9 Ways to Build Trust with Your Tween

by Melissa HeckscherJuly 20, 2023

While they won’t help with the inevitable eye roll, these tips can help you connect and build mutual trust

If you’ve got kids approaching the tween years, you’re probably a little nervous (ok, let’s be honest—totally freaked out) about what’s going to happen when that inevitable sprout of independence blooms. Will you still know what’s going on at school, after school, or with friends? And, most importantly: How will you stay connected and close? The answer? Mutual trust. We asked experts to tell us some of the best ways to build trust with kids before they become teenagers.

Here’s what they said about building trust with tweens

1. Talk to them!

According to Mindy McKnight, author of VIRAL PARENTING: A Guide to Setting Boundaries, Building Trust, and Raising Responsible Kids in an Online World, the most important thing parents can do to build trust with their kids is to talk to them. Like, REALLY talk. The mom of six says, “Do your best to have open and honest conversations as often as you can. Yes, talk about the easy stuff like friends, school, interests, and memories, but don’t be afraid to delve into the more difficult stuff as well. Like bullying, sexuality, puberty, and hormones. Parents should be the first (and most reliable) source of information when it comes to establishing the foundation for their newly-forming ideals and opinions.”

Of course, finding time to talk can be tough. Try getting a few words in at bedtime or on car drives, when your kids are less likely to be distracted by screens, homework, or siblings.

2. Listen carefully to their perspectives—and validate what they are saying to you.

“When I was 12, we visited my uncle, who worked as a fertility endocrinologist in California. He was discussing abortion with another adult in the room, and I vividly remember him turning to me and asking what my opinion was on the subject. At age 12, I’m not sure I even really knew enough to have an opinion, but I remember exactly how I felt when he believed I might have something important to say. I felt so important. Ask your tweens their thoughts on important subjects, and you might just be surprised by what they have to say. Conversations like these also help them to become more informed and to share their opinions in a mature and respectful way,” says McKnight.

3. Be specific when setting boundaries—and stick to them.

Consistency and reliability are important building blocks of trust. If you’re going to set rules, make sure you’re specific, and stick to the rules and the consequences you’ve laid out if they aren’t followed. “We love contracts in our family. They help us ensure we have discussed all the different rules, potential outcomes, and subsequent consequences in teen-sensitive areas like the usage of smartphones, laptops, social media, cars, etc. Be careful not to establish consequences that you won’t actually enforce. Your war will be lost before you even begin,” McKnight says.

4. Take interest in your tween’s interests.

“If you notice that they have a specific interest in something, like video games or fashion, be sure to make that an interest for you too,” Mcknight says. “Learn about it, and talk about it. Even if the activity isn’t something you particularly love. Taking part in it will help open up many opportunities to spend quality time with your child, and communication with them will become much easier. Try it, and you’ll be surprised at how well this works.”

dad talking with his tween daughter — *iStock*

5. Answer their questions without judgment.

When a child or tween asks you questions about something—whether it’s something they saw on TV or something they heard in school—answer them without judgment. According to New York psychologist Sanam Hafeez, “Most parents just go into panic mode asking where they heard what they heard and then judging and getting negative. When kids feel as if they can communicate openly with parents without it turning into drama—or worse, accusations and arguing—they’ll be more trusting of their parents and will value their guidance and advice.”

6. Honor their personal space.

By age 8 or 9, privacy starts to become important to kids. Consequently, that’s when parents need to start respecting their personal space—for instance, always knocking on their door (or the bathroom door) instead of just barging in. “Respect and trust are intertwined. When a tween is concerned that their parents might move their things in their room, or think nothing about coming into the bathroom while they are showering, or randomly redecorate something in their room without first checking with them, it can fracture the trust,” Hafeez says.

Note: If you have a house policy where all doors must be open a few inches, Hafeez said you can stick to that rule but still knock and peek in before swinging the door open.

7. Lead by example.

If your eyes are constantly on your phone, and then you scold your kids for being glued to their iPads, they won’t be as willing to take you at your word. Be ready to “walk the walk” when you set rules for the family. Hafeez says, “Declaring you are going to revamp the way the family eats and then actually involve the tween in meal-planning… that could be a fun way to show that you stick to what you say you are going to do. This inspires trust and respect.”

8. Show your tween that you respect them.

Trust hinges on respect—and this respect should be mutual. So show your tweens that you respect them—even when they misbehave or disappoint you. When your child sneaks his iPad (again) on a school night, for instance, sit him down and admit that you’re disappointed. Ask him why he finds it hard to follow a particular rule and listen to his feelings about it. Whatever you do, don’t make rash statements like, “Why can’t you ever follow the rules?” or “We just can’t trust you.” Those statements just make kids feel like their parents don’t respect (or believe in) them. Parenting expert and former high school teacher Kara Carerro noted on her blog, “When a child grows up respected, they are more apt to confide in and trust their parents.”

9. Show your kids unconditional love.

Sure, you know that you love your kids unconditionally—but do they know? In this article, outreach specialist Tyler Jacobson says it’s important to show your kids that your love never diminishes or disappears. “The fact that you love them and want to rebuild your trust could go a long way to setting the tone for healing. Even when kids are little, it can be hard to forgive quickly, offer support for every little thing, and accept them for who they are NOW. But these are all ways to show unconditional love,” he says.

10 Ways to Help Boost Your Kid’s Confidence

by Amber GuetebierApril 25, 2022

Your kids are the light of your life, so it can be hard to imagine that your amazing, beautiful, vibrant kiddo might have low self-esteem. Raising a confident child can be hard, but there are a few tactics seasoned parents use to instill a strong sense of self-worth in their kids from a young age. We know that no two children are alike, and there is no one-size-fits-all for parenting. We hope this list helps you pick and choose what works for your kiddos.

1. Model Self-Acceptance

If ever there’s a time to silence your inner critic, it’s in front of children. Kids are sponges and they absorb all of the things we do and say in front of them. In other words, if you don’t want your kids standing in front of a mirror saying their stomach is poochy, don’t do it to yourself. And this doesn’t just apply to physical appearance. Praise yourself once in a while in front of them, with real-life, concrete examples: “I got ready so fast today I was early to work,” or “I really had a great solution at work today, and I am so proud of me.”

2. Help Them Find Their Thing

Encouraging your child to find an activity they really enjoy and can gradually improve at is great for confidence. Anything with measurable improvements, such as a physical sport or a musical instrument, can provide clear examples of how something that is hard can become easier with practice. Experiment with trial and error (see letting your kids fail below). It can take a child a while to find “their thing” and that thing can change with age.

3. And Encourage Them to Stick With It

There’s a difference between something that's painfully difficult and anxiety-inducing and something that is hard. While you don’t want to force your children to do something that negatively affects their mental health, encouraging them to work at it even when it doesn’t come easy will lead to a feeling of great accomplishment.

And even if something isn’t a fit now, they can always try again. For example, your child might struggle to get through a piano lesson at age 5 but love it when they try again at age 10.

4. Listen to Them

Even if you want your child to keep at something, let them express their feelings about it honestly, and tell them you hear them. As the parent, you can evaluate if this is a situation in which they want to give up because they are feeling discouraged, or if it’s something bigger or potentially dangerous, and act accordingly—but in the moment, let your child be honest and acknowledge their feelings. Tell them you will come up with a solution together. Knowing they are heard means they know their opinion is valuable.

This can also be enforced in something as simple as dinner conversation. Let your child have the floor, and don't interrupt when it's their turn, just as you wouldn't want them interrupting you.

5. Get an Eye Exam

You might not think eyesight and confidence are connected, but it’s not uncommon for children to have vision problems before their parents notice. Not being able to properly see the board, screen or other teaching materials at school can make kids feel like they are “not getting it” or add to confusion. For very young children, they may not even know why they are feeling this way, which can lead to frustration.

In addition, if your child is having trouble concentrating at school, struggling with concepts or seems disinterested, especially if this is a new behavior, it could be a sign of eye problems. More than 40 percent of Americans have myopia¹, and in North America, the prevalence of myopia is expected to increase to 58% by the year 2050.² MiSight® 1 day soft contact lenses are the first and only soft contact lenses designed for myopia control and FDA approved* to slow the progression of myopia in children, aged 8 to 12 at the initiation of treatment.³† And, after using MiSight® 1 day contact lenses for three years, 90% of age-appropriate children still strongly preferred them over their glasses.⁴

6. Let Your Kids Take Risks

This one can be incredibly hard for parents and caregivers because our instinct is to protect our children. Naturally, we’re not talking about risky or dangerous behavior, but there are everyday risks that may seem small to grown-ups but are a big deal to kids. Being able to pour their own milk, even if there’s a risk of major spilling involved, is just one example. The milk doesn’t spill: they are proud of themselves. The milk does spill: they need to find a solution to clean it up.

7. Give Them Responsibilities

Allow your children to contribute to the household with age-appropriate chores and responsibilities. This will not only help you, but it will let them know you believe they can do it.

Offering specific, meaningful praise will give them even more confidence, plus the desire to keep up with those responsibilities. From telling a 3-year-old “I like how you quickly you cleaned up your toys,” to playfully reminding your tween, “I believe in your ability to fold laundry!” keep the examples relevant to the job at hand.

8. Let Them Fail

We won’t lie: it can be devastating to watch your child fail, especially when it is something they have their heart set on. This one can be incredibly hard for parents and caregivers because our instinct is to protect our children.

Auditioning for a school play, trying out for a team, talking to a new person at school, even taking an exam are all healthy risks that can come with big rewards, but they can also come with failure. And as hard as it is to hold a crying child who wanted to make the team, the resilience it builds will go a long way when facing tougher stuff as adults.

Another example of letting them fail ties in with personal responsibility. Yes, you want your kids to get good grades and do well at school, but if they don’t do their project on time, they will face the consequences. Failing to do a good job can encourage them to be motivated to not fail again.

9. Arrange a Physical

You’re a pro at the well-baby checks, but every year when your child gets their physical, it isn’t just about their growth chart. Confident kids know that their body is their own. Particularly as children advance to tween years, having a safe place with a trusted adult outside the home to talk about any health concerns, mentally and physically, will give them a sense of control over their own bodies.

10. Accept Imperfection

It's okay if they put their clothes away lopsided or their handwriting isn't great. Practice may not make perfect, but it will make improvements. Instead of stressing about little everyday imperfections, in yourself, your life and your kids, leave the dishes in the sink, the flyaway hair flying and go outside and play. Yes, we mean you, parents!

—Amber Guetebier

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Indications and Important Safety Information.
Rx only
Results may vary.
ATTENTION: Reference the Patient Information Booklet for a complete listing of Indications and Important Safety Information. *Indication: MiSight® 1 day (omafilcon A) soft (hydrophilic) contact lenses for daily wear are indicated for the correction of myopic ametropia and for slowing the progression of myopia in children with non-diseased eyes, who at the initiation of treatment are 8-12 years of age and have refraction of -0.75 to -4.00 diopters(spherical equivalent) with 0.75 diopters of astigmatism. The lens is to be discarded after each removal. Warnings: Problems with contact lenses could result in serious injury to the eye. Do not expose contact lenses to water while wearing them. Under certain circumstances MiSight® lenses optical design can cause reduced image contrast/ghosting/halo/glare in some patients that may cause difficulties with certain visually demanding tasks. Precautions: Daily wear single use only. Patient should always dispose when lenses are removed. No overnight wear. Patients should exercise extra care if performing potentially hazardous activities. Adverse events: Including but not limited to infection/inflammation/ulceration/abrasion of the cornea, other parts of the eye or eyelids. Some of these adverse reactions can cause permanent or temporary loss of vision. If you notice any of the stated in your child, immediately have your child remove the lenses and contact your eye care professional.
†Compared to a single vision 1 day lens over a 3 year period.
¹ Vitale S, Sperduto RD, Ferris FL 3rd. Increased prevalence of myopia in the United States between 1971-1972 and 1999-2004. Arch Ophthalmol. 2009;127(12):1632-1639. doi:10.1001/archophthalmol.2009.303
² Holden BA, Fricke TR, Wilson DA, et al. Global Prevalence of Myopia and High Myopia and Temporal Trends from 2000 through 2050. Ophthalmology. 2016;123(5):1036-1042. doi:10.1016/j.ophtha.2016.01.006
³ Chamberlain P, et al. A 3-year randomized clinical trial of MiSight® lenses for myopia control. Optom Vis Sci. 2019; 96(8):556-567.
⁴ Sulley A et al. Wearer experience and subjective responses with dual focus compared to spherical, single vision soft contact lenses in children during a 3-year clinical trial. AAO 2019 Poster Presentation.

5 Clever Ways to Ease Back-to-School Anxiety

By Nina Meehan

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

September 13, 2021

It’s August and school is upon us! Last year was just about the weirdest year ever for our kids, so this fall might feel a little intimidating or scary for some little ones. The good news? Kids are resilient and strong, but it makes total sense that they might have a lot of big feelings associated with being back in the classroom. Here are five creative ideas that might be helpful to ease the back-to-school transition:

1. Act It Out
If kids are nervous about going back to school, try roll play! First, act out what the first day of school might actually be like, then try the OTT version (Over the Top) where everything is silly and exaggerated. Try switching rolls. You can be the teacher and your child can be the student and then switch!

2. Draw It Out
Help kids feel ownership of their back-to-school process with an art project to decorate a new lunch box or a backpack. Using glitter glue pens or fabric markers give kids the freedom to go to town on an item they will be bringing with them to school. This gives them a sense of control and helps them bring their own unique perspective and artistic voice into an otherwise unfamiliar situation.

3. Play It Out
Kids need practice reading other people’s emotions—particularly with masks. Remind them of the importance of using their eyes to express and read emotions. Practice “HAPPY” “SAD” “ANGRY” and “SILLY” eyes. Make it into a game and see if you can guess each other’s emotions.

4. Talk It Out
Let your story be their school super power. Tell them the story of your first day of school or a memorable moment from your childhood at school with this framework:

A LONG TIME AGO, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD A HARD TIME WITH ___________ .

I FELT ___________ WHEN I WAS GOING TO ___________.

I TOOK MY DEEP BREATHS AND I __________.

IT WAS SCARY AT FIRST, BUT THEN I REALIZED ______________.

5. Dance It Out
Do you walk to school? How about dancing to school instead? Take turns leading different silly dance moves as you walk. Bonus: play some fun music on your phone as you go! Not walking, but driving? No problem, use arm-dancing that you can do SAFELY while driving!

Whatever you choose to do, keep in mind that the more creative play and imagination you can bring to the back to school process, the more your kids will have opportunities for laughter and joy! Laughter is proven to reduce anxiety and stress and, I think we all could use a little of that this fall.

This post originally appeared on Piedmont Post.

Nina Meehan

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Nina Meehan is CEO and Founder Bay Area Children's Theatre and the host of the Creative Parenting Podcast. An internationally recognized expert in youth development through the arts, Nina nurtures innovation by fostering creative thinking. She is mom to Toby (13), Robby (10) and Meadow (5).

What Experts Say about Anxiety & Kids

By Kenzie Butera Davis

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

September 10, 2021

Photo: Vitolda Klein on Unsplash

Every child worries. And whether it be about their first day of school or trying out a new sport, every worry matters. It’s important that you, as a parent, let them know that you’re listening, let them know you understand, and help them understand as well. Keep in mind that kids learn how to recognize and express their worry by observing and mimicking others’ behavior or relying on you to teach them! Here’s some tips on explaining worry and anxiety to your little one.

First, start by validating that what they feel is real.
When your child is worried, they might feel like something is wrong with them, or like no one understands them. In fact, they might not even realize that what they’re feeling is worry! It’s important to let your child know that what they’re feeling is okay, and that they’re not alone in these feelings.

More often than not, kids feel worry in a physical way, like a stomachache. But they likely won’t recognize that as being connected to their emotions. It can be helpful to use your own example to explain the connection, “I remember when it was my first day at a new school and my stomach wouldn’t stop hurting…turns out I was feeling worried”.

Validating your kid’s feelings—physical, emotional, and the connection between them—is an important step toward helping them understand anxiety and why they feel it.

Now that they can identify what they’re feeling as worry, what do we do?
Once your child has practice recognizing worry when they feel it, you may even come up with a plan on how to handle that worry; be it deep breaths, focusing on the present, or saying their worries aloud.

1. Take Deep Breaths
Deep breaths are a simple, yet effective, way to cope with worry. It can aid in relaxing both the mind and body. If your kid is a visual learner, try the box breathing technique. Tell your child to focus on any four-sided object in the room. When they find their target, you’ll want them to inhale for 4 counts as they trace the first side with their eyes or hands, hold their breath for 4 counts as they trace the second side, exhale for 4 counts as they do the same on the third side, and hold for 4 counts as they trace the last side. The counts can be faster or slower depending on your child, and they can go around the four-sided object as many times as they need to feel calm. If they’re not visual learners, have them do the same technique minus the object.

2. Focus on the Present
Say your child has a math test coming up and they’re really starting to worry. Help them learn to focus on the present moment by having them try the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 trick…What are 5 things they can see? How about 4 things they can feel? 3 things they can hear? 2 things they can smell? 1 thing they can taste? Pulling away from worries of the future and focusing on the present can help ease their mind.

3. Talk Back to Your Worries
Sometimes it’s helpful to talk. Even to yourself. Have your little one say their worries out loud. But to make it even better, have them add in the fact that they can handle their worry, that they won’t let it get the best of them. Saying their worries out loud and talking back to them can ease the anxiety-symptoms, and even give them a little boost of confidence!

4. Exercise Patience
Anxiety, albeit complicated, is totally normal. And so is a child not being able to connect those physical symptoms they have with what they’re thinking or feeling. Be patient when teaching them about that connection, be patient when they’re still confused and scared, and be patient when you help them come up with their plans.

Worry and anxiety can be tough for anyone to understand, regardless of age. That being said, let your child know that their feelings are valid, important, and heard. Having that support can make all the difference in the world for them.

To learn more about explaining anxiety to your child, check out Maro Parents.

Kenzie Butera Davis

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

maro helps parents navigate tough growing-up conversations with their kids: mental health, puberty, empathy & diversity.

27 Little Things That Mean the World to Your Kids

by Leah R. SingerJuly 3, 2021

You always hear about doing random acts of kindness for strangers. But sometimes those little acts can have a big impact on our own kids too. There are lots of ways you can make time for kids that really won’t cost you much in terms of effort, but will go a long way in your little one’s day. In the spirit of positive parenting, here are 27 little gestures that make kids feel really important.

1. Host a Yes Day. Ice cream for dinner? Yes! An impromptu trip to the park? Sure! Imagine the joy your kids will feel when you say "yes" to everything! Inspired by the Yes Day book, this post has all the details you need to say "yes" all day long.

2. Color together. Grab a blank stack of paper, a pack of crayons and your imagination and start drawing. Spend time with your kids drawing pictures together, and then hang your art throughout the house to remind you of the special time together.

3. Show appreciation and say "thank you." Everyday life can get tough, and sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things our kids do for us. Make an effort to thank them for even the smallest things. Did your kiddo do a great job getting ready for bed? Tell her how much you appreciate it. It may seem little to you, but it will mean the world to her.

4. Don't say anything when your kids dress themselves "creatively." Left on their own, many kids will dress themselves in mismatched outfits and funky shoes. Why not let them have a day where you go with the flow? Maybe even tell them how much you love their outfit!

5. Had a fight with your partner? Make sure your kids see you apologize and make up.

6. Spend time outside together. Turn off the screens and step outdoors for family fun. We're not talking about major camping trips or outdoor adventures. Little things like going for a family walk, a trip to the park, or having a snowball fight will make your kids feel happy to be with you.

7. Share words of affection. Make sure you tell your kids you love them, or how you're proud of them for simply being a good kid. Words can be powerful, and your kids will remember what you say.

8. Have a tea party. Get those pinkies up, make finger sandwiches, brew some tea (or juice boxes) and put on a fancy hat for fun.

9. Give them extra time before bedtime. Does your kid constantly ask to push her bedtime? Surprise her one night by letting her have an extra 20-30 minutes before snoozing.

10. Help your kid be brave. Let them express themselves fully and read a few books about bravery. Give your kiddos the tools they need to express self-confidence. These small efforts will go a long way in instilling confidence in even the youngest of tykes.

11. Eat a family meal together. It's okay if a family dinner isn't your thing. How about family breakfast, or lunch on the weekends? Whatever works for your family, make an effort to have a special meal together.

12. Wear the handmade jewelry item they made you. Remember that macaroni necklace your son made you? Take it out of the drawer and wear it for a day.

13. Tell them a story about what they were like as babies. Remind them about the first time they smiled, their first word, or the first time they walked.

14. Let them know it's okay to quit. If your kiddo has been miserable playing soccer or attempting a new skill, give them permission to move on and leave the unhappy activity behind.

15. Play a game. Get out a deck or card and play Go Fish, or gather around the table to play a board game.

16. Watch the sunrise or sunset together. It only lasts a few brief moments, but sometimes that's all you need to make a big impression on your kid.

17. Help them clean their room. We're always telling our kids to pick up their stuff and clean up. When you have a bit more time to give, make a point to do the clean-up work together.

18. Have an impromptu dance party. This can be as simple as putting on a few songs and dancing in the living room. No fancy equipment. Just some music and a willingness to move.

19. Let your kid pick the dinner menu. This little gesture can make your kids feel really important, especially if you have a picky eater in the house. Need meal inspirations? We've got you covered with these cookbook recommendations.

20. Play video games with them. While the idea of playing Minecraft or Roblox is probably not your idea of fun, the opposite is most certainly true for your young gamer. How much would they love it if you took some time to play alongside them?

21. Learn something new together. Have you always wanted to make a pie? Do it with your kiddo! Does your little one want to learn a new dance move? Get your rhythm on together. Working together to achieve a goal will strengthen your bond and show your kiddos you care about their efforts.

22. Read together. Grab a book and snuggle up on the couch together and read. Whether your kiddo is small and needs you to read aloud or you've got a young reader who prefers their own book, take a few minutes to bond over books. Your kids will remember this time together.

23. Have a pajama day. While it's great to get outside, there's nothing wrong with having a day indoors that focuses on indoor play, movies, books and stay in pajamas all day.

24. Print photos and make an album for your kids. We have thousands of photos, but they exist virtually. Print out a handful of photos and create a small album for your little one to flip through. They will love this simple act of kindness.

25. Write a note of encouragement. This can be as simple as "I love you and thanks for being a great kid." Slip the note in their lunch box. Tape it to the mirror, or leave it on your kiddo's pillow.

26. Take a walk on a rainy day and splash in ALL the puddles. Letting out your inner four-year-old will show your kids that you're not afraid to get silly too.

27. Pick a summer anthem. If you and your kids have a theme song for summer, you'll be able to sing together every time you put it on.

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Finding a Healthy Way to Overindulge My Kids

By Nataly Blumberg

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

May 19, 2021

Photo: Monique Banks via Instagram

The pandemic has been hard, if not impossible, for everyone around the world. I have friends that lost young spouses, a grandparent whose health is just not the same after being in isolation and kids that are relearning how to make it through a day of in-person school.

I know that my family is lucky. But I had this nagging desire to do more for my kids that just wouldn’t go away. Throughout the day, I swing from wanting to give and do everything they ask in an effort to make up for lost time, to knowing that these acts of overindulgence will create a new set of problems. Saying yes non-stop is bad for the rules my husband and I tried so hard to put in place and we are getting on a path where the kids feel like it’s never enough. Truthfully, they seemed more content when we were more judicial with our yesses. You know when your kid is eating ice cream for breakfast and can’t sit still for five seconds that you’ve crossed the line when it comes to good parenting skills. It’s not that terrible, but it’s a slippery slope.

It then dawned on me that the perfect opportunity to indulge my feelings of wanting to show that we understood all that the kids have gone through the past year and mark a new beginning (albeit with guidelines from the CDC) would be at their birthday. This is a time when we make a big deal about being older, it’s a natural time to evaluate the new responsibilities they can take on and it is the perfect day to overindulge them. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that this year’s birthday would be a celebration like no other. Not in terms of the number of people invited or money spent, but the way that we celebrate.

The M&M & Pizza Methodology
Of course, the first place I went to for inspiration was Instagram. For me personally, it was a bust. I felt intimidated by the perfection of it all and started adding up the costs which gave me anxiety. Plus, the setup and clean-up sounded like a drag.

Then I remembered a story from Morgan Oliveira who told me that her mom, Denise Oliveira who is a High School English teacher, would order pizza for Morgan’s birthday parties when she was a kid. Before the pizza was served at the table, Denise would sneak into the pizza boxes and sprinkle M&M’s onto the pies. My first response was M&Ms and pizza? It didn’t sound so tasty, but apparently, it is extremely exciting for everyone. As kids, Morgan thought that it was the “birthday special” pizza pie made just for her. As an adult, it is one of her fondest memories from her childhood.

Focus on Your Child’s Personality & Likes
I loved this idea because it’s about making your kid feel special by understanding who they are and what they love. It wasn’t about big balloon displays or hiring a magician. So, I reached out to my friend Monique Banks who has been a party planner for decades. Currently, she and her daughter, Ariel Banks Baker, have a successful event planning company. Years ago, Monique had a children’s party studio, and the mother-daughter team just launched a new company called Blueprint. With over 3,000 kids’ parties under their belts, Monique and Ariel offer DIY downloadable plans with 27 themes that are fully customizable. hey confirmed my hunch about what kids really want, which is a day that makes them feel like they are the focus of the day.

It’s not about how big or fancy the party is, but rather if you are thinking about your child in a way that makes them feel special. What type of candy do they like to eat, what type of games do they like to play, do they have a favorite color? These are the things that make kids feel that they are having a magical experience. Monique and Ariel also let me in on a very important secret: The best parties have constant high-energy games where there a no winners and no losers.

Adults Need to Have Fun Too
The best part is that the adults get to have a good time too. Fewer worries about setting up and cleaning up mean that kids get more attention from their parents which is exactly what they are looking for on their birthdays. Kids know when parents are stressed and tired and it’s not the vibe that you want on a day that is supposed to be about them. Organizing games where kids are having the time of their lives is a gift for parents too. Seeing the little person that you love so much laughing and having a good time is the best present of all.

Lessons Beyond the Birthday
By creating a special day that includes everything my child loves most, makes them feel important. That came with a positive lesson for all of us. When you know how happy someone is because you are thoughtful and that effort makes them feel great, it is an important life lesson. I’m hoping that the kids will want to do things for their friends and family, not because they have to or because it is expected, but because they know that it will make the person feel terrific.

Even though we were stuck inside together for so many months, I had to make a special point of making fun family time and it never felt like it was enough. Being at home for more hours and days meant more laundry, more dirt, more dishes to wash, more schoolwork and homework, cooking more meals, and also juggling my own work. As so many of us know, it was a stressful time. This birthday, I hope, will mark a new beginning. I’m ready to celebrate! Responsibly, of course.

Nataly Blumberg

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I'm a mom of two children, wife, and love my fur baby, traveling and playing UNO. My passion is discovering services and products by entrepreneurs, especially those that can cut down on some screen time and help our family create lasting memories together.

5 Ways to Simplify School Lunch Prep

By Alexandra Gabalda

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

February 28, 2021

The kitchen can easily become cluttered, making it less efficient to do daily tasks like making the kids’ lunches. Here are our top five kitchen organization tricks to help organize your kitchen and simplify school lunch preparation.

1. Clean Out Your Pantry & Refrigerator
Places like the pantry and fridge can quickly become disorganized. If you often catch yourself searching for certain foods or rummaging past miscellaneous items like pet food or cleaning supplies, take the time to clean out these spaces. Remove everything and set them on the counter or table. Sort through the items and toss anything that is expired, anything you know you won’t use, or anything that doesn’t belong.

While everything is out of the pantry or refrigerator, take a moment to wipe down the surfaces. Before you put anything back, create an organizational system that makes the most sense for you—such as sorting and storing items by type or priority for easier access. Bonus points if you repackage some items into clear storage bins for better visibility!

2. Optimize Your Storage Spaces
While we wish everyone could have walk-in pantries and spacious cabinets, that’s not always the case. Regardless of the size of your kitchen, there are ways to maximize what you have and create a more optimized storage system. Use cabinet shelves to double or triple your shelf space or under-cabinet baskets to create additional storage. If you don’t already have a kitchen island, add a simple wire shelving unit with a wooden top. Not only will this increase your storage space, but it will also increase the amount of work surface you have.

For a weekend project, you can go a step further and renovate your pantry. Remove inefficient wood shelves and replace them with wire shelving. A small swap like this can make a world of a difference for everyday use.

3. Keep Frequently Used Items on a Cart
Are you always pulling out the same items when making your kids’ lunch or running out of storage room? One of our favorite multi-purpose solutions for kitchen organization is a mobile wire utility cart. This rolling cart can act as moveable storage to hold frequently used snacks, containers, or cooking utensils. This can help streamline the lunch preparation—not only allowing you to pull out everything at once but giving you the ability to tuck it away quickly once done.

4. Designate a Lunch Box Home
Never hunt for a lunch bag again by creating a designated lunch box storage spot. Streamline the process and add small coat hooks in your pantry or a J-hook onto wire shelving to hang lunch boxes near where you prepare the food. Alternatively, keep them along with their backpack, sports gear, or other school items to keep it all stored in one spot.

5. Make Lunch Prep Accessible to Your Kids
When your kids feel like they’re part of the lunch-making process, they may be more encouraged to eat and enjoy the meal. Help get your kids involved by keeping items easily accessible. Organize your kitchen to give them some autonomy—store common lunch foods at their height, like in a lower drawer in the fridge or on a lower shelf in the pantry and ask them to pick out what type of fruit cup they want that day.

Store non-dangerous utensils like kid-safe knives, plastic cookie cutters, or rubber containers at their level to select and grab themselves. You can also stash a small stool nearby, so they can reach the counter and assist with food prep and lunch box assembly.

Hopefully these kitchen organization tips will help make packing the kids’ lunches more efficient and enjoyable for the whole family.

Photo: Ace Of Space Organization

This post originally appeared on Teuko Blog.

Alexandra Gabalda

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Teuko is the first platform that empowers families to simplify lunch packing. Using Teuko, they can find and share kid-approved lunchbox ideas, recipes, and tips, all in one place. Teuko is transforming the lunch packing experience by boosting inspiration and motivation week after week.

Rice Krispies Treats Is Releasing Kits to Help Parents This School Year

by Jennifer SwartvagherAugust 20, 2020

This back-to-school season is unlike any other. Children and parents are continuing to navigate this new normal of distance and hybrid learning. A national survey by Rice Krispies Treats with real parents and kids uncovered the key moments when our kids might crave a little extra love this school year, and parents might not realize it.

When kids seek reassurance, many parents don’t really know how important their tender words are. For example:

More than 75% of kids say meeting a new teacher, starting a new school and trying out for a new sports team as times when they need extra love from their parents. However, less than 50% of parents think their kids need more support during these moments.

As kids get older, they need as much support, or even more, than they did when they were younger. Yet parents admit they show less support to children ages 9 to 12 than those ages 7 to 8.1
The top moment kids crave more support is when they leave for school each morning.

One way to help kids feel more supported: nearly 80% of kids said they crave a handwritten note. Rice Krispies Treats used the survey findings to create limited-edition “Love in Case of” kits, giving parents a new way to connect and show support.

The kits draw on the experience provided by real families, along with the expertise of actress, TV host and mom of three, Vanessa Lachey, and Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed. Inside the kits, parents will find 12 moments when a handwritten note on a Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper provides more love, when it’s needed. And when do kids crave a note most? The survey says it’s that nerve-wracking morning moment when they leave home, which makes it the prime time to give kids love that will stick.

“Preparing for a new school year is always filled with new challenges, and this year I know my kids will be adapting to new routines,” Lachey said. “The Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper gives me an easy, delicious way to reassure them that they are ‘New Routine Rockstars’ as they re-adjust to school day mornings, and the confidence to get their day started right.”

Inspiring parents to find moments when they might express a little extra love is part of the Rice Krispies Treats identity. From the creating the first writable wrapper to making a stand for inclusivity by creating Braille love notes and sensory stickers for children with autism, Rice Krispies Treats are a simple way for parents to share their support.

“While most parents know the importance of showing love and support to nurture their children, there are certain moments when kids need extra love to flourish,” said Gottlieb, a licensed marriage and family therapist and bestselling author who helped curate the “Love in Case of” moments.

The survey reinforces that it’s important to give support and more love even as kids grow older.

“Whether it’s a hug or a personal message on a Rice Krispies Treats writable wrapper, a little love shines brightest when delivered at the right moment,” Gottlieb said.

The “Love in Case of” kits are available exclusively at KelloggStore.com for $10 each. For each kit sold between Aug. 20 and Sept. 30, 2020, Kellogg will donate $20 to No Kid Hungry, which can provide up to 200 meals ($1 can provide up to 10 meals) to kids in need. The kits include 12 unique moments curated from the national survey, as well as 12 Rice Krispies Treats featuring writable wrappers. For parents looking for additional inspiration, the kits include sample messages created in partnership with Gottlieb.

“Rice Krispies Treats first featured writable wrappers because they allowed parents to show love and support even when they can’t be there,” said Sarah Reinecke, Director of Brand Marketing for Kellogg’s Portable Wholesome Snacks. “While we’ve expanded the types of messages over the years — from Braille to sensory stickers — our mission continues to be inspiring parents with ways to bring a smile to their kid’s face. The “Love in Case of” kits help identify moments when children will appreciate a little extra love the most.”

Kellogg’s donation to No Kid Hungry contributes to Kellogg’s Better Days goal to help end hunger and create better days for 3 billion people by the end of 2030. For more information on Rice Krispies Treats or for additional tips from Lori Gottlieb on how to communicate with kids at certain ages, visit RiceKrispies.com. Parents also can also watch videos and see influencers’ photos that show when their own children needed a little extra love and just how Rice Krispies Treats writable wrappers helped them.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Kellogg’s

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Letter Go: 10 Questions to Ask Your Penpal

by Erin FeherMay 29, 2020

They may have bonded in the sandbox over their shared love of diggers or locked eyes while reaching for the same LEGO in the bin, but since playdates are a no-go these days how can kiddos keep up with their besties? Try some good old fashioned paper correspondence this summer! It will help kids feel less isolated, and who doesn’t love getting mail?

Here are a 10 topics to get kids thinking about what they want to “talk” about with their new friends. Encourage kids to ask (and answer) through a letter. Don’t forget the stamps!

photo: Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

1. Tell me one interesting thing about each person you live with.

2. If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?

3. What is a weird habit that you have?

4. What is the very first thing you do when you wake up each day?

5. Do you have any scars? How did you get them?

6. What do you want to be when you grow up?

7. If you could only eat one food for a week, what would it be?

8. What’s the coolest place you have ever visited and why?

9. If you could do anything you wanted for an entire day, what would you do?

10. Who is the person you most like to spend time with and why?

–Erin Feher

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Helping Your Kids Be Rooted, Resilient & Ready

By Lindsay Sealey

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

May 14, 2020

Photo: Pexels

The world has changed. We have changed. Our daily routines have changed. Where does that leave our kids? Many are feeling stressed and anxious about what the world is going to look like and be like for them. As we all navigate new information and new ways of living, now, more than ever, we need to help our kids feel healthy, happy, and confident. To do this, let’s focus on helping them become rooted (in who they are), resilient (to changes and challenges), and ready (for whatever is coming next).

How to help your kids be rooted: Rooted is being grounded, feeling certain and secure, and having an inner knowingness. It’s the “This is who I am, what I can do, and what I want” confidence. When kids are rooted, they feel strong and healthy. Why? This is because they believe they have value and worth and they know their qualities, their talents, and strengths, and they see how they are learning and growing. When kids aren’t rooted, they not only feel insecure but also they are so easily influenced, pressured, or rattled by mistakes, comments, or conflicts. When I am talking to kids about becoming rooted, I explain that when they have two feet firmly placed on the ground, they are standing on a solid foundation, unwavering and unshakeable. Conversely, when they are only standing on one foot, they are not stable, and they feel “wobbly” and as though they may fall over. We need our kids to be rooted. But how do we make that happen?

Tip: Try asking them to describe themselves. They may come up with: “I am kind”, “I am creative”, or “I am athletic.” Then, ask them for examples. “How do you show this quality?” Let’s have them gather evidence as a way to prove to themselves, they own these qualities. You can try the same for their skills. “What do you know how to do?” Kids underestimate what they view as “easy” like posting on social media or baking a cake. Let’s help them see their skill set as unique and important. Finally, talk to them often about what they want. “Let’s set a goal for this month—what would you like to learn about or accomplish?” They may suggest reading a book or creating a playlist. Let them choose and help them break goals into smaller steps, reminding them that, yes, they can do anything, if they are willing to put in both the time and effort.

How to help your kids be resilient: Resilient is all about bouncing back: from mistakes, disappointments, and setbacks. Life can be tough such as the shutting down of playgrounds, community centers, schools, events, and socializing. Yet, life also presents kids with opportunities for triumphant comebacks. Resiliency is essential because when young people learn to not give up, they also gain confidence. Working through challenges builds up their resiliency muscles. How do we nurture and then champion resilience?

Tip: We let them struggle and we let them fail which is one of the most difficult parts of parenting and caregiving and yet, one of the best ways for kids to learn. Try not to be the “snowplow parent” aka clearing the path to make your child’s journey easy or the “lawnmower parent” where you pave the way for them. Instead, try to be the periphery parent. This means empowering them to stand in the center of their own circle, rooted, as you take a few steps back to assure them you are there for them but you are doing the tough stuff like asking a teacher for help or ordering at a restaurant, for them. Your role is still active, as you learn to observe, ask questions, and provide guidance and support, but you give them the necessary room to try, to make mistakes, to try again (or try differently), and to cheer them on as they work their way through problems. Kids feel much better about themselves when they are supported at a distance and not micro-managed up close.

How to help you kids be ready: Ready is about preparation and action for what is to come. Feeling ready comes with expectation and hope that life will change and that we can be part of designing our dreams. Yes, “readiness” is a tricky word these days; it’s hard to think about next week, let alone next year. Yet, here is what I have been teaching kids: Steps they take today towards creating their future can bring them a sense of energy and optimism. There is no greater time to get ready than now, since many kids are not as busy with extra-curricular activities and school, and they have extra time. Where to start?

Tip: Have conversations about future goals in a playful and curious way. You discover a lot about kids when you ask big and open questions such as: “Where do you see yourself working when you are older?” Be the “dream booster” not the “dream buster.” In other words, as silly or unrealistic his or her ideas may be, follow their ideas. Interested in science? Start experimenting. Want to be a Starbucks barista? Start brewing coffee at home. Invest the time into listening to them and then take action to support their ideas. This could mean discussion, researching online, talking to people in the community, and actually developing a skillset (whether this is technology, drawing, coding, or cooking; the possibilities are endless). Remind them, as well, that you believe in them!

Yes, we are living in an extraordinary world; let’s use this as an opportunity to help our kids be extraordinarily rooted, resilient, and ready.

For more, check out Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible and the website Bold New Girls.

Lindsay Sealey

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy.

ML Interest Tag: kids-feel

10 Ways to Help Boost Your Kid’s Confidence

1. Model Self-Acceptance

2. Help Them Find Their Thing

3. And Encourage Them to Stick With It

4. Listen to Them

5. Get an Eye Exam

6. Let Your Kids Take Risks

7. Give Them Responsibilities

8. Let Them Fail

9. Arrange a Physical

10. Accept Imperfection

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