A positive attitude about yourself goes a long way when it comes to building self-esteem in kids

How many times have you looked in the mirror and frowned at the outfit you’re wearing, or thought twice about eating dessert because it’s a “bad food” (even though it’s not)? Definitely a few, because you’re human, after all. But it’s important to take stock of the things you say when the kids are around and do your best to present yourself as a strong, confident parent.

Kids learn about body positivity and self-confidence from their parents long before they internalize perceived ideals of how they should look on YouTube or social media. And if they have a strong foundation of self-esteem, those messages will have far less of an impact when they do, inevitably, encounter them. We rounded up 9 things to say—and believe!—about yourself in front of your kids so you can help them learn to take pride in who they are.

1. I look nice today. Say it when you’re tired, say it when you feel a cold coming on, say it even if you haven’t showered in a few days. Little ones learn by example; if they hear you speaking positively about yourself, it becomes second nature to do the same. Projecting self-confidence shows worthiness—despite the negative messaging that bombards us daily. 

2. That was challenging, and I’m going to try again. Showing you are okay with failure helps kids develop the tools necessary for dealing with disappointment. It might be handy to have a list of people who failed before finding success on hand: think Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, and Oprah. 

3. I made a mistake. It might be one of the hardest things to do, but admitting when we are wrong is one of the best ways to show (and teach) personal responsibility. And that’s a life skill everyone needs. 

4. Food keeps me healthy and happy. How you talk about food with kids has a major impact on how they look at their bodies and health. If you practice food neutrality (broccoli is broccoli, a cookie is a cookie—nothing is “good” or “bad”), it’ll help to set the stage for kids to learn the balance of fueling the body and enjoy the pleasures of the food itself. 

5. I am proud of my job. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, work remotely, or head out to a job, show pride in what you do! Talking about what you do all day shows the kids that while you might be busy, it’s for a good reason—not because you don’t want to read Dragons Love Tacos for the 10th time. 

6. I’m glad my body protects me and keeps me alive every day. We can kick a soccer ball, push a swing, and play a board game, and we can do it all without being the “right size.” Referring to your body as something you use as a tool for life is key to helping kids develop a positive self-image.

7. This outfit makes me feel beautiful. Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself cursing while trying on clothes because something doesn’t look quite right. Try focusing on things you like about what you’re wearing: this color complements my skin tone, these leggings are perfect for our park play date, and this hat makes me stand out in a crowd. Pointing out the good instead of the bad is a way to encourage self-love and confidence. 

8. I enjoy exercising because it makes me feel strong. Moving our bodies is about so much more than losing weight. It’s about how exercise is good for our brain, helps us ward off illness, and prolongs our lifespan. In today’s tech-driven culture, driving home these ideas is more important than ever. 

9. I believe every day is a new chance to start over. It’s easy to let negative thoughts rule our mindset. Yes, life is tough, but it’s also beautiful, and we only get one go of it. A wonderful gift (or tool) you can give your kids is the ability to look at the present and the future and understand that everything moves forward. We alone can make change for ourselves, even if it’s something as tiny as writing down notes of gratitude or as big as demanding the help you need.

Related: Want to Raise Confident Kids? Start by Doing This

It’s a conversation no parent wants to have, but if you have to, here’s what you can tell your child

As unfortunate as it might be, lockdown drills have become a regular occurrence at most public schools across the country, in some places as commonplace now as fire drills. And though they can be scary for young children, they’re necessary. They help to prepare and educate children about the proper and safe way to act in case of an emergency.

The first time our local elementary school did a lockdown drill when my son was in kindergarten, he came home a little shaken up. It’s not easy to explain to your child why lockdown drills are necessary or what exactly they’re protecting them against without inciting fear. But there are some strategies available for speaking to your children about the importance and purpose of lockdown drills. Here are just a few.

1. Stay Calm

Children often react first to an adult’s reaction, then to whatever situation is causing the reaction. For example, if your child falls and scrapes their knee. Their initial reaction might be to cry when they see the blood or because it hurts. But the severity of their reaction will have a lot to do with how you, as the parent, react. If you start panicking, your child will panic too because they’ll think there’s reason to: “If mommy is getting upset there must be something really wrong!”

This theory holds true for discussing lockdown drills. If you approach the subject with a calm and even tone, your child will not be initially alarmed. They’re more apt to calmly sit and listen to what you have to say. Acting in a paranoid or fearful way will only instill unnecessary fear in your child.

2. Be Open to Questions

You want your child to feel comfortable asking you questions, about anything in life, but especially about something they’re concerned or curious about. Try not to meet their questions with resistance or negativity. Be open to whatever is going on in their minds. The more knowledge and understanding of the situation they have, the more comfortable they may become with the practice.

3. Use Comparisons

It’s sometimes easier for children to understand a new concept when they have a familiar reference to compare it to. The most common and logical comparison to a lockdown drill is a fire drill. Most children are familiar with fire drills before they even enter public school. Many daycare and childcare centers are required to perform routine fire drills. You might even have a fire plan in place for your home.

Explain to your child that a lockdown drill is very similar to a fire drill. It’s something the schools use just in case of an emergency and for practice because practice makes perfect! You can even compare practicing drills to wearing a helmet or seat belt. You do these things to be safe, just in case there’s an accident or your child falls off their bike. These things may never happen, but if they do, you’re protected.

The more relaxed and less serious you remain while discussing lockdown drills, the more relaxed your child will be. Emphasize that lockdown drills aren’t just for the students but for teachers as well and that they’re designed to keep everyone safe.

4. Helping Them Understand the Threat

But as we know, lockdown drills are in place for a very serious reason. It’s perfectly fine to ease your young child’s mind by making “light” of the situation and explaining that it’s simply for practice. But your inquisitive child will likely ask what a lockdown drill is keeping them safe from.

They already view teachers and other adults as authority figures. Explain to your child that sometimes, adults and teachers see a potential threat or something unsafe that children don’t see. This threat may be nothing, but until the adults can determine that, a lockdown drill is a good way to keep them safe.

Your child’s next question might be, “Well, what kind of unsafe stuff?” My son is 7 and I try to be as honest with him as possible, without striking fear. He knows that people make poor choices at times—from his friends in class to adults. When discussing what threats lockdown drills are addressing, explain that it’s the school’s job to keep the children safe from any adults around that might be making poor choices. There’s really no need to explain further what those choices are.

I often tell my son, “Sometimes people just do things that we don’t understand. Things that we would never do.” If your child is a little bit older you can go as far as to say, “Sometimes people get angry and confused and end up hurting people.” You know your child best, so offer as much or as little explanation as you think is appropriate or necessary.

5. Encourage Your Child to Be a Helper

Most kids love nothing more than being a helper, especially to adults! Making children part of what’s going on is a great way to involve them in their own safety practice, such as lockdown drills.

The teachers at my son’s school wear whistles on their school lanyards. During a lockdown drill, the teacher is supposed to pop their head out the classroom door into the hallway and blow their whistle three times. This alerts anyone in the hallway or neighboring classrooms that a lockdown is in place, in case they aren’t already aware. The teacher then locks the classroom door and the children take their positions. It’s my son’s job to remind his teacher to blow the whistle. Other students have other “jobs” like reminding her to pull down the shades or helping their friends find their special hiding spots.

By involving children in the lockdown process, you’re empowering them with a sense of responsibility and involvement. This can help to ease their worry. It also gives them something to focus on, distracting them from any fear they might be experiencing.

Try asking your child about the lockdown drill process. “So, what do you do first?” or “What happens next?” Become excited and involved in what’s happening. Your child will feel important and may view the drill as a necessary “job” they have, not as a scary experience.

6. Always be Available

It’s important to always be available for your child to ask questions, voice their concerns and simply listen to what they have to say. The first few lockdown drills your child experiences might be scary for them, but over time, they should become more comfortable with the process. If you need further information or help explaining lockdown drills with your child, speaking to your school’s principal or the district superintendent can offer additional help and resources about your specific school district’s procedures.

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

You don’t have to look very far (or for very long) before you see something on your news feed that amounts to mom-shaming. Yet, the more I read about mom-shaming posts going viral, the more I get a mix of emotions.

While I’m thankful there are people in the world who are reading between the lines and who urge others to stop judging parents, another part of me feels guilt and frustration because although I hate being mom-shamed, I do (shamefully and oftentimes unknowingly) partake in it myself. The more I read about mom-shaming, the more I remember that shamers are out there, “doin’ their thang.” And honestly, the less likely I am to share with other parents my stories, for fear of being perceived as THAT parent—a.k.a., the one who lacks proper judgment.

Mom shaming is not my problem, but a lack of esteem and community are. 

All parents will have preferences and many people with different preferences will take issue with any opinion on parenting that’s different from their opinion. My point isn’t to say mom-shaming is a good thing—but it exists and I’m not sure how effective “shaming the shamers” really is. How much can we combat mom shamers by telling them, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all?”

I’d like to think this works, but if someone is mom-shaming me either through their words, their glares or they’re pretending I’m not there, I’m certainly not going to rebut by saying, “please play nice.” Because how effective is it to mom shame…the mom shamers? “Listen here mom or regular person, you should be ashamed for shaming another mom.”

What should we do to combat mom-shaming, other than trying to shut shamers up? In more and more of the positive self-help books I dig into, it’s clear that one of the secrets to being great is learning to tune out the noise, to empower ourselves—to accept criticism when it leads to self-improvement and to leave behind the comments that are degrading. In Jen Sincero’s book, You Are a Badass, she proclaims that:

“Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team for lack of skill. Steven Spielberg, a high school dropout, was rejected from film school three times. Thomas Edison, who was dubbed too stupid to learn anything by a teacher, tried more than nine thousand experiments before successfully creating the light bulb.”

We as parents would benefit a great deal by building our own confidence in a world of nay-sayers. We would do the world a disservice by listening to bad-talkers. The world needs our diversity, our amplified voices, and opinions and we need to repel negative comments directed at our parenting st‌yles in order to keep doing what we believe is best for our children.

We moms empower mom shamers by listening to them, prioritizing them, and by internalizing their negativity. So, while building our own sense of self can help us achieve a greater sense of clarity and esteem in our own parenting choices, how do we help build up other parents too, instead of shame them (back to basics here: two wrongs don’t make a right)?

Here are some ideas to build a community of confident parents who embrace their differences: invite other parents/kids for a tea and play-date. Be a community. Compliment and look for the good in them and help them shake off negative comments and articulate feedback in a way that is geared towards their betterment, not their destruction. Seems pretty simple, yet it takes perseverance and dedication.

To recap: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a theme presented by many successful life coaches and urges people to stop letting others’ negative, harmful opinions influence us or prevent us from achieving greatness. As a parent, a parent-professional and a leader: we parents are leaders. Moms and dads need to embrace this, too. Taking the wisdom of author Brené Brown, a vulnerability and shame researcher: if you want to combat the negative effects of mom-shaming in others as well, allow others to be vulnerable with you and help them see their inner hero.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

 

little boy in a field

I wish the r-word would just disappear. Poof! Be gone. Permanently erased forever.

The r-word is a euphemism for “retard” or “retarded.” It is a derogatory and insulting term used to describe or insult individuals with intellectual disabilities. I’m so tired of hearing it and reading it on social media used to insult a person, place, or thing through comparison to a person with an intellectual disability. There is no correct way to use the r-word. None. It needs to go!

If you haven’t already, please kick the r-word to the curb, once and for all. I’m so tired of reading the expression “that’s so retarded.” People need to stop using it as a descriptor. It’s not a joke. The r-word has such a negative stigma attached to it.

In a world of social media and a pandemic, more and more people are going online including those with intellectual disabilities. They have a right to be in the online space free from disrespect and online bullying. I have seen friends use this word. It’s like a stab to my heart. They know the struggles that I have with my child, how hard he works, and the obstacles he faces and seeing them just throw that word around, out into the world- like nothing. It is beyond disheartening.

It is really one of the worst things that they can say. I wish that people thought before they spoke. I wish they realized how hurtful and demeaning the “r-word” is. I wish they could live in our world for a day so they could realize the love, kindness, strength, fight, heart, friendship, and perseverance of those living with intellectual disabilities. They are missing out.

This is more than a word, it’s about respect and attitudes. It’s about people looking down on others and judging them because of perceived capabilities. Never make an assumption about what another person can and cannot do. My son is an amazing little boy. He loves life and other people. He likes muffins, telling jokes, YouTube, and Buzz Lightyear. He loves hugs, stickers, swimming, and being included.

He is love, kindness, acceptance, purity, positivity, strength, and courage. He is smart. He is capable. He has encountered more obstacles, jumped more hurdles, and climbed bigger mountains in his mere five years than some people encounter in a lifetime. He is more than any assumption, barrier, limit, or diagnosis. He is and will always be more than the ignorance, negativity, hate, opinions, and preconceived notions of others. He will always be more than the r-word.

This post originally appeared on Stalen’s Way Facebook.

I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life. 

Photo: Rebecca Murphy

Walking among the hundreds of pebbles and shells on the beach, my son picked one up and shouted, “Look, Mom!! This one’s a heart! It really has been a perfect day!”

Was it really a perfect day? Not so much. Our morning was filled with battles over excessive screen time and endless requests to complete household chores. Not to mention, we got a very late start to our family outing, and we were down one family member because he couldn’t get off from work. So in reality, it was not perfect, but my son chose to see it that way.

We live in a society that spoon feeds us negativity. And despite being bombarded with negativity, we can choose how we perceive the world. We can focus on the obvious or we can shift our perspective to see the good and all the possibilities out there. We can celebrate the ‘what’s working now’ and recognize all the great qualities we bring to the party.

Studies have shown that positivity and hope have an increased effect on health, creativity, performance, and the ability to overcome obstacles. When you focus on the good, you allow more good to enter your life! Better yet, when you focus on the good, you are modeling a positive attitude for your children who will naturally follow your example! Don’t you think it’s worth the effort?

Challenge yourself!!  Train your brain to see past the negativity out there and find the good. Here are seven quick tips to help shift your focus.

1. Practice Reframing. Flip those negative thoughts so they have a positive spin. Rather than think of what you have to do, think about what you get to do.

2. Start a Gratitude Journal. Jot down the people, the moments or thoughts that brought you joy during the day. Write about something you’re looking forward to or perhaps something that made you smile. If journaling is not your thing, there are some excellent Gratitude Apps out there you may like.

3. Say ‘Thank You’. Recognize the special people you mentioned in your gratitude journal with a handwritten thank you note! The appreciation you display in your note will feel good for you and the recipient.

4. Volunteer. Widen your lens and see the world from a different perspective.  When you find a need in your community, fill it.  It is such a ‘positivity’ boost to be helpful and productive for others.

5. Reassess Your Fuel Source. If you’re fueled by social media, news, and adrenaline, it’s time to re-anchor yourself. Consider a healthier self-care regimen that includes moving your body every day, staying hydrated, pausing to regroup your thoughts, and saying ‘no’ to activities that don’t serve you a purpose.

6. Allow Yourself Some Grace. Life is not a ‘measure up’ experience. Set goals, not expectations. It’s okay to be where you are right now. Celebrate your strengths!

7. Smile. If only for yourself, a quick smile instantly boosts your mood and can shift your perspective. Plus, who doesn’t look good sporting a smile?!

When my son held up his treasure on the beach, at first glance, it was just a rock. A small little pebble amongst hundreds of others on the beach. But with a simple shift in perspective, it became a heart. This small, simple shift in perception can make all the difference in how you live your life and approach situations. We often miss these beautiful symbols in life because we are not looking out for them. Imagine the possibilities and potential we could bring to light just by keeping our eyes and hearts focused on the positivity surrounding us.

 

This post originally appeared on Real Life Parent Coaching Blog.

Hi! I'm Rebecca from Real Life Parent Coaching. I use my background as an educator to help parents discover & cultivate their strengths and reach their parenting potential. I live in New Jersey with my husband and two kids. I enjoy exploring, being creative & having fun with my crew!

Photo: Canva.com

There’s more going on right now that we do not see behind closed doors. Marriage, relationships, and divorce are all not always easy and during a pandemic the tension and stress are high. Though every relationship is important, our main focus right now needs to be on our children and being the best role models we can be.

Right now, co-parenting peacefully is probably very difficult but very important. 

Why? Because children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.

The Best Co-Parenting Strategies:

1. Communicate. Right now, there are so many things out of our hands and so much unknown, not only are you and your ex unsure of what’s going to happen, so are your children. You and your ex need to be on the same page during this time. With schools shut down and normal schedules out of question, coming up with a consistent and the most logical plans are essential. Home-schooling and day schedules should be discussed if the children switch homes during the week, make the routines as close as possible at each household. And. I get it, that’s not easy, none of this is, but as long as you two create some sort of normalcy mixed with leniency, it will create some balance for your kids.

2. Lead by (Healthy) Example. Your feelings about your ex do not have to dictate your behavior, Be a positive example and set aside strong feelings. It may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. 

3. Commit to an Open Dialogue with Your Ex. Arrange to do this through email, texting, voicemail, letters or through face-to -ace conversation. In the beginning, it may be hard to have a civil dialogue with your ex. There are even websites where you can upload schedules, share information, and communicate so you and your ex don’t have to directly touch base. Here are a few that I recommend: Our Family Wizard, Coparently, Cozi, and Talking Parent. Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting

4. Be Consistent. Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but you and your ex should establish generally consistent guidelines. They should be mutually agreed upon for both households. For example, mealtime, bedtime, and completing homework need to be consistent. This helps create a sense of belonging and creates a sense of security and predictability for children. 

5. Release the Negativity. Instead of talking negatively about your ex, commit to positive talk in both households no matter what the circumstances. With so much instability right now, positivity in your household is essential. Children want to feel safe, the negative reactions you have for one another must be kept between you two if must.

6. Agree on Discipline. Don’t give in to the guilt and try and outdo your ex by gifting you child with things, instead agree on discipline—behavioral guidelines, rewards, and consequences for raising your children so that there’s consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they’re with at any given time. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.

7. Be Flexible and Update Each Other Often. If there are changes at home, in your life, It is important that your child is never, ever, ever the primary source of information.

8. Speak in a Positive Language about Your Ex. Remember, oftentimes marriage is what was the issue, not the parenting style. Each of you has valuable strengths as a parent. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your ex have—and reinforce this awareness with your children. The repercussions of co-parenting conflict? Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

9. Keep Conversations Kid-focused.

10. Pick and Choose Your Battles with Your Ex. Yes, discuss important decisions about school or health, but what time your child goes to bed whether at 8 p.m. in one house vs. 8:30 in another or when they take a bath in the morning or the evening is not important so try to let that go. Focus on the bigger issues. In fact, this teaches your child flexibility.

Transitions:  

  1. Be timely.

  2. Help children anticipate change. Remind the kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s house for a day or two before the visit. Have a visual calendar that is up and helps for the anticipation. 

  3. Pack their special stuffed toy or photograph. Some parents will have security blankets or the same stuffies at each house or one that goes between households. 

  4. The exchange should be quick and positive.

  5. When your child returns refrain from asking a lot of questions. Have a consistent activity or pre-planned activity that was on the calendar planned, so they know what to expect when they return. 

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year

 

Photo: Ruby Love

Let’s face—periods aren’t going anywhere. This was something I realized as I laid in bed one evening with my period and caught sight of the wings from my pad. Although this extra layer offered the protection I needed during that time of the month, this non-discreet quality did not seem very modern in this day in
age and annoyed me. “Why can’t we have more stylish yet functional protection?” I thought to myself. This moment opened my eyes to the lack of modern menstrual products for young girls and women.

As a mother, I know how important it is to have a menstrual care option that is safe, easy to use and helps celebrate a young girl’s growth. Discussing menstruation as a monumental rite-of-passage and making her first-period experience as positive as possible influences how a young girl views menstruation. While this conversation is an important introduction to puberty, the topic still remains taboo for many families. After helping my own daughter navigate the ups and downs of her first period, I was disappointed with the lack of options to provide her and decided enough was enough.

In August 2015, I figured we’d destigmatize and eliminate the negativity surrounding the monthly experience, and the rest is history. The notion of stylish and functional period protection, although an initial thought, turned into hundreds of samples to see what worked. Who knew that millions of other women felt the same way? Samples turned into PantyProp, and PantyProp into Ruby Love—a period protection brand offering leak-proof apparel that equips young girls and women with the tools they need to manage their period while destigmatizing menstruation so that period days can be just like any other day. 

With my daughter and a world of prepubescent young ladies to follow, I knew that it was also important to deliver a positive message and influence surrounding periods. This inspired our mission and led to the launch of our First Period Kit that is filled with informative, hygienic and fun items that celebrate a girl’s growth through puberty and helps prepare for her first period. The whole idea is to normalize periods, making it less embarrassing and more of an accepted, and even celebrated, the rite of passage that all girls go through while encouraging families to have conversations about puberty in a fun way.

It is our hope that breaking down menstrual taboos allows families to have open dialogues about puberty, which will help bring them closer together while empowering young girls. Whether it be through education, hosting a ‘period party’ for your daughter, openly talking about puberty, or exploring the now growing number of period protection alternatives, we can accomplish that together. Regular menstrual periods in the years between puberty and menopause are a sign that your body is working normally, and there is nothing negative about that!

 

Crystal Etienne is a wife, businesswoman, and mother to two amazing kids. As Founder & CEO of Ruby Love, Crystal seeks to continue revolutionizing the Femtech industry with the unifying message that periods should never stop women from doing, being and going. 

Photo: Jennifer Cohen Harper

We all want to offer our children a peaceful transition to sleep each night. But in real life, bedtime can feel anything but peaceful, as power struggles take over and leave everyone feeling irritated and disconnected instead. 

It is possible to shift this dynamic and make bedtime a sweet spot of the day, but it takes some effort, mindful reflection, and a bit of time to adjust.

There’s no one way forward that’s perfect for every family, but there are some aspects of creating nighttime routines that we all can benefit from considering. As you find the ones that work best for your family, the benefits will be reduced nighttime anxiety, a greater sense of connection and, crucially, better sleep. 

1. Shift Your Bedtime Goal to Prioritize Connection: At the end of the day, it’s normal to want to get our kids to sleep as fast as possible. But the paradox of peaceful sleep is that the stronger our “go to sleep” message is, the more desperately our kids work to stay awake! When kids go to bed, they are entering a period of disconnection. In order to feel good about that, they need their love well filled up. In fact, you may want to start calling bedtime family time or snuggle time instead.

2. Have a Portable Routine: Sleep has to happen in many places. Don’t set yourself and your kids up for stress with a routine that can only happen at home. Consider if there are aspects of what you do at bedtime that won’t travel well. If so, how can you shift them to accommodate nights you’re not at home.

3. Make a List, and Use it Playfully: Every parent has experienced the frustrating assortment of needs kids have when the lights go out. Take a pro-active approach and make a list of everything your kid needs before bed: pj’s, teeth brushed, potty, water, closet monster check, and anything else you can think of. Make two columns of checked boxes after each—one for “done” and another for “no thank you”. The “no thank you” column is great if one night your kid doesn’t need a monster check, or isn’t in the mood for hugs. Laminate your list, tie a crayon to it, and hang it up near your kid’s bed. Use it playfully like a scavenger hunt each night. It will teach your kids the valuable lesson of prior preparation while offering a routine that has both predictability and flexibility built-in. 

4. Honor Fears and Work to Create Safety: Sleep is a vulnerable time. Kids naturally have fears around bedtime. Often our tendency is to minimize fears in an attempt to assuage them, but it doesn’t really work. After all, how can someone who doesn’t see the problem possibly help solve it! It’s more effective to listen, ask questions, and honor your child’s concerns. Then work together to create solutions. When my daughter started sleeping in her own room, she was afraid of the house catching fire. Saying “that’s not going to happen” was dismissive. Working together to create a fire safety map, letting her check the smoke detectors, and practicing setting them off and going through the emergency plan made her feel powerful and prepared instead. 

5. Read For Engagement: I love reading. And yet at a certain point with my kids I noticed myself trying to make bedtime books as boring as possible. Seriously! I was trying to lull them to sleep like a bad hypnotist, and it sucked all the enjoyment out of one of our favorite activities. A better strategy is to read for engagement and connection. Read with curiosity, ask questions, encourage dialogue. The connection created as a result will help the child’s nervous system settle, and peaceful sleep will come much more easily. 

6. Cultivate Gratitude: The human brain has a negativity bias. It’s great for surviving, but not so good for thriving. Bedtime is the perfect opportunity to reflect with our kids on what good is happening in their world. Ask them to linger over a good experience, describe what it felt like, hold it in their memory. This practice of “taking in the good” as Rick Hanson describes in “Hardwiring Happiness,” can help our brain re-orient to the world and counteract the negativity bias we are all born with. Doing this regularly can help ease bedtime worries. 

7. Use a Body Scan to Move Into Rest: A body scan is a simple way to check in with our needs and invite our body to rest. When kids practice a body scan, it naturally builds self-awareness and helps them relate to and connect with their body in a healthy way. Start with the feet, thank each part of the body for the work it did that day, and invite it to rest. This is a great practice for adults too, and can be done anywhere!

8. Consider Staying a While: The idea that we need to teach our kids to sleep on their own makes a lot of parents feel guilty about staying in the room as their kids fall asleep. We don’t want our kids to need us so much that they can’t ever sleep without us. But there’s another way to think about this. What would it feel like for you to consider staying, not because they need you, but because you want to be with them? This doesn’t create a trap, or lock you into doing it every night, or send them a message that they can’t go to sleep on their own. It just shows them that you like them, and want to be near them when you can. Being wanted for who they are may be the deepest longing of your child’s heart. In the quiet time, when we have so many other things to do, choosing our kids over and over again, night after night, gives them an extraordinary gift. One that just may shape how they see themselves for a lifetime.

Jennifer Cohen Harper
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Jennifer Cohen Harper is an educator, author and mama of two girls, working to support children in the development of strong inner resources. She is the founder of Little Flower Yoga + Mindfulness, and author of many books and resources including her newest, Thank You Body, Thank You Heart. 

Photo: Lisa Lanoe via Adobe

Reading together is not just about learning to read. Until a child learns to read on their own, many families carve out moments for storytime and reading aloud. These bedtime stories, afternoons in a reading chair (or wherever families gather to read) aren’t just opportunities to build early literacy skills. They’re moments that foster warmth, connection, and a shared understanding of the world and our place in it. With that in mind, storytime remains important for people of all ages.

Why Storytime Matters for Babies

Long before babies can walk, talk, crawl, or even babble, they can see and hear—and learn. The stark shapes and bright colors in board books help develop visual acuity. Likewise, repetition, rhythm, and rhyme teach babies so much about words and language. Even though babies can’t read, they are learning about the nature of books and reading—that, in English at least, we read top to bottom and left to right, that words are related to pictures, that storytime is intimate and cozy, even fun.

Why Storytime Matters for Toddlers

Once children begin to speak, we have more insight into what they are thinking and feeling, what they like and “no like.” Storytime provides ample opportunity for pointing and naming, questions and answers and early intellectual investigations, like Where did that bunny go?

Toddlers are now self-sufficient (and opinionated!) enough to choose books that hook into their budding interests, and they begin to learn the things that build emotional IQ—imagining the feelings and motivations of a character they identify with.

Why Storytime Matters for School-age Children

For children in elementary school, stories become longer, less picture-driven, and more complex. There’s humor, drama, and more complicated social dynamics. Each of these elements helps to build compassion and empathy while entertaining entertain.

As important as storytime can be, this is when it tends to stop. One British study found that most parents stop reading to their children by the age of 8, the age when children typically read independently. Less than 20 percent of 8- to 10-year-olds in the study were read to daily by an adult.

Sabrina Grimes is a third-grade teacher in Pasadena, Calif., and by the time students enter her class, she sees that kind of data play out in real life.

“I wish parents would continue to read with their children, whatever their language,” said Grimes, who still reads aloud with her son, who just entered the sixth grade. “They still need it.”

Why Storytime Matters for Tween and Teens  

For tweens and teens, storytime and reading aloud is rarer and rarer still, particularly once you consider how screens dominate their lives. (Even teens are concerned about how much time they spend on phones or online—nine hours for teens, six for tweens, per one study.)

Meghan Cox Gurdon, the children’s book reviewer for The Wall Street Journal, still reads to her teen and even adult children. Not using books to connect at this age is a missed opportunity. Reading aloud gives adults and teens alike an alternative means of communication, “without the nagging, negativity, and silences that often creep into that dynamic,” she told The Guardian.

“It is a wonderful way of being together without having that pressure or being asked lots of questions,” she said.

The same basic mechanics are at work for this age group. Reading aloud (and being read to) builds vocabulary, grows knowledge, improves listening skills, instills empathy, and, as stories become more mature, can open up ways to discuss difficult topics, like abuse or death.

It’s also, importantly, a balm against the screen. “[Reading together] is an extraordinary distillation of the good things that we want in our lives,” said Gurdon. “We need human connectedness. Many of us want the richness of story and culture and language, something that is deeper than Twitter.”

Why Storytime Matters for Adults

Storytime doesn’t just benefit children, mind you. Gurdon, for one, reads aloud with her husband.  As she wrote in her book, The Enchanted Hour (which also champions reading together), “The deeply human exchange of one person reading to another is, in fact, human, which means that its pleasures and benefits are open to everyone” at any age.

 

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Pregnancy and parenting isn’t easy—even if you’re a royal. Meghan Markle recently opened up in the documentary Harry & Meghan: An African Journey, about what mommy-ing in the spotlight is like.

Even though it might seem like the Duchess of Sussex has it all, a position that places her in the public eye comes with plenty of added pressure. In a newly released clip of the documentary from ITV, Markle gets candid about the negativity she experienced from the press during and after her pregnancy.

Talking to ITV’s Tom Bradby about her experience, Markle said, “Any woman, especially when they’re pregnant, you’re really vulnerable, and so that was made really challenging. And then when you have a newborn, you know. And especially as a woman, it’s a lot.”

Markle went on to add, “So you add this on top of just trying to be a new mom or trying to be a newlywed. It’s um, yeah. I guess, also thank you for asking because not many people have asked if I’m okay, but it’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.”

To learn more about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s life together and time spent in Africa, catch the entire documentary, Harry & Meghan: An African Journey which will air in the United States on Oct. 23 at 10 p.m. ET on ABC.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Sussex Royal via Instagram 

 

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