Photo: None

Growing girls will see more than 3,000 images each day on their social media platforms. Every day, they will view perfect, polished, filtered pictures showing them what beauty should look like and they will conclude this: their body needs to change—to become skinnier, fitter, sexier, younger, and more beautiful.

It is no wonder that research tells us that 70% of girls feel so badly about their looks they are withdrawing from life by avoiding activities, cancelling plans, and refusing to speak up in class. 90% of girls polled wanted to change some aspect of their bodies. 13% admitted to having an eating disorder. Theses statistics are concerning to me, not surprising. Let’s dive in deeper.

The problem is not with girls’ bodies. Their bodies are not broken; nor do they need fixing. Society’s emphasis on appearance and impossibly high standards of beauty is the real culprit. The billion-dollar beauty industry profits from little girls who feel ugly, fat, or not good enough. Furthermore, our cultural conditioning has taught us to focus on and obsess over appearance at all costs. The result? Growing girls are feeling deeply dissatisfied with their unique shape and size at the price of their self-worth. 

I am sure you are as concerned as I am. That’s why I talk to girls about true beauty and what makes them feel good about themselves. True beauty, the essence of who she is and what makes her unique is a concept girls do “get” though they admit it is sometimes hard to remember.

Some girls told me they feel truly beautiful when they “like myself for who I am” while others let me know that they love when they are “honest about my feelings.” Turns out, girls know it isn’t only about what they look like and that feeling good is an inside job. They told me they struggled to feel beautiful and, yes, there were fitting room meltdowns when they tried on new jeans and needed a bigger size or when they decided not to go out with friends for pizza because they didn’t feel pretty enough compared to the other girls. Girls admitted they wanted to feel good, but they just don’t know how. Here are six ideas you can try to help her feel truly beautiful:

1. Talk about what YOU do to feel beautiful. You can counter the noise of society, the beauty industry, and her social media feeds with your ideas, insights, and wisdom. Tell her how you pamper yourself with a bubble bath and a good book, or move your body in your favorite ways, or eat a plant-based diet with occasional indulgences. 

2. Ask her what she loves most and least about her body. Help her find a balance of what she appreciates most such as her hazel eyes or her delicate feet and what she is dissatisfied with such as her curvy hips or her flat chest. Whatever she shares, meet her with your understanding and empathy: “Yes, I understand how you are feeling.”

3. Teach her to practice daily self-care. There is more than enough focus her appearance and how she looks; let’s shift her focus to how she feels from the inside out and empower her to create positive feelings. She could choose to: listen or play music, create some art, prepare a nutritious meal, get out to enjoy nature, play with pets or give some TLC to her skin, nails, or hair. Explain that she is responsible for feeling good about herself.

4. Give her process praise rather than appearance praise to help her embrace her true self. It’s all too easy to pay attention to what she looks like by saying, “You look so pretty” or “I love your outfit.” Instead, try commenting on her effort, like “You are putting in so much time fine tuning your science project. Bravo!” or “I love how you are creating a diversity of friends you enjoy hanging out with.” Or “Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with me.”

5. Look for positive and healthy role models for her to follow (celebrities, influencers, and friends). This is a challenge because we never know if what we see is what we get. Her choices may look beautiful but are they beautiful people? Ask her what she thinks contributes to this person’s beautiful self. Make sure she’s considering people who are beautiful in many ways—socially, spiritually, emotionally, and philanthropically, not just physically. 

6. Educate her on social media and perfect and polished pictures that are NOT REAL. Girls need to be reminded how edited and filtered posts can be and that we will never see the outtakes or behind the scenes efforts. If she is easily triggered by what she sees, she can stop looking. And let’s encourage her to do what she can online—be her most authentic self.

Girls want to look beautiful. Girls also want to feel beautiful. I am convinced that with the emphasis on true beauty—her qualities, talents, skills, passions, hopes, and dreams, she can be beautiful from the inside out.

—Lindsay Sealey, MA Ed. is an educator, speaker, consultant, and author of Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible. She is the founder and CEO of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys.

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

Photo: iStock

If your daughter is like most growing girls, she’s begging you for a phone and she feels ready to jump into social media. And if you are like most parents, you are not ready (yet). The New York Times tells us that students are spending over eight hours each day on their phones, mostly scrolling and swiping through social media, creating videos on TikTok, watching YouTube videos, and of course chatting on Snapchat.

Girls tell me all the time how much they love social media – feeling they belong to the “phone club,” the chance to feel connected and included amongst peers, the ideas that inspire them, and the hours of pure entertainment. Yet, many of them admit they also loathe social media–it can feel like pressure to keep up and post “perfectly,” to see polished pictures and not only feel jealous after a quick comparison, but also “not good enough,” to obsess over likes, comments, and the number of followers, and of course, the worry about being left out at best and harassed or bullied at worst.

After speaking to girls and so many parents, here are six steps you can take, starting today, to help you and your daughter plan and prepare for her transition into the virtual world (and to support her if she’s already there):

Step 1: Ask Her about Her Reasons Why She Wants a Phone

Does she feel peer pressure? Is she simply curious? Is she wanting connection? Does she feel left out? You may be surprised to hear what she has to say.

Step 2: Give Her the Facts about Screens & Social Media

  • Screen time is a distraction and can be very stressful
  • Girls are spending more than 8 hours each day on their phones
  • Girls feel a lot of pressure to post and keep up every day
  • Girls worry a lot about being judged, criticized, and mocked
  • Girls today feel more disconnected, lonely, left out, and not good enough when they are online

The facts will likely not dissuade her but they will inform her.

Step 3: Discuss the Pros & Cons

  • Entertaining and fun
  • Inspiring her with creative ideas
  • Feeling connected, included, and “normal”
  • Keeping in touch and the chance to share stories and experiences
  • Self-promoting to be entrepreneurial
  • Escaping after a stressful day at school
  • Distracting
  • Bullying
  • Feeling judged
  • Competing and comparing
  • Feeling it’s too fake and too superficial
  • Addicting
  • Decreasing self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Influencing how she may feel about herself and her body

Step 4: Create Guidelines Together

Consider these ideas:

  • Ensuring her safety is a priority: turn off location settings, turn on privacy settings; don’t share personal information
  • Monitoring time on devices and deciding on her “magic number”
  • Choosing a screen and social media time slot each day and sticking to it
  • Helping her makes decisions such as: who to accept and follow; what to post and how often
  • Encouraging her to be real online: her true and authentic self
  • Talking about her triggers: what could bother her and why
  • Agreeing where the phone should go at night so she has a quality sleep
  • Helping her choose safe websites and platforms
  • Reminding her of her priorities (homework, chores, play, etc.)
  • Discussing “thinking before posting” and her digital footprint

Step 5: Explore “What If Situations”

What if…

  • She makes a mistake online
  • She posts and nobody “likes” or comments
  • She gets mean comments
  • She gets bullied
  • She feels uncomfortable and unsafe

Then create a plan, empowering her with people she can talk to (other than you) and what she can do: block, delete, unfollow, report (if necessary), and do a digital detox by taking time off to be in the real world

Step 6: Talk about What She’s Missing When She Chooses Screen Time

The chance to:

  • Play
  • Spend time outside
  • Create
  • Make real connections
  • Reflect
  • Unwind
  • Set goals
  • Develop her skillset
  • Dream

Girls having phones is inevitable. Yet, we, as girl supporters and girl champions, can navigate the virtual world with her—keeping her aware, healthy, and happy online.

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

Is your daughter (or the growing girl in your life)…1. NEVER confident? 2. SOMETIMES confident? or 3. ALWAYS confident?

If you are like most parents, teachers, and girl champions today, you will likely see that she is wavering between numbers 1 and 2, unlikely to be anywhere near number 3. I am so curious why girls seem to be confident until around age 8 or 9. Then, their confidence wanes, enormously. What happens? Where does this confidence go? And, most importantly, how do we work together to build and boost her self-confidence?

What Is Confidence? 
Put simply, confidence is feeling strong and secure in yourself and your abilities and knowing you are capable of developing even more of your skills and talents to become even more confident. Why does confidence matter? Confident girls feel more happy and healthy. They are much more willing to take risks and show their bravery and adapt to changes. The most confident girls I know don’t spend a lot of time on their devices, they are engaged and involved in many different activities, and they don’t seem to care about what others think of them. Refreshing but rare.

Why Does a Girl Seem to “Lose” Her Confidence as She Grows? 
Girls seem to lose their confidence in a “perfect storm” of changes as they grow. They begin to have an awareness of how they compare to their peers and they start to evaluate (am I taller, smaller, smarter, less smart, as popular, not as popular, prettier or less pretty than so and so?). At the same time, their bodies start to change (at different rates, of course), their thinking becomes more shaped by their perception of how others seem them, and they are sensitive to what others think of them. Since they also need to gain peer acceptance (and fear judgment, criticism, and, ultimately, rejection) they change themselves to fit in. So, it’s no wonder they hold back and shy away from bravery, morph themselves into who others want them to be, and diminish their uniqueness. And, at the very seem time, they have 24/7 access to something called social media—perfected and polished images for them to see and though they love their phones, they do not realize how this is damaging their self-confidence and feelings of “not good enough.” 

Do you see how it is no wonder her confidence diminishes?

How Do We Work Together to Build & Boost Her Confidence? 

​​​​​​​Here are my top 6 tips to help you get started:

1. Be a positive power of example to her: you can tell her to “be confident” but more helpful, you will have to show her how it’s done —with your words—how you speak to yourself and also to others (and about others), with your body language—posture is everything, and with your actions, challenging yourself to speak up when you have been wronged and taking chances that may make you feel uncomfortable. 

2. Together, find examples of confidence in the girls she may be following online or watching on Netflix: talk about why they seem confident and if she is willing to try to emulate these girls in any way. What about Malala Yousafsai, Zendaya, Greta Thunberg, or any of the girls from the Babysitter’s Club Netflix series? Help her find and follow girls who are taking big steps, breaking glass ceilings, speaking up and out, making a difference, and shaping our world.

3. Practice how she speaks: words are EVERYTHING. First, to herself. Instead of, “I am just not good at reading”, ask her to try, “I am working hard on my reading skills and improving every day.” Then, with others. Instead of “I kind of think I might want to try a new restaurant for dinner”, ask her to say, “I would like to try a new restaurant” —clear and concise!

4. Work on her body language: essentially, this can help her feel more confident from the inside out but it also can show others she believes in herself. Body language includes: standing tall, chin out, shoulders back, and good eye contact. Practice makes progress (especially when it comes to muscle memory).

5. Finally, work on her skillset: I promise you, the more competent she feels the more confident she can feel too. To start, ask her what skills and talents she already has (girls tend to discount and discredit the work they have already achieved) from being a good friend, creating videos on Tik Tok, or being your sous chef. Then, ask her what skills she wants to develop—come up with a broad and expansive list that could include: learning to bake or cook; adventuring with hiking, biking, or swimming; starting a group for a fundraiser for the food bank or an environmental club. After all, we want our girls to be “all-rounders.” 

6. Teach her to be brave: taking risks—whether this is making a new friend, ordering for herself at Starbucks, or trying new activities is never easy—and you may need to do this in tandem. Break new skills into small acts of micro-bravery. Remind her that skill development takes time and practice but she has done it before and she can do it again! Finally, teach her that failure is a good thing; it is an opportunity to try again, to improve, and to grow even more. I can’t tell you how critical it is that we build and boost her confidence—not just today, but every day! In the words of the Dalai Lama, “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”  

Lindsay Sealey, MA Ed. is an educator, speaker, consultant, and author of Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible. She is the founder and CEO of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys.

 

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

“I want to be famous.” 

This was the response I received from one of my ten-year-old clients when I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up. Shocked, I started to wonder what ever happened to dreaming about having a more traditional job, like teacher, doctor or scientist? I’ll tell you exactly what I think has happened: those dreams of “regular” jobs have been replaced by a new image of success where seemingly normal, everyday girls become instant YouTube or Instagram sensations overnight.

Shows such as American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance have supposedly opened the door for young talents to fast-track their careers—but in the process they’ve raised the expectations of a generation. Now many young girls dream about an unrealistic trifecta of talent, riches and easy fame. Preteen girls are often self-conscious about how they are seen by others and the idea of seeking fame is not new, but with the rise of social media, it’s easier than ever for girls to imitate fame on an individual level.

The word for this phenomenon is called “micro-celebrity,” first coined by Theresa Sneft in her book CamGirls. Micro-celebrity” describes a new form of identity linked inextricably with the internet and the use of still images, videos and blogging to craft one’s own public identity and brand themselves for their own fan base. According to a 2013 media survey, kids who use social media place a much higher value on fame than kids who don’t use social media.

Whether they’re following the Kardashians, Meghan Trainor or Miley Cyrus, girls see mostly the benefits of fame while ignoring any drawbacks. Girls are caught in a vortex of posting, promoting and pleasing—being as “celebrity-esque” as possible—yet sinking into deeper personal dissatisfaction about their appearance and even their lives.

In my book Growing Strong Girls, I explain why girls’ participation in the pursuit of micro-celebrity is an example of the disconnection they feel when what they’re really seeking is happiness and fulfillment. They grab at whatever illusion of affirmation and connection they can, whether it’s by branding themselves, promoting and performing for an online audience or emulating fame by posting non-stop.

An October 2017 study by Girl Guides Canada found 56 percent of girls feel pressure from society to conform to unrealistic standards about what it means to be a “girl”— and they feel this pressure through the media, social media, friends, parents or even teachers. This confusion only becomes heightened when girls consider themselves “friends” with the celebrities they follow online.

I know it’s not easy for parents to grapple with this with their daughters. I’ve come to better understand girls’ never-ending pursuit of micro-celebrity in my coaching work. They tell me about their excitement and their struggles. I see how lost they are and how much they need guidance back to reality. So, where do we begin?

Have a straight talk with her about fame. 

We know she has stars in her eyes about being famous, but does she know what being famous actually entails? Ask her to come up with a list of the pros and cons of being famous and when she runs out of ideas, add some of our own. Pros could include: attention, wealth, free products, and being known and loved by your fans. Cons could include: the pressures of living in the public eye, the expectations from fans, not knowing who to trust and a lack of privacy. Ask her honestly if she wants fame or if perhaps what she really wants is to feel good about herself—and explain there are many other ways to do the latter, too.

Give her the attention she needs. 

Think about what she really wants and what she’s searching for when she pays attention to celebrities. She wants what we all want: acceptance and belonging. If we don’t  provide it for her, she’ll seek it elsewhere. View the time she spends online posting and anticipating reactions as a possible cry for attention and be ready to step up. Schedule regular time with her and create rituals she can to look forward to with you. Whether it’s Saturday morning breakfast or Friday movie nights, make the time for her and use this time to talk about what’s on her mind.

Address the argument, “If everyone’s doing it, why can’t I?” 

We need to teach girls to be independent thinkers and to do what’s best for them. They can so easily slip into “compare and copy” mode and use what their friends are doing as the benchmark for what she thinks she should do. Here is our opportunity to discuss what it means to check in with herself and cross-check with family values. 

Does she enjoy feeling disappointed when she “only” gets 50 likes for a picture she posted a selfie when she was expecting 100? Is she okay when she subjects herself to ridicule and condemnation with every single post? Help her take a step back and an honest look at her online habits and then talk about some boundaries she can set for herself that have nothing to do with “everyone else.”

Encourage her to be present in real time (IRT). 

Girls often miss out on the enjoyment of being in the moment. Constantly checking in with phones tethered to their hands, it’s like they’re living through a screen. Real time means time spent with undivided attention and unplugged from all devices. At first this might feel foreign to her, but once she recovers from the “withdrawal phase,” she may learn to love it. 

Go slowly at first, asking her to not go on her phone during dinner time, and then slowly extend the challenge to one hour of no phone in the evening. Experiment on weekends with taking the entire afternoon to stay off all devices. Help her adjust to the change and be in the moment with her by doing the challenge alongside her.

Help her find realistic role models. 

Girls’ st‌yles and values are being shaped by what they see trending on social media. How can we shift her focus to more positive values? Create some competition for the impulse to follow fame. 

Ask her to look for people to follow who are doing good work versus seeking fame. Some examples include young athletes and leaders, such as pro surfer Bethany Hamilton, Olympic gold medal gymnast Simone Biles or human rights activist Malala Yousafsai. With a little time and research, you can help her realize she needs to pursue her own unique st‌yle, that she can live her values and make a difference by giving back in positive ways. Her self-worth need not be based on the number of fans, likes, or social shares she has.

Social media makes the temptation to engage in a pursuit of micro-celebrity almost irresistible. Instead, let’s give girls a reason to put down their phones. You can help your own girls by focusing on connection through real-world experiences—in real time—and by giving her the attention, affirmation and boundaries she needs.

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

Today, girls feel the pressures to be pretty, popular, and talented. They are striving to fit in, keep up, and be all things to all people. Yet, girls are more stressed and anxious than ever before and consistently report feeling “not good enough.” 

As girls grow up, they change from strong, secure, and gutsy little girls to uncertain, afraid, and worried teen girls who hold back their voice, their opinion, and their adventurous spirits. They lose their true self and begin curating the “ideal” self—one who is helpful, amenable, and accomplished. Her “perfect” self, whether on her social media feeds or in real-time, strives for perfection at all costs. Essentially, girls become “super girls”.

Yet, as much as they are accomplishing, they may also be struggling with “Super Girl Syndrome” —stressed out, exhausted, and empty. You may be noticing the signs: girls who are taking on more roles and responsibilities, putting in extra time on assignments for the perfect grades, staying up late, and saying, “Yes” to every opportunity and every invitation that comes her way.

Girls have endless possibilities and infinite choices. The world tells her: “Be anything” she hears: “Be everything.” Girls know the “girl power” movement is on the rise and they have some pretty big shoes to fill (think Ariana Grande, Malala Yousafsai, Emma Watson, and Greta Thunberg). They may not know that the push for more is taking its toll on their mental health. As her “to-do list” grows longer, you may wonder how to help support your daughter. 

My work with girls has taught me, they want and they need our help. Here are 4 superpower options for you to teach her:

Superpower 1: Help her to be self-compassionate. Since supergirls push themselves beyond their own boundaries, they are going to need to learn how to be kind, with their words and their actions. This could mean, using gentle self-talk such as, “I am so proud of myself today” or “I need a moment to consider how I feel I did” or showing herself some latitude when things don’t go her way. At the same time, girls need to practice self-care and give themselves permission to relax. This could mean time to journal, a bubble bath, a funny sitcom or Netflix, or preparing her favorite meal. Being hard on themselves and harsh with their words and actions doesn’t help them to achieve any more and leaves them feeling bad. Kindness and self-compassion, meeting themselves in a moment, is the anecdote for any possibility of self-punishment.

Superpower 2: Suggest she chooses progress over perfection. Girls aim for “perfect” —a non-existent entity they have come to equate with happiness. They strive for an impossibly high standard and when they don’t meet these unrealistic demands, they can feel deflated, and promise themselves one thing: to try harder and to push for more. When I work with perfectionists, I always affirm their hustle. Simultaneously, I deconstruct perfectionism, explaining there is no such thing and they will never get there. Then, I shift their focus to progress, asking her to take a moment to look back at how far she’s come, how she got here (discipline, hard work, commitment, and time), and ask her not to compare her journey with anyone else’s. When she can see her progress, I ask her what is required for her to keep going (more time, support, motivation, and learning). Letting go of perfection can mean, she can enjoy the ride of progress, as well as making mistakes, or being mediocre or average, albeit temporarily. She can be her worth, not try to prove her worth.

Superpower 3: Encourage her to practice bravery. Many girls play it safe and girls are afraid to be brave. They don’t want to risk a reputation or any expectations. They don’t want to step out of a comfort zone and be uncomfortable or uncertain. Often girls feel they are not ready and as though they aren’t enough. Yet, taking risks and showing bravery is the very skill girls need to practice to grow. When girls are brave—either they take a chance, make a new choice, decide to change, or challenge themselves, being uncomfortable is inevitable. On the other side of discomfort is courage. The more brave girls can be—raising their hands in the classroom, setting a boundary, making new friends, or trying out new activities, the more likely they are to learn that they can do it, even if they are afraid. And, it feels pretty good.

Superpower 4: Remind her to play and have fun. Supergirls are focused and don’t have a lot of free time. This may sound counterintuitive but this is exactly why they need to play. They are so busy and often so stressed, suggesting having fun to them is laughable. All the while, downtime is necessary as is getting her to take a phone break. It is through play, being messy, and feeling wild and carefree, they can unburden and de-stress themselves. Moreover, play is an opportunity to take on some necessary “r’s”, namely: rest, release, restoration, and rejuvenation. Supergirls have the energy and drive to keep going. They will argue they don’t need breaks. Yet, they do. Try to convince her that it is through creative play, they may have new ideas, fresh perspectives, and renewed energy to keep going. Even supergirls need to recharge.

Supergirls are productive and work hard. They are driven, ambitious, responsible and respectable thought leaders. They are our future. As they push to achieve and accomplish, to reach their goals and to make their mark, they are going to need our help to explore the superpower alternatives so they can find a better balance and most importantly, their true identity.

For more resources to support your supergirl, check out: Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible. She is also the founder and CEO of Bold New Girls, a website dedicated to “Empowering girls to feel happy, healthy, confident, & inspired through the integration of learning & social/emotional development.”

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

In honor of Mother’s Day, we want to talk women. Women rock! We are smart, strong, playful, loving, nurturing, tough, funny, good listeners and talkative. As women, and as parents, we rely on our community of friends. We want our girls to develop their own strength that comes both from within and from their community. Girl Group, in Atwater Village, helps them figure out how to do just that. Discover the growing place that offers classes, workshops and camps just (mostly) for girls.

What is Girl Group?
The mission of Girl Group is to create a space where girls can think, ask questions, share knowledge and work together to figure out their changing world. The inspirational women who created and run the group are committed to creating a strength driven, community-building experience for girls through talk, action and mentorship.

Now offering public and private workshops and camps, the group initially began with the weekly ‘Girl Group’ group meetings. Groups of Little Girls (7-10) or Big Girls (10-14) gather weekly to explore a weekly theme and learn concrete tools and strategies to help navigate the journey to adulthood. Girls use writing, conversation, art and movement to work through these topics and the things that are currently going on in their own lives, relationships and friendships.

Like Girl Scouts, With Badges in Emotions
Each series of classes runs for 8 weeks and has a theme. For example, if the spring theme is “Metaphor,” girls play with old clichés and create their own metaphors to convey their thoughts and feelings. Within each theme, girls explore relevant topics like wonderful bodies, intuition, friendship, nest building, journal keeping, respect, active listening and stress management.

Like Vegas,  Except, Not At All
One of the first rules of Girl Group is “what happens in Girl Group stays in Girl Group,” which allows the girls to feel free to say anything. And while every mom instinct is dying to ask what they talked about, resist. Because your patience just might be rewarded. Once they feel more comfortable with some of their thoughts and feelings, they’re more likely to share them.

OG GG Girls
“Girl Group is the group we wish we’d had when we were young.” That’s how the “original girls” and driving forces of the group describe it. These are women that you feel are your instant BFFs; it’s no wonder girls feel so comfortable sharing, learning and growing with them. They perfectly compliment each others skills: Wesley Stahler is a licensed marriage and family therapist, registered drama therapist and early childhood mental health clinician. Tanya Ward Goodman is a writer who focuses on family and caregiving topics. Both are mothers of young daughters, so they get it as girls and they get it as moms. In fact, there’s no one better to explain where the need Girl Group arose, and their guiding principles.

Wesley: “My need to begin Girl Group began from my longing to inherit a guide from my mother when I was 10. This was the year my parents announced they were getting divorced. This imaginary guide from my mother would have shared her thoughts from when she was in elementary school on up on her development, socially, mentally and physically. I wanted to know that my thoughts, my feelings and my body were normal. I needed confirmation and guidance that I was ok.”

Tanya: “Dolly Parton said, ‘Find out who you are and do it on purpose.’ But how to find out? I write to figure things out, so I always talk about keeping a notebook, but I encourage the girls to use what they find most useful. There are no rules, only suggestions. You can use a hammer to place a nail in the wall, but you can also use the hard sole of a shoe. Find your tool, use it the way that makes the most sense to you.”

Where the Parents Are
If Atwater Village is a little far for a weekly class, or you’re looking for a way to participate alongside your girl, they offer amazing (like life and relationship changing) workshops. Workshops change all the time, so check the website to see what’s coming up, but some past and upcoming workshops include Love Notes (where mom or dad and daughter bring in baby photos and work on strategies for cultivating tenderness and brainstorm ways to nurture each other, and themselves, the way you would care for a baby), Soothing Strategies (parent and child create an individual blend of tea and gain mindfulness tools) or Together Time (moms and daughters carve out time to really connect by making beaded bracelets that speak for you and talking about ways to stay connected even on tough days).

The success of these workshops has spurred the group to offer their first workshops for Mom only on how to mother yourself the way you mother your child, and the first parent-son workshop on Combating Boredom (aka, screen time stinks and other ways kids can amuse themselves when parents say they’ve had enough ipad play!).

Girls Of Summer
Woot woot! Girl Group is also launching a new summer camp this year. Spots are extremely limited for this one week June camp, so contact them now if it sounds like something your girl would like.

What About Boy Group?
Beyond the upcoming Combating Boredom workshop, there’s more male-ness coming to GG. Boy Group workshops are beginning this summer with weekly Boy Group beginning Fall 2016 being lead by a wonderful mindfulness teacher/practitioner, teacher at Marlborough School for Girls and father.

Growing Group for Growing Girls
A newer, bigger space is currently under construction and should be completed in September 2016. They’ve done so much so far, and we can’t wait to see what else they can do, with more space and bigger digs!

Girl Group
3191 Casitas Ave.
Atwater Village
323-426-5886
Online: girlgroup.us

Do you know of other groups, workshops or classes where girls talk and support each other?  We’d love to learn about them!

—Meghan Rose

All photos by Jeff Wong for Girl Group.  All rights reserved.