Dear Husband,
I. need. more. help.

Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs, and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.

You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still frantically crying. You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed it just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.

I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you can do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening so I can attempt to sleep.

Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?

I know we both watched our parents fulfill the typical mother-father roles growing up. Both our mothers were the primary caretakers and our fathers were relatively hands-off. They were excellent dads, but they weren’t expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding, caring, and tending to the kids. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamics. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from dad was welcome but unexpected.

I see us falling into these family dynamics more and more each day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it, too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth, I want to. No offense, but I’m not sure I want to know what a week’s worth of dinner would look like with you in charge.

I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?

I don’t know.

Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, 30 years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was. Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.

Part of me feels like a failure for even asking. I mean, you do help. You are an amazing father, and you do a great job with the kids. And besides, this should come easy to me, right? Motherly instincts, no?

But I’m human and running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.

In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he goes potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.

At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed, knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care. I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.

On weekends, I need more breaks. Times when I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lie down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.

Lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do. I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I’m at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sports activities. As the mom, it’s assumed I’ll be home all the time and always available to care for the kids while you’re out and I feed that assumption by, well, being home all the time.

I know it’s not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn’t need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I’m waving a white flag and admitting I’m only human. I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.

Because, let’s face it: You need me, too.

This post originally appeared on And What a Mom!

Hi! I’m Celeste. I consider myself a relatively new mom with two boys ages 4 and 2. Other titles I go by include: wife, health & wellness coach, marketing guru, avid reader (self-help books are my favorite), writer, travel/adventure seeker and fitness nut.

Saying thank you to a mail carrier is an easy and thoughtful way to share the holiday spirit with others

Through snow and rain, heat, and gloom of night, your local mail carriers deliver your letters and packages directly to your door (or at least your nearest mailbox). And, during the season of goodwill and cheer, they deserve major props. From mail carrier thank you cards to gifts for mail carriers, here are six ways to thank your mail carrier. The best part? All of these are easy for kids and fun, too (think baking cookies!).

Write a letter!

christmas shipping deadlines for the USPS
USPS

Even if you don't know your mail person by name, you can still address them in a general way, such as  "Our Favorite Mailman" or "Our Faithful Carrier." A simple note that says how much you appreciate the hard work they do (extra cute if your kids can write it out) will go a long way in making your postal worker feel special. Put it in an envelope and use stickers instead of stamps. (After all, they love mail, right?) You can also nab this free, downloadable template if you need a little help!

Make a Thank You Card

rawpixel via Unsplash

As always, a thank you card is a lovely gesture. Let the kids draw a little picture or get creative or use a printable like this one to make a little note to attach to the flag of your mailbox. If you can afford it, add a $10 or $15 gift card for somewhere like Amazon or a nearby coffee shop in the envelope. Be sure and do something OBVIOUS to make it clear it's not a regular piece of mail.

Include a Gift Card

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If you can afford it, add a $10 or $15 gift card to somewhere like Target or a nearby coffee shop with the letter or the card.  Be sure and do something obvious to make it clear it's not a regular piece of mail. Mail carriers are not legally allowed to accept single gifts valued at over $20 so keep that in mind. 

Related: 2022 Christmas Shipping Deadlines for USPS, FedEx, UPS & More

Leave a Thoughtful Gift

wondering how to thank your mail carrier? Leave a gift in the mailbox
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A thoughtful gift (again, under $20) is another simple way to let them know you're thinking of them. Consider things like warm gloves, an insulated mug, cozy socks, or a new water bottle

Bake Something Special

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Leave cookies in the box or on the doorstep with a clearly marked sign. Be sure to seal them in something, even a ziplock or paper bag decorated with stickers works, and attach a note that says thanks! It's a good idea to list the ingredients in case of allergies or food sensitivities.

Say It Out Loud

this is how to thank your mail carrier
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Shout it out! If you're home when the mail comes, be sure to say, "Thank you!" Get the kids in the habit of saying it, too. You can always throw open a window and shout it out. A little gesture of kindness and gratitude like this can go a long way on a long day. 

 

Do you ever wonder how to be a good neighbor? It can be as simple as waving hi, chatting up the family next door, or helping someone out when they need a hand. Remember, it’s never too late to strengthen your bond with the people who live next door, across the street, or at the end of the block. Here are 12 simple ways you and the kids can connect with your neighbors today and every day.

1. Ask them their name. This seems like a no-brainer, but so often we don’t know even know our neighbor’s names!

2. Exchange phone numbers. A simple gesture that says you’re looking out for them.

3. Bake something. The holidays often bring this kind of tradition, but why not invoke it on a random Wednesday? Few people will be disappointed in freshly baked bread, cookies, or other goodies. And everybody loves coffee cake.

4. Plant it. A cutting from your favorite houseplant or a pre-potted begonia: even a small bouquet of flowers is a sweet and inexpensive way to say, “Hey!”

5. Arrange an interview. Use this get-to-know-your-neighbors guide to help your kids interview your neighbors.

6. Make it a double. Next time you’re at the store, grab an extra bar of soap, dishwashing liquid or another cleaning product and gift it to your neighbor. It doesn’t need to be expensive, and keep in mind many people have chemical and scent sensitivities.

7. Make a hello card. Have the kids paint or draw a simple card that just says “Hello, neighbor!”

8. Carry the load. Help unload the trunk of the car or pick up a package from the bottom of the stairs and place it in front of their door.

9. Invite them to dinner. Make dinner at your house or meet them at your favorite place. There are so many options for your comfort level.

10. Do a work exchange. Mow their lawn, shovel their driveway, pull weeds or something similar. Even if you live in an apartment building you can help tidy up communal spaces or carry their recycling down to the street.

11. Organize a pot-luck. If you don’t have the space to do this in your own place, use a nearby park or community center. Make simple invites that you hand-deliver and set a time limit.

12. Start a club. If you share a passion or hobby with your neighbor, do this hobby together or start a group in your community. This could be a book club, knitting club, woodworking club and so on. The options are endless!

—Taylor Clifton, Amber Guetebier

 

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We all know that last year was especially tough on parents—and there’s plenty of hard data to back that up. With Mother’s Day quickly approaching, a new survey found that in light of those challenges, this year’s holiday might be more important than ever.

The research surveyed 2,000 people and found that 65 percent say they view mom as a superhero. The same data showed that on average, individuals missed out on 28 days of in-person time with their moms over the past year due to the pandemic.

 

That’s why the majority will go to great lengths to make the upcoming holiday extra special for mom. Seventy-six percent of respondents said they want their mother to “have the best day ever” after 2020 wreaked havoc on typical plans, 84 percent are more eager to visit their mom on Mother’s Day than ever before and 60 percent cited in-person time with family as the driving force to get vaccinated.

Quality time is the top activity listed for Mother’s Day plans, followed by buying mom flowers, taking her to a nice restaurant, or cooking a meal for her. Other popular gifts include a massage, shopping trip or spa day. All presents will be carefully considered: seven in 10 of those celebrating the holiday emphasized that they need mom to like her gift this year.

The survey was commissioned by Groupon and conducted by OnePoll. Moms will surely love any gesture of appreciation after 60 percent said that 2020 was their most stressful year as a parent! Fortunately, 64 percent of survey respondents said the past year has made them even more appreciative of their own mothers.

––Sarah Shebek

Video courtesy of Groupon and SWNS/Feature photo: arto_cannon/iStock

 

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Mother’s Day Gifts New Moms Really Want & Need

A few years ago, I remember reading an article about Mother’s Day. The writer observed how, instead of a spa day or sleeping in, what she really wanted was a day centered on the motherhood experience. Not the laundry. Not the dishes. Not the perpetually sticky floors. She just wanted to have fun with her kids, no chores attached.

This stuck with me. For all of us who work outside the home, we are used to negotiating our time out of the office. We lock down a certain number of days off before we take a job. We put in requests for PTO around holidays and vacations. But when it comes to motherhood, we’ve somehow drunk the Kool-Aid that we’re supposed to always be on duty.

What if we chose a different path? What if we assumed the role of a benevolent manager to our mom-selves and said, “With this job, you are responsible for a lot of repetitive but important tasks, you get a pension plan of unlimited love and joy, and you’re guaranteed regular days off from the drudgery?” I think we’d be happier parents and people.

Overcoming Your Inner-Overachiever

It can be hard, of course, to check out for the day. I get it. We are programmed to think about how we can multitask better, how we can optimize every minute, how we can be successful at home and at work in half the time. That’s grit. That’s drive. And in so many situations, that’s commendable.

The only problem is, burnout is a very real consequence of that mentality. We owe it to ourselves to step back every now and then to do fun things just for the sake of, you know, fun.

And if you think our COVID-era lifest‌yles preclude everything you’d want to do, think again. This isn’t a call for some grand gesture so much as it is an urging toward intentionally enjoying ourselves now and then for no other purpose than to bring happiness back into our parenting.

Still not convinced? Here are a few doable ideas to get you started:

1. Snuggle In: Even if you can’t sleep in, you can stay in your pj’s all day and watch movies and color together.
2. Bake: Forget pandemic baking. You’re baking for no reason! Cake, bread, whatever your jam is, you’re putting that sucker in the oven. Just. for. fun.
3. Get Outside: No park playdates here! Nope, you’re going on a walk just to feel the sunshine together. (Or, if you’re in Portland, to admire the clouds.) If you can’t completely squelch that overachiever mentality, you’re allowed to pack a picnic. But don’t forget dessert!
4. Bust Out the Boardgames: Even toddlers can hold their own in a game of memory or Candy Land. And that analog-st‌yle fun will bring back your own happy childhood memories.

PTO: APPROVED

So how often should you be doing this? Well, that’s up to you. There are those out there making the case that laziness has certain hidden advantages. (Looking at you, creativity!) I personally find that once a month strikes the balance between doable and rejuvenating. If you can do it once a week, more power to you. If you can’t do it at all, I urge you to reconsider. And, if all else fails, put it on your calendar. You can always schedule the laundry for the next day.

This post originally appeared on Modern Mommy Doc.
Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I'm a pediatrician and a mama mindset expert. I host The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, and am a mom to two young girls in Portland, Oregon. I'm also author of The New Baby Blueprint and The Working Mom Blueprint from the American Academy of Pediatrics. 

Photo: Ali Flynn

When life is filled with ups and downs, hang in there. The blessings of motherhood are within the difficult days, you just have to hold on tight.

When the kids are exhausted after a long day of school and saved all of their pent-up emotions for you, hang in there and find what fills them up and allows comfort to seep back in.

When the kitchen is a complete and utter disaster, with puffy little stars spilled all over the floor, hang in there and create a silly clean-up song, then pick up the mess together.

When the washing machine slows down due to being in overdrive each day, hang in there and take a break from the laundry for a day or two. Trust me, the laundry can wait.

When the day gets away from you and calls and texts not returned, hang in there and know tomorrow you can pick up the phone to reconnect.

When your cup of coffee has a few sips out of it and has been reheated numerous times, hang in there and make yourself a fresh cup.

When school work isn’t coming as easily for your child, hang in there and take some time to work together to find out what is needed to make the process more successful.

When friends don’t understand your exhaustion, hang in there and try to explain your deepest thoughts and what you are struggling with. A good friend will stick around wanting to help and arrive at the door with your favorite cup of coffee.

When making another meal feels like doomsday, hang in there and order take-out or make breakfast for dinner, always a crowd-pleaser.

When you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days, hang in there and rest your eyes while the kiddos have some screen time and let go of the guilt around taking a break.

When the kids aren’t getting along and the world feels as if it is spinning all around you, hang in there and share with them your concerns and what needs to change.

When the dishes keep piling up all around you, hang in there and ask for an extra helping hand.

When your hair looks oddly good for not being washed for a few days, hang in there and embrace it while you can.

When you miss the carefree days before children, hang in there and relish in the past memories but then look around at the blessings gracing your home today.

When you feel crushed by emotions, hang in there and find the key to your happiness and what works for you to not feel overwhelmed.

When a simple gesture of love emerges and graces you with the gift of knowing you are doing a good job, hang in there and soak it all in.

When you don’t understand why another eye roll came your way, hang in there and know this too shall pass.

When doors are closed more than open and your teen only appears for food, hang in there and accept the hibernation phase will end and your beautiful teen will emerge.

When a smile appears, along with a giggle, after a hard day, hang in there and let it wash over you, filling you up.

When you feel alone, even though the house is full, hang in there and look for the ways you need to fill up your cup. You are the only one who can do this.

When life throws unannounced curveballs, hang in there and find the message and lesson within it to then move forward.

When hugs come your way at exactly the right moment, hang in there and hold on tight.

When you feel lost and need to be found again, hang in there and know life ebbs and flows but you will be found once again.

Hang in there mama…all of this comes and goes in fleeting moments.

We may feel these moments are taking over us, but with time they fade into memories.

Stay strong and know this motherhood gig is hard, really hard, but you are rockin’ it!

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama by Ali Flynn.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

Photo: Catherine Myman Kaplan

There are times when parenthood can seem terribly isolating. Moments where you feel all alone, hoping for a sign or gesture from other parents that you are not by yourself in this, that someone else understands. 

We have all been there. You are in public, your child is fine, the day so far has been uneventful when suddenly a tantrum unlike any other erupts. It could be anything, a sibling breathed on them wrong, you won’t buy them something totally impractical and ridiculously expensive, but now you’ve got to cope with the aftermath. 

Not only do you have to calm down a child who is yelling, crying, and doing that thing with their bodies that only toddlers can do where their bodies manage to be both stiff as a piece of cardboard and as limp as an overcooked noodle but you have to somehow pull off this challenging feat in the presence of strangers. 

Strangers that undoubtedly are judging your parenting skills and finding you lacking, otherwise why would your child be screaming like a banshee? Of course, we’ve been in the flip position too, watching a parent struggle with a child. We know how she feels, and you wish you could let her know she isn’t being judged. That we know she loves her child, even when they are behaving like a crazy beast. That we consider her a good parent having a rough time. 

Maybe we should all come up with some sort of worldwide hand signal that we can flash to other parents to show support and solidarity. Or maybe just give a sympathetic smile and offer a hand. And know that we’ve been there and will most likely be there again.

Catherine Myman Kaplan
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Catherine lives with her husband, two daughters, and rescue dog. She can usually be found reading, compulsively volunteering at her daughters' schools, or glaring at an ever growing mountain of laundry. 

You’ve taught your little ones their ABC’s, their 123’s and so many important life skills. One more lesson we all want our kids to learn: kindness. October is National Bullying Prevention Month, which is why we’ve teamed up with Google’s Be Internet Awesome program to share how you can help your kids learn that it’s cool to be kind on the web and in the real world! Read on for five easy ways to teach your kids the power of kindness this month.

Get Crafty

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A big part of kindness is being appreciative of others, and letting them know through words and actions. Help your kids learn about appreciating others by breaking out the craft supplies and creating homemade thank you cards! Ask them who they want to make a thank you card for and why they want to thank that person to help them put extra thought behind their kind actions.

Be Internet Awesome

So much of our kid's communication is digital, which is why it's critical for kids to learn about being kind and positive online! Be Internet Awesome is Google's free program that helps teach kids to be positive digital citizens and how to be safer and smarter online. The program includes a fun web game, Interland, guides and tips for families and a curriculum for teachers. Kick off conversations about kindness at home with a little fun by diving into Interland’s Kind Kingdom game that focuses on kindness!

Read All About It

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Reading is a great way for kids (and adults!) to expand their worldview, put themselves in other people's shoes and learn life lessons. We've rounded up a few of our favorite books that focus on bullying and bullying prevention here, with options from kids picture books to chapter books for more advanced readers. For kids who are reading on their own, set aside some time to talk about the book—asking if they learned anything or what they would do in the situations the characters encounter!

Create a Kindness Chain

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Kindness doesn't have to be a big gesture, it's all about the small thoughtful moments! For National Bullying Prevention Month, Google's Be Internet Awesome program is encouraging families to come together to create a paper kindness chain. Cut paper into strips, write a kind action for on or offline on each one and staple each piece of paper end-to-end to make a chain. Each day, remove a link from the chain and challenge your family to complete that act of kindness! Stuck on ideas? We've got 95 random acts of kindness to get your creative juices flowing!

Give Back

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Giving back to others helps kids learn to think of people outside of their family and close friends! There are tons of family-friendly volunteer activities you can do without even leaving the house, including donating used toys or making no-sew dog toys for your local animal shelter.

Be Internet Awesome is a free resource that gives families the tools they need to build safer and healthier online habits. Learn more about Be Internet Awesome here!

In 1989 my parents made a VHS recording of Into the Woods when the B’way show aired on PBS. That tape must have been made of strong stuff since I probably watched scores of times. I knew all the words, made up secret handshakes with my best friend to the Sondheim lyrics and dressed as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween for three consecutive years, totally inspired by that show.

But it wasn’t until I became a mom that I understood the “Children Will Listen” song that the Witch sings about her daughter, Rapunzel.  When I recently directed a group of kids in the Broadway Jr version, these lyrics cut me to the quick. The kids stood out simply and sang:

Careful the things you say

Children will listen

Careful the things you do

Children will see and learn

Children may not obey, but children will listen

Children will look to you for which way to turn

To learn what to be

Careful before you say “Listen to me”

Sondheim was wise.  

“Listening” is one of those words that actors and acting teachers care a great deal about. When we really listen instead of planning what we are going to do on stage or in front of the camera, we can have authentic reactions. Why is it so hard to do this? Possibly because we don’t actually listen enough in our real life?  

So what if we take words out of the equation. Can we listen to our kids, without language? Can we create a meaningful and intimate conversation where we are giving and receiving information but no words are exchanged? Where listening is with our body and our heart? Where talking is through gesture and emotion?

I want Nathaniel to know that I hear him – to feel like I get what he is giving me. And in turn, I know that he will listen, like the lyrics say. So what can I give him to listen to that is simple, truthful and filled with love?

Here’s the game for that: Magic Mirror

Mirrors are portals to the fantasy world—as in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass. They can also be portentous instruments of information as in Snow White or Beauty and the Beast.  It isn’t hard to convince your child to play a Magical Mirror game.

Explain to your child that they get to do whatever they like and the Mirror (you) will follow them. The goal is not to leave the mirror behind so you have to go really slowly – slower than you normally would to do an activity.

Use this as a way to connect with your child when the incessant stream of language is overwhelming, when you hear yourself talking too much or when you just want a new way to bond. 

I’d love to hear about your experience playing Magic Mirror—so chime in below and tell us how you did it!

 

 

This post originally appeared on Child's Play In Action.

Jocelyn Greene is a Brooklyn based educator, director and mom.  With her company, Child's Play NY, she teaches hundreds of kids a year and is equally joyous adapting fairytales for 4s as she is staging Shakespaere with the teens. Check out http://www.childsplayinaction.com/ for video tutorials on game-based play to do at home! 

It’s been almost a year since Universal Studios announced that it will be adding a The Secret Life of Pets ride to it’s Los Angeles theme park, and the wait is almost over! The new attraction, which boasts 64 animated figures is set to open to guests on Mar. 27.

Based on the 2016 hit film, The Secret Life of Pets ride will take visitors along for the adventure with a group of pets hoping to get adopted into their fur-ever homes. Alongside Max, Snowball, Gidget, Chloe and Duke, and some other animal friends, riders will assume the role of stray puppies as they zip along a track headed for the ultimate destination: a Pet Adoption event.

The Secret Life of Pets: Off the Leash! will combine live, dimensional and animated characters with hyper-realistic media as guests on board the ride vehicles are transported through the streets of New York City, hitting a variety of obstacles on their way to being adopted.

The state-of-the-art ride will showcase optical enhanced gesture-tracking technology. Guests have the option to be transformed into a stray puppy for the duration of the ride––a truly unique experience each and every time they ride.

The new ride will be situated next to the “Despicable Me Minion Mayhem” and “Super Silly Fun Land” attractions.

—Shahrzad Warkentin & Karly Wood

Featured photo: Illumination via YouTube

 

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