Photo: MamaZen

It is no secret that life suddenly starts throwing nothing but fastballs and curveballs when you become a parent. At least that’s how it feels most of the time, and most likely, you feel like you’re swinging at the pitches blindly. As parents, we get to the point where we’re so tired of trying to make one hit that we end up getting frustrated and burnt-out. Unfortunately, this stress ends up showing itself in negative ways, like our interactions with our children. The patient parenting approach strives to adapt the way we respond to our children, and in turn, we end up feeling better.

But, being a patient parent is sometimes easier said than done, like when you discover your toddler playing fashion designer with your new dress and some magic markers. However, with a little focus on these four key areas, you can develop a patient parenting technique that works for you and your kids.

1. Stay Calm 
Before you can be a more patient parent, you need to think about the basics; stay calm and breathe. Our kids have an incredible ability to push our buttons at all the wrong moments, but often, what really gets us worked up is our reaction. Although it’s challenging, focus on your response and try hard to take a breath before you react.

Whether your baby won’t go to bed, or your kid is having a meltdown in aisle three, or your toddler just won’t stop saying the word “why,” ask yourself, is this situation really the end-of-the-world? Is it worth you turning into a wild beast? Start to practice ways to help stay calm when these frustrating situations arise.

2. Relinquish Control
Many times, what tends to add to impatience is a sense that you’re losing control. When something doesn’t go as planned, yet you insist on trying to make it work, you likely end up getting even more aggravated and stressed. But, if you were able to give up the need to be in control and recognize that life will always throw you curveballs, you might be surprised to discover you don’t get as bent out of shape about the issue. Basically, you never know what might happen, so being able to roll with the punches can help you increase your patience in the long run.

3. Develop Empathy
You might already be working on teaching your child about empathy, but have you thought about your own sense of empathy? Sometimes, when you lose your cool with your kids, you might want to launch immediately into a lecture (or tirade), but what if you made the mindful decision to talk with your children instead of yell at them? Ask your child why he did what he did, what he was thinking, and try to see things from his perspective before you start to discuss the situation with him.

4. Practice Self-Care
It’s the absolute hardest thing for all moms to do, but it’s also the most important; take care of yourself. Think about it—if you’re tired, stressed, hungry, exhausted, and miserable, then how on earth can you have any hope of being patient? It’s no wonder you lose it if your kid even thinks about throwing her broccoli at the dog. As challenging as it is, self-care has to be a part of your life. Plus, if it helps, look at it as ultimately doing something for your kids because when you’re happy, they’re happy.

Indeed, patient and parenting are not often words you find in the same sentence when you’re a parent, but with a little focus and help from a resource like MamaZen, you can make patient parenting a way of life.

 

This post originally appeared on MamaZen.

Jake Y. Rubin, M.A, is a Board Certified Hypnotherapist, a former university professor of psychology, and a recognized expert in hypnosis and hypnotherapy with degrees in Psychology from UCLA and the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University. He is the founder of the MamaZen app.

 

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but many families have different inclinations when it comes to nicknames at home. Parents call their children various names that range from the cute and funny to the ridiculously weird. And I think it’s okay. Parents have dibs on their children’s names and whatever they choose to christen them sticks for a very long time, at least until they start revolting.

Husbands and wives also have pet names for one another. Often, names they call each other could even be used to interpret the partner’s mood.

Honey

Boo

Bae

Babe

Those are good signs that everything is fair in the relationship. Sometimes, it’s a good sign that maybe there could be some action in a full moon. But when she starts using your first and last name in a single sentence and starts to sound like your mum? Then you know there’s trouble.

But, hey, the dynamic is expected. It’s predictable and traditional. There’s a minimal amount of pet names children can call their parents. For the most part, we have Daddy, Papa (Baba), Pops, Dad, and by his first name when the parent is a new step parent trying to gain the partner’s children’s endearment—at least that’s what I see in the movies. Then for the mothers, we have Mum, Mommy and Mama. There’s just some unspoken rule that the names don’t go beyond these.

But what happens when children start to break the rules? What happens when children begin calling parents Honey, Boo and…Babe. Yes, Babe! That’s my predicament and there seems to be no way around it. Let me give you some background, so you’ll understand why I feel it’s weird.

An Introduction to African Naming

It takes several years in the typical African family before children find out their parent’s real names. If you ever did find out their names, it was probably on some loose documents. I found out my parents’ names from their wedding invitation card I found lying among some old papers. I think I was around 11 years old at the time.

Here’s how it goes down in Yoruba Culture in Nigeria. From the moment you get married and start having kids, your entire identity centers around either the name of your first child or where you live. So, my elder brother’s name is Ayo. To every family member, especially the second generation, my parents were no longer Olufemi and Olaitan but were now called Daddy Ayo and Mummy Ayo respectively.

And that was the same for all my aunts and uncles. I never knew their first names. It was Mummy Ikeja, Mummy Ikorodu, Mummy Isolo, Daddy Moyo instead of their first names. I remember when I heard one of the elder cousins referring to my aunt, whom I had known for years as Mummy Temidayo by a different name. I was like, “Whoa, is that her first name?” So I thought, hey, Aunty Bose sounds way cooler than Mummy Temidayo, at least, it was less of a mouth full.

I received the lecture of a lifetime the day I tried calling her Aunty Bose. That’s when I knew there were rules behind the names and that the ruling nomenclature wasn’t by default. Then I knew that it was either Mummy Temidayo or Mummy Ikeja (Ikeja is where she lived). The only exception to this rule was when you knew the aunt or uncle before they married or started having children. Of course, in that case, the aunt or uncle didn’t have a child to steal their identity. Now let’s get into the bizarre stuff.

My Christening & the Pet Name that Won’t Go Away

My wife and my brother’s wife are quite close. For some reason, they both decided to call my elder brother and me the same pet name: Babe. My wife had decided earlier before we started having children that we weren’t going to follow tradition. That meant no changing our identities to prefixes of our first child’s name and no naming ourselves after a location. But with the use of a pet name, our children won’t still know our first names, which was cool.

It started with “Babe” to my wife and “Daddy” to my daughter. That seemed like a relatively simple and logical arrangement that didn’t seem to stray too far from tradition. But now it seemed the tables have turned and tradition has flipped on its head.

Now, I’ve become Babe to everyone! My daughter calls me Babe like it’s my first name.

“Babe! I need a snack!”

“Babe! Please, I’m hungry!”

I hear my brother is facing the same thing too. His son calls him Babe!

So do I sit her down and give her the same lecture I received years ago? Will being strict about what she calls me cause a strain in our relationship?

Well, she’s just six anyway. She’ll probably outgrow it, right?

Olugbenga is a Professional Writer focusing on Spirituality and Motivation. He writes actively on Medium Publications. He runs cloakoffire.com, where he writes on spirituality and olugbengawrites.com to offer professional writing services. When he is not writing, he plays house with his wife and two daughters, who all call him Babe.

“We support you.” Those three words were all it took.

I saw my parents at a family party and they knew immediately something was wrong. I told them what was happening—I was going through something particularly difficult in my life—and I tried to act like a big girl that didn’t need her parents’ help. I gave them an update while inside, I was crying big heavy tears. My mom asked me what I was going to do and I said, “I don’t know.” She then told me something that I have hung onto more than anything they have ever said to me or done for me—and it’s been a lot—three words that I will never forget.

“We support you.” That’s all. “We support you and whatever decision you make.” Nothing about my situation had improved, there was nothing my parents could do to help, but at that moment, having their support and knowing they have my back made all the difference in the world.

I recently heard a lecture about “good enough” parenting. I love this concept and it’s my new mantra. Why is it that when our children have problems, we think it’s our problem? Why is it that we blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong? Why do we put this pressure on ourselves that we have to be perfect—or very close to it? Where does this come from?

The answer is we don’t know. The truth is we rarely “know.” Yes, some of the little things we can help with, we can guide, we can advise. But nobody has all the answers and certainly not to all the “bigger kid, bigger problems.”

That’s when we need to tell our kids, “We support you.” That’s when we hold hands, hug, eat a batch of cookies or a carton of ice cream and just listen. Our kids don’t want us to fix it, they just want to know that we are there for them, that we support them, that we have their backs—whether they’re a tantrum-ing three-year-old, or a 23-year-old dealing with the consequences of a bad decision.

We just need to hold them and let them know that their problems are not too big for us, their feelings don’t scare us, they don’t need to go to time out or be afraid to open up to us.

“We support you.”

At the end of the day, that’s all parenting needs to be. Loving our children, being there for them and supporting them. It’s not planning everything so that they are successful, it’s not getting them into the Ivy League or getting them an awesome job. It’s taking care of their basic needs, loving them and just being there.

Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t having the most stellar parenting day. If your kids are alive and breathing asleep in their beds, I call it a win! No helicopters or lawnmowers necessary. Just some face-to-face time! We are good enough.

How do you deal with parenting failures? How did your parents support you or how do you wish they supported you?

 I'm a mom to 2 busy kids and a pediatrician. My blog is about all things mom, doctor and how the two come together. My goal is to help you find your voice while I find mine and help you become your best version while I become mine!

It sounds overwhelming already, I know. Just the thought of returning to school is difficult but now as a parent?!? Whether you are looking to complete a college degree, sharpen your skills, get your Master’s degree or even a PhD, I am here to tell you, from my own experience, it’s possible, even as a parent.

Here are just a few tips on things that have worked for me over the two and a half years. I began my degree with a 5 year old, 3 year old and a newborn. As a full-time working mom to three young boys, I know that it is possible and so worth it.

Remember you can still chase your dreams while chasing your tiny humans.

1. Find the right school. First of all, one positive out of this pandemic is that online learning has become even easier and possibly even less expensive than ever before. My first recommendation is to look into all possible resources for the degree that you want to obtain. You can look into local community colleges, state universities and even all-online universities such as DeVry, Northeastern, and University of Phoenix.

What matters most, is if you are looking for particular credentials or a specific degree (such as an MBA) make sure the school is accredited. It may be less expensive to earn a degree online but it may not be from an accredited institution. The database of postsecondary institutions and programs can be found here. Also, if you are seeking education or skills but not necessarily a degree, one can look into a variety of online resources and credentialing like digital badges or even certificates from places such as Linked In Learning, Khan Academy, edX, Skillshare and Coursera.

Next, is the biggest tip I can give.

2Make the time. If you have decided you want to work toward a degree and invest in your own education, you have to set aside the time. First, think of the things in your week that suck a lot of time out of your day. Examples could be a hobby, social media, your favorite TV show or a book that you are reading, etc. I learned very quickly the time to yourself will need to be replaced with time for school.

Clear out the non-essentials: You may need to shed some responsibilities temporarily such as PTO, your side-gig, or can someone help you carpool? I think exercise is still very important and so I don’t recommend letting that go. Look at your week and see where you have some “time thiefs” and try to scale it back. You may need to plan ahead and ask others in your life to help a little bit here and there with your kids too—cousins, siblings, grandparents, neighbors, etc. A few hours here and there will really help you out to finish a paper or take an exam.

3. Carve out the time. Now that you have thought about shedding some non-essential obligations from your week, decide when you will fit in school. To me, this was very easy to figure out as a parent. Here are some quick suggestions that may work for you: your lunch hour, evenings after the kids go to bed, (or early mornings if you are an early riser), and Sunday afternoons are great for project/group work. Remember, it is valuable to be very intentional with your time. I like to make sure that I am not studying all weekend and letting the boys just watch TV all day. I will say to them, if you play nicely and let Mommy get her homework done, then we can go to the park afterwards. Doing something really fun after study time is rewarding for everyone!

4. Embrace your new normal. Once in school, it may feel like it hits you hard at first. But remember, it won’t be this way for long. I tell everyone I know, just like with anything else that you have accomplished in life, pretty soon it will become part of your new normal. School and class work will be part of your every day and honestly, the quiet hour or two to myself here and there throughout the week feels like a luxury. Your partner or spouse will be a big help in allowing you to set aside class and homework time.

5. Remember to network. This may be harder to do virtually but still very possible to chat during a Zoom class or stay in touch with those in your group for a project. Also, connect with them via LinkedIn. Talk to your friends, family, and colleagues about your educational goals. It isn’t bragging. You need their support and insights! You won’t believe the network you will build or the connections you can make by talking to others about your decision to go back to school. Also, I always recommend staying in contact with your professor during class and even after. They are there for you and are a tremendous resource.

6. Stay motivated! Keep your eyes on the prize. I cannot wait to graduate in May. I am so excited and this helps me to stay motivated when I feel like I can’t stand another minute of an economics or finance lecture. Always remember why you began in the first place and what you plan to get out of your degree—maybe a new job, a promotion, salary raise or a transition into another field. One day at a time, class by class and before you know it, you will be ready to graduate.

Congrats on your decision to push yourself, invest in yourself (and your family!) and think about the good example that you are setting for your children. My kiddos like to join me, watch a few minutes of a lecture and ask me what I am working on. It is very healthy to let them know about your classes and why you have chosen to go back to school. They are part of your journey too!

This post originally appeared on Life, Love & Little Boys blog.

Located in Bloomington, Indiana I am a wife, full-time working Mom to 3 boys, a part-time graduate student & a writer. I am also an optimist, problem solver, peacemaker, gardener, runner and a crazy-busy mom just trying to enjoy each moment. I truly value my friends, family and my mommy tribe.

What’s it like to be a parent? PBS science series NOVA just  premiered a new digital series, Parentalogic, focused on the science behind parenting. The series launched in partnership with PBS Digital Studios and has its own YouTube channel.

Parentalogic is here to help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting from tantrums to fevers to sleepless nights. Co-hosted by Dr. Alok Patel, pediatrician and on-camera medical news expert, and Bethany Van Delft, comedian and mother of two, the episodes address common parenting conundrums with humor and honesty. Packed with useful health and science research, the series is a great resource for science fans and expecting and current parents everywhere.

“Having kids can bring so much joy, but it can also—at moments—cause panic,” says Julia Cort, NOVA Co-Executive Producer. “Together with PBS Digital Studios, we’re delighted to provide parents with some much-needed relief and support. Parentalogic is the perfect opportunity to do what we do best— bring evidence-based clarity to otherwise mystifying challenges.”

The first episode breaks down the science behind tantrums. Dr. Alok Patel discusses the ways children develop control over their emotions, and our best understanding of the brain processes that culminate in what we see as meltdowns. Bethany Van Delft approaches the topic from the perspective of a parent who has experienced firsthand the mayhem of a tantrum. We gain insight into what is going on in a child’s mind when tantrums occur, and get expert advice on how best to handle them.

“We’re very excited to partner with NOVA on this digital series. Parents are juggling more than ever right now, including an infinite amount of information and misinformation available online,” says Brandon Arolfo, Head of PBS Digital Studios. “With Dr. Patel and Bethany Van Delft as trustworthy guides, Parentalogic is timely programming that explores the art and science of modern-day parenting through a very informative, relatable, and entertaining lens

Other episodes in the series will be posted bi-weekly to the Parentalogic YouTube channel. They will aim to tackle the complex and often taboo questions parents are confronted with. How do you decide between breastfeeding, formula, or a combination of both? Where do allergies come from, and does exposure to allergens make a child more or less likely to develop allergies later? Why do fevers happen? How do you know if a child’s bathroom habits are okay?

Parentalogic is proof we can deliver high-quality information about a serious topic in an engaging and lighthearted fashion. I’m thrilled to be working with Bethany, an all-star, Renaissance mom who can dance circles around me when it comes to raising children. This juxtaposition comes across on camera and it’s hilarious,” said Dr. Alok Patel, Parentalogic Co-Host. “This show is a blend of intricate medical physiology, practical knowledge, and humor. It doesn’t feel like a lecture, it feels more like a conversation you could have with someone at a bar—assuming you were talking about poop, sleep training, and vaccines, of course.” 

“Growing up, I was a big fan of NOVA, especially how easily they explained complex science and how they were consistently trustworthy,” said Bethany Van Delft, Parentalogic Co-Host. “I hope Parentalogic helps lessen the chaos and uncertainty of the Internet from parenting by providing science, and clear, evidence-based answers. I also hope it offers parents confidence, a little relief, and some laughs, and sets an example for a respectful relationship between a doctor and a parent.”

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: NOVA

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Dear Confessional,

Let’s face it, the highs and lows of parenting are inevitable. Oftentimes, we are tasked with on-the-spot decision-making that will surely test our character as a parent. Whether you choose to laugh during the awkward and unexpected moments or “stay in character” mid-lecture, there’s no wrong answer.

1. You’ve just spent so much time and effort in preparing a delicious family meal. When your kid sits down to eat it, however, he/she complains that it’s disgusting. After tasting it yourself, you realize that it’s really gross, but still edible. Do you…

A. make your kid eat it anyway because you don’t feel like preparing a new meal?

B. act shocked and disappointed, and then guilt your kid into eating it because your pride is too big?

C. agree that it stinks, make something else, or order a pizza?

D. None of the above.

2. Your kid gets ready for an important school event but the self-selected clothing/hairst‌yle is out of the norm and a bit laughable. Do you…

A. demand a wardrobe change, because there’s no way your kid is leaving the house like that?

B. give options to change elements of your kid’s unique st‌yle to avoid possible teasing?

C. say nothing and hope all goes well, because you don’t want to crush his/her individuality and spirit?

D. None of the above.

3. One last piece of your kid’s favorite treat remains in the pantry, and it’s been staring at you to eat it. Do you…

A. eat it and hope your kid doesn’t notice?

B. resist temptation and leave it because you know your kid will notice?

C. buy a new bunch of treats so that everyone’s happy?

D. None of the above.

4. After an overly long discussion with your kid about a naughty behavior, he/she responds with mind-blowing rationale that stops you in your tracks. Do you…

A. admit that your kid won the argument?

B. disregard your kid’s valid point and continue lecturing because you’ve already invested too much effort?

C. acknowledge the clever point and quickly end your tirade with some kind of lesson?

D. None of the above.

5. You pass terribly foul gas around a group of strangers, and it’s obvious. Do you…

A. laugh and apologize?

B. stay silent and don’t make eye-contact?

C. blame it on your kid to avoid embarrassment?

D. None of the above.

6. Your friend cuddles your baby right after drinking milk, and you then notice the cottage cheese dribble down the back of her shirt… and she doesn’t know it’s there. Do you…

A. tell her and help clean it up?

B. pretend you didn’t notice?

C. apologize and leave as quickly as possible?

D. None of the above.

7. Your child said a curse word, and its as shocking as it is adorable out of that little mouth. Do you…

A. laugh?

B. lecture?

C. ignore?

D. None of the above.

8. You commit the inevitable parenting sin and quickly wipe your kid’s slimy nose with your bare hand, without an available tissue, baby wipe, or carpeted material to smear it on. Do you…

A. attempt to flick it?

B. hold it until you find a proper tissue?

C. wipe it on your clothes?

D. secretly wipe it on the back of your kid’s clothes?

9. Your kid just called you out on being hypocritical in doing the opposite of what you lecture about. Do you…

A. admit your kid’s right and apologize?

B. explain that parents can do what they want?

C. stifle that good argument with a “don’t talk back” response?

D. None of the above.

10. Your kid unintentionally makes a loud and embarrassing comment about a stranger right in front of that person. Do you…

A. respond?

B. apologize?

C. ignore and look away quickly?

D. None of the above.

Enjoy, relate, and share—you may just be surprised how different your partner, family member, or friend may respond. Feel free to add your own pop quiz questions in the comments section below.

With Love,

Ruthi

Photo: Ruthi Davis

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

It has been four years now since my daughter was diagnosed with autism. Over those years, I have conquered so many issues including lack of sleep, hyperactivity, and anger among others.

About three years ago, she started wandering off the home compound. I would panic every time I missed her in the house for more than a few minutes. When I take her to an amusement park, I always have to keep a keen eye on her.

I started researching the issue and realized that wandering affects many children with ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder). I have tried different things and some of them have worked wonderfully for my daughter.

Learn to Identify Triggers

Many triggers made my daughter wander off. If there were nothing of interest in the house or the amusement park, she would wander off until she found something that interested her. She would also walk away from a stressful situation, frightening places, or places with bright lights, loud noises and a lot of commotion.

I now observe her keenly to see when she is stressed or not interested, and ensure she is comfortable. This way, she doesn’t wander off.

Secure the Home

My daughter is seven years but I still have to keep her safe by locking the gate and ensuring there are no openings on our live fence. Even when I feel that she is happy and interested inside the house, I still keep the gate under lock and key. I have an alarm on doors in my house to notify me when my daughter moves in or out of the room.

Use Monitoring and Tracking Devices

I have to be vigilant at all times. My husband feels like I am too much. However, monitoring and tracking devices have helped me more than once locate my daughter in a crowd. My daughter, just like other children with ASD, is not able to communicate her name and address. I use a medical alert device called Mobilehelp and tracking devices to ensure I know where she is at all times.

Tracking devices are simple and she can wear them everywhere. I feel settled knowing whenever my daughter wanders off; I can always track her. I get updates on my phone wherever she goes.

Teach Communication and Behavior Strategies

Though it takes time, my daughter learns with repeated action. Over the years, I have created a routine for her to follow. She loves sameness, just like any other child with ASD, and that has helped me teach her how to calm herself when she feels stressed. There is a teddy bear that she carries everywhere. When she feels stressed, she always takes her teddy bear to play with it.

While she would respond to ‘no’ with tantrums, today she can calm herself when she is told ‘no’. It has not been easy teaching her that she cannot get everything she needs, especially when we are shopping in a store. Because I cannot teach her alone, I liaise with teachers, my husband, and family friends.

Make Sure She Sleeps Enough

Sleeping was an issue when my daughter was first diagnosed with autism. I had noticed patterns of sleeplessness and hyperactivity during the night and I resolved to find a solution for the sleep problem. I established a sleeping routine that involves her getting ready for bed an hour before bedtime. She engages in calming activities such as listening to a story I read her, light massage, or just cuddling her teddy bear. She is accustomed to that routine and she sleeps better.

By sleeping enough during the night, she is less hyperactive during the day and this helps keep her safe from wandering.

Her room is always ready for her—less noise, less light, fewer distractions, and a more comfortable bed with weighted blankets.

I vowed to understand my daughter. It is the best way to keep her safe. Instead of reacting to every situation with a lecture, I learned to anticipate specific behavior for specific situations. Today, I can tell, with near certainty, when she will wander off.

 

 

I'm Annabelle Short, a writer and seamstress of more than five years. I love making crafts with my two children, Leo (age 9) and Michelle (age 11). I split my time between London and Los Angeles and write for Wunderlabel. 

I love sports. Soccer, basketball, track. I love it all. I just have one major hangup: try-outs. As the mom of four athletes, I’ve experienced the highs and lows associated with them. I’ve sat on both sides of varsity success and JV hell from middle school through college. Here are a few things I’ve learned in my parenting journey as a sports mom.

Listen—don’t lecture.

Your child does not need to hear your very insightful tips on making the team. She’s practiced, she’s put in the time, now let her do her thing. Remember, your child feeds off your anxiety so tamp it down—waaaay down.

Show your support.

What does that look like? First, validate what your child is feeling. If he didn’t make the team he wanted to, acknowledge the disappointment. It doesn’t feel good, so say so. Now focus on what he can control: attitude, effort and developing skills.

If she makes the dream team, party it up (for a minute). Your child now has to earn her playing time so keep expectations in check. It’s a rare freshman, for example, who carries a team on her ridiculously talented shoulders and is selected to First Team All Universe on her first outing. Just saying.

Don’t trash talk.

Nothing puts toxic waste in your kiddo’s veins faster than your angry words about the coach, the other players, blah blah blah. Your child needs healthy coping mechanisms and any negativity on your part will kill that opportunity. Don’t be the snark shark.

Stay busy.

Nothing amps your anxiety worse than sitting around, waiting for news, wringing your hands. To manage my own discomfort, I paint. Everyone knows when try-outs roll around because I have a new color in the entry way, the kitchen, the bathroom. And for the love of all that is holy, do NOT go to try-outs and coach your kid from the sideline. I’ve seen that. It’s not pretty.

Cheer them on!

The best advice I ever got was to say only positive things during the game. Go, Tigers! Nice shot, #3. Cheer your kid and every kid on the team. Never talk poorly about someone else’s child. I remember one dad who would outwardly groan when my child was subbed in. Ouch.

Practice patience.

Kids all develop at their own pace. Some superstar fourth graders go on to greatness in high school but some flame out early. The kids who rise to the top may surprise you. Late bloomers may not boast genetic giftedness, but I guarantee, they understand hard work, selflessness and dedication. Qualities that work in life beyond sports, yes?

Always do this after every game.

One final thought: after the game, please don’t pick it a part. Don’t dwell on the ref, the substitutions, the playing time. Simply say, “I love watching you”—even if he was only on the court for 10 minutes. Pick one thing he did well and point it out. “Hey, didn’t you PR?” despite his last place finish. Or, “I loved how you defended against that really fast, really strong forward. Wow! She was a handful.”

Then, turn the radio to her favorite station and shut up. You might be surprised what gems your well supported athlete will share.

I live in Spokane, Washington with my sweet husband of over 30 years, my caboose baby (now 16) and two relentless border collies. I'm a mom of four,  sports freak, interior designer, writer and believer that there's enough Goodness to go around.

One college professor is not only an amazing teacher, he also totally wins for best babysitter ever after carrying his student’s daughter.

Morehouse College math professor Nathan Alexander won the internet’s hearts when an image of him babywearing in one of his classes went viral. It wasn’t his own baby he was wearing, however—it was his student’s baby. As another student, Nick Vaughn, explained in his now-viral Twitter post, Alexander lended a helping hand to a student who was forced to come to class with his baby daughter.

The post quickly received thousands of likes and retweets and Alexander thanked Vaughn for his praise in his own Twitter post. Vaughn then gave more details about the story in a subsequent Facebook post.

“Not only did he teach the entire lecture with the child in his arms but also stayed after class helping those with questions about today’s lecture with the child still in his arms as seen in the pictures,” Vaughn wrote in his post. Several of Alexander’s students commented about their own positive experiences with their professor. Clearly Alexander is a special teacher who has had impressive impact on all of his classes.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Matthew Henry via Burst

 

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During this past summer, nothing would have made my 10-year-old son happier than getting Fortnite, the new video game that’s all the rage these days. Not only did he talk endlessly about the full game, my son constantly asked if I would download the free Fortnite: Battle Royale to our iPad. Since I prefer to limit my kids’ screen time, I wasn’t keen on that idea of dropping $40 or more on the full game.

I admit that when my son first told me about Fortnite, I had no clue what he was talking about. After doing my research and finding out more about the game, I slowly shifted from cluelessness to ambivalence. So what is Fortnite, exactly? You’ve heard about it everywhere, I’m sure.

Fortnite is a multiplayer shooter game that has managed to garner millions of fans, with some estimating that it has racked up to 125 million fans worldwide. There are two versions of the game, the first being Fortnite: Save The World and Fortnite: Battle Royale. When you hear your kids say they’re playing Fortnite, they’re probably enjoying the second version as it is the free-to-play version.

From my understanding, the game is basically like the TV show Survivor, only instead of competing against each other in various challenges, players arm themselves and fight each other until the last player standing is declared the winner.

Reasons for the game’s popularity include the excellent graphics which lend it a well-polished yet cartoony feel and the new features, items and play modes that are constantly released and updated to make the game more fun and interactive. Fortnite is also a cross-platform game so kids can play together regardless of whichever game console they have, be it a PlayStation, Xbox, Nintendo Switch or even on regular smart devices.

To (Let Them) Play—or Not

I’m torn about whether or not I should allow my son to download and play the game. As a parent raising kids in the digital age, I worry about internet addiction and how much time screen time is ideal for my kids, and it seems like Fortnite plays into all of my concerns about having my children online and interacting with strangers of all ages. Also, I would love my son to trade some of his video games for books that excite him just as much, but I very well can’t force him to read.

Additionally, I am worried about the effect video games have on kids and the contradictory messages we are sending, especially to young boys. We lecture them on the hazards of violence, then allow them to play games like Fortnite for hours on end where all they do is find different ways of killing off their opponents. We encourage them to be fierce competitors and win no matter what, but then ask them to play fair.

On the other hand, I like the fact that a game like Fortnite encourages teamwork and cooperation. Also, part of me doesn’t want my kid to be excluded when all his friends are talking about the latest upgrades and the rounds they’ve played together. Besides, the game has parental controls that will allow me to limit the length of my son’s gaming sessions. That way, I can set and enforce screen time limits to encourage him to head outside for some real-life pastimes instead of remaining cooped up indoors.

Ultimately, the decision on whether or not to allow kids to play Fortnite depends on individual parents and what works for one family might not be ideal for another.

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.