It happened just today. I woke up fine. It was a beautiful day and I was ready to conquer it!

Breakfast. Check. Water flowers. Check. Get out deck furniture. Check. Laundry washed. Check. Check. Check. Make lunch. Check. Shower and get ready. Check. Read a self-help book. Check. And then the paralysis snuck in.

Somewhere between being exhausted and overwhelmed with all I “should” be doing was me—pinned between the two emotions so suddenly I couldn’t move. I was angry. Frustrated. And as time passed, the shame settled in.

The kids were watching a movie on a beautiful summer day. Bad Mom.

I have a million things that need to be organized and cleaned. Lazy.

I could be reading or writing or learning something. Weak. Apply something you’ve learned! I kept shouting in my head. But I wasn’t sure what I had learned. Have I learned anything to help me deal with this? What is this? Anxiety? The depression? Did I let the bad thoughts in? I was supposed to control those. Should I call someone? How could I bother anyone? Who would I call? Everyone is working. Everyone is busy. And I’m not. I’m lying here—pinned.

I’m doing nothing. Lazy. Weak. Bad. And here I am. Beginning. All. Over. Again. I was reminded of how fragile I am. It was OK to be fragile a couple of months ago when I finally started seeing a therapist after episodes that included suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I was fighting for my life then; I was fighting for my family. I had to be gentle with myself. Forgiving.

It was OK that I didn’t cook dinner, that I did nothing but breathe all day long. It was OK to take a nap and let the kids watch too much TV. It was OK that we ate Hot Pockets too often and spent money we didn’t have on fast food. It was OK that the house was a constant mess. It was OK.

But somehow since then, as I slowly started to clean more, slowly began to make meals instead of heating them up, slowly started to do a little more than just breathe, I fell back into being a perfectionist. I began expecting more of myself. I began thinking I was OK because I was doing more.

But Brene Brown emphasizes that perfectionism isn’t the same thing as striving for excellence. “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame,” she says. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.”

I can’t even express how well this describes me! I don’t want to be weak, lazy or bad, not to mention all the other unkind shaming thoughts that race through my mind. So I use the little strength I have left to lift that giant shield up to cover the fragile me. The shield of having a perfectly clean house. The shield of making breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day. The shield of having the laundry done and put away. The shield of devouring self-help books that give an illusion of healing. The shield of being organized. On and on. The shield is heavy. No wonder I become exhausted so quickly.

No wonder I am pinned down and frustrated with my own weakness and fragility.

I can’t hold it up for long anymore. And trying to has made me weaker and weaker. You see, I have been on this journey of growth for over a year now. I started writing almost every day and I read books by the best on becoming whole, better, happier. I became more organized with Marie Kondo and started a bullet journal to track and remember everything. I set goals and accomplished them. I spent time serving, being with family and with friends.

My journey and the understanding I gained are documented through these beautiful books and methods and habits, but I was missing something vital. I had unknowingly used all the wonderful things I had learned and added them to my shield. And oh, how it grew.

My shield was big, shiny, and clean. Witty and nice. It was helpful and willing. It showed up for everything, said yes, agreed, allowed. Performed. Damn. It was like Captain Freaking America’s shield. And oh how well I carried that shield. But under it was me. Just me. Amy. And Amy, although master at yielding fancy shields, was deeply tired. She was small.

The shield did its job well. She wasn’t seen; she wasn’t heard. People admired that shield. They enjoyed it. They loved it. So she believed she needed it, that they wouldn’t love and admire her without it. She had put so much work into creating it, but one day she was so exhausted that it came down. And frightened, fragile Amy couldn’t lift it back up.

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. And the shame and the pain swarmed. And there I was, beginning, again. And today, as I set that pretty shield back down on the ground, I am beginning, again. It is time for me—not my shield—to grow.

*If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away by calling your mental health specialist or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

Originally published June 2020. This post originally appeared on My Peace Project.

RELATED LINKS
I Know Why You’re Exhausted
I Gave Everything I Had to My Kids—and It Was Too Much
Why I Stopped Overcompensating for My Kids’ Absent Dad

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

You might call it the “D” word—divorce. Many children are blessed to be overwhelmingly loved by two caring adults who are able to cohesively co-parent. Then there are some children, like my own, who are not only left in turmoil but are also left with an absentee parent.

The father of my first two children could be summed up as a slow-motion train wreck. There is too much to go into great detail about, but his biggest flaw is choosing to be the equivalent of a distant cousin as opposed to a father: going weeks and even months without contact, missing birthday phone calls and falling about two years behind on child support payments.

Seeing the heartache on my children’s faces prompted me to become the Queen Mother of Overcompensation. I now had to step into their father’s shoes. I had to make up for all that he was screwing up.

At first, it was harmless: trying to make sure I fulfilled every wish on the birthday and Christmas list. I mean, how couldn’t I? How could I make his lack of financial or emotional help be the fault of a child?

Next came the emotional compensation, choosing to ignore problematic behaviors simply because of the pain the kids were feeling due to the loss of a family unit. I can remember the day my then-third grader leveled a classroom following an angry encounter with his teacher. I remember being terribly embarrassed and expressing that to every faculty member in view, but moments later, taking him for ice cream to talk it out.

I was afraid of being the “bad parent.” That if my children saw me put my foot down, they would hate me. I feared they would want and long for the one who wouldn’t even take the time to pick up the phone to return a call. I had to be all they needed wrapped in one. Believe it or not, I needed their love during this difficult time as much as they needed mine. I was afraid to parent my own children.

As I continued this path of destruction, I slowly began to realize that my pattern of enabling them was like putting scotch tape on a leaky pipe; sooner or later, that tape slides off, and the real problem bursts through. The gifts and the ice cream didn’t stop the anger and only calmed the raging storms. The phone calls from school didn’t stop. The ADD/ADHD diagnosis came next, which led to bigger, more underlying issues being discovered. My children were in pain, and no toy could fix that. More needed to be done!

I had to recognize my own toxic behavior in being my children’s enabler. The naysayers were right—they needed love, yes—but they also need guidance and a strong mother who stood firm in her decisions and who wouldn’t waffle at their whimpering. They needed a mother who was confident enough to know that she could never fully fill the void of their absent father.

I also had to acknowledge that I, too, was in pain. Divorce is never easy for children, but for the parties who vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, it was devastating. I cried myself to sleep some nights, afraid to face the world as something I never wanted to be. I was now a single mother and, most of all, alone. Loneliness eats away at you, and I longed to fill the void.

As these thoughts came rushing over me, I realized what I was doing to myself. Trying to overcompensate for someone who couldn’t care less was like ordering a Big Mac with a Diet Coke—it made no sense. I was an emotional wreck and I was passing that disease to my own children. I had to make a choice. I had to decide if I wanted to continue to fill the emotional loss with worthless items or if I wanted to help my children heal.

I wanted them to heal, so I had to hold myself and them accountable for our poor choices.

Part of that process meant allowing my children to talk it out with someone other than myself. The school counselors were amazing in this transition; my boys opened up and let them into their safe zone. They were given strategies to deal with anger and to calm themselves. They began talking more about missing their father and how it made them feel that he rarely fulfilled his role. While these were steps in the right direction, the healing process takes time. We continue to take it step by step and remember that we are in it together.

I know that we are not all lucky enough to have the perfect co-parenting scenario, though that’s what we all want for our children. In the event that we don’t get that happy ending, understanding that we are in charge of guarding our children’s emotional healing—and proceeding carefully and responsibly—is key.

Originally published January 2019.

RELATED LINKS
When Divorce Is the Only Answer
Dear Husband: I Need More Help from You
My Child with ADHD Needs Kinder—Not Tougher—Parenting

I am just regular mom of three wonderful boys and a married to the love of my life! I hope to reach people through writing and expressing my true experiences. My goal is to help a parent realize that no matter the struggle, they are not alone in the journey! 

Moms. They are the absolute glue of a family, they raise you, look after you, and love you all while balancing the rest of their life. This can oftentimes be thankless work, so it’s our job to make sure they feel the gratitude they deserve, at least once a year! This Mother’s Day, take care of mom like she’s taken care of you. Need a little inspiration? We’ve got you: below are just a handful of some of the wonderful gift ideas to surprise her with this May!

Nathan Cooper

Loyly Sauna Massage

Loyly Sauna has two Portland locations to choose from. The larger Northeast facility features two cedar saunas, a cold shower cooling room, and therapeutic massage and holistic skincare services. The Southeast location is slightly smaller and features a cedar sauna, steam room, showers, locker rooms, along with their signature therapeutic massages and holistic skincare services. Purchase your special mama a gift card for a massage and sauna experience and we guarantee she’ll be feeling like a million bucks! The whole family will be feeling her afterglow.

2713 SE 21st Ave
503-236-6850

3525 NE M.L.K. Blvd
503-914-4303

Online: loyly.net

Beaumont Florist Flowers

This northeast Portland flower shop is exactly where you want to go for your Mother’s Day bouquet. With flexible pricing options, same-day delivery, and an endless amount of customization options, these master florists are guaranteed to piece together something thoughtful and beautiful. Beaumont Florist targets a certain temperament with each of its bouquets and offers additional gift items like chocolates or balloons to pair with your arrangement! Truly a one-stop-shop. Check out their sister shop in the Laurelhurst neighborhood of Portland, too!

 4201 NE Fremont St., Portland, OR 97213
(503) 281-5501
Online: beaumontflorist.net

Sammy's Flowers Personalized Arrangments

Open seven days a week, this adorable, Parisian gem builds beautiful arrangements that are sure to leave you satisfied and your mother’s dining room table looking great. Want to depart from a standard bouquet and give her something that she can cherish for longer? Sammy’s Flowers sell beautiful orchids in several dazzling shades, as well as cards and chocolates for the ultimate flower-gifting experience! Want to build mom an arrangement made especially by you? At Sammy’s Flowers, that’s no problem! Just pick out some of their individually priced flowers and they’ll arrange and wrap them for you. Make sure to jump online or give them a ring soon, Sammy’s gets especially busy during the Mother’s Day week.

1710 W Burnside St., Portland OR 97209
(503) 222-9759
Online: sammysflowers.com

unique dessert charcuterie board
iStock

Moonstruck Chocolates & Cacoao Sweets

Mom's love is oh so sweet, so why not get her some luxury sweets for her special day? Grab a box of the classic truffle collection at Moonstruck Chocolates. If she likes bars, there's a delectable variety to choose from. And don't forget to scope out the bundles that let you mix and match her treats.

Three Portland locations
(503) 247-3448
Online: moonstruckchocolate.com

Tender Loving Empire Gifts

Need a few things to help mom feel like she’s pampered? Good news: Tender Loving Empire has everything under the sun for helping mom feel adored and appreciated! From incredible-smelling candles and adorably-designed tote bags to jewelry and spa-night kits, they’ve got you covered! Come with a plan or come without! You’ll be sure to leave with something special for that extra-special woman who you call mom. 

Multiple Locations throughout Portland
Online: tenderlovingempire.com

Lush Cosmetics

If you frequent NW 23rd, it is more than likely that you’ve found yourself in Lush Cosmetics dazzled by their soap collection. This Mother’s Day, Lush is pulling out all the stops so you can be in awe even more. From scents like earth and herbal to citrusy and floral, and need-levels like soothing or deeply cleansing, Lush has the gifts that mom needs to let those shoulders down and enjoy a bit of an at-home spa night. Whether it’s a bath-bomb, a shower scrub, a face mask or a vegan body wash, Lush will help you help mom take a load off and enjoy herself. Head online to see their full list of options, or head in to the store today! 

708 NW 23rd Ave., Portland OR 97210
(503) 228-5874
Online: lushusa.com/home

 

Roselinde Bon

Portland Nursery Plants

Gifting a living plant is a long lasting present that will forever remind your loved one of your thoughtful gesture. Pop by one of Portland Nursery’s two locations and find the perfect house plant. Pick from aloes or bonsai to cacti and succulents.

Stark Location
5050 SE Stark

Division Location
9000 SE Division, 97266
Online: portlandnursery.com

With Love From PDX

Love our city? So does With Love From PDX! Maybe mom doesn’t live here in town (but she should!) and you want to treat her to a little bit of the place you call home. That’s where With Love From PDX comes in. They’ve got curated gift boxes that will fit exactly what you need, whether that’s the ultimate charcuterie set or a gardening box for the green-thumbed lady in your life. Have a friend with a newborn? Send her With Love From PDX’s “Mama + Baby” gift set, so they’ll both feel a bit of your love. Can’t find all the right things in one box? No worries, you can create your own custom box, so both gifter and gift-ee can rest satisfied! All the goods in each of these bundles of love are filled with locally-made goods from Portland, so you can give gifts and support small businesses! Head online to check things out today!

 

7412 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale HWY, Ste #103, Portland, OR 97225
(503) 267 - 1472
Online at: https://withlovefrompdx.com/

 

—Hanna Judge

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There Is No Silver Bullet to Healing from Trauma

Trauma isn’t linear.

I’ll start there. You don’t wake up one day and say “I’m going to quickly fix and move on from this thing that’s been stabbing me with a million tiny needles an hour for years. (Wipes hands) problem solved.” There is no silver bullet to healing.

Trauma also begets trauma. Once you’re exposed, it’s like an all-hands-on-deck pile on until you finally figure out how to genuinely feel your feelings. Recently, I was enlightened to the idea that instead of going through healing, I could go around it. You believe you’re doing the work. Truly, you do. In reality though, you’re kind of just going around it. Yes, you’re checking all of the boxes: Therapy. Check. Medication. Check. Openness to new ways to heal. Check, check friggity check.

You’re showing up to find the light, but you’re keeping your sunglasses on. To attempt a bit more eloquence, it was described to me like this: Picture a sphere. You can go over it and look down at it, you can go around it and take a quick peek, but the biggest impact would come from going through it. You can’t miss it if you go right through it. You become engulfed by the sphere and, by proxy, have to take some of it on to get back out again. Sure, you can see it from all of the angles, but you won’t heal from a drive-by. You need to be stuck in traffic for a while to really appreciate a clear lane.

I had never really thought about it before. I mean, I can’t deny it – I essentially hold a Ph.D. in intellectualizing the intangible. I don’t cry often, I carry other people’s guilt, and the word “trauma” makes me cringe. I invalidate my own feelings about my own trauma as soon as it comes out of my own mouth. I started thinking though, I can’t be alone in this. I am not the only person working around healing. More specifically, I’m not the only parent struggling with what it looks like to do the work while being present for your family.

Trauma manifests in the ways your body allows it to. The ways in which our brains and hearts feel like it won’t kill us. That’s really what we’re fighting for, right? This trauma that was imposed on us as kids, teenagers, young adults, whatever has the ability to literally kill us if we let it. I process things to abandon them; I don’t process to own them and learn from them. I want them gone as soon as I acknowledge it. Out of sight, out of mind has been my factory setting for a long time.

I’ve been in and out of therapy most of my life. When I was younger, I shared a therapist and a psychiatrist with my narcissistic parents. So, as you can imagine, the narrative was a bit cloudy when it came to healing. I took a long break. I made the choice to stop therapy and stop medication at a point where I felt like I could handle the world without it. In reality, I wasn’t actually getting anything from it because I wasn’t encouraged to put anything into it. We learn how to process our emotions from our upbringing, that’s no major secret. If your upbringing correlates emotions that don’t fit a specific narrative to insanity, you very quickly learn to get in line and keep your thoughts to yourself.

I’m at the point in this piece where I’m questioning why I’m even writing it. Do I want to congratulate myself for someone else recognizing that I have more work to do than I thought? Or, do I want to write about this because I feel alone in it and know that’s not the case. I’m cautiously optimistic that it’s the latter. Becoming a parent rocked my world in a way I really wasn’t expecting. Being the product of cyclical, narcissistic abuse and mental illness, I went into parenthood with the fear of repetition. Would I be capable of loving my daughter in the way she deserved to be loved? Would I impose my own emotional detachment and accidentally discourage her feelings? Would I repeat the cycle?

I’m writing this from the outside of the sphere as I contemplate what it looks like to actually go in. I worry that doing the work now will take away from the most innocent years of my daughter’s life. I also worry that saving the work for later will take away from a time where she’ll need my emotional availability the most. Being a parent is freakin’ hard. We are challenged to be our best selves while raising better versions of who we became. I want my daughter to know that crying isn’t weak and that being yourself isn’t shameful. I want her to stay weird and feel like she can tell me when she does something stupid. I don’t want her to make a story shiny just because it will be more consumable for someone to digest. I don’t want her to hold her opinions—she has them, she should use them. She’s entitled to them.

That’s why I have to do the work now. Through my box-checking (and a great therapist and the support of my friends and family to explore healing outside of traditional therapy), I’ve certainly made progress. I have pride in my learned ability to parent in spite and the very genuine bond I have with my daughter. I recognize my inability to let go of the past and my trauma-based identity. If you’re reading this and nodding, I see you. We are not all our mother’s daughters. We are not all our parent’s children. Being a product of your environment and your trauma doesn’t have to equate to repetition or, even worse, regression. Recognizing where you’ve been has the best potential to navigate where you need to go.

Jess Ader-Ferretti HBIC at Shit Moms Won't Say
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Jess Ader-Ferretti is the creator and host of the growingly popoular web series, Shit Moms Won't Say. Jess is a born and rasied New Yorker who lives with her wife, Katie and their daughter, Lillie. Tune into Shit Moms Won't Say every Monday at 8PM EST

In the depths of postpartum depression, in the throes of a vicious cycle of panic attacks and addiction, I started writing. This wasn’t my first time writing to heal and understand my pain, and I didn’t hold back. By letting myself write the hard truth, I found resolution. It helped me move through the most complex emotions I had ever felt into the light of empowerment, healing, and sobriety.

One year later, I had a finished book and I published it. It was raw, real, painfully honest, imperfect but complete. I hired a cover designer, formatted it myself, and submitted it to Amazon. I didn’t have many expectations for my book. I just knew I had to put it out there. At times I worried that it was too truthful, too vulnerable, too revealing. But, as the feedback and reviews started rolling in, I understood the deeper reason behind my urge to publish it.

In telling my true story about the hardships and growth of my first year of motherhood, I made myself available for judgments, scrutiny, embarrassment, sure. Some of the things I thought and went through are not normally talked about in our society. But the transformation I experienced—from utter despair and suicidality, to hopeful empowerment—really inspired others. It normalized the more challenging aspects of early motherhood. It showed a way through the hardship. Publishing my book was the most worthwhile thing I have done so far because it really helped other women.

As I started putting my book out there, I got emails every week from women thanking me for my blunt honesty. They too had very similar experiences and feelings, challenges and pains, but didn’t realize that other mothers went through the same things. They found solace in my story, healing for their own journeys, and hope on their paths. Publishing my book literally changed people’s lives. It made them feel not alone. It helped them learn how to love themselves in their own flaws and shortcomings, to accept their own inner turmoils and dark thoughts.

Looking back, I now see that publishing my true story in the form of a book also changed the world in its own small way. It shifted the lens of what motherhood can be like. It changed the narrative of what a good woman is. It shed light on the struggles that modern moms go through. It healed the silence of our ancestors and the oppression of our grandmothers. It changed the fabric of reality.

Telling your true story of motherhood, both the challenges and the triumphs, is one of the most generous and generative things you can do. So many women harbor shame and feel isolated in their less-than-glowing moments as a mother. In a world inundated with picture-perfect posts, matching outfits, and gushing gratitude…those women who experience life and motherhood differently can feel like something is wrong with them. They can feel really alone in their struggles, perspectives, and darker thoughts.

It is so important to tell the truth about your real experiences of motherhood. Those little revealings of honesty can change another woman’s life, or even save it. Just look at the tidal wave that has come from Meghan Markle speaking up about her postpartum experiences. It is shifting things in the maternal mental health world and beyond. It is making it more ok for women to speak their own truths, accept their experiences and get the help they need. It’s changing society in a big way. Of course, not all of us have as powerful of a platform as royalty like Meghan Markle. But even those of us with a small reach do make a difference when we speak up about the truth instead of continuing to stay silent.

Whether you share your truth through conversations with other women, through social media, on podcasts, through writing articles or actually writing a book, you are helping other women and our society. In my experience though, writing your story into a book is the most powerful form. Publishing your true motherhood story gets it out into the culture in a way that other forms do not. When others read and hear about your book, it has an impact that a social post does not. Publishing a book gives a deeper level of credibility to your work and adds a solidness and permanence to your message. 

Standing in your truth and sharing your real motherhood story makes the world a safer place for women and empowers everyone who reads it with more authenticity and understanding. If you are feeling the call to write a book about your motherhood experience, the lessons you’ve learned, the hardships you’ve endured, the raw and real behind-the-scenes truths, I deeply encourage you to do it. Your story really matters. It’s medicine—a powerful healing balm for other women and this world.

Flow is an Author and Memoir Writing Coach for Womxn. Feeling the call to write your true life story into a book that inspires? Sign up to join a Free Memoir Writing Breakthrough Workshop through her website, and get the clarity and momentum you need to make it happen.

 

Kim Walls

A clean beauty pioneer, award-winning natural product innovator, and the creator of several cause-driven skincare brands, Kim is featured by Goop, Vogue, Vanity Fair, and more...

Perhaps you’ve heard of facial gua sha, using a gentle yet firm pressure that’s effective for de-puffing, uplifting, and toning. No matter your age, gua sha promotes important healing beneath the skin, and effectively helps a wide range of issues— from allergies and inflammation to immune strengthening, skin toning, and more. Skin is our first line of defense against the impacts of temperature, toxins, and bacteria. Gua sha helps balance the skin’s immune function, so it can work better as the mighty protective barrier it’s designed to be.

The BEB Gua Sha Method, which is specialized for prenatal, postnatal, and baby care, encourages mindful emotional
connections while improving the vital functions of skin. Our method honors the skin as our largest organ and enhances its sensory powers to facilitate the health and healing that makes us feel balanced, connected, and calm.

tools for success
Our stone is heart-shaped rose quartz, called the “love” stone that builds trust, harmony, and self-worth. It fits comfortably in your hand and mimics the curves of breast and body. Our Soothing Serum and Nurturing Oil, recommended for use with the gua sha tool, are 100% free of harsh chemicals and 101% full of love and ingredients to feed your baby’s skin from the outside in.

To begin your journey with gua sha for pregnancy or baby, you only need:

  • YOUR BABY OR BELLY
  • SOOTHING SERUM
  • NURTURING OIL
  • OUR ROSE QUARTZ GUA SHA STONE

gua sha for pre & postnatal care
Stimulating microcirculation right beneath the skin is ideal to treat and prevent many key concerns during and after pregnancy. The BEB Gua Sha Method of massage can help with:

  • STRETCH MARKS
  • C-SECTION SCARS
  • ENGORGED BREASTS
  • MUSCLE ACHES & PAINS
  • IMMUNE CHALLENGES
  • HEADACHES (even migraines)
  • COLDS AND FLUS
  • SKIN PROBLEMS
  • LOW BACK PAIN
  • INFLAMMATION
  • ALLERGIES
  • NAUSEA
  • INSOMNIA
  • CELLULITE
  • FATIGUE
  • AND MORE

lasting benefits of gua sha with baby
As a parent, you can help ease challenging emotional states by first practicing relaxing techniques with your baby when they’re little, then later showing your older child how to engage in soothing self-care like gua sha. With self-care as a normal part of your child’s health regime, they have calming, healing tools for everything life throws their way.

All you need to maximize the benefits of massage is the right technique, regular treatments, clean products, and good energy.


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Soothing & Nurturing Gua Sha Set

A Whole New Way to Gua Sha for Bumps & Babes

$128

Soothe, clear & replenish the skin with this probiotic, multi-benefit serum, nourishing oil and specialized rose quartz gua sha tool. Reduce sensitivity, create calm, and build lasting emotional connections with the BEB Organic skincare system.

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Nurturing Gua Sha Set

The Easy Way to Gua Sha for Bumps & Babes

$38

Lock in moisture and encourage mindful emotional connections with this soothing, nutrient-rich skincare. Begin your gua sha journey with our specialized rose quartz gua sha tool to calm, replenish and moisturize delicate skin for both baby & mom.

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Nurturing Oil

Phytocura™ Enriched Replenisher to Calm and Smooth

$48

Replenish sensitive newborn skin with these rich moisture drops, featuring our signature PHYTOCURA™ Complex, a prized phytonutrient concentrate that blends precious cranberry oil with nourishing sunflower oil for brilliant hydration with 6000 other potent bioactive compounds. The luxurious yet light oil glides over skin for that healing touch, providing revitalizing moisture and skin-loving aminos that melt into skin for a smooth, soft finish. Chosen by America's top hospitals & birth centers for uncompromising safety standards, proven effectiveness, and an innovative approach to health. Newborn & Pregnancy safe. For face, body & scalp. Smells like a clean slate with the almost undetectable essence of freshly pressed cranberry oil. Free of synthetic fragrances & dyes.

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Probiotic Multi-Miracle Worker to Balance & Clear

$58

Banish annoying skin problems like dry and rough skin patches with this potent yet gentle Soothing Serum. First developed for babies, it is the perfect solution to clear and balance skin at any age. Soothing Serum is a rose petal enriched multi-miracle worker, providing cooling comfort to instantly soothe irritated skin. It is packed with Phytocura™ Complex and works to optimize pH, restore healthy probiotics, speed up healing, and minimize scars. Ultra-effective elderberry, cypress, and myrrh help prevent blemishes and transform picky skin into a spotless look of picture-perfect health. For face, body & scalp. Smells like you’ve gathered a handful of fresh rose petals, punctuated by gems of calming marigold. Free of synthetic fragrances & dyes. Clinically proven allergen-free.

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Disney+ announced today that they have acquired Black Beauty, the latest adaptation of the beloved children’s book  written by Anna Sewell. The film is a contemporary version of the 19th century novel about a wild horse captured by humans. Black Beauty will premiere on the streaming service in late 2020. 

Black Beauty

According to the film’s description, “Black Beauty is a wild mustang born free in the American west. When she is captured and taken away from her family, her story intertwines with that of 17-year old Jo Green, similarly grieving over the loss of her parents. The two slowly develop a bond that is built on love, respect and mutual healing.”

Black Beauty

“Black Beauty” features Oscar winner Kate Winslet (The Reader) as the voice of Black Beauty and stars Mackenzie Foy (Interstellar) as Jo Green; Iain Glen (Game of Thrones) as John Manly; and Claire Forlani (Meet Joe Black) as Mrs. Winthorp. 

Black Beauty is directed by Ashley Avis (Adolescence) who also wrote the screenplay. JB Pictures’ Jeremy Bolt (Polar, Monster Hunter) and Robert Kulzer (Polar) from Constantin Film are producers and Martin Moszkowicz, Edward Winters and Jon Brown are executive producers. Dylan Tarason is a co-producer, and Moonlighting Films president Genevieve Hofmeyr (Mad Max: Fury Road) is the South African producer. 

Black Beauty is produced by Constantin Film and JB Pictures.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Disney+

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LaChanda Gatson didn’t see anyone that looked like her in fairy tales growing up, so she decided to create her own story. The hair stylist teamed up with CreativeSoul Photography to bring her vision to life. This time young Black girls donned in royal attire were placed front and center in this stunning series. 

princess

Gatson and CreativeSoul Photography created the photo series to redefine the traditional princess with their own dash of style and culture. Their goal is to inspire more girls around the world to start seeing themselves as regal princesses.

princess

Gaston said, “The idea was developed early on in childhood from the consistent lack of representation of black children in mostly all forms of media where children play a significant part. Even though I loved watching and reading fairytales and fantasy, I would often reimagine these characters more relatable to me and my culture.”

The princesses were redefined with a twist of Black girl magic pulling from a collection of fictional princesses and global fairytales that Gaston grew to love throughout the years. Changing up the script, she reimagined them as black urban royalty and chose a team of talented black creatives from around the world to create the change she wanted to see. She said, “These royals are made from the sun with an array of earths healing abilities. They are all named after healing crystal and chakra stones. These special chocolate blend of Princesses are everything I would love to have seen growing up. They are here to show diversity in fantasy and imagination.”

princess

“I’m here to change the old narrative. It’s important that brown and black children see themselves in a brighter light with endless possibilities. They need to know that they are too beautiful, talented, gifted, hold ancestral gifts, powerful, and just as deserving of a happily ever after,” said Gaston.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of CreativeSoul Photography

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This week, to help a little with the #stayhome-induced craziness, I gave a talk to parents of preschoolers about ways to use dramatic play at home. 

A hand was raised in a zoom window, and a concerned face came into focus: “All my girl wants to do is play school! She even imitates her classmates, she misses them so much. Should I encourage her to just be herself or is this ok?”

I’m so glad this mama asked that question! Since her girl can’t be in school, of course she is getting such satisfaction out of playing school. What a smart and intuitive way to cope with our new reality!

Our kids are without the routines and friends, it is totally natural—and great—that they would want to recreate them at home. Here are some ways that you can support and build on “playing school” at home. This can lead to satisfying dramatic play that can be really bonding and healing too. Even better, because these games can be scaffolded—that means that you can help set them in motion and then walk away while the independent play continues!  

Why It’s Cool to Play School 

1. Cognition and play go together. When kids play, they gain fundamental social-emotional and executive function skills. Especially for kids ages 3-6, play is a learning tool. Far more important than drilling letters and numbers, and different than learning from a screen, the skills children are building when they “make-believe” are the skills that set them up for successful life outcomes. 

2. Playing school helps with social-emotional skills. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, but also empathy! Kids learn through observing the world around them and essentially imitating. When they become a teacher, for example, they feel the power and responsibility that comes with that job and will act accordingly. By essentially trying on the characters of the other classmates, kids are experimenting with new ways of relating, listening, and learning. They are also given permission—in the safe space for play—to be extra exuberant, really shy, or incredibly goofy. 

3. Empathy and school play are related. Pretending helps kids with empathy. When we step into other people’s shoes, we learn how it must feel to be them. We grow in compassion. In acting we call this, understanding a character’s “given circumstances.” When kids play school they are inhabiting a variety of “characters.” The more practice young kids get in stepping outside themselves, the more they will grow in understanding other people’s experiences.  

4. Playing school can be “scaffolded.” Playing school not only exercises the imagination, but it can also be structured so that adults have an easy point-of-entry into the playing. This is a good thing—experts call this “scaffolding.” It means that we can join in with our kids playing in specific ways that support their growth, but then we can also leave and the playing will continue on in its own way.   

5. Playing school is uniquely healthy during social distancing. Playing school can be healing to kids during this time of social distancing. Games with a school-focus can be a great way to create (and continue) positive associations with school. This too shall pass, and when it is time to go back to school, having built all the happy memories of school-related games, will make that transition so much easier. 

 

Ways to Set Up Games of School for Play and Learning

Animal School: Kids can play school as different animals or characters that they love. Set up a “home” side of the room and a “school” side of the room. Kids choose an animal to be and move across the floor like that creature. When they get to school, a simple funny task—like singing the ABCs in a mouse voice or counting to 20 like a dinosaur—is the goal at school and then they can head “home” and change into another animal character!

Why I Love It: 

1. Kids can explore being different characters that they love
2. They get a gross motor workout
3. This supports executive function skills since they have to plan and remember the different school activities of each character.

Silly School: You can pretend to be a school teacher, make up a name in gibberish to be extra silly. Don’t get anything right! Mix up the alphabet, insert names of vegetables when you try to count to 10, identify colors as shapes and shapes as colors. Let your kids correct and teach you! If you are familiar with the game Silly Shop, this is very similar.

Why I Love It:

1. This game also serves a sneaky academic purpose. It will allow you to see what your kids know and don’t know, depending on how they correct you.  
2. Additionally, it lets them be in the driver’s seat.  Especially in this chaotic time where there is very little in their control, this is a healthy and safe way for them to be in charge.
3. It’s a great gateway for goofiness and parent-child bonding. 

Stuffie School: Whether your kids play this with stuffies, dinosaurs or dolls, this idea here remains the same. Even better if your kid’s school involves all these different “learners” in one class! Kids are the teachers in this game and set up a school for their toys. Each “student” has a different personality and even different ways they learn. The teacher (your kid) has to make a lesson plan for the class and structure the day for them – tailored to their needs. Young dinosaurs need hunting lessons, animal stuffies get lessons in making their sounds, dolls need to work together to build a fort, whatever your kid dreams up.

Why I Love It:

This game involves lots of independent play. Kids can even work on the “lesson plan” and collect “homework” from their students!  Similarly, all the planning helps kids with executive function.

 

This post originally appeared on Child's Play In Action.

Jocelyn Greene is a Brooklyn based educator, director and mom.  With her company, Child's Play NY, she teaches hundreds of kids a year and is equally joyous adapting fairytales for 4s as she is staging Shakespaere with the teens. Check out http://www.childsplayinaction.com/ for video tutorials on game-based play to do at home! 

The anxiety started creeping its way in a couple of weeks ago. I read a blog post about a mother that had one of those momster moments… ya know, the moments moms have occasionally when they just snap? She described it so eloquently that I couldn’t help but recall my own worst momster moments.

Now, I’m not talking about raising your voice because you’re frustrated. I’m talking about the moments when mom has a full-blown meltdown and unintentionally rips away the safest place her children have: her. These moments are ones we don’t like to recall… and recalling mine literally gave me nightmares for several nights. It wasn’t until I acknowledged that I have a true fear of being “that” mom again that the nightmares stopped.

It’s been about a year since I’ve been a momster. And I can’t help but reflect. I remember last year’s Mother’s Day clearly. I was sitting outside at my parent’s house, swinging with my almost 2-year-old, watching my other daughters run and play happily. I was basking in the glow of thoughtful presents and handmade cards. They had recently forgiven me for my worst momster moment yet—the one that made me realize something wasn’t right. The one that led me down a path of healing and dealing with the depression I didn’t know I had. The one that left my babies crying, staring at me with wide fearful eyes. The same eyes in my nightmares. My sweet girls ran carefree, and I could almost see my mistakes trailing out behind them as they let them go.

Then they would run over to me with a picked flower and for the 100th time wish me a happy Mother’s Day. I was humbled and in awe of my daughters that day. I had never felt less worthy of their love and gifts and forgiveness. Yet, they gave them anyway. I didn’t know how to let my mistakes go but, I vowed that day that I would never be a momster again. That I would do whatever it took to become the mom they thought I was.

As this Mother’s Day approached, I had a fresh wave of anxiety. For years I’ve secretly hated Mother’s Day. Over time I’ve held high expectations that turned to high hopes and then into dread. Mother’s day seemed to be a giant highlighter for all of my motherly flaws. It was easier to pretend Mother’s Day didn’t include me. I instead tried to focus on the women in my life. Not the fact that my family forgot it was Mother’s Day. Not the spit up on my dress 5 minutes before church. Not the lost shoes. Not the kids fighting. Not the me that somehow can’t manage it all gracefully for one blessed day a year. Nope. I’m out. Not my day.

But then something happened. As we approached Mother’s Day, my anxiety altered and dissipated—I was busy helping my oldest daughter deal with some intense emotions and hurtful situations. She turned to me. I am her safe place. And in that safe place we were brave and strong and gentle. She fell apart and was rebuilt. She was seen. She was heard. And she walked away knowing that she is worthy and lovable. That she is capable of more than she thought. I could almost see the fear and hurt trailing out behind her. And I could feel the fear and hurt I’ve carried from being a momster trailing out behind me.

So I vowed to make this year’s Mother’s Day different. Not because of our perfect plans or presents but because this year I knew what’s up. I know that I am a good mother. Not a perfect mother. A good mother. The one my daughters need. The one that is capable of more than she thought. It won’t be a perfect day, but it will be a good one because my gift to myself is the best one I could receive—a long string of fully forgiven mistakes, fear, highlighters and hurts trailing out behind me.

This post originally appeared on my-peace-project.com.

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.