ML Interest Tag: peer-pressure

The ‘Fire Truck Game’ That’s Worth Warning Kids About

by Gabby Cullen

You might remember “7 Minutes in Heaven” or “Spin the Bottle” from your tween and teen years. If you do, you won’t be surprised to hear that games pushing the boundaries of consent and exploring sexuality are still around. The latest buzz involves the “Fire Truck Game,” which isn’t new but has been gaining more traction recently. Mom and nurse @the.funny.nurse took to TikTok to remind parents that having a frank conversation about bodily autonomy is more important than ever.

@the.funny.nurse

Y’all gonna see me on the 6 O’clock news. #jrhigh #kids #tween #preteen #parents #moms #momsoftiktok #dads #dadsoftiktok #teacher #teachersoftiktok #publicschool #school #firetruck #firetruckgame #firetruckgameawareness #girls #boys #game

♬ original sound – Jin-Jin

“PSA to parents of children in junior high: My 11-year-old daughter just informed me that the boys are playing a game called the Fire Truck Game. We’ve got to do better teaching our boys to keep their hands off of other people and teaching our girls that it’s OK to have boundaries,” she says.

The “Fire Truck Game,” which has also been called “The Nervous Game,” is defined by Urban Dictionary as “a game where someone puts their hand on the other person’s inner thigh and travels upwards until the other person says ‘red light.’ But the thing is… the other person doesn’t stop and typically replies with, ‘Fire trucks don’t stop at red lights.’” Yikes.

While this is horrifying in and of itself, it’s important to realize that the Fire Truck Game isn’t the only time tweens and teens will find themselves in intimate situations—wanted or not—and it’s important to have a serious conversation about it.

In a recent Instagram video, Kathleen Henna, who specializes in helping parents navigate the “S” talk with kids, states that this is a good opportunity to help kids gain critical thinking skills and make smart decisions when faced with various games that press on the boundaries of consent.

How do parents navigate this type of situation? Talk about the concept of consent—again and again. While it’s understandable that tweens and teens in the thralls of hormonal changes are curious about sex, knowing what is and isn’t okay between two people is an absolute must.

Also, whether we want to admit it or not, it can be tricky for kids to actually use any tools they might have to set or respect boundaries when they’re older. Peer pressure and wanting to fit in sometimes make it more uncomfortable for kids to ask for consent or say no to unwanted advances.

“One reason to teach kids to ask for consent is that sometimes they are so focused on what they want that they don’t think about the other person’s feelings,” according to The Child Mind Institute. “Teenagers are naturally self-centered. They may think applying pressure is an appropriate way to get what they want.”

These conversations should be happening with both boys and girls because advances can happen to and by either sex; just remember to speak to your kids with zero judgment because they need to feel you are a safe space to share. Be empathetic, listen, and ask open-ended questions. You can also use simple phrases to respond that show you are just stating the facts, not judging your kids when they have something to say.

When giving kids the tools they need to deal with issues of consent, The Child Mind Institute suggests giving your children a set of questions or a mental list that allows them to check in with themselves. Questions like: “Do I feel safe?” “Is this what I want?” “Is this okay?” “Are you comfortable with this?” In addition, make sure they know that it is okay to say “NO,” and that if someone says “NO,” that’s it—game over.

This is big, scary stuff, but it isn’t new, and it’s not going away anytime soon. So, if your kid comes home asking or talking about the Fire Truck Game, take a moment to sit them down and start the conversation about what consent means for everyone involved.

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9 Subtle Responses That Get Kids Out of Uncomfortable Situations

by Priscilla Blossom

Saying no can be challenging as an adult, so it’s no wonder many children struggle with this seemingly simple phrase. While younger kiddos don’t care as much about outside approval, peer pressure grows as your child grows. So, how do we prepare our kids for the moment they find themselves dealing with peer pressure in an uncomfortable situation? How can we explain that they don’t always have to do what others want? We spoke with a few experts on why peer pressure is such a big deal and how to help our children navigate it while still saving face.

When does peer pressure begin, and why is it so effective?

Dr. Jenny Woo, founder and CEO of Mind Brain Emotion and creator of the award-winning 52 Essential Social Situations card game, breaks it down: “Peer pressure can begin as early as the preschool years when children are first exposed to peer dynamics outside the family. However, it tends to become much more pronounced and frequent during the preteen and teenage years.” As for why it’s so effective, Dr. Woo says this has to do with the fact that the adolescent brain is still evolving.

Miami-based licensed mental health counselor Nathalie Fleitas agrees, explaining that during this period, the brain undergoes substantial changes. “Particularly in areas responsible for social cognition and emotional processing, which includes the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making and impulse control, and the limbic system, which regulates emotions and reward processing. As these regions develop, adolescents become more attuned to social cues and more sensitive to peer influence,” she says.

Fleitas adds that preteens and teens are more prone to risk-taking behaviors due to heightened activity in brain regions associated with reward processing. “The presence of peers can amplify this tendency, as adolescents may perceive risky behaviors as a means to gain social approval or enhance their social status,” she says.

New York-based licensed mental health counselor Heiddi Zalamar attributes teasing, bullying, and fear of being ostracized as additional reasons why peer pressure is so effective among kids. “Other things to keep in mind are issues like high sensitivity, (children) not knowing what to say, or (if the child has) a developmental disability,” she says. 

Zalamar also points to social media playing a role in what kids perceive as “cool,” which can lead them toward doing things they’d rather not do. 

Dr. Woo agrees, stating that kids might feel pressured to curate a perfect image online, engage in cyberbullying, or participate in dangerous viral challenges. “24/7 online exposure has made peer pressure constant and inescapable—something many parents didn’t have to navigate growing up,” she says.

Here are some responses kids can use to get out of uncomfortable situations.

“No, I don’t do that.”

“This is a general statement that can shut down any invitation,” says Zalamar. Short and direct, it’s a great first line when pressured to engage in any activity the child would rather not do. And if someone asks why they don’t, the child can choose to respond with their reasons or say it’s no one’s business. This simple phrase may work better with younger kids who won’t face quite as much peer pressure.

“I’m not into that; let’s do [alternative activity] instead.”

Whether being pressured to drink, smoke, or do something else that feels like a bad idea, this response doesn’t just shut down the activity but also opens an opportunity to engage in healthier behaviors. “By suggesting an alternate plan, the child takes control of the situation and steers the attention away from the pressure topic,” says Dr. Woo. 

“No thanks, I’ve got too much on my plate with [school/sports/etc.].”

Similar to how adults may use the excuse of having an early day to get out of a late-night party or nightcap, kids can also rely on their previous engagements to avoid doing something while still saving face. This excuse “suggests a busy schedule and personal commitments as the reason for refusal. This way of dealing with peer pressure works best if someone wants your child to attend an event like a party, a sleepover, etc., that they’d rather skip,” explains Dr. Woo.

“My parents would kill me, and I can’t afford to be grounded right now.”

This strategy shifts the focus from not wanting to do the proposed action or activity to simply acknowledging that there may be consequences for engaging in it. “Blaming it on parental rules can take the pressure off the individual child,” says Dr. Woo. It might also help the child who suggested the idea to think twice and consider that they, too, may face consequences.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea (or this is sus); we might end up in trouble.”

If they don’t want to blame their parents directly, this is another solid alternative excuse. Additionally, it can be used to avoid actions that might cause them to end up in trouble with other authority figures like teachers, neighbors, or even the police. “This shows foresight and can remind peers of potential consequences,” says Dr. Woo.

“I have to leave now.” 

Zalamar says this one may work best when invited to places where kids know they aren’t allowed to go or don’t have permission. Parents can even help their kids with ideas on “why” they need to leave. For example, they forgot a piano class or told their cousin they would come to their house, etc. 

“Sorry, can’t help you with that.”

Zalamar says this may work best if someone asks to cheat or do their homework, as it’s a quick and easy way for a child to decline. You can always help your child add additional context depending on the situation.

For example, if being asked for the answers on a test, the child could lie and say they also didn’t study and are also guessing, or use one of the previous responses regarding not being able to afford to get in trouble again because their parents will end up not letting them go to a concert or movie they’ve been looking forward to.  

“I’m good; I don’t need to prove anything.”

Even in the volatile world of adolescence, there’s nothing cooler than someone confident in their decisions—especially among older teens. Have your child stand firmly in their convictions by simply letting their peers know they don’t need to prove themselves.

Turning down an offer to do anything they’re uncomfortable with in this way “indicates self-assurance and dismisses the challenge as unnecessary,” says Dr. Woo. It may even make others think twice about why they’re participating in the activity in the first place.

If all else fails, use a code.

This can work well for kids still heavily preoccupied with being pegged as “uncool” for turning their friends down. Many parents are now establishing such codes as using emojis or phrasing statements in certain ways in text and calls so that the parent knows to pick their child up or at least outwardly rescind permission. Kids can also establish these codes with siblings and trusted friends to get them out of hairy situations, like unwanted attention at a party or pressure to sleep over at someone’s house.

More tips on helping kids deal with peer pressure and uncomfortable situations

Zalamar says peer pressure can be especially effective with kids whose parents haven’t had these conversations, so it’s important to arm your kids with responses.

“Kids and parents alike can check out resources like YouTube videos and books that help with this, in addition to working with an experienced therapist. There are also programs and groups geared towards building well-being and expressing oneself in healthy ways,” she says. 

Dr. Woo adds that it can be helpful to role-play various scenarios at home. “Teaching children about the power of choice and helping them develop a strong sense of self can empower them to resist negative peer pressure,” she says. “Open communication about daily experiences can help kids and teens feel supported when they decide not to go along with the crowd.”

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9 Tween Behaviors Parents Shouldn’t Ignore

by Rachel Garlinghouse

My friends and I often discuss how parenting circles have warned us about how difficult it is to raise teenagers. However, nobody prepared us for the pre-game stage: raising tweens

As a mom of one teen, two tweens, and a first grader, I can attest that there is no easy parenting stage. Each age group of kids brings their own set of challenges. Arguably, we are the least prepared for raising tweens, who, according to The Cleveland Clinic, are also known as pre-adolescents between the ages of eight and twelve. They note these years are a “distinct developmental period not only physically, but also psychologically.” Tween behaviors often shock parents and caregivers because they’ve been told that the toddler and teen years should be the most behaviorally challenging.

Dr. Candice Jones, a board-certified pediatrician practicing in Florida, mom of two, author of High Five Discipline: Positive Parenting for Happy, Healthy, Well-Behaved Kids, and host of the podcast KIDing Around with Dr. Candice, is here to help us understand our tweens and their behaviors. Which acts are typical, and which should raise concern?

Changes in eating habits.

We all know our kids go through growth spurts, times when it seems they cannot possibly inhale enough food. Other times, they seem to live on light snacks. Though a tween’s eating habits are expected to ebb and flow, any drastic and long-standing changes should cause parents to pause. A child who seems to be counting calories, who refuses to eat dinner with the family, or who seems to be sneaking food and binging isn’t healthy. According to Dr. Jones, obsessing over food, avoiding food, or consuming far more or less than usual can be signs of depression, an eating disorder, or another physical health problem.

Drastic interest changes.

Your child couldn’t get enough baseball but suddenly wants to quit their team, pack up all their baseball memorabilia, and stop wearing their baseball graphic tees. What gives?

While it is normal for a child to change interests throughout their tween years, and they may desire to switch “hobbies, activities, or friends,” when a child has no interest at all, caregivers should be concerned. There could be an underlying issue, and you need to do some digging. Dr. Jones says perhaps your child has joined “the wrong crowd” and wants to drop their interest due to “peer pressure to feel cool, popular, or respected.” This could also be a sign that the child is depressed, or there’s a “why” behind them quitting their beloved activity, such as bullying. Parents need to approach their tween with curiosity, and if there is an issue, rope in a professional.    

Obsessing over someone.

“First crushes often happen during the tween period,” Dr. Jones says. However, if your tween is “excessively talking about, following, and communicating with just one person,” parents should see this as an opportunity to discuss what healthy relationships are and aren’t, while also trying to model healthy relationships and boundaries. This is also a good time to talk about self-worth and explain that talking to strangers or communicating with older kids (or adults) online in a flirtatious and secretive way is never okay. Keep close tabs on your child’s phone (if they have one), which can be a gateway to these conversations.

Complaints of pain.

The occasional headache, sinus pressure, or fever is normal for anyone. However, Dr. Jones shares that a child who complains of physical pains, like a constant stomach ache, could suffer from a mental health disorder. The problem could be physical, such as food intolerance, but stomach pain can also be a symptom of “anxiety or bullying.” According to Dr. Jones, you should take physical pain concerns to the pediatrician for evaluation and guidance.

Related: 11 Things Tweens Think They’re Ready to Do, But Aren’t

Acting secretive or sneaking their cell phone.

a girl sneaking her smartphone at night, a troubling tween behavior
iStock

 

Dr. Jones says that if a tween is doing this, caregivers should ask themselves if the child is responsible enough for a phone. If you decide they are, establish and enforce age and ability-appropriate rules surrounding cell phone usage, including times the phone can be used and which apps and games are allowed. If rules are being violated, Dr. Jones points out that while the child could be “seeking privacy and independence,” this could also be a red flag for hiding content. The key is communication with your child and enforcing consequences, such as losing access to the phone for a period when rules are violated.

Sudden and drastic sleep changes.

Yes, tweens and teens will have changes in their sleep patterns, especially during puberty when their bodies and brains are changing and growing. Dr. Jones notes that some of her patient’s cause of sleep changes is due to less adult supervision—parents might lighten up and allow the use of devices close to bedtime or allow the child to have screens in their bedrooms. “This is a recipe for deferring much-needed sleep,” she says.

And while a sleep-deprived kid may be “disinterested or even irritable” day to day, this isn’t the only reason a tween’s sleep may change. Dr. Jones says “physical and mental health problems,” and “recent trauma” can cause sleep disruption or deferral. She says parents need to “always investigate,” and then seek professional guidance, such as their child’s pediatrician.

Telling lies.

Fact: everyone lies at some point. However, Dr. Jones says tweens are becoming better at lying. Trying out a lie here or there isn’t a red flag, but “excessive lying is problematic because it can damage relationships, trust, and reputation.” Dr. Jones suggests that if parents notice their tween is lying more than ever, they need to “investigate their reasons and meet their needs.” They also may need to look inward because Dr. Jones notes that kids whose parents use forms of physical discipline are setting their children to tell untruths to avoid being harshly punished. She suggests a positive parenting approach where parents hold misbehavior accountable but also “reduce the need for lying as a survival tactic.”

Sudden grade changes.

If your student has a B average in school and starts failing multiple classes, there could be a few causes. Dr. Jones says one possibility is an undiagnosed learning disability “that unmasks as schoolwork becomes more challenging or the load is heavier.” Additionally, tweens face more social pressures during their middle school years, which can distract them from focusing on academics. Another possibility is a traumatic life event like the death of a loved one. The key, Dr. Jones says, is to communicate with your child and seek extra help if needed.

Mood swings.

Tweens inching toward their teen years will inevitably face “mood changes, testing of limits, and struggles for independence.” Dr. Jones assures us that these are typical. However, it’s how we help our children deal with the myriad of pressures and changes that can make or break the tween. Caregivers need to help their tween manage behaviors “in a peaceful and guiding way.” If parents notice that the tween’s mood shifts are drastic to the point of causing harm to themselves or others, or if “they impact functioning in daily life,” the caregiver needs to take the child to the pediatrician. If the tween has shifted into a new way of existing, such as never wanting to leave their bedroom, not even for basics like food, this is a red flag.

It’s helpful for caregivers of tweens to do research on parenting during the tween years, as well as typical tween development and behaviors. When a tween behaves in a way that’s out of the ordinary for their age group, Dr. Jones wants parents to pay attention and get help, if needed. These smaller behaviors can be “the first signals something is going wrong,” and we should take the “earliest opportunity to help them.”

Related: The Most Important Things to Say to Your Tween (That Aren’t ‘I Love You’)

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The Words Every Tween Doesn’t Want to Hear (but Should)

by Priscilla Blossom

Here’s how to offer advice to tweens and get them to actually listen

While most everyone knows about the rebelliousness of the teen years, not enough is said about that period when the defiance and know-it-all-isms initially begin: the tween years. Also known as the pre-adolescent years (roughly between ages 9 and 12), tweendom can be a challenging time to parent through. For one, your kids often still look, act, and sound like young children. It’s hard to recognize that they’re growing up when they’re still cuddling teddy bears and asking for kisses on booboos.

But the truth is that as they are slowly shedding childlike tendencies, they’re also looking toward the future. They’re looking up to older siblings, cousins, and neighbors. They’re hoping to act more “mature” while not yet having the capacity to be. And even though they might start rolling their eyes more at doting parents, they still very much need tons of guidance and support. As parents and caregivers, you might be wondering how to talk to tweens so that they really listen. We spoke to a few experts on what words of wisdom or other advice for tweens we should be imparting, and these are some of the things they had to say.

“My job as your parent is to keep you safe.”

Sarah Baroud, a clinical social worker who focuses on parenthood, reminds parents that they need to let their kids know that they’ve got their child’s best interest in mind. “Sometimes doing what’s right is not fun or easy, but it’s necessary,” says Baroud. After all, as the adult, you have the benefit of being more aware of the dangers that kids (and tweens) just have very little understanding of.

“It doesn’t matter what your friends are doing. These are the rules in our house.”

Baroud reminds parents that comparisons start early, but that doesn’t mean we have to bend to our child’s will. “This goes against the often intense peer pressure that tweens feel,” says Baroud. “However, we know boundaries and structure are crucial for development.” Helping your child understand that the same rules don’t always have to (or should) apply to every person and that some parents may have different beliefs and values guiding these rules, can be useful in these situations.

“I know what it’s like.”

“Tweens may not want to hear (or believe) stories of our life experiences but we certainly learn a lot by growing up and can relate to what they are going through in many ways,” says Baroud. Being honest with our kids about our experiences (including mistakes we’ve made, and consequences we’ve faced as a result) can sometimes help tweens connect with us more.

“Establish a support system and don’t wait to ask for help.”

Susan P. Horton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and bestselling author of “Raising a Resilient Family: How to Create Strong Connection and Communication in a Deeply Distracted World,” says that parents should talk with their tweens about building a network of friends, family and trusted adults at a time when they are on the precipice of so many big changes (like puberty and middle school). “Having emotional support and someone to talk to can make a difference when managing stress,” says Horton. She recommends parents encourage their tweens to “talk to a trusted adult, school counselor or mental health professional when struggling with mental health or overwhelming thoughts.”

“Practice self-care.”

Self-care talk is often marketed toward adults these days, but tweens should also hear these reminders from their parents. Horton says some ways to help your tween learn about self-care is by reminding them to “set boundaries online,” and “engage in offline interests that promote connection and personal growth.” Help your tween identify some of these interests (whether it’s sports, music, art, or spending time in nature) and find ways to support them.

“Set realistic goals and practice time management.”

You’ve been managing most things for your child up to this point, but while tweens might initially struggle with having to set their own goals and work on their time management, you won’t do them any favors by giving in. Teach tweens to “break down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps. This reduces overwhelming feelings and increases a sense of accomplishment,” says Horton. She recommends getting your child an agenda or planner and helping them create a schedule to stay organized and reduce their stress related to deadlines. They will appreciate it in time.

“Be kind to everyone, even if they aren’t your friend.”

a dad who knows how to talk to a tween
iStock

 

Michelle Felder, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Parenting Pathfinders reminds parents to let tweens know that the way they treat others matters. At a phase when cliques and bullying can become more rampant, it’s exactly the right time to show tweens that they should be striving for kindness. “Your words have the power to build people up or tear them down, and how you make people feel sticks with them,” says Felder.

“Peer pressure can be hard to deal with, so if you’re ever in a situation where your friends are encouraging you to do something that you don’t want to do or don’t think you should do, trust your gut.”

Tweens often face lots of peer pressure to say and do things they might not want to go through with. It’s a difficult phase when they’re navigating the idea of being liked and the fear of being ostracized, which makes it especially important for parents to discuss these matters even if tweens don’t want to hear it at first. Felder suggests telling tweens to listen “to the little voice inside of (them, which) will help (them) make the best choice.”

“It’s ok that friendships end, even when the ending hurts.”

The tween years are when friendships slowly start to become much more important in the lives of children. But while friendships are important, tweens need to know that “not every friendship is meant to last forever, and most of them won’t,” says Felder. Help your tweens recognize when a friendship is no longer serving them (e.g. if their friend is bullying them, pressuring them to do things they don’t want to do, or is generally feeding negativity their way), and let them know there’s always a choice. The same goes for reminding them that if a friend decides they want to end the friendship, it’s not the end of the world, and they’ll go on to make new friends.

“Feelings change, no matter how much your mind may try to convince you that they won’t.”

With the onset of puberty and hormone fluctuations come very intense emotions. For tweens, that can mean major mood swings and feeling like small problems are extremely huge ones when in reality, they might not be. Felder recommends telling tweens to “just give it time. The highs and lows will all come and go.”

“It’s easier to be yourself than to try to be anyone else.”

Be yourself is great advice for anyone at any age, but it’s especially important to cement that idea into the minds of tweens, who often worry about fitting in and what others might think. It’s especially difficult when tweens might still want to hold on to some of the things they loved as younger children but feel like they can’t because older tweens might think they’re being “babyish.” “A true friend will love you just the way you are,” Felder says.

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6 Parent-Focused Podcasts Hosted by Chicago Moms & Dads

by Amy Bizzarri

The best thing about podcasts? You can listen to them anytime, anywhere, whether you’re washing dishes, cleaning out the fridge, or watching that episode of Peppa Pig with your toddler for the 1,000th time. 

Forget the Golden Age of Radio. We’re living in the Golden Age of Podcasts. And how would we survive without them? If you’re looking for another way to pass the time while pumping or to make a long drive a little more digestible, add these parent-focused podcasts hosted by Chicago moms and dads to your library STAT. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CY8AuOpjvsI/?hidecaption=true

The Modern Mom Collective with Kate Mohan

Short but sweet episodes on Real-life topics, tools + conversation empowering ambitious Moms in their careers hosted by Chicago Mom and Marketing Executive Kate Mohan. Check out her episodes on Working Mom Must-Haves and Top Time Management Tips for Moms.

Instagram: @themodernmomcollective

Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them

Carmelita Tiu is a Chicagoland mom raising daughters and knows firsthand how hard it is to raise a daughter and juggle life's other demands — health, career, relationships, finances, etc. Her insightful podcast, Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them, is a must-listen for parents of teens and tweens, thanks to short but info-packed episodes (under 20 minutes) that tackle topics like boundaries, self-care, confidence, tween/teen girl friendships, peer pressure, consent/dating, body image, gender stereotypes, stress and more.

Instagram: @knowberaisethem

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSm-kwyAjqH/?hidecaption=true

Thirsty: The Podcast

A global pandemic seemed like the perfect time to re-enter the dating pool for Chicagoland moms Laura Koo and Heather McG, the hosts of Thirsty. These two single moms are navigating today's swipe-a-holic dating culture and sharing the deets in their fun podcast, answering important questions such as How do you laugh at yourself after going on trainwreck dates that you probably should have avoided?

Instagram: @thirstythepodcast

Zen Parenting Radio

Todd Adams, a self-described 'logical and practical dad' and Cathy Cassani Adams, a 'spiritual and emotional mom,' are the Chicagoland-based parents to three daughters. They also host Zen Parenting Radio, a podcast packed with enlightening discussions on self-awareness, reminding parents everywhere to be ever more mindful, self-aware, and compassionate in how we parent our kids.

Instagram: @zenparentingradio

Dadwell

Struggling to strike a balance between parenthood and your creative life? Antonio García is a Chicago-based design leader and host of the Dadwell podcast. Every episode explores a different dad's creative practice, fathering philosophy, and practical tips for navigating parenthood and life.

Instagram: @dadwell

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9FfGGMBJZM/?hidecaption=true

On Purpose: The Heidi Stevens And Dr. John Duffy Podcast

Balancing Act columnist Heidi Stevens, a Chicago mom of two and popular local columnist, and family therapist John Duffy discuss the news and topics that impact our parenting, marriages, and friendships in this weekly podcast. Recent topics include the growing tendency for young adults to retreat into video games, changing views about relationships and marriage amongst youngsters and essential conversations to have with your teen or tween before they start high school. 

Instagram: @heidikstevens & @drjohnduffy

— Amy Bizzarri

Featured photo: StockSnap via Pixabay 

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The Power of Art Therapy for Kids & 5 Exercises to Try at Home

By Rachel Perez

Art therapy can be a potent tool for children. Promoting self-esteem and creativity, art therapy allows children to express what their words fail to do. Indeed, working with art leads to tangible creations that give representation to their thoughts and feelings.

The Importance of Art in Your Kid’s Life

Art is an essential part of life. It allows children to express their feelings and emotions in a world that is often too big for them.

However, art also leads to growth in other areas, as well. For example, art lets children:

  • Hone their creativity and problem-solving.

  • Improve their motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

  • Boost their critical and reflective thinking skills.

  • Develop friendships with like-minded children.

Even without artistic talents, engaging in art endeavors allows children to self-soothe—helping them work through issues in healthy and controlled methods.

Art also provides children an outlet for them to be their true selves. Kids can suffer from a massive influx of stimuli from the world around them. Developing a clear personal identification can often be swayed by trending topics and peer pressure. Art, on the other hand, allows kids to see what’s truly important to them and how they feel about themselves.

All in all, art is an excellent resource for growth and development. And, adults can help enhance these benefits and help talents bloom.

Art therapy can take many forms but here are five different art therapy prompts that any child can use.

Art Therapy Prompts & Exercises

1. “How I Feel Today” Worksheet
Understanding the self is an important step for children. Using this “How I Feel Today” printout, kids can set color and design to their emotions. The worksheet prompts children to create a color key that indicates their various emotions. They can then color where they feel those particular emotions throughout their body.

This kind of mindful thinking allows children to control their thoughts and body better. If a child understands where and how they “feel their feelings,” they can better identify the source of their emotions.

2. Relax & Color
Similarly, coloring allows children to sink into their own minds while they create. Instruct your child to focus on relaxing while they color. Choose fun pictures and coloring sheets that they will enjoy.

Variations of this exercise include finding a peaceful outdoor location to color. Or, using the non-dominant hand for a bit of silly fun. Whichever route, this exercise is designed to prompt positive introspection during creativity.

3. Create a Grateful Collage
Collages are a creative way to hone motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and problem-solving. There are also innumerable st‌yles and designs that kids can follow. This prompt focuses on collages that showcase what a child is grateful for.

With such a subject, this exercise will promote happiness and self-awareness. It will also help children identify the objects and people that mean the most to them. Best of all, these collages can (and should) be as exciting and bright as possible. So encourage your kids to use a variety of materials.

4. Paint to Music
Painting is a great activity for children; it helps them explore colors and art with little risk. As they can see the direct result of placing brush to paper, painting helps kids understand cause and effect. Even very young children can experience these thoughts and emotions.

Children can inject an extra emotional boost into their art by adding music. Music prompts dancing, singing, and movement, which should be encouraged while painting. Music can also help draw out emotions, which can be conveyed onto the canvas. This can lead to an easier expression of ideas and thoughts.

5. Pilot Your Dreams
While art should be fun, it should also lead to thought. Even the simple act of folding a paper airplane can be an opportune time for kids to express their emotions. In this paper-plane-making exercise, instruct your children to draw a happy dream on one side of the paper. On the other side, draw a nightmare or other negative thoughts.

When they fold the plane, they should reflect on the happy dream. Ask them what their image represents. Why does it make them happy? Likewise, have them explain their nightmare image. This allows them to work through their intangible thoughts. Then, by throwing the plane through the air, they can “let go” of their negative thoughts.

Art therapy is a gentle tool that most children will instantly love. Since the possibilities are endless, you can tailor these exercises to your child’s interests, as long as your child enjoys the activity. Helping your kids recognize and express their emotions through art allows for self-examination and growth—a powerful boon for developing minds.

Hi! I'm an Outreach Associate with North Star Inbound. An honors graduate of New York University, I love to contribute artistic blog post and teaching pieces. When I'm not writing, I love to garden with my mom, go bowling with my nieces and spend time in the Florida sunshine.

 

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8 Ways to Help Kids Find Their Voices (& Get Out of Their Way)

By Michele Borba

As parents, we often jump in and speak for our children. We do this because we mean well and want to protect them. And so, we step in and handle things for them in a lot of little ways every day. This doesn’t do kids any favors. In fact, it could be holding them back.

Parents think they’re doing the right thing by sweeping in and taking charge, but in truth, we are robbing them by rescuing them. Each time we helicopter, solve their problems and speak up in their place, we take away some of our children’s power to figure things out on their own. We’re doing this in part to calm our own nervousness and worries about wanting them to succeed, but in the end, it prevents our children from gaining confidence and learning to stand up for themselves.

Overprotection is a toxic recipe for curiosity and thriving. It increases kids’ fragility, dependence, stress, and risk aversion, reduces resilience, kills creativity, and expands emptiness. “Agency” is a strong commonality of thrivers.

Further, if you’re always speaking for your kids, they will grow to depend on you and will not develop the self-confidence they need. (And this is one of the reasons so many kids today are struggling to cope with life’s curveballs). But when you get out of their way, kids don’t have to turn to you for every problem. They develop an awareness of their own strength and can say “I got this” (and really mean it). In other words, they become Thrivers.

Thrivers is my term for mentally tough children that have a sense of control over their lives and flourish in a rapidly changing world. They find their own voice and learn to say, “I got this” when they face challenges, and they have developed the seven essential character strengths that build resilience. (You can read more about Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine).

A Few Tips to Help Your Kids Start Speaking Up:

Start noticing when you’re doing all the talking. Yes, you may mean well, but this prevents your child from thinking for himself or herself. You may be even more likely to “rescue” your child if he or she is shy. When kids are quiet, shy, or appear to be stymied, it can feel natural to jump right in and speak for them. Resist this urge and soon your child will realize that you expect them to come up with their own responses, even if it takes a while.

Make your child start speaking for himself or herself. Practice stepping back and waiting patiently for your child to answer when someone asks them a question, or while they figure out a solution to a problem they are presented with. Give them plenty of time to warm up and allow them the time and space to come through with their response. Take this approach even for little things—it’s the simple everyday experiences that will add up and teach them to manage their own voice.

Give them opportunities to speak out at home. Kids need practice in finding their voice and developing opinions so they can confidently voice their views. The Three A’s can help your child develop strong reasoning and ethical assertiveness:

  • Allow disagreement. The best place for kids to learn to speak up is at home, so hold family meetings to address anything from family concerns (allowances, chores) to world issues (poverty, bullying). Set clear rules: Everyone gets a turn and has equal airtime. Listen to each person’s full idea. No put-downs allowed. Encourage your child to express opinions and when disagreements come up, help them offer a strong “why.”

  • Ask questions. Use prompts to help kids think about moral issues and defend their views. Such as: Who do you admire? List three of that person’s admirable qualities. Or: Describe an incident or event from which you learned a lesson the hard way.

  • Assert your beliefs. Kids need our permission to speak up and recognize that we expect them to do the right thing. And we must teach kids that having integrity isn’t easy, standing up for moral beliefs is hard, and peer pressure is intense. Practice together until they can do so without guidance.

Get them comfortable with taking risks. Support your child by giving them permission to stray off course. Let them know they can be passionate about their original ideas and willing to defend them, even if it means deviating from the norm. Further, encourage them to stretch their comfort zones by encouraging them to take a few low risks: “Write down your thought first so you have the courage to share it with the class.” “Tell your teacher your thought after class.”

Come up with a script and practice it until they are comfortable speaking for themselves. Sooner or later your child will need to talk one-on-one with a coach, a teacher, or a peer. This is a good time to help them plan what they would like to say and practice it ahead of time. Remind them, “Hey, you’ve got this. Let’s practice what you want to say together. Or, you can rehearse it in front of a mirror until you can do it on your own.”

Show them how to stand up for themselves. Emphasize that while you can’t control what another person says or does, you can control how you respond. So help your child learn to self-advocate by using the strategy CALM:

  • C: Chill. There are two quick ways to appear calmer and more confident: 1. Uncross your legs and arms; 2. Make your voice sound not too soft (meek) or harsh (angry).

  • A: Assert. Brainstorm a few assertive lines that your child can say in difficult situations like, “Not cool.” “Cut it out.” “I don’t want to!” Firm, short statements work best.

  • L: Look strong. Kids are taken less seriously if they look vulnerable so teach these assertive body language senders: Hold your head high and look eye to eye, pull your shoulders back, keep your arms at your sides, and keep your feet placed firmly on the ground.

  • M: Mean it. Help your child practice assertive voice tone: It should be strong and firm, but not yelling or angry.

If you always defend your child, they won’t develop inner confidence and will rely on you. From this moment on, step back and help your child learn to speak for themself.

Make them practice every day. As a rule, encourage your kids to speak for themselves in age-appropriate ways every day. Coach younger children to raise their hand at least once a day to answer a question in class and to place their own food orders at restaurants. Older kids can call to schedule their own doctor appointments or apply for summer jobs without your supervision.

Remind them (and yourself) that it’s okay if they struggle. Explain to your child that setbacks and mistakes are okay. If they mess up, encourage them to try again. Ultimately, these setbacks will help your child take a big step forward. And remember that as a parent, watching the struggle may be very difficult for you as well. Don’t rescue them.

Keep in mind that your goal is to prepare your kids to live without you someday. It’s never too early to start helping them build their independence. Give them plenty of encouragement and praise. Celebrate successes, however large or small. It’s not easy for children to push themselves outside of their comfort zones, so be sure to let them know they are doing a great job. This will encourage them to keep speaking up and increase their confidence.

We tend to put all our focus on big things but it’s all those little things that are a part of daily life that turn out to be so powerful. When kids learn to speak for themselves, they develop self-confidence from the inside out. And as one of the seven essential strengths that make a Thriver, self-confidence is a superpower every child must develop.

Every parent wants their child to have a sense of purpose and meaning in their own life. By helping our kids speak for themselves, we are setting them up to follow their own path and live up to their real potential with the confidence and joy to thrive.

Michele Borba, Ed.D., is the author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, and is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. For more information, please visit https://www.micheleborba.com/.

 

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This New R.L. Stine Show Is Beyond Intense & Perfect for Big Kids

by Karly Wood

If you grew up creeping out to the writings of R.L. Stine, you’ll be excited to learn his imagination has inspired a brand new series. Just Beyond, a Disney+ eight episode anthology is coming to the platform to share brand new stories that will raise the hair on the back of your neck.

The series centers on a reality “just beyond” what we know in real life, with each episode introducing different characters. As viewers follow along, they’ll encounter supernatural ghosts, aliens and parallel universes, all while experiencing a journey of self discovery.

Not only does the series give off big-kid scary vibes, it also touches on important topics such as bullying, peer pressure and anxiety among teenagers. While the show will stream on Disney+, notable for tons of family-friendly content, this particular series is not for littles.

Just Beyond premieres on Wed. Oct. 13 only on Disney+.

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: Courtesy of Disney+

 

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Want to Win at Parenting? Try These Tips

By Nina Meehan

Full disclosure…I feel really awkward writing a blog post about my parenting “wins” or “successes” because, honestly, it seems like I’m bragging or saying that I’m doing an Instagram-worthy job of parenting at all times. So, here is my reality: sometimes I win and a lot of times I’m in learning mode and then I have moments of TOTAL FAILURE parenting. I think we all have these three modes, but I have recently found three parenting tips that are totally working for my family and I thought it would be worth sharing in case they can help another mom or dad move into the win category for one more moment of their week.

Parenting Win #1: The Family Breakfast

When my kids were little, we sat down for dinner together every night we possibly could at just about 6 p.m. I read all the studies and I know that family meals have huge correlation to a positive family connection, fight childhood obesity, better academic performance, higher self-esteem, etc. But, now that my boys are older, their afterschool activities consistently encroach on the 6 o’clock hour and those activities are super positive for the boys. But, my four-year-old can’t wait for dinner until after 7 p.m. when the older boys are finished at the pool or the gym. 

So, what’s a mom to do? Enter the family breakfast! If we can’t sit down for family dinner consistently, why not breakfast? We started by piloting one week over the summer when there wasn’t a time crunch to get to school. We all gathered at 6:45 a.m. And it worked! We all sat down and connected at the beginning of the day. And it was delightful!

When the school year began, we really went for it. At first, it was hard to get the rhythm going—the kids had to wake up 15 minutes earlier. But, once we figured out the ins and outs, this has become a routine that is really working. 

Some things we learned that I hope are helpful for you:

  • Don’t try to make anything fancier than a normal school day breakfast. If your kids like Cheerios, they should eat Cheerios.  
  • If you have one naysayer, do it anyways! Positive peer pressure will win the day.

Parenting Win #2: Conversation Topics Assigned to Each Day of the Week

This win is directly connected to family breakfast for my family, but it really could be any time of the day like afternoon pick-up from school, family dinner, or part of a bedtime ritual. We have a different topic of conversation for each day of the week and the kids helped come up with these:

  • Monday: What are you looking forward to this week?
  • Tuesday: What are you reading or writing?
  • Wednesday: What is something interesting you heard or learned recently?
  • Thursday: What is something that happened recently where you learned from making a mistake?
  • Friday: Gratitude Friday

Why is this a Win? Well, for starters, since implementing these questions, we have a more varied and interesting conversation as a family than we have had in years. It’s so easy to get stuck in the “What are you doing at school?” or “How is work?” rut. Those questions are important, but how do you peel back the onion layers to get at something new or different? These questions also give space for the adults to be vulnerable in front of our kids and to connect with their kids on shared interests. I would say that for us, having the structure of pre-determined conversation topics has opened the door to much more freedom in how we are all conversing. 

Parenting Win #3: Audiobooks and Podcasts

We are all battling the world that is technology these days. What is a good use? What is inappropriate? What is educational? How much is too much? I don’t know any parent who isn’t struggling with this to some degree as kids are getting phones and iPads younger and younger. So, my recent parenting win is that using the iPhone app screen time settings by limiting our kid’s ability to access anything other than audible and podcasts. And, wouldn’t you know it, the kids have taken to listening to all sorts of fantastic shows and books I don’t feel guilty, they think they are getting screen time and they are listening to something that often I enjoy too….a big win all around. Listening to stories is a tradition as old as time, why not embrace our modern versions of that? We are using these in the car, before bed, on lazy Saturdays, and on boring shopping trips that kids get dragged on.

Here are a few of our favorites that will entertain a span of ages:

Harry Potter Audiobook

Inkheart on Audiobook (a little scary for the 4-year-old)

Smash Boom Best

Brains On

Molly of Denali (more popular with the younger 2)

Circle Round

 

Nina Meehan is CEO and Founder Bay Area Children's Theatre and the host of the Creative Parenting Podcast. An internationally recognized expert in youth development through the arts, Nina nurtures innovation by fostering creative thinking. She is mom to Toby (13), Robby (10) and Meadow (5).  

   

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