Dear Day Camp, Hi. I want to say right off the bat that we are cool. I like and need you. Because you take my complicated, sensitive kid every day, and then she comes home later, and she did things, and she was safe and happy. You must be doing something right.

But I have a request. Please, please be a true partner to working parents and stop with the crazy hat days. Or, more realistically, go crazy with crazy hat days and any other silly accessories—I’ll even donate that questionable furry purple stole thing that keeps falling on me when I try to get stuff out of the top of my closet—but please don’t make it another to-do for me.

Because no matter how many e-mail reminders you send during the days leading up to these cute spirit activities, it is a mathematical certainty that some of us just won’t be able to get it done and our children will be left out, wondering why their parents overlooked them. For all the articles about the invisible mental load, this one is not invisible at all, and it needs to be addressed.

Crazy hat day is “hey, let’s see if moms can handle another thing” day. Well, today I couldn’t. And I don’t need to see the sad photos to know that many other moms (and dads) couldn’t, either.

Today wasn’t a surprise. I knew crazy hat day was today. At least three days ago, I saw the e-mail pop up as I was responding to the latest midday text from a caregiver in between meetings at work, asking about someone’s eczema cream or where the velcro shoes were. I knew somewhere in my brain that my 5-year-old would go to camp today, and if she didn’t have a crazy hat packed in her bag, she would arrive and feel slighted and left out when all the other kids produced their lovingly packed crazy hats. And I still couldn’t get it done.

Not because I didn’t want to. But because my brain, and my partner’s brain, simply ran out of RAM to keep it on the to-do list. Or maybe we simply ran out of time. As two practicing attorneys with two children, every single day is an exercise in triage, all day, at work and at home. It is difficult to even find the time to register for camp—which we rely on as a critical piece of our childcare in the summer months.

And then to get the health records in. And label the clothes. And find a way to ensure that no one goes into camp without sunblock on. None of these tasks, individually, seems too daunting. But for parents who work literally around the clock, they are collectively oppressive. We get them done (just barely and only because my husband is aces) because if you want camp, you get the vaccine records in—that is non-negotiable for safety. No issue there.

But what about all the extra stuff. Why is that on me/us? (I am lucky, I think, that my partner even feels responsible for these extra assignments—I suspect most mothers are on their own. There’s definitely data on that.)

The point is, we pay good money to have our children loved and safely cared for during the day. And then we do all the things to make sure they can attend. And then we set up the system for the various supplies and accouterments to go with them in the camp routine and for someone to be home when they get off the bus and all that jazz.

Is it too much to ask not to be handed nearly daily extra assignments that are ultimately just more opportunities for us to drop the ball? Because we will. I will.

Sure, I could have spent some of the two whole hours I had free on Sunday locating or shopping for a “crazy” hat. But those are the only two hours I had to actually spend time with my babies whom I love and try hard not to disappoint when I can avoid it. I chose to use that time to bathe them, make them terrible grilled cheese (you use butter on the inside and outside, right?), and do bedtime with them—which is only even an option for me two days per week.

However, in choosing to spend the time that way, I was also, subconsciously, making a choice to screw my kid at camp today. And that just sucks.

Unfortunately, disappointing my children is part and parcel of my existence as a working mother. I often have to do other things when they want (and need) my attention and love. Work things. Things that are necessary for our livelihood.

But it doesn’t make sense that I am paying others to manufacture more opportunities for disappointments. I have gotten very good at letting my children down all on my own—and for free. I want—no, I need—the others in the village I have constructed to help me rear my children to minimize those opportunities for sadness and let-downs, not add to them.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not down on camp. I loved it as a child, and I get why they do all these fun spirit things. My kids are enjoying their experiences at camp, and I am sincerely grateful for the peace of mind it affords me to know that my kids are safe and happy when I cannot be with them because we have a mortgage.

But few things are as crushing to a mother, who is killing herself to pay the bills and also find some time to actually sit with her children and love them in person, as seeing a photo of her daughter watching quietly from the side while the other kids revel in front of the camera with their crazy hats.

When I saw it posted on social media, I wanted to run out of my office and drive to camp and hug her and explain to her that she isn’t an oversight. That I don’t not care about sending her to camp with the right stuff. I care so much.

Please, camp. Help me not fail at this one. I’m not asking you to cancel crazy hat day or whatever other crazy days are coming up that require supplies. It looks like great fun for the kids whose mothers (and fathers) managed to get it together.

But I am asking you to understand that I got home after 1 a.m. last night, and I didn’t see my children this morning, either. And under the current setup, I simply don’t stand a chance.

My household cannot take on any more things, and we need you to be a real partner in our children’s happiness, not working against us (knowingly or not).

And if that means we pay a little more for camp and you take that cash and send out a counselor to buy whatever colored shirts or armbands you need to stick in a closet somewhere so that I never have to see that look on my daughter’s face in a camp photo again, I will gladly do so.

I’ll make the same plea to my kids’ teachers in September, too. I’m happy to contribute extra up front—I hereby authorize you to spend all of it on trips and party snacks to avoid breaking my child’s soul and my heart at 2 p.m. on a random Tuesday.

Also, while I’m focused on this. Please put me down now for all of the 8:15 p.m. parent-teacher conference slots and know that Grandma is coming to all the parties at 11:15 a.m. Sounds funny but she’s really coming to all of those. I may not even meet you this year. And not because I don’t want to.

💔

The full version of this post was originally published on @mamasaidf.

Sara is an attorney and mother of two (plus one shorthair) in New York.

Shopping at Costco can be a bit of an adventure––you never know what kind of treasure you may find. While we can’t get enough of the bulk paper products, oversized bags of cheese and furniture choices, the warehouse retailer also sells some interesting and expensive items you may not know about. Keep scrolling to see our roundup of some of the more ridiculous things you can check out on your next Costco run.

Mario Andretti Signed 1969 Camaro Pool Table

For the game room, how about this unique pool table? Signed by the legendary car driver, it's got real rims, tires and working lights, and can be yours for only $19,999. There's even a white glove delivery service included! 

Mountain House 1-Year Food Storage

You never know when disaster will strike, but Costco has you covered. For the bargain price of $5,000, you can outfit your home with 3,986 total servings of food to get you through whatever comes your way. With 220 cans that cover entrees for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks and a shelf life of up to 30 years, that zombie apocalypse's got nothing on you.

D’Artagnan Premium Locker Pack of Sustainable Meats 41 lbs.

While the idea of having enough chicken, steak and pork to last a year seems like good planning, we're not even sure who would have the freezer space to store 41 lbs. of meat! If you do, it'll only cost you $499.99 to have this delivered to your door. 

Kirkland Signature Whole Wheel Parmigiano Reggiano, 72 lbs

Cheese lover? This 72 lb. Kirkland Signature Whole Wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano is for you! Imported from Italy, the 24-month aged cheese is actually quite a steal at $12.50 per pound. The beautiful rind make it a great gift or wedding appetizer!

Wine Enthusiast 600 Bottle Classic LX Double Wine Cellar

Don't have your own wine cellar? No problem! Costco stocks the Wine Enthusiast 300 which holds––you guessed it––300 of your fave vino bottles! The compressor-cooled fridge comes with Vino View so you can proudly display those fancy labels and a surprisingly affordable price tag of $1,899.99

Round Brilliant 10.03 ct Diamond Platinum Solitaire Ring

Show how much you care by picking up a stunning diamond platinum solitaire ring on your next Costco run. This 10 carat, near colorless diamond has a VS1 rating and a gorgeous platinum band. Act fast––there's only one available and at $420,000 you don't know when this ring will be gone forever.

Urns & Caskets

Costco is all about putting affordable products at your fingertips so it's no surprise they stock a line of urns and caskets. Plan ahead or order in a pinch, most of the products for funeral needs are under $1,000 and make the details of a difficult time a little easier.

A Mortgage

Alturas Homes via Pexels

Looking to buy a home or refinance? Check with Costco before you do! Members can take advantage of the warehouse's Mortgage Program where up to four lenders will communicate with you on available loans. Costco also offers Veteran options, too!

Almost Heaven Fayette 6-person Steam Sauna

Stop wasting money on a gym membership and just buy your own 6-person sauna the next time you head to Costco. The Almost Heaven Steam Sauna ($4,700) is a sound investment that heats in 30-60 minutes up to 190°F. The outdoor designed product is made with thick cedar, comes with two long benches, backlighting and is "easy" to install in just 4-5 hours.

Osaki OS-4D Pro Maestro Massage Chair

Forget expensive spa memberships when you can come home to a great massage in your $3500 Osaki Massage Chair. The in-home treatment features Bluetooth speakers, touchscreen remote, 3D heated rollers, and knee kneading, toe, foot and ankle air massage.

Gorilla Playsets Wilderness Retreat II Playset

We are all about kids having fun, and if you're ready to fork over the $4,000 it takes to play on the Gorilla Playsets Wilderness Retreat II Playset then more power to you! Your backyard will be the talk of the town with the unit's two play decks, three slides, two swing stations, one ring station, rock-climbing wall, fort and picnic table, phew! And don't worry––installation is included.

 

––Karly Wood with Gabby Cullen

All photos: Courtesy of Costco

Featured image: iStock 

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Photo: Jennifer Lightner

We have a photo wall in my house of black and white pictures from different important stages of our lives. I love the pictures, I love how the wall looks, and I stare at it often. Sometimes I take a moment to really look at it, not just fly by. I usually just look at the kids, but the other day I stared at my face in each picture.

I have no idea what prompted me to do that (I hate looking at myself in general, let alone analyzing a photo of myself) but each face—my face—told a story.

In my wedding photo, I was ecstatic. It was hands down the best day of my life. The picture is of me with my husband during our first dance. I’m beaming with a smile ear to ear…I’m truly happy. We had no time to choreograph our dance, we were barely in the same city, let alone the same room before we got married. But I didn’t care how lame we looked just holding each other and swaying like teenagers—I was married to the love of my life and I was the happiest girl in the world.

The next photo is of my son, exactly seven days after he was born at his Bris (a religious ceremony—and probably the most stressful life event for a new Jewish mom). In the picture, my husband and I were holding him and kissing the top of his head. I looked terrified, my face a complete look of self doubt and uncertainty. Am I holding him too tight, too loose, is he okay, will he be okay, what happens if he cries, what happens if he doesn’t cry, is he too hot, too cold? I literally worried about everything and felt responsible for every single emotion of his—and I was certain I was going to mess it all up.

The next pictures were taken two weeks after my daughter was born. My son was 2 and-a-half years old. My husband and I had a house, a mortgage and two kids. I felt like a real grownup. We could actually afford a fancy studio photographer and fancy birth announcements. I now had two little people counting on me…and I was…exhausted.

In this particular picture of the four of us, I looked impatient. I looked like I had a fake smile and I remember thinking, please everyone just look at the freakin’ camera…just one decent picture. Hoping my naked baby does not poop on me. Hoping my son doesn’t tantrum and refuse to be in a picture, hoping we can get the perfect birth announcement… Thinking: just keep it together people!

Looking back at all these photos, I thought what I would tell my past self, knowing what I know now.

Dear Wedding Day Me,

Remember this day and this feeling forever! The love you have will literally carry you through some dark times. You will be challenged, beyond the point you think you can endure and you will doubt yourself…a lot. Some days will feel like it’s too hard to keep going.

You will walk through fire, sometimes alone, sometimes with your husband by your side, sometimes him holding you and sometimes you holding him. But you will come out the other side holding each other and completely in love! You are stronger than you think.

Dear New Mom Me,

You have so many doubts, everything in you is unsure and worried. That’s okay. Your son doesn’t see any of that. He doesn’t care if you nurse him or give him a bottle. He knows you love him with all your heart and he loves you right back.

You’re his rock, the one he comes to when things go wrong. Tou figure sh-t out and tell him it will be okay. And he believes you ’cause you’re mom. You got this, and…You are stronger than you think.

Dear Veteran Mom Me,

The next couple of years will be tough. You’ll feel like you will never have your stuff together…again…or ever! Your kids will get hurt and you will feel like the worst mom ever. Sh-t gets real. But things get better. They always get better. You’ll walk through fire again…and again…and again—but you get through it, stronger every time.

You will meet many guardian angels throughout the way, in many different forms: just be open to it, to all of it.

Life is messy and unpredictable and so hard for your Type A personality—but you gotta let it go girl! Just let it go and enjoy these fleeting moments. They don’t last. Be present and don’t worry about the perfect picture, because it’s the memory behind the picture that is so much sweeter and better.

And never forget: you will always be stronger then you think.

 I'm a mom to 2 busy kids and a pediatrician. My blog is about all things mom, doctor and how the two come together. My goal is to help you find your voice while I find mine and help you become your best version while I become mine!

Movies let us escape to a new world, especially cartoons where reality knows no bounds. That includes characters with superhuman powers, new and exciting worlds and some amazing homes.

In a recent study money.co.uk gathered up cannon info that includes location and house price date to calculate the cost of your fave movie homes––and that includes Elsa’s Ice Palace! The site developed a floorpan that is fit for a queen and comes in at a cool $3.5 million!

But they did’t stop there. The site went on to rate 29 other fictional properties that include homes from Downton Abbey, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter and more!

Money went on to calculate monthly mortgage costs based on 10 percent down over a 25 year loan. Elsa’s palace? That will set you back nearly $15,000 a month!

You can check out the full list of fake movie house mortgages over at Money.

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of money.co.uk/Feature image: Walt Disney Animation via YouTube

 

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Photo: Britannica for Parents

As stay-at-home orders are lifted, many working parents are returning to their jobs, and many child care programs are reopening. Here are 5 tips to help families with young children transition back to their child care routines.

1. Pay your bill. Parents, you were probably asked to pay at least a portion of your fees while your child care program was closed. While it may seem unfair to pay for care while your child is home with you, charging fees to reserve a child’s space is standard practice for child care centers, and it is essential for keeping programs running. The center’s expenses continue even when children are not present. Facility costs like mortgage or rent payments must still be met. Most importantly, staff must be paid. Retaining skilled and experienced teachers and caregivers is one of the biggest challenges in the field of early childhood care and education. Paying your child care fees while your center is closed will help ensure that the staff will be there to welcome your child when they return.

If your family is not yet ready to return to child care and you have an opportunity to pay to hold your spot, do it. The current economic crisis means many child care centers are closing permanently, and it will likely only get harder for families to access early childhood care and education in the future. Do what you can now to retain your family’s relationship with a quality child care program. If your financial situation makes it difficult to pay your fees, contact the director of the program and explain your situation. They may be able to refer you to assistance programs in your community.

2. Practice wearing masks at home. Child care centers are now adapting their health and safety practices to provide as much protection as possible against the spread of COVID-19. In most centers, the staff and parents will be required to wear masks, at least during drop-off and pickup. In some centers, children over the age of two will also be required to wear masks. Seeing people in masks and wearing a mask may be difficult for many young children. You can help your child adjust to this new normal by practicing wearing masks at home.

First, offer your child a simple explanation for why people wear masks. For example, “A mask is something people wear that covers their nose and mouth. Wearing a mask helps keep people from getting sick.” Let your child touch and hold your mask before you put it on. Children learn through play, so include masks in silly “peek-a-boo” games or in pretend play. Make little paper masks for your child’s stuffed animals or dolls. Allow your child to pick out or decorate their own masks and let them practice putting them on and taking them off all by themselves.

3. Prep extra supplies. Most child care centers will now have stricter rules for keeping children’s supplies clean. This means that parents can anticipate the need to bring more items from home to the center each day, as well as the need to bring those items home and wash them more frequently. Check with your child care center to find out what new guidelines are in place, but keep in mind that you will likely need to prep individual meals and snacks, to provide more changes of clothing and extra diapers and wipes, and to more frequently swap out and wash blankets and nap items.

4. Contact your legislators. To ensure that quality care and education are available to all young children, make sure your legislators are making child care a top priority. Advocacy organizations like the National Association for the Education of Young Children and Zero to Three provide guidance for reaching out to legislators and speaking up about the importance of investing in child care and other early childhood services. You can also support the Child Care Is Essential Act, a bill that would provide $50 billion in emergency funding to stabilize child care and support programs to reopen safely.

5. Thank your child care teachers and staff. Professionals working in early childhood care and education were already underpaid and overlooked before the COVID-19 pandemic. While some policymakers and leaders are now recognizing the importance of child care services in rebuilding our economy, your child’s teachers and caregivers have not received the recognition and appreciation they deserve. Be sure to take a moment to tell them how much they mean to your family, and thank them every day for their commitment to your child.

Sources

Barnett, Steven, “Now Is the Time to Invest in Preschool Education. Here’s Why,” 2020 CDC, “Guidance for Child Care Centers that Remain Open,” 2020 Center for the Study of Child Care Employment, “Why Do Parents Pay So Much for Child Care When Educators Earn So Little?” 2020 Danley, Lucy, “New Analysis: COVID-19 Crisis Could Lead to Permanent Loss of Nearly 4.5 Million Child Care Slots Nationwide,” 2020 Fields, Samantha, “Do Parents Still Pay When Daycare Is Closed for Weeks, or Months, Because of COVID-19?” 2020 NAEYC, “Be a Proactive Early Learning Advocate,” [n.d.] Whitebook, Marci, and Sakai, Laura, “Turnover Begets Turnover: An Examination of Job and Occupational Instability Among Child Care Center Staff,” 2003 Zero to Three, “Advocacy Action Center: Infants and Toddlers Don’t Have a Voice in the Public Policy Process, but You Do!” [n.d.]

Learn More

This post originally appeared on Britannica for Parents.
Britannica For Parents
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We’re living in a time when it’s nearly impossible to distinguish fact from fiction. Parents need information they trust to help them make good decisions about raising their curious learners. Britannica for Parents provides safe and credible resources to empower all kids and parents and inspire curiosity for generations to come.

Photo: Photo by Julie Johnson via Unsplash

As a new parent, the list of to-dos seems endless and, let’s face it, daunting. From babyproofing the house to building your own infant pharmacy, tackling bigger-picture necessities like your finances may seem like the last thing you’re ready to take on. But it’s never too early to start planning for financial goals and expenses, especially when you’re expanding your family. As overwhelming as it may seem now, you’ll thank yourself in the future if you tackle a few financial necessities as soon as possible.

1. Invest in Life Insurance

Your family is just beginning, so why focus on passing away? Life insurance is one of those tricky topics. No one wants to think about dying unexpectedly, but the unfortunate truth is that it’s still better to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Life insurance isn’t about betting against yourself—it’s about helping ensure your family has financial security should something happen to you.

What many people don’t realize is that the lower your risk of death, the lower the cost of life insurance. Purchasing a life insurance policy when you’re in your 30s can be half as much as purchasing one when you’re in your 50s. In fact, a policy can be as little as $9 per month in your 30s versus $20 per month in your 50s.

Additionally, the younger you are and the fewer assets you have, the more you benefit from life insurance. For example, if you’re in your early 30s, you may not reach your peak earning years until your 40s. You might also be paying off student loan debt and a mortgage. Life insurance helps replace that income so your family can maintain their lifest‌yle.

There are two types of life insurance, and it’s important to understand the differences:

  1. Permanent policies come in the form of whole life and universal life insurance and are designed to remain in place for the entirety of your life.
  2. Term life policies are purchased to cover select periods of time, usually in increments of 10 years. While premiums are typically lower, term life policies don’t offer you the ability to build cash value.

Speak with a financial representative to determine which type of policy best suits your family’s needs.

2. Adjust Your Budget

Part of the initiation process in becoming a parent is hearing from at least half a dozen friends how much it costs to raise a child. NerdWallet estimates costs over $250,000 for raising a child until they’re 18 years old. This calls for a new family budget.

When adjusting your budget, evaluate all new expenses. Determine your recurring costs for healthcare coverage, childcare, college savings (let’s tackle that next) and everyday costs for supplies like diapers, clothing and food. These will impact your monthly budget for the next few years and may adjust in the future. Do you need to cut back in other areas of your budget, or do you have other sources of income to make up for these new expenses?

If you’re preparing to welcome a new baby to the family, you’ll want to budget for up-front, one-time costs. Some of the bigger-ticket items can include a safer or more child-friendly vehicle. Some families also need to transform a former office or guest room into a nursery and purchase new furniture.

If you struggle to build or maintain a budget, consider using a budgeting app. One of the most popular is Mint, which syncs to your bank accounts and tracks all your incoming and outgoing money. Organize expenses by category so you can see where you spend the most and least and adjust your budget as needed.

3. Start Saving for College

You’re likely thinking, “Isn’t my kid at least 17 years away from college?” Yes, but as you may remember from your own experience, college is expensive. A ValuePenguin study found that public, in-state colleges cost an average of $20,770 per year (for tuition, fees and room and board) and private colleges an average of $46,950. Multiply that by four and you’re looking at more than $80,000.

Too often, parents make the mistake of waiting to save for college until their child is in high school. Rather than try to save as much as possible in a few years, it’s much less taxing on your wallet if you spread it out—save a little each month and factor the cost into your monthly budget from year one.

Now is the time to speak with a financial representative and research your college savings options. Beyond traditional savings accounts, many families choose to invest in a 529 plan, which is a tax-advantaged savings plan designed specifically for saving for future education costs. The great thing about 529 plans is that you can use the savings for K-12 tuition if unexpected costs come up or you decide to send your child to a private high school. A financial advisor can help you identify an appropriate plan and savings goals based on current finances.

As many new parents quickly learn, a little preparation can save you a lot of stress in the future. Start tackling these three essential financial steps by researching your life insurance and college savings options and dusting off your budget. You’ll feel like a champ parent, and you can focus on the beautiful years of raising a family.

Kendra is a writer for Eligibility.com who loves healthy living, the outdoors, and obsessing over plants. When she isn’t writing, Kendra can be found exploring the mountains with her puppy or curled up at home with a good book.

We’ve got the scoop on LA’s best-kept secret: free summer rehearsals at the Hollywood Bowl. Whether you’ve got a tween in middle school band or a toddler obsessed with instruments, you can take them to hear a bona fide orchestra at the city’s most iconic music venue. (And did we mention it’s free?) Plus, with little to no crowds, open seating and easy parking, it’s way less stressful than attending your typical Bowl concert. Read on for everything you need to know about summer rehearsals at the Hollywood Bowl.

Call Ahead

Matthew Field via Creative Commons

This season, Hollywood Bowl rehearsals are open to the public on Tues. and Thurs., beginning the week of Jul. 9 through mid-Sept., when you can catch the LA Philharmonic at practice from 9:30a.m.-12:30p.m. Don't fret about arriving on time or making it through the full three hours (as if your kids would sit still for that long!). You're free to come and go throughout the session. Also, remember that rehearsal schedules are subject to change (and additional rehearsals may even be added), so call on Mon. to confirm days and times. 

Park Wherever

Loads of free parking is another major incentive for visiting the Hollywood Bowl during rehearsal mornings. No stack parking to contend with or pricey pay lots requiring you to take a second mortgage on your house. Simply pull up and park directly behind the amphitheater and go in via the artist's entrance. Helpful Hollywood Bowl staffers are on hand to help steer you in the right direction.

Pack a Picnic

Margaret Napier via flickr

To really give kids an authentic Bowl experience, you can bring a meal and dine during the show in the box seats. As for strollers, they can be parked off to the side, but with loads of stairs, you might want to leave them at home. It's easier to carry tots with tired little legs or bring a sling for baby.

Bring Sun Protection

John M. via Yelp

Because this is LA in Jul. through Sep., you can pretty much expect the sun to be shining every day, and with little to no shade at the Bowl, you'll want to bring sunscreen, hats, plenty of water and maybe even an umbrella or two. 

Use "Inside" Voices

Margaret Napier via flickr

While the LA Philharmonic happily welcomes tykes to their rehearsals, out of respect to the musicians, they ask that parents remind children to use low "inside" voices while artists are on stage (even though you are outdoors). If kiddos become disruptive, they may be asked to leave, so be sure to have this important conversation with talkative tots ahead of time.

Stay Cool

DWP

Need a break from the sun? Stop by the Hollywood Bowl Museum during your visit (another free activity). Little ones will love seeing photos, videos and more of famous performers from over the years. It takes about 20 minutes to go through the museum but you may want to stay longer to enjoy the air conditioning.

The Hollywood Bowl
2301 N. Highland Ave.
Hollywood
323-850-2000
Online: hollywoodbowl.com

–Christina Montoya Fiedler & Jennifer O’Brien

featured photo: Margaret Napier via flickr

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People say there’s no love like a mother’s love. And I can attest to the fact that this is true. Whether or not we realize it, the love we have for our children can be seen in so many different ways. I truly believe that mothers are driven by an internal instinct to protect, provide, and nurture their young. Just like animals in the wild, don’t mess with this mama bear because she’ll do anything it takes to take care of her babies!

I’m blessed to have many strong women in my life. Ones I admire and others I may not understand, but am equally as fascinated by. Each brings their own strengths to motherhood and cares for their children in their own unique way. And from each of them, I’ve learned something meaningful.

The Corporate Mom

This is the mom that works a 9-5 job and commutes to work each day. Her children are in daycare and she sometimes gets home just in time for dinner, baths, and bed. But why does she do it? Because her job carries the medical benefits and pays the mortgage. She is a strong example of a successful, independent woman.

This is my girlfriend. She leaves her house each morning by 6 a.m., driving 45 minutes away to catch the train into Jersey City. She then walks 7 blocks to her office, along the Hudson River with a view of Lady Liberty. Her office is on the 26th floor. Her cubicle is adorned with modern furniture, her laptop, desk lamp, motivational quotes,and countless pictures of her two daughters. Those pictures inspire her each and every day.

Despite her demanding schedule, she makes time for their school events. She schedules their extracurricular activities on weekends so that she doesn’t miss out. She’s tired from the long hours, but she says it’s all worth it: tt’s worth it to know that her daughters see how hard she works and to witness her success, drive and tenacity. She’s the perfect role model for her daughters.

The Stay-at-Home Mom

This title describes approximately 29 percent of mothers. The mom who stopped working when her children were born. The woman who potentially gave up her career and dreams to be a dedicated, doting mother to her children. The role of stay at home mom comes with its own set of very unique and admirable sacrifices.

Some people might think stay at home moms have it easy. The perception might be that because they don’t visit an office each day or punch a clock, that they live a life of leisure. Most times, this is just simply not the case.

The stay-at-home mom was my mother. She quit her job as a legal aid when she was pregnant with my brother. After he was born, she dedicated herself to being a mother and wife. This meant long days of playing, storytime, naps, feedings, games, cooking, cleaning, and baths. My brother didn’t attend daycare and by the time my mom gave birth to me, our family had moved from Queens, New York to a small town in New Jersey. My brother entered the public school system as my mom welcomed another newborn.

Being a stay-at-home mom enabled her to be there at the bus stop each morning and each afternoon for my brother. She spent time with him doing homework and attending all of his sporting events and practices. During his day spent in school, my mother was home with me. She cooked lavish meals in the crockpot, baked bread and pies, hung pictures, cleaned every crevice of the house and gardened. Her days were long but rewarding—rewarding in a different way than working mothers.

But the life of a stay-at-home mom can sometimes be a lonely one, with hints of regret and even resent peeking through. My mother chose to stay at home and to this day, says she wouldn’t have had it any other way. But I also know mothers who gave up their personal dreams and goals to provide for their kids. For some, this can mean feelings of lost opportunities or unaccomplished goals. But for many stay-at-home moms—just like for my mom—the sacrifice is worth it.

The Tough Love Mom vs. The Doting Mom

The tough love mom and the doting mom often have the same end-game in mind: making life easier for their child. And while the intended result is the same, the approach is very different.

I am the latter. I often do too much for my son. Like all mothers, I don’t want to see my child struggle or suffer, so the minute he shows signs of either, I am all too quick to jump in and do things for him. Though this might seem easier in the moment, I’m slowly realizing that I may actually be doing him a disservice in the long run. If he never faces challenges, how will he know how to overcome them? If I constantly do things for him, how will he ever feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when he achieves something on his own?

I could learn a thing or two from the tough love mom. These are the mothers that encourage independence and often times, require it. They leave their children to figure things out on their own. They don’t mind if their child goes to school with mismatched clothes that are on backward. Why? Because their child dressed themselves, and when they realize how uncomfortable a backward shirt is, they’ll figure out how to put it on the right way.

Tough love moms are okay with cleaning up spilled milk or spaghetti sauce stains following a meal that their child served themselves. The theory is that after a few mishaps and missteps, their children will figure out a better way—trial and error will help teach them how to efficiently do things. But do the children of tough love mothers feel that their moms are too hard on them? I guess this is the risk you run as a tough love mom.

I think both sides of this equation can learn something from the other.

So whether you’re a corporate, tough love mom teaching your children to be strong and determined or a doting, stay-at-home mom that caters to her children’s every need, all mothers are beautiful and unique, bringing different amazing attributes to the table. I observe and admire different things about each of the mothers in my life. And from these women, I draw inspiration and purpose. Thank you, moms!

Featured Photo Courtesy: Sam Manns/Unsplash

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the third in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

Hey little man, that’s a real nice red shirt you’ve got on there. Did your mommy get that for you? Are you going to Kindergarten? You are? Yay! You look so grown up, how old are you? 5? 6? 7? Wait – I can’t count how many fingers you’re holding up…your Adam’s apple is moving too fast for me to follow….is that chest hair I see sneaking out from your red shirt?

Fine then. Let’s have a few beers (you buy!) and talk about why you’ve been “held back.” I’ll take notes.

  1. You’re going to “get ahead”– and stay ahead.
  2. You got your baby teeth in late.
  3. You were born in the summer.
  4. Your friends – born in spring, winter, and 1982, are all going to Kindergarten later, so you’re just following their lead.
  5. It’s a sports thing. Even though you’ve never really played on a team before.
  6. You read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Because you already know how to read.
  7. It’s controversial, and you’re a controversial kind of guy.
  8. Being a class TA builds good leadership skills.
  9. Preschool is fun. Why hurry out of a good thing? And besides, Kindergarten is the new 1st Grade.
  10. Mom wanted it this way.

This is good stuff. Thanks. Now, keep those chest hairs patted down for a minute because the community activist group, Parents of Children Who Wear Green Shirts would like to respond. They are too passive-aggressive to say anything to you in person, and their kids barely know how to hold a pencil, so I’ll just go over these parent notes as diplomatically as possible. Remember – I’m just the messenger here.

  1. They hate you. In the same way they hate people with nice cars and low mortgage payments, they think you’re a smarmy little turd who is gaming the system.
  2. Their 5 year-old kids were born in the spring, summer, winter and fall. They’re all going off to Kindergarten this year because, well, that’s what you do when you’re 5.
  3. Preschool is expensive. Or have you noticed? By the way, how much did that red shirt set you back? Is it designer?
  4. Their kids have trouble sitting still, also. As well. So there.
  5. Entering school a year late just so you can get your kid into the gifted program or have them be the tallest one on the sports team is lame.
  6. Parents who have kids in school most of the day are happier parents. Happier parents = happier kids.
  7. Parenting experts say the best way for kids to learn is to give them challenges and let them fail.
  8. Why is life so unfair?????????
  9. Kindergarten: Just Do It.
  10. It all evens out in the end.

Hmmm…. I see you’ve finished your beers and are now filling out college applications, so I guess we’re done. Mind if I ask a few people over here what they think of your red shirt?

[Leaning over to next table] Psssst – what do you think about this thing called “redshirting?” Is this a “boy thing?” Do you think this trend is waning– or gaining– speed? Most importantly, what are you planning on doing with your own kids when it comes Kindergarten time?

— Allison Ellis (Seattle Mom of two, including one Kindergartner, ready or not.)

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the third in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.