ML Interest Tag: healthy-relationship

11 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Step-Parent

By Deanna Pope-Toth

For a lot of parents, the idea of becoming a step-parent would be out of the question. But for many others, when the love for a partner and their kids is so great, you don’t question your love—you solidify it.

My journey as a step-parent probably sounds the same as many others. Step-parents are widely portrayed as evil, self-serving people who have an agenda of pain and fear (thanks, Disney). A step-parent oftentimes becomes a scape-goat for issues and problems, when in reality, a lot of the personal or emotional problems probably existed prior to or after the bio-parents divorced or separated. 

Someone once called me a saint for marrying a man with three kids and taking on the role of caretaker. In reality, I’m getting just as much, if not more than I’m giving. I have been given a gift of having a beautiful family, and the opportunity to learn from and teach my kids mutually.

But before you decide if marrying someone with kids is in their or your best interest, maybe you should ask yourself some of the following questions. Marrying into a blended family does have it’s challenges, and in my experience, it’s worth it. But it might not be for everyone.

1. Do I love these children as if they were my own?

2. Do I have the capacity to care for these children as if they were my own?

3. Do I know that despite loving these children, they will always put their biological mom or dad first, even if that means being loyal to their mom or dad by bad-mouthing me?

4. Do I know that I don’t know all that happened before I was in the picture, and I will never know the whole story?

5. Am I willing to learn integrate new changes, while respecting there were “other” ways of doing things before I got into the picture?

6. Do I know that in their mom’s eyes, I will (likely) always be a source of contention?

7. Do I vow to put my family first?

8. Do I vow to love myself, even when criticized?

9. Will my spouse work alongside me in parenting the children?

10. Do I believe I can add value and purpose to these kids and my partner, as well as myself?

11. Do I accept that my beloved husband or wife must maintain a healthy relationship (or try to) with his ex-spouse?

If I had the choice, I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world. Blended families are extremely hard, but I’m not sure raising a “non-blended” family is all that much easier. People are people and that means we are all different and we must all have patience and desire to work together.

This post originally appeared on MomsCandidConversations.ca.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

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How to Raise Kids in an Instagram World

By Kristen Wessel

What started as a platform to share photography has now become a useful marketing tool for businesses of all sizes. With 1 billion people using Instagram every month, it’s no wonder people are using it as a go-to advertising platform.

There are plenty of reasons people love using Instagram such as staying connected to others, scoping out new destinations to visit, and self-expression.

However, social media can sometimes cause unnecessary comparisons, dissatisfaction with life, and a feeling of being left out. With suicide rates being associated with social media use, it’s more important than ever for parents to have tools under their belt. In a time when teens are desperately trying to fit in and find their place in the world, it’s clear that social media can harm their self-esteem and mental health.

How can we address the problem of social media and teen mental health? It’s time for parents to get involved and tackle teen mental health at home. While mental health is a complex issue, parents can safeguard their teens’ well-being with healthy social media practices. Here’s how you can make sure your kids have a healthy relationship with social media and a thriving life outside of their screens.

1. Show them what’s real and what’s fake. Social media distorts reality. Snapchat and Instagram filters are fun, but they can quickly warp our sense of what’s real. Take a photo and show your teen how filters are added to make photos look a certain way. Talk about how lighting, tones, and Photoshop affect an image. Show your teen FaceTune and other apps that allow you to alter and blur imperfections on the face or body. This allows you to alter your physique and create an unrealistic image for social media.

This sounds obvious, but many teens don’t realize that social media is full of almost exclusively edited images. They can learn to manage their expectations as they scroll through their feed, preserving their sense of self-esteem by avoiding unrealistic comparisons.

2. Encourage teens to live in the moment. Social media is great to stay in touch with friends and family—when used in moderation. Most of us like to indulge in social media from time to time, but it’s a recipe for losing time. Social media makes us feel like we aren’t living in the moment. We’re either caught up with other people’s Instagram posts or worrying about what we’ll post next to get the most likes.

While it feels like we’re connected with other people on social media, it’s a way to escape real-world social interactions. Studies show that excessive social media use can make a person feel more isolated and depressed. Set a limit on your child’s phone for social media apps. Experts suggest limiting teens’ social media use to no more than 30 minutes per day.

And instead of plugging into social media for hours on end, encourage your child to get involved with activities, like sports or school clubs, that help them feel part of a group. It’s these social interactions that will help your teen feel accepted and happy, not taking selfies on Snapchat.

3. Invest in your parent-child relationship. Adults are just as guilty as teens when it comes to social media use. Don’t let screens be a substitute for a face-to-face relationship with your child. Lead by example. Limit your time on social media and stop obsessing over your Instagram likes. Give your teen love and attention without documenting it on Snapchat or anywhere else online. Show that life happens outside of Instagram. Demonstrate unconditional love and acceptance when you talk to your teen, especially when they’re feeling low. If they’re feeling sad, validate their feelings and understand their disappointment.

Allow your home to be a safe place where they can talk about their feelings. This opens the door to positive conversations about self-esteem and their identity, which can help with early intervention to preserve teen health.

Social media is an important tool in teens’ lives, but parents have to set healthy expectations and practices. Together we can prevent self-harm and suicide by spotting unrealistic images, setting social media boundaries, and investing in our personal relationships.

For more resources about responsible social media use for teens and children, check out Common Sense Media.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the free and confidential National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

 

As a former Emmy-Award Winning News Anchor and over 10 years of experience in the news industry, Kristen prides herself on being able to tell great stories. As an expert in communications and mother of two, Kristen gives her tips and tricks.

 
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How to Raise an Emotionally Resilient Kid

By Jacquelyn Oldham

Photo: The Little Gym

There’s no doubt that emotional health is equally as important as physical health. For parents, raising a child with a healthy emotional well-being is an immense responsibility. Studies show that as many as 1 in 10 children and young people are affected by mental health challenges. Because of this, it’s important that parents strive to educate their children about mental health and focus on efforts to help their children become emotionally resilient.

Emotional resilience can benefit children in many ways; not only will children have a higher sense of confidence and self-esteem, but they will also easily bounce back from failure, conquer challenges, and reach their true potential. While this can seem like a colossal undertaking, these 5 tips can help parents raise an emotionally healthy child:

1. Focus on Feelings

It’s important to teach your child at a very young age (think infancy) to express their feelings. Whether your child is angry, sad, happy, excited or scared, it’s important to acknowledge what emotions your child is feeling. Once identified, you can teach them the skills needed to cope and deal with that feeling. Show real interest in your child’s feelings and help them express and manage their emotions in a healthy way.

2. Let Them Make Mistakes

While not always fun, mistakes help children learn. It’s important to teach your child that it’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to be wrong. Teaching your child that mistakes are ok, and encouraged, can help them develop a healthy relationship with failure and teach them how to deal with shortcomings in a positive way.

3. Let Them Make Decisions

Not only will allowing your child to make some of their own (age-appropriate) decisions help foster their independence, it will also help them deal with the consequences or rewards of their own actions.

4. Nurture Them

There is no such thing as too much love! Caring, nurturing, and loving on your child is a BIG way to help them feel emotionally secure and will also help them grow into loving adults.

 

5. Lead by Example and Take Care of Your Own Emotional Well-Being

Parents need to practice what they preach. By taking care of your own emotional health you can, in turn, help your child grow into an emotionally healthy little person.

As Director of Curriculum & Training at The Little Gym International and a mother myself, it’s important for me to explore new ways to instill confidence and resilience in my own children and the ones that come through our program. These pieces of advice are to help kids feel emotionally empowered to take on new challenges and know that they don’t have to be the best as long as they are trying their best.

Experienced Director in Curriculum and Training with a demonstrated history of working in the entertainment, education, health wellness and fitness industry. Skilled in nonprofit organizations, event planning, customer service, franchising, entrepreneurship, coaching and sales. 

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10 Ways to Positively Parent Your Children

By Divya Agrawal

Whether you are an experienced parent or a new one, everyone can use positive parenting tips. By following these 10 positive parenting tips, you can build a strong and healthy relationship with your child.

1. Do not scold your children in front of others: Do not shout at your children or scold them in front of others. It will discourage them. Try to make them understand by listening to them properly. Speak calmly and tell your children what they should do. Deal with the behavior and not the child. Make them hear your words instead of your loud voice. Cuddle them often is one of the best positive parenting tips.

2. Do not force or pressure your children: Let your children be the way they want to be but guide them from a distance. Help them by telling them the pros and cons of the decisions they are taking. If they are taking up any hobby or sport of their choice, let them pick and ensure, they do it in the right way.

3. Maintain a balance between work and play: It is rightly said, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Help your children to develop a healthy mind and body. Provide a good balance of work and play by working out the timetable with your children. Set priorities together according to the capabilities and interest of your children. This will keep them happy and encourage them to work harder.

4. Do not lie or make fake promises: It is important to build trust with your children. Either keep your promises or never make fake promises (one of the most important positive parenting tips), which you know you won’t be able to fulfill. Instead, tell them that you will try but not sure if it will be done. At least it will not break your child’s heart.

5. Make clear rules and give positive instructions: Rules should be clear and fair, easy to understand. You should tell children what to do instead of what not to do. Instead of saying “Do not shout” tell them “Speak in a quiet voice.” Positive instructions will have a better impact on your child will they understand what they should do better.

6. Spend time with your children: Try to get involved in their activities. Have fun with your children. Playing with them is one of the best ways to build a good parent-child relationship. Let your children know that you enjoy being with them. Try not to exchange your presence with the presents. Spending time with your child is the most valuable present your child could ever get in his lifetime and one of the crucial positive parenting tips.

7. Help problem-solve: Teach your children how to find a solution to the problems. Do not provide a solution every time, be their partner in problem-solving. Listen to them patiently and understand the situation. Provide options and let them think of the consequences of each option. You can also share your experiences when you went through the same phase. Together you can reach the best solution. This will teach them an important life skill.

8. Praise your children: Praise your children for their behavior and achievements is one of the best positive parenting tips. It should be sincere and do not include criticisms. Instead of saying “good”, try to describe to your child what you like about his work. It will encourage them to repeat the things which you would like to see again. Praising a child develops self-confidence.

9. Pay attention to your child’s feelings: Your child must have gone through many things during a day, be it good or bad. Try to talk to them, listen to them and find out what is happening to your child. By paying attention to their feelings, you are telling them that someone is there to understand him and provide support during tough times.

10. Promote independence: Let your children explore the world. Don’t hold them too tightly or leave them free as if you don’t care. Let them make their decisions under your supervision. Guide them from distance for better child development. This will give them much freedom and provide security as well.

“It is never too late to start and follow the positive parenting tips.”

This post originally appeared on wonder parenting.

Hi Team,

I'm a mommy of a 9-year-old girl! I am an ACS by profession and writer by passion. This passion for reading and writing drove me to express my thoughts and experience on parenting in the form of a blog. Do check my personal blog - Wonder Parenting!!!

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New Research Says More Screen Time Can Raise the Risk of an ADHD Diagnosis

by Erica Loop

How much screen time is too much? New research, from the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada, found that preschoolers who spent more time looking at screens were more likely to have an ADHD diagnosis.

Using data from nearly 2,500 children and parent groups (from the Canadian Healthy Infant Longitudinal Development or CHILD study), the researchers compared the amount of time preschoolers spent using screens with the likelihood of meeting ADHD diagnostic criteria. While they didn’t find a complete cause-and-effect relationship between screen use and ADHD, the data can help parents to better understand the reasons for limiting this type of tech-time.

photo: Bruce Mars via Pexels

What exactly did the researchers find? Five year olds who spent two plus hours a day in front of screens were over seven times more likely to meet ADHD diagnostic criteria than kiddos who watched screens for less than half-an-hour per day. Before jumping to the conclusion that screen-time equals a behavioral disorder, stop and look at what the research (and the researchers) really say.

Again, this study didn’t find a clear cause-effect between screen use and ADHD. But it does provide some pretty compelling evidence for paying close attention to how much screen time your tot gets. Dr. Piush Mandhane, lead researcher of the study and an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Alberta, told ABC News, “Children should develop a healthy relationship with screens as young as 3 to 5 years of age.”

Mandhane also added that, according to the study’s data, “Between zero and 30 minutes per day is the optimal amount of screen time.” So how can parents reduce screen time? With the current research in mind, Mandhane suggests using built-in apps to limit screen exposure, turn off screens at least one hour before bedtime and encourage your child to engage in physical activity.

—Erica Loop

 

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3 Parental “Feeding Styles” to Avoid & the One All Parents Should Try with Their Kids

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Following a specific parenting style can have an impact on how your kids grow up, but did you know it can also affect how they eat? According to recent research, different parental feeding styles can determine if your kids will have a healthy relationship with food as they grow up. Allow us to explain.

Just like parenting, feeding kids can be broken down into four different styles: authoritarian, permissive, uninvolved and authoritative. According to experts, the first three styles can negatively impact a child’s emotional and physical health. However, an authoritative style can help kids develop healthy eating habits—and here’s how.

Photo: StockSnap via Pixabay

With an authoritarian style, parents control exactly what kids eat without any input from kids on their choices. This style can make it difficult for kids to learn how to self-regulate and listen to their body’s cues that they’ve had enough. “In a vacuum, ‘take two more bites’ doesn’t look horrible … but over time, that message can influence a child’s ability to honor and recognize their own hunger and fullness cues and listen to their own bodies,” Jill Castle, a registered dietitian, childhood nutrition expert and mother of four told TIME. “If you are full, you are full, and beyond fullness is overeating.”

A permissive style means that parents indulge a kid’s every wish, even if that means cookies for breakfast. It can also involve using food as reward. For example, promising ice cream for eating Brussel sprouts. In both cases kids may develop a habit of overindulgence of unhealthy foods and learn that junk food is valued higher than healthy choices.

Uninvolved is essentially another word for neglectful, when kids aren’t routinely offered food and develop anxiety over when they will eat. “When a child is not sure when food will be served or can’t get enough of a food or a type of food, they can become a bit more focused on food and exhibit behaviors that lead to overeating,” Castle said.

Photo: amsw photography via Pexels

An authoritative style, on the other hand, offers the most balanced approach to developing eating habits. With this style parents offer limits and structure, but kids also have a say in their preferences. Castle explained, “A parent says, ‘do you want green beans or broccoli for dinner?’ The parent is still in control of the choices, so it’s a reasonable choice.”

Research shows that an authoritative parenting style when it comes to food and life in general, leads to lower body map index. “Families with an authoritative style have healthy-weight children, and their kids make better choices on their own, and they are more accepting of new foods,” explained Victoria Stein Feltman, a registered dietitian and co-founder of Apple to Zucchini, a healthy-eating resource for parents and families.

“When you take away the pressure, the kids become a bit more adventurous and have a better relationship with food,” she continued. “They’re not going to go the birthday party and have four cupcakes.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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This Food Explorer Kit Is Your Game Plan for Dinner Battles

by Gabby Cullen

Imagine this familiar scene: It’s dinner time and one (if not all) of your kids are refusing to eat the meal you’ve prepared—and refusing it loudly. Instead of throwing in the towel and dishing out “kid-friendly” foods (aka frozen, starchy, sugary stuff), consider a new angle. Dr. Dina Rose Ph.D., the author of It’s Not About the Broccoli, has created the Food Explorer Kit—a unique way to deal with picky eaters. From over 60 discovery activities to tasting spoons and a progress chart, there’s a ton of fun with food to be had! Keep reading to learn more.

What It Is

The Food Explorer Kit is a fun addition to Dr. Rose’s book, It’s Not About the Broccoli. As a sociologist, Dr. Rose digs deep into why kids develop particular food habits, and what parents are doing that might be counterintuitive. It’s about fixing habits, how to engage in open talk about food, and teaching moderation, among other subjects, with the end goal of helping kids develop a healthy relationship with food. “We keep talking about nutrition and tricking kids into eating when what we should be talking about is habits,” says Rose. And the Food Explorer Kit is the perfect tool to help make that happen.

How It Works

You’ll receive your Food Explorer Kit in a fun red lunch bag, with a discovery notebook for recording texture, taste, smell, sound, appearance and temperature. There’s also a lab tray, magnifying glass, descriptive word list, spoons and medicine dropper. Your exploring eaters can nibble, crumble, sniff, move, and chew on any food that might seem scary or too new, instead of being confronted with it at the dinner table. Then, after they record their findings in their discovery notebooks, they’ll be armed with what Rose calls “a database” of food information they can use to figure out what a food will be like before they taste it. Talk about a creative way to get kids to eat their greens (and reds, purples and yellows!). 

Where to Buy It

You can purchase Food Explorer Kit here, for $30

You can purchase It’s Not About the Broccoli here, for $13.60

— Gabby Cullen

 

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Feature photo: Nicole De Khors from Burst

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Want “Successful” Children? Check Out These 13 Traits YOU Should Have, According to Science

by Red Tricycle

Photo: Harsha K R via Flickr

We all want the best for your little ones; there’s no denying that. And while there isn’t a set recipe for raising do-good children, researchers found common factors that predict success. Not shockingly, they noticed much of it was influenced by the parents (hey, no pressure, right?!).

According to the researchers, here’s what parents of successful kids have in common:

1. They make their kids do chores.

2. They teach their kids social skills.

3. They hold high expectations.

4. Both parents share a healthy relationship with each other, even through a divorce.

5. The parents attained higher educational levels.

6. They teach their kids math early on.

7. They develop a healthy relationship with their kids (aka “sensitive caregiving“)

8. They’re less stressed.

9. They value effort over avoiding failure.

10. The moms work.

11. They have a higher socioeconomic status.

12. They are “authoritative” rather than “authoritarian” or “permissive.”

13. They teach “grit.”

To read why each of these traits are influential, click here.

Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below!

H/T: Business Insider

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