doors? Where are they to put their trust, when instructors leave them to their devices, to attempt to learn “like everyone else”?

My son’s mind craves stability and schedules. His body needs consistency and routine. While all the world is going on to “Plan B” with online educating, and rotating schedules, children just like mine are forgotten in the shadows. Forced to magically transform, or “sit tight” and ride out the storm. How is my son to survive a world in crisis, implementing the very structures that push every “fight or flight” mode in his body?

With all my might, I will push to be the brightest beaming lighthouse he needs, to navigate this life, but I am just one light in this dark, wide ocean.

This post originally appeared on To Infinity & Beyond Words.

BriAnna is a stay-at-home mom to her Disney loving, son Beckett (5), and wife to her Navy  Veteran husband, Cameron. Beckett is Autistic and non-verbal, so BriAnna created her page, "To Infinity & Beyond Words" to shine a light of love on their world of special needs. Their family of three call Nebraska home, and call themselves blessed. 

Has 2020 been a year to remember, or what? I think it earns the distinction of being the one that most people think they would rather forget.

Call me a Pollyanna, but I always try to find the positive, even in challenging situations. While I didn’t request a pandemic, I have discovered much about myself and my relationship with my kids during this trying time. Here are seven parenting lessons I’ve learned in 2020.

1. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. What happens when your shift starts in two minutes, but your internet has been out for 20, and you can’t reach a representative to save your life? You get skilled at writing apology letters, and you meditate—a lot—while drinking gallons of green tea. There’s nothing else you can do.

2020 has taught me not to sweat the small stuff. I’ve embraced the “will it matter in five years” rule regarding unforeseen inconveniences. After all, when each new sunrise brings a fresh batch of hurdles to overcome, your only alternatives are to pull the covers over your head or square your shoulders.

Pro-Tip: when you have kids, the bedsheets never hide you for long. Straighten your crown, take a deep breath, do the best you can and forget the rest.

2. Expect the Unexpected. If there’s anything certain in 2020, it’s uncertainty. While you can’t prepare for every contingency—I doubt many saw this pandemic coming and had a stash of toilet paper at the ready—you can take steps to protect those you love.

I don’t want to think about dying, but nor do I consider myself immune to novel coronaviruses or any other bug—or out-of-control drivers or hurricanes. Although I cut expenses like everyone else, I made sure to keep my life insurance paid. I don’t want anyone dipping into my kids’ college funds to pay for my casket.

3. Flexibility Is a Must. If you think showing up for work late is bad, try an internet outage when it’s your child’s show and tell day at their new virtual school. You may have heard Justin Timberlake sing “Cry Me a River,” but you never witnessed it until you have a disappointed 6-year-old.

If you want to win Mom of the Year, you need to think on your feet. What if you’re sure the teacher will allow a make-up, but your child remains unconvinced that anyone will care about her presentation after the big day? Take her to the park, find the most rockin’ thing you can find—even if it is an interesting rock—and delight her with her new and improved share-time treat that everyone will be dying to see.

4. Exercise Burns Frustration. I’m surprised that I have any pillows left with stuffing intact. Why? One of my family’s favorite ways to relieve stress is by whacking the ever-loving poop out of our mattresses with them.

There’s something soothing about screaming, “I. Am. So. Angry. Right. Now” while beating the fluff out of an inanimate object to punctuate each end mark. My kiddos took to the idea like ducks.

We express our frustration in other ways, too. Sometimes, we’ll put on tunes and dance like dervishes until we collapse, exhausted, on the living room rug. Hey, we’re burning calories along with frustration, and we aren’t hurting anyone. Plus, the exercise bathes our bodies in feel-good endorphins. When tough times call, let science answer.

5. Yoga & Meditation Are for Everyone. Every mom needs time to herself, and I used to get a bit tense when my eldest wanted to practice yoga with me. 2020 taught me that mindful activity benefits everyone, not only those over the age of 18.

Since she’s young, she’ll meditate for one minute for each year of her age. I can see the improvement in her behavior. I’m glad that I introduced her to my practice, even if she only partially participates. It gives her valuable coping skills for later in life.

6. The Best Things in Life Are Free. We loved our local library before the pandemic, but we adore the curbside pick-up options since it broke. While it’s not as fun to browse virtual bookshelves as real-life ones, I know that doing so keeps us safe.

Although we’re doing okay financially, we aren’t rich. We did cut back considerably to save cash during these trying times. However, my eldest now adores playing her kid-sized version of “Chopped.” I consider myself a culinary whiz, but it’s even more impressive to see what she does with the leftovers in her “basket.”

7. Cherish Every Precious Moment with Your Little Ones. If there’s one lesson that 2020 taught me more than anything, it’s to cherish those I love. It’s not the first time I thought about the importance of always telling family members you care before leaving in the morning. I felt nervous after each school shooting. However, while you can see a gunman, you can’t visualize a microscopic virus or where it may lurk.

There are no certainties in life, and another day with your precious loved ones isn’t guaranteed. Instead of groaning at another day of cabin fever, cherish the increased time you have with those you hold dearest. If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that you never know when you’d give anything to have those moments back.

And while I’ll be glad to see 2020 end on January 1, 2021, I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned. What has this crazy year taught you and your family?

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.