ML Interest Tag: healthy-relationships

8 Things NOT to Say to Your Daughter

by Teresa Douglas

What we say to girls matters. “Our daughters script their stories, at least partially, on how we write them,” says speaker and author Dr. Jody Carrington, Ph.D. “Showing them how we want them to show up in the world while using words that empower them–like “leaders” who are kind and clear, confident, reflective, and responsible—is what they need from us, now more than ever.” While we need to know the phrases that empower the next generation of women, it’s also good to learn what not to say to your daughter.

1. Boys will be boys.

This old-fashioned response to a girl expressing her dislike of a boy’s behavior is toxic. Girls should be taught from a young age that boys shouldn’t get away with unacceptable actions due to their gender. Parents can show their daughters that they take these issues seriously by listening with empathy and taking steps to change the situation.

2. You got lucky.

A Center for Creative Leadership study found that “nearly ½ of all women interviewed attributed their success to ‘luck’ compared to only ⅓ of men.” If we want girls to grow into women who own their achievements, we need to celebrate the work they put into achieving their goals. Did your girl ace her last test? Tell her you’re proud of the way she studied for it. Did she learn a new song on the piano? Celebrate her commitment to regular practice. The more we connect girls’ achievements to their efforts, the easier it will be for them to avoid impostor syndrome as adults.

3. Stop being so bossy.

Telling a girl she’s ‘bossy’ feeds into the stereotype that only boys get to be assertive and girls should be quiet and retiring. Instead, celebrate that she feels confident enough in her opinions to instruct others. Say something like, “You’re so good at making plans for games! Remember that your game should be fun for everybody. Let your friend make some decisions too.” This helps her hone those emerging leadership skills.

4. You would be a lot prettier if you smiled more.

This phrase implies that your daughter’s feelings are less important than looking attractive to everyone else. If you’re worried that your daughter’s overall outlook on life is negative, find ways to discuss the issue without connecting it to her appearance or likeability. “Knowing that they are loved as they help with building self-belief and confidence, especially when others around them are being unkind,” says Dr. Angela Low, a researcher at Child Health BC. 

Discuss the long-term consequences of focusing on the negative in every situation. Negative people miss out on the good things in the world because they fail to notice them. Consider starting a gratitude journal with your daughter. Or have her tell you two positive things about a situation every time she says something negative. You’ll not only help her notice the good details in life but also help her regulate the stories she tells herself.

Related: 10 Times Your Daughter Shouldn’t Say Sorry

5. Get to the point.

If your daughter shares details about her day-to-day life with you, consider yourself lucky. “Resilience researchers study kids that thrive despite difficult circumstances. These kids have one thing in common–a trusted adult who they believe loves them unconditionally,” Dr. Low says. 

“Knowing that an adult has their back no matter what means that they have somewhere to go to seek advice and counsel, when life gets a little overwhelming, or when they make mistakes (as we all do).” Show you’re there for her, even if you’ve heard enough about YouTube and TikTok to last a lifetime. Listen to her now so she will open up to you when it’s crucial, later. If you absolutely can’t listen right away, try saying this: “You’re important to me, and I want to focus on what you have to say. Can you wait for me to finish this task so I can listen to you?”

Related: This ‘5-Minute Rule’ Ensures Kids Will (Almost) Always Tell You the Truth

6. Look how well your friend/sibling does XYZ.

In this era of competitive parenting, you might find yourself looking at another child who is a better dancer, student, athlete, etc. But telling your child they don’t do XYZ as well as another kid is harmful. It leads kids to feel “less than” which leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and other issues. Remember, there’s always going to be someone who does something better than all of us, and it’s better to point out their strengths or guide them to the things that interest them, not what might just look good in a social media feed.

7. You should go on a diet.

Want to know how to talk to your daughter about her weight? Don’t. Instead, teach her how her body works and what types of food and exercise make her body healthy, strong, and well-nourished. Make sure she knows that the bodies she sees in magazines and social media have been digitally edited to achieve that look. Talk about society’s pressures on women to look a certain way, even though bodies come in all shapes and sizes. 

Compliment her for the things her body can do. And make sure you talk about how proud you are of the things YOUR body can do. If she sees you loving your real-world body, it will be easier for her to develop a healthy relationship with food.

8. That’s not for girls.

It’s the 21st century, y’all. Women are achieving amazing things in sports, business, and the sciences. Encourage your daughter to pursue her dreams regardless of whether her aspirations are in traditionally male-dominated areas or not.  Worried that she may run across people who treat her unkindly because they don’t think girls should apply? You can help her navigate any future challenging circumstances now. Connect her to training, sponsors, and networks that can support her goals. This will build her self-confidence and resilience as she pursues her ambitions.

—with additional reporting by Beth Shea

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6 Common Mistakes Parents Make When Starting Solids

by Tonilyn Hornung

So, you’re ready to start your baby on solid foods. At 6 months old, your little one meets the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommended age to begin their foodie journey. You’ve talked to your pediatrician and decided to tempt your baby’s developing taste buds with some yummy single-ingredient bites like bananas, apples, or (my son’s absolute favorite) sweet potatoes. Now comes the big question: How are you feeling? 

It’s normal to be a little (or a lot) nervous when your baby reaches a new milestone, and starting solids is no different. There’s the timing, whether you try baby-led weaning or purées, potential allergies, and the mess of it all. But on the plus, it’s a fun new activity to do with your baby and produces the cutest faces ever. (The way they pucker when they taste lemon? Chef’s kiss.) Plus, there’s nothing to fear because we’re here to help you understand the finer points of feeding. We asked the experts to reveal the most common mistakes parents and caregivers make when starting solids so you can support your baby (and yourself!) during this new and exciting stage. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Not managing expectations

Lots of parents have a preconceived idea of what this new world of solids is going to be like, coloured by loved ones, movies and TV shows, and our own imaginations. You’ll be thrilled when your infant takes to bananas and wants them all the time… until you realize that after each meal you’ll be picking clumps of the sticky fruit off the wall (and out of your hair). So managing your expectations is key off the bat.

“We tend to think that eating is an inherent skill that we’re all born knowing how to do, but that’s actually not true,” says Jenny Friedman MS, RD, Pediatric Dietitian and author of the book Stories of Extreme Picky Eating. Eating is a learned skill and it’s complicated, not to mention the fact that young babies have a natural tongue thrust reflex that pushes food out of their mouths, so Friedman says knowing that your little one will take time to learn and need to explore is helpful. In this case, playing with your food can be a good thing, and Friedman says being open and supportive through this process is a good way to start solid foods. 

2. Being unprepared

When you’re starting solids you’ll also want to gear up on some practical knowledge. “Make sure you’re updated on safety and first aid courses,” says Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, a speech-language pathologist who specializes in pediatric feeding and author of the book Responsive Feeding. This way you’ll feel more confident going in. 

You’ll also want to read up on the different schools of thought on how to approach solid foods. You pretty much have three options, explains Potock: parent or caregiver spoon-feeding with purées, baby-led-weaning where babies practice their motor skills by feeding themselves, or a hybrid approach. Understanding each method allows you to pivot if your chosen technique doesn’t match your infant’s preference. “In my experience, most parents do a hybrid approach to feeding,” says Potock. 

3. Starting too early or too late

Are you trying to figure out when your babe is ready to start solids? There are guidelines for that. Both Potock and Freidman cite the AAP’s suggestion to begin solids at around 6 months old, and the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) offers benchmarks like your baby being able to support themselves while sitting up in a high chair, and trying to grab for small objects. Freidman says ideally your infant should also show some interest in food such as paying attention to the snack you’re eating and even grabbing for it. When all of these signs align, talk to your pediatrician about the feeding process and create a plan that works for you and your little one. 

If your baby shows no interest in the sweetness of their sweet potatoes at first, it doesn’t mean your timing is off. Friedman explains that lots of infants need more than one exposure to a certain food to become comfortable with it. Potock adds that you can help them become more accustomed to different oral sensations by regularly changing up their teethers to safe options in different sizes and textures.

It’s also important to be aware that during your feeds it’s normal for your baby to gag here and there, and is in no way an indication that they aren’t ready for solids. Friedman says gagging is fine because it’s actually a sign that your infant is able to clear food out of their throat. Gagging is a normal reflex that’s loud and can possibly turn your baby’s skin red, whereas choking is quiet and can possibly make baby’s skin turn bluish, according to the NHS. Should you have any concerns here, talk to your healthcare provider.

4. Throwing in the dish towel too quickly

Rumor has it that all babies fuss when starting solid foods and that picky eaters abound. This is why it’s easy to believe that your baby’s pained expression means they don’t relish eating peas—or does it? “Most babies will make faces and gag occasionally at the new sensory experience of eating solid foods,” Potock says. 

However, if you’re finding it hard to move past a particular bout of foodie fussiness, this may have more to do with an underlying issue like a missed nap or teething. In this case, Potock says to respect your child’s behavior and simply give them a break or try again another time. “In my experience, most babies do like most foods.” So, she encourages you not to draw any conclusions too soon about what your little likes and doesn’t like at this stage. 

It’s so important and valuable to introduce your infant to a variety of flavors, textures, and colors when trying out solids. “If your child doesn’t seem to like something right away or if they struggle to eat something, try again,” Friedman says. For example, an apple can be shredded, soft-boiled in halves, or served as applesauce.

5. Putting too much pressure on yourself

Having a shared dinner time can boost your child’s self-esteem, develop healthy eating habits, and improve communication skills, according to the Family Dinner Project.org. But while sharing a meal has proven benefits and might sound easy enough, experts acknowledge that it’s just not always realistic. “I’d love it if babies could be part of family meal times,” Potock says, “but in our busy world that’s not always possible.” 

Freidman echoes this sentiment, saying, “My number one recommendation is that families do what works for them.” She points out that eating together can help babies learn social skills and how to eat, engage, and share food, but that eating together is not a requirement given changing schedules, family commitments, and more. The good news is that even if only your babe is eating, you’re still spending time engaging with them and this is important, too. 

6. Not reading the cues

“Baby has their own internal cues to help them know when they’re full and when they’re hungry,” explains Potock. Being mindful of these signs is a solid way to help your tot enjoy the whole process. “We know for sure that paying attention to baby’s cues and creating positive energies around the experience will help baby look forward to the feeding experience.” While picking up on responsive feeding cues like an eager expression, leaning forward with anticipation, or attempting to self-feed can let you know your little one is ready to go, there are also cues to tell you they’re done the meal—such as head turning, arching their body forward, or no longer opening their mouth—and it’s important to listen. 

Reading your baby’s cues can go a long way in creating a healthy relationship with food, and Freidman emphasizes the importance of not forcing food when they’re giving you cues that they’re done. “Try to establish a responsive, respectful relationship while you’re feeding your kid,” she says. 

The Fun in Food

When it comes to starting solids with your kiddo, there’s definitely a learning curve, but there’s plenty of fun to be had too. Freidman says one of her biggest pieces of advice is remembering to give your babe room to explore—and that a little mess isn’t the end of the world. “When you’re constantly wiping your child’s mouth and catching their food, you’re minimizing their experience of exploration,” Freidman explains. “So wait until the end of the meal and then clean up.” 

And of course, all that mess lends itself to one last piece of advice from Potock: “Get the camera ready because it’s pretty cute!”

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4 Things NOT to Say to a Picky Eater

by Dahlia Rimmon, MS, RDN

If you’re dealing with a picky eater, chances are you’ve seen them reject enough lovingly prepared meals to send you over the edge. We’d bet your kiddo is either stuck on a diet of buttered noodles and crackers or fluctuating between gobbling up everything one day and nothing the next. (Really, how could you even think of offering the same sandwich they couldn’t get enough of last week?) So how do you handle picky eating in the moment? What you say (or don’t say) can positively or negatively impact their relationship with food. It’s so easy to slip into the habit of blurting out whatever you can to coax them into eating, but truth be told, these words might do more harm than good. Here are four phrases you should avoid saying to your kids if they’re picky eaters.

1. “If you finish your broccoli, you can have chocolate cake for dessert.”

When parents struggle to get their kiddos to eat anything nutritious, they often resort to negotiation. In these instances, they may offer sweets or desserts as a reward for eating veggies. While bribing your kids might seem like a convenient solution, it’s actually not helpful in the long run. When you resort to bribery, you’re sending a message that sweets are more valuable than vegetables, which isn’t the best way to encourage a healthy relationship with food. Kids usually want what they can’t have, which can lead to unhealthy obsessions, especially if they’re restricted.

Instead: Forget about negotiations and present healthy foods, like veggies, in new and different ways. Also, try to involve your kids in the kitchen.

2. “Eat one more bite and you may be excused from the table.”

In an attempt to ensure that our fussy eaters get some nutrition, we might insist that they finish a certain amount of food before they can leave the table. Yes, it’ll ensure that they’ve had a bit more to eat, but the problem is your kid might not be hungry or may feel satisfied with the few bites they’ve already taken. When you tie leaving the table to finishing a specific amount of food, you’re essentially pressuring your child to eat rather than listen to their own bodies and decide when they feel full.

Instead: Allow kids to determine how much they eat. They’re born with the ability to self-regulate, so let’s nurture their internal sense of hunger and fullness.

3. “Good job for eating your carrots!” 

When your picky eater finally gives something new a try, you’ll be so tempted to sing their praises or do a little happy dance. But while they’ve taken this huge step forward, it’s important to hold back on showering them with praise for eating. We don’t want our kids’ self-worth or confidence to depend on whether or not they ate something. We also don’t want kiddos to think they’re “good” for eating and “bad” for not.

Instead: While we’re proud of their progress, let’s keep the praise to ourselves.

4. “You’re such a picky eater.”

When you’re truly frustrated with your kid’s selective eating habits, you might throw your hands up and exclaim, “Argh, you’re such a picky eater!” Refrain from labeling your child as “picky” or “fussy” to avoid fostering a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a kiddo constantly hears themselves being referred to as “picky,” they might start to believe it. Plus, just because they’ve refused a certain food ten times it doesn’t mean they’ll reject it the 11th time. Kids will be kids, and you never know—they might just surprise you.

Instead: Keep a neutral attitude and provide opportunities for encouragement.

Remember, your kid’s picky eating may feel like the end of the world right now, but in most cases, it’s just a phase—and they’ll be eating your famous, non-beige bolognese sauce in no time. 

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6 ‘Normal’ Things in Your Relationship That Are Actually Unresolved Resentment

by Gabby Cullen

We’ve all had days when the sight of our partner makes us want to run in the opposite direction. That’s part of being married, after all. But when are those feelings a red flag that something might be wrong? When are the things that might seem normal to you actually unresolved resentment in your relationship? An Instagram post on the subject by Erin Mitchell, MACP, and Stephen Mitchell, PhD, founders of Couples Counseling for Parents, recently grabbed our attention. So we chatted with the married couple, who share three kids, to flush out the six behaviors mentioned in their post. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Having a hard time assuming your partner’s “best.”

“Assuming the best in your partner gives you the space to ask the curious questions and help you navigate and not get stuck in places of resentment. It’s a way of interpreting interactions,” explains Stephen.

For example, your partner comes home crabby and irritable. If you automatically assume the worst, you might think, My partner just said something snarky to me; they always do that. When you assume their best, you might consider, Huh, I wonder if they got enough sleep last night? and ask invitational questions like, ‘Hey, that was snarky. Are you tired; are you okay?’”

2. “Minor” conflicts seem to escalate into “major” conflicts regularly.

It starts small with a menial chore or task—the shoes are everywhere in the house, dishes never seem to make it into the dishwasher, or laundry never gets put away.

These small things can represent resentment in relationships, especially if you aren’t getting the help you need from your partner, and often lead to a larger argument about the relationship. “‘I have to pick up the whole house. I don’t feel like we’re a team. I don’t feel supported. You do nothing. It can even escalate to ‘It’s been this way forever, and now I’m done,’” Stephen says.

Erin points out that escalating conflicts can also arise if one partner seemingly has more “me” time. In a healthy relationship, situations around time should be give-and-take, but a situation can escalate quickly if you have unresolved relationship resentment.

3. Your reflex when your partner is near is to feel tense or guarded.

How you and your partner deal with conflicts plays a role in how you feel when your partner is near, and, as Erin points out, there is a physical reaction aspect of feeling guarded. She describes it as a nervous system feeling: “If you’re not in a resolved, connective place, your partner’s presence may activate your discomfort, which, on a level, represents disconnection in a relationship.”

4. When you think of having a conversation with your partner, you decide it’s not worth it.

This situation boils down to whether or not you expect there to be conflict when trying to communicate with your partner. “A lot of the resentment comes when someone doesn’t feel acknowledged or validated or seen or understood,” Stephen says. “And they feel like they’ve been trying to communicate that to their partner, or their partner, once again, doesn’t get it. It’s that tension of, oh, I don’t want to get into it again.”

5. Arguing about the same thing over and over again and then over again.

If you and your partner continuously argue about the same issue, that’s a sign that communication is lacking, leading to unresolved resentment. As mentioned above, not being heard or validated is a big part of the equation.

6. You not only don’t feel the “spark” anymore, but you’re not sure you miss it.

No closeness in a relationship, whether mentally or physically, is a sign you don’t care to be around your partner, which may be tied to underlying tension or feelings of general dislike or disconnect.

What can you do about unresolved resentment in relationships?

According to the Mitchells, you have to be okay with emotions that might be uncomfortable for you, whether anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc. At that point, you have to understand why that emotion is so hurtful. Then, and only then, you can communicate with your partner gently and with vulnerability.

“Going back to the example of the shoes, if you acknowledge that yeah, it’s just shoes, but explain you’re feeling out of sorts (a bad day at work, kids talking back), and having an organized home is important [to you]. It’s really about you, not the shoes. Make it about yourself and not your partner—that’s communicating with vulnerability. You want your partner to get you, and you want to feel seen.”

Erin elaborates, “It isn’t the little things you feel sad or angry about, but the disconnect in the partnership.”

Related: Psychologist Reveals the 4 Signs of a Doomed Relationship

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7 Non-Sneaky Ways to Get Your Kids to Love Veggies

by Dahlia Rimmon, MS, RDN

When babies suddenly turn into picky toddlers overnight, refusing their favorite maple-roasted carrots and tossing their butternut squash fries on the floor, the idea of hiding veggies in their food is super tempting. It’s almost too easy: mixing riced cauliflower into regular rice, blending mashed sweet potato into muffin batter, or baking black bean into brownies. But is sneaking vegetables into your kid’s food actually the best way forward? 

We want our kids to like veggies because there are so many reasons to. They’re yummy, they can be prepared in so many different ways, and they’re packed with essential vitamins and minerals that do so many awesome things for our bodies. But hiding them without disclosure can be tricky, fostering a sense of distrust that can backfire in the long run. Instilling a love of vegetables (or, at times, a tolerance) involves understanding their ever-evolving preferences and establishing an appreciation for veggies as they are—not disguised in smoothies, mac and cheese, or cookies (though these are all totally fine if you tell your littles what they’re eating).

Instead of trying to pull a fast one on your children by slipping vegetables into their meals undetected, let’s explore some more effective strategies to increase the likelihood that your kiddo will eat them. 

Variety is the spice of life

Regularly switch up the way you serve veggies. Roast cauliflower instead of steaming it or cut zucchini into half moons rather than thin spears. Your kiddo might be avoiding steamed cauliflower because it’s too mushy, and rejecting zucchini spears because, well, toddlers being toddlers! Another approach is to flavor your veggies differently. Maybe your little is bored of garlic-sesame green beans (how dare they?!), so experiment with new flavor profiles using zaatar, mild curry, soy sauce, or ghee. Lots of toddlers love the act of dipping, so throw some creamy ranch on the side of raw veggie sticks. The key here is to vary the texture, flavor, and presentation.

Serve vegetables alongside favorite foods 

Create a sense of safety and comfort with the unknown by serving veggies alongside (not hidden in) their favorite dishes. Kids will often reject new foods because they feel overwhelmed by the novelty. If you plop a piece of roasted eggplant on their plate, it might make them feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed and they’ll likely turn it down. However, if you present the roasted eggplant alongside their favorite fruit or pasta, they may feel more comfortable at mealtime, increasing the likelihood that they’ll eat it. It’s not an instant magical solution, but your kiddo has a better chance of trying something new if they feel at ease at the table.

Ease into veggies by having some fun

Another way to make veggies less intimidating is to introduce them without the expectation that they be eaten right away. Make them fun by setting up creative art projects like crafting rainbow veggie kabobs or making smiley faces out of broccoli, tomatoes, and bell peppers. Build towers with carrots and cucumbers, explore gardening, or let them pick out a new vegetable at the grocery store. The key is to approach veggies in a laid-back manner—no pressure necessary!

Consider taking on a sous chef (or three)

Involving your kids in the kitchen allows them to experience food in a new, interactive way. Try kicking off your cooking adventures with a field trip to the grocery store to pick out ingredients. They can help you prep the grocery list and find the items at the store. Then, put your kids to work peeling, spinning the salad spinner, whirring the blender, or chopping (I love these kid-friendly knives!). They can also help keep track of when dishes are ready and assist in serving them when it’s time to eat. The whole experience gives them a glimpse into a food’s journey from the grocery shelves to the plate.

Try a little exposure therapy 

The more opportunities your kiddo has to engage with veggies, the better, as it helps them become more familiar with the food. Regularly incorporate them into meals and snacks to increase exposure. Serve them family-style on a large plate in the center of the table so they can choose what looks tempting, or offer small portions with plated meals to keep it breezy. Funnily enough, some kids eat better in groups, so consider serving a veggie tray at your next play date and watch what happens. 

Give them some autonomy

Offering kids choices is one of the best parenting hacks I’ve discovered. It empowers kids by giving them a sense of control over their options and boosts their confidence. When serving veggies, give your kids the opportunity to choose how they’re prepared, served, or plated. For instance, you could ask, “Would you like some ranch dressing or Thousand Island dressing with your carrots?” or “Would you prefer your cucumbers cut into circles or spears?”

Never resort to bribing or bargaining

While bribing your kids to eat veggies may seem like a good idea when you’re at your wit’s end, it’s actually not helpful (or beneficial) in the long run. When you use bribery or bargaining tactics, you’re sending the message that one food has more value than another. Plus, placing certain items on a pedestal isn’t the best approach to fostering a healthy relationship with food. Kids will be kids, and they’ll always want what they can’t have or what seems more special, which can turn into an unhealthy obsession. Ultimately, we want children to genuinely enjoy veggies, not just eat them as a means of getting dessert.

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15 Signs You’re in a Relationship That Will Last

by Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

If you’ve ever been lucky in love, you’ve likely experienced first-hand the butterfly flutters in your stomach when you meet your perfect match. While that first rush of physical attraction may fade, relationships that ultimately stand the test of time often share similar qualities that outlast the initial spark. We asked several leading experts to weigh in on the most powerful predictors behind long-term relationship success, and boy, did they deliver.

1. You lead with laughter.

Let’s face it: Life is messy, and laughter is often the glue that keeps things from completely falling apart. If you can laugh so hard that you chuckle-snort and your partner still finds you irresistibly adorable, then your relationship likely is on solid ground. According to Dr. Sara Algoe, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and director of The Love Consortium, shared laughter is critical in a successful, lasting relationship. “It signals that you see the world in the same way. We found that people who shared laughter felt more connected than those who did not share laughter,” she says.

2. You fight fair.

Think respectful disagreements, not WWE smackdowns. Dr. John Gottman, world-renowned researcher on marital stability and divorce prediction and co-founder of The Gottman Institute, says a couple’s ability to resolve conflict—or their repairing skills—is often the single greatest sign of a healthy relationship. “Our partners don’t always have to think like we think. That’s what makes life interesting—it would be boring to be married to yourself,” says Gottman. Bonus points if you can apologize without making it sound like you’re reciting the alphabet backward. Find out more about Gottman’s work on the 4 Horsemen of Relationships here.

3. You operate as a team.

The over-used aphorism “teamwork makes the dream work” has become something of a corporate cliché, but when it comes to tackling life’s curveballs, couples that operate as a unified team have a higher chance at success than those who only fend for themselves. Andreas Narum, certified psychologist, couples therapist, and founder of Remainly explains, “Good teamwork acknowledges that there are two separate sets of thoughts and feelings.” Whether co-navigating parenting duties or making shared decisions about finances, facing challenges side-by-side and high-fiving each other’s victories along the way make the relationship work.

4. You have fun together.

If everything feels like a chore with your partner, it’s probably a glaring red flag the relationship won’t work out in the long term. According to a study conducted by researchers at Utah State University, “Having fun together can help couples feel positive emotions, which can increase relationship satisfaction, help couples to unite to overcome differences, and give hope when working through difficult challenges.” At the most basic level, a relationship should be fun, and being together should spark joy, not anger or anxiety.

5. You celebrate each other’s wins—big or small.

While jealousy is undoubtedly a relationship red flag, authentic, caring support and encouragement are the love languages of many lasting relationships. “The quality of positive support—reassurance that a partner is loved and esteemed and is capable of taking control of his or her life—is the most crucial factor in the health of any relationship,” says Dr. Sue Johnson, clinical psychologist and founder of The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

6. You make time for each other, even when life gets crazy.

It’s easy for many couples to fall into a rut, especially for those in long-term relationships. In a recently published study, Dr. Samantha Joel, relationship researcher and assistant professor at Western University in London, Ontario, found partners who regularly checked in with each other sustained better relationships in the long term. Think quality date nights, not just Netflix binges on the couch. “When it comes to a satisfying relationship, the partnership you build is more important than the partner you pick,” she says.

7. Honesty and trust are your relationship anthems.

“Trust is the first and perhaps most important predictor of long-term relational success,” says Preston Ni, communications coach and author of How to Communicate Effectively and Handle Difficult People. “Ask yourself the following questions: In general, is your partner reliable? Can you count on your partner as the ‘rock’ in your life? What about you for your partner?” The key is to be truthful, even when it’s tough. Trust is the bedrock of any lasting love story, and if you’ve got a partnership that’s founded on honesty, it’s a definite sign of a healthy relationship.

8. You forgive each other.

We all make mistakes, and the ability to forgive can turn a potentially toxic situation into a learning opportunity. “Admitting wrongdoing is a form of vulnerability, and vulnerability is an essential part of building a close relationship,” says Cindy Frantz, professor of psychology at Oberlin College. Instead of holding a grudge (I will never forget what you did in 2012!), let go and move forward.

9. You respect each other’s boundaries.

Instead of thinking of “me” time as selfishness, understand that healthy relationships respect (and even encourage) autonomy, giving each partner the space to breathe and be individuals. “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy,” says Esther Perel, clinical psychologist, and expert on human relationships. “Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”

10. You’re both willing to grow and change.

Much like relationship ruts, comfort zones are easy to fall into and get stuck. A sign of a healthy relationship is when couples understand that learning and evolving are essential components of their relationship journey together. Embracing personal growth and change—both individually and as a couple—ensures that one partner isn’t running far ahead while the other is left behind.

11. You share similar values.

While having different perspectives and opinions is natural in any relationship, sharing core values is essential to the success of a healthy long-term relationship. To navigate decisions big and small—from family planning to what’s for dinner and everything in between—coming to a consensus about what matters is fundamental to all successful relationships.

12. You appreciate the little things.

Whether making coffee in the morning or saying “I love you” more often, recognizing and appreciating small acts of kindness will keep the love tank full. “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts,” says The Gottman Institute’s Dr. John Gottman.

13. You can always be yourself.

Putting your best self forward early in a relationship may mean smoothing out some of the rough patches of your character. But partners in lasting, loving relationships accept each other as is, flaws and all. “If you’re true to yourself, it is easier to act in ways that build intimacy in relationships, and that’s going to make your relationship more fulfilling,” says Amy Brunell, professor of psychology at Ohio State University. Embrace your weird and wonderful self—as well as your partner’s unique quirks!

14. You dream about the future together.

Setting future goals and plans and working toward fulfilling them in the future is a powerful, connecting exercise for couples and a sign of a healthy relationship. According to research conducted by Utah State University, dreaming together as a couple can provide extra meaning and bring depth, closeness, and connection between partners. Shared goals and aspirations create a sense of purpose and excitement for what’s to come.

15. You feel safe, loved, and supported.

Research shows people in healthy long-term relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely than those without them. In terms of life expectancy, living without strong, meaningful relationships is as unhealthy as smoking. Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston and author of Dare to Lead, explains, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all men, women, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.” Ultimately, a lasting relationship is a haven where you can be your true self and know you’re always loved unconditionally.

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Mom Who Packed Pringles Gets Passive-Aggressive ‘Healthy Choices’ Note from School

by Christina Marfice

A mom is going viral on TikTok after she got a passive aggressive note about “healthy choices” after packing Pringles in her son’s lunch

Food shaming anyone is a dumb thing to do. But food shaming a literal toddler? Ugh, how has we, as a society, not moved past that by now? One mom is going viral on TikTok for sharing the passive aggressive message she received from her son’s school after she sent him in with Pringles as a snack, and the aftermath of this insane situation will make your blood boil.

Megan, who goes by @peaveymegan on TikTok, shared in her first video that she opened her son’s lunchbox after school to find that his teachers had written her a snarky note on the empty Pringles container.

@peaveymegan

#repost #momsoftiktok

♬ original sound – Megan PV

“I sent my son to school with Pringles, which is a very age-appropriate snack for a 3-year-old,” she explained. “And this is what the school sent, ‘Please help us make healthy choices at school.’ They snack-shamed my 3-year-old. They snack-shamed me by writing that passive aggressively on his trash.”

Obviously, Megan was annoyed. I mean, what mom wouldn’t be? This is, objectively, a ridiculous thing to do. Plus, as she went on to explain in the video, she’s doing her darnedest to instill a healthy relationship with food in her son, who lives in a world that will just beat him down with toxic food messaging like this.

“At our house, we do not label things as ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ because that starts eating disorders,” she said.

But Megan’s follow-up videos are where things go really off the rails. In her first follow-up, she explains that she heard back from the school regarding their passive aggressive note.

“So I dropped my son off at school today. I checked him in, and I saw that the director was there, so I initiated the conversation. So, I just shared how I was disappointed with how, you know, it was handled. I wish that they had reached out to me directly. I said it was kind of passive aggressive to write it on his empty Pringles Cup,” she said. Apparently, the director was the one who wrote the note. And then they claimed that Megan was actually the passive aggressive one for continuing to send Pringles to school after getting the note. What?!

@peaveymegan

Part one of pringle gate update #update #momsoftiktok #viral

♬ original sound – Megan PV

The director then dropped the bombshell that Megan’s son, who was all set to attend a summer program at the school, no longer had a spot in those classes. Megan, being a bad*ss, just removed her son from the school altogether, which, good for her.

In a second follow-up video, she explained further (not that she needs to) that she’s a working mom, and policing her food choices for her three-year-old is counter-productive.

@peaveymegan

Part II ~*~*~* #update #momsoftiktok

♬ original sound – Megan PV

“Sometimes it’s easier for me to just throw in a freaking thing of Pringles, OK,” she said. Preach, mama!

She continued, “If we’re sending food that we think is good for our children, then why can’t they just let them have that?”

As frustrating as this whole situation had to have been, it sounds like Megan’s son is better off not attending that school. And consider this a message if you’re someone who would ever think to food-shame a toddler: Just don’t.

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Mom Expertly Responds to Teacher Who Called Her Son’s Lunch ‘Disgusting’

by Christina Marfice

A mom had the perfect response when her son’s teacher called his packed lunch “disgusting” and “inappropriate” for school

If you’ve never waded into Reddit’s “AITA” forum, you’re missing out on some of the best debates the internet has to offer. It’s a place where people can share stories and situations and ask the internet if they’re the as*hole in the situation—and today, we’ve got a real doozy from a mom who’s battling with her son’s preschool teacher over his packed lunches.

“I (34F) have a (5M) son who attends preschool,” the mom wrote. “A few hours after I picked him up from school today, I got a phone call from his teacher. She made absolutely no effort to sound kind when she, in an extremely rude and annoyed tone, told me to stop packing my son such “disgusting and inappropriate” lunches. I felt absolutely appalled when she said this, as me and the teacher have, up until now, always maintained a very friendly relationship. She added that the lunches I’m packing my son are ‘very distracting for the other students and have an unpleasant odor.’ I told her that I understand her concerns, as the lunches I pack are definitely not the healthiest, but the lunches are according to my son’s preferences.”

AITA for packing my kid an “inappropriate” lunch?
byu/flowergardens0 inAmItheAsshole

She goes on to describe her son’s typical lunches, which are not that unusual at all, TBH.

“The usual lunch that I send him to school with is small celery sticks with blue cheese and goat cheese, kimchi and spam (we are Korean and he absolutely adores this dish), and spicy Doritos marinated in Sriracha (I know, I know, but he deserves a snack, and I don’t put that many chips in the baggy.),” she wrote. “I ended the call by saying that I very much appreciated her worries, but that at the end of the day, I am not going to drastically change my sons’ lunches all of a sudden, and that it’s not my fault if other students are ‘distracted’ by his meal. It is very important to me what my son enjoys, and I want him to like my lunches.”

That’s honestly the perfect response. It’s polite but still firm, leaving absolutely no room for this teacher to keep up her vaguely racist assault on food a pre-schooler likes to eat. But of course, the story doesn’t end there.

“The teacher sent an Email to me an hour ago saying that my response was ‘unacceptable’ and that his lunches are ‘just too inappropriate to be sent to school any longer,'” the mom wrote. “I haven’t responded yet and don’t want to. I want to maintain a healthy relationship with my son’s teachers. I am confused as to what to do.”

Comment
byu/flowergardens0 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

Comment
byu/flowergardens0 from discussion
inAmItheAsshole

The results from commenters are pretty resounding: this mom is not the a-hole. While a few commenters point out that food from unfamiliar cultures can cause kids to be ostracized at school, the vast majority of them see the real issue here: that this teacher has an opportunity to teach these kids about different cultures but is choosing this instead.

There’s no such thing as “disgusting” food. There may be food you don’t like or food you aren’t familiar with. But your right to make rude comments ends where someone else’s lunchbox begins, and it’s too bad this teacher missed the memo.

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Dad Goes Viral for Note He Wrote to Teachers Criticizing His Daughter’s ‘Unhealthy’ Lunch

by Christina Marfice

This dad had the perfect response to teachers who wouldn’t stop criticizing his daughter’s food and eating choices

You know what they say: kids are like sponges, soaking up so much more knowledge and information than we give them credit for. That’s why this dad had to put his foot down—hard—when his daughter’s teachers wouldn’t stop criticizing her lunch. Girls getting to grow up without shame associated with food and eating is a good thing—someone please make sure these teachers get the memo.

In a viral TikTok video, Ross Hunt explained how the staff at his daughter Isabelle’s school just wouldn’t stop making comments about “non-healthy” foods in the lunches she was bringing from home.

@teddyevascents

Designing a label for the lunch box 👀 #teddyevascents #parentinglife

♬ original sound – Teddy Eva Scents

Impersonating teachers who insisted that his daughter eat her “healthy” food before any treats, Hunt said, “Oh, don’t eat that! Eat your sandwich! Oh, you shouldn’t eat that!”

He continued, “It’s f—king irritating and it puts Isabelle off from taking her lunch with her. It’s okay if she eats the chocolate cake the school gives you, but if you put it in in their lunchbox, ‘Oh no, you shouldn’t have that!'”

So Hunt came up with the perfect solution, which he shows off in the video: a note reading, “Welcome to Isabelle’s Lunch Box! We are aware of the contents of this box and are happy for her to eat whatever she wants.”

Bravo to this dad! It really is that easy to give your kid autonomy and choice around their food, helping them to grow up with a healthy relationship to it that allows them to eat a wide variety of foods with healthy moderation. (After all, there’s no such thing as “good” or “bad” food.)

In follow-up videos, Hunt showed the result: Isabelle ate her whole sandwich, skipped her carrots because they fell on the floor (valid), and didn’t eat the sweets that had been packed in her lunch box that day because her teachers didn’t let her without eating the floor carrots. Ugh. Time for a bigger, more visible version of that note.

@teddyevascents

Reply to @corey..cj Let’s see what she brought home 👀 #schooldinners #teddyevascents

♬ original sound – Teddy Eva Scents

In another follow-up video, Hunt explained that his kids are typically given their meals at home on a cafeteria-style tray that includes an entree, fruit and veggie sides, and dessert all at once. His younger child, he explained, usually goes straight for the sweet—and Isabelle used to, too. But now that she’s a little older, she typically saves dessert for the end of her meal. Either way is fine—these kids are eating nutritious meals and learning to enjoy food the way they want to—just like they should.

@teddyevascents

Reply to @mummabearknowsbest We just put it all out for them to pick I guess 🙌🏻 #teddyevascents

♬ original sound – Teddy Eva Scents

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