10 Things to Consider before Sharing Kid Pics on Social Media

by Janine ClementsOctober 10, 2023

Sharenting may have long-term effects on kids long after the pictures are posted

In 2023, most children have a digital footprint before they are even born. While sharing images online can be a way to show your child’s milestones with distant relatives and friends, especially in light of the pandemic and travel plans being halted, there’s a difference between sharing and oversharing. The “Sharenting” (parents oversharing on social media) trend is still on the rise but many parents are starting to reconsider where and how often they share images of their kids online.

So, what should you think about before posting pics of your kiddos on social media? Experts have weighed in on everything from personal privacy to online safety; keep reading to find out what they had to say.

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Think Twice Before Posting Embarrassing Photos

While you might think your toddler having a tantrum or your tween misbehaving is so hilarious that you have to share it on social media, putting anything online leaves a permanent trail that will follow your kids for the rest of their lives. "Not only is this kind of oversharing disrespectful to your child, but you should also consider how these types of images or videos will be perceived by others, and the impact it could have on your kid when he/she is older," says parenting expert and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Laura Markham. If it's on the internet, as well as the possibility of humiliating them later in life, there's a chance it could be seen by school bullies, college admissions officers, and future employers. Next time, ask yourself how you would feel if it was you in the photo instead.

Consider the Message You Are Giving Your Kids

As parents, we are constantly telling our kids about the risks of using social media and teaching them about online safety. But, we then ignore our own advice when posting photos of them. "It's our job to teach and model online literacy and safety," says Dr. Markham. "When children grow up routinely seeing photos of themselves online, they think it's the norm. We're inadvertently teaching them that they have no privacy and no control over their online image."

Be Mindful of Giving Away Personal Information

According to a UK study by Parent Zone and Nominet, the average parents share almost 1,500 photos of their kids online before their 5th birthday. Many parents announce the birth of their babies all over social media, while some go one step further and hashtag their kids' names or even set up Instagram accounts for their little darlings before they can even talk. While it's kinda cute, all someone needs is a name, date of birth, and address, which they can get using a geotagged photo, and this can put youngsters at risk of identity theft and digital kidnapping: when someone uses photos and details of someone else's kids and pretends they are their own. According to a national internet safety expert, Katie Greer, if your kids are searchable, anyone can find out anything about them. "To maximize the online safety of your child, limit the information you share about them," she says.

Avoid Posting Photos of Your Kids in the Nude

That photo of your little angels in the bath, running around the yard in the nude, or even in their underwear might be adorable to you, but once you post it, you no longer have control over it, and anyone can do what they want with it. "There is a chance this kind of photo could end up in unintended hands. Even using seemingly harmless hashtags like #pottytraining or #bathtime can also attract the attention of the wrong people," says Katie Greer. "Your kids' online safety is paramount, so to keep things simple, keep their clothes on."

when it comes to "sharenting" be careful not to share your location — iStock

Be Wary of Revealing Locations and Routines

It's surprisingly easy to track people using the information you can get from photos posted online. To protect your kids from potentially being discovered by child predators, Justin Lavelle, a leading expert on online safety and scam prevention and Chief Communications Officer with beenverified.com recommends turning off geotagging and location services and never posting details about where you live, including your address. "Avoid tagging the locations of places you and/or your children may be at frequently and crop out backgrounds with recognizable landmarks. First day of school? Take a picture at home with them in their new backpack, not in front of the school building with the name clearly visible," he says. "Do not advertise their routines and wait a few days before posting photos of birthday trips or visits to the park."

Get Permission to Post

While some might argue that parents have every right to post family photos, kids don't ask for such public childhoods. While babies and toddlers generally have no say in what mom or dad posts, tweens, teens, and even younger kids often feel their parents share too much about them online without their consent. Take Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter, Apple, who, after seeing that her mother had posted a selfie of the two of them without her permission, reportedly called her out in the comments. "While you might think it's your right to post what you want on social media when you ask kids, many don't want photos of them to be put online," says Dr. Laura Markham. "Our children have a right to decide what is posted about them and deserve not to have their privacy violated by us. It's important to get their approval first."

mom of newborn should know the danger of sharenting — iStock

Beware of the Backlash

When you're posting photos of your kids online, especially in the public domain for all to see, it's important to consider what the people who see the photos might think. They might not like it for all sorts of reasons and will be happy to tell you exactly how they feel. This can be very hurtful. There are many instances where people have been attacked for oversharing on social media. In 2019, Pink appeared on The Ellen Show and explained why she had stopped sharing photos of her kids after getting comments attacking her for posting a photo of one of her kids without a diaper.

Pay Attention to Your Privacy Settings

If you're going to post photos on social media, then check your privacy settings regularly. According to the Child Rescue Coalition, 89 percent of parents haven't checked their privacy settings in over a year. Facebook, Instagram, and other social media apps all have different settings. Without realizing it, you may be sharing your photos with the general public, aka strangers. Also bear in mind that the friends and family you share your photos with may have different privacy settings, which means they could potentially share your photos too. "Public posting means anyone, anywhere can see it," says Lavelle. "Keep your posts private, set your profiles to private, and make sure your posts are only visible to a custom audience of friends and family."

Consider the Bigger Picture

No one knows what happens with all the photos once they have been posted on social media. Take Facebook (which also owns Instagram and Whatsapp), which has been all over the news recently due to data breaches and their handling of personal information. Do you want these big corporations to have access to all sorts of data on your kids that you inadvertently supply? "While it's wonderful that technology allows us to be connected with family and friends around the world using social media and other photo-sharing apps, there is so much we don’t know," says Lavelle. "It comes down to common sense, smart-decision making, and being careful what you post."

Be Present in the Moment

When your child is performing in a show or playing in a match, of course, you want to capture every proud moment on camera so you can share it with family, friends (and maybe the whole world.) We've all done it. But your kids see you with your phone in front of your face instead of watching them, and you won't be able to focus on what they're doing. Next time, put your phone away, watch, and be proud. Your kiddos will love that they have your undivided attention, and you will be able to enjoy the experience much more.

Consider Private Social Networks

As mainstream platforms like Facebook and Instagram come under fire, private social apps like the one we offer through TinyBeans are gaining ground for their privacy and security features. Our app offers parents a private space to share photos, milestones, and other moments with their children among family and friends in a private social network.

How to Honor the Real Story of Thanksgiving with Kids

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

October 7, 2023

In the midst of preparing for a family feast each year, we’ve also wrestled with how to talk to our kids about Thanksgiving. We want our children to learn from and do their part in changing the inequality in their world, and perpetuating the Thanksgiving story we were taught in elementary school runs squarely at odds with that mission.

But, it can be hard to know how and when to start having the true story of Thanksgiving conversation with kids. So first, remember that we don’t need to nail this by the time the turkey hits the table. This is ongoing and important work to do all year round. Following are a few ideas and resources that are helping our family to lay a foundation that, we hope, will help our kids respect and respond to real history in a way that supports a better future.

Build a Foundation for Knowing & Respecting Native Peoples

Start by teaching children real stories and truths about Native and Indigenous peoples, both from the past and the present. The more our children can be curious and aware of people for their strengths and rich history, the more they will push back on stereotypes and absorb the real history in a way that makes them compelled to act.

Here are a few easy ways to do this, even with very young children:

Learn about the people who live or used to live on the land in your area. Use an app like native-land.ca to find out which people live/lived and which languages are/were spoken on the land on which you live. Search for “native people from {city, state or region}” or “indigenous people from {city, state or region}. Then, look for historically accurate accounts of how those people thrived, being aware of the limitations of the perspective of whoever has created them.
Read books that help children come to know about Native peoples and prepare them to push back against stereotypes. For starters, check out this list of 15 beautiful picture books by Native authors about Native protagonists assembled by veteran Tinkergarten Leaders Erika McLemore, who is Creek-Seminole, and Cholena Smith-Boyd of the Shinnecock Indian Nation. As you select more books on your own, consult a reputable resource like Dr. Debbie Reese, a researcher focused on the representation of Native Americans in children’s literature. Through her expert advice, my family has learned how to pick books that are about specific tribes or Native peoples, avoiding the kind of generalizations that lead to stereotypes.
Incorporate Native history into everyday outdoor play. As you are walking in a forest or along a river in your area, share something you’ve learned about the Native people who live/lived and what makes/made them special as a group or society.
Continue learning. Read more from Indigenous Vision about how to build inclusive communities and support Indigenous youth.

Question History Together

When you feel your kids are ready, work with them to question and point out the mismatches between the accurate history and the often perpetuated Thanksgiving Story. To start:

Get to know the true story of Thanksgiving story yourself. PBS Kids offers wonderful resources for parents and educators on how to approach Thanksgiving with authenticity. These resources also help us parents better understand, for ourselves, the story of the people we call Pilgrims, their interaction with the Wampanoag people, and the full history of the holiday we’ve come to know as Thanksgiving.
Don’t be afraid to share with children that there is more to the story. It’s important to help them understand that the familiar story that has been shared for a long time is over-simplified and, as such, can even be hurtful to whole groups of people as well as the allies of those people. One way you can present the disparity to kids is, that although there was a feast between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag, it happened during a time of terrible cruelty and unthinkable loss to the Wampanoag.
Seek out additional tools for learning. This New York Times article has helped us use both age-appropriate resources and inquiry to start engaging our kids in conversation about Thanksgiving. For example, it has encouraged us to help our kids ask “Who is telling the story, and what is their perspective? How is this story different from other accounts and facts that we now know?”

Focus on Gratitude

While it’s essential that we help our children become more attuned to inequality and injustice, telling the true story of Thanksgiving doesn’t have to undermine our practice of sharing gratitude. You can even kickstart an annual gratitude tradition that’s respectful of Native history. Once you learn about the original caretakers of the land you live on, it becomes easy to express thanks for all they’ve done to preserve its natural beauty as part of Thanksgiving.

Be sure to help kids reflect on what they’re grateful for in their day-to-day lives, too. For many years, our family has focused our Thanksgiving on expressing thanks for our family, our health, our earth, and whatever else feels authentic to our kids. We engage in rituals like building a tree of thanks to make this even more concrete for them, and fun for us. This has extended far beyond Thanksgiving for us as well, helping us use simple rituals to develop a gratitude practice as a family and improve our own mental well-being in the process.

However you choose to celebrate this holiday, remember that while we cannot change history, we can make our children alert to who is telling and what needs to be told about the story. It’s the only way our kids will learn to do their part to make sure better stories are written in their time.

This post originally appeared on Tinkergarten.

Meghan Fitzgerald

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning.

10 Times Your Daughter Shouldn’t Say Sorry

By Raising Awesome Girls Powered By Girl Scouts

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

February 19, 2023

You’re raising your girl to be responsible for what she says and does and to know when and how to give a sincere apology when she messes up. But is she apologizing more than she needs to?

Studies show women are more likely than men to presume they were in the wrong or think their own actions might have upset someone, and those patterns start early. There could be many reasons for this, but some think girls and women are quick to apologize because they’re taught to “keep the peace” and be nurturers who put the emotional wellbeing and happiness of others first.

So often, girls and women start talking by saying, “I’m sorry, but I feel like [fill in the blank]”—and that sentence structure can literally become a habit. The problem? When your girl apologizes for something that wasn’t her fault, others might start to see her as someone who is at fault. Someone whose shortcomings inconvenience others, even if that’s far from the case.

Read this list from Girl Scouts with your girl, and remind her that although it’s important to make amends when she’s truly done something wrong, apologizing when she hasn’t can undermine how others see her and damage her self-worth.

There’s No Need to Say “Sorry”…

1. When someone bumps into her. She has just as much of a right to take up space in this world as anyone else.

2. When she tried her best. Maybe she didn’t win the science fair or make the basketball team, and that’s OK. Nobody’s perfect.

3. When she’s not feeling well, even if it messes up plans for others. It’s not like she went around looking for germs. Help her focus on getting better instead of apologizing.

4. For leaving when someone makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. One of the most important things to explain to your girl is that she doesn’t need to “be polite” or stay in the same vicinity as someone who makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. She just needs to get out of there and tell a caring adult as fast as possible.

5. For her feelings. Some might be uncomfortable with your girl’s anger, sadness, or disappointment, but that doesn’t mean those feelings are bad or wrong.

6. For sticking up for herself. It takes guts to take a stand and defend yourself or others against bullies. Doing the right thing is never something to apologize for.

7. For having high expectations. Expecting the people in her life to follow through and keep their word isn’t a crime.

8. For setting boundaries. Whether a friend wants to cheat off her homework or someone is invading her personal space, she has every right to say no.

9. For sharing knowledge. Knowing her stuff and using the information to help others is awesome. Someone else’s insecurity is not your girl’s problem.

10. For her appearance. Who does she get dressed for in the morning? Herself. If others don’t like it, that’s fine.

So what can she say instead of sorry? Tell your girl to start by saying how she’s feeling in short, declarative sentences. So instead of “I’m sorry, I have a question,” she could say, “I have a question.” Skipping the apology doesn’t make her rude—in fact, it puts apologies back in their rightful role as a way to make amends when she’s actually done something hurtful or wrong.

Stress to your girl the importance of speaking with intention. Apologizing for no reason or when she’s not at fault dilutes the sentiment. Have her save it for when it counts. When it’s heartfelt and for the right reasons, the power of “sorry” will be more meaningful both to her and to the person on the receiving end!

Want more tips on Raising Awesome Girls? We’ve got you covered.

Originally published December 2019. This post originally appeared on Raising Awesome Girls, powered by Girl Scouts.

Raising Awesome Girls Powered By Girl Scouts

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Raising girls to be happy, healthy, and successful is simpler than ever with help from Girl Scouts. From knowing how much to help with her homework to navigating sensitive issues in the news with your family, we've got everything you need to raise girls with confidence.

10 Words & Phrases You Might Not Know Are Racist

by Mimi NarteyJanuary 12, 2023

Remember, the kids are listening

Raising our kids in this day and age isn’t always easy, and what we say, both to our kids and to one another, really matters. Unintentional hurtful communication is a reality, but with time and a greater understanding of one another’s experiences, we can learn to communicate with sensitivity—especially when it comes to dismantling racism and promoting social justice in our communities. After polling members of a diverse social justice parenting network, we’re sharing 10 racist words and phrases that should be avoided as we try to manifest a more inclusive and fair society.

"I don't see color."

Iranian woman looking away — Soroush Karimi via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: Because we live in a society where people are targeted or denied opportunities because of the color of their skin, it can be insensitive to people of color’s experiences of injustice to make this kind of statement. Saying you don’t see color could be interpreted to mean that you are not aware of, or concerned by, the systemic bias that maintains disproportionate vulnerability for people of color in American society.

More importantly, as a society, we are striving for equity, not assimilation. Being different is not inherently negative; this is a false and divisive worldview. Just as in natural ecology, diversity makes our communities more resilient. We need to acknowledge that we do see differences in skin color but need to be careful not to consciously or unconsciously ascribe negative meaning to the colors that we see.

How to better align our language with our intentions: Perhaps a more thoughtful alternative would be: “I try not to judge people by their skin color.” This is a solid approach because it signals that you are actively engaged in a process of learning and growth.

Referring to an Asian or Asian American person as “oriental.”

beautiful asian woman — Anthony Tran via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: As a term previously used to dehumanize people, “oriental” is a word that can evoke a racist history and make people feel disenfranchised. To understand this, we have to appreciate the origin and historical usage. Scholars, like Erika Lee, have noted that the word “oriental” was tied to anti-Asian sentiment, violence, and xenophobic legislation (such as lynching and the Chinese Exclusion Act) in the 19^th and 20^th centuries. In 2016, President Obama had the word “oriental” stricken from federal law.

How to better align our language with our intentions: “She looked to me like she could be of Asian descent.” This acknowledges the limitations in our ability to accurately determine anyone’s race but is a geographically and politically relevant attempt to describe someone.

"I am not racist; my best friend is Black."

Two women laughing — Liz Weddon via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: This is a challenging statement because it compounds a denial of our existential need for growth with the myth of racial homogeneity. In general, there is always room to grow in our sensitivity and awareness; there is never a time that we should articulate our social position as so perfect that we are above reproach or education.

Also, since your friendship with that person of color is probably not predicated on the sole premise of dismantling systemic racism, it is illogical to leverage that relationship in a conversation about racism. You don’t want to exploit and undermine your authentic friendships simply to justify an unwillingness to hear how your words or actions made someone else feel.

How to better align our language with our intentions: Be vulnerable enough to admit that you had not intended to be racist, but there are sometimes disconnections between our intentions and our actions. A more effective statement could be: “I have never been made aware that these actions/this language could be racist or hurtful.”

Calling an Indigenous person an "Indian."

How this can be hurtful: There is such a complex history and narrative with Indigenous Americans who are caught between dehumanizing exoticism and the false perceptions of exploiting government “hand-outs.” Any kind of explicit language, comments or questions reflecting either of these points of view can be problematic. However, it can also be subtly disempowering to call people by a name given to them by their colonizers, rather than using the names that they call themselves.

According to a 1997 survey of Native American college and high school students, reported in Native Americas, more than 96% identified themselves with their specific indigenous nation, and only a little more than half of these youths identified themselves as American citizens. While most of us are not going to be able to discern between indigenous ethnic groups, we should be able to perceive the difference between a person descended from India (an Indian) and a Native person.*

How to better align our language with our intentions: “He is Indigenous” or “he is Native” are better options. Using this language at least acknowledges the connection between indigenous heritage and the land that comprises the United States of America.

*It is worth noting that native is a term that can be used pejoratively, but generically it means “first.”

“You are not really like other Mexican people” or “You don’t even seem Asian to us” or “You are not Black-Black.”

multi-racial group of teens together — iStock

How this can be hurtful: Statements like these are making an exception of an individual within a racial group. These are especially hurtful because they are full of tangled racist nuances. In a single sentence like this, you are making several simultaneous assertions that you probably don’t intend:

You are expressing a biased or narrow view of a racial group.
You are saying that you accept this individual on the contingency that they do not align their behavior too closely with the stereotypes of their actual racial group.
You are attempting to establish yourself as the arbiter of someone else’s racial identity.
You are disenfranchising this person from the racial group to which they belong, leaving them without any true social “safe place.”

The person of color on the receiving end of this statement is stuck between a rock and a hard place. The options are either: (1) to reject this offer to assimilate and risk confrontation and fall out in real time or (2) to accept this contingent social proposition and cooperate in systemic racism by reinforcing stereotypes and validating narrow worldviews.

How to better align our language with our intentions: A better approach would be: “I feel like we have a lot in common.” This signals that you are prioritizing the things that unite you over the things that divide you, which is a step towards humanity.

There are also phrases used daily that can be problematic. Here are some common expressions with racist origins:

Gyped/Jipped: This term originated as a racially derogatory word for the nomadic Romani people who have been the target of unfounded accusations of theft.

Grandfathered In: This expression was introduced into our vernacular with the passing of the 15th Amendment. Once Black people were granted the right to vote, several states created prerequisites for voting. The “grandfather clause” exempted white people (who were lineal descendants of people who were allowed to vote before the federal legislation) from having to pass literacy tests or pay poll taxes to qualify to vote.

Moron: This word was submitted by eugenicist Henry Goddard to describe people of inferior genetic characteristics. In 1913, he and his staff classified 40% of Hungarians, Jews, and Italian immigrants as “moronic” and had them deported.

Long Time, No See: This expression is pidgin English, and it was originally used to mock the way Native Americans and/or Chinese people spoke English.

Peanut Gallery: This is a classist and arguably racist reference to describe the least expensive seating in theaters, which were often occupied by Black theater-goers.

Kindness Is Our Superpower

By Lindsey Althaus

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

March 8, 2021

mom-child

Photo: The Althaus Life Blog

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was over-exhausted. Overwhelmed. Underpaid. (I kid). Vivi was teething and Whitman was out of control. We were waiting for occupational therapy. I was bouncing Vivi on my hip and chasing Whit. Our stroller was full of Panera bags, cups, and cookies because we had no time between school that was on the second floor and OT which was on the first floor.

Whitman wanted a candy bar and was doing his nonverbal grunts and points at the vending machine. I was trying to coax Whitman away from the vending machine with a sugar cookie and brownie. I was failing at both things. Then a woman with messed up hair, a walker, and reeking of B.O. and cigarettes walked up to me and she said it. I

knew that one day I would be faced with adversity because of Whitman’s lack of language. I thought my first time would be at Target or Wal-Mart. But I never pictured it would happen in the rehab facility. The woman said: “You know he’s a R*** right?! And why in the hell would you bring another into the world?!” She pointed at Vivi. I stood stunned. I didn’t know what to say and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Thankfully, Whit’s occupational therapist came out and the situation was defused. I told her what happen, pointed out who the woman was from the hallway, then drove home a sobbing mess from therapy that day. I questioned every move I had made as a mom. Was it my fault?! Should we not have had Vivi?! Am I not handling this the way I should be handling this?!

In therapy, Whit’s OT reminded me that Whit wasn’t any of what that woman called him. We have had the IQ tests. Whitman is reluctant to show you what he knows, but trust her, he knows. I saw the woman the following week and felt sick when I did. Her daughter walked up to me and apologized for her mom’s behavior—she had seen it all while she was trying to check her mom in and was mortified. She didn’t make up an excuse for why her mom said it, she said just said how sorry she was. Then added that my kids are cute. It helped a little but the wound is still there two years later.

That word takes away your security. That word makes you feel things as a parent that you should never have to feel. It reminds you of what a cruel place this world is. It makes you wonder what kind of human takes out their anger on a child and his mother who are simply trying to get through the day. We need to stop the stigma that this word is ok. In the dawn of a new era in America’s history, we need to take away that word and replace it with inclusion. We need to teach our kids that being different is fine. That being mean isn’t. That even if the quiet kid in their class doesn’t say “Hi” back you still say “Hi.”

If you see a friend struggling, you help. We need to stop criticizing and blaming parents because their child has special needs. Whitman isn’t the way he is because I did anything. He’s programmed differently and as much as I grieve about that it’s not because he is who is. He’s the best human being. He is a walking miracle. It’s because the world isn’t ready for him and what he can offer. It’s a tad better but not there yet. We have to start teaching our kids to advocate for those who need it. Kindness starts in the home. Hate starts in the home. Letting the R-word fly like confetti starts in the home.

Instead of putting our prejudices that we were raised with, let’s make 2021 the year of kind. The year where rude terms are put to bed. Let’s make 2021 the year where we stop judging other mom’s for doing it a different way than you. Let’s be grateful for our upbringings because it made us the people that we are. The people that our children need us to be. Let’s help others no matter what, without blame, or judgment. Let’s just be decent human beings.

Can we please just make 2021 the year of a new beginning where we don’t have to worry about what society is going to say about our kiddos or us? I will never forget my first encounter with that word. That day fueled a fire in me to be kind. Even if I disagree with the person, we are all different we are all going to have different opinions, even if the person was rude to me earlier. I’m choosing to be a person that my kids would be proud of it and it starts with being kind to everyone.

We as special needs parents need to know that kind is our superpower. We need to be the example for re-educating society if we have any hope of eliminating the hurtful words. Let’s set the bar high this year for ourselves. Let’s get out there in the community and educate the people around us, let’s be kind in our education, and show grace to the broken system that got us here. Let’s move forward with pride that maybe we can be the generation that changes the world, but in order to change the world we have to start at home and in our communities. Baby steps.

This post originally appeared on The Althaus Life Blog.

Lindsey Althaus

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Lindsey is a mom, wife, and blogger at The Althaus Life. She lives in Ohio with her husband and 2 children. Lindsey is grateful all things and to be able to chronicle her beautifully broken laugh til you cry cry until you laugh life.

Should We Continue to Celebrate Dr. Seuss?

By Gay Cioffi

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

March 5, 2021

Photo: Josh Applegate on Unsplash.

In the past, March 2nd, the birthday of Theodor Seuss Geisel, well known as a picture book author, Dr. Seuss, was a cause for celebration. During my years as the Director of the Little Folks Nursery School in Washington, DC, on this day, children were asked to bring in their favorite Dr. Seuss books for sharing and reading aloud. Children and teachers made red and white striped “Cat in the Hat” hats. And to add to the festivities, I took the opportunity to cook up some ham and eggs —I mean green eggs and ham—to everyone’s delight!

While many were shocked by the announcement yesterday to cease publication of six of Mr. Geisel’s books, I believe that we have even more to celebrate, with this decision by Dr. Seuss Enterprise, the keeper of his legacy. Some may cry “cancel culture” at the news of this choice. But, I, for one, applaud it and appreciate the greater awareness brought to his past instances of racial stereotyping.

How can we be more sensitive to this type of transgression if we don’t point it out when we see it? In Theodor Geisel’s case, racist and anti-semitic depictions can be found in drawings from his college days, his early cartoons, and long before he became a successful children’s book author. When delving into his early work, there is no mistaking his ugly and hateful depiction of Blacks, Asians, and Jews; it is indefensible. More subtle insulting imagery of non-whites in his children’s picture books resulted in the decision to discontinue their publication.

Like all humans, artists are flawed…and full of contradictions. Still, we can “call out” their harmful mistakes while acknowledging their positive contributions. And moving forward, we all can learn from and make a more significant effort to represent all book characters with dignity and respect while acknowledging when someone falls short.

In Mr. Geisel’s case, his later attempts to instill tolerance, diversity, and compromise in books such as The Sneetches and Other Stories, published in the late fifties, can be embraced and appreciated. In The Lorax, published in 1971, readers are introduced to environmentalism and the importance of taking care of our earth. So, like Dr. Seuss himself, who grew and changed with the times, our consciousness can be broadened as well, if we welcome an honest look at the expression of others. We can take the good, leave the bad, or at least acknowledge how wrong and damaging degrading representation can be.

As an educator, parent, grandparent, and human, I know that representation is important. When children do not see themselves in books or see depictions that are negative, no matter how subtle, true damage is done. When they see others represented in a negative way, those thoughts and feelings are internalized. We all have a responsibility to think critically and call out such representation.

While I approach the idea of censorship with caution and a genuine concern for free speech and the exchange of ideas, I don’t see how the discontinuation of these six books affects either free speech or an exchange of ideas; if anything, it encourages reflection and discussion.

I am not buying the notion that we must endure offensive imagery or language because of nostalgia or the risk of censorship gone too far. Lies, hateful and hurtful visuals can and should be named. Some are more worried about being called “PC” or politically correct, than undoing the damage caused by white supremacy and white privilege. If that is where the concern lies, there is more to worry about than a publishing decision by an organization that is, after years of consideration, trying to get it right for our future and the future of our children.

In my view, it is the past acceptance or obliviousness to the subtle and not-so-subtle racist messages in books, television, movies, and advertising that contribute to the disease of racism. It isn’t the only factor that feeds it, but it plays a role, and acknowledging it as such is a step in the right direction.

Like the Dr. Seuss Enterprise, I look forward to a new chapter.

This post originally appeared on Should We Continue To Celebrate Dr. Seuss? www.littlefolksbigquestions.com.

Gay Cioffi

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

These 6 Dr. Seuss Books Will No Longer Be Published & For the Best Reason

by Karly WoodMarch 2, 2021

Dr. Seuss Enterprises has made a special announcement today, Theodor Seuss Geisel’s birthday. In celebration of supporting hope and inclusion the company has chosen six books that will no longer be published.

Working with a panel of experts to review their catalog of titles, Dr. Seuss Enterprises will cease publication and licensing of And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, If I Ran the Zoo, McElligot’s Pool, On Beyond Zebra!, Scrambled Eggs Super!, and The Cat’s Quizzer. According to the statement, “these books portray people in ways that are hurtful and wrong.”

photo: Amazon

Dr. Seuss Enterprises is committed to curating a catalog that represents all communities and families, and stopping the sales of these books is just one part of their broad plan to ensure that happens.

––Karly Wood

80 Award-Winning Kids’ Book You Need for the Bookshelf

This Program Sends Free Jewish Children’s Books Right To Your Home

We Need to Erase This Word

By Chrystal Venator

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

March 1, 2021

I wish the r-word would just disappear. Poof! Be gone. Permanently erased forever.

The r-word is a euphemism for “retard” or “retarded.” It is a derogatory and insulting term used to describe or insult individuals with intellectual disabilities. I’m so tired of hearing it and reading it on social media used to insult a person, place, or thing through comparison to a person with an intellectual disability. There is no correct way to use the r-word. None. It needs to go!

If you haven’t already, please kick the r-word to the curb, once and for all. I’m so tired of reading the expression “that’s so retarded.” People need to stop using it as a descriptor. It’s not a joke. The r-word has such a negative stigma attached to it.

In a world of social media and a pandemic, more and more people are going online including those with intellectual disabilities. They have a right to be in the online space free from disrespect and online bullying. I have seen friends use this word. It’s like a stab to my heart. They know the struggles that I have with my child, how hard he works, and the obstacles he faces and seeing them just throw that word around, out into the world- like nothing. It is beyond disheartening.

It is really one of the worst things that they can say. I wish that people thought before they spoke. I wish they realized how hurtful and demeaning the “r-word” is. I wish they could live in our world for a day so they could realize the love, kindness, strength, fight, heart, friendship, and perseverance of those living with intellectual disabilities. They are missing out.

This is more than a word, it’s about respect and attitudes. It’s about people looking down on others and judging them because of perceived capabilities. Never make an assumption about what another person can and cannot do. My son is an amazing little boy. He loves life and other people. He likes muffins, telling jokes, YouTube, and Buzz Lightyear. He loves hugs, stickers, swimming, and being included.

He is love, kindness, acceptance, purity, positivity, strength, and courage. He is smart. He is capable. He has encountered more obstacles, jumped more hurdles, and climbed bigger mountains in his mere five years than some people encounter in a lifetime. He is more than any assumption, barrier, limit, or diagnosis. He is and will always be more than the ignorance, negativity, hate, opinions, and preconceived notions of others. He will always be more than the r-word.

This post originally appeared on Stalen’s Way Facebook.

Chrystal Venator

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life.

How to Manage Family Conflict during COVID

By Erin Wiley

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

September 11, 2020

Photo: Foto Phanatic on Unsplash

Let’s play a little Jeopardy, shall we? The answer, for $500: “Being cooped up for six months with no social gatherings, wearing masks everywhere we go, working from home but still losing income, terrifying nightly news reports every day of the week, and confusing opinions about how school should look this fall”. Ding! “What are some of the situations that are leading to greater conflict in our families during COVID, Alex?” Correct! $500 pretend dollars for the exhausted-looking person reading this article!

Chances are you know exactly what I’m talking about. Not only is there still great fear about the virus in general, but people are on edge about the economy, our jobs, our kids’ schooling, loneliness and disconnection in our extended families and communities, and more. And this viral crisis shows no signs of ending anytime soon. As a therapist, I can tell you it’s leading to heightened conflict in homes across America. How do we better manage the stress, frustration, anger, and disappointment so that we can keep distress in our families to a minimum? Here are five top tips for handling conflict during COVID.

1. Listen: When you are not in agreement with someone important to you, listen to and validate the other person’s point of view. This is the best first step. It’s disarming for people when they feel truly heard, especially when two people have very different beliefs or feelings on an issue. You don’t have to agree with someone to reiterate their point back to them in an attempt to show you are listening and you understand where they are coming from. Start here.

2. Try and find common ground: Emphasize anything that is similar or that you can agree upon. This can lead to a faster resolution and better compromise. You maybe want something done differently or at a different pace, but usually what we all want in the end is similar: peace, order, harmony, progress, healing, chocolate, and naps. Look for areas where you can reach an agreement.

3. Let it go: Sometimes it isn’t worth the fight. Remember: people do not have to agree. Ultimately we need to learn to let go of control of others. We should seek to be kind and respectful above being right/winning. Not every fight is one you can let slide… but perhaps you can change your tone or approach in a disagreement to lower the level of conflict with people you love.

4. Become a proficient apologizer: When you do mess up and things get heated or you’ve been unkind, don’t hesitate to apologize. When you ask for forgiveness for your behavior or words, all it means is that you are acknowledging that you did something hurtful, not that you are a bad or weak person. The healthiest people apologize easily (it takes lots of practice to get there) because they see nothing wrong with admitting they may have done something hurtful to someone else. An “I’m sorry” can go a long way in times of conflict, and it’s a great example to set for others around us who may struggle with this basic relationship skill. Be generous with repair attempts. It ultimately will pave the way for greater peace in our most important relationships.

5. Practice self-care: Work on emotional management and de-stressing outside of times of conflict. Find ways to process your emotions and create healthy outlets for your stress. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so that you can be as balanced as possible when conflict does arise. Work on healthy food choices for optimal health, improve sleep hygiene and routine, and move your body with a simple exercise like walking. Get outside. Play with your pet. Find a few minutes alone each day. Meditate, journal, or create a spiritual practice. Recognize when you need a break from other people, and make it happen. Go for a drive. Sit in the sun for a few minutes. Even a few minutes of self-care daily can help us create the internal peace we need to stay calm when conflict does arise.

Most of all, cut yourself and others around you some slack. This is unprecedented. People are struggling. This is hard. There is great uncertainty. We are all just taking it day by day. In times as stressful as this, we know that incidents of conflict are going to rise—it’s inevitable. We can’t change that fact, but we can be prepared with strategies like the ones suggested above to help smooth over the struggles brought upon by the unprecedented difficulties we are all living through at this time. We can do this, Friends. For our families, and with our families, we can do this.

Erin Wiley

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Erin Wiley, MA, LPC, LPCC, is a clinical psychotherapist and the Executive Director of The Willow Center, a counseling practice in Toledo, Ohio. The clinical focus of her therapy work is marriage, family, parenting, and relationships. She has extensive training in marriage counseling from the Gottman Institute.

How I Finally Found a Way to Enjoy Mother’s Day

By Amy Jorgensen

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

May 11, 2020

The anxiety started creeping its way in a couple of weeks ago. I read a blog post about a mother that had one of those momster moments… ya know, the moments moms have occasionally when they just snap? She described it so eloquently that I couldn’t help but recall my own worst momster moments.

Now, I’m not talking about raising your voice because you’re frustrated. I’m talking about the moments when mom has a full-blown meltdown and unintentionally rips away the safest place her children have: her. These moments are ones we don’t like to recall… and recalling mine literally gave me nightmares for several nights. It wasn’t until I acknowledged that I have a true fear of being “that” mom again that the nightmares stopped.

It’s been about a year since I’ve been a momster. And I can’t help but reflect. I remember last year’s Mother’s Day clearly. I was sitting outside at my parent’s house, swinging with my almost 2-year-old, watching my other daughters run and play happily. I was basking in the glow of thoughtful presents and handmade cards. They had recently forgiven me for my worst momster moment yet—the one that made me realize something wasn’t right. The one that led me down a path of healing and dealing with the depression I didn’t know I had. The one that left my babies crying, staring at me with wide fearful eyes. The same eyes in my nightmares. My sweet girls ran carefree, and I could almost see my mistakes trailing out behind them as they let them go.

Then they would run over to me with a picked flower and for the 100th time wish me a happy Mother’s Day. I was humbled and in awe of my daughters that day. I had never felt less worthy of their love and gifts and forgiveness. Yet, they gave them anyway. I didn’t know how to let my mistakes go but, I vowed that day that I would never be a momster again. That I would do whatever it took to become the mom they thought I was.

As this Mother’s Day approached, I had a fresh wave of anxiety. For years I’ve secretly hated Mother’s Day. Over time I’ve held high expectations that turned to high hopes and then into dread. Mother’s day seemed to be a giant highlighter for all of my motherly flaws. It was easier to pretend Mother’s Day didn’t include me. I instead tried to focus on the women in my life. Not the fact that my family forgot it was Mother’s Day. Not the spit up on my dress 5 minutes before church. Not the lost shoes. Not the kids fighting. Not the me that somehow can’t manage it all gracefully for one blessed day a year. Nope. I’m out. Not my day.

But then something happened. As we approached Mother’s Day, my anxiety altered and dissipated—I was busy helping my oldest daughter deal with some intense emotions and hurtful situations. She turned to me. I am her safe place. And in that safe place we were brave and strong and gentle. She fell apart and was rebuilt. She was seen. She was heard. And she walked away knowing that she is worthy and lovable. That she is capable of more than she thought. I could almost see the fear and hurt trailing out behind her. And I could feel the fear and hurt I’ve carried from being a momster trailing out behind me.

So I vowed to make this year’s Mother’s Day different. Not because of our perfect plans or presents but because this year I knew what’s up. I know that I am a good mother. Not a perfect mother. A good mother. The one my daughters need. The one that is capable of more than she thought. It won’t be a perfect day, but it will be a good one because my gift to myself is the best one I could receive—a long string of fully forgiven mistakes, fear, highlighters and hurts trailing out behind me.

This post originally appeared on my-peace-project.com.

Amy Jorgensen

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

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