ML Interest Tag: growth

10 Top Apps to Track Baby’s Naps, Feedings, Health History & More

by Julie Seguss

When you’re a sleep-deprived new parent, how are you supposed to remember when you last fed your baby, how long they slept, or even when they were immunized and for what? Especially during those first few months when leaving the house freshly showered and in spit up-free clothing is considered a near miracle. Here’s the good news. You don’t have to. Some of the best baby tracking apps out there help exhausted parents stay on top of every milestone, feeding, diaper change, nap, and so much more.

1. Baby+

baby+ pink background on a smartphone is a baby tracking app
Philips

With Baby+ parents can track their child's height, weight, and head circumference through interactive graphs, and log information on feedings, diaper changes, sleep, and new teeth to get a better understanding of baby's routine. You can also keep track of baby's milestones and upload photos, as well as help baby relax at night or during feeding time with lullabies and white noise.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

2. Sprout Baby

You can use the Sprout Baby app to record your child's health history (illnesses, symptoms, temperature, medications), as well as to keep track of feedings, bottles, pumping sessions, and diapers. The app features a handy printable report with your child's health data that you can bring to doctor's visits. There's also a memories section for recording milestones and other special moments, which you can then export to an eBook.

Available for iOS devices.

3. Talli

This best baby tracking app includes a device with a white top and wood bottom
Talli

This baby tracking app is a little bit different. It pairs with a stylish device that comes ready to track baby's sleep, bottle feedings, diapers, pumping, and more right out of the box. And it's customizable too, so you can determine which of baby's many activities you track. The companion app is fully integrated to let parents track all sorts of data, see trends, invite family members and caregivers to contribute, and view past events. It's also Alexa enabled, for those moments when you don't have your hands free.

Available for iOS and on Google Play.

4. Tinybeans

Tinybeans is one of the best baby tracking apps

Yup, we've got an app! If you're looking for a secure place to store your baby photos, look no further than Tinybeans. You can edit pics before posting and share them with a select group of family and friends, who can comment on and join in the excitement of all your adorable new memories. The app will prompt you to post (to keep eager relatives appeased) and also track baby's developmental milestones. 

Available for iOS and on Google Play.

5. BabySparks

three smartphone screens with a baby sleeping on one, shows best baby tacking app info

This development tracker informs you when children typically learn specific skills, compiled from sources including the American Academy of Pediatrics and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. BabySparks also provides activities you can do with your child to support this development. The activities are organized by the area of development: gross motor, fine motor, cognitive, speech, sensory, self-care, and social-emotional, so you can focus on a specific area if you prefer. The app also offers a paid subscription option so parents can access parenting classes.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

6. BabyTime

screenshots of the babytime app, one of the best tracking apps for parents of babies
BabyTime

All caregivers can track and record baby's activities in the BabyTime app. And since it's designed for one-handed operation, you can save all that valuable information while holding baby—a big plus. Track breastfeeding, bottles, sleep, and diapers, and use the slick charts to oversee baby's day or identify trends. There's also a night mode with a low-contrast background that's easier on your eyes.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

7. Baby Connect

a best baby tracker app, three smartphones with apps to track baby's needs
Baby Connect

Baby Connect records diaper changes, naps, moods, feedings, medicines, photos, and activities, and displays it in graphs and charts to help you identify trends. Multiple users can access your kid's info so your babysitter, Grandma, and other caregivers can see what baby has been up to and keep you updated, too. And the voice integrations mean you can record important information, even when your hands are full.

Available for iOS devices and Android.

8. Baby Tracker

Screenshots of the Baby Tracker app, one of the best baby tracking apps
Baby Tracker

Love knowing when every little thing happened and when it might happen again? Baby Tracker keeps track of every element of your baby's day, including sleep, feedings, and diaper changes. You may even discover your newborn's natural daily routines and nap schedule by comparing a week's or a month's worth of days. You can also track and record memories, growth, medical history, milestones, and more.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

9. Baby Feed Timer

screenshots of the baby feed app, one of the best tracking apps for parents of babies
Baby Feed Timer

Nursing moms love the Baby Feed Timer app because you can record which side you fed your infant with last. Bottle-feeding parents love that you can keep track of just how much formula baby took each time. This baby tracking app will also tell you when it's time for the next feeding. Plus, it tracks diapers, pumping, medication administration, sleep, and solid feedings, making it useful past the first year.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

10. Glow Baby

screenshots of the glow baby app, one of the best tracking apps for parents of babies
Glow Baby

This baby tracking app for the first year tracks developmental milestones, feedings, diapers, sleep, baby's ailments, medications, and more. Use Glow Baby's timers to manage feeding and sleep schedules, and then head to the in-app community to chat with other parents and share strategies and successes.

Available for iOS devices and on Google Play.

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The Only 2 Things to Say to Your Kid After a Game

By MOJO Inc.

Imagine if every time you took the garbage out or loaded the dishwasher someone offered helpful tips on how to do it more efficiently. Now imagine if, after every meal, someone in your family gave a critique of the food and made suggestions for the next meal.

How would you feel? Well, I know how I would feel: deflated, frustrated, and unmotivated.

Without realizing it, this is basically what some parents are doing to their children after every practice or game. As soon as the child leaves the field, Mom or Dad starts in.

Sometimes, it’s friendly tips that are meant to be helpful. Sometimes, it’s more commanding advice, like “Swing with more power” or “Pay more attention to the ball.” Other times, parents just ask so many questions they exhaust their children (who are already tired from the game).

I can tell you with confidence that all children—and I mean all children—hate the questions and constructive criticism. Young athletes start to dread the car ride home because they know they are held captive with nowhere to exit. The analysis of the game and the helpful hints completely suck the fun out of the game.

What’s worse, that fleeting car ride can have a lasting, if unintended, effect.

In my practice as a family coach, I see it time and time again. A child has loved sports for many years. Then all of a sudden, poof, he or she has no interest in ever playing again—and the parents are left scratching their heads.

It’s all too common. Up to 70 percent of youth athletes stop playing the game by age 13, according to a survey conducted by The National Alliance for Youth Sports. The reason? Heartbreakingly, because the game is no longer fun.

Even the most well-intentioned parent can ruin the fun by being overly invested in the outcome of a game or the growth of their player. (And it’s a shame because, besides being fun, playing a sport is shown to improve academic outcomes, lower the risk of alcohol and drug use, reduce unexpected pregnancies, and improve social relationships.)

I know it’s hard not to share what you see from the sidelines. I know parents are just trying to connect with their children. But, more often than not, it’s not working.

The good news? There’s an easy fix. Greet your player when the game is over in one of two ways, and you will revolutionize the way your child feels about being on the team.

Option 1: “I love to watch you play.”

Option 2: “Where should we go for ice cream?”

By telling your child how much you enjoy seeing their effort, win or lose, you are conveying support and reinforcing the joy of the game. I see so many young players immediately looking into the stands to see a parent’s reaction to a goal or a great defensive move. They want—no, they crave—the positive affirmations from their parents.

So, give it to them.

(This also goes for those parents glued to their phones on the sidelines. Look up! You want to be there to catch their eye.)

The more you focus on the joy of watching them—not winning, not technique, not strategy—the more they’ll actually enjoy playing (and, not incidentally, the more likely they’ll actually improve).

Now, ice cream after a game isn’t always necessary. But, win or lose, it sure is nice.

Catherine Pearlman, Ph.D., LCSW, is a therapist, avid youth sports parent, and founder of The Family Coach. This post originally appeared on MOJO.

MOJO is on a mission to make youth sports more fun for everyone — one kid, one coach, one family at a time. 

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Is Your Nursery Keeping Up with Your Growing Baby?

By Habbi Habbi

Did you know that 80 percent of the brain develops in the first three years of life? Our kids go from crawling to running, from babbling to speaking, from being a quiet observer to having a full-fledged personality. As moms and entrepreneurs in the world of child development and kids products, we often find ourselves and friends asking how to create an environment at home that supports our kids’ physical and intellectual growth before they start school. What we’ve found through our research and interviews is that as kids travel through growth stages, their world—real or imagined—also shifts. As parents, we can create environments that are developmentally appropriate and that stimulate their emerging milestones. Here are a few baby nursery ideas and toddler updates that will take you through the first three years of life.

0 to 12 Months: Focus on the Floor

Your baby spends most of the first year of her life developing the physical strength to go from lying down to sitting to crawling and walking. She is also developing her spatial awareness and the drive to go after what she wants. The best way to nurture these budding skills is to spend some of your awake time every day on the floor, giving her chances to play on her back and on her tummy. While it’s often taken for granted, we can create a very rich, immersive environment for her down there, starting by getting down there with her.

Start her under a play gym (We love this space-themed play gym), where she develops her vision and learns to reach and bat. Then, add soft, sensory, activity toys—whether balls, rings, rattles, plush activity toys—so she can practice grabbing, pulling, dropping, shaking, and experimenting with sounds. As she gets more mobile, the same toys will motivate her to roll, scoot, pivot, army crawl, and more as she expresses her desire to bring them into her world.

13 to 24 Months: The Experiment Lab

girl reading book
Daria Shevtsova from Pexels

In the second year, that baby becomes a fast-moving and curious toddler! She loves to explore and experiment—making hypotheses about the world, testing them, and repeating the experiment over and over. She is noticing patterns and routines. This is the perfect age to indulge her desire to learn how the world works—how do things turn on and off? How do they move? How do we use words to express what we want?

We love creating an environment that nurtures her growing curiosity, gives her space to experiment, and gives us opportunities to participate in the conversation. Include toys like a shape sorter that teaches her to manipulate and match objects, a car ramp or wooden pull toy that teaches her cause and effect, and of course, toddler books that reinforce her understanding of the routines and people in her world, that she will no doubt ask to read over and over again!

As she gets closer to 24 months, she can also start to experiment with basic games like First Orchard—especially now that she is learning to follow simple commands. Watch as she explores and experiments with different ways to play the game!

25 to 36 Months: Pretend play, Every Day

As she moves through her third year, she becomes an independent, high-energy storyteller. She loves to act like the adults around her, learning that she can play pretend! That block over there? That’s not a block, it’s a phone—let’s call grandma! It’s the perfect time to design her play space around imaginative play and problem-solving—incorporating tools that can set up an infinite number of storylines that develop language, explore emotions, practice and refine motor skills, and practice relationship skills.

She will benefit from your modeling and close observation as you set up simple stories. Some of our favorite tools are ones that can also grow with your child beyond age 3—for example, a wooden play kitchen and play food, building tools like LEGO, Earthtiles, open-ended toys like wooden blocks and shapes, story-enablers like My Family Builders (where the pieces can be mixed and matched to make different types of families) and Maileg, whose little mice and furniture can be grouped into whimsical narratives. Dress-up is another fun tool she can use in her world of fantastic free play.

—Manisha Shah, Sonia Chang (Playfully) & Anne-Louise Nieto (Habbi Habbi)

 

All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our editors.

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers.

Habbi Habbi is about inspired, intentional parenting. This means being intentional about the home culture we are nurturing. These are the values that inspire our feed, the stories we share and the products we have picked for you. 

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15 Non-Cheesy Mantras That’ll Actually Shift Your Mood

by Amber Guetebier

Say it with us, “I’m going easy on myself today”

Parenting is no walk in the park, and sometimes it feels like the cards are stacked against us: work, dealing with tantrums (be it your toddler or tween), laundry, inflation on just about everything. That’s why it is more important than ever to offer some positive reinforcement… to yourself! We talked to the experts and came up with 15 positive affirmations to write down, display, or pull out on the days or in the moments when you need a lift.

Why positive affirmations can make you a better parent

We asked renowned parenting expert Reena B. Patel why positive affirmations matter. Patel, who is also a licensed educational psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and the author of Winnie & Her Worries, reminds us that positive affirmations are rooted in positive psychology. “Positive, simple statements help shift your focus away from perceived failures and direct your focus toward your strengths,” says Patel. “We believe and act upon what we think, thus leading to self-fulfilling prophecies if we focus only on what we are not good at. There is power in positive thinking. Positive emotions are linked with better health, longer life, and greater well-being.”

Patel also suggests that, whenever possible, parents try to state their affirmation while looking at themselves in the mirror, and by saying the statement multiple times a day (at least three is ideal). Use positive “I’ statements and place a visual of the words in an area that you can see daily as a reminder, she adds.

1. I am a good parent. It’s easy to criticize ourselves and focus on how we think we’re failing as a mom or dad. But parenting is tough, and we’re all doing the best we can. Acknowledge that fact, and tell yourself out loud, every day, that you’re a good parent.

2. Loving myself is the greatest gift I can give to my child. Kids are sponges and they learn from us. So if your kiddos know you appreciate yourself, they will learn to love themselves. That’s one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.

3. I’m not perfect. We all know that nobody is perfect. But we place a big expectation on ourselves as parents to be pretty close to it. Repeating that mantra is a great reminder that it’s okay to be human, not to be perfect.

4. I can only control myself. It’s so hard, but one of the best ways to help kids grow emotionally is to exhibit mature behavior. Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC, says, “When we react emotionally to our kids and lose control, we’re allowing our kids to determine how we behave rather than the other way around.” Next time your kid throws a massive fit, try to stay calm and see what happens.

5. I am willing to learn and grow. Patel reminds us that it is critical to embrace change and growth, even when things seem tough. After all, it’s what we’d tell our kids, right?
6. Today is a new day. It’s easy to focus on how yesterday was a bad day. Sanah Rizvi, the founder of The Psych Way, suggests shifting the self-talk to focus on how every day is a chance to make progress toward what you want and the person you want to be.

7. I’m doing the best I can do. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. Repeating that mantra every day will help you accept it as truth.

8. I make good decisions for my kids. This positive affirmation is a tough one to remember, especially when little ones are very vocal about making their displeasure with our decisions known. Parent Trust points out that moms and dads know they’re making the right choices for their kids. Embrace it and repeat the statement to yourself as a reminder.

9. I’m going easy on myself today. Permit yourself to take it easy. Say it out loud and grow comfortable with the idea.

10. It’s okay to ask for help, and what’s more, I deserve it. It’s time to take control of your needs and be OKAY with asking for help. You’ll be surprised to find out how many people are willing to step up if you just ask them.

11. Parenting is exhausting. Every parent knows this statement to be true. Writer Lauren Tamm suggests repeating this mantra as a reminder that taking care of kids is hard work. No wonder we’re so tired at the end of the day!

12. I am loved. Motherhood can be a thankless job, and little ones aren’t known for their compliments. Parent coach and family therapist Nicole Schwarz reminds moms that even though their kids may not say it, they really do feel that way. You just may need to put words to it.

13. I am what my kiddo needs. At the end of the day, there’s nothing else that’s as true as that statement.

14. It won’t always be like this. The one thing we know for sure is that hardships always pass. From colicky babies to navigating social media with tweens, one day, you’ll find yourself on the other side.

15. I do not need to compare. ” I know my kids the best, and comparisons do not serve me. If I notice myself comparing, I will quickly let it go,” Patel says. And that’s a lead worth following.

—with additional reporting by Leah Singer

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The Surprising Thing a Pixar Movie Taught Me about Raising a Teenager

By Jamie Edelbrock

One of my favorite Pixar movies is  “Up.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s a charming story about love, hardship, friendship, and adventure. The colorful scenes of floating houses, funny characters, and wild creatures keep the audience captivated until the sweet and unexpected ending.

One scene especially caught my attention early in the movie. It was when the two main characters, Carl and Russell, meet for the first time. Carl is a grumpy older man who lives alone in his house that wants to be left alone. Russell is an eager, optimistic young boy that wants to help Carl. Assisting Carl will help Russell earn the final badge on his sash to become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. In the scene, Russell knocks on Carl’s door repeatedly and relentlessly. This ends up really upsetting Carl, but Russell won’t give up until Carl is willing to accept his help.

I felt like I was watching a scene between my teenage daughter and me! However, in this case, the roles were reversed. My daughter was the grumpy one, and I was the one persistently offering help.

Let me explain. There was a time when my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. If you’re a parent of a teenager, you probably understand.

She would lock herself in her room, and the only time I saw her was when she was yelling at me or coming out to eat. Seeing a smile from her was rare, and every time I would hear her footsteps come down the hallway, I would be waiting with a hug and hoping for a smooth moment together. My hopes were usually dashed when instead of a hug, I was met with a glare. I felt helpless and rejected with every interaction.

It’s hard when a child that once attached to your hip is now hiding behind a slammed door.

In an article, Katie Malinski LCSW says, “Children who are acting in unloving ways are likely to themselves be feeling unloved, unwanted, not valuable, incapable, powerless, or hurt. The response those children need isn’t greater control or bigger punishments, they need understanding, compassion, and support for their growth. LOVE.” 

I wasn’t sure why she was acting the way she was, but I knew I wanted her to know I loved her unconditionally and that I would always be there for her.

Through the help of a parenting coach and a lot of research, I learned that her behavior had little to do with me, and it was most likely something she was going through. Dr. Cam Ph.D. is a popular Adolescent Psychologist and Family Success Coach. In one of her free resource guides, called 10 Secrets to Raising Teens she says, “It may be difficult to believe, but when your teen is giving you attitude, rolling her eyes at you, or asking you to drop her off a block away from her friend’s house, she still needs your support and approval more than ever.”

With that in mind, I decided not to take it personally, to put myself in her shoes, and to relentlessly pursue her.

I started putting encouraging notes on her bedroom door every morning. She tore them down. I would make her favorite foods and bring them to her room. I never got a thank you. I enlisted a trusted friend to drive her to her activities, so she had another adult to talk to. Sometimes she was silent. I always invited her to watch TV with me at the end of the day. She usually said no.

Like Russell in the movie “Up,” I often got a door slammed in my face, but much to my surprise, my relentless pursuit started to work. She eventually started coming out of her room and engaging with the family again. It took a while, but our relationship became even better than it was before her reclusive and grumpy behavior.

Now that we’re through that rough patch, I asked my daughter to help me understand what helped. This is what she told me.

1. Leaving notes on her door effectively spoke words of affirmation and love to her, which helped. According to her, it gave her space but also let her know I was there for her.

2. Having another trusted adult in my daughter’s life gave her space from me but gave her a safe person to talk to if she wanted to. My daughter felt safe enough to talk when she needed to.

3. When she did communicate with me, I would listen without judgment. According to her, this made her feel secure and comfortable.

4. She said by bringing food to her room instead of demanding, she come out of her room, it showed her that I respected her feelings. I met her where she was at instead of insisting on the opposite.

5. Inviting her on walks, to play family games, and watch TV, made her feel wanted even if she didn’t want to join.

Hearing these words from my daughter’s perspective made me feel like Russell did at the end of the movie.  During the heartwarming scene, Carl surprises Russell by showing up at the Wilderness Explorer ceremony and pinning Russell’s well-earned badge on his wilderness sash. The scene ends with a big hug and the two of them eating ice cream together. I know every parenting situation is not like the end of a Pixar movie, and I certainly haven’t earned any badges, but I do hope my story encourages you. If you’re experiencing similar issues, you’re not alone. I know how hard it is to raise a teenager. When your teenager is grumpy and wants to be left alone, be relentless and let your unconditional love shine through. The ending is worth it.

Related: Movies to See With Your Kids before They Turn 12

Jamie is married to her high school sweetheart and has three beautiful daughters. Through years of experience working with children, and raising her own, she knows how difficult parenting can be. She is an advocate for children's mental health and is best known for her creativity, optimism, and kind heart.

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2023 Poll Shows Tooth Fairy Is Dishing Out More Cash Than Ever

by Gabby Cullen

The going rate for the Tooth Fairy might surprise you

How much should a kid get when they lose a tooth? If you’re unsure what the going rate is for the tooth fairy, Delta Dental Plans Association’s Original Tooth Fairy Poll has an answer. According to the 2023 Original Tooth Fairy Poll®, the average value of a single lost tooth during the past year increased by 16% from $5.36 to $6.23, a record high in the 25-year history of the poll.

poll that shows the going rate for the tooth fairy
Delta Dental

Even though the average under-the-pillow cash gift was over $6, the magic number did vary depending on the geographic area. This year, kids living in the South saw the highest returns, with an average of $6.59 per tooth, an increase of 14% from last year’s findings. Kids in the West saw a huge increase (53%!) with the per-tooth average coming in at $6.25. In the Northeast, the average dropped to $6.14, down from $7.36 in 2022. The Midwest is still trailing the national average at $5.36, but there was still a 32% increase over last year’s rates.

Related: Our Exclusive Interview with the Tooth Fairy

Of the poll, Gabriella Ferroni, Senior Director, Strategic Communications, says, “Delta Dental has been analyzing the Tooth Fairy’s U.S. annual giving trends for a quarter century, highlighting the role of good oral health care habits for children “We know this time-honored tradition will continue to bring great joy to homes across the country, and we look forward to seeing how the Tooth Fairy’s giving changes over the next 25 years. Given the projection, it would be in the Tooth Fairy’s best interest to invest in a larger purse.”

Historically, the Original Tooth Fairy Poll® mirrors the U.S. economy, tracking with the trends Standard & Poor’s 500 Index (S&P 500), but this year, the average price for a tooth increased 16% while the S&P 500 experienced an 11% decline.

—with additional reporting by Erica Loop

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10 Words & Phrases You Might Not Know Are Racist

by Mimi Nartey

Remember, the kids are listening

Raising our kids in this day and age isn’t always easy, and what we say, both to our kids and to one another, really matters. Unintentional hurtful communication is a reality, but with time and a greater understanding of one another’s experiences, we can learn to communicate with sensitivity—especially when it comes to dismantling racism and promoting social justice in our communities. After polling members of a diverse social justice parenting network, we’re sharing 10 racist words and phrases that should be avoided as we try to manifest a more inclusive and fair society.

"I don't see color."

Iranian woman looking away
Soroush Karimi via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: Because we live in a society where people are targeted or denied opportunities because of the color of their skin, it can be insensitive to people of color’s experiences of injustice to make this kind of statement. Saying you don’t see color could be interpreted to mean that you are not aware of, or concerned by, the systemic bias that maintains disproportionate vulnerability for people of color in American society.

More importantly, as a society, we are striving for equity, not assimilation. Being different is not inherently negative; this is a false and divisive worldview. Just as in natural ecology, diversity makes our communities more resilient. We need to acknowledge that we do see differences in skin color but need to be careful not to consciously or unconsciously ascribe negative meaning to the colors that we see. 

How to better align our language with our intentions: Perhaps a more thoughtful alternative would be: “I try not to judge people by their skin color.” This is a solid approach because it signals that you are actively engaged in a process of learning and growth.

Referring to an Asian or Asian American person as “oriental.”

beautiful asian woman
Anthony Tran via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: As a term previously used to dehumanize people, “oriental” is a word that can evoke a racist history and make people feel disenfranchised. To understand this, we have to appreciate the origin and historical usage. Scholars, like Erika Lee, have noted that the word “oriental” was tied to anti-Asian sentiment, violence, and xenophobic legislation (such as lynching and the Chinese Exclusion Act) in the 19th and 20th centuries. In 2016, President Obama had the word “oriental” stricken from federal law.

How to better align our language with our intentions: “She looked to me like she could be of Asian descent.” This acknowledges the limitations in our ability to accurately determine anyone’s race but is a geographically and politically relevant attempt to describe someone.

"I am not racist; my best friend is Black."

Two women laughing
Liz Weddon via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: This is a challenging statement because it compounds a denial of our existential need for growth with the myth of racial homogeneity. In general, there is always room to grow in our sensitivity and awareness; there is never a time that we should articulate our social position as so perfect that we are above reproach or education. 

Also, since your friendship with that person of color is probably not predicated on the sole premise of dismantling systemic racism, it is illogical to leverage that relationship in a conversation about racism. You don’t want to exploit and undermine your authentic friendships simply to justify an unwillingness to hear how your words or actions made someone else feel.

How to better align our language with our intentions: Be vulnerable enough to admit that you had not intended to be racist, but there are sometimes disconnections between our intentions and our actions. A more effective statement could be: “I have never been made aware that these actions/this language could be racist or hurtful.” 

Calling an Indigenous person an "Indian."

Calling an Indigenous person an Indian is a racist phrase
iStock

How this can be hurtful: There is such a complex history and narrative with Indigenous Americans who are caught between dehumanizing exoticism and the false perceptions of exploiting government “hand-outs.” Any kind of explicit language, comments or questions reflecting either of these points of view can be problematic. However, it can also be subtly disempowering to call people by a name given to them by their colonizers, rather than using the names that they call themselves. 

According to a 1997 survey of Native American college and high school students, reported in Native Americas, more than 96% identified themselves with their specific indigenous nation, and only a little more than half of these youths identified themselves as American citizens. While most of us are not going to be able to discern between indigenous ethnic groups, we should be able to perceive the difference between a person descended from India (an Indian) and a Native person.*

How to better align our language with our intentions: “He is Indigenous” or “he is Native” are better options. Using this language at least acknowledges the connection between indigenous heritage and the land that comprises the United States of America.

*It is worth noting that native is a term that can be used pejoratively, but generically it means “first.”

“You are not really like other Mexican people” or “You don’t even seem Asian to us” or “You are not Black-Black.”

multi-racial group of teens together
iStock

How this can be hurtful: Statements like these are making an exception of an individual within a racial group. These are especially hurtful because they are full of tangled racist nuances. In a single sentence like this, you are making several simultaneous assertions that you probably don’t intend:

  • You are expressing a biased or narrow view of a racial group.
  • You are saying that you accept this individual on the contingency that they do not align their behavior too closely with the stereotypes of their actual racial group.
  • You are attempting to establish yourself as the arbiter of someone else’s racial identity.
  • You are disenfranchising this person from the racial group to which they belong, leaving them without any true social “safe place.”

The person of color on the receiving end of this statement is stuck between a rock and a hard place. The options are either: (1) to reject this offer to assimilate and risk confrontation and fall out in real time or (2) to accept this contingent social proposition and cooperate in systemic racism by reinforcing stereotypes and validating narrow worldviews.

How to better align our language with our intentions: A better approach would be:  “I feel like we have a lot in common.” This signals that you are prioritizing the things that unite you over the things that divide you, which is a step towards humanity.

There are also phrases used daily that can be problematic. Here are some common expressions with racist origins:

iStock

Gyped/Jipped: This term originated as a racially derogatory word for the nomadic Romani people who have been the target of unfounded accusations of theft.

Grandfathered In: This expression was introduced into our vernacular with the passing of the 15th Amendment. Once Black people were granted the right to vote, several states created prerequisites for voting. The “grandfather clause” exempted white people (who were lineal descendants of people who were allowed to vote before the federal legislation) from having to pass literacy tests or pay poll taxes to qualify to vote.

Moron: This word was submitted by eugenicist Henry Goddard to describe people of inferior genetic characteristics. In 1913, he and his staff classified 40% of Hungarians, Jews, and Italian immigrants as “moronic” and had them deported.

Long Time, No See: This expression is pidgin English, and it was originally used to mock the way Native Americans and/or Chinese people spoke English.

Peanut Gallery: This is a classist and arguably racist reference to describe the least expensive seating in theaters, which were often occupied by Black theater-goers.

 

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Why Raising Socially Aware Kids Matters

by Mimi Nartey

Kids who respect different worldviews and love all kinds of different people are just two good things that come from being socially aware

Raising children who feel good about who they are, love all different kinds of people, and respect different worldviews is still not mainstream. The good news is that parenting is our greatest social activism because we can influence our children to be more socially aware and compassionate. We can expose them to different environments, cultures, and people, give them opportunities to learn in collaborative settings, and help them find opportunities to serve others. These things will help our children develop the soft skills that they need to be more successful in life and ultimately transform the culture of our society. Here are five specific reasons why being socially aware matters.

Kids who are socially aware will develop and display greater emotional intelligence

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A child who is trained to be socially aware can empathize with the perspectives of others, listen empathically and display vulnerability. These are the skills that comprise emotional intelligence. According to Salovey and Mayer (1990), emotional intelligence is a “set of skills that contribute to the accurate appraisal and expression of emotion in oneself and others, the effective regulation of emotion, and the use of feelings to motivate, plan, and achieve in one’s life.” Research suggests that emotional intelligence may be a greater predictor of success than IQ, so these skills are important to the growth and development of your children. Children who can imagine what others are going through will be better able to perceive, use, understand and manage emotions, which will ultimately serve them in learning and achieving their goals.

Kids who are socially aware will be better prepared to be leaders

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Being socially aware means that you understand how to react to different social scenarios, and you can adapt your interactions to achieve the best results in any situation.  A child who develops the sophistication to read people and situations will be able to gain friends, influence people, and motivate and inspire others. According to renowned executive coach, Maren Perry, it is great to have a strong understanding of your skills, values, and emotions and to be able to focus and manage your emotions, “However, outstanding leaders balance this self-focused drive with a healthy amount of empathy and organizational awareness to leverage others to accomplish more than they can alone.”

Related: 10 Ways Parents Can Fight for Social Justice Every Day

Kids who are socially aware will have greater self-awareness and self-acceptance

Jonathan Borba via Unsplash

According to the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, while self-awareness “involves looking inward to learn about yourself and understand yourself, social awareness is looking outward to learn about and appreciate others.” This is a reciprocal process of learning that involves understanding yourself and understanding others to greater and greater depths. A child will learn to appreciate their personality and individuality as they learn to authentically respect the experiences and perspectives of others. They will develop the ability to see themselves more clearly and evaluate themselves through introspection. Essentially, as a child learns to step outside of their own experience, they will learn how to be critically self-reflective as well.

Kids who are socially aware are more likely to practice gratitude

volunteering at a food bank is a great way to teach kids how to be grateful
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According to the Character Lab, gratitude is "appreciation of the benefits we receive from others and the desire to reciprocate." To be grateful, you need to be aware of the benefits you receive from others and understand how to reciprocate appropriately. Gratitude is a social and emotional learning skill that is built from in-person interactions, meaningful discussion, and reflection. 

Gratitude is associated with many positive outcomes including more satisfying social relationships and decreased distress and mental illness. There are four components to gratitude, as identified by UNC-Chapel Hill’s Raising Grateful Children Project:

  • Noticing: Did someone do something nice for you? Did someone give you something or take you somewhere fun?
  • Thinking: What are all the reasons you’re thankful for this? Why do you think someone did something nice for you? Does this mean something to you? 
  • Feeling: When you think about these special things or people, how do you feel?
  • Doing: What can you actively do to express your gratitude for this person, place, or thing? 

Social awareness supports a grateful attitude in children because they learn to be humble and appreciative as they consider the perspectives of others.

Related: 10 Words & Phrases You Might Not Know Are Racist

Kids who are socially aware can persevere and find greater purpose in life

October birthday
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Finally, research has also shown that individuals with greater social awareness and higher emotional intelligence perform better on cognitive tasks and are better able to overcome frustration when faced with challenges performing these tasks. Perseverance comes from a growth mindset. A child who approaches learning with humility and open-mindedness is going to be more resilient in their processes. This combination of compassion and resilience will support children in finding and achieving greater purpose in their lives through strong relationships, flexibility of thought, and persistence toward their goals.

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15 Easy Waterfall Hikes to Take with Kids Now

by Allison Sutcliffe

The mild clime of the PNW means taking the kids on a nearby Seattle waterfall hike is pretty much a year-round activity

With all the rain we’ve had this spring, now is a great time to go on a waterfall hike with the kids, muddy trails and all. Sure, you can find gurgling fountains and even a few hidden waterfalls in Seattle’s parks and gardens. But there’s something special about hearing the sound of rushing water before spotting a flowing waterfall through thick forest trees. So the next time the sun decides to make an appearance (hey, we can dream can’t we?), take to the trails in search of cascading waterfalls that aren’t too far from Seattle with your crew. Here’s where to find them.

Waterfalls near Seattle

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Snoqualmie Falls

Distance: 1.5 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Leashed dogs are welcome.
Online: snoqualmiefalls.com

When it comes to Seattle-area waterfall hikes, Snoqualmie tops the list. Each year over a million visitors are beckoned by the majestic sights and sounds of Snoqualmie Falls and for good reason. A mesmerizing 1000 cubic-feet of water per second pounds into the Snoqualmie River from a 268-foot drop, while cool mists and rainbows float up from its splashes. Mini-hikers will love the interpretive plaques describing the wildlife, flora and fauna of the region, as well as discovering there are two power plant facilities located at the falls. To enjoy this waterfall hike, start from the upper parking lot and follow the path that winds from the railed observation platform, behind the gift shop and then down a moderately steep grade to the lower observation platform. If it has been a while since you’ve visited, a new lower parking lot is available for those who want to get that up-climb done and out-of-the-way first.

Fees: The upper and power parking lots are free, but the main parking area is fee parking.
Good to Know: After your trek, take a historic trip through the town of Snoqualmie—this is where you will find tasty eats, a candy shop and a train museum to boot.
Find It: Interstate 90 east to Highway 18 west

Cherry Creek Falls

Kids wade into the pool below cherry creek falls a seattle waterfall hikes
Kylie Kirkland

Distance: 5 miles round-trip
Good For: Hearty, adventurous preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Leashed dogs are welcome.
Online: wta.org

A bit of a longer hike, this one should be on everyone's gotta try list, and not just because it ends at an inviting pool. Although the mileage is a bit longer for little legs, there isn't too much overall gain, so hearty kids can make the trek, although it may take some time. Cross bridges and find magical hollowed out trees as you make your way along Cherry Creek. When you get to the river crossing (bring your walking stick and wear waterproof shoes) You'll come out at the top of the falls, but you can follow the trail down and wade in (just be careful) to cool off. You earned it!

Fees: Free
Good to Know: Access to these falls includes a short .5-mile hike through an easement within private property. For this reason it's extra important to stay on the path, keep dogs on a leash and pack out all your trash when visiting these falls.
Find It: Off of Mountain View Road in Duvall

Related: Easy Hikes for Seattle Families to Take Now

Twin Falls

Distance: 2.5 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Leashed dogs are allowed
Online: wta.org

This stunning beauty is less than 45 minutes away from Seattle in Ollalie State Park and is an easy family waterfall hike you will want to revisit every year. Kids will love foraging the winding path of salmonberry bushes then trekking the moss-covered conifer forest along Snoqualmie River’s south fork. Enjoy peek-a-boo views of the upper falls before traversing a bridge and then descending stairs to the magical lower falls viewpoint.

Fees: A Discover Pass is required and can be purchased at the trailhead.
Find It: Exit 38 off Interstate 90, near North Bend

Franklin Falls

People gather at the base of Franklin Falls, a seattle waterfall hike
Carolyn Woodhouse

Distance: 2 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Dogs on leashes are welcome
Online: wta.org

This short, easy waterfall hike has such a beautiful payoff at the end even your doubting hike-critic will be raving about it all summer. Make your way across mini bridges and up wooden stairs while taking in breathtaking views of Denny Creek along the way. You will want to hold your little one’s hand as you maneuver the last rocky 100 feet to the base of the falls where you can sit on the rocks and enjoy a snack under the cool misting spray. Plan to find the Denny Creek natural waterslides when you're in the area. May as well make a day of it!

Fees: A Northwest Forest Pass is required
Good to Know: This is a popular hike, so be sure to arrive early to find parking and beat the crowds.
Find It: East on Interstate 90, near North Bend

Related: The Secret Storybook Hike to Take on a Day Off

Waterfalls in the Cascade Range

Boulder River Trail

Distance: 3 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Dogs on leashes are allowed
Online: wta.org

You won’t be disappointed rising early to trek this gentle hike with three waterfalls and breathtaking river views. Kids will love pounding the trail through the majestic old-growth forest with wildflowers, salmonberries and ferns of many varieties. The highlight of the trail is the spectacular Feature Show waterfall with its twin ribbons of water-flow veiling down a mossy rock wall into Boulder River. By 1.5 miles, you will reach the last waterfall and a good place to turn around if you’ve got minis in tow. Otherwise, the trail continues another three miles and ends at a popular picnic spot on the river.

Fees: Free parking
Good to Know: The forest service road to the trail has some potholes, but are manageable for most vehicles.
Find It: Interstate 5 to State Route 530, near Arlington

Bridal Veil Falls

Seattle waterfall hikes include bridal veil falls where kids cross a fallen log with the waterfall in the distance
Kylie Kirkland

Distance: 4 miles round-trip
Good For: Ambitions, sure-footed kids ready to maneuver over rocky streams and charge up steeper inclines.
Woof!: Dogs on leashes are permitted
Online: wta.org

Get set to get wet! This Seattle waterfall hike trail starts on an old service road before forking onto a rocky footpath through a mossy forest of Maples and Red Alderwood trees. Kids will love hopping over gushing streams while catching glimpses of Mount Index through the forest canopy. When you’ve reached the falls take little ones on the easier path to the left for a gorgeous view of Bridal Veil Creek plunging down a 100-foot rock wall. Heading right takes you up a steep series of stairs for a close-up and refreshing look at the misting waterfall.

Fees: A Northwest Forest Pass is required for parking
Good to Know: Be sure to wear sturdy, waterproof shoes and pack an extra pair of socks for stream crossing and rocky paths. Also, use extreme caution on the wet rocks.
Find It: Interstate 5 north to Highway 2. Approximately 21 miles east of Monroe.

Wallace Falls

Distance: 4.8 miles round-trip
Good For: Energetic preschoolers and older kids with patient parents who are prepared to take breaks or turn around early if needed.
Woof!: Dogs on leashes are allowed
Online: wta.org

This popular, well maintained path along the Wallace River has all the bells and whistles for a fantastic family outing. Mile markers guide the journey as you wander through an old-growth coniferous forest with benches and natural resting spots along the way, perfect for quick snack breaks. Be sure to take a right at the junction onto Woody Trail where you will begin to ascend the long stretch of switchbacks to the first scenic look of the lower falls. After a lunch break at the picnic shelter, journey the last half-mile to middle falls for a stunning view of the majestic five-tier waterfall, and a good place to turn around.

Fees: A Discover Pass is required for parking
Find It: Interstate 5 to Highway 2 near Gold Bar

Waterfalls in Mt. Rainier National Park

Myrtle Falls

Distance: 1 mile round-trip
Good For: Stroller friendly, for everyone
Woof!: No pets allowed
Online: nps.gov/mora/learn/nature/waterfalls

If a family trip to Mount Rainier is on your summer bucket list then be sure to venture the dreamy, paved portion of Skyline Trail from Paradise Lodge to Myrtle Falls. Discover breathtaking views of The Mountain flanked by subalpine meadows of Mountain Daisies, Arrowleaf Groundsel and Magenta Paintbrush. Spend some time gazing at the falls from the bridge overpass and then return to the lodge the way you came. If you’re planning to continue the 6-mile loop to Panorama Point you’ll want your hiking boots, water, sunblock and lunch, as the rest of the trail is a real climb.

Fees: Mount Rainier National Park entrance fee (fourth graders and their families visit Free)
Find It: Interstate 5 south to SR 512, SR 7 and SR 706 to the Nisqually entrance

Related: Discover Washington State Parks' Best Kept Secret: Cozy Cabins

Carter & Madcap Falls

Distance: 2-7 miles round-trip
Good For: Intrepid kids ready to cross a river on a sturdy, but narrow log foot bridge
Woof!: No pets allowed
Online: nps.gov/mora/learn/nature/waterfalls

This easy hike is part of the 93-mile Wonderland Trail and begins at the Cougar Rock Campground, two miles east of Longmire. A flat trail that wanders through river rock and old-growth forest following an old water pipeline up to the waterfall lookout. Be sure to hold your mini-adventure seeker’s hand while crossing the Nisqually River on a log footbridge. The two falls are within steps of each other and the entire journey is approximately 2.2 miles round-trip.

Options: If you’re trekking with experienced nature explorers, the hike can be extended by starting at Longmire and heading east on the Wonderland Trail for a fairly flat 7.2 mile round-trip journey. During the added miles, enjoy views of the Nisqually River as you weave in an out of a forest of Douglas Fir and Cedar trees. Alternatively, you can also take the Narada Falls trailhead that junctions with the Wonderland trail and hike down to the other two falls. Keep in mind that the hike back up to complete the 6-mile round-trip venture will be challenging.

Fees: Mount Rainier National Park entrance fee (fourth graders and their families visit Free)
Find It: Interstate 5 south to SR 512, SR 7 and SR 706 to the Nisqually entrance

Silver Falls

Distance: 3 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: No pets allowed
Online: nps.gov/mora/learn/nature/waterfalls

Located on the southeast side of Mount Rainier, the breathtakingly clean and clear, glacial Ohanapecosh River spills down a series of steps before plunging 40 feet into a large blue pool. This well-groomed, relatively flat waterfall hike begins at the Ohanapecosh Campground and travels along the river under a canopy of moss-draped hemlocks. Kids that easily bore will love that this trail loops, making the return trip to the car a novel experience.

Fees: Mount Rainier National Park entrance fee (fourth graders and their families visit Free)
Find It: From Enumclaw, east on State Route 410 and south on State Route 123 to the Ohanapecosh Campground.

Little Mashel Falls

Distance: 5.5 miles round-trip
Good For: Sure-footed kids capable of handling slippery and muddy conditions
Woof!: Leashed dogs are welcome
Online: nps.gov/mora/learn/nature/waterfalls

Ready for a challenge? Navigating the trails to Little Mashel Falls is more of a scavenger hunt than a hike, but once you finally reach your destination you’ll find the payoff is much grander than its name describes. Little Mashel River falls along the foothills of Mount Rainier through Pack Forest, University of Washington’s School of Environmental and Forest Sciences. The river cascades down three major drops with the 125-foot Little Mashel Falls triumphing as the largest. To reach this stunning beauty head from the Pack Forest administration building and make a left onto RD 1000 (Lathrop Drive). Follow the gravel forest road for about 1.8 miles before taking a left onto RD 1070. Look for a rock with the word “Falls” and an arrow painted in blue on it. Here’s where it gets tricky because there’s more than one trail to follow, but if you make a hairpin turn toward the grassy path near a pond you’re on the right track. Take a right at the junction where a tree is marked with yellow diamonds, then turn left at the trail signed for Middle Falls. Trail conditions can be very muddy, so be sure to hike in sturdy boots or shoes, and bring a change of clothes for the car ride home.

Fees: Free parking
Find It: Interstate 5 south to SR 512 and SR 7. Follow to the University of Washington Pack Forest entrance on the left.

Martha Falls

Distance: 2 miles round-trip
Good For: Intrepid kiddos ready to cross a stream on a sturdy, but narrow log foot-bridge
Woof!: No pets allowed
Online: nps.gov/mora/learn/nature/waterfalls

A portion of Martha Falls can be seen from Stevens Canyon Road in Mount Rainier National Park, but to get a closer look at this 670-foot behemoth you’ll have to ramble along a small, gentile portion of the Wonderland Trail. From a pull-out located less than a mile past The Bench (a hairpin turn on Stevens Canyon Road), walk back along the road to the marker for the Wonderland Trail. Descend along the old growth, tree-lined path to the base of the waterfall at Unicorn Creek. A log foot-bridge will take you across the creek for the best view.

Fees: Mount Rainier National Park Entrance Fee (fourth graders and their families visit Free)
Good to Know: Stevens Canyon Road closes during snowy conditions. Be sure to check Mount Rainier’s road report before heading out.
Find It: Interstate 5 south to SR 512, SR 7 and SR 706 to the Nisqually entrance. Follow past Longmire towards Paradise. Take a right onto Stevens Canyon Road and continue about a half-mile past The Bench (a sharp switchback in the road–you can’t miss it!) Park on shoulder then hike back up to the trailhead.

Related: Elevate Your Game: Easy Hikes to Take in Mt. Rainier

Waterfalls on the Olympic Peninsula

Murhut Falls

seattle watefall hikes with a family at Murhut falls
Anika Blake

Distance: 1.6 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Pets are not allowed
Online: wta.org

If you are planning to venture to the Olympic Peninsula this summer be sure and make your way to the magnificent two-tiered Murhut Falls in the Duckabush Recreation Area. This short walking path will likely give you the tranquility and solitude you have been seeking as the trail is relatively unknown. Starting from an old logging road, the hike gently climbs through the dimly lit understory of Douglas Firs before traveling a steeper ascent to the lookout. Be sure to keep an eye on little ones while making the final climb, as the trail narrows with a steep drop-off to one side. If you are lucky enough to make the journey in late spring, kiddos will be delighted by bursts of eye-catching pink rhododendrons adorning the path.

Fees: The Olympic National Park entrance fee
Find It: South on Highway 101 to the Duckabush Recreation area

Marymere Falls

Distance: 2 miles round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Pets are not allowed
Online: wta.org

Marymere Falls Trail, located within eye-shot of Lake Crescent, begins as a flat path starting from Storm King Ranger Station. As you wander through the canopy of humongous conifers and maple trees be sure to snap a few shots next to one of these giants to gain perspective on how large they really are. After crossing a bridge over Barnes Creek, the path will start to climb before reaching the first viewing point. Take a moment to soak up the spray of this 90-foot plummeting beauty from across the moss walled pool. If the kids still have energy to burn, climb further up the stairs to the right for the upper perspective of the falls.

Fees: The Olympic National Park entrance fee
Find It: 20 miles west of Port Angeles on Highway 101

Sol Duc Falls & Lover's Lane Loop

people line the sides of seattle waterfall hikes at sol duc falls
Allison Sutcliffe

Distance: 1.6 round-trip
Good For: Wee ones in carriers, tenacious toddlers, energetic preschoolers and older kids
Woof!: Pets are not allowed
Online: wta.org

This beautiful waterfall flows from the Sol Duc River then splits into four channels before plummeting into a narrow canyon. The short hike starts at the end of Sol Duc Road and travels an easy, wide path through towering old growth trees with sounds of trickling streams to add to the beauty. Kids will enjoy making their way past an old cabin and over simple wooden bridges along the way before finding the falls. Stop there and turn around or continue along Lover's Loop for more magical finds. 

Fees: The Olympic National Park entrance fee
Good to Know: Add an extra 4 miles to the hike by starting at the Lovers Lane Trail at Sol Duc Hot Springs.
Find It: Following 101 west, 30 miles from Port Angeles  

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The Stress of Parenting Turned Me into a Perfectionist—and It Almost Killed Me

By Amy Jorgensen

It happened just today. I woke up fine. It was a beautiful day and I was ready to conquer it!

Breakfast. Check. Water flowers. Check. Get out deck furniture. Check. Laundry washed. Check. Check. Check. Make lunch. Check. Shower and get ready. Check. Read a self-help book. Check. And then the paralysis snuck in.

Somewhere between being exhausted and overwhelmed with all I “should” be doing was me—pinned between the two emotions so suddenly I couldn’t move. I was angry. Frustrated. And as time passed, the shame settled in.

The kids were watching a movie on a beautiful summer day. Bad Mom.

I have a million things that need to be organized and cleaned. Lazy.

I could be reading or writing or learning something. Weak. Apply something you’ve learned! I kept shouting in my head. But I wasn’t sure what I had learned. Have I learned anything to help me deal with this? What is this? Anxiety? The depression? Did I let the bad thoughts in? I was supposed to control those. Should I call someone? How could I bother anyone? Who would I call? Everyone is working. Everyone is busy. And I’m not. I’m lying here—pinned.

I’m doing nothing. Lazy. Weak. Bad. And here I am. Beginning. All. Over. Again. I was reminded of how fragile I am. It was OK to be fragile a couple of months ago when I finally started seeing a therapist after episodes that included suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I was fighting for my life then; I was fighting for my family. I had to be gentle with myself. Forgiving.

It was OK that I didn’t cook dinner, that I did nothing but breathe all day long. It was OK to take a nap and let the kids watch too much TV. It was OK that we ate Hot Pockets too often and spent money we didn’t have on fast food. It was OK that the house was a constant mess. It was OK.

But somehow since then, as I slowly started to clean more, slowly began to make meals instead of heating them up, slowly started to do a little more than just breathe, I fell back into being a perfectionist. I began expecting more of myself. I began thinking I was OK because I was doing more.

But Brene Brown emphasizes that perfectionism isn’t the same thing as striving for excellence. “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame,” she says. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.”

I can’t even express how well this describes me! I don’t want to be weak, lazy or bad, not to mention all the other unkind shaming thoughts that race through my mind. So I use the little strength I have left to lift that giant shield up to cover the fragile me. The shield of having a perfectly clean house. The shield of making breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day. The shield of having the laundry done and put away. The shield of devouring self-help books that give an illusion of healing. The shield of being organized. On and on. The shield is heavy. No wonder I become exhausted so quickly.

No wonder I am pinned down and frustrated with my own weakness and fragility.

I can’t hold it up for long anymore. And trying to has made me weaker and weaker. You see, I have been on this journey of growth for over a year now. I started writing almost every day and I read books by the best on becoming whole, better, happier. I became more organized with Marie Kondo and started a bullet journal to track and remember everything. I set goals and accomplished them. I spent time serving, being with family and with friends.

My journey and the understanding I gained are documented through these beautiful books and methods and habits, but I was missing something vital. I had unknowingly used all the wonderful things I had learned and added them to my shield. And oh, how it grew.

My shield was big, shiny, and clean. Witty and nice. It was helpful and willing. It showed up for everything, said yes, agreed, allowed. Performed. Damn. It was like Captain Freaking America’s shield. And oh how well I carried that shield. But under it was me. Just me. Amy. And Amy, although master at yielding fancy shields, was deeply tired. She was small.

The shield did its job well. She wasn’t seen; she wasn’t heard. People admired that shield. They enjoyed it. They loved it. So she believed she needed it, that they wouldn’t love and admire her without it. She had put so much work into creating it, but one day she was so exhausted that it came down. And frightened, fragile Amy couldn’t lift it back up.

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. And the shame and the pain swarmed. And there I was, beginning, again. And today, as I set that pretty shield back down on the ground, I am beginning, again. It is time for me—not my shield—to grow.

*If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away by calling your mental health specialist or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

Originally published June 2020. This post originally appeared on My Peace Project.

RELATED LINKS
I Know Why You’re Exhausted
I Gave Everything I Had to My Kids—and It Was Too Much
Why I Stopped Overcompensating for My Kids’ Absent Dad

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

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