The other night was “wine night” for a few moms in my neighborhood. We do this every couple of months when we get together for our “PTO meeting” where we stay out too late, pour one too many, and hit the alarm clock more than we should the next morning. The most recent one was last week. I desperately needed a glass of wine and some girl talk, but having a five-week old baby meant that I also desperately need sleep.
Wine or sleep? Wine or sleep? (The struggle is real!)
Then the voice of a good friend came through with some words of wisdom, a piece of mom advice that I always refer back to when I’m stuck in a situation where I really want to do something, but question whether I can fit it all in.
Let me tell you this is one of the best pieces of parenting advice that I ever received. It’s simple. It’s easy. It’s a no-brainer. But for some reason, it’s something that I always had a hard time implementing until recently. Ready for it?!
Say no to things that you may really want to do if it will make your life easier.
Sounds easy, right? Who doesn’t want to make their life easier? I mean we’re told in the workforce to say no all the time. It’ll help advance your career path. It’ll lighten your load. Heck, we say no to our kids all the time! Recently I have even seen books on why it is healthy to say no. But for my type A personality I always feel like I can figure out a way to make it all happen all the while stressing myself in the process—its just my personality. For better or worse I am a people pleaser which makes exercising this “rule” pretty hard at times. It’s hard to turn down things that you or someone in your family really want to do (like go drink some wine down the street).
Truth be told, putting it into action has literally saved me time and sanity. Let me give you some examples…
That birthday party for your kid’s classmate that starts at 7:30 pm when your kid goes to bed at 8 pm. Say no. When you’re invited to somebody’s house for a weekend get-together and you already have two other things to do right before then, say no. When school asks for you to help with volunteering for the next event but you’re not sure you can pick up your other kids and make it there in time, say no. When you get invited to Adele’s concert but you’re not feeling well and coming off a work trip, say no. When you want to catch some zzz’s even though you want some gal time, go for the sleep!
I found that there is always another time for these events, invitations, volunteering, etc. There will always be more birthday parties, get togethers, school fundraisers, and even concerts to attend. Your sanity, health, and time are more important! So do as we teach our kids when it comes to drugs—JUST SAY NO! You’ll thank me for it.
Erin is a working mom of two exploring ways to embrace change and find new hobbies in her search for life outside of Corporate America. She lives in Bucks County Pennsylvania with her husband, two kids, and Boston Terrier. She also loves ice cream and chocolate. A lot.
Ahh, new motherhood. You go from dreaming of the day your baby will arrive to holding that tiny, wriggling bundle in your arms and thinking, “What the heck do I do now?” Hang tight! We’re here to help. We asked experienced moms to tell us one thing they wish they’d known when they first became parents, and they really delivered—from wisdom on sleep to life-changing self-care tips, and getting perspective on those intense early days. But the one thing they all agreed on is the most important of all: that you’re doing an amazing job.
Adjusting to Mom Life
“In the beginning, I wish I knew how to roll with it, not get frustrated, and that I would need lots of patience…. I was used to being in control and having some order to my life. My kids came into the picture and all of that was thrown out the window! Now they’ve broken me in and I roll with everything, but I remember that part being really hard for me.” — Kathy
“If I had a dime for every time I did something that I said I would never do when I was a know-it-all childless woman, I’d be rich.” — Jessie
“Do NOT let all the do’s & don’ts of parenting discourage you. As long as you keep your baby safe, healthy, and nurtured… you are doing a beautiful job. DON’T compare yourself to other moms! It’s not healthy!” — Ruthie
“I wish I had spent my time reading about postpartum rather than pregnancy books. During pregnancy, you have a doctor guiding you. But postpartum, you pretty much are on your own, and getting a counselor does not mean you are a bad parent.” — Reyna
“The most profound thing I heard and will never forget… Your baby was attached to you for 9 months. For the first 6 months of their life, they don’t actually realize they are still not a part of you! Love on that baby like they are still attached to you.” — Tara
“You will be a crazy emotional wreck (and a total a-hole at times) for the first ~6 months, but that’s okay because you just created another human being in your body.” — Sanaz
Getting Through Those Tough Moments
“I wish I had known that sometimes babies cry for no reason. They are not broken, and you didn’t do anything wrong. It will eventually get better; just breathe and try to comfort your new human!” — Melissa
“Take each stage as a stage. If things are really hard, just breathe. Your baby will hit a new milestone in a few weeks and things will change. The first year is like a book with all these mini-chapters, and you’ll be on to the next one before you realize it.” — Erin
“He isn’t GIVING you a hard time; he’s HAVING a hard time. (The wisest words I ever received from my mother-in-law.) It has helped me every single day of motherhood to keep their needs and moods in perspective.” — Elizabeth
“There are no mistakes, you learn as you go, and trust that you and your baby will figure it out and grow together. I thought I was so prepared with the books, asking mommy friends and relatives, and at the end of it, I just threw that all out and took those deep breaths and went with it.” — Sheilah
“It’s okay to breastfeed and be comfortable enough to do so in public. Took until my third child to be able to do so and have no shame or embarrassment.” — Brittany
“Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning, and that’s normal. Imagine washing your calloused hands 30 minutes straight every 2 hours—they’d crack and bleed too! Your nipples are nowhere near as calloused as your hands, so be patient with yourself and baby because it’s a learning process.” — Jeni
“Don’t be discouraged or beat yourself up if your milk supply doesn’t come in like you want or expected. Or if your baby simply isn’t interested. Just keep trying and don’t give up… if that’s what you choose. And if it’s just not working for you and/or baby, then allow yourself to bottle-feed without the guilt!” — Jamie
Sleep: That Thing You Used to Do Whenever You Wanted
“Not all babies are wired to sleep through the night. I don’t sleep through the night, and neither does my kid. Professionals actually consider sleeping through the night to be 5 hours, not 8 or 12.” — Erin
“You will hear, ‘Sleep when the baby does,’ but for some of us, that is impossible. Ask for help and have a trusted hero [to] give you a few hours of sleep!” — Lauren
“You never know what you’re going to get. Try and rest as much as possible but don’t stress if you can’t. There is always the chance you get a sleep-through-the-night-early baby.” — Sarah
“Your body will change. Some of those changes are permanent, some are fleeting, some of them hurt, some will take you months to notice. Embracing the changes—good and bad—is the best way to get through them. (I named my hemorrhoids…it felt better than crying every day… just saying.) And at the end of it all, you will be stronger than you ever knew possible. — Paige
“The hair loss! Not once during or after my pregnancy did anyone talk about the possible postpartum hair loss. I thought I was losing all of my hair.” — Madison
“I wish I had known that I would pee a little every time I sneezed for the rest of my life.” — Katie
“It is okay to let baby cry for a couple minutes. It’s okay to shower and leave them in the crib even if they are crying (if they are crying, they are ALIVE!). And it’s okay to go out and leave baby home with dad. (All learned the hard way.)” — Bella
“Postpartum anxiety is real! Get help and don’t be ashamed. Sometimes, you can’t help how you think and feel. You’re not alone.” — Marisol
“Don’t underestimate the power of support. If you don’t have that built-in (family, friends), hire someone whose main focus is to support you.” — Jacquie
“Remember: Under 2 years, playdates aren’t for them, they’re for you.” — Liz
“YOUR health is still most important. Take care of your needs too.” — Morgan
“Have a good friend who you can call and cry about your actual life, but who you can call too and talk about how amazing your baby’s development is, and how proud you are.” — Tania
“Learn to program your coffeemaker. Such a great self-care thing to do at the end of the day to have something nice in the morning!” — Rachel
Leave The House During Those Early Days (Yes, Really!)
“Go out to dinners with your significant other/spouse and baby while they’re not mobile and sleep a lot. It feels daunting to go out in public with a newborn, but that’s when they’re the easiest! And you and your partner can keep the connection going!” — Haruko
“They’re easier when they don’t move. Like, a ton easier. You won’t realize how easy they were until they’re 2 and 3 and you’re pregnant again realizing you feel going to Disneyland seems so doable with a baby that doesn’t move. Life with a newborn seems so simple in retrospect.” — Jeni
What to Buy & What Not to Buy
“Get a simple high chair with no little nooks and crannies — like the IKEA high chair. It is so hard to clean the fancy five-position chairs.” — Sasha
“Don’t buy pajamas with buttons. They are a nightmare! Zippers will make life easier, especially for those diaper changes in the middle of the night.” — Carolyn
“Put Tucks or witch hazel pads in the fridge or freezer. All of your angry parts will thank you.” — Lesley
How Fast It Goes…
“Now that mine is 25 and my grandbaby is 4, the one thing I miss most is the sweet innocence when they are so small. That you are their entire world. Enjoy the cuddles, the softness of their voices, even their tears. It goes so quickly, and before you know it, they’re independent and more interested in everything BUT you.” — Lisa
“I wish I knew that it would be over in the blink of an eye. The first three years are so intense and hard on your marriage and on you mentally…. It feels boring and like you chose the wrong thing, but you aren’t supposed to admit that. So you smile and talk about how it is the best thing that ever happened to you. And it is. But some days you want to choose something else. And then it’s over. Then they eat their food and sleep through the night. They go to the potty and to school. Then those precious baby snuggles turn into a mommy who needs one more snuggle but the baby is too busy. The kids want to go on playdates and sleepovers. They want to spend Saturdays having sleepovers with friends and you are left shuttling them around and missing the days when you could coo at your sweet little baby. Don’t fast-forward. Don’t skip the moments. Don’t tune out and wonder where you’re meant to be or if there is something bigger out there for you. There’s not. This is it and it’s really, really short.” — Trish
My son was 10 when we relocated to a new city and state. And with that move came some new vocabulary as well.
Right away, child-of-mine picked up on the fact that his new classmates were saying, with some frequency, the word “crap,” a syllable I’d strictly forbidden from crossing his sassy little lips. And when he first heard a teacher shamelessly utter the expression, right there in front of her students, he decided we needed to have a little chit-chat on the subject.
Using his powers of persuasion and logic—which are both impressive and infuriating—he convinced me to let him try out this previously banned four-letter word. But I wasn’t thrilled about it—and he knew it.
And so it went. Naturally, he had a very hard time suppressing his newfound fascination with the pseudo-swear. “Crappity-crap-crap-crap!” Suddenly, I was cohabitating with a pint-sized, PG-rated sailor.
“That’s crap!”
“What the crap?”
“Holy crap!”
So we had to set some ground rules. Those three expressions above, yeah, they were nixed immediately. When I proposed he could try “what the heck” instead of “what the crap” or “holy moly” instead of “holy crap,” he guffawed at my old-lady ways, and I glimpsed the teenager he would most likely become. Whether I was uncool or not, he had no choice but to relent to the Mommy-in-Charge.
And so, thank goodness, he began to dial it back. “That’s crap!” transformed into “That’s junk!” (Sigh. Is that really any better?) And we came upon a consensus: No “crapping” in public or in front of family. And no excessive “crappity-crap-crapping” just because you have working vocal cords.
He knew this was a test of his maturity—possibly even a gateway to other privileges—and fortunately, treated it as such. In fact, he’s managed to find a palatable balance among all this crap, and he now only sparingly uses the once-controversial expression.
However, there was one unforeseen hiccup I should have seen coming a mile away. But nope. Oh no. I walked right into it. Just days after this new idiomatic freedom was bestowed upon my child, we had friends over for dinner. Gleefully, he announced to everyone in attendance: “My mom lets me say the C-word now!”
I'm a freelance writer with a background in journalism and corporate communications. My musings focus on living abroad, special needs, my puppy dog and everyday mom stuff. I live in the Midwestern USA with my husband, two sons and rescue mutt. For privacy,
Like the rest of the holiday sets, it will launch October 1 and it features tons of fun details. From the cozy table where the whole family enjoys a meal by candlelight, to Santa’s chair with milk and cookies by the fire, this set will definitely get you and your family in the Christmas spirit. Although it’s meant for adult builders, your kids will have a blast setting the scenes once it’s complete.
If you’re looking for something a bit smaller, you’ll have a hard time choosing between these cute kits. The Polar Bear & Gift Pack ($9.99) is great for kids seven and up and comes with 142 pieces.
Mini builders will love constructing the adorable polar bear that comes with a scarf, gift box with movable ribbons and cute “with love to” sticker. Did we mention these make the perfect ornaments?
The LEGO Christmas Penguin ($14.99) is also bringing whimsy, with the ability to rotate, move its wings and stand next to a Christmas tree and three presents.
The penguin set is perfect for kids eight and older and comes with 244 pieces. Both sets will launch on Oct. 1 at LEGO.com and at LEGO stores.
Good news and bad news. Bad news: Your sleep quality takes a dramatic dive once you become a parent. Good news: There are a lot of other parents out there who can sympathize. New data from SWNS drives that point home and shows that more than half the moms and dads surveyed would even consider hiring a babysitter to take over the bedtime routine.
If you have a hard time falling asleep at night, sneak a nap during the day or struggle to get your kids down, you’re not alone! The survey of 2,000 American parents of kids 18 and under found that our lovely offspring are the main reason for sleep deprivation. Forty-six percent of respondents said kids are the main reason they can never fall, or stay, asleep. Almost three-quarters (72%) said they’ll go for a daytime nap when possible. And almost half (44%) don’t drift off to dreamland easily once it’s finally time for bed.
While the average kid bedtime is a reasonable window between 8-9 p.m., we all know it’s not easy getting there. One-third of parents said putting their kids to bed is the biggest sleep routine challenge. Babysitters are traditionally reserved for date nights, but more than half of parents said they’d consider hiring one just to handle bedtime. An unlikely, but admittedly appealing-sounding arrangement some nights.
Mattress company Sealy commissioned the study, which was conducted by OnePoll. Tired parents also reported falling asleep everywhere from the kitchen table to the salon chair. But there’s more good news: It doesn’t last forever (thanks, teenagers). In the meantime, can we recommend a coffee subscription?
Does this sound familiar? Your child comes home upset and reports that their friend did or said something mean. After hearing the story, you are convinced that indeed there was malicious intent, and the friend is to blame. A few days later, your child’s friendship returns to normal. But you are still stewing and have a hard time seeing your child’s friend in a positive light.
In social situations like these, our minds generate a variety of explanations for the behavior of others. Some of these explanations give someone the benefit of the doubt. Others assign blame, judge, and even attack their character. In the situation described above, we only heard one perspective, yet we assigned blame and assumed the friend’s bad intention.
This sort of thing happens all the time. Humans tend to jump to conclusions so we can make better sense of our world. Psychologists refer to this as our “attribution style.” Some people tend to give others the benefit of the doubt (benign attribution style), while other people tend to blame and assume bad intent (hostile attribution style).
Which attribution style has more positive relationships and overall happiness? (The tendency to blame or the tendency to give others the benefit of the doubt?)
Our attribution style is not set in stone. If we tend to have a hostile attribution style, we can change the way we think. This effort will positively impact our kids as they see us giving them and others the benefit of the doubt before jumping to negative conclusions.
As parents, it’s important to help our kids navigate difficult emotions and situations. In these instances, we can make sure our kids feel heard and validate their feelings. Then, we can help them see the bigger picture. Maybe their friend is having a difficult time, maybe the behavior was not intentional, and that there is likely more to the story.
When we emerge from the COVID-19 pandemic, life will no doubt be challenging. People are dealing with unprecedented changes in their lives, such as the loss of jobs, loved ones, routine, and connection with others. Life is steeped in uncertainty and fear. Now is a perfect time to practice a benign attribution style. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Avoid assumptions. Focus on the good. The world needs this right now, and so do our kids.
Jessica Speer is the author of BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? Girls Guide to Happy Friendships. Combining humor, the voices of kids, and research-based explanations, Jessica unpacks topics in ways that connect with tweens and teens. She’s the mother of two and has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences.
Social media is like riding a bike—just make sure you give your child a helmet, knee pads, training wheels, and a whole lot of instruction.
I’ve researched the dangers of social media, including conducting a study on recruitment into sex trafficking through social media. Yes, social media can be very dangerous—particularly with little supervision. So, most are surprised when I allow my children, at age 10 and 11 to use social media instead of waiting for the more accepted age of 13. Before getting all judgy, hear me out.
When the magic age of 13 hits, there is a lot that is going on with your child. Developmentally this is the age when children seek independence, crave having their own space, rely on friendships over family, value privacy and may even dabble in rebellious behaviors. This happens whether we want it or not—they are hardwired for this—it is part of their natural development.
If social media is introduced during this time, parents may have a hard time monitoring, exploring together and many children will attempt to push boundaries. In contrast, my 10 and 11-year-old still find me tolerable, and even (dare I say), cool on some days. They still feel close to the family, eagerly share about their school days, and have a healthy fear of the world. I know that in a couple of short years, that could all change and I may miss my opportunity to lay down some critical groundwork in their ability to safely navigate social media.
So, to their surprise and excitement, we embarked on the ride of social media together—equipped with training wheels, knee pads, a helmet, and strict instructions on where and when to ride the bike. We started off slow, I instructed them along the way, I was there to caution them, I let them have some independence, we processed any mistakes they made, they were aware of the dangers and trusted me to guide them. We also have a lot of fun—I have my own Tik Tok account, we watch together, I try to dance, they are embarrassed by my comments, I learn about their friends, and I have valuable insight into their life. They also know the stakes—any purposeful wrong move and the bike goes in storage.
I know that by the time they are 13, when I ever so slowly let my hand off the back of the bike seat, they are equipped with the knowledge to steer independently. While I will always make them wear the helmets of parental control, time limits, and privacy settings, I will take off the training wheels and knee pads and trust that the practice we have had will keep them safe.
So, if you get a disapproving glance or are questioned “Your kids are on Tik Tok?” just say “Sure, it’s just like riding a bike.”
Hello! I am a mom to three children, ages 11,12, and 20 and happily married to an awesome guy! Professionally, I am a psychologist and Life Coach, and founder of Brave Embrace, a practice focusing on female empowerment. We are a sports-oriented family and enjoy learning, growing, and laughing through every opportunity!
I went from working six, 10-hour days a week to being a stay at home mom. I loved my job as a manager of a restaurant. Having that job for years I was constantly busy and was used to that lifestyle. However, due to the start of the COVID pandemic, and being four months pregnant, I was unexpectedly laid off. I did not expect the transition to be as difficult as it was.
At first, it was okay. I was pregnant. I was tired and due to medical conditions, I had doctor appointments twice a week for my second and third trimester. So not having to reschedule or miss out on work to make these appointments was a positive thing. I was able to sleep whenever I wanted (which being pregnant was awesome!). My fiance worked harder than ever to make up for the lack of income. I thought once I had the baby, I would return to work.
Once our bundle of joy came, we made the decision that I would stay at home with the baby for at least a year. It has been five months of being a full-time stay at home mom. It is the hardest, most rewarding job I have ever had.
All you might hear is how great being a stay at home mom is. Well, if I am being honest, I still have a hard time. Selfish is how I feel writing that. But the transition from working full-time to being at home with a baby is difficult. Being in a pandemic does not help at all.
Honestly, I am tired and that is okay. Being tired was something I was not expecting because I was constantly on the go while working. I am still surprised at the never-ending tasks of being a mother and taking care of a household. Cleaning, cooking, getting pooped on and the always shocking throw up are just the beginning of all of my days. Every night is always a tale of unexpected events with a newborn.
To each and every mom (and dad) whether you work or solely stay at home with the kids, you rock! We do not get the credit we deserve (especially from our kids). This “job” is never-ending but is amazing and rewarding! I was never expecting to be a stay at home mom. Even though I can tell you a bunch of reasons why I am tired, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel blessed to be a stay at home mom.
Hi! I'm Carolyn Erickson! I am from Wisconsin and mother of a beautiful baby girl. I'm a new stay at home mom and I am loving it. I also am beginning my career as a freelance writer and blogger!
We’re all hearing about bacteria these days, but if your kiddos are having a hard time understanding the complexities, a new resource from Microban is here to help. PTOToday is partnering with Microban 24 to offer the Microban 24 24-Hour Science Experiment, an educational resource to teach kids about the bacteria that live all around us.
The online resource is perfect for teachers and parents and offers a boatload of free material. Designed to take the guesswork out of teaching, parents can find downloadable worksheets, memory games, word puzzles and even a virtual lab tour.
photo: Courtesy of Microban
The Microban 24 24-Hour Science Experiment was created in partnership with School Family Media, microbiologists and medical experts. Parents can access three age-based science experiments that teach kids about bacteria in ways––and there’s even an opportunity to grow your own bacteria!
Each experiment includes a guide, video and supply list. Afterwords, head out on a fun virtual field trip to a real microbiology lab!
The Story Pirates are known for taking kids’ wildest story ideas and turning them into award-winning musical sketch comedy. Today they released a digital album of 12 original songs, Cats Sit On You. These fan-favorite songs from seasons 2 and 3 of Story Pirates Podcast, were remixed and mastered for the new album.
Cats Sit On You is already a hit on SiriusXM’s Kids Place Live, based on a one-line story written by Alex, a 6 year old from California. In full, it reads: “Cats sit on you, and sometimes they take over the school.” Another hit from the podcast, “Banana Clown,” is a fan-favorite song featuring Grammy Award-winning rapper Secret Agent 23 Skidoo. The original story is about a guy who has a hard time finding the right job, written by an 8 year old from Massachusetts named Benjamin. Another hit from the podcast is “Humming,” a song about a simple habit that snowballs into a worldwide trend, from a story written by Emily, an 11 year old from Texas.
The timeliest song on the album is “The First Kids to Work at the Census,” which debuted on the podcast in April. It’s a song about two kids who just want to put their natural talents to work. The original story is by William, a 7-year-old from California, whose dad actually works for the U.S. Census.
Tonight, Aug. 28 at 7p.m. ET (4 p.m. PT), The Story Pirates will celebrate the album release with a live-streamed improv show called the Story Creation Zone, and a Cats Sit On You themed dance class, exclusively available to Story Pirates Creator Club subscribers. For information, and to start a free trial, visit StoryPiratesCreatorClub.com. An album release celebration featuring the songwriters and performers, plus special guests, will be announced in September.
