ML Interest Tag: perseverance

5 Things Encantos Will Teach Your Kiddo

by Kenzie Kramer
Partner Content

What’s the first thing kids ask for when they come home from school (besides a snack)? Encantos! This new educational app features stories from diverse creators, fused with curriculum-based learning. A “storyteaching” platform, Encantos is designed to meet kiddos exactly where they are in their learning journey. From games to books, songs to Storycast series, there’s no shortage of engaging content for your little one to explore.

Here are 5 things Encantos will teach your child:

Tinybeans users can get 3 months of Encantos free with the purchase of an annual subscription with the promo code TINY15 at Encantosworld.com. Offer only available online, not through App Store.

Kids Love Learning When Learning Is Fun

Quizzing your kiddo about shapes, numbers, colors and letters doesn’t always get greeted with excitement. But playing games that weave in learning? Those are major crowd-pleasers. Encantos makes learning fun by using stories, entertainment and games to teach. “Break” a piñata and drag the fallen candy (disguised as letters or colors) to the matching bag. Give Benji the elephant a bath by popping bubbles with a certain shape. See how the Monster Math Squad uses their math skills to take on any obstacle that comes their way. There’s even a parent-approved setting that lets children take a selfie to appear in Encantos’ stories.

There’s a Big World Out There

Whether you’re in a bustling city or small town, it’s simple for kids to be transported to faraway places and gain a deeper understanding of our world. With the Tiny Travelers, read fascinating stories about life in India, China, Japan and Puerto Rico. Get immersed in other cultures by crafting Peruvian Spin Drums, Guatemalan Worry Dolls, Chinese Fans, Russian Nesting Dolls and so much more. Discover interesting ways of life, all around the globe. Another great benefit of this app is that many stories are offered in English or Spanish.

Tinybeans users can get 3 months of Encantos free with the purchase of an annual subscription with the promo code TINY15 at Encantosworld.com. Offer only available online, not through App Store.

Kids Will Be Inspired by the Characters They “Meet”

One of the coolest parts of Encantos’ series is that they feature characters from all walks of life, facing different challenges. Head to Aurora Bay and hang out with Wally the Worried Walrus as he helps kids know they aren’t alone in their worries. Wally shares breath, visualization and communication techniques to manage fears and thrive. (Pro tip: Even parents can benefit from watching Wally!) Another great series is Tyrus’ Kids, which highlights that every voice has a place, anyone can be a leader and achieving your dreams is always possible.

There Are Helpful Tools to Overcome Obstacles

Skeletina has her own special way of helping children navigate their fears and anxieties—all with humor and a relentless pursuit of a solution. In Ella Bella Bingo, Ella gets in all sorts of "Uh-oh, what a pickle!" moments—finding clever, collaborative ways to work through a problem. Kids learn the importance of perseverance, that mistakes are a normal part of life and leaning on others can help!

Being Creative Is Awesome

Pirates aren’t just prowling the sea for buried treasure. The jolly crew in Pirates: Adventures in Art is on a mission to discover and restore lost art. So grab your suitcase and hop on board for an awe-inspiring journey. And speaking of pirates… Join Story Pirate Alex on hilarious adventures, showcasing original stories written by real kids. Your children will find themselves immersed in interactive creative writing lessons that expand their imaginations!

Encantos is chock full of content the fits your kiddo’s age and interests, and its fun games and stories make it easy to win the battle between entertainment and education at home—a win-win for you and your little one!

Tinybeans users can get 3 months of Encantos free with the purchase of an annual subscription with the promo code TINY15 at Encantosworld.com. Offer only available online, not through App Store.

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Starbucks Has New Halloween Tumblers That Glow in the Dark

by Sarah Shebek

If you’re a Starbucks fanatic, you probably know the company drops seasonal merch at locations nationwide—often without official fanfare. But thanks to social media, we know that the coffee giant has some really cool cup offerings this fall, including glow in the dark options!

In August the Internet started to buzz about a colorful cup drop to mark the changing of the seasons. Fans have found neon studded tumblers, pearlescent swirled tumblers and metallic pearl hot cups with a bit of luck and perseverance. Personally we’re fans of that dark green shimmery swirl!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSzCKgrriVQ/?utm_medium=copy_link

But with Halloween just around the corner, the hunt is on for new glow in the dark cups. Eagle-eyed shoppers have found these popping up at their local ‘Bucks and it looks like they even come with stickers! Whether you’re looking for classic cobwebs or prefer a black cat cup, you’re in luck.

Rumor has it the Halloween cups will officially drop next week, but it’s pretty clear you can find them at some locations now. Happy hunting!

—Sarah Shebek

Featured photo courtesy of raise.them.inclusive on Instagram

 

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Easy Play Projects That Get Kids to Play All Day

By Meghan Fitzgerald

Photo: Meghan Fitzgerald via Tinkergarten

Play is important for all kids, especially when it’s child-led, meaning, the actions, discoveries and inventions feel like a child’s own.

There’s even a whole range of types of play, including free, independent play where kids make up the rules and play guided by adults. 

The good news? We don’t have to entertain our children all the time. The quality of the time we spend as play partners matters far more than the quantity.

Often, getting kids to play independently is easier said than done. Enter: Play projects.

A play project revolves around a real-world theme: During the summer 2021 at Tinkergarten, for example, we transformed our homes and outdoor classrooms into “campsites” as part of our camping play project. Leaders helped families work together to add objects, adapt the setting and invent new ways to play in response to our “camping” theme.

This concept of project play is not new. “The Project Approach” is an established way of teaching in which teachers guide students through in-depth studies of real-world topics. Children’s museums also offer immersive experiences that invite pretend play around themes like the supermarket or the hospital. 

It is easy to set up play projects in your own space. To get started, think of play projects in two phases: Setting up the environment and negotiating the play.

Phase 1: Setting Up the Project

The play environment is both the physical setting along with the objects, materials, themes and ideas. You don’t need to create a museum-level experience. In fact, kids learn much more when you start simple and co-create the experience bit by bit, over time.

During a previous summer’s Tinkergarten theme, kids immersed themselves in all things outer space for our Space Camp week. Outer space is captivating for kids and adults alike, making it a perfect play project to stoke the imagination and get kids hooked on science. 

Here’s how to kick off an outer space play project at home: 

  • Gather up a few household objects
  • Head outdoors
  • Look up at the sky and wonder aloud, “What do you think it would be like to go to outer space? Do you think we could use these materials to pretend that we are going on a trip to the moon/another planet? Wonder together how you would get there. What would you see and do when you arrived?”
  • If kids hear this invitation and run with it, let the play roll and join in alongside, following their lead. If kids lull or shift interest, all is not lost—if the project is “sticky” they’ll come back to it.

Phase 2: Negotiating the Play

Once a project takes hold, collaborate with kids to play and develop the environment over time.

Educators in the Project Approach think of this as “negotiating the curriculum.” It’s like a game of catch. We toss out a new material, idea or question. Then, we let kids decide how they want to respond. As we play, we can volley back and forth, always following their lead. This give-and-take approach gives us a supportive way to enrich play but also keeps kids in charge and helps us and our kids develop responsive relationships.

What does negotiating the play look like?

Here’s how the back-and-forth could work for outer space project play:

  • Wonder & Make: Talk to kids about what else you could make for your trip to outer space. Then, work together to use open-ended objects (nature objects, recyclables, cloth, etc.) to create new props. Cardboard boxes can become rocketships. Nature objects and small objects can become buttons and dials on their space vehicle. Rocks and mud can be arranged to create a landing spot on the moon. 
  • Read and learn about space: Visit the library and wonder if there are books about outer space to read. One of our favorites is My Rainy Day Rocketship by Markette Sheppard. The Mars Perseverance Rover Interactive site has photos and video taken on Mars and from the 2020 mission. 
  • Discover the night sky: Take kids on a nighttime walk to behold the moon and stars. If a nighttime walk interferes with your child’s bedtime, look at constellations on apps like SkyView, Star Tracker & Star Walk. 
  • Plant open-ended material: Place a few simple objects, like a magnifying glass, paintbrush or bucket into the play area and see what kids do with it—maybe they become tools for excavating and collecting space rocks and other interesting specimens. 

As the project persists, kids will iterate and invent with and without you. When young kids repeat play within the same theme, important neural connections are strengthened. 

No matter how you begin, remember, it should start simple and grow naturally. The process of wondering, inventing, pretending drives the learning. Sharing in this process together connects us to our kids and helps kids learn how to create their own play projects, making their independent play forever more rich and engaging.

For Your First Project:

  1. Pick a Project: What do your kids find most exciting or interesting? Dinosaurs? Art? Cats? Superheroes? Or try out one of the themes below.
  2. Set it up: What environment would inspire play that revolves around that theme? Is there a home or other space in which this play could unfold? How could you mark off a corner of the yard, park or room that could be that space? What first few things do you need to get started?
  3. Add a few props: What ordinary objects could become props in the play? Sticks, dirt, etc.? Having objects ready can help you to wonder with kids about what you’d need to play.
  4. Wonder: Talk together about what you could wear, build or make. 
  5. Play: Start to become the characters or people at the center of your project. So much pretending (and empathy) can come from this. Unicorns have horns, need to eat, have a safe place to sleep.
  6. Read and get more ideas: Read a book about unicorns, and you have gobs of material to bring into your project.
  7. Let it roll: Keep the project up and running, even if your child’s interest ebbs and flows. Then, when it’s clear they’ve moved on, try a new project.

Sample play project topics: Cooking, cats or dogs, bird’s nest, forest, Imaginary creatures, pirate ship, treasure hunt, restaurant, farming, construction and art studio.

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This post originally appeared on tinkergarten.com.

After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning. 

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Dear Daughters, I Saw Your Struggles This School Year

By Jamie Edelbrock

Dear Daughters,

This week is the last week of school before summer break begins, and what a year it has been. During a global pandemic, online school, and several hardships, you made it.

This school year was rough. You spent the school year at home, working on makeshift desks. Your schoolwork was scattered around your bedroom floors instead of in lockers or cubbies. You couldn’t stand side by side with your friends during concerts, plays, and performances. There have been no laughter-filled cafeterias, crowded hallways, trips to the school library, or bumpy field trip bus rides.

Your teachers worked with you through computer screens and zoom squares, your counselors supported you, and your peers wanted to be with you. However, I was the lucky one to see you in person every day this school year.

I saw all of you overcome social anxiety and show your face on zoom. I saw you make new friends and include the ones that were left out. I saw you stand up for yourself when you were mistreated. I saw you advocate for yourself, block bullies, and speak up. I saw you work hard even when not feeling up to it. I saw you overcome stage fright to sing your song and act in your play. I saw you try new foods and conquer new recipes. I saw you fix broken technology, read new books, and learn new languages. I saw you gain patience as you worked through frustrating assignments. I saw you come up with practical solutions for tough projects. I saw you become best friends with each other. I saw you swallow your pride, and you ask when you needed help. I saw you take breaks when you needed peace. I saw you keep going when you wanted to give up. I saw you help around the house without being asked, and I saw you take pride in your personal space. With our home as your classroom, I got to see you grow smarter, wiser, and kinder every day.

The solitude was unfair, and I am sorry there are no in-person ceremonies or celebrations with certificates. Your achievements deserve to be celebrated. So, as you close your laptops one last time this school year, know that if it were up to me, dear daughters, you would win the award for resilience, and you would get honors in strength and a medal for perseverance.

You will never forget this school year; it was unlike any other. As you prepare for in-person school again, I hope that you hold your mom-given accolades in your heart. For they hold lessons of bravery wrapped in love, and they shaped you into who you are now. Stronger, braver, brighter, and ready for whatever comes next. I am proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too.

I love you.

—Mom

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This post originally appeared on www.jamieedelbrock.com.

Jamie is married to her high school sweetheart and has three beautiful daughters. Through years of experience working with children, and raising her own, she knows how difficult parenting can be. She is an advocate for children's mental health and is best known for her creativity, optimism, and kind heart.

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“We Can Do Hard Things:” Building Resilience in Kids

By PBS KIDS

My 6-year-old was excited to make a star out of sticks and string, but as the materials tangled, his frustration spiked. So we took a break and went on a walk together.

“Do you remember when you were learning how to ride a bike?” I said. “You fell down a lot at first, and you got really frustrated sometimes, but you didn’t give up. Now you ride around like a pro. Everything new takes practice, but you always figure it out.”

Childhood is all about growing, on the outside and inside. Tasks adults take for granted—like buttoning a jacket—require practice to master. Every time our kids work through these big and small challenges, they are building their skills for resilience and perseverance. These aren’t fixed traits that kids are born with. Rather, they develop slowly through life experience, practice, and with the support of caring adults.

“Donkey Hodie,” a new puppet series from PBS KIDS, draws its inspiration from Fred Rogers and his mission to help young viewers navigate the challenges of childhood. In each episode, characters set goals, encounter obstacles, explore and test solutions, experience failure, and persist toward their goal, asking for help as needed. While the show is set in the whimsical land of Someplace Else, it models a problem-solving process that kids and parents will readily recognize.

Here are 4 ways parents and caregivers can support this vital effort to help kids build perseverance and resilience.

1. Help Children Name Their Goals
Goals are powerful, even for kids. They want to learn how to tie their shoes, shoot a basket, buckle their seatbelt, write their name, cut with scissors, walk the dog, learn a new game, make a new friend, name all the dinosaurs, build a tower, and find ways to be helpful, and become contributing members of their families and classrooms.

When children can name a small goal they want to accomplish, it can help them focus their attention, explore strategies, and persist when things go wrong. And it helps us, as caregivers, celebrate their successes. “You did it! You learned how to zip up your coat all by yourself!”

2. Help Children Work through Tough Emotions
Sometimes, learning and growing can be really frustrating. A little empathy can go a long way in helping kids find the strength to try, try again. Try a simple phrase like this: “You spent a long time building that tower and then it fell. That’s super frustrating!”

Calming big emotions is a vital step that comes before problem-solving. In the story “Royal Sandcastle Builders,” Donkey, King Friday, and Purple Panda sing about the different ways they practiced calming down after getting frustrated at trying to build a sandcastle. And then they are able to try again! When kids are in the middle of an emotional storm, it’s unrealistic to expect them to brainstorm solutions! But when the storm passes, we can be there to help them think about what to do next.

3. Praise Children’s Efforts & Be Specific
Generic praise—such as “Wow!” or “Good work!” or “Nice!”—is warm and supportive. But descriptive praise is even more powerful because it’s specific and helps kids make the connection between what they are doing and what they are learning.

This language shift can be pretty simple. Just describe what you notice. “Good work” can become “Good work figuring out how to share with your sister.” “Nice!” can become “Nice! I like all the different colors you used in this picture.”

When we offer specific observations, we show our kids that we are paying attention to them. We see their effort. And when it comes to building perseverance and resilience, effort matters more than the outcome.

4. Use Stories to Teach Them about “Yet.”
There’s a big difference, emotionally, between the phrase, “I can’t do it!” and “I can’t do it, yet.” The word “yet” is a bridge between present frustration and future possibility. Stories are a great tool for inspiring kids to persevere, especially when they hear and watch stories about characters who work through challenges. We can also tell children stories about themselves! My kids love hearing stories about how they turned a struggle into an achievement. It helps them feel proud and reminds them that they can do hard things.

Growing up is hard, amazing work. Kids deserve supportive adults by their side, offering encouragement and celebrating all the ways they are growing.

—By Deborah Farmer Kris
Deborah Farmer Kris is a writer, teacher, parent educator, and school administrator. She works on parenting projects for PBS KIDS for Parents and writes about education for MindShift, an NPR learning blog. Deborah has two kids who love to test every theory she’s ever had about child development! Mostly, she loves finding and sharing nuggets of practical wisdom that can help kids and families thrive — including her own. You can follow her on Twitter @dfkris.

This post originally appeared on PBS KIDS for Parents.

PBS KIDS believes the world is full of possibilities, and so is every child. As the number one educational media brand for kids, PBS KIDS helps children learn life lessons, explore their feelings and discover new adventures, while seeing themselves uniquely reflected and celebrated in lovable, diverse characters through television, digital media, and community-based programs. 

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Mom-Shaming Is Not My Problem

By Deanna Pope-Toth

You don’t have to look very far (or for very long) before you see something on your news feed that amounts to mom-shaming. Yet, the more I read about mom-shaming posts going viral, the more I get a mix of emotions.

While I’m thankful there are people in the world who are reading between the lines and who urge others to stop judging parents, another part of me feels guilt and frustration because although I hate being mom-shamed, I do (shamefully and oftentimes unknowingly) partake in it myself. The more I read about mom-shaming, the more I remember that shamers are out there, “doin’ their thang.” And honestly, the less likely I am to share with other parents my stories, for fear of being perceived as THAT parent—a.k.a., the one who lacks proper judgment.

Mom shaming is not my problem, but a lack of esteem and community are. 

All parents will have preferences and many people with different preferences will take issue with any opinion on parenting that’s different from their opinion. My point isn’t to say mom-shaming is a good thing—but it exists and I’m not sure how effective “shaming the shamers” really is. How much can we combat mom shamers by telling them, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all?”

I’d like to think this works, but if someone is mom-shaming me either through their words, their glares or they’re pretending I’m not there, I’m certainly not going to rebut by saying, “please play nice.” Because how effective is it to mom shame…the mom shamers? “Listen here mom or regular person, you should be ashamed for shaming another mom.”

What should we do to combat mom-shaming, other than trying to shut shamers up? In more and more of the positive self-help books I dig into, it’s clear that one of the secrets to being great is learning to tune out the noise, to empower ourselves—to accept criticism when it leads to self-improvement and to leave behind the comments that are degrading. In Jen Sincero’s book, You Are a Badass, she proclaims that:

“Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team for lack of skill. Steven Spielberg, a high school dropout, was rejected from film school three times. Thomas Edison, who was dubbed too stupid to learn anything by a teacher, tried more than nine thousand experiments before successfully creating the light bulb.”

We as parents would benefit a great deal by building our own confidence in a world of nay-sayers. We would do the world a disservice by listening to bad-talkers. The world needs our diversity, our amplified voices, and opinions and we need to repel negative comments directed at our parenting st‌yles in order to keep doing what we believe is best for our children.

We moms empower mom shamers by listening to them, prioritizing them, and by internalizing their negativity. So, while building our own sense of self can help us achieve a greater sense of clarity and esteem in our own parenting choices, how do we help build up other parents too, instead of shame them (back to basics here: two wrongs don’t make a right)?

Here are some ideas to build a community of confident parents who embrace their differences: invite other parents/kids for a tea and play-date. Be a community. Compliment and look for the good in them and help them shake off negative comments and articulate feedback in a way that is geared towards their betterment, not their destruction. Seems pretty simple, yet it takes perseverance and dedication.

To recap: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a theme presented by many successful life coaches and urges people to stop letting others’ negative, harmful opinions influence us or prevent us from achieving greatness. As a parent, a parent-professional and a leader: we parents are leaders. Moms and dads need to embrace this, too. Taking the wisdom of author Brené Brown, a vulnerability and shame researcher: if you want to combat the negative effects of mom-shaming in others as well, allow others to be vulnerable with you and help them see their inner hero.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

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5 Thoughtful Ways to Empower Your Kids to Achieve Success

By Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP

We all want our kids to be successful—to be a leap ahead. Not ahead of every other kid, necessarily, but to their full potential.

So, how do we do it? And how do we achieve it (even more importantly) without making them stressed-out and overwhelmed in the process?

First, get a grip on your parenting goals and philosophy.

Is my goal to have my daughters be doctors like me? Why? Because that sounds successful? Not a good enough reason. Is my number one focus for them to be accepted into some highly-acclaimed academic institution? For what purpose? I have to check in with myself about my own motivations.

Instead, I try to make it my goal to raise daughters who 1) are well-adjusted, self-sufficient, confident adults; 2) who love what they do-no matter what that is; and 3) who understand that they have to work hard to achieve their dreams. That is the REAL measure of success.

Allow time for imaginative play to foster a love of learning.

Just because I’m not gunning for Ivy-League admittance for my kids (not that it would be bad if they ended up there, it just isn’t my focus), it doesn’t mean I don’t look for educational opportunities every day. In fact, I do a lot of that. 

But my main goal with the activities is that my kids totally nerd out on whatever it is that THEY think is really cool, even if it’s not in my interest area. I also make sure that they have plenty of free time to play without structure.

For example, my almost-four-year-old is on a Julia Child kick these days. We stumbled upon some old In Julia’s Kitchen With Master Chefs episodes and she was hooked after one show. I noticed that, soon after she started watching, she asked me to pull out ingredients from the cupboard and began making little concoctions with them. 

At first, I asked if she was interested in an Easy Bake Oven, or some other way to actually cook food but she looked at me, appalled, when I suggested it. “Mommy, these are experiments, NOT meals.”

No problem, kiddo.

She then proceeded to narrate her addition of the baking soda to the vinegar (“Ooh, look how it bubbles! It’s making a frothy foam”) and every single other ingredient she added in. She sounded like she was a cooking show host but, apparently, she imagined she was the star of a fancy chemistry presentation.

The counters were a mess. We probably wasted $20 in flour and salt, but she was so content as her little imagination soared. The next time we were at the library, she wanted to know if there were books about other types of mixtures—paints, dirt and water, other types of foods. It was a little magical.

Provide age-appropriate learning opportunities that allow kids to build competence and confidence—but don’t overdo it. 

I care about keeping my priorities straight but I also care about stimulating my daughters’ little neural pathways. In the process of fostering a love of learning, I have to make sure to simplify so we don’t get too overwhelmed.

Why? I’ve seen the effect of over-scheduling kids over and over in my office. The kids are so frantic and so are their parents.

Instead, I recommend focusing on one or two weekly non-school activities per kid per season (3 max!).

Mix it up while they are young, if possible, unless they find something THEY love that they want to stick with. If you can, find one active activity and one more “academic” or community option (think music class, art class). 

For older kids, let THEM choose from a handful of options, versus demanding that they are involved in a specific activity you really care about. If the coach/teacher is a bad fit, that’s one thing but, if at all possible, try to stick with whichever activity you choose through the season, then switch it up if it’s not working out so you can help foster a little perseverance and commitment.

Model resilience and a growth mindset. 

Allow your kids to see you fail and to rebound from your failures. Use family dinner times to talk about the best parts of your day but also about the challenges you faced and the ways you overcame them. 

Have your kids, when they are old enough, share their “Rose and Thorn of the Day” as well. Work on letting them figure things out on their own, waiting to jump in with help until they ask you for it and, even then, assisting mostly by helping them to problem-solve the situation for themselves.

“Well, let’s see, how could you get your book back without yelling if your sister takes it?”

“I could give her another toy and ask if I could trade her.”

“I love that idea! Nice problem-solving.”

In your own work, look for ways you can adjust your attitude to consider yourself a “learner.” When you don’t do as well as you want to do, use it as an opportunity to grow as opposed to looking at each mini failure as a sign of ineptitude.

Approach your kids’ failures in the same way. “I can’t do that” is usually met with a “yet” in my house. “Did you try your best? Ok, then you did a great job!”

Aim for goodness of fit.

When you get involved in activities or make choices on which schools/educational programs are best, look first at how it fits with the personality of your child. Does your child need a warm, supportive environment to thrive, even if it’s not seemingly as rigorous as another option? 

It might just serve you better in the long run. Does your kid need more structure and accountability? An educational program that fits that model may work better. The temperament of your child will often determine their needs and their ability to work well within the system where they go to learn every day,

A leap ahead—that’s my focus for my kids and I bet it is for you, too.  A leap to wherever they want to go. To whatever they want to be. To an understanding that success in life and work is not about fulfilling expectations, it’s about finding the things that ultimately bring them joy and fulfillment.

Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I'm a pediatrician and a mama mindset expert. I host The Modern Mommy Doc Podcast, and am a mom to two young girls in Portland, Oregon. I'm also author of The New Baby Blueprint and The Working Mom Blueprint from the American Academy of Pediatrics. 

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5 Ways to Support Your Little Perfectionist

By Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen

Photo: Slumberkins

Do you know that voice inside your head that says you “messed up,” or you “aren’t good enough?” Maybe it says other not-so-kind things, too. Most of us are familiar with the experience of having a voice inside that can be hard on us—this can be called “our inner critic.”

Adults and children alike can experience an internal battle with our inner critic. Sometimes our inner critics can get very loud, leading to feelings of anxiety, guilt or shame. Most of us don’t love feeling guilt or shame so we find strategies to avoid these feelings. One of these strategies is perfectionism. Perfectionism is when parts of us want things to be just right in order to avoid some type of negative outcome. Sometimes what we are trying to avoid is internal self-blame, other times it’s criticism or blame from others. Still, other times it’s because we are trying to avoid the disappointment of things not going as we had planned.

Perfectionism and anxiety go hand in hand. As we work to be perfect in an “imperfect” world, we are bound to hit some challenges along the way. Here are some signs of perfectionism:

  • Feeling badly about something unless over 100% effort is given

  • Difficulty starting tasks

  • Procrastination

  • Avoiding situations that could end in failure

  • Being highly critical of one’s self

  • Difficulty coping with making mistakes

  • Struggling with shame/embarrassment

  • Struggling with self-doubt

  • Struggling with appearing vulnerable

  • Focusing strongly on outcomes or end-results

The signs above can apply to both children and adults. Do you see any that you recognize? Sometimes it can be hard to pick up on perfectionistic tendencies in young children. Younger children may show perfectionism less verbally, and more in how they behave in certain situations. For instance:

  • Having frequent meltdowns when they make a mistake

  • Expressing embarrassment or shame when they get hurt

  • Working hard to avoid disappointing others

  • Struggling with making choices

  • Avoiding trying new things or starting tasks

  • Constantly asking for adult help for tasks they are able to do themselves.

To be clear these signs need to be taken into context as there are other reasons children may show these behaviors, but it can be helpful to begin to notice what is triggering to each child. If it seems like it may be along with the themes of “making mistakes” or having things be “just so,” perfectionism may be what you are seeing. If we notice these things early, we can start to support children to learn self-acceptance.

So what can you do if you notice a child struggling with perfectionism or their own inner-critic? Moving towards self-acceptance can help find ways of welcoming all parts of us, just the way they are. Try some of these ideas for supporting self-acceptance at home:

Here are some ideas for supporting perfectionist kiddos at home:

1. Celebrate strengths. Even perfectionism has its positive sides. Make sure your child understands that you appreciate them just the way they are.

2. Model positive self-talk. When you make a mistake, watch what you say to yourself. Model for your child how to be kind to yourself even when you mess up.

3. Welcome all feelings. When we welcome anger, sadness, happiness and everything in between we send the message that being human is okay! Sometimes we aren’t at our best or say things in anger, and we can work through those things.

4. Teach Repair. Sometimes shame and self-criticism can be strong for children because they don’t know “how to make it right.” Let your children know that there is always something we can try to do to make it right.

5. Try open-ended games and art. Try offering games, activities, and opportunities that don’t just have one right answer. This openness can take the pressure off and allow for more creativity, joy and relaxation throughout the day.

For even more support in tackling perfectionism, introduce Yak, a new Slumberkins creature whose story teaches the concepts of self-acceptance, perfectionism and perseverance by reminding little ones that they are enough, just as they are. Reading Yak’s book with your little one and practicing the self-acceptance affirmation can help your child take risks and understand that it’s okay to not be perfect at something the first time they try it.

This post originally appeared on www.slumberkins.com.
Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world. 

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You Are Forever Loved

By Ali Flynn

Photo: Ali Flynn

Sweet girl, can I tell you a few secrets?

You are forever loved and cherished for being you.

Your giggle is imprinted on my soul.

You may feel lost at times, finding your way, but hold on tight and have the confidence to know your path will be revealed.

Your perseverance is admirable and forces me to reach towards my goals.

You are my first born and my first true love.

The first moment I held you, I lost my breath with sheer joy.

You radiate positivity and I pray you continue this throughout your life journey.

Your smile is infectious and one not to be judged or quieted down.

Your words need to be heard.

Your unique self is perfect just as it is.

Your strong will is admirable and makes me realize you are equipped to take on the world.

You, my girl, are one of life’s greatest blessings.

You. Me. Us. We.

Always connected. Forever bonded. Continuously loving one another.

XO

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama by Ali Flynn.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.

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I’m Just a Mom, Doing Her Best

By Samira Soto

If you see me out in public you might think I’m the mom who has it all together, or the mom that’s a hot mess. There is no in-between.

Outing’s with my son look like watching two people play on a teeter-totter. Sometimes we’re high, other times were low.

My son Kanen will be 3 next month. He loves scripting scenes from Toy Story and lining up his favorite Disney cars. He also has severe autism.

Kanen has always been difficult to please since he was a baby. I always say he’s a “my way or the highway” kinda kid. His determination and perseverance are inspiring. But it also can be very exhausting at times.

Lately going out with him in the community is becoming more difficult. And it’s to no one’s fault. But mainly I think I’m surrounded by a community whose lives are rarely touched by autism.

If you don’t know it, live it, or have been exposed to it, meltdowns or sensory overloads might look like an epic tantrum to some people.

And if we’re being honest, I would’ve thought the same before I had my son. I would’ve been the mom that gazed or starred. I would’ve been the mom that quietly whispered to her partner “I would never let our children act like that.” I would’ve been the mom who did not understand autism.

So I don’t blame them when they do.

But for a while, the stares, and whispers really got to me. A lot of the time, they still do. They sting.

You see the thing about autism there is no one look fits all. It’s a neurological disorder. On the outside, my son looks like a charming little man, but on the inside, he struggles to function with the real world.

In a flash, autism will come storming through like an angry bull running the streets of Spain. There is no stopping it.

Right now Kanen looks like a bratty toddler during outbursts. And well me? I’m just “too patient of a mom” which is what I’ve been told many times before. I always laugh a little whenever I hear that.

I’m a mom who has to wear sneakers over booties, and lightweight clothing over fun accessories because I am constantly chasing him around. I’m a mom who has to give up her Louis Vuitton diaper bag for a crossbody bag because having little to nothing on me is crucial at the moment I need to carry him like a sack of potatoes. I’m a mom who’s learning to say no to outings that might require too many transitions for my son, even if that means missing out on family events.

I am a special needs mom.

If you see me out in public don’t think I’m the mom who has it all together, or the mom that’s a hot mess. I’m simply the mom doing her best.

Samira is a 25 year old single mom to a 2 year old son Kanen Arley. Her son Kanen was diagnosed with severe non-verbal autism in September of 2020, which inspired her to start sharing their journey through My Charming Arley on Facebook and Samirasstella on Instagram.

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