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If you find yourself spending all day repeating “No No No” to your kids, consider planning a ‘Yes Day’

No matter what type of parent you are, we’re betting you find yourself saying the word “no” more often than you ever thought you would. Give that word, and yourself, a break by surprising the kids with a Yes Day. What is a Yes Day? It’s exactly like it sounds. One day where kids get to request whatever they want (see rules below), and you go along for the ride. Will they eat way too much candy? Probably. Will it be one of the best days of the year for you and your family? Absolutely. Oh, and the trail of candy wrappers you’ll be picking up the day after? Worth it.

 

So, What Exactly IS a ‘Yes Day?’

A Yes Day sounds exactly like what it is—it’s a day where your answer to your kids will always be “yes.”  Ice cream for breakfast? Yes. Wearing pajamas all day? Yep. Movie marathon? You got it.  Before you decide this is a miserable idea, hear us out. With a few simple ground rules and a little prep, this day will become one that everyone in the family loves.

‘Yes Day’ Background

If the idea of a Yes Day sounds familiar (looking at you, Jennifer Garner fans) the idea originated from a book of the same name by Amy Rosenthal-Krause and Tom Lichtenheld. A little boy in the story gets a day when his parents can’t say no to anything. Sounds like a kid’s dream, right? But guess what? Saying yes to your kids teaches you something, too. Parents who indulge in a Yes Day report a feeling of closeness and connectedness with their kids. And guess what that results in? Kids listen better. One mom told us that after her first Yes Day with her son, she discovered just how many times she automatically said no, to herself and her kid, when she didn’t need to.

 

It’s Not As Scary As You Think

Yes Day rules
Andie Huber

 

Of course, the concept of allowing your kids to run wild for a day where you can’t say no would be alarming. But not if you lay out the boundaries, first. The first thing to remind kids is that a Yes Day is one day, and the requests cannot be something that causes harm to themselves or anyone else.

Second, you also get to ask the kids to do things: but your ground rules are that you shouldn’t ask them to do additional “boring” stuff beyond their everyday chores, homework, etc. You should ask them to do random things, like “Do you want to run around the house four times with me?” Or, “Do you mind if I wear your fairy wings?”

Make sure you are clear with the kids that a Yes Day only lasts for a day, meaning any requests made cannot take place over a series of days, or in the future. Plus, you can limit the amount of travel you’re able to do in one day. (i.e.: no spur-of-the-moment trips to Disney.) This can also apply to how much money it costs. Set a budget you’re comfortable with, and it will remove some anxiety about what they can choose.

You can ease into Yes Day by trying a Yes Morning or Yes Afternoon. Pick your day in advance, too, to encourage kids to plan “Mom, can we have a jump rope competition?” Save it for Yes Day! Besides, the anticipation is half the fun.

And the real golden rule? Don’t do it on a weekday/schoolday/workday.

Above all, you know your kids best. And the chances of them asking for something outlandish are pretty slim. The real joy comes from hearing “Yes.”

Some Cool Ideas for Your ‘Yes Day’

father and son having fun for yes day
iStock

 

If you’re on the fence about whether this could work in your family, maybe some ideas for Yes Day will convince you to do it. This will vary depending on the ages of your kids, but keeping it simple will help it work across the board. In the days leading up to your selected day, you can drop some hints about what activities would be cool to do on Yes Day.

Consider a family game night, and get a new board game or two to have on hand.

Head to a local park where you swing with them on the swings or play that endless game of tag.

Eat dessert before dinner.

Keep a bunch of crafting supplies on hand and be ready to create.

Do crazy, messy science experiments.

Build an epic fort.

Remember, the key is for the kids to see you enjoying yourself doing the things that they value.

Why You Should Do It

While you may think there’s nothing constructive to come out of learning how to have a Yes Day with your family, the benefits might surprise you. With just one day a year, you’re empowering your children to make decisions, as silly as they may be, and allowing them to see a different side of you. Hearing no all the time can be a little defeating, for both you and them, and giving them authority for one day teaches them how to use it. Not only that, but also permitting yourself to be relaxed and carefree one day a year prompts you to live in the moment, much like kids do every day, and enjoy every minute. You’re making memories that will last a lifetime for both you and the kids, full of giggles and most importantly, time spent together.

Sometimes, saying “I’m proud of you” can make all the difference

When you become a parent, you pick up the basics pretty quickly. It’s figuring out how to raise happy and confident kids that can be a challenge as the years go on. What we do know is that positive words for kids will go a long way to help boost their confidence and change their day for the better—sometimes it’s words of encouragement, and sometimes it’s just a simple “I love you.” In that spirit, here are 30 positive things to say to kids.

mom smiling at daughter
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1. You make me smile. Telling your kiddo they make you happy is one thing. But telling them they're the reason for your smile will give them happiness and a sense of pride that'll stick around all day.

2. Your words matter. The old saying "sticks and stones" isn't entirely accurate. Let your kids know that words have power.

3. Tell me one good thing that happened today. Focusing on the positive helps keep the bad stuff at bay.

4. Tell me one bad thing that happened today. It’s important to talk about the bad stuff too.

5. I'm proud of you for doing XYZ. When kids hear that someone is proud of them, it has a big impact on them. Think of one positive thing, and tell your little one about it.

Related: The Only 2 Things to Say to Your Kid after a Game

mom hugging her daughter
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6. Mistakes happen. Kids are a messy business, and they may ruin the nice stuff you own. But what's more important—material things (just keep the priceless china stashed away) or your kids knowing they can come to you when they make a mistake? That knowledge that you love them unconditionally goes a long way in life.

7. How are you? Asking your kiddo how she feels shows that you are interested in them. Brandi Russell, a pediatric occupational therapist, and parenting coach recommends checking in with your little ones just as you would a spouse or friend.

8. What would you do? This is a great response to kids always asking for help with things. Empower them while giving yourself a break. You may not think much of it now, but that empowerment goes a long way as they grow older.

9. What nice thing did you do or say today? Encourage kindness by reinforcing it daily.

10. Nothing will change my love for you. This phrase may seem self-evident, but sometimes kids need you to state the obvious. Rebecca Eans, the bestselling author of Positive Parenting, believes you can't go wrong with this loving reminder.

Related: 20 Empowering Things to Say to Your Daughter Every Day

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11. Don’t let mean people define who you are. There will always be bullies in life. This simple phrase helps kids know that negative voices are not the most important, and it's a lesson they can remember as they encounter difficult people as teens and adults.

12. I like it when you … Even when the kids are driving you crazy, there’s always at least one thing they did that made you smile.

13. Please. If we want respect as parents, then we need to show that same behavior to our kids. Dr. John DeGarmo, a national foster parent coach, advocates parents should always say "please" and "thank you" to model respectful behavior.

14. Clean up your toys, dishes, or whatever is left out. Encourage kids to take ownership of cleaning up their belongings, says Maureen Healy, author of Growing Happy Kids. Even if it’s just one or two items a day, it will help you in the long run.

15. That’s smart thinking. Sometimes hearing you’re smart is even more powerful than telling a kid she looks cute. That early feeling of being called intelligent is sometimes one of the memories kids remember most as they grow.

Related: 11 Important Things Dads Should Say to Their Sons

dad spending time with daughter
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16. I like you. Kids may hear the words “I love you” regularly, but do they know you like them too?

17. I’m proud of you. They know you love them. But do they know you’re proud of them too? Author, and clinical psychologist, Dr. Sherrie Campbell believes those words are just as important as affirmations of love to kids.

18. Thank you. Social skills and courtesy are important in the home and outside of it, and they are skills that go through adulthood.

19. I’m sorry. We all lose our temper or make mistakes. Dr. Alison Mitzner, a pediatric specialist, believes what’s important is how we react.

20. Just be yourself. Teach your kids they’re enough, and they never have to be anyone else.

Related: 10 Things to Say About Yourself in Front of Your Kid

mom and son starting the day with postivity
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21. I love being with you. Amy McCready is a parenting educator who believes encouraging words and phrases go a long way to help your kids feel safe and secure. Telling your little one how you love being with them is a great positive affirmation they'll never tire of hearing.

22. Do your best. It’s not about the result. It’s about how you get there.

23. Always tell the truth, even if it’s not great. The sooner kids know you’ll still love them after hearing the truth—even if it’s not great—the more truthful they’ll be as they grow.

24. I'm listening. What do you want to say? According to Katie Hurley, LCSW, 57% of girls say they don’t always tell their parents certain things because they don’t want their parents to think badly of them. Show your kids you do care what they have to say by demonstrating you want to listen to them share information with you.

25. You don’t have to eat it. It’s tough to deal with picky eaters. Instead of fighting with your kids to eat their veggies, give them the power to say no and be in control. But don’t provide an alternative meal choice or dessert either.

Related: 7 Things NOT to Say to Your Daughter

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26. You make me happy. Because everyone wants to feel like they matter to someone else.

27. I love you. They may be simple, but Jennifer Wolf, a PCI-certified parent coach, believes there's no substitute for these powerful words.

28. What do you think we should do today? Letting your kids have a say in the day's activities will do a lot to keep them feeling satisfied and valued for more than just a few hours.

29. You make a difference... in life, in the family, and at school. When kids hear they're important, they feel empowered and happier.

30. You were right. To let a child know when they were right (and maybe you were wrong) is empowering. 

 

 

A Yes Day made my daughter a happier kid, too

I was lucky to have an easy baby. My daughter grew up to be a great kid with a level head and patience beyond her years. But even when the cosmos are in your favor, things can go wrong. My kid has a sweet tooth like Willy Wonka and an obsession with collecting stuffed animals and art supplies.

Like most parents, I found myself saying “no,” “not now,” and “maybe some other time” more often than I liked. I caught myself slowly turning into my mother when, “We don’t need to buy an ice cream cone, we have ice cream at home!” would tumble out of my mouth.

My little lady would hang her head, sadly whisper “Okay mama,” and walk on by whatever had caught her eye. Every time I’d feel like I won a victory of responsibility while simultaneously sabotaging her happy childhood.

It’s no wonder so many adults give in to the whims of children. It’s easy to feel like a jerk.

Then one day, we decided to give an idea a trial run: Yes Day. The first of the month would be heralded as a shining beacon of possibilities and extravagance, much like a child looks forward to his or her birthday. Now instead of saying “no” all the time I could say, “Let’s save that for Yes Day.” I had no idea what to expect.

When the first day of the next month rolled around, the first request came in: chocolate chips in pancakes, with extra chocolate chips on the side. As the next dozen hours chugged along, more requests came in: extra TV time, a later bedtime, and a skipped shower. In essence, our first Yes Day had turned into a lazy Saturday.

I had mentally prepared for the worst, but in reality, the limits were only tested in quantities small enough for a child to grasp. In our case, it turned out that when you can have anything, you realize you’re okay just as you are.

A decent kid with a responsible moral compass won’t suddenly turn into a monster for 24 hours. So go ahead. Give it a try. Your kids may be amazed to spend a day hearing “Yes” all day long. Take off your responsible grown-up hat for a while and jump in the puddle, eat the extra chocolate and climb a little higher right alongside them.

Maybe we parents could use a Yes Day too.

Maggie and her family roost in the Pacific Northwest and share their travels, homeschool field trips, curriculum ideas and lifest‌yle tips from a city-based homestead. Maggie is a cooking enthusiast and avid student of history and science. She's also mother to an "old soul" tween daughter. 

It’s almost Hocus Pocus season––er, Halloween! If your family is a fan of the 90’s cult classic, this new book will up your family movie night.

Ulysses Press is getting ready to drop The Unofficial Hocus Pocus Cookbook: Bewitchingly Delicious Recipes for Fans of the Halloween Classic, 28 years after the freaky film debuted. The 60+ collection of recipes boasts must-make meals that bring the film to life, like Mischief Night Pasta and Baked Witch Casserole.

Compiled with recipes from Bridget Thoreson, kids and adults alike will thoroughly enjoy running amok, amok, amok over William’s Wormy Bed Dirt Cake while enjoying your family movie night. Thoreson shares, “While blondies are no substitute for Bette and no cocktail is quite as funny as hearing a young girl humiliate her older brother by saying ‘Yabos,’ I hope you’ll find the recipes and references fun, delicious, and delightfully spooky, and you’ll rewatch the film again and again accompanied by the goodies in this booo-ooooo-ooook.”

The Unofficial Hocus Pocus Cookbook: Bewitchingly Delicious Recipes for Fans of the Halloween Classic ($15.99) goes on sale Sept. 7, but you can already pre-order on Amazon.

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of Ulysses Press

 

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While we may never again have to wrestle with an akimbo paper map while ambling down the interstate, there are plenty of good reasons to pass proper map-reading skills down to the next generation. From spatial awareness to instilling a sense of adventure, maps are magical and learning how to use one can start at almost any age. Read on for our tips on how to teach your little navigators a thing or two.

Photo: Pixabay

Tiniest Travelers: Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-4)

Don’t depend on these kids to direct to the nearest gas station, but little ones as young as one and two years old can get familiar with directional terms, just by hearing you use them often.

Words to use frequently: right and left, farther and nearer, here and there, and above and below.

Things to observe together: The sun rising and setting, the movement of the moon and stars, even their own height as marked on a wall.

Tools to use: A globe or oversized map; Easy maze puzzles; a My Place in the World DIY Project.

DIY-treasure_map
Photo: KiwiCrate

Kindy-pendent Explorers (5-9) 

From kindergarten through third grade, kids’ awareness of their surroundings explodes and they are able to grasp more abstract ideas (like symbols on a flat piece of paper representing real places and distances).

Terms to Talk About: North, South, East and West; the compass rose; The sun rising in the east, setting in the west; feet and miles.

Things to Do Together: Make a map of their bedroom or your own backyard; try to find and study new maps where ever you go: malls, bus or train stops, the library.

Tools to Use: A compass, a collection of local maps; a DIY treasure map project!

 

–Erin Feher

Featured image: Pixabay

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Instagram continues to be a behemoth in the world of social media, with more than a billion unique visitors on a monthly basis. Teens and pre-teens use the site to share photos and memes, private message and follow brands, but the platform has its share of pitfalls. Today Instagram announced changes to the platform that include defaulting young people into private accounts and making it harder for suspicious accounts to find young people.

“Young people” are defined as 16 and younger in the U.S. In a statement, Instagram said “Wherever we can, we want to stop young people from hearing from adults they don’t know, or that they don’t want to hear from.” The biggest preventative step will be defaulting this audience into a private account as they join the platform, instead of a public account.

That step allows users to control who sees or responds to content. With a private account, people have to follow you to see your content and you approve those followers manually. Even more critically, private account content does not show up in places like Explore or in the hashtag search section. Instagram notes that new users can still choose to have a public account and teens who are already signed up will see a notification explaining the benefits of a private account.

Instagram has also developed new technology to track accounts with “potentially suspicious behavior.” These accounts belong to adults that may have been blocked or reported by a young person. This feature means accounts that exhibit this behavior won’t be able to follow or comment on young people’s accounts.  The technology is currently rolling out worldwide and isn’t perfect, but it’s another move by the platform to support online safety.

Finally, Instagram is limiting how advertisers can interact with its younger audience. The upcoming change means advertisers can only target ads to teens based on age, gender and location. Previously, ads could also target teens on interests, or on activity on other apps and websites. This change was based on conversations with youth advocates and will affect Facebook and Messenger, too.

––Sarah Shebek

Featured image courtesy of Gaelle Marcel, Unsplash

 

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Have you been considering learning sign language but wondering how you and your family might benefit? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Sign language can support development in many areas and here’s how:

1. Sign Language Helps to Solidify One’s Deaf Identity
Do you have a Deaf child or anyone in your family who is Deaf? American Sign Language (ASL) is used throughout North America, and the sign language for each country is an integral part of its unique Deaf community. There is a rich culture and history surrounding sign language and it is an essential component to developing one’s Deaf identity. Sign allows for language to be accessible to deaf children from birth, providing the opportunity for them to acquire language, engage in learning, develop supportive relationships, and socialize on par with their hearing peers.

2. Sign Language Can Help to Bridge Two Spoken Languages & Lead to Trilingualism
Are you already a bilingual family? Once you speak two languages, it’s easier to learn a 3rd—your brain is wired for it. Sign language can also aid in bridging two spoken languages: when your child hears one parent or family member say “milk” and another say “leche” and each one signs it (in ASL, for example), the same sign connects and provides consistent meaning to the two different words. Meanwhile, a 3rd language is acquired!

3. Sign Language Helps to Clarify Word Approximations & Expand Vocabulary, While Also Giving a Real Language to Children Who Don’t Develop Speech
Do you need clarification because you can’t understand what your child is trying to say? It’s possible that they’re using words you might not expect from a young child, and asking for sign clarification can help. If your child is looking at flowers but saying something like “ggog”, perhaps the sign for ‘pretty’ would let you know that they picked up your descriptive use of the word ‘gorgeous!’ Or maybe they are saying “bah” for many things—distinct signs can let you know if your child is referring to a book, or the bath, a banana, or a bird… and that way they’re expanding their overall language use through sign. Additionally, some hearing children with disabilities may not develop speech, and ASL (or the local sign language where you live) can be essential as their primary expressive language.

4. Sign Language Can Help to Strengthen Motor Coordination & Support Literacy Skills
While these two things seem to be quite separate, there’s more connection than one may think. Crawling requires cross-lateral coordination which strengthens overall brain development. This type of movement and practice helps to solidify eye-hand coordination and spatial awareness, among other skills that are required in reading. Left or right-hand dominance develops here as well, leading to comfort with writing. Also, fingerspelling allows for practice in fine motor skills while providing opportunities for spelling and reading to emerge.

5. Sign Language Can Connect People in a Conversation from a Distance
Wouldn’t it be helpful if you could communicate with a neighbor through your window? Or with your kids from across the playground? If more people, Deaf and hearing, used sign language this would be an option! When my kids got too far away from me at the playground and fell down, they would either sign or respond to me signing with things like ‘hurt’, or ‘ok’, or ‘help.’ Signing also allows for clear communication in a noisy subway or a quiet library, rows apart in a theatre, giving instructions in a swim lesson, and more.

So how do you get started? There are many online resources, but it’s important to make sure they are reliable. We recommend learning from Deaf teachers and from teachers who are credentialed in Deaf education or otherwise experienced in this area. At Baby Fingers we offer programs in person and online with Deaf and hearing teachers who are active in the Deaf community and can provide additional resources to families, children, and students of any age.

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Lora Heller is a music therapist, Deaf educator, and author of several sign language books for kids. She has also written for music therapy professional publications and national parenting magazines and is the on-line expert for various parenting programs including ParentsTV.com baby sign language video series. Lora founded Baby Fingers in 2000. www.mybabyfingers.com 

Girls can do anything: that’s the message of a new children’s book, Pinkie Promises, from Senator Elizabeth Warren who ran for president in 2020. It’s her first-ever picture book in her own words and it’s on sale this fall for kids who dream big everywhere.

Polly wants to make a difference, but she keeps hearing “that’s not what girls do.” She’s frustrated, but one day she goes to a rally to see a woman running for president. They meet in person and after a pinkie promise, Polly is inspired to embark on her own campaign for Class President. Win or lose, she’s been empowered to take matters into her own hands.

The book features art by award-winning illustrator Charlene Chua and is available to buy Oct. 12 in hardcover for $18.99. It’s targeted for girls in the four to eight-year-old range, but its message applies to all women. Warren would often introduce herself on the campaign trail to young supporters by saying, “My name is Elizabeth, and I’m running for President because that’s what girls do.”

Along with authoring books, Elizabeth Warren has served as the United State Senator of Massachusetts since 2013, the first woman senator for the state. She’s also a former law professor and she finished third in the 2020 Democratic presidential primaries.

—Sarah Shebek

 

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  1. You muted your microphone on a Zoom call but forgot to turn your camera off to yell at a child to get back on their kindergarten Google Meet. Your entire team is now terrified of making you mad.
  2. You made an unexpected appearance in said kindergarten Google Meet that you thought was muted but wasn’t. Now your child’s entire kindergarten class is also terrified of you.
  3. You pull on a sweater over your dirty t-shirt ten seconds before a meeting and pop in with a big smile and a bigger cup of coffee.
  4. People constantly tell you that you look tired. Mostly because you are tired. So tired. But you just smile and nod because responding would make more people scared of you.
  5. You have attended a meeting, paid attention, changed a diaper, unloaded the dishwasher, and fed the dog in the last three minutes.
  6. You have been hit in the head with a Nerf dart or some sort of ball during a video meeting.
  7. You don’t wear real pants anymore. Ever.
  8. You are stretched so thin that you think you might not be able to do this any longer.
  9. When you get the rare chance to go to the office, you cherish it. You can be alone and sit in silence and drink coffee and think without hearing crying or barking or the tv or a microwave or screaming YouTubers.
  10. You have had a meeting or important call while crouching in a closet or in the bathroom because it’s the only place your kids can’t find you.

This post originally appeared on HashtagMomFail.

 

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I am a full time working mom with two little boys, Henry and Simon. I write about real life and real life gets messy. Contributor for Motherly, HuffPost Parents, Scary Mommy, Today Parents, Love What Matters and Her View From Home. 

If you’re wondering whether you should bother with teaching your baby a second language, the answer is a resounding yes. Despite not being able to speak, babies still begin hearing, retaining and pruning sounds as early as the womb, which will ultimately form the foundation of language.

Just like reading to your kids, the benefits of being bilingual are plentiful. Studies have shown that bilingual children are given a leg up in life, achieving higher cognitive and academic skills and receiving higher scores in non-verbal problem solving, grammar and mental flexibility.

photo: Teddy Rawpixel via rawpixel

Scientists have found that academic success is best predicted by early language interactions, including the integration of a second language. So what does that mean exactly?

While teaching your child more than one language requires work, it’s worth it in the end. Begin speaking to your child while still in the womb, speaking all the languages spoken in your home. Once your bundle of joy has entered the world, continue speaking to them in English and your other tongue when it comes to singing, reading and everyday conversation. The gift of language is truly priceless.

––Karly Wood

 

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