My son Stalen was diagnosed on the autism spectrum when he was 22 months old. He is now almost 6 and non-verbal. He is also amazing!
Here are 5 things that I’ve learned from this journey that I want to share:
1. Autism is neurological. It is not physical or intellectual. There is no look to being autistic. Autistic individuals are quite intelligent and capable. They just see the world differently than we do.
2. There is no right or wrong way to perform a task, or reach a desired goal or outcome. Instead, there are many ways. My son may communicate differently than you with the support of a device but he is just as capable. He may also require additional supports but that does not affect his worth or value as a human being. If nothing else, it shows his immeasurable determination and fight, please don’t try to stand in front of that.
3. My son wants to be accepted, loved, and included just like everyone else. He wants to be active and involved in the community free from judgment and discrimination. He needs to be himself, free from consequence. Please don’t invite him to the table and expect him to be like everyone else.
4. Meltdowns are not tantrums. Meltdowns are not a sign of always getting one’s way. Meltdowns are hard moments, signs of an individual trying to cope with an overwhelming world. Please be kind. Please don’t stare. Please don’t judge what you may not understand.
5. Autism is just one of the many pieces that contribute to the make-up of my amazing son. It does not solely define him as a person or define his life. There is no formula for a life well-lived.
Every day we choose to define our lives through embracing differences, kindness, understanding, unconditional love, adventure, laughter, hope and faith.
We share our story to inspire, educate and make this world a better place for not just Stalen but for so many others as well.
I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life.
If you have a kid, you probably have a zooful of stuffed animals living with you. These “stuffies” are more than just cute clutter—they actually serve a fundamental purpose in a child’s life. Their favorite teddy or doll is their first friend and allows them to explore their emotional life without judgment, helping navigate all the ups and downs of early childhood. Their stuffed friend’s unconditional love and acceptance teach a valuable lesson about what it means to be a caring human. That’s why a new book that celebrates this particular (and essential) bond,Bear Is a Bear, caught our attention.
Bear Is a Bearis written by popular children’s author Jonathan Stutzman and illustrated by Dan Santat, a Caldecott Medal-winning and #1 New York Times bestselling author/illustrator. This moving story with a heartwarming reveal is akin to books like TheVelveteen Rabbit and Corduroy—Bear Is a Bear reads like that classic you cracked opened over and over again as a child, but with a modern twist.
Bear is...a new friend, a fellow mischief-maker, a protector and a dreamer. Through all the many ups and downs of a little girl’s childhood, Bear is there to provide love and support. Until it is time to say goodbye...and hello again.
Bear is a Bear is a deeply touching story of an ever-evolving friendship. Have the tissues nearby—it’s the final reveal that will bring tears to your eyes and make this book an instant classic in your household.
Bear Is a Bear is a moving tribute to the beloved companions of our childhoods—our “stuffies.” (We bet you can remember the name of your favorite as a child right now.) The oversized picture book is also gorgeous, making it the perfect baby shower or birthday gift. Grab your copy, a favorite stuffed friend and snuggle up for storytime with Bear Is a Bear today, and enjoy for years to come!
Explaining tough topics to young children can be difficult and nerve-wracking for parents. But laying a foundation by asking the right types of questions and exhibiting the right forms of behavior will help them start to understand real-world issues at a developmentally appropriate level.
One tough topic near and dear to our hearts at Kiddie Academy is family homelessness. In the United States today, one child out of six lives in poverty, and families with children make up 35% of the people who experience homelessness. That’s why we’ve partnered with Family Promise, a national nonprofit organization that helps families experiencing homelessness and low-income families achieve sustainable independence through a community-based response.
Homelessness is a big topic for little minds, but it’s an important one to teach children about. Here are some tips for talking to your children about family homelessness (and other tough topics):
Remember that young children will take things literally, so use their developmental age to guide the conversation.
Ask open-ended questions based on what they already know, so you can reaffirm or correct wrong messaging.
Use literature to help with starting the conversation (see book list below).
Limit exposure to inappropriate subject matter.
Keep in mind that young children will react based on parents’ reactions—reassure them.
Be honest.
Parents know their children best, use your best judgment on how far and deep to go.
Another way to make the topic of family homelessness more understandable is to demonstrate to your child your family can help other families and participate in events that spread awareness like Night Without a Bed:
Supporting Night Without a Bed is easy. Your family can participate by sleeping anywhere but in your beds: in a tent, car or even on your own living room floor. You can post photos with the hashtags #NightWithoutABed and #KiddieAcademyFamilyPromise and promote them on your social media feeds to drive awareness.
This relatable experience allows the powerful topic of homelessness to be more easily understood by young children.
Joy has over 20 years of experience in early childhood education. As Vice President of Education at Kiddie Academy Educational Child Care, she oversees all things curriculum, assessment, training and more. Joy earned a B.S. in Education from Salisbury University.
I’ve been spending time with a new friend lately and I’m starting to like her.
At first, we just took trips in the car together—short trips to pick up or drop off the kids from school and then longer trips to watch my son in his high school baseball games. Initially we rode in silence, just listening to the sounds of the world. Then we started listening to music. Each day it was something different. Some days it was show tunes. Sometimes it was R&B or hip hop from the ’90s and 2000s. Sometimes it was classic rock or a news podcast.
She lets me pick and accepts my choices—without judgment.
She recently convinced me to redo my bedroom. As I stood in the middle of my room, an hour into the process, I was overwhelmed by the mess. But, she refrained from telling me I was stupid or messy and didn’t scold me for waiting so long to tackle the project. Instead, she helped me focus on the possibilities before me and together we put the room back together. She helped me see the hope in the midst of a mess—without judgment.
When I finally got back on the spin bike 8 weeks after my surgery instead of 6 weeks, she was my biggest cheerleader. “You can do this!” she whispered as I climbed into the seat, unsure of what my body would be able to do after such a long break. As each mile ticked by, her support grew louder and louder.
She believes in me—without judgment.
When I had one of those big parenting moments with my teen the other night, she was there, trying to build me up and remind me that I am a good mom. At first, I tried to ignore her, silence her, tell her that’s she wrong—just like I used to do for so many years. But eventually, I let her speak louder.
She points out my strengths and helps me see my growth—without judgment.
When I ventured back into the world outside my house, she has been there, silently encouraging me to be my true self, to say what I am thinking. To reach out to the people that matter. To hold boundaries to protect my energy.
She makes me believe I am worthy of love and laughter—without judgment.
While I know she’s always been there—a part of me—I kept her hidden away. If I let her help me be confident, I would be seen as cocky. If I believed the positive things she says about me, that I was superficial or phony. So, I turned down the volume on her for much of my life, pushing her into the far corners of my brain.
But I’m starting to see now that she’s not just a part of me—she’s the real me. And I think it’s time to let her stay and that maybe it is time to let her shine. Because it turns out, she’s kind of a great person. And here’s the thing—you all have a friend inside you that is just like her. Maybe it’s time to let her shine too.
Jenni Brennan is a psychotherapist, college professor, creator of Changing Perspectives, and co-host of The Changing Perspectives Podcast. Jenni is passionate about exploring the topics of parenting, relationships, grief, and mental health through her writing and podcast episodes. She lives with her husband, 2 sons, 3 dogs, and 2 cats in Massachusetts.
Pass the slime! Bring out your inner child (and delight your own kids) with the new Sour Berry Slime topping from Baskin-Robbins. Yes, it looks like green slime and yes, you can put it on any scoop or shake.
For slime times in June, just ask to add it to your ice cream for 99 cents, or take a bottle of slime home for $6.99! You can also grab the Flavor of the Month, Summertime Lime, with tart candy flavors to combat the hottest days. It might look questionable, but it’s delicious!
“Baskin-Robbins is bringing out the kid in all of us this summer with the introduction of delicious and edible Sour Berry Slime, paired with the ultimate, tangy Summertime Lime Flavor of the Month, perfect for any hot summer day,” said Shannon Blakely, Vice President of Marketing & Culinary, Baskin-Robbins.
If you’re a kid of the ’90s you’re likely thinking of Figure It Out on Nickelodeon right about now. No word on whether Baskin-Robbins slime is pourable enough to recreate that game show moment, but no judgment if you decide to find out.
In short, I’d say it’s for awareness and education. To make it more common and comfortable for people to see others with differences whether it’s in appearance, speech or behaviors.
I guess because we are so immersed in autism 24/7, I forget sometimes that there are people who don’t know anyone personally with it and it may feel foreign and possibly uncomfortable.
That’s okay! I get it. Before we had Alex, I think I would probably feel uncomfortable if I was standing at a bus stop and someone started jumping and flapping and making unusual sounds. It’s different. But I would love it if this could be put out into the world so people are made aware of it so it’s not scary. People could just be like “Oh, ok maybe this person is different. Let me give them some space or smile at them or whatever.”
Anything new takes time to get used to and feel comfortable with.
What’s not okay is bullying or derogatory language. It still feels like a little gut punch when I hear people say the ‘R’ word. You can come up with any excuse you want, but the fact of the matter is that it is used as an insult. It’s never used to describe something amazing. My Alex also has a diagnosis of intellectual disability and knowing that the ‘R’ word is often used to describe people like my son makes it sting even more.
This is why representation matters.
TV, media, us just being out and about in the community. Not just Alex and our family, but all the families who live with autism.
I feel there needs to be more representation of our kind of autism. We need to put faces to the word for there to be a human connection. People need to teach their kids to be accepting and be kind to people who are different.
The reason I’m writing this right now is that even though it’s 2021, I still see and hear stories of abuse and mistreatment.
Can I tell you how much preparation (both physically and emotionally) and courage it takes for some of us to just take our kids out of the house because we know the stares and judgment we’ll get just for being different? I can tell you how much it would mean to me as a mom, if someone would just show me a little smile, like “Hey, I see you. You’re not invisible. Welcome.” It would melt my heart, I tell ya. That’s all we want. Humanity.
Through our page, I hope that people will see Alex, first and foremost, as a human being who, despite his differences and challenges, also has gifts and a smile that’ll warm your heart, and that he deserves to be treated with the same respect and kindness that everyone deserves. If you feel brave to say “Hi” and he doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally. He can’t always speak, but he hears you and so do I, and it means so much that you tried.
If you see someone out who is having a meltdown, stimming physically or verbally, not responding? Don’t judge. Don’t insult. Don’t hurt or take advantage of. Remember: Different, not less. Just. Be. Kind. I promise you, it feels so much better than the alternative.
Remember, these people are someone’s child, brother, sister, auntie, uncle. They are a person with feelings and emotions just like you. Treat others how you would want yourself and your own kids to be treated.
Hi! My name is Laura and I'm a mom of two beautiful kids in Vancouver, Canada. I write a blog on Facebook called The Autism Ride, all about the ups and downs in life with our teenaged son on the spectrum.
I use the word “obsessed” a lot, especially when it comes to my five-year-old autistic son, Johnny. He really gets into certain toys, songs, and shows. It annoys my husband that I use the word so much. “He’s not obsessed, he just likes it” and to his credit, the interest comes and goes often even though he does fixate for a short time.
The one thing—not even my husband can den—is that Johnny is obsessed with my stomach. The kid loves it. It can drive me insane, but something about it fascinates and comforts him. Sometimes it is in a silly, squishing my flab, way; other times it is him resting his usually restless head on it, or hiding his face in it when he is anxious or nervous in public.
I’m sure it stems from the hours of skin to skin as a baby, the comfort of laying on mommy as a toddler, and all the encouragement to touch and love on it when it held his little sister.
The older he gets the more we work on the appropriateness of it. He’s still little, but attempting to lift up my shirt at home or grab my tummy in public isn’t going to work. He has to learn to respect my space and body. The moment I lie down when he’s around he goes straight for it. You will hear “no belly” often, in our home.
The thing is, sometimes I look at my belly in the mirror after the shower and think I feel ashamed of it. My 30’s belly is much different than the almost flat stomach from my 20’s. My workouts come and go, as do my healthy eating habits. I try but I’m also a tired and exhausted mom who has been through many ups and downs.
So, I won’t lie, he’s not catching rock hard abs there, It’s surely a comfortable and soft pillow.
The neat thing is he doesn’t see it as fat, or unhealthy, or shame, he simply sees it as mom, comfort, and safety.
No judgment, just love.
My son loves a part of me that I find hard to, and that changes the way I see it. Don’t worry I’m not using it as an excuse to stay unhealthy or out of shape, but it is a reminder of my son’s beautiful, unconditional acceptance and love.
So when I stand in the mirror looking at that belly, I can say it’s the way it is because I carried two beautiful children in it and because I’m a special needs mom who has had some really hard days. It’s not perfect because there is not time for perfection in my life right now, maybe there never will be. But I am doing my best and that’s okay.
I’m loved and accepted no matter what, by my son.
Johnny is different. The amazing thing about him is that he does not judge. He doesn’t look for the flaws in others or make fun of others, instead, he seeks. Seeks what makes him happy, and what he loves.
There is something undeniably beautiful in that and I’m grateful for that unconditional love and for someone who truly loves my flaws.
Jaime Ramos, is a mom from Colorado. She's married to Isaac and has two kids, Amelie and Jesse. Jesse, her Johnny, is on the Autism Spectrum. She went to school to be a filmmaker, but now spends her days mainly as a stay at home mom.
Your life is blossoming. You’re on the edge of adulthood. The future is full of such possibilities. It really is such an exciting time.
Me now? I’ll be 34 soon. (Gulp. I started applying more face creams than I ever knew existed).
But, what I’ve noticed over the past few years is that this is a hard season for my friends and childhood acquaintances. As we’ve aged there is more and more bad life stuff. Deaths, divorces, sick children, heart-breaking infertility—the really deep hard stuff.
My “let me check on you” list has never been longer. Which really made me start thinking about life. And, what is actually important. And, what I wish I knew before.
So, here is my shortlist of things I wish I knew at 17.
1. Go out to eat for breakfast or lunch or dinner with your parent(s) and grandparents. When they ask you to do things that annoy you (AKA spend time with them) do it. Life is fast and unkind. Time goes way too fast and we lose people way too soon.
2. Enjoy your youth. Really enjoy it. Enjoy being able to move without pain. To wake up without needing makeup and an anti-inflammatory. To have minimal real-world worries. You have the rest of your life to worry and adult—enjoy your youth.
3. Find friends. Real friends. At some point in your life (the sooner the better) take the time to find real friends. And, hold on to them tight. You’re going to need each other. More than you will ever know. There will be marriages, divorces, deaths, infertility, miscarriages, terminally ill children, and everyday hard daily life. You are going to need friends for the celebrations and for the grieving. Trust me. You won’t make it without them.
4. Be a good woman. The world needs more of them. Don’t mess with someone else’s man. Trust me—most of the time (in this situation) it’s the man who is the issue. Real men, the kind of man you want, won’t cheat. Not on you and not on the one before you (with you).
5. Get an education or career. Be self-sufficient. Gone are the days whereas a whole woman can count on men to support them and their families. Does it happen? Surely. But, always know you can fall back on yourself.
6. Know that you have more to offer the world than your external looks. The world will judge you by every part of your body every chance it gets. Know inside that you are worth more. Even if you’re beautiful—you are worth more.
7. If you decide to take the educated path know that the more successful you are—the more people will be intimidated by you. It’s something in our DNA. Especially true for men and dating. Men are programmed to be the breadwinners and protectors. Our society is no longer set up for that old world system. But, the judgment still happens. Don’t base your worth on this.
8. Know that you can’t fix or change anyone but you. You can’t. Don’t even try. But, you can fix and change yourself. And, you should—every chance you get.
9. You can’t love away addiction. You can’t love away mental illness. You can’t love away the broken parts of people. You can love people and support them in them wanting to get better, but you alone, cannot love anything away in someone else.
10. When someone shows you who they are. Believe them. The first time. That’s the universe’s way of warning you. Listen to the whispers.
Know that life is beautiful and tragic. If you don’t know rain, if you don’t live in the rain, the sunshine isn’t as bright.
JACQUELINE WAXMAN, M.Ed living in New Jersey with her kids. I’m a social worker by profession and Mom by choice. I chauffeur children to their preferred destinations, feed-bathe-and-clothe my little people when we are not playing outside. Passions include writing, photography and advocacy.
Different not less. Let those words sink in for a moment. This small phrase has a large meaning in the autism community. For some, including myself, it has become a mantra, a mission if you will. I share our story simply so you can see this phrase lived out in real-time. Our journey may look and be different, but it is not less in any way, and never will it be.
Unfortunately, there are people who see this phrase and add the word “and” to it: “Different AND less.” They may not say it out loud, but their actions speak louder than words. And the story below is an unfortunate example of this. As a special needs parent, one of the biggest things I worried about at the beginning of this journey was if my child would be accepted for who he is. Will he have friends? Will people see him, the true him, even in the peak of our hard? Or will he be judged? Given up on? Labeled? I was lucky enough for that worry to be put right to bed because from the first moment my son’s therapies started, I knew my son was accepted. And man, did I sleep easier at night!
For the past two years, I’ve been lucky enough to live in this wonderful bubble—where acceptance is given and not earned. Where judgment ceases to exist. Where support is given freely even in the hardest of times. But my days in this wonderful bubble are quickly coming to end. As you continue on this journey, the inevitable happens, and the time comes for you to have to leave your safe space, your little bubble. You come to terms with having to leave the place and the people that love your child the most. The only place besides your village that understands the phrase “Different not less.”
Many parents start to lose that sleep again. All of that worry and those questions of acceptance that you asked yourself at the beginning of the journey start to creep back. And unfortunately, it’s because you hear and see stories like this below. People that should be a parent and child’s safe space, end up treating a child less because they are different. The story below happened in a friend’s own backyard. It tells a story that we as a special needs community wished was fictional, but know all too well exist and is most times even covered up. In this incident, a child’s aide stapled a piece of paper to the child’s head to serve as a reminder for the child to bring his water bottle to school. Yes, unfortunately, you read that correctly. What’s even worse is that when the mother brought this to the school’s attention, it was downplayed. Statements made as if, even true would make this situation okay: The paper was stapled to the child’s hair, not his head. The aide has had a clean record up until this point. There was no “intent to harm.” The aide wasn’t even fired, just written up and moved to a different classroom. It’s these incidents that make me realize that special needs individuals are seen as different and less. And that is truly heartbreaking.
I myself am a licensed Cosmetology Educator. Although I teach adults, the goal as a campus is to create a safe space for all our students. Backgrounds may be different, lifestyles may be different, learner types may be different, but what we all share in common is our love for the beauty industry. I would like to think that the same mindset would be true for teachers, school administrators, and aides but unfortunately, it seems we are hearing more and more of incidents like this happening.
So I ask you: When is enough going to be enough? When are people that treat special needs individuals less than going to be held accountable before a mom has to lose it on the entire school system? But more importantly, when are people going to start speaking up when they see someone that is different treated less? How many times does someone have to be made fun of or treated poorly before you say enough is enough? When do you draw the line? The special needs community needs everyone’s help when it comes to this.
Let’s be honest, the world needs everyone’s help when it comes to this. I don’t know about you, but the world my kids live in now is scary. It’s filled with hate and judgment and people thinking their way is the right way. Do you know one thing that will always be right? Treating everyone with respect and dignity. Special needs or not. And it seems like these days, this is not even something everyone can agree on. So until then, I’ll keep using my voice, I’ll stand side by side with the moms that are made out to look crazy because they demand their kids be treated equally, and I’ll keep speaking up when I witness different people being treated as less.
I’ll leave with this quote from Mother Teresa: “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” Are you brave enough to cast that stone when you see someone that is different treated less? As a mother of a special needs child, I hope that you can be. I need you to be. Because those ripples you create can positively impact our world. And I know so many brave individuals that do their best every day to navigate a world not made for them. The least we can do is be that stone for them. Create those ripples. That’s what I intend to do. I’ll continue to cast stones. I’ll continue to make ripples. And my hope is that one day, with your help, those ripples can turn into waves.
Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2). Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page.
On the outside, I appear to be calm about my kids going back to school. They attend a public school that is well funded and has engaged parents. Last week there was a Zoom call with over 300 participants and the general consensus among the parents is that mandatory masks, new ventilation systems, hundreds of new sanitizing stations, and 45-pages worth of initiatives cover as much as can be expected to keep students, teachers and everyone that works in the school safe.
But I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night from anxiety. I keep thinking that tomorrow night will be different, but it’s not. Part of feeling better is knowing that there are so many others feeling the exact same way. I decided that I would do a bit of research and find actions that I could take to help with the stress. Sometimes it’s about finding what works best for us as an individual, and you can only decide when you’ve read, talked, and done your research.
Nanika Coor, Psy.D. is a Brooklyn, NY based clinical psychologist who specializes in working with parents, recommends being mindful in four key areas. I took her advice to heart and thought about specific things that I could do to ease my back-to-school anxieties.
1. BREATHE. Her first piece of advice when you are feeling stressed is to, “Stop & breathe: Stop whatever you’re doing. Pause. Take a breath. Make your exhale last as long as you can.” At first, I found this somewhat comical and basic, but the truth is it really helps. Don’t laugh, but the smell of Soap & Glory Uplifting bath products while taking a deep breath in the shower makes me happy and sets a positive vibe for the morning. I feel like I’ve rewarded myself just for being positive and making an effort to be in a good mood.
2. BE AWARE. “Check-in: Focus your awareness on your internal experience: What emotions, body sensations, and thoughts are you experiencing right at this moment? Notice with curiosity rather than self-judgment. Let whatever’s there just be there,” says Coor. The part that resonated with me is about self-judgment. So many times, moms feel that they should have it all together at home and at work and it’s the pressure, more than the activities, that make things hard. I’ve also decided to ask for help and ordered Freshly meals. I spend less time worrying and cooking, more time with my kids and husband, and therefore I feel like I did a better job. That’s the recipe for a start to less self-judgment.
3. LOOK WITH A POSITIVE LENS. Coor also recommends that parents, “Zoom out with a positive lens: Assume positive intent. What if you assumed that both you and your child are trying to get your needs met in the best way that you know how at this moment, however unproductively. Call up some compassion for you both.” My kids want more attention and I have laundry to fold. Plus, conference calls and soon homework. We both need time and that’s why I’ve incentivized them to help with more chores. By doing things together they can feel that I am happier and calmer, and we get to crack jokes while we work. One extremely important lesson and I cannot emphasize this enough, is you cannot criticize the way they help. Just don’t do it. If they are doing it with willingness, tell them how it makes you feel. Think about the emotion and not how clean or well-folded something is done. Remember, you’re looking with a positive lens and it’s one step at a time.
4. RESPOND FIRST, THEN REACT. Coor’s last piece of advice is to “Choose the least harmful response you can: Respond rather than react. What can you do right now that brings the least amount of harm to your child’s body, mind, heart, spirit, and self-esteem?” There are a few ways that I’ve tried to implement this in my life. First, if I feel like I’m really going to lose it, I leave the room and say that I’m coming back when I calm down. This actually is much more effective than screaming at the top of my lungs while something is happening because my kids know it’s serious and they have time to realize what just happened.
The other way I’ve used this advice is by taking something away that demonstrated that I was doing something extra because I care, not because I had to. As an example, for a while, my kids would not stop bickering. Day in and day out it was misery. I screamed, I pleaded, and I cried. Nothing helped. Then I decided to tell them that if they continue one more time, they would have to get to school on their own. My reasoning was that I had to take time out of my day to fight the traffic and the school bus lines so that my kids would have door-to-door service. It was something that I did for them because I cared. Not because I had to. The fighting continued, I stopped driving, they took the bus, and the fighting ended. They got the point.
To me, it doesn’t matter that things have changed in terms of COVID-19. Things changed because the response was more meaningful than harmful. Parents do things every single day that show love and care, and at a certain point, kids are able to understand that this is a shared activity.
5. GET HELP. If things seem really difficult and you are struggling, get help. It’s the most important thing that you can do for yourself and your family. Almost everyone is having a hard time and you are not alone. Parents Anonymous is a family strengthening organization and has added resources to help during the pandemic.
This is my place to start and it might change in the weeks ahead. But, I’m already starting to feel calmer.
I'm a mom of two children, wife, and love my fur baby, traveling and playing UNO. My passion is discovering services and products by entrepreneurs, especially those that can cut down on some screen time and help our family create lasting memories together.
