Imagine if every time you took the garbage out or loaded the dishwasher someone offered helpful tips on how to do it more efficiently. Now imagine if, after every meal, someone in your family gave a critique of the food and made suggestions for the next meal.

How would you feel? Well, I know how I would feel: deflated, frustrated, and unmotivated.

Without realizing it, this is basically what some parents are doing to their children after every practice or game. As soon as the child leaves the field, Mom or Dad starts in.

Sometimes, it’s friendly tips that are meant to be helpful. Sometimes, it’s more commanding advice, like “Swing with more power” or “Pay more attention to the ball.” Other times, parents just ask so many questions they exhaust their children (who are already tired from the game).

I can tell you with confidence that all children—and I mean all children—hate the questions and constructive criticism. Young athletes start to dread the car ride home because they know they are held captive with nowhere to exit. The analysis of the game and the helpful hints completely suck the fun out of the game.

What’s worse, that fleeting car ride can have a lasting, if unintended, effect.

In my practice as a family coach, I see it time and time again. A child has loved sports for many years. Then all of a sudden, poof, he or she has no interest in ever playing again—and the parents are left scratching their heads.

It’s all too common. Up to 70 percent of youth athletes stop playing the game by age 13, according to a survey conducted by The National Alliance for Youth Sports. The reason? Heartbreakingly, because the game is no longer fun.

Even the most well-intentioned parent can ruin the fun by being overly invested in the outcome of a game or the growth of their player. (And it’s a shame because, besides being fun, playing a sport is shown to improve academic outcomes, lower the risk of alcohol and drug use, reduce unexpected pregnancies, and improve social relationships.)

I know it’s hard not to share what you see from the sidelines. I know parents are just trying to connect with their children. But, more often than not, it’s not working.

The good news? There’s an easy fix. Greet your player when the game is over in one of two ways, and you will revolutionize the way your child feels about being on the team.

Option 1: “I love to watch you play.”

Option 2: “Where should we go for ice cream?”

By telling your child how much you enjoy seeing their effort, win or lose, you are conveying support and reinforcing the joy of the game. I see so many young players immediately looking into the stands to see a parent’s reaction to a goal or a great defensive move. They want—no, they crave—the positive affirmations from their parents.

So, give it to them.

(This also goes for those parents glued to their phones on the sidelines. Look up! You want to be there to catch their eye.)

The more you focus on the joy of watching them—not winning, not technique, not strategy—the more they’ll actually enjoy playing (and, not incidentally, the more likely they’ll actually improve).

Now, ice cream after a game isn’t always necessary. But, win or lose, it sure is nice.

Catherine Pearlman, Ph.D., LCSW, is a therapist, avid youth sports parent, and founder of The Family Coach. This post originally appeared on MOJO.

MOJO is on a mission to make youth sports more fun for everyone — one kid, one coach, one family at a time. 

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States is perhaps most famous for his Gettysburg Address, but did you know he also brought us Thanksgiving? Read on for a few more fun facts about Abraham Lincoln. When you’re done, learn fun facts about George Washington, and don’t forget to check out our round-up of cool spots to visit that teach kids about past presidents of the United States

1. His stovepipe top hat served as more than just a signature look: He used to stash his important documents there.

2. He loved animals and had a cat named Tabby and a dog named Fido. He loved his cat so much that she ate dinner at the White House table.

3. He was born on Feb. 12, 1809, in a one-room log cabin in Kentucky (So in a way, he brought you Lincoln Logs, too). 

4. At 21, he left home and canoed from Macon County, Illinois to New Salem, Illinois.

5. Lincoln’s favorite food was fruit.

6. A fun fact about Abraham Lincoln is that he was a wrestler. Over 12 years, he only lost one match out of 300.

7. Abraham Lincoln is the only U.S. president to ever hold a patent. He invented an inflatable bellows system to help boats navigate in shallow waters.

8. Abraham Lincoln supported the right of women to vote and said so as early as 1836. Women did not gain the right to vote officially until 1920!  

9. Lincoln lost five separate elections before he became President of the U.S. (Never, ever, ever give up!)

10. Apparently, he did not like being called Abe and preferred people to call him Abraham.

11. Lincoln was the first president to be born outside the original 13 colonies.

12. Lincoln and his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, held séances in the White House.

13. At 6’4,” he was the tallest president.

14. Abraham Lincoln never slept in the Lincoln bedroom.

15. On the night of his assassination, General Ulysses S. Grant had been invited to attend the play with Lincoln but declined because his wife did not like Mary Lincoln.

 

The days following Halloween mark a celebration of skeletal proportions: Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead

Celebrated throughout the Americas, Dia de los Muertos originated in Mexico, and kids will recognize the iconic sugar skull as a symbol. Your town or neighborhood may host a celebration, but not everyone knows the meaning behind it. Teach your kids about this uplifting celebration of life with these Day of the Dead facts.

Days & Day of the Dead Facts

day of the dead facts
Amber Guetebier

The Day of the Dead holiday is actually two days, held consecutively: Nov. 1 is marked as a day to honor lost children, as well as any lost or forgotten souls. Nov. 2, Day of the Dead official, honors all lost ancestors and loved ones. The week preceding (and sometimes longer) is spent in preparation for the big night which often culminates in a procession to the town cemetery or a central place where altars have been erected. Families gather together and spend hours making floral arrangements, baking food and sweets for the dead, and decorating. Altars are built at home, on graves, and in many community parks and schoolyards. It's no accident that this all takes place during the time of year when nights grow longer. It is believed that during these two days, the veil between the world of the living and dead is thinner and so it's easier for the dead to arrive. Not unlike the original story behind Halloween.

Day of the Dead Facts: A Dead Man’s Party

day of the dead facts

The idea is not as somber as it may at first sound: in fact, many believe the dead would be insulted by sadness! The tradition of celebrating the life of those who have died is invoked with colorful costumes and masks, parades, parties, and more. At the center of it all is the ofrenda, or offering to the dead. The altars can be simple or elaborate (usually more elaborate) but almost always contain flowers, favorite foods of the dead, including the traditional pan de muerto, photographs, and small relics or objects of the dead (a favorite necklace or pen, for example), sugar skulls and candles.

Here's an interesting Day of the Dead fact: Sugar skulls, in spite of how delicious they look, are generally not consumed (more than one toddler has tried them). Made from a mixture of meringue/powdered egg whites, white sugar, and a little bit of water, they are formed into the shapes of skulls by hand. You can also buy awesome molds (and all the supplies you need, plus great tutorials) here.

How to Make an Ofrenda for Dia de los Muertos

day of the dead facts

You can make your own family altar with the kids. Gather up a picture or pictures of someone you have lost, and place them on a table or shelf. Have the kids help you arrange some flowers, or head out into the yard or a park to find a few things for the offering: acorns, beautiful leaves, and a pretty stone. Make some cookies and leave one for your loved one. Light a candle. It's an easy and beautiful way to remember someone and teach your kids the story behind Day of the Dead.

All photos by the author were taken during Day of the Dead in Michoacán, Mexico. 

These back-to-school school jokes are clean enough for the classroom

Back-to-school season means saying goodbye to summer and getting ready for the next adventure, which typically includes a lot of gear like cool kids’ backpacks and new playground-ready shoes. But don’t forget to pack some funny school jokes in your kids’ back pockets, too! Our collection is filled with hilarious but cute kids’ jokes about school that will bring on belly laughs. Looking for even more giggles? Check out these extra squeaky clean jokes, printable lunchbox jokes, and math jokes. Get ready to LOL.

School Jokes about School Supplies

1. What does your computer do for lunch?

Has a byte!

2. Why do math books always look so sad?

They are full of problems.

3. Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania.

4. What does a book do in the winter?

Puts on a jacket.

5. What did the paper say to the pencil?

Write on!

6. What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?

Looking sharp!

7. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Pencil. 

Pencil who?

Never mind, this is pointless. 

8. Why do calculators make great friends?

You can always count on them!

9. Where did the pencil go for vacation?

To Pennsylvania.

10. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  

The thesaurus.

11. Who is the leader of the school supplies? 

The ruler.

12. Did you know all books in the school library are the same color?

They’re all red.

Related: 30+ Math Jokes for Kids That Add Up to Laughs

School Jokes about Teachers

teacher and students laughing at school jokes on the playground
iStock

 

13. What did the student say to the teacher after they missed the first day of school? 

No, ma’am. I didn’t miss it at all.

14. Why did the kid eat their homework?

Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

15. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?

Because their students were so bright.

16. Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?

Times Square!

17. Why did the teacher jump into the pool?

They wanted to test the water.

18. What would happen if the dean lost their job?

They would lose his “ideanity.”

—Joshua Y.

19. What are 10 things a teacher can always count on? 

Their fingers.

20. What does an English teacher like to eat for breakfast? 

Synonym rolls.

Related: 12 Printable Lunchbox Jokes to Brighten Your Student’s Day

Kids’ Jokes about School

little boy laughing at school jokes for kids
iStock

 

21. Why isn’t there a clock in the library?

Because it tocks too much.

22. What did the buffalo say at drop off?

Bison.

23. How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

24. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because they wanted to go to high school.

25. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

26. What should you grow in a school garden?

Human beans!

27. Why do magicians always do so well at school?

They can handle trick questions.

28. Where do surfers go to school?

Boarding school.

29. What is the smartest insect?

A spelling bee.

30. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they keep getting lost at C.

31. Why did the girl do her homework on an airplane?

To achieve a higher education.

32. Why didn’t the fish go on vacation?

Because they were always in school.

33. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

34. What did the spider make online?

A website!

35. What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

36. What school requires you to drop out in order to graduate?

Sky diving school.

37. What contest do skunks win at school?

The smelling bee!

38. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?

It’s not right.

39. What does a snake learn in school?

Hisssss-tory.

Related: 40+ Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes for Kids

We were late again.

The daily morning chaos had unfurled in all its glory: Oldest Child was refusing to eat breakfast (this time because of a newly erupted canker sore); Middle Child was lackadaisically searching the house for his shoes, which would inevitably be found a full five minutes later right by the door. Youngest Child, always barefoot, was insisting we find her Aurora doll before we leave.

And there I was, just willing them to hurry up, like usual. Standing against the doorway holding three backpacks, three winter coats, and a pair of toddler boots, I waited.

“We’re going to be late!” I called.

“Come on!” I yelled.

“Let’s go!” I insisted.

Eventually, the three of them ambled downstairs and shuffled out the door, the two older boys bickering with each other about something I didn’t have the patience to decipher. And when Middle Child whimpered something about being late, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “It is what it is. Next time we’ll do it differently.”

And we will. Because as of that moment, I decided that I’m done rushing my kids around.

At least, I’m going to try. Because what good does it do? Sure, in this instance, we might have made it to school on time. But isn’t it better to just accept that we’re late and face the inevitable consequences (in this case, a tardy slip and an embarrassing solo walk into the classroom)? Isn’t the best solution to figure out a way to get them out the door earlier? To leave room for dawdling because, well, that’s just what kids do?

Experts agree. In this Psychology Today article by Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, she says that rushing our children “interrupts their developmental work of exploring the world, so they lose their curiosity.” She also says that hurrying kids from one place to another can “habituate them to busyness.”

In other words, they’ll be bored with life at a regular pace. Furthermore, rushing them can also cause anxiety. They’re human after all, and always feeling like you’re going to be late is stressful for anyone, big or little.

Kids don’t rush. They probably don’t get why we grownups always do. For a kid, walking to school is a time to explore (even if you’re late). Leaving the playground is still, after all, time at a playground (even if Mom is ready to go). Getting in and out of the car is a time to dawdle (even if it makes Mom crazy). Simply: life is for living.

It’s us grownups who have it wrong.

Last week my three-year-old threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t let her stop and visit our next-door neighbor when we pulled into our driveway at the end of the day. And yesterday she wanted me to chase a woman halfway down our block because she wanted to pet her doggie. I said no both times because I just wanted to go inside and put everything down (the backpacks, half-eaten snacks, and trash that I’m always fishing out of the car at the end of the day). Meanwhile, if we had done it her way, we would have strengthened our friendships with the neighbors and maybe made a new friend.

Today, I tried it differently. On the last few blocks of our way to school, I let my daughter get out of the stroller. It sounds like it shouldn’t be a big deal, but we’ve got a mile-long walk to school—if she walked it, we’d have to leave at sunrise.

At first, she held my hand, and we walked together. This is nice, I thought. I can do this. Then, she broke free. She leaped onto the grass. She hopped atop a low garden wall and walked, balance-beam-st‌yle, the whole length of it, her arms stretched out like a poised gymnast. She stopped to pick flowers, handing me one and saying, “Mommy, will you marry me?” (because she thinks that’s what people do when they get married). In short, she did what kids are supposed to do, which is to simply delight in the world.

And even amid the adorableness of it all, even while I knew that this was the right way to mother her, I felt my bubbling impatience, my desire to hurry. But I held it in. I tried to be there with her because she deserved to enjoy every inch of that walk. Every moment.

This isn’t all to say it’s okay to let our kids be irresponsible or that it’s okay to be late to school. But we parents need to give them more time to get there. More time to find their shoes, pick flowers, tie their own laces, or zip their own jackets so we don’t get frustrated and take those learning experiences from them.

“Rushing costs us,” Markham says on her blog. “It stresses us out, so we enjoy our children less. It makes us less patient, so it’s hard to feel good about our parenting.” So how do we do it? Here are six things I’m going to try:

Leave more time for transitions

Leave for school or activities at least 15 minutes early to give kids the ability to take their time.

Make park dates longer

Try to make your playground visits last. If we only block out a half-hour for a playground visit, our kids will probably be resistant to leave (and we’ll end up frustrated). Stay longer, so kids are ready to go when it’s time.

Shift the evening schedule earlier

This one is going to be hard for us because our evenings with three little ones are pure chaos. But I figure if we have dinner at 5 p.m., we can get our kids to bed by 6:30 or 7 p.m., which will give them an hour or two to read or play in their rooms before lights out (and before I totally lose it).

Find time for quiet

Teach kids the value of slowing down by planning time for quiet moments. Go watch the sunset. Color in silence. Lay on the grass and look at the clouds. Sometimes, it’s those silent moments that speak the loudest.

Take leisurely walks

You’d be surprised how much fun kids can have just walking around the block. Let them explore. Let them linger. Smell flowers. Play in the leaves. Let them enjoy the world around them and try to suppress any desire to say, “Come on” or “We have to go.” See how long it takes them to move on naturally.

Be in the moment with them

In those moments when it’s hard to wait, try to stop and see what your children are seeing. Try to find the fun where they find it. Maybe—if we’re lucky—we can learn a little something.

Melissa Heckscher is a writer and mother of three living in Los Angeles. She is a former staff writer for the Los Angeles Newspaper Group and the author of several books, including,The Pregnancy Test: 150 Important, Embarrassing, and Slightly Neurotic Questions (Quirk Books, 2011). 

Bring your family to one of these authentic corn mazes in and around Washington, DC

Corn mazes are a great fall tradition, and if you haven’t experienced one yet, it’s time to get lost in a field as a family! From a toddler-friendly straw bale maze at Greenstreet Gardens to a hard-core, no-map maze at Liberty Mills Farm, there is a corn maze to meet most family’s skill level on this list. So, if you’ve already brought home bushels of apples and picked your pumpkins, it’s time to tackle the obvious next stage of fall fun and find yourself in one of our favorite corn fields to explore near Washington, DC.

Wayside Farm
Located directly off Route 7, this 10-acre corn maze traditionally has an easy path and a hard path, and past years have seen aerial shots depicting Sonic the Hedgehog and SpongeBob SquarePants. Nestled in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, this farm also offers hayrides, pig races, slides, and playgrounds. In addition to providing its fair share of entertainment, this working farm grows the prettiest pumpkin varieties in the area on their expansive u-pick pumpkin patch.

5273 Harry Byrd Hwy.
Berryville, VA
Online: waysidefarmfun.com

Summers Farm
Billed as one of the largest corn mazes in the country, this farm attraction includes 2.5 miles of paths and secret challenges. You'll also find a pumpkin patch, giant slides, hayrides, and more at this Maryland farm. From Sep. 30 through Oct. 29, weekends feature firework displays starting at 7:30 p.m., weather permitting. Make the night complete with a campfire rental (Fri.-Sun. only). All tickets are strongly encouraged to be purchased online in advance to guarantee admission.

5620 Butterfly Ln.
Frederick,
MD
Online: summersfarm.com

Related: Carve Out Some Fun With Pick-Your-Own Pumpkin Patches

Liberty Mills Farm
For the most dedicated of puzzle people, the largest corn maze in the country—a whopping 33 acres—is two hours outside of DC in Somerset, VA. And for hard core sleuths, the most challenging trail has no map! Sound daunting? There are three other trails to choose from, ranging from one that takes roughly 30 minutes to complete to another that spans two hours! After all that walking (and, no doubt, getting lost), take some time to pick a pumpkin and check out the antique tractor collection.

9166 Liberty Mills Rd.
Somerset, VA

Online: libertymillsfarm.com

Greenstreet Gardens' Fall Festival
At only five acres, this “cozy” corn maze is one of the smallest around, making it a winner for families with little ones barely taller than a stalk of corn. Think of it as “maze lite”—perfect for those prone to meltdowns or needing a quick exit strategy. There’s also a Straw Bale Maze ideal if your little one would like to see over the hedge. While you’re visiting, check out the rest of the 55-acre Lothian farm (east of Upper Marlboro), with lots of fall festival activities involving pumpkins, an underground slide, a jumping pillow, and more.

391 W. Bay Front Rd.
Lothian,
MD
Online: greenstreetgardens.com

Winterbrook Farms
Come check out Maryland's largest corn maze, which features three corn mazes with a combined total of five miles of fun! Last year's theme, "Save the Family Farm," was an a-mazing adventure, and fans will have fun zipping through trails covering more than 12 acres at Winterbrook Farms this season, too. If you can fit more in, check out some of the farm’s 20 other fam-friendly features, including an apple canon, mini zipline, a pedal-cart speedway, and more. Pro tip for parents waiting upwards of several hours for kids to make their way through the maze? Cozy up with a campfire rental, available by reservation until 6 p.m. 

13001 Creagerstown Rd.
Thurmont,
MD
Online: winterbrookfarms.com

Belvedere Plantation
Here you’ll find eight acres of twists and turns and even a few bridges to keep you disoriented in the Maize Maze.
There’s also plenty more to do at Belvedere’s Fall Festival, including hay rides, pedal tractors, and pig races. If you want to add pumpkin picking to the mix, this farm also offers pumpkin painting and "punkin plunkin'" activities, too.

1410 Belvedere Dr.
Fredericksburg, VA
Online: belvedereplantation.com

Related: Frightfully Fun Halloween Games They’ll Talk About All Year

Montpelier Farms
The seven-acre interactive corn maze at Montpelier Farms is free with admission, but only open on weekends. For a less crowded, tot-friendly experience, check out “Spookley The Square Pumpkin” maze on a weekday (this mini maze is also open on weekends). Afterwards, attend a scarecrow making workshop for an additional fee or hit up the duck races, pumpkin painting tables, hay rides, and more.

1720 Crain Hwy. North
Upper Marlboro,
MD
Online: montpelierfarms.com

 

 

 

These local costume shops are perfect for outfitting your little ones this Halloween—and beyond

It’s time for your family to begin pondering one of life’s big questions: what should we be for Halloween?! And, these days, it’s not enough to come up with a one-night-only disguise for Halloween trick-or-treating. All October, dozens of family-friendly Halloween events promise to get kids into the spooky spirit, with costumes highly encouraged. Thankfully, we have you covered with some of our favorite local storefronts and pop-up places to shop for costumes, accessories, and festive décor. Whatever your family needs to complete their costumes, keep the Halloween spirit alive with the help of these shops—many of which are open year-round and can help you with many a theme-party looks!—in both the city and the ‘burbs.

For a Vintage Vibe: Lost Eras
The cool speakeasy of costume shops, Lost Eras is a hidden gem with a throwback twist. It houses a showroom full of vintage and antique collectibles, and is known for renting props and costumes to theater and movie sets (Ferris Bueller’s Day OffThe Untouchables, and Public Enemies—yep, Robert De Niro wore their clothes!). At Halloween, they add to their stock and go gangbusters. If you’re looking for funky décorHalloween or otherwiseLost Eras has a lot to choose from.

1511 W. Howard St.
Rogers Park
Online: losteras.com

Related: Our Ultimate Guide to Chicago-Area Pumpkin Patches

For Treasure Hunting: Chicago Costume Company
Don't let its small facade deceive you: Chicago Costume is crammed to the rafters with costumes, makeup, accessories and anything else you need to transform your look. Kiddies will go bananas for the selection of Disney, Star Wars, superhero, and comic book-themed costumes. This is one of just a handful of year-round costume shops so don’t panic when your little superhero needs a new costume in January. Too busy to shop in the store? Purchase online and have your costume shipped to you or pick it up for free at one of their two Chicago locations.

1120 W. Fullerton
Lincoln Park

4727 W. Montrose St.
Portage Park

Online: chicagocostume.com

For a Spooky Setting: Halloween Hallway
Known for its robust selection of adult costumes since it was founded in 2007, Halloween Hallway also caters to kids with four Chicago locations (River North, Wicker Park, Downtown, Lincoln Park) that are open during Halloween season only. We love the overabundance of accessories. They take decorating seriously and some of the décor (zombies, vampires and other things that go bump in the night) might be a little scary for little ones—yet super-duper cool for big kids!

Multiple locations
Online: 
halloweenhallway.com

Related: Field Day! Local Chicago Corn Mazes to Get Lost In

For the Procrastinator or Late-Night Shopper: Fantasy Costumes
This year-round costume headquarters is a Chicago classic and known for helpful service. So helpful, in fact, that for the last few days before Halloween, they stay open 24 hours a day to satisfy all those last-minute, eleventh-hour switcheroos that parents love so much. Kids will love the Fortnite costume selection—and with so many adult costumes, your whole family can dress up together! Fantasy Costumes goes above and beyond in the accessories department, so expect to find an enormous selection of makeup, wigs, masquerade masks, and other do-dads to complete the transformation.

4065 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Portage Park
Online: fantasycostumes.com

 

For Kids, Pumpkins & Pets: Spirit Halloween
North, south, east, west—no matter where you turn, Spirit is like your friendly-ghost neighbor. With costumes for everyone (including pets!), a dedicated pumpkin carving area, and a "glow" section of accessories that will last well beyond Halloween, you'll find everything you need here. Because many locations are seasonal brick-and-mortar stores, open only during the holiday time, check their site for up-to-date locations. 

Multiple locations
Online: spirithalloween.com

Dear Mom Who Is Totally Screwing Up,

Today my six-year-old daughter screamed the whole way home because I would not buy her a pottery wheel. Today I lost my patience. I will lose my patience again tomorrow.

I sometimes clean up her messes, because I can’t deal with the potential meltdown or maintain the calm presence required to walk her through how to clean it on her own.

I let her watch kids’ shows with obnoxious characters who whine a lot and lack depth.

I tune her out after hours of nonstop talking. Lord knows what I have given her permission to do when answering with a vague, “Yeah, sure.”

Yesterday she informed me that she hates quesadillas, one of the five or so foods she has always willingly consumed. Eat chicken nuggets then. Whatever.

I catch myself whining at her in the same voice that enrages me when it comes from her mouth. I am failing by example.

I’ve read the articles; I know the current “rules” of being a great mother. I think most of those carefully curated “shoulds” were written by liars and people who have never been around children. At best, they are hopeful ideals.

I gave in to the tantrum because my brain was so loud, and it was the only way to filter out some of the noise.

I am not teaching her enough about empathy and equity and racism and compassion and feminism and and and…

I said it was time to go! Get your shoes on right now!

Kids need rules and structure and patience. Those things do not play well together. Probably because their mothers failed them.

I played on my phone. I played on my phone because I needed to escape, and if you just leave your kid at the park, people call CPS.

In a minute, I’m busy right now.

I’m busy not volunteering at school. Not reading enough books to her. Not not not.

Inside my head, there is a version of me sitting with my head between my knees and my hands over my ears. Inside my head, there’s a version of my kids tapping me on the shoulder, repeating, “Mommy, watch this. Mom. Mommy. Mom.” Because of course.

But I do know this. At the end of the day, she asks to cuddle. She shares her dinnertime candy with me because she “likes to do nice things for people.” She talks about the fun things I actually mustered up the energy to do, not as a way of saying how much better I could be, but as a way of saying how much “enough” I am. She sometimes mimics my worst but also mimics my best.

So maybe there is hope. Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe there is always tomorrow.

Dear Mom Who Is Totally Screwing Up, I wish this could be one of those uplifting messages about how you’re really not. But maybe you are. How the hell would I know? All I have to offer you is solidarity and a glass of wine.

Maybe maybe will have to be enough.

Originally published Sept. 2016.

RELATED LINKS
An Open Letter to the “Lazy” Mother in the Grocery Store
Why You Should Fight the Urge to Make a Happy Kid Happier
I Am a Pandemic Mother

Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter.

I am thinking about you today.

I want you to know that everything you do matters.

When you crawl into bed at night, aching from your temples to your toes, know that you have done enough. There may have been no progress made with toileting, feeding therapy or communication today and that is okay.

Your child is safe and so loved.

The weight of hectic schedules, parent trainings, OT, PT and visits with every other MD in-between can feel suffocating.

The research, the meltdowns, the battles over chicken nugget brands and clothing choices, all can withdraw every ounce of patience from your soul.

The smeared feces, the eloping, the pica and other behaviors you watched your friend’s toddlers outgrow. Years later, they remain in your child.

Most days are exhausting and thankless and I want you to know that your child appreciates you, they need you, and they love you beyond measure.

You need to know that.

Your child may not be able to express this, some of you may have never even heard your child call you “Mom.”

But they know you are Mom.

Your child is so grateful for all that you do and would be lost without you. Just as you would be lost without your sweet child.

I want you to know that you are not alone.

When your patience has been depleted.

When you’ve cried behind your sunglasses at a park as you watched your child’s differences come to light.

The loneliness you have felt from the long days spent with a child unable to read your emotions.

The difficult medical and educational decisions you struggle to make.

Know that there are so many of us with you.

We have felt the lows and celebrated the victories, too. We know the fear and the worry you wrestle with daily, and the immense pride you feel over the slightest progress.

I want you to find hope.

Today let’s bask in achievements and forget about regressions.

Even if only for one day.

Let your hope be stronger than your fears. With so many unknowns in the future, know that it’s going to get better.

I know this because we will grow stronger.

We will continue to learn, to advocate, to protect and make certain our children know their worth and just how very much they are loved.

I am so thankful for this sisterhood of amazing mothers today and every day.

Have a very Happy Mother’s Day.

This post originally appeared on Wilsonsclimb.com.

Lauren is a proud mom of two adorable kids, her son Wilson and daughter Charlie. She is constantly learning from her children and loves to share their adventures from the world of autism on wilsonsclimb.com.  Lauren shares her son's journey as one small piece in helping to spread autism awareness around the world.  

Five years ago I became a teacher; five years ago I also became the mother to a son in heaven. On August 12th, 2016, I came home from my first new teacher workday. It was exhilarating and exciting, and for the first time in a long time, I knew I was exactly where I should be. I had no idea that a few short hours later, I’d find myself in the hospital in preterm labor with our first child. That same day, we lost our son Jaxon at only 21 weeks.

I found myself wondering how on earth I was going to go back into that classroom and teach a room full of 28 kids when I had just lost my own. Nevertheless, I did it only four short days later. And now, looking back, I know that that choice completely changed my life. I knew that was exactly where I was meant to be.

Fast forward to April 2, 2017, I found myself in the same space. In preterm labor, this time with twin boys. That day, we lost our boys Everett and Bryant. Again, nearly immediately after, I threw myself back into my work. Now here we were, struggling with what to do next. We wanted to be parents more than anything, and we knew we had so much love to give. So in January 2018, after 7 long months of bed rest, we welcomed our angel on earth, Maddox. And we were smitten.

Being a teacher is often a double-edged sword. You’re educated on child development just enough to be hypercritical of not only your work but also the work within your own home, with your own kids. Maddox was a spitfire from the day he was born. So independent, but so kind-hearted and eager to explore the world. I can also tell you down to the minute when I realized that something wasn’t right.

I was sitting in the viewing area at his very first swim lesson. I had convinced my husband to get in the pool with him (more like I lost at rock, paper, scissors), so I struck up a conversation with the mom sitting next to me. Her daughter was in Maddox’s class, and we had discovered that they were only a few days apart. Maddox nearly doubled her in size, but she had something Maddox didn’t; eye contact, pointing, talking to her mom, waving, blowing kisses. She had effortless interaction, and meaningful engagement. There we sat behind the glass, her receiving waves and kisses, and me desperately trying to have Maddox even look at me.

That’s when I knew.

We are blessed with the most incredible pediatrician, turned family friend, and within minutes of this realization, I had sent her a text message.

“I think Maddox has autism.”

Although no one around me was on board at the time, they supported me, and they listened, and I could never put into words how grateful I am for that.

The following month, Maddox turned 18 months old. We had speech evaluations, occupational therapy evaluations, and physical therapy evaluations. It was determined that my 18-month-old was currently communicating at the level of a 3-to-6-month-old. His repetition had also worried them to the point of needing weekly occupational therapy sessions, as well as speech.

The next few months were a blur, I never stopped. I googled, I tried finding Facebook groups, anything I could do to find even a glimmer of hope. And that’s where this journey of autism becomes lonely. Before this, I had no idea how broad this spectrum truly is. No two journeys are the same, and there is no one-size-fits-all description.

This past winter, we had Maddox’s first preschool evaluation to have his IEP written. Even though I had gone through the diagnosis and all the therapies, and all of the sleepless nights I spent worrying, this was the hardest for me.

For the first time, I was on the other side of the table.

I suddenly found myself trying to flip the switch from teacher to mom. I wasn’t advocating for accommodations for my students anymore, I was doing it for my own child. And although I had always had the greatest empathy for the parents of my IEP students, this was different. Now, we had something even greater in common. In that moment, I came to understand them better than ever. I understood why they were so passionate, sometimes to a fault, about making their child’s educational experience the best it could possibly be.

I can’t tell you how scary it is to send your 3-year old into a building with adults that you don’t know and who don’t know you. But I can tell you that it’s even scarier when your child can’t talk to you about their day, and they can’t communicate with you in the same way that typically occurs at their age.

Maddox’s diagnosis may have turned our world upside down, but now we fight every single day to turn the world right-side-up for him.

And although I had grown used to being the teacher at that table, I was now fighting to become comfortable and aware of my new place, on the other side of the table.

 

This post originally appeared on Finding Cooper’s Voice.

My name is Jordan Lamping and I am the mother of an amazing three year old son named Maddox, who was diagnosed with autism just over a year ago. I'm also a teacher, and the creator of The Other Side of the Table blog.