White noise, lullabies and nature sounds all minimize outside noise and help lull your child to sleep. Some sound machines include nightlights or soothing light shows, while others add audio monitors and cry sensors to help your baby have the best rest ever. Here are the latest and greatest tools that promise to help your baby doze off and stay asleep.

Kulala Baby Sleep Lamp

Kulala

Designed by sleep scientist Dr. Sofia Axelrod, this beautiful lamp emits a red light that supports melatonin and works with your baby's circadian rhythm to create the perfect sleep environment. It's handcrafted from maple wood and baby-safe materials and makes a gorgeous addition to your nursery. Buy it on its own or get the Kulala Sleep System, which comes with the lamp, Axelrod's book How Babies Sleep and a 6-month subscription to the Kulala sleep-tracking app.

Available at kulalaland.com, $249 for the Baby Sleep Lamp and $289 for the Sleep System.

Great for Outings

Sound of Sleep

Throw this small sound machine, the LectroFan Alpha, in your diaper bag or attach it to a stroller or car seat and you're ready to go. Choose from seven sounds (including a heart beat, fan, pink noise, brown noise and ocean waves), and recharge it with the included USB cable. One charge lasts for up to 40 hours.

Available at soundofsleep.com, $24.95.

All-in-One Sleep Solution

Baby Dream Machine

This cute bear not only makes an adorable addition to your nursery, it could also be the key to getting your child to fall asleep and stay asleep. Its red light therapy helps the body produce melatonin, which encourages sleep, and the pink noise sound machine mixes high and low frequencies to improve sleep quality. The cool-mist humidifier, night light and aromatherapy also help create an optimal soothing environment. With your purchase, you also receive 30 days of free support from the company's sleep support team.

Available at thebabydreammachine.com, $99.

Circles of Soothing Light

GUND

The Sleepy Seas Sound & Lights Whale from GUND is a cute, cuddly creature with special powers: Press the music symbol for 20 minutes of soothing sounds, followed by an automatic shutoff. Pressing the spiral symbol lets you choose one of these soothing sounds: whale sounds, ocean, bubbles, white noise with waves, and Brahms' "Lullaby." Change the volume with a press of the tail. While the calming sounds soothe your baby for rest, circles of light will glow from this smily whale's cheeks.

Available at gund.com, $30.

Your Virtual Bedtime Assistant

Hatch

Familiar with the Hatch Rest+? This is the next generation. Rest+ has five key features to help your family get better sleep. It includes a two-way audio monitor; sound machine with white noise and lullabies; a nightlight with soft and bright light, as well as a rainbow of colors; time-to-rise features (when the clock changes color to let a toddler know it's okay to get out of bed); and a clock, so parents and older kids know what time it is. It works in tandem with an app on your mobile phone or tablet and is compatible with Alexa. It's also cord-free and portable, thanks to a rechargeable battery. 

Available at hatch.co, $89.99.

Activated by Baby's Cries

bbluv

The Kübe nightlight boasts 10 lullabies, five soothing sounds (birds, heartbeat, stream, forest and ocean), and three projection themes on the wall or ceiling: soothing sea, starry night and peaceful forest. Best of all, it's voice-activated, so if baby wakes up crying, the music and/or projection (your choice) will start automatically to lull them back to sleep. It comes with a timer feature and auto shutoff after 30 minutes and works with batteries or USB.

Available at bbluvgroup.com, $34.99.

Stars and Sweet Sounds

White noise, lullabies or a relaxing bird song will soothe your child to sleep at one of five volume settings. You can also turn on a light projection of colorful stars on the wall or ceiling to give baby something magical to focus on while drifting off to sleep. The Bubzi Co Soothing Sleep Owl can sit on a bookshelf or dresser or attaches to a stroller or the outside of the crib. Pop out the music box when it's time to clean the owl.

Available at bubzico.com, $30.95.

Lullabies and a Light Show

This sweet fox nightlight, the Infantino Go Gaga Musical Soother & Night Light Projector, plays soothing melodies or nature sounds for 20 minutes to help baby fall asleep and tune out other noises. You can also add a light show that displays slowly drifting colorful stars and clouds on the wall. Choose one or both, depending on what your child enjoys. For added comfort, the baby fox nightlight can be removed and placed in bed.

Available at target.com, $29.99.

A Soother and Much More

This sleek soother not only looks modern, it changes the baby sleep game. In addition to providing lights and comforting sounds designed to help babies fall asleep, Suzy Snooze doubles as an audio baby monitor when hooked up to its app. When babies wake up, its cry sensor will help put them back to sleep. It also grows with your child: When they're older, it'll function as a nightlight and provide a clear signal for when it's time for your toddler to get out of bed.

Available at bleepbleeps.com, $133.

The Classic

What the Dohm lacks in bells, whistles and cuddly touches, it makes up for in effectiveness. This white-noise sound machine has been helping babies (and adults!) rest since 1962. It offers two speeds and a dial to adjust tones and volume. And the white noise is natural, meaning the whooshing noise comes from a fan, not an audio loop, so some folks find it more soothing. 

Available at marpac.com, $44.95.

Great for On-the-Go

First of all, it's adorable. Secondly, we love that it's rechargeable and easy to stash in a diaper bag or suitcase to help baby sleep anywhere, anytime. But what makes WavHello's SoundBub a winner is that thanks to an app and Bluetooth, you can play your (or your baby's) favorite tunes, not just the typical Brahm's lullaby. This is key for those babies who best snooze to Taylor Swift or the Star Wars theme song. This sweet owl also has six white noise options, including shushing and pure white noise, and has a battery that lasts through the night if needed.

Available at amazon.com, $34.99.

More Sleep Soothers to Consider

Lulla Doll by Roro

A social media sensation when it launched, the Lulla Doll by Roro (above) can work miracles on baby sleep issues. The soft, huggable doll plays a real-life recording of a mom's heartbeat and breathing for up to 8 hours. Place it on the outside or inside of your baby's crib, depending on their age, and you may be wowed by its ability to calm and soothe. Keep the doll close to your body before giving it to your child so it picks up your motherly scent, which can offer baby added comfort. 

Available at lulladoll.com, $59.

Music & Lights Elephant by Fisher-Price

Some sleep soothers eat up batteries like nobody's business. If you're not looking to buy stock in AA's, consider the Fisher-Price Music & Lights Elephant, which plugs into your wall. It comes loaded with a whopping 20 songs and lullabies to choose from, along with white noise and ocean, rain and other nature sounds. Since you don't have to worry about draining the battery, you can leave this one running all night long, or choose an auto-shutoff after 20 or 120 minutes. 

Available at bedbathandbeyond.com, $19.99.

Twilight Turtle by Cloud b

This has been a sleep-soothing favorite for years. The plush turtle features a hard shell with eight constellations that project on the ceiling in three colors. Now, there's an app for this classic that allows you to program a customized mix of melodies to play from the turtle. It all works thanks to Bluetooth and can provide soothing sounds to your baby for up to 24 hours.

Available at amazon.com, $29.99.

Soft Heartbeat Toy by Zazu Kids

Attach this soft pup to your baby's crib and let it works its magic. The Zazu Kids Soft Heartbeat Toy plays six different soothing noises, including music, heartbeat and white noise, and it shuts off after 10 minutes. The cool thing is that it automatically starts again when it senses movement or the sound of your baby waking up.

Available at amazon.com, $34.99.

Shhh... Portable Sound Machine by Munchkin

If your baby is a big fan of shushing noises (and what baby isn't?), then this portable noisemaker is for you. Munchkin's Shhh... Portable Sound Machine only plays three sounds (the ever-popular shushing, white noise and a heartbeat), but it may be all you need. It also provides a soft nightlight glow that can pulse with the sound if you choose. At just over 4 inches tall, it's easy to take on the go.

Available at munchkin.com, $18.

Nighty Night Owl on the Go by Cloud b

If your baby will be snoozing in the stroller or car seat often, try Cloud b's Nighty Night Owl on the Go. It's small enough to stow in your diaper bag and clips onto gear with Velcro. It has four soothing natural sounds (gentle stream, ocean waves, spring showers and whale songs) and can be set for 23 or 45 minutes.

Available at cloudbusa.com, $35.99.

Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar by SCS Direct Store

This Very Hungry Caterpillar-themed gadget fits in the palm of your hand and is handy for taking on vacation or even a nap at Grandpa's house. Not only does it play two lullabies and a rain sound, it'll project a starry light show on the ceiling in blue, green and orange. The sound and lights keep going for 40 minutes.

Available at amazon.com, $16.99.

Julie Seguss & Eva Ingvarson Cerise

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Whelp we’ve made it to Christmas. It’s the time of year where one’s heart should grow three sizes and goodwill should be sprinkled like the curse words you use while trying to find the last-minute gift that your child decided was the gift of the year that you did not buy.

This is also the time of year where grief hits me hard. We recently sat down with our eager three-year-old and asked her what she hopes Santa will bring her. It was a complete fail as her belief in St. Nick is so pure this year her response was: “He knows what I want.” I want to be like, he really doesn’t so if you can help us so we don’t have the repeat of last year—where she asked numerous times who got her this? And then her famous, “Well I don’t like it.”

She keeps us on our toes so we have a backup fund labeled “Vivi” if she decides to give us a list.

But then there is my sweet seven-year-old boy Whit. He doesn’t communicate in the conventional way. I always think of the song from Bandaid “Does he know it’s Christmas time at all?!”

This year, for the first time ever, he marveled at the tree. We’ve tried to set up pictures in hopes of getting some kind of idea of what he wants for Christmas. I’m usually not an organized Christmas shopper. My husband and I have been known to run to Target on Christmas Eve for a last-minute Christmas gift or ten.

I think Whit’s not caring has given me this, “What’s the point attitude.” As I load a virtual cart with things, I think, “Will this be the year?! Will this be the time he acknowledges a gift and plays with it properly?!” Usually, it’s a no and there is always a twinge of disappointment. We have a closet full of gifts we thought would work but have backfired horribly.

Why do we keep them you may be asking? Because as a mom I have this mindset that there is always next year. There’s always next year to try Santa again. There’s always next year to get a Christmas list from Whit. There’s always next year. Then my mind wanders to what if there isn’t ever a year where he cares? What if all the Christmas buying, and therapy to help Whit process any celebration is all done in vain because I’m the mom who can’t let go and accept our reality? I get that way when people ask us for a Christmas list for Whit. He’s possibly into LEGOs, he seems to like to watch us attempt to put them together.

This is the first year that our 3-year-old is 100% sold on Christmas and I’m living up every moment of it but at the same time hoping and praying that maybe this will be the year that Whitman will open a gift, be excited, acknowledge us and play with it. I know that’s a huge hope—I’d take any of that sequence in a heartbeat. We are building our three-year-old a Target and Starbucks for our playroom. While ordering all the supplies and in my excitement, my husband stopped me and said: “I don’t want to ruin this for you but what about Whit?!” I tried to convince him that Whit has been showing interest in pretend play with his sister so fingers crossed. I added a few extra gifts for Whit to keep it even in hopes that maybe this will the year.

So here’s to the mom’s and dad’s who are feeling this too. May this be the year our kids surprise us in the best way, especially in a time where we are told to be happy but we grieve the loss of childhood traditions. May we find new holiday traditions that work for us. It’s not about the presents, I know, but sometimes it feels like it is. It’s about the love we have for each other and a reminder of how far we come in the last year even in the midst of a global pandemic. May this be the year of letting go, seeing the good, and having a little bit of hope.

This post originally appeared on The Althaus Life
Photo: The Althaus Life

 

Lindsey is a mom, wife, and blogger at The Althaus Life. She lives in Ohio with her husband and 2 children. Lindsey is grateful all things and to be able to chronicle her beautifully broken laugh til you cry cry until you laugh life.

When I sat down to write our story, I didn’t know quite where to begin. The feelings and emotions are still very raw. 

In July of 2016, my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful, healthy, and incredible baby boy. As our son grew, we knew this was a life that we had been blessed to have. We couldn’t imagine our life without our son. When our son turned two years old, we wanted nothing more than to add to our family and give our son the sibling he deserved to have.

This journey to another baby was not like our first. After two years of trying on our own, we decided to seek the advice and the help of a fertility doctor. We fell in love with our fertility doctor from the moment we met with her, and we knew we would be in good hands. We decided to start with a less invasive approach and tried Intrauterine insemination (IUI). Well, after two failed IUI attempts, we were left with that same feeling of being discouraged that we knew all too well. What was next for us?

Well, COVID-19 hit, and that was when our fertility journey was put on hold for a little bit. It wasn’t until the summertime that we decided to go through In vitro fertilization (IVF) after speaking with our fertility doctor. I was scared and upset that we needed to get to this point to conceive a baby. This reaffirmed to me more than ever that our son was a miracle. With all of that, I put on my big girl pants and didn’t look back. My poor husband was injecting me with shots every night while my son stood by and held my hand. He didn’t know what was happening but wanted to be supportive and with his mommy. It was in November that I had my first embryo retrieval. When I was leaving the surgical center, the doctor was hopeful and told me that she was able to get seven follicles. I was elated! Seven follicles meant that there could be seven embryos. Which would mean we had seven chances at having a baby.

That evening, the nurse called to let me know that only 1 of those follicles had made it. I couldn’t help but cry. All of those nights of injections for one follicle just made me start to lose hope. The nurse informed me that the doctor would be in touch in a few weeks to ensure that this embryo had passed all genetic testing.

I was so anxious waiting for that phone call. Then one afternoon in November, that call finally came. Our fertility doctor called to let me know that we had one embryo, and it passed all the genetic testing. She asked me if I wanted to know the gender of the embryo, and of course, I couldn’t wait. It was a girl! I immediately hung up and called my husband to tell him the news. We were set for our embryo transfer on December 23rd. This was the Christmas miracle I had dreamed about. I went for early morning monitoring on January 1, 2021, and it was that morning, I found out that I was pregnant. My husband and I were beyond excited and couldn’t believe that we would be parents to our beautiful son and now a baby girl. We talked about all of the fun experiences we would have as parents to both a boy and a girl. We felt like our dream was coming true…until it wasn’t.

At the next appointment, my husband had to wait in the waiting room due to the COVID-19 protocols. I asked if they could use the doppler to hear the heartbeat. She obliged, but when she struggled to hear the heartbeat, she ushered me into the ultrasound room. Naively I thought, at least I will get to go home with some pictures of our baby girl to share with our family and friends. At this point, I was 15 weeks and four days. As I looked up on the screen during the ultrasound, I realized something wasn’t right. The ultrasound technician told me she was going to get the doctor. 

In that instant, I texted my husband that something was wrong. The doctor came in to tell me that they couldn’t find the heartbeat. I insisted they needed to do an internal exam to get a better view. How could that be? The doctor assured me that it wasn’t necessary and that the baby was measuring two weeks smaller than predicted. At that moment, I, too, felt lifeless. The doctor brought my husband back to me, where we both just sobbed. We had worked so hard to get to this point and now our dreams of our little family of four were shattered. Our two-hour drive home felt like 10 hours. I just cried as my husband held my hand and assured me that everything would be alright. We drove right to my parents’ house to pick up our son, who immediately knew something wasn’t right. We explained to him that there wasn’t a baby in mommy’s belly anymore. He immediately hugged me and told me, “It’s alright, mommy, the baby is in heaven now. She will be our angel to protect us!” What a smart little boy. 

Somehow the wise words of a 5-year-old and his bear-hugging hug were all I needed to help comfort me through our loss. I don’t know what is next for our family, if we try again or if we continue to be blessed with our beautiful family of three. This loss has made me even more grateful for my husband, my son, and our family and friends who have been there for us. I am now part of 1 in every 4 women who suffer from a miscarriage. We are strong. We are brave. We survived the unimaginable.

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Melissa Christopher
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

My name is Melissa. I am a mom to an incredible 5 year old boy. My husband, my son, and I live in the same town that I grew up in. In those 5 years of being a mom, I have learned a lot about myself and can't wait to share it with you. 

The day my daughter died was the darkest day of my life. There is nothing that can prepare you for waddling into an ultrasound, eight months pregnant, and having a doctor look into your terrified eyes as he says, “I’m sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.”

As the ground fell out from underneath me, a fog filled my brain that wouldn’t leave for months. Big, heavy tears clouded my vision as I survived the next 36 hours—long hours as I waited for my husband to fly home, as I labored through the birth I had dreamed of my whole life (this was nothing like I had dreamed of), as I held my beautiful, perfect, 6 lb 9 oz daughter Layla. Every time I blinked, dreams rolled down my face, soaking my shirt like the milk that would come in days later, my body unaware that there was no baby to feed.

As I was wheeled out of the hospital in the darkness of night, clutching a pillow, I felt certain I would never, ever feel the sunshine on my face again. How could I? The last package I received in the mail was art for my daughter’s nursery, You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine. My bones felt as cold as my belly did empty. My husband tucked me into bed where I’d stay for a week that followed, unable to speak a word to anyone.

But we lived in Southern California—even in November, you can only hide from the sun for so long. After a week, we took our first walk. I pulled my hooded sweatshirt over my head, blocking the world from my peripheral vision, as I focused on the two-block walk to the beach. We walked straight to the shoreline and set three paper cranes that we had folded at her baby shower out to sea. Wishes from loved ones, never to be read. The sun burned like lightning on the back of my sweatshirt as I retreated for safety.

It was in the months that followed that I learned of the term rainbow baby—a name given to a baby born shortly after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or death in infancy. This term is used because a rainbow typically follows a storm, giving us hope for what’s to come.

My baby was not a storm. But the days and weeks and months that followed losing her were. And like a storm, my grief swirled and changed every day, starting as a constant downpour and eventually slowing to a drizzle. Until, one day, a small stream of light.

Pregnancy after loss is terrifying. It is living face to face with your worst fear and knowing that there is nothing you can do to change the outcome. You survive every day by focusing on that small stream of light, even as the clouds try and overwhelm you, threatening rain just around the corner.

photo of woman after birth in hospital bed

Photo: Laura Malcolm

And then one day, one year and six days after the rain started, the clouds parted and let the sun beamed in. I held my newborn son and felt the warmth my body had missed. I squinted into the sun as I was wheeled out of the same hospital doors, in the brightness of day, and the world had never looked so colorful. So full of hope.

My rainbow baby.

I now have two little boys who fill my life with more color (and noise) than I could have ever imagined. We talk about their sister and celebrate her life and yes, throw rainbow-themed birthday parties because they brought the sun to shine right along with the rain—and without both of those, there wouldn’t be rainbows.

This post was written by Laura Malcolm and originally appeared on Give InKind.

Give InKind is an intelligent social support platform that helps friends and family coordinate tangible, financial, and emotional support for those who need it. Our custom Care Calendar + Wishlist + Fundraising in one free tool is making support simple. From new babies to cancer support, Give InKind.

Miscarriage is quite common, yet regardless of that simple truth, it remains a challenging and emotionally complex experience for women to navigate. It is often something women deal with privately with their partner, but fortunately some women in the public spotlight have begun to share their experiences more openly.

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, recently opened up about her miscarriage last summer, paving the way for women everywhere to connect and feel less alone. She and Prince Harry also announced that they are expecting another child (a baby girl)—a great reminder that pregnancy is very possible after miscarriage.

Whether you are dealing with loss due to a miscarriage yourself, acting as a support person to someone who has experienced this loss, or simply wanting to educate yourself about this all-too-common occurrence, here is a Q&A to help you through this process.

Miscarriage: 7 Questions and Answers

1. What is a miscarriage? Miscarriage is defined as a pregnancy loss prior to 20 weeks. If the pregnancy lasts beyond 20 weeks but is unsuccessful, it is termed stillbirth.

2. Am I to blame for my baby’s death? Miscarriage is traumatic for all pregnant women and their partners. If you have had, are having, or will have a miscarriage, remember this: Miscarriage is NOT your fault.

Inherent in miscarriage is the experience of death, and often feelings of failure as well. This death is very real, and it is normal for women and partners to experience the five stages of grieving and guilt (described in Elizabeth Keebler Ross’s landmark research in “On Death and Dying”):

  • Denial (It didn’t happen.)
  • Anger (Why is this happening to me?)
  • Bargaining (Oh, please God, I’ll do anything to have a successful pregnancy.)
  • Depression (I must have done something wrong.)
  • Acceptance (I have to get on with life one way or another.)

Allowing yourself and your partner to go through this grieving process is the most important part of a miscarriage.

3. How soon can I get pregnant again after a miscarriage? I always suggest waiting for at least one regular period before getting pregnant again. It can then be determined with more accuracy when you are due. In addition, having a normal period signals your body is done with the miscarriage process.

4. Who is likely to miscarry? Anyone can miscarry. The most often quoted numbers say 10-to-20 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. When the miscarriage rate includes those fetuses lost before the missing of a period, the high-end rate increases up to 40 percent.

5. How do I tell a period from a miscarriage? There is cramping with miscarriage, often like a period, but sometimes more severe. Most of the time, bleeding will be heavier than a period, but seldom requiring a blood transfusion. 

6. What if my doctor can’t hear a heartbeat? With a Doppler, I can hear a heartbeat at about 11 or 12 weeks. It is easier to see the heartbeat with an ultrasound at seven to eight weeks. If I can’t see the heartbeat at seven or eight weeks, out of reverence and concern for the fetus, I recheck in one week. If I can’t hear a heartbeat, most women prefer to wait for a spontaneous miscarriage which usually follows after one or two weeks. If one or two weeks go by without a miscarriage, I recommended misoprostol (Cytotec) by mouth.

While it is possible to use misoprostol without waiting the two weeks for a spontaneous miscarriage, it would not be my first choice because aggressive treatment can interfere with the grieving process. I prefer to allow a wide margin around guilt, blame, and shame.

7. What happens when someone has repeated miscarriages? Miscarriage, before there is a beating heart, is common, and is usually a chromosomal mutation. These are not preventable. However, once the heart is beating, several conditions can lead to a miscarriage. Many of these repeated miscarriages are preventable. If you have had more than two miscarriages, it’s time to look at the list of treatable conditions that are known to contribute to miscarriage in some women (i.e., Strep B or methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase—MTFHR).

The keys here are remembering that you are not alone in experiencing miscarriage, and that is normal and healthy to grieve your loss. In cases where repeated miscarriage occurs, your doctor may be able to help you isolate the condition that is causing it so you can go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

Dr. Alan Lindemann
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

An obstetrician and maternal mortality expert, “Rural Doc” Alan Lindemann, M.D. teaches women and families how to create the outcomes they want for their own health and pregnancy. In nearly 40 years of practice, he has delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Visit LindemannMD.com

Photo: Ali Flynn

I wonder if this mama knew how much these little girls loved her.

I wonder if she realized how much comfort they felt nuzzling into her arms and feeling her heartbeat.

I wonder if she ever knew how much they loved their daily dance parties.

I wonder if she knew, how each time she entered the room, they filled up with joy and peace washed over them.

Looking back now, there is so much I didn’t know.

There is so much I missed out on, thinking I wasn’t a good enough mama.

There is so much I second-guessed about my decisions and how I was parenting.

But one thing I did know, the love I had for them was magical.

I loved these girls fiercely.

I loved them with an intensity that even scared me sometimes.

I loved them with my full heart-piercing my soul.

And you know what, my friends, the love for these girls is still just as intense.

They may be teenagers now but some things will forever remain the same.

The bond and the love between a mother and a child rise above all else.

So as I lay in bed, attempting to fall asleep, I recall my daughter’s sweet words reassuring me of all I have done right in this world. A simple moment, a simple phrase, locked in my brain and one she probably wouldn’t think twice about.

A simple remark, “They don’t talk for hours like us, Mom.”

And with that one sentence, all of my worries and anxieties began to fall away and room was made for glorious dreams to swirl around in my head, rather than the nagging thoughts of all I need to improve upon.

So mamas, if we just listen to what our kiddos are saying each day, we are bound to find the little reassurances that our presence means the world to our children.

It may be simple.

It may be one sentence.

But let it fill you up and value their words, for their words are truth.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

Dear Momma,

I see you, driving down the road with tears in your eyes. I see the deer caught in headlights look as your hands firmly grip the wheel. You sob, uncontrollably, afraid to utter the words that well within your body. I know you utter how much your child is loved, how you wouldn’t change them for the world, that you will get through it together but I know you’d give your life in a heartbeat to have it so your child didn’t struggle with aggression.

I know the type of day you had. The one where you listened carefully as little feet hit the ground and you cautiously walked on eggshells trying to figure out just what kind of day you may have. You tried to find the perfect clothes, that didn’t tug or pull on your little one’s body. You gently brushed their hair avoiding any snarls for fear that one misstep would send you into a place no parent ever imagines you could be. I know you spent the day offering tokens for positive behaviors and lavishing your child with the love they need to know they are so precious, so wanted, so exceptional that they haven’t been put here just to change your world but to help you change the world for them and others who will walk in the same shoes.

I know it’s late in the day. You’ve iced the bruises and yet your heart is broken. You carefully cradle your child and secure them in their seat to drive. A drive might fix it, or at least keep your child safe and allow you to release the pain that has built up inside, all day. As you head into the darkness I know you wonder if anyone gets it. I know you have been told you are “too much” by friends because well, maybe you are. Maybe the pain and suffering you live with are too much for others to bear, but not me. I am here Momma, I am here for you.

I’m driving too, my child is buckled in. I look in the rearview mirror, and I see you. I see your eyes, darkened with sadness, your cheeks, tear-stained from not just the physical pain but the emotional pain. I know your fear. I live it too.

Aggressive autism isn’t talked about a lot. Most parents fear coming out, afraid to be honest with others or even themselves. They fear saying it out loud because then, it’s true. They fear judgment. They don’t believe they will ever be understood and so, they live in hiding, covering up their bruises with make-up, wearing long sleeves, and perhaps going so far as to get tattoos to hide the scars, at least the physical ones that others can see.

Momma, I want you to know, I see you. I am here. I am you. Except, I am tired. Tired of doing this alone. Tired of hiding. Tired of being ashamed because ashamed I am not. My daughter is more than her aggressive autism and when the autism aggression takes hold of her, she, the child I birthed is gone. She is morphed into a being that she cannot control.

As I rock her, try to gain control of one arm or another to keep her from hurting herself or someone else, I whisper, I am here. We will do this. Together. You are special and I will work through this by your side. She flails and screams unable to control herself, in that moment I find myself in what feels like an out of body experience, turning my mind away from the searing pain of the bites, pinches, and hair-pulling because I know this is not my daughter. And sometimes, sometimes as quickly as it started, that autism aggression escapes her body and she is left limp.

I cradle her in my arms. Rocking. Rocking her. Reminding her I am with her. She is mine and she is so loved.

Momma, come out. You are not alone. You need love. Your child needs to be celebrated, to be shared, to be lavished with the same gifts of other children who don’t live with aggression because of her aggression, she can’t control and Momma, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You show up. Daily. You walk beside your child. You show them love and you, my friend, are their greatest advocate and there is no reason to hide any of that.

 

This post originally appeared on www.messyblessymomma.com.

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

Traveling is such an adventure and even more so when you travel with kids. Showing them the world exposes them to new experiences and instills values of curiosity and exploration. If you’re already one of the millions of Americans traveling as a family, then you also understand how stressful it can be to go on vacation with babies. Totts founder and mom, Alejandra Tejada doesn’t think it needs to be that way though. Here are her tips on how to make traveling with kids feel less like work and more like a vacation. 

Location, Location, Location: When you’re considering your first trip with your child you may think beach vacations are the only ones that work— don’t limit yourself! Look for locations that have the mix of activities you want (e.g., site seeing, beach, restaurants) that are all central to where you’re staying.  Cartagena worked for us because we wanted a mix of culture, picture-perfect sites, a pool, and delicious food (with plenty of ice cream breaks). We had access to all of this within a quarter-mile walking radius. It’s worth splurging to get the location you need especially if you are traveling with a little one. My son was 3 months old and feeding every 1.5 hours at the time, so it was key to be able to go back to the hotel when I needed to take care of him but still feel like I wasn’t a slave to the room or hotel.

Hotel vs Airbnb: You’ll hear a lot of parents going only the Airbnb route, but for us it depends. For our first trip we chose a hotel that had a living room and kitchenette. We enjoyed the comfort of a buffet breakfast every morning, cleaning service and concierge help while also having a place to set up a changing station, heat bottles and wash equipment. There are a lot of benefits to both and if you can find something in between that works for you the better, especially for your first vacation. We now know what works for us in each travel situation, which is generally a mix of both. After all, it’s a vacation!

Prepare for a Very Bad First Day: This was a lesson learned for us. And if it’s not a bad day, you have luck on your side! We found that the first day adjusting from any trip is difficult. Whether it’s the time change, sleeping arrangements or just getting used to a new location it’s important not to expect too much from the first day. Don’t set an itinerary, go with the flow and try to enjoy your first day adjusting together. Starting a trip with these expectations helps set the tone for the fact that your first trip with your baby is not like what you’re used to. You have to operate in baby steps (excuse the pun), and when they are that cute, it makes up for not operating at regular speed.

Don’t Be Afraid to Overpack: I’m not a fan of over-packing, and that’s why I started Totts. However, I will say this: Being prepared for the unexpected helped me ease my initial fears of traveling with my baby. You really don’t know what to expect that first time so if you need to pay for extra luggage, bring more supplies or back-ups (I even brought a back-up pump in case my failed), then do it. While this may discourage you from taking the trip in the first place, don’t let it! If I needed to bring my whole home on this vacation, I would have done so in a heartbeat to have the memories that I now have of this first trip. When I’m feeling blue or realizing how fast my baby has grown, I find comfort in the memories we made when he was 3 months old in Cartagena. And a small baby that sits calmly on top of your legs while you sip a cold drink isn’t bad either! 

The good news is that the earlier you start traveling with your baby, they will learn travel skills right along with you and vacations will once again be something the whole family will look forward to taking. 

Alejandra Tejada is the founder and CEO of Enlingos and Totts.  After spending four years in product innovation and digital consumer research, she left a startup incubator at a Fortune 100 company to pursue her passion for sharing travel, culture and learning with children by creating products serving young parents.

 

Congrats are in order for Frankie Muniz and Paige Price. On Saturday the couple revealed they are expecting their first child. The sweet video announcement can be seen on their joint YouTube channel

In a video titled “Frankie & Paige are having a baby!” the soon-to-be-parents are seen dancing in a field and sharing clips from their trip through Jackson, Wyoming. In a sweet voiceover, Frankie shared their happy news.

“In the past four-and-a-half years, Paige and I have experienced so many incredible things together,” Frankie began. “We’ve traveled the world, got to live out all these once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. While we still believe it’s the little moments in between the big ones that make you feel happiest, nothing quite compares to the first time hearing your little one’s heartbeat.”

Price also posted an announcement on her Instagram page. Looks like Baby Muniz will be arriving in March 2021.

 

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We having a baby up in herrr! This video has taken me half the day to upload from Yellowstone National Park.

A post shared by Paige Muniz (@pogmuniz) on

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: FeatureFlash Photo Agency via Shutterstock

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Congratulations–you’re expecting! And one thing every pregnant woman expects? A whole lot of doctors appointments. But heading to the doctor—during current times, or any time—isn’t always a picnic. Which is why UW Medicine provides virtual visits to meet your prenatal care and wellness needs without having to set foot in a doctor’s office. Read on to learn all about it. 

UW Medicine’s TeleOB program was created to reduce the number of in-clinic appointments required to monitor the health and development of your baby. Before your first video-based appointment, your UW Medicine doctor will give you equipment and teach you how to take your own blood pressure and find your baby’s heartbeat using a doppler. All UW Medicine OB/GYNs can provide TeleOB appointments, so rest assured you can still count on your go-to MD throughout your pregnancy journey!

By using your computer, tablet or smartphone and monitoring equipment, you can easily access expert maternity care when you need it and between in-person office visits. You can also expect the same privacy and personal attention with UW Medicine’s secure video conferencing. UW Medicine OB/GYNs help you manage your pregnancy with much less time stressing in the waiting room. Virtual hugs to UW Medical for this one!

As an expecting mom, you’ve got enough on your plate. Now, you don’t have to worry about your safety or all the scheduling switcharoos that come with the abundance of OB/GYN prenatal appointments. Learn more about the UW Medicine TeleOB program.

—Jamie Aderski

All photos courtesy UW Medicine