Yes, dad jokes for kids are a little silly, but also a lot of fun

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. (Har har!). You’ve cringed, laughed, and even been known to repeat them on occasion. The good news is that kids get a real kick out of them. Once you’re done with these cheesy dad jokes, try out the best jokes for kids, jokes that are good for school kids, and riddles that’ll keep the kids puzzled.

Typical Dad Jokes for Kids

father and son laughing at dad jokes for kids
iStock

-I used to hate the hokey pokey, but I really turned myself around. 

-Is the refrigerator running? Better go catch it! 

(yeah, that one hurt us, too...)

-Why did the bicycle keep falling over?

It was two tired. 

-What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?

A faux pa. 

-Dad: I told my kids to embrace their mistakes, then they hugged me. 

-I entered a pun contest. I submitted 10 of my best puns to see if any would be a win.

-Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks. 

-What’s the secret to a good elevator pitch?

It has to work on many levels. 

-Want to hear a long joke?

Jooooooooooooooke. 

-What does a house always wear to a party?

Address. 

-Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau just threw microphones into the sea. Guess it’s true that great mimes sink a mic.

-Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?

People are just dying to get in. 

-Kid: I’ll call you later! 

Dad: Just call me Dad! 

-When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When the punch line becomes apparent. 

-This pencil has two erasers. It’s totally pointless. 

Food-Related Dad Jokes for Kids

two dads laughing at dad jokes for kids
iStock

-What kind of drink is bittersweet?

Reali-tea

-What do the royals put on their pancakes?

Sir Up. 

-My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?" 

Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad. 

-Dad: Did you hear the butter rumor? Well, I'm not going to spread it.

-Why Did the vegetable call the plumber?

It had a leek.

-What do you get when you coddle a cow? 

Spoiled milk. 

-Dad: Another word of caution. Never tell secrets near a cornfield. They’re all ears.

-How many apples are growing on that tree?

All of them. 

-Why did the man buy so much yogurt? 

To get cultured.

-Time to take this cookie to the hospital! It’s feeling crummy.

-Evaporated milk is confusing. There's so much liquid in it. 

-Dad to kid: Where are French fries from? 

Kid: France?

Dad to kid: Greece! 

-Dad to kids at dinner: I would tell you my pizza joke but it’s just too cheesy. 

-What do you call a band of berries playing music?

A jam session.

-How do you fix a broken tomato?

With tomato paste.

Science Dad Jokes for Kids

silly dad and son making faces
iStock

-“Kara, on average, how far can a dog run into the woods?”

"Gee, Grand Dad, I don’t know.”

“Half way. After that, the dog is running out of the woods.”

—Grand Dad jokes 49-52 submitted by our hilarious reader Dave

-Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?

They're full of anti-bodies. 

-I can't find the U-Cut tree farm. I'm completely stumped. 

-Doctor, doctor, I'm terrified of squirrels! 

[Doctor] You must be nuts. 

—Jerry C., faithful reader 

-Dad: This book about how Newton discovered gravity is so good! I just can’t put it down. 

-What do you call a fish with four eyes?

Fiiiish!

-Why doesn’t a photon need a suitcase?

Because it’s traveling light. 

-Dad to kid (in a serious voice): A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms. They make up everything. 

-How does a musician win a fight?

They call for Bach up.

-Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad?? 

Dad: I needed an expert's advice. 

-Dad: I am giving away all my batteries...free of charge! 

-How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses? 

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space. 

Body-Related Dad Jokes

silly dad and daughter
iStock

-How do you make a Kleenex dance? 

Put a little boogie in it! 

-“You have a hole in your sock, Jack.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure you do.  That’s how you got your foot in it.”

-"Wow! Chase, you sure got tall. I hope you don’t grow another foot.” 

“Why not Grand Dad?” 

“Because if you do, Mommy will need to buy you a third sneaker.”

-"Grand Dad, you look pretty sharp.  Where did you get your haircut?”

“On my head, Shane.”

-Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower! 

-Kid: Dad, did you get a haircut?

Dad: No, I got them all cut. 

-Dad: I never thought I’d be the type to have a beard. But then it just grew on me. 

Kids: What?? Why not?

Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera. 

Kids: GROAN!!!!! 

-Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.

Dad: Then don’t move your arm like that. 

-Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin. 

-What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows. 

-Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?

He burped 7-Up. 

-Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?

Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty. 

-What do you call a 12-inch nose?

A foot. 

-Dad, can you put my shoes on?

"Nope. They are too small for my feet."

 

 

The warm weather is finally here, and you know what that means: It’s time to pull out all your backyard hacks because the kids can go outside to play! Think of all the raisins and Cheerios that won’t be all over your carpeting—the spills, the scuffs, and the accidents which won’t be on your couch.

Packing up and going to the park is fun for the kids, but not always practical for you. Depending on the ages and interest levels of your children, going to the park can require an unlikely consensus, as well as a lot of gear you will likely only need if you don’t pack it.

It would be ideal if you could just send them outside in your backyard and let them have at it while you work on preparing dinner, cleaning up after the last meal, or getting some work done.

It doesn’t take a lot of space to make your backyard fun—just some planning and implementation. You can’t do it all, but you can do quite a bit with some simple changes. Work with what you have and try to make your backyard the best place for your kids to play this summer.

Organize a Treasure Hunt

Use some of the toys you have been stepping on inside your house as hidden treasures in a backyard scavenger hunt. Make this event big or small, depending on how many children you have or how many neighbor kids you have hanging around your house.

Hide the toys in places that are easy or challenging to find, depending on how busy or frustrated you want your children to be. Everyone can be a winner. Award them with a healthy snack or treat them to cookies and milk. Discuss the hunt and come up with new backyard games you can play.

Create an Obstacle Course

For older children who have some athletic ability, set up an obstacle course and have them compete to see who can complete it the fastest. Have them jump through hula hoops, duck under rope barriers and crawl through empty boxes. Use what you have around the house or in the garage. Just make sure the items are clean and nontoxic.

Prepare for arguments about who won the event, who cheated, and what was and was not fair about the obstacle course. It’s all part of the fun.

Set Up a Playset

Who needs the park when you can build your mini-park in your backyard? Playsets provide many activities in one connected structure. You can have a swing set, slides, climbing walls, forts, rope swings, or any number of attachments.

Pick out which activities suit your children’s desires and abilities, but make sure to account for the future. They grow up fast and will outgrow a playset designed only for toddlers. You don’t want to have to buy another playset in only a few years.

Get bucket swings for babies and toddlers, but use regular swings for school-aged children. Attach a tunnel the kids can run through and hide in. It’s up to you, but realize you can always add on and remove pieces as your children grow older.

Add a Sandbox

A sandbox is so much fun for kids, whether it is a standalone structure or a part of a playset. You can construct them from simple wooden boards or purchase specially designed sandboxes that look like colorful animals, cars, or spaceships.

Most home improvement stores sell sand designated for play, which is inexpensive and clean. Add a set of beach buckets and shovels, toy trucks, and any household containers, and your children will stay busy for hours.

Give Them a Chalkboard

If you have some wall space, even if it’s on a fence, give your kids a chalkboard to write on. Chalk is cheap, and kids love coloring with it. Pus, giving them a chalkboard means less chalk on your house or garage.

Tack up a chalkboard or buy chalkboard tiles sold in home improvement stores. Provide a bucket or other container for the chalk, so you don’t end up mowing over chalk chunks every week. Your kids can use chalk to make hopscotch boards, tic-tac-toe games, or for artistic endeavors. When they’re finished playing, you can easily wipe or sweep the chalk off, or you can wait for the rain to clear the boards and force your children to start over.

Build a Tree Fort

If you have trees, you can make your kids a tree fort. It can be simple — a few boards designating an area, or an elaborate dwelling built high above. It all depends on your budget, your intentions, and your abilities.

Take your children’s age into consideration before constructing a tree fort. Also, if you are concerned about their safety, start with a fort near a tree, not in a tree. They will enjoy this just as much, and you won’t have to worry about falls.

Attach a Tire Swing

Instead of a fort, you can use your tree’s limbs to attach a tire swing. Your kids won’t ever tire of a tire swing, although you may get sick of constantly pushing them. You can repurpose tires from areas where they litter a neighborhood or use your old car tires after you’ve purchased new ones for your vehicle.

Use sturdy nylon rope to attach the tire to your tree. Make sure the arc of the swing does not allow your children to smash into the house, other trees, and structures, or your neighbors’ property.

Whatever kind of backyard you have, make it the most fun backyard for your kids to play in. Use some of these ideas or come up with new ones of your own. Ask your children to help brainstorm. They won’t disappoint you with how creative they can be, even if their ideas may be unrealistic. You may not be able to dig an underground tunnel to their friend’s house, but you will find ways to make their backyard the best place to play this summer. Slather them in sunscreen and turn them outside for summertime fun they’ll never forget!

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

 

The CDC is reporting higher than normal flu activity, and although February is typically peak flu season, they predict it will continue to be elevated for several weeks.

With all the media focus on the Omicron variant, I have had a lot of parents reaching out wanting to know if it is too late for a flu shot. As a pediatrician, I know the importance of protecting ourselves against influenza, but as a mother, I dread the tears and drama from vaccinations. Of course, if we are going to put our children and ourselves through the stress of “the flu shot” we want to know—is it worth it?

It has been reported that the flu vaccine is only 30% effective against the flu, with such low efficiency, is it even worth putting my child through a flu shot?

I believe that some protection is better than no protection. Influenza is most dangerous for the younger population and the elderly. There are many dangerous and even fatal complications from the influenza virus, so getting your child vaccinated is the best way to protect them from getting the flu, or to help lessen the severity of the flu symptoms.

Does the flu vaccine protect against H3N2?

During the last flu seasons, it was determined that the flu vaccine’s effectiveness against the H3N2 strain was approximately 32%. However, this year’s vaccine has been found to be a mismatch for the H3N2 strain, meaning it’s much less effective than in prior years. Nevertheless, getting the flu shot means you’ll be less likely to become seriously ill.

Is it too late to get the flu vaccine?

No, not at all. It takes an average of two weeks for the flu vaccine to become effective. Even though flu season is estimated to peak in late January, flu season is not officially over until May. Getting your child vaccinated now will help protect them against the flu season’s second peak in early spring.

Is there a vaccine in the form of a nasal spray?

Unfortunately, the CDC found that the nasal spray didn’t prevent cases of the flu between 2013 and 2016. Therefore, it is no longer recommended or available in the form of a nasal spray.

If my child is allergic to eggs, can he still get the influenza vaccine?

Health experts say that the amount of egg allergen in the vaccine is so tiny that it is safe even for kids with a severe egg allergy. I recommend that if your child has an egg allergy, you should get the flu shot in a doctor’s office with appropriate supervision, not at a supermarket or drugstore.

Here are five things parents need to know before their child gets a flu shot:

  1. Flu Shots for Babies: Children under the age of 6 months can not get the flu shot, however, they have the highest risk of complications if they get sick with the flu. So, if you have other children in the house that go to school, it is imperative you get them vaccinated to prevent them from giving it to your infant. In addition, research shows that infants get some protection from the flu if their mothers get a flu shot while they are pregnant.
  2. Multiple Doses: If your child has never gotten the flu shot before and is under the age of nine, they are going to need to receive two separate shots of the vaccine.
  3. Call Ahead: If you going to go to your pediatrician to get the flu shot, call ahead and see if you can make a nursing appointment, or make your appointment the first available appointment of the day. I can’t tell you how many children go to the doctor to get their flu shot and catch something else while they are waiting to be seen.
  4. Your Child Can Still Get the Flu: Depending upon the vaccine you are giving, you are protected against 3 to 4 strains of the influenza virus. Therefore, although the vaccine lowers your chance of getting the virus and probably lessens the severity of the symptoms, it does not guarantee that you will not get the flu. If your child has gotten the flu shot, but still shows symptoms of the flu, have them evaluated by their pediatrician.
  5. The Unavoidable Ouchie: The injection itself can cause a lot of tenderness to the area where the shot was given. You can lightly massage the area for an hour after the injection. It significantly decreases the pain to that area.  Also, don’t be too alarmed: your child might experience mild flu-like symptoms after receiving the vaccination.

I hope this helps you as you brave what’s shaping up to be a historic flu season.

(And as always, check with your own healthcare provider before taking any medical advice you might read here.)

 

 

RELATED STORIES:

Twindemic Tips: How to Handle the Winter Flu & COVID

14 Mom-Tested Home Remedies to Fight Colds & Flu

I Think My Kid Has the Flu—Now What?

 

Dr. Katie Friedman
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

My name is Dr. Katie Friedman and I am a board certified pediatrician, wife, mother of two and a sister to three siblings. Along with my sisters, I co-founded Forever Freckled, a website dedicated to helping people with pets, children and everyday lifest‌yle. Come join us in our journey! 

 

 

 

Photo: Lingokids

The academic journal, Science, recently published a study that shows children today will live through three times as many climate disasters as their grandparents. With people around the world concerned about the current climate crisis, it’s more important than ever to have talks with your children about what global warming is and how to slow it down.

Helping Kids Understand the Climate Emergency
How do we help our children learn that they can take part in helping slow down climate change? We need to emphasize that small actions can lead to big changes.

First, it’s important to explain to them what climate change is and how it can negatively impact the earth, animals, plants, and our daily lives. This isn’t the easiest thing to do, since even as adults, we struggle to understand what climate change and global warming truly means. Conversations about energy sources and carbon dioxide emissions can be overwhelming to children. Instead, we need to talk about concepts and ideas that are familiar and relatable.

For example, you can talk about global warming in relation to how it affects polar bears. The glacial areas where polar bears live are melting away and getting too warm, making it harder for them to thrive. (The temperature has increased 1.9ºF in the past 100 years, according to NASA, and it will be 8.6ºF hotter by 2100.)

Another example is talking about the rise of ocean waters from the melting ice, which can affect coastal areas where people live or go on vacation. Or pollution occuring in the ocean because of people not recycling is another topic that can be talked about. There is so much trash in the oceans that it is making the animals and plants that live in it get sick. If we recycle, it can help with the amount of trash that enters our oceans.

There are lots of books that can help explain climate change and what we all can do to help. For example: Old Enough to Save the Planet or The Story of Climate Change are great options. You can also teach your children about young environmental activists like Greta Thunberg, who started the international movement #fridaysforfuture.

10 Steps Children and Their Parents Can Do to Help the Environment

Modeling behavior is key. Be the example to your children and show them one person can make a big difference with these easy to do examples:

  1. Turn off computers, televisions, and other devices when not in use.

  2. Save water by taking shorter showers and turning off the water when brushing your teeth.

  3. Use reusable food containers and water bottles at school instead of plastic ones that are used once and thrown away. Let your kids pick out their own special containers and bottles to pack for school.

  4. Turn off the lights after leaving a room. Open a window in the morning to let in colder air instead of turning on the a/c. During colder months, wear warmer clothing and pajamas instead of turning up the heater. Power plants emit a lot of air pollution, so cutting back our energy usage is important.

  5. Recycle. Make it a fun activity for kids by having different colored bins for the different items and make it part of their daily activities.

  6. Reuse. Find items in your recycling bins that can be repurposed for crafts or imaginative play.

  7. Walk or ride a bike instead of driving. It’s a great way to save on gas, get exercise and spend time as a family.

  8. Create a vegetable garden together to help everyone be more excited to eat more vegetables and less meat. #meatlessMonday

  9. Teach them to always put their trash in trash cans or recycling bins. Go for a walk in a neighborhood park or beach and pick up any trash you see! Make it a fun competition and see who can collect the most!

  10. Use cold water when washing laundry and hang dry your clothes instead of using the dryer to save energy.

Encourage your children to have these conversations with their classmates and teachers. Have them ask their teacher what they can do at school to help make it part of their daily activities. Always emphasize and praise that their small contributions can lead to big changes that are beneficial for our world.

How Can Lingokids Help Your Kids Understand the Climate Catastrophe
At Lingokids, we firmly believe that children learn by example. We want to make a difference and help you raise the children of the future. For example: improving upon their critical thinking about important issues like climate change or their creativity when it comes to thinking about how they can help their neighborhoods.

At Lingokids you can find entire in-game lessons that are focused on protecting the earth. Your child can enjoy games, songs, and traceables while learning about recycling and sustainable habits. Throughout the app, they can also learn about animals and ecosystems all over the world, from the North Pole to tropical rainforests.

By expanding children’s awareness of these environments at an early age, we can set the stage for conversations and then actions around protecting endangered animals and nature conservation.

Sara Mateos-Aparicio
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Sara Mateos-Aparicio is the Communications Manager at Lingokids, an early childhood education platform. Sara studied Journalism in Madrid, writing for years for radio stations and print magazines. Sara has worked for a variety of education startups, most recently joining Lingokids in 2019 to lead their communications initiatives.

Moms are superheroes. They cook, clean, remember appointments, schedule playdates and delegate chores. They are only human, though, and sometimes they may forget things. Trying to juggle all your kids’ responsibilities, your obligations, your home life and potentially your career can push all other thoughts out of your mind. However, just because you’re doing so many things for others doesn’t mean you deserve less than that for yourself.

Less than 50% of moms would rate themselves as doing a spectacular job at motherhood, whether they have jobs or stay at home. While you’re looking after everyone else, you can still take small steps toward improving your own life, bit by bit.

1. Schedule Your Appointments
With all of your kids running around, it might be difficult for you to remember that you have appointments, too. Your health is important and shouldn’t be neglected. Just as you take care of your kids, you must take care of yourself, too.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you’re managing too many appointments at once. If you schedule everything for one day of the week, you might find it easier to keep up with them. You might have to take your child to the doctor one day, and the following week, it’s your turn.

Those weeks you might have off could be dedicated to catching up on social appointments. When’s the last time you got together with a friend? Just as your kids should have time with other children, you also need to socialize.

2. Budget for the Best Future
As difficult as it is to think about, you need to ensure your kids have the best future, no matter what happens. Before they’re born, you might want to set up a fund that can be used for college or another route after they graduate from high school. If you already have children, planning your will clearly and concisely will go a long way to making sure they’re protected.

3. Eat Healthy
Another part of taking care of yourself, your partner and your children is to prepare quality food that adds nutrients to your diet. It might be easier to go to a fast-food restaurant, but cooking allows you to teach your kids new recipes and give them more autonomy by allowing them to help with the little things.

If grocery trips are overwhelming, plan your meals ahead of time. With kids tagging along and asking to add multiple snacks to the cart, it’s hard to keep your mind on what staples you should add to your pantry. Being prepared prevents you from running into that issue because you’ll have a list. That way, you can quickly go through the aisles and keep track of what you pick up while also allowing a little room in your budget for your child’s favorite treat.

4. Set Goals for Yourself
Whether you have a full-time job or are a stay-at-home mom, you should have personal and professional goals for yourself. You must know yourself well and select specific objectives that don’t leave room for interpretation. By choosing these goals and writing them down, you’re committing yourself to be the best you can be—as a partner, a working professional and a mom.

Keeping your objectives in your mind will allow you to move forward with intention and grace. Every step you take will lead you closer to achieving the realistic and attainable goals you set for yourself.

5. Make Time for Self-Care
Who’s going to look after you and everyone else when you get sick or need some me-time? If you allow yourself to be run down, your daily home life will be disrupted. That isn’t to say you don’t deserve time to yourself—quite the opposite. Taking a break means you won’t hit a brick wall mentally or emotionally. It means your household will continue operating at a steady pace without you.

Basic self-care is essential. As a hardworking mom, you should allow yourself luxuries beyond that. Ask your partner to watch the kids while you get a massage or go out shopping with friends. After everything you do, you’ve earned a break.

6. Cherish the Memories
Your kids are only little once. Since time travel isn’t possible, every moment you spend with your family should be treasured, no matter what it is.

Even if you experience some setbacks in your day, one negative moment means nothing in the long run. Focus on the positives in your day-to-day life, and find things to be grateful for from the second you wake up to the time you go to bed. Changing your mindset to be more positive while allowing yourself to feel the negative emotions will make you a happier person overall.

You’re human, so you’re bound to make mistakes. Nobody expects you to be the perfect mother, and it’s OK to lose track of things now and then. As long as you center and take care of yourself, you’ll be well-equipped to look after the people you love, too.

RELATED STORIES:
9 Self-Care Ideas for Moms
Prioritizing Self Care as a Mom
Simple Things to Do Every Day That Actually Help You Stay Healthy

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

Parenting is hard. If I had to go back and tell my pre-parent self anything about parenting it would be that it is so freaking hard. It’s also incredibly gross and unbelievably exhausting. I’ve been a parent for over 17 years and I’ve definitely had my share of “OMG did that really just happen?” parenting moments.

Here are my top three:

1. The time my entire family had a stomach virus.
One winter my oldest daughter (who was about 18 months old) started vomiting. I’ve been through several stages of parenting and the worst time to have a child vomit is when she’s a toddler. They always cry, vomit right where they may be standing, and get it all over every piece of clothing and strand of hair they may have, every time. By day two, my husband had begun to vomit as well. This of course sent him straight to bed moaning that he was going to die. I, of course, kept managing our little one, trying to keep her fever down as well as any fluids.

On day three I began get sick. I was violently ill and I had a very sick toddler. She would vomit, I would vomit right along with her and then I would clean it all up. By day four I decided that she needed to be seen by a doctor. It was Sunday so I was told to take her to the ER at our local children’s hospital. My husband was functional by this point and he drove us. My poor little baby was so hot with fever and so limp from dehydration I barely acknowledged my own sickness at this point. They took one look at her and pulled her into triage to give her an IV and get the fluids going. After what seemed like hours, our pediatrician found us. After checking on my improving baby she took a hard look at me. “Have you talked to your OB this week?” Um, no. Why?. “Well, you’re pregnant, have a fever, and I doubt you’ve eaten or drank much of anything for a few days.” Oh yeah, I thought. I’m pregnant. I truly and honestly had forgotten.

2. The time we got “The Lice.”
Yes, a case of lice is as awful as you can imagine. Yep, I never thought it could happen to me. I have three daughters with long hair. Enough said, right? After several weeks of constant laundry, combing, and crying I finally admitted defeat to the little jerks and dragged us all into one of those places that looks like a hair salon but is actually filled with lovely people picking dozens of bugs and eggs out of children’s hair at the cost of hundreds of dollars. It’s worth every cent. Take away? Hugs spread bugs (and little girls LOVE to hug each other). Also, keep your kids a little dirty because lice LOVE clean hair. It’s been several years and I still don’t have the emotional strength to rehash any more of this particular saga. Maybe someday…once the involuntary shivers at the sight of anything brown on my kids’ scalps stop.

3. The time my daughter threw up chicken nuggets in the car 30 minutes into a five-hour drive.
One weekend, my family decided to head to Washington, DC for a long weekend. We decided to leave Friday night hoping the kids would sleep for most of the trip. After my husband got home from work we packed the car, put the kids in pajamas, grabbed fast food for dinner, and got on the road. It quickly got dark as the kids happily munched on their dinners. Then we hit a part of the highway that winds around extreme curves. Now imagine my children in the back of my car, in the pitch dark (no lights on this highway) as the car rocks back and forth on these curves. Disaster. My youngest daughter quietly said, “Mommy…I don’t feel well” before enacting a scene from the exorcist all over herself, her beloved Elmo doll, her carseat, and the floor around her carseat.

My husband took the nearest exit which happened to be a rest area. I then spent the next twenty minutes cleaning up my kid, her items, and her entire side of the car with the very few napkins we happened to find in the glove compartment because this rest area was “green” and there was not one freaking paper towel or napkin in the entire place. Not one. I ended up washing Elmo off in the sink and then dried him under the hand dryer. I did the same with my daughter’s clothes since the back of the car was packed so tightly I couldn’t get to the suitcase with her spare clothes in it. I dumped her back into her carseat and we got back on the road. Oh…the smell. With every mile we traveled that night the smell of the vomit seemed to get stronger. Since it was February, opening the windows for any length of time froze us solid. My older kids gagged and whined. The baby slept soundly. We finally arrived at our hotel around midnight and neither my husband nor I wanted to even think about dealing with the residual vomit in the car. I’ll let you imagine what we faced (and smelled) in our car come morning. Our first stop on our lovely weekend away was a local grocery store to purchase Lysol wipes and air freshener. I also had to hunt down the hotel’s laundry room to deal with her vomit encrusted coat.

So there you have it. Parenting is messy, exhausting, and filled with unexpected mishaps. I’ve realized that finding a way to laugh through some of it is the best way to manage. In the end I think I’m stronger for it (at least my stomach is) and they are most definitely worth it.

 

I am a certified speech-language pathologist working with teenagers by day, a mother to three daughters (two teenagers and one almost teen) day and night, and a writer sharing my thoughts, fears, wishes, and experiences any spare moment I can find. I love my children, my husband, and the ocean. 

Mom life can cause a lot of stress. Between being the amazing carer you are for your kids every hour of the day and making time to care for your own needs, things can get a little more than hectic. Just like any job or role in life, being a mom can come with some serious stress. In fact, moms tend to be more stressed than dads or other parents on average—though dad stress is totally real, too. While there are many reasons why this might be, getting to the root of the stress is what really makes a difference to many stressed-out moms.

It’s no secret that stress can have a negative impact on your health and happiness. People with high-stress careers tend to have higher rates of related health complications and even lower quality of life in some cases. By eliminating stress — or working to get it in check at the very least — you can cultivate a longer, happier, healthier life for you to enjoy with your family. Here are just a few reasons why it’s important to keep your stress in check as a mom.

1. For Your Heart
Your heart is directly related to your stress levels. Issues like high blood pressure and heart complications occur much more often in those with issues related to stress. Especially if heart problems run in your family, keeping your stress at bay can be a literal lifesaver.

2. For Your Immune System
Stress can wear down your immunity, which not only means that you’re more likely to get sick, but it also means that you’re more likely to bring something home to your partner, parents, or kiddos. Infections, colds, illnesses, and even injuries taking longer to heal are all a result of weakened immunity, and stress can be a large contributor to that.

3. For Your Oral Health
Being stressed out can have an impact on your teeth and gums! To start, stress can impact your gut microbiome, which is connected to your mouth. But additionally, stress can cause you to grind your teeth both at night and during the day, which can cause jaw pain and other oral health complications. Releasing your muscles and being mindful of physical manifestations of stress can help keep this at bay, especially if you know yourself to be a grinder.

4. For Your Happiness
While this one might be obvious, it’s always worth the reminder that you deserve to be happy and live a happy life. When you reduce stress, you leave more room for enjoyment and happiness to come into your existence, and that’s something worth making the effort for.

5. For Your Kids
Of course, you already do so much for your kids, and all of that deserves abundant appreciation! But one thing you may want to think about is the example you’re setting when they see you getting stressed out. De-stressing is a great way to lead by example and show your kids that life isn’t stressful. That way, you can all lead calmer, more peaceful lives in your household.

6. For Your Friends
Well, this one might be for you, too, but it certainly involves your friends and loved ones. Those who care about you want to see you happy, which is a given. Therefore, making time for friends and acquaintances that bring you joy can not only work to reduce your stress, but it works the other way around, too. Reducing your stress allows you to be there for your friends and have more fulfilling relationships with those you care about.

7. For Your Mental Wellness
While it’s true that everyone experiences stress, excessive or prolonged stress can cause—or contribute to—conditions like anxiety and depression. If you tend to notice yourself feeling anxious and depressed, or you already struggle with those conditions, keeping your stress in check is especially important.

8. For Your Life Goals
When you’re under daily stress, your long term goals, projects, and ambitions can sometimes feel overwhelming and even no longer worthwhile. By keeping your stress levels in check, you can keep your own goals in mind and do what is best for you no matter what’s going on around you.

9. For Those Aches & Pains
There are a million things in this world that can make you feel achy and creaky, and unfortunately, stress is one of them. Stress can exacerbate neck and back pain, joint pain, muscle soreness, and even headaches and migraines. The body and mind are connected, which means allowing yourself to relax can have a direct impact on how you feel in your body.

Mom stress is the real deal and can take a serious toll, that’s why it’s important to remember your needs and check-in with yourself. Stressing out can have a bigger impact than you may realize on your body, mind, and family. While everyone experiences stress in different ways, excessive stress isn’t good for you and should be avoided, especially if you notice it starting to impact your life negatively. What’s your favorite way to de-stress?

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

Photo: Susbany via Pixabay

I don’t hate my husband as a person. He’s not a bad guy. He’s a good husband and a great dad. But I hate that he gets to be the dad. 

Let’s face it: dads have it easy. I’m sure every dad reading this instantly balks and is starting their own list of how they have it harder. 

Let me break it down for you. Moms grow this tiny human in her body for nine, long, excruciating months. We suffer morning sickness, sore boobs, and massive weight gain, which can take years to lose, if ever. 

We have to push this tiny human out of our bodies, which is the most pain one will ever feel in their lifetime. Not to mention burning agony every time we pee for days after. 

If one goes the c-section route, it’s not any better. For days it will hurt just to walk. And gosh forbid we stretch the stitches wrong. 

Then there’s the infant stage. Men somehow can sleep through every squawk and wail. So that leaves it up to us moms to change their diapers and either nurse them or make a bottle and try to get them back to sleep. 

How many diapers do dads change, especially when it’s a blowout? One excuse I’ve heard many times is moms are just better at that stuff. Can I tell you something? It’s not because we’re better at it. We’re just better at sucking it up and doing what needs to be done. 

Dads get to go to the bathroom alone. Not once does a kid barge in while they’re doing their business to tell them something mundane. Sure, moms could lock the door, but then we have tiny fists pounding on it as they scream to let them in. 

Moms are the keeper of the monitor. When the monsters you’ve created are finally asleep, moms are the ones who always have to keep an ear and eye on the monitor, ready to jump up and console the little ones before they fully wake and will take hours to get back asleep.

How many baths do dads give their kids? For example, I will use my family. We have four kids. Let’s average two baths a week. Bath twice a week for their first six years. 2×52 = 104 baths a year for one kid times 6 years= 624 x 4 kids = 2496. Guess how many my husband has given. Two. Two baths out of almost 2,500. 

Kids come to mom for almost everything. Anytime mom is in the shower, kids will want a snack or can’t find a toy, they barge in and ask mom even though dad is sitting on the couch, readily available. 

When it’s time to go somewhere, moms must get little ones ready. We fight to get shoes and coats on. The whole while, dad stands there, repeating that it’s time to go as shoes sail past his head. 

If the family is going away on vacation, dads pack their stuff up and are done. Moms need to pack up the children’s clothes, spare clothes, favorite stuffed animals, things to do in the car. If she is lucky, she won’t forget any of her stuff when it’s time to leave. 

Moms are the finder of all things. Kids are notoriously known to lose a vast array of items. Most likely because they never put things back where they belong. Kids and dads alike will spend an hour looking with no luck. Moms will come along and find whatever it is in a place right in front of their faces.

When dads get sick, they’re allowed to rest in bed all day. And I mean ALL damn day. While moms have to keep kids entertained, play referee, and make meals between puke fests to the bathroom. 

When kids are sick, who do they want? Mom, of course. We’re the ones up most of the night holding the puke bowl and monitoring temperatures. We’re the ones who get puked on because we fell asleep for ten minutes next to them while dad gets to sleep peacefully alone. 

After dealing with all the headaches we moms go through, I’ve decided in my next life, I want to be the dad. 

 

BA Eubank is a wife and mom of five kids. She's been through all the stages from colicky baby to one leaving the nest. She squeezes writing in between playing referee and asking the dog what's in his mouth. 

This year will be remembered as many things, but one of them will be the year that the word “lockdown” became a pervasive part of our lexicon. The world’s first glimpse into what life almost permanently inside might be like was when chilling photos emerged from China of apartment doors being welded shut. It could never happen to us, though, thought many of us, here in the West at the time. Boy, were we wrong. 

I’m from Melbourne, Australia, the city that has to date endured the world’s longest and strictest lockdowns. Right now, we have technically eliminated the coronavirus, an enviable achievement indeed. But what we had to endure to get here was crushing, oppressive and, quite frankly, one of the biggest challenges I think most parents have ever faced. Despite that, my main takeaway has been that it has made me a better parent. Here’s why. 

When our premier first announced that we would enter our second lockdown in July (after already having endured a 50-day lockdown earlier in the year), parents everywhere in my state let out a collective moan. The lockdown we entered, which became increasingly stricter over the weeks that would follow, involved all children learning from home, all parents working from home, the closure of all restaurants, and the closure of most outdoor public spaces (including all playgrounds, which were taped shut with barricade tape). Initially, the lockdown was meant to last 42 days. 42 days at home with the kids and not much to do, I bemoaned. Netflix will get a workout, I thought to myself.

Unlike the first lockdown, which had a sense of novelty to it, this second lockdown, which it seemed only Melbourne was experiencing, was deeply depressing. As days melted into weeks and weeks melted into months, it became obvious that we weren’t beating the coronavirus. As such, our government made the lockdown even stricter. After about five weeks, we were only allowed out of our house for one hour a day, and we were not to go more than five kilometers from our homes (and we weren’t allowed to drive to the local park, either. Driving to exercise wasn’t allowed). We were only allowed to go to the grocery store once a day and we had to go alone. Councils even taped off local park benches so we couldn’t sit on them. 

In the beginning, I have to say, I was a terrible parent. Every morning I would be glued to my phone, checking the latest coronavirus numbers and getting stressed about our lack of progress, all the while totally ignoring my children. After I’d checked the news, I’d inevitably get trapped in a cycle of feeling sorry for myself. Everyone in Australia (and seemingly, the world) was out enjoying their summers and living their lives, while I couldn’t even go back to the grocery store if I forgot something. My children, aged two and four, would inevitably get sick of their toys, books, and YouTube by lunchtime, and we’d all spend the afternoon frustrated and over it. It seemed like we’d tried every craft activity, we’d baked every cake, and we had built every blanket fort there was to build. They were over it. I was over it. I started to get a tiny bit resentful of all the non-parents in my network. They could get fit, learn a new skill, or even write a book! I remember thinking, while I’m stuck at home arranging toy cars in a line for the twenty billionth time. 

About six weeks after the lockdown started, I woke up with a bit of scratchy throat. Throughout the day, it got quite a bit worse. I was absolutely terrified that I had caught the virus, and even more terrified that I’d somehow passed it to my unwell father, who I had been caring for and would be considered high risk if he caught it. I also knew that if I had it, I’d have to quarantine myself in a bedroom for two weeks so I wouldn’t pass it on to my family. That thought terrified me too. My husband’s job didn’t enable him to look after the kids and at that time, babysitters weren’t allowed, so I had no idea what we would do. 

I lined up for three hours that afternoon and got the test. They said it would only take 24 hours to get the results. I went straight home to bed and didn’t sleep at all that night. What if? 

The next morning, my test results arrived. Negative. I was so relieved. And suddenly, what stretched out in front of me didn’t seem like such an ordinary day. It seemed like a day where I could be profoundly grateful for what I did have. 

After my coronavirus scare, my attitude toward being stuck at home did change for the better. There were many days where we did the same things and I can’t say I found them any more interesting. But there were also some quiet moments when my children were playing together where instead of feeling frustrated, I just felt lucky. Lucky to have two healthy children. Lucky that my family was safe. And lucky, I think, that when the lockdown did eventually end after a punishing 112 days, the outside world waiting for me would seem even more vivid and exciting than ever before. 

In our most frustrating moments, when every day is the same and it feels like there is no hope in sight, it is difficult to be a great parent. But what lockdown taught me was that my children were better—and I felt better—when we tried to be grateful.

Teigan is a passionate nature lover, traveller, ballet dancer, writer, mom, wife and the proud co-founder of Ethicool Books. After losing her mom when her son was five weeks old, she's determined to make the world a better place by encouraging children to take action on the world's big issues.

Even as a fairly optimistic person, there haven’t been too many COVID-related instances that have left me with feelings of positivity. I did, as I would assume many have since the disease outbreak, get the opportunity to really take a good, hard look at myself, however. COVID-19 has added stress to our lives, has challenged us to put society before self, and has been one of the few instances that I can recall (especially as a hermit writer who prefers to work alone) where life’s daily tasks involved a certain sense of teamwork with every single person we encounter in a given day. Here are a few things I learned about myself while adapting to the “new normal.”

1. I Can Be a Team Player. Though I am a very happy and gainfully employed writer now, I took aim at this life after realizing that the office life was simply not something I could master, nor ever be truly happy with. I could step back, take a deep breath, and truly say to myself, “You work with really good people” on multiple occasions, and still hate the “work with” part of that sentence. 

Cue COVID.

When the outcome of working together became the health and safety of humankind, rather than a paycheck, I was pleasantly surprised with my own willingness to “play ball.” Even a successful trip to the corner store these days involves my mask and washed hands, as well as everyone’s in said store, and at least in my neck of the woods, I often left those scenarios thinking, “Great work, team!”   

2. I Really Appreciate Healthcare Workers. I’ve always had an unrealistic fear of hospitals and places of the like, simply because a silly voice in my head was telling me they are just full of diseases and I was going to get sick if I went. I can readily admit that those thoughts were irrational for my first few decades on the planet, but the last few months they have actually be justifiable, with no action of my own, of course. With that, I truly view the healthcare workers risking their lives to save others as absolute heroes and when hand shaking is deemed a safe practice, I hope to shake every doctor, nurse, and hospital staff member I ever interact with. 

In addition to their jobs, I can’t even fathom the level of stress management skills nurses have to have to stay sane, and I simply can’t say enough about how much I have come to appreciate them.  

3. Cooking Is Fun. Unfortunately I can’t title this section “I realized I was good at cooking,” but I sure do enjoy it, and some somewhat-edible concoctions have made their way from my kitchen to my table in the last few months. With the evolution of grocery delivery looking like it will hang around after COVID-19 has been put to rest, I like to think I will continue on this journey of self-taught culinary “arts” and maybe even get the confidence to share some with a neighbor or something. As for now, I’ll view the quarantine order as a silver lining that is allowing my newly found cooking habit to get polished up. 

4. Human Interaction Is Important to Me (This One Surprised Me). As cliché as it may be, the saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is probably ringing true for a lot of people with something related to COVID-19 and the things it took away from us that we otherwise took for granted. For me, that is human interaction. Though it was something I often avoided for extended periods, it was not something that I was ever forced to avoid, and I have been quite thankful to be able to utilize my Zoom setup and see some familiar faces every couple of weeks. 

5. Society Still Makes Me Sad. Despite everything I have just written, my core reasons for being a hermit have definitely been reinforced during these stand down periods. Though so many people have come together for the greater good of society, so many have not. I’m a realist, and I believe the new polarizes any instances they know would upset us (for me, the “COVID is a hoax” folk), but nonetheless, the failures and seeming short attention spans of a lot of the nation are, indeed, the reasons for a continued rise in cases and I just wish we could all make this an “us against COVID” situation instead of a left and right issue like so many issues in our country have come to be. 

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach.