“Live by the Golden Rule… but also know there’s more to it”

What exactly does it take to raise a compassionate, empathetic, and open-minded boy? According to experts, the key is open, honest, and frequent communication—starting when boys are young. We came up with 10 easy yet important messages for raising a son with compassion.

1. It’s more than OK to show and share your emotions.
Boys traditionally haven’t been encouraged to express themselves emotionally. Instead, they are applauded for their prowess in physical pursuits like sports. Despite social progress that has definitively proven otherwise, “boys don’t cry” and “man up” remain common-if-outdated sentiments among even the most well-meaning parents. “Boys can have battles and want to jump off of things and light things on fire, and still be emotionally complex and need to be held when they are upset,” says Rosalind Wiseman, a parenting educator and author of Masterminds and Wingmen. Let your boy cry, hug him and tell him that you support him, always.

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
According to Dr. Mary L. Gavin, what kids worry about is often related to the age and stage they’re in. For boys, particularly tween-aged and teenaged ones, anxiety about their changing bodies and changing social dynamics can easily and quickly spiral out of control. Encourage your boy to focus on what’s genuinely important—like having a solid foundation of knowing what’s right and what’s wrong—and to let go of the trivial stuff.

3. Live by the Golden Rule… but also know there’s more to it.
Beyond teaching the Golden Rule, which is to treat others as you’d want to be treated, impress upon your boy that while respect is a two-way street, tolerance, and acceptance are just as important. According to Dana Williams, parenting columnist at Teaching Tolerance, the Golden Rule alone is insufficient. “There are times when we as parents must explain things that are painful and unfair—racism, sexism, stereotypes, hate. Times when we must comfort our children, times I have had to help my eight-year-old son learn that what some would do unto him isn’t always kind or fair.” Teach boys that mutual respect is just a start toward open-hearted acceptance.

4. Learn to walk in others’ shoes.
An essential life skill that parents should teach children is empathy. “It sounds a lot like ‘sympathy,’ but empathy is quite different,” says business and life coach Justine Campbell of Mindquest Group. “Empathy is about feeling with other people. It’s the ability to understand and experience another’s feelings, and to respond in ways that help, not hinder.” Research shows that while the ability to understand others’ perspectives begins rising steadily in girls starting from age 13, it doesn’t really begin for boys until age 15. Empathy is like a muscle that needs to be flexed over time to gain power.

5. Know that kindness is one of your greatest strengths.
Speaking of muscles: perhaps the greatest muscle everyone needs to use more is kindness. Encouraging boys to practice kindness will help to habituate them to know how to give and receive kindness, which will reap benefits in current and future relationships. Science has proven that kindness and generosity are the two driving forces that lead to successful, long-term relationships. Remind your boy that the more he uses his kindness muscle, the stronger it’ll get.

Related: 20 Empowering Things to Say to Your Daughter Every Day

a little boy who's parents are raising a son with compassion for others
iStock

 

6. Celebrate those who are different from you.
If empathy and tolerance are foundational skills required for nurturing a boy to become a nurturing, caring man, teaching him to celebrate differences in others will empower him to recognize and love the differences in himself. Scholastic has a useful lesson plan and reading list for learning about differences that can help foster a greater understanding for both young and old people alike.

7. Share what you have generously and willingly.
Generosity is an infectious condition. According to Nancy Eisenberg, a researcher who specializes in children’s social development, children become more generous by having the experience of giving to others—and learning how good that feels. But there’s a catch: Eisenberg cautions that the giving experience needs to be voluntary. “If we force children to share, they walk away resentful, not feeling generous. Not surprisingly, they’re less likely to share after that.”

8. Recognize and embrace your own strengths and ideas—don’t always go with the flow.
Few people would argue that callous behavior is somehow innate. If anything, bad attitudes and jerkiness tend to be learned over time—and either tamped down or reinforced by our social circles. Studies have shown that rudeness can be as contagious as the common cold; thus, it’s important to teach boys that they have control and ownership of their behavior and ideas, even if the crowd does and believes something different.

9. Know when to say “I’m sorry.”
For many people, especially men, the two hardest words to say are “I’m sorry.” Girls and women often are conditioned to apologize, whether or not an apology is warranted. Teaching boys the power of saying “I’m sorry” will instill self-awareness and humility, and give them a head start in understanding that taking personal responsibility is a quality that will serve them well into their adulthood.

10. Be yourself.
Whether you’re raising a son who is a star athlete who likes to wear black nail polish or a math whiz who likes to watch Broadway musicals, letting your kid know that he is perfect exactly the way he is will empower him to love himself, no matter what external cultural and social forces and messages may be put upon him. Reinforcing the truth that there isn’t a single way to “be a man” will help to create a new generation of boys who’ll change the world for the better.

Related: 9 ‘Harmless’ Phrases That Hurt Kids More Than You Think

Spending time with friends will actually boost your immunity

If you can’t remember the last time you had a girl’s night out, you’ll want to want to plan one ASAP. One study shows why women should spend time with friends—and it’s not just for the wine and laughs.

Researchers at the University of Oxford found that women’s overall health and well-being improved when they spent time with four best friends twice a week to partake in specific activities. According to the study, these activities include drinking beer, gossiping, and discussing rivals. The research found that women interact best by joking and talking about things that make them laugh.

The health benefits from these regular friend dates included a stronger immune system, faster recovery times from illness, a decrease in anxiety, and an increase in generosity. The optimal way to make the most of these benefits was to meet with up to four friends, any more and the probability of generating the necessary endorphins for happiness was decreased.

In an interview with Scientific American in 2017, University of Oxford researcher and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar explained how common activities associated with friendship actually benefit our health: “Laughing together, jogging together, dancing together, singing together, telling emotionally wrenching stories, going to see weepy films—these activities buffer the body biochemically and immunologically against the kinds of coughs and colds of everyday life.”

How did the study figure out exactly how often you should see your besties? “The figure of twice a week comes from our findings that this is the amount of time that you typically spend with your closest friends/family,” Dunbar told The Huffington Post.

Despite all the benefits, the study found that only two out of five women actually have the time to go out with friends once a week and less so once they have kids. It’s not easy to make time for yourself, but clearly making the effort for mom’s night out is worth it.

 

 

 

Human beings are designed to do life together. Days feel infinitely more full and joyful when we share them with others. But it isn’t just moments of celebration that draw us close. It is the act of calling upon each other in times of desperation that truly knits us into a unit.

When my mother’s health took a turn for the worse last month, I discovered anew how laying groundwork within relationships pays off. It is the solid foundation of forever friends and familial bonds that provides strength and support when we need it the most.

In this season of gratitude, I feel especially thankful for the friends who cared for my husband and kids so I could take a few days off from mom life to focus on my role as a daughter and care for my ailing mother.

My mom prides herself in being a strong, successful and independent woman. She has her life under as much control as possible—an immaculate home, thorough files, strategically-planned retirement and detailed travel itineraries. She had plans to visit her seventh continent this fall, but a pesky tumor forced her to slow down and reach out for help.

Neighbors and friends covered the first week until I was able to fly out. Like mother, like daughter. Just as my mom called upon her own network, so did I. I enlisted the help of my “village” so that I could travel across the country to serve as a crucial member of her support network in her season of need.

I ached for ways to help, both tangibly and emotionally. My primary love language is Acts of Service. This is how I both feel loved and express my love for others. So, the best way for me to care for my mother was to show up in person and provide some helping hands and feet.

I tucked my mom in to her nest on the couch and baked fresh bread, changed lightbulbs and typed up her financial affairs, rolled the recycling bins out to the curb and listened to stories about family heirlooms. In other words, I got to be a grown-up daughter.

In the process of helping my mother in California, I opened myself up to experience the love of my friends in New York. They stepped up to take care of the needs around my home that arose because of my absence. Yes, my husband could have managed dinner each day, but I cherished the opportunity to say yes to friends offering to deliver meals. I could feel their love flowing clear across the country on the evenings they stopped by our apartment. Rotisserie chicken, bread and broccoli showed up at our door to nourish my kids and husband, and in that instant my heart was fed as well.

I have four kids and a life full of responsibilities in New York City, but the foundation I’ve laid over the last decade made it possible to step out of my regular routine for five days to make a difference in my mother’s quality of life. Here are three ideas to make this feasible in your life too.

1. Nurture relationships with a few dear family friends who understand and love your kids. It helps if they also have the bandwidth and desire to help. Should an emergency come your way, it will be less of a shock to their system if your kids already know and trust these friends.

2. Empower your spouse by encouraging them to foster friendships too. How? Chat up other parents at birthday parties, invite another family along apple picking, or join forces navigating the trick-or-treat crowds. I had lined up friends to help with school pickups and drop-offs during my trip so my husband could work, but I left the weekend schedule open for him to figure out. Because my husband had already invested in some neighborhood friendships, he was comfortable texting several families to plan playdates for the weekend I was away. The result? They had a blast! They cheered on a friend running the marathon, hosted an impromptu pizza party, and swung from tree limbs in Central Park.

3. Look out for ways to give and receive help, and in so doing, you will strengthen your relationship web. There’s something beautiful about shouldering one another’s burdens. Sure, we can take care of our own basic needs. But isn’t it lovely to let others care for you in a way that frees you up to, in turn, care for others? It makes life less lonely and more purpose-filled. It’s not lost on me that I have been granted these loving friendships so that I can turn around and pour out that love on others in my life. I am blessed in order to be a blessing.

Will my kids inherit this culture of generosity and care? I hope so! I pray that they will grow up to truly value the relationships in their lives. Then, when I am old and gray and need my adult children to come take care of me, it will be their turn to joyfully draw upon their own foundational friendships.

Kristin Van de Water

Kristin Van de Water
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kristin Van de Water is a former journalist and teacher who relies on humor, faith, and her mom crew to get her through the day. Raising four kids in a two-bedroom NYC apartment, Kristin is always on the lookout for life hacks to save time, space, money, and her sanity.

There has been a lot of questioning about the legitimacy of Santa in our house. It started last year. We tracked him on the Eve and searched the internet for “actual footage” of Rudolph. Our son was only four years old and I thought we had more time. When I discussed this with other families, I got a variety of responses. Some shrugged it off and said they don’t do the Santa thing because they don’t like lying to their children or the patriarchy of it. There were the families that recommended all the ways I could prove his existence. Then there were the parental’s that firmly declared a halt to playdates with our son for fear he would expose their children to this curiosity. “The threat of Santa is how we get through the season.”

I get it. I do. I understand that the idea of sitting on a strange man’s knee telling him what a good girl or boy they’ve been in exchange for gifts can be jarring. I see this and don’t dismiss it. I also know that Christmas is not about Santa on a religious note, and frankly, he tends to overshadow the real man of the hour anyway. Woman of the hour too. I mean, Mary rode on a donkey for five days—pregnant! Way more impressive than a fat guy flying in a sleigh for a day. Am I right?

However, to me, it wasn’t about greed and spoils. The Santa I grew up with lived in the small town of Bristol, Rhode Island. He goes by Gerry.

Mickie and Gerry were friends of the family for as far back as I can remember. Always involved in the community and often seen breakfasting at the King Phillip Inn on Sundays. I remember my parents confiding in me the big secret—they were the real Mr. and Mrs. Claus. “Maryellen, you can’t tell anyone.” I nodded, and my world spun faster. I. Knew. Santa. Mind. Blown.

Their license plate said “Ho Ho Ho,” and they were never skimpy with candy canes. The beard? Oh, it was real alright! As was their generosity. Booked from November to January, morning until night, they didn’t accept payment for their visits, only donations to a charity.

I usually knew when they were coming over. The excitement was apparent by children and adults alike. Christmas carols playing and candles lit, I’d wait. Anticipation consumed me. I got butterflies as soon as I heard the bells. They had this way of entering. A subtle shaking of jingle bells before making their entrance. Not too loud or over the top. No annoyingly fake ho, ho, ho-ing. Rather than overwhelming energy, they were calm and mystical. The air seemed to sparkle around them. Santa was soft-spoken and understated. Still, I could be shy around him. Luckily, Mrs. Claus took the reigns and steered me in the right direction. She did most of the talking with a kind smile and lots of questions. The elves definitely answered to her; that much was clear. Santa, too, no doubt.

Some might say that knowing Mickie and Gerry in real life should have ruined the experience for me. Quite the opposite. It was never Mickie and Gerry playing Mr. and Mrs. Claus. No, t’was Mr. and Mrs. Claus that played Mickie and Gerry. Or so it seemed. Seeing them out and about town or talking with them at family gatherings, Gerry had the same twinkle in his eye wearing jeans and a sweater that he did in his fur-trimmed, red suit. Mickie was as sassy, sweet and in charge as when she wielded sugary treats.

The older I got, the more I had the privilege of getting to know them. You know, the undercover them. They are Jewish and frequented the restaurant where I worked. Whenever the Rabbi joined, Mickie would whisper, “Don’t tell him I order the pork.” Naughty Mrs. Claus! Girl, I got you.

The restaurant was below the 2nd Story Theatre. Most diners ate before the play, so the joint was empty for the show’s run time. In December, Mickie and Gerry… ahem… Mr. and Mrs. Claus would sneak in the side door between gigs, ringing their signature bells and help themselves to a full meal. Well into my twenties, I still got butterflies. It had nothing to do with gifts. Obviously, I knew who was supplying those long, long ago. But I still believed. I believed in them what they were doing. The joy they were spreading, and the magic of Christmas.

That is what Santa represents to me, and why my heart aches as my son heads down the road to not believing. I appreciate and value his curiosity, and will stop myself from plotting drastic action to prove otherwise, but for now I stand by my statement. Yes, Francis, there is a Santa Claus. His name is Gerry.

Maryellen Brito

 

I am an actor in New York City, currently cast in my most fulfilling role to date - mom! When I’m not chasing my son around the playground, I’m busy writing, cooking and trying to remember what I went upstairs for. 

Does anyone ever know how much candy to buy for Halloween?

Ah, the age old question of how much candy to buy for Halloween. There’s nothing worse than running out halfway through the evening and having to hide in your house with the lights out. That’s why Shipt and Mars Wrigley have devised a new formula to help you determine how many sweets to purchase, plus a heat map of top treats by state.

The formula looks intimidating but is actually quite simple. It breaks down like this:

  • Time: The number of hours you plan to leave the lights on
  • Kids: Estimated number of kids per hour that will ring your doorbell
  • Generosity factor: How many pieces of candy you plan to give to each kid
  • Days: The number of days between the initial candy purchase and Halloween
  • Family: Number of family members in the household
  • Sneaky factor: Average number of pieces of candy each member of the household will eat per day

Shipt also sagely advises to divide the final count by 1.5 if rain is in the forecast. As for the most popular treats, it varies widely by state. However, 18 states would pick Snickers above all and 9 states are in favor of the classic M&Ms. Take a look to see which candy you should stock up on in your state!

Related: Candy Corny: 45 Halloween Jokes for Kids

Looks like Montana kids will be getting lots of gum. Shipt’s shopping data also shows that Halloween is the most popular day to buy candy, unsurprisingly.

To incentivize you as you stock up on treats this season, Shipt is offering $5 off to customers if they spend $25 on Mars Wrigley products for the two weeks leading up to Halloween. But since it’s a little early for that, you’re probably still plotting out your perfect costume and we have just the list for you

Photo: Devin Tomiak

Anyone else feel a mild sense of panic at the word “resilience”?

You worry you aren’t doing enough to build your kid’s resilience. You worry you aren’t doing it right. You worry because the stakes are so high. You worry because you don’t even know the difference between “resilience” and “resiliency.” (Is there a difference?) And your kid quit T-ball after just one practice. And your kid cried after losing Parcheesi. And your kid just seems, well, flimsy.

[Cue timid hand raise.]

Fear not.

Whether you mean to be or not, you are building your child’s resilience all the time.

That’s right. ALL THE TIME.

Each time you sign your child up for soccer or baton twirling or chess club, you are teaching the value of cultivating passions. Each time you ask your child to do a chore, you’re imparting self-efficacy. Each time you insist your child floss, you are instructing them on self-care. Each time you remind your child not to interrupt when you’re on the phone, you are teaching empathy and effective communication. Each time you say “After you,” and hold the door open for a stranger walking into a store at the same moment as you, you are modeling generosity and connection for your child.

So is this enough? Probably. But there’s an easy way to make all that you do and all that you say more than enough.

Simply help your child realize how they feel after they do something good.

That means not just teaching your child self-efficacy by assigning chores. It’s taking it one small step further by asking how your child feels about helping the family in this way. It means not just creating a self-care routine in flossing, but taking a quick moment to ask your child how it feels to be doing something for their physical well-being. Obviously, your child knows that he likes chess. But does your child know what it is about chess that he likes? The strategizing? The black and white pattern of the board and the miniature pieces? The feeling of winning?

And instead of just opening that door for the stranger at the store, it means saying afterward to your child, “Wow, that made me feel really good to do something for someone else.” Not only will you be modeling this type of thinking for your child. You’ll actually be triggering your child to think about how they feel. Hearing YOU talk about your emotions will cause your child to think about THEIRS. That’s because it’s just about impossible to hear someone talk about a sensation, without reflecting on your own experience. If someone says, “I feel cold,” our natural inclination is to check in with ourselves to see if we’re cold too. That’s built into our biology.

One of the most important protective factors we can possess on the journey towards resilience is self-awareness. And conversation is our gateway to awakening.

When kids know themselves—their needs, their strengths and weaknesses, when they know what drives them, what gets their blood flowing, as well as what gets their blood boiling—when kids understand who they really are, they’re able to set realistic goals for themselves, they are able to tend to their own needs, recognize their own limitations, and make responsible choices.

According to Thrive Global, Arianna Huffington’s company that aims to improve the well-being of people and communities, self-awareness is all about asking yourself the right questions.

When it comes to sparking self-awareness in our children, it’s all about asking them the right questions. Our job as parents is to help our kids learn to reflect on their experiences, not just have an experience.

Plus, growing our children’s self-awareness will not just help them understand themselves better. It will help you understand your child better, and along with that, it will help you connect to them better.

And perhaps you’ll never wonder if it’s “resilience” or “resiliency” again.

This post originally appeared on The Biggies Conversation Cards Blog.

After losing a brother to suicide, Devin Tomiak was driven to understand youth resiliency. Her personal mission to strengthen her relationship with her children, develop their emotional intelligence, and improve the communication skills of her whole family led her to create The Biggies Conversation Cards for elementary-aged kids.

Pinkalicious fans rejoice! HarperCollins Children’s Books recently announced the newest addition to the beloved series—Rubylicious!

Next fall your literary-loving littles can get their hands on the latest adventure of the iconic Pinkalicious character. Authored by series writer Victoria Kann, this all-new picture book tells the story of Pinkalicious, her brother Peter and Rocky.

photo courtesy of PR Newswire

When Pinkalicious hunts through her rock collection for stones, Rocky pops out to grant the book’s main character her one true wish. What will Pinkalicious wish for? To answer that question, you’ll have to wait for the book’s debut!

Rubylicious includes themes of generosity of selflessness that will help your child to learn, grown, and develop. Author Victoria Kann said, in a press release, “It is truly an honor for me to be able to write and illustrate the Pinkalicious book series.” Kann added, “I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to create stories, characters, and art that children connect with. I hope that readers will find joy, humor, comfort, and inspiration with my newest picture book, Rubylicious, which is about overcoming fear, being generous, and discovering a wish that is truly meaningful.”

Antonia Markiet, Editorial Director, HarperCollins Children’s Books, also said, “As the publishers of Victoria Kann’s Pinkalicious series for over fifteen years, we’re delighted to present the latest addition to the series, Rubylicious! Joyous, playful, and as imaginative as ever, it opens a door to a theme that children and parents can explore together—the importance of kindness.”

Rubylicious will make its grand debut Sep. 28, 2021. You can preorder on Amazon for $18.99.

—Erica Loop

 

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Children want to matter. They want to do the right thing. They notice far more about what is happening around them than we sometimes give them credit for. When we speak of self-esteem in children, we are not talking about encouraging entitlement or arrogance. We are talking about nurturing the kind of self-esteem that gives them the confidence to be kind and empathetic individuals. What children experience in the home, they extend to those they socialize with outside of the home… classroom, playground, the sports field, etc. Building self-esteem in young children gives them the confidence to step up to appreciate, participate and nurture kindness in their environment. 

Reminding your children that even the smallest among us can make a big difference. 
Children doing good deeds is one of the most heartwarming things you’ll ever see, so why not encourage your children to be that spark for the people around them? But keep in mind that children will often get cold feet when push comes to shove, so practice with them in advance of the “big day.” Do some role-playing with them, going over the different experiences they might encounter while doing their good deeds. This practice will help them to step up automatically in the future.

Be a good role model—start by displaying acts of kindness towards others.
Children model what they live and experience. It goes without saying that kindness in the home translates to kindness outside of the home. No home or family experience is perfect 100 % of the time…let’s be real, but that is the basis of a nurturing, loving, stable environment. Sometimes kids emulate their parents, and when they see you make a gesture of kindness or compassion, they themselves will become confident in expressing their own form of kindness towards others. Modeling the right attitude is very important.

Encourage responsibility.
Age-appropriate responsibility helps children build their self-worth. They begin to understand that making their bed, taking their dishes from the table after a meal, helping a younger sibling with a puzzle or homework is noticed by their caregivers and they understand that they are respected for their actions. As children get older, their responsibilities grow, of course, but gaining responsibility within the family unit correlates with growth and development.

Teach your kids to be thankful for at least one thing every day.
The oft used phrase “gratitude is attitude” holds true. There has been a great deal written about the importance of gratitude in a fulfilled life, but perhaps one of the most effective ways to help children learn to practice gratitude is for the adults in their lives to model it. If they hear the words: “thank you,” “we should be so grateful,” “count our blessings”, etc. they begin to value that sentiment and it becomes more natural for them to practice it themselves. 

Find ways to involve your children in acts of charity.
We generally think of charity in terms grand gestures. We are thankful for those magnanimous actions and generosity. There are also many levels of charity that children can learn and participate in. Parents can actively seek out age-appropriate community service opportunities for their children until the kids find them for themselves whether that be through school projects or service groups. Kids can help pack up dry goods/canned food for food pantry donations, donate gently used clothing and toys for others. Seek out charities in your area that need your help. Being part of something like this will make them feel good about themselves. Self-esteem grows when children see that what they do has a positive impact on others.

Teach Self-Affirmation: Positive self-talk: Mindfulness
This is something that we work on as adults. It is a skill that we develop. Why don’t we teach children how to do this? It is critical to self-image, self-confidence, and self-esteem. That conversation that we have in our head about ourselves influences our behavior and in many ways encourages us to step up and speak up for others. In the book A Little Spark, Spark tells himself many times, “I can do more. I know I can.” This helped him believe that if given the opportunity, he would step up too. In terms of mindfulness, it’s important for kids to take time to unplug, be still, and calm their thoughts. Kids with self-esteem think good things about themselves.

Last year I had the opportunity to work with an amazing Grade 1 teacher in Dallas, Texas, to develop a pilot project using some of the lessons from “A Little Spark”. She made this observation: “I personally loved the lessons learned in the story, especially that even the smallest creature can make the biggest difference. That is especially important for children to hear because they so badly want to be seen and heard.” We need to continuously help children build the confidence needed to step up, be heard, and look for ways to be that Spark.

Chris Parsons grew up in Flatrock, Newfoundland. After many years of telling his stories, he published his first book "A Little Spark" in October 2020. The book is a fully illustrated chapter book - complete with a Soundtrack and Audiobook. The book recently received the Mom's Choice Gold Medal. He resides in Dallas.

Raising caring and kind kids in a day and age where just about anything can be ordered and delivered with the click of a button (or a command) is no easy feat. After all, Alexa might seem generous and all, but she’s not where kids need to look for parental guidance. To help you out, we listed a few tips and tricks that’ll help you turn materialistic tendencies into reflective mindfulness––(really!)—because the earlier you teach your kids to be less self-involved and more generous, the better. Keep reading to see them all.

Plant the Seeds of Generosity at Home

Sarah Jane via Pexels

1. Volunteer. Volunteering teaches your kids that giving to others is an act rather than a concept. There are plenty of actions kids can take to aid in causes such as eliminating world hunger. We even have 12 ways kids can give back without leaving the house. There is always a way to be generous that will improve the lives of others.

2. Read books/watch films that teach kids about other people's experiences. Use bedtime stories to make your kids more aware of the plight of fellow humans. These 11 books will teach kids compassion and empathy while inspiring them to change the world for the better.

3. Share stories about the generosity your family has been shown. This theory suggests that you can teach children to give by telling them how much your family has been given. Explain how the generosity of others has helped you, or how someone's generous spirit has helped your child. Doing so will instill a desire to pay it forward.

4. Write it down. When you record daily gratitude, kids will learn to look for it everywhere, and in turn, share it with others. UC Berkeley's Greater Good magazine suggests having kids "think about three instances from their day—a person, an experience, an event—for which they feel thankful. Tell them to write about the details of what happened and who was involved."

Your Kids Are Watching ... So Lead By Example

Derek Thomson via Unsplash

5. Be generous with your words/kindness/good deeds daily. Every parent knows, our kids imitate our actions. So let them see you help their teacher in the classroom, ask your grocery checker how their day is going, buy the coffee for the person in front of you in line ... there are so many ways to be generous with your spirit––and your kids will grow up wanting to do the same.

6. Set the tone and lead by example.
Kids also study their parents closely to see how mom and dad cope with not getting what they want. Take disappointments and setbacks in stride and be the model of a good example by buying less non-essential items. Shift the focus from material possessions to intangible forms of fulfillment. If you fuss at not getting what you want, or you always have to be on to the next purchase instead of enjoying what you have, that attitude will trickle down to your kids.

7. Broaden their perspective of the world.
Parents tend to protect their young kids in a bubble … and rightly so to an extent. But we can get them beyond their limited perspective by teaching them about people in need, and get them involved by donating time or goods to others. Make soup to deliver to an elderly neighbor. Have them select toys and books they no longer use to donate to kids in shelters. Take a new teddy bear to the local children’s hospital for a suffering child, make no-sew blankets for the homeless. No act of charity is too small.

Curb the Gimmes

Anne Spratt via Unsplash

8. Just say NO, and don’t back down.
Prep your kids in the car before a trip to Target or your shopping destination that you will not be buying them ANY toys or trinkets. Even if they clutch that dollar section gizmo in the cart the entire time, they must put it back before checkout time … tantrum or not. When kids know you stand by your word and you front-load them with this information before your outings, it will help to stop begging and pleading on the fly.

9. Or … hit the pause button on purchases.
If there’s something your kid really wants that will benefit them, then try delayed gratification––a practice that has been proven to make people more successful overall in life. Read about The Marshmallow Experiment conducted on kids in relation to delayed gratification here. Some purchases like a new bicycle or a great book could provide life-changing experiences for kids, but if they’re able to wait to buy these items, even for a short amount of time, the payoff will be greater, and they’ll also learn a valuable life skill.

Limit Consumerism

Sunbae Legacy via Pexels

10. Ask: “Is it a need or a want?”
When your kiddo is having a “gimme” moment, ask him if he “needs” the item in questions or if he “wants” it? He’ll most likely instantly know the difference if you explain that you “need” something to survive. If the item is a want, and you’re okay with buying it, consider saving it for the next holiday gift or having your kid spend their piggy bank money to purchase it.

11. Help kids realize the “rush” of getting new stuff is short-lived.
It’s an epidemic among humans to want more and to experience the temporary excitement of buying new items. But, buying too much stuff doesn’t lead to long-term happiness—in fact, it may have the opposite effect, as clutter and keeping up with the Joneses lead to an endless purchase cycle. Give your kid examples of things they’ve bought that are now relegated to a dark corner of the closet or lost under their bed. A light bulb might go on in their head the next time you mention this during one of their “gimme” moments.

Spend More Time Than Money on Your Kids

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12. Spend more time than money on your kids.
Prioritize love, laughter and shared positive experiences over acquiring belongings. It’s a fact that family vacations can boost a child’s happiness; consider putting the money you’d spend on frivolous purchases into a vacation fund jar instead. If traveling is a stretch, you can also opt for tickets to a concert or play or a trip to get ice cream.

13. Teach kids to split their piggy bank savings in three ways.
Find a three-way piggy bank that has compartments labeled: save, spend and share. When your kids earn chore money or receive birthday or holiday gift money, have them divide it––however it’s fairly agreed upon between parent and kiddo––into the save, spend and share categories. This allows them to be generous with their own “share” money to give to a cause that moves them (ie: buying dog food for shelter animals) or any way they want to help others. Saving money will teach them goal-setting and the value of a dollar, and the money they have left to spend will mean more to them after this division.

Be Mindful of Media Exposure

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14. Monitor, limit and explain media exposure.
Kids are bombarded by advertisements from morning to night. YouTube videos of kids reviewing the latest “must-have” toys, TV commercials, pop-up ads online, social media ads, even branding by sponsors of school-related events. Explain to your kids that ads serve the sole purpose of making you want to buy things, and then don’t let them fall into that trap. Fast forward/skip commercials when possible too.

15. Make thank you cards a habit.
Handwritten thank you notes have become a lost art, which is unfortunate. When kids take a few minutes to reflect upon and acknowledge the kind deed of someone selecting, buying, wrapping and giving them a gift––it teaches them the full circle process of being both a giver and a gracious recipient. It’s hard for a ‘gimme’ attitude to co-exist with a child who has learned to be gracious. You can discover creative ways to say thank you by clicking here.

––Beth Shea

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