Many toddlers have speech delays. But sometimes, a speech delay is a symptom of something bigger—like autism.

Back in the late 1990s when my first-born son, Lucas, was diagnosed with autism, the rate was 1 in 500. Today autism is diagnosed in approximately 1 in 50 children. And 1 in every 6 children in the US is diagnosed with a developmental disorder including autism, ADHD, speech disorders, and learning disabilities.

Symptoms of these developmental disorders can look similar in very young children. So if you’re concerned about delays in a toddler, you are not alone.

Lucas started showing signs of autism shortly after his first birthday and was eventually diagnosed with autism the day before he turned three in 1999.  Since then, I transformed from a confused parent to a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, online course creator, and best-selling author of two books including my latest: Turn Autism Around:  An Action Guide for Parents of Young Children with Early Signs of Autism.

While I can’t diagnose autism, I have extensive training and experience in looking for early signs of autism versus “just” a speech delay in young children. And no matter what the diagnosis is or might be in the future, there is a lot you can do starting today to help catch your child up as much as possible.

Here are some skills and deficits to consider when trying to determine if it might be autism:

Speech Delays
Children with speech delays and those who have a diagnosis of autism have delays with expressive language or talking. For babies, they may not babble and reach their arms up to indicate they want to be held. By 12 or 18 months of age, toddlers might not use words or they might label numbers and letters but not say more functional words such as mama or juice. And for preschoolers, they may not talk in two-and three-word phrases and eventually in sentences.

Receptive Language Delays
Children who are delayed with talking can also be delayed with understanding language or have a receptive language delay. If a child isn’t talking as much as is expected but also doesn’t follow simple directions to touch their head or get their shoes, it’s probably a mixed expressive-receptive language delay which is more concerning to professionals who diagnose autism.

Pointing
I never realized how important pointing was, but it’s a critical gesture. By about 18 months of age, children should be pointing with their index finger for things that they want like juice or a toy and also pointing to get your attention to look in the sky, for example, when an airplane flies overhead.

Play & Imitation 
In addition to looking at pointing and language skills, it’s also important to assess play and imitation skills. Does your child play with a variety of toys or is he focused on one object or toy? Is your child’s play repetitive? For instance, does your child spend a long time stacking blocks, spinning things, or lining up objects over and over? And finally, since young children learn language and play skills through imitation, we need to assess imitation skills. If these imitation skills are delayed or absent, this could be a sign of autism.

The Good News
Regardless if your child is delayed only in expressive language or if he is already diagnosed with severe autism, you as a parent can learn to detect and treat delays and help your child to catch up as much as possible.

In my book, I share the 4-step child-friendly system I’ve developed over the last two decades based on the science of Applied Behavior Analysis and Verbal Behavior. My goal is to empower parents to learn proven strategies to help their children talk or talk more, decrease tantrums and improve sleep, eating, and potty training. You can also use the strategies in the book to teach pointing, imitation, play, and social skills.

Now that you know the early warning signs of autism and you also know that a roadmap is available, it’s time to start turning things around for your child. There’s no need to wait, worry, or panic. You have the power to change the trajectory of your child’s life, starting today!

 

Dr. Mary Barbera is a mom to a son with autism and is also a behavior analyst and best-selling author.  In her latest book, Turn Autism Around, Mary teaches parents how to use simple but proven strategies to increase language and decrease tantrums in children with autism or speech delays.

As a speech-language pathologist, one of the most common concerns I hear from parents is that their child can’t tell them about their day. This is a hard question for so many kids. To be able to talk about their day, a child needs to be able to comprehend the qestion, recall events from the day, use storytelling language, use sequencing skills, and probably recognize and understand the emotions they felt through the day.

Unless there was an exciting assembly or new event that happened, in preschool “I played” is usually an OK response. As parents, we so desperately want to hear what happened during the day and share in their joy or support their tough times. But when all they say is, “I don’t know” “Nothing” or “I played” we understandably may feel a bit frustrated. If you want to help your child develop this skill, follow these 5 tips:

1. Make the question predictable. Ask every night at dinner. Many children may begin preparing their answers if they know the question is coming.

2. Model. Start with siblings and spouses first.

3. Include your daily routine in the retelling of your day. When you do this, your child can begin to build connections between what they observe and what you tell in your story. This helps them identify what is important and gives them ideas as to what they can include in their retell.

4. Practice with pictures. If you have a particularly exciting day, snap photos. Then, sit with them and your camera roll and help them scroll through and talk about each picture.

5. Ask specific rather than broad questions to guide their thinking. Instead of “Tell me about your day,” you can ask “Who did you sit with at lunch?” “What story did you read today?” Get information from teachers on your child’s day if you can to ask even more pointed questions, and then you can model responses if your child still comes up short.

If your child is struggling with vocabulary, sentence construction, or answering questions, they may not be ready for this skill yet or professional help might be needed.

Janine Segner is a credentialed speech therapist with a decade of experience in school, outpatient medical and private practice settings. She is licensed in Virgnia and Maryland and is the owner of Expressive Speech and Feeding, a pediatric speech therapy practice in Herndon, Virginia.

As a special needs parent I think we can all agree the panic we have felt before heading into these meetings. Even though I’ve sat through plenty for my own child, and many for clients as well these meetings always bring up nerves and jitters for parents. Here are some of my top tips for helping parents head into their next IEP meeting feeling less anxious and more confident.

1. Request your draft copy of the IEP in writing. Not all states require a draft copy of the IEP be sent to parents, but it is common practice to do so. I always remind my clients to request a draft copy of the proposed IEP in writing, most commonly in e-mail form one to two weeks ahead of the meeting. Receiving a draft copy ahead of time allows you time to look over the document and you can begin to take notes and write down your questions before your meeting.

2. Work on asking questions at the table instead of just disagreeing with the team. As you are reviewing your draft copy of your document, word your notes into question form, over a bullet-pointed list. By asking questions it opens up the conversation for collaboration as opposed to quick close-ended statements that turn the conversation to quiet dead ends. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking the “why” and “how” to get ideas flowing at the table towards a more collaborative solution.

3. Write a clear parent input letter. Writing a clear parent input letter after you’ve reviewed your draft IEP, or even before you request one from the team can help the team recognize your top concerns for your child. This statement should be the driving force for the team about what you want long-term and where you want to see your child go. This statement should also talk about what supports they need to be successful and can include suggestions from outside providers. Parent input statements should be submitted to the team ahead of the meeting so that this information can be added to the IEP document.

4. Familiarize yourself with the purpose of the IEP. The IEP or Individualized Education Program is laid out to prepare students for further education, independent living, and employment. Understanding that the IEP should be individualized to meet your child’s unique needs and is not a one size fits all document can really help shape out-of-the-box thinking strategies from parents, therapists, and teachers at the table during your meetings. I know first-hand sitting at the table can sometimes feel very “us vs. them” and as a master IEP coach, I work very hard to help make teams and parents work collaboratively.

Ultimately, we need to remember everyone at that table wants your child to succeed. Using the tips outlined above is a great place to start building your confidence at the IEP table.

This post originally appeared on Jackson's Journey, Jackson's Voice.

Amanda is a mom of two and lives in Ohio. Her son is on the autism spectrum and is who inspired her to begin her journey through advocacy. In her free time she enjoys teaching dance , hosting the MommingAutism podcast, and writing for her page Jackson’s Journey, Jackson’s Voice.

mom-child

Photo: The Althaus Life Blog

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was over-exhausted. Overwhelmed. Underpaid. (I kid). Vivi was teething and Whitman was out of control. We were waiting for occupational therapy. I was bouncing Vivi on my hip and chasing Whit. Our stroller was full of Panera bags, cups, and cookies because we had no time between school that was on the second floor and OT which was on the first floor.

Whitman wanted a candy bar and was doing his nonverbal grunts and points at the vending machine. I was trying to coax Whitman away from the vending machine with a sugar cookie and brownie. I was failing at both things. Then a woman with messed up hair, a walker, and reeking of B.O. and cigarettes walked up to me and she said it. I

knew that one day I would be faced with adversity because of Whitman’s lack of language. I thought my first time would be at Target or Wal-Mart. But I never pictured it would happen in the rehab facility. The woman said: “You know he’s a R*** right?! And why in the hell would you bring another into the world?!” She pointed at Vivi. I stood stunned. I didn’t know what to say and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. Thankfully, Whit’s occupational therapist came out and the situation was defused. I told her what happen, pointed out who the woman was from the hallway, then drove home a sobbing mess from therapy that day. I questioned every move I had made as a mom. Was it my fault?! Should we not have had Vivi?! Am I not handling this the way I should be handling this?!

In therapy, Whit’s OT reminded me that Whit wasn’t any of what that woman called him. We have had the IQ tests. Whitman is reluctant to show you what he knows, but trust her, he knows. I saw the woman the following week and felt sick when I did. Her daughter walked up to me and apologized for her mom’s behavior—she had seen it all while she was trying to check her mom in and was mortified. She didn’t make up an excuse for why her mom said it, she said just said how sorry she was. Then added that my kids are cute. It helped a little but the wound is still there two years later.

That word takes away your security. That word makes you feel things as a parent that you should never have to feel. It reminds you of what a cruel place this world is. It makes you wonder what kind of human takes out their anger on a child and his mother who are simply trying to get through the day. We need to stop the stigma that this word is ok. In the dawn of a new era in America’s history, we need to take away that word and replace it with inclusion. We need to teach our kids that being different is fine. That being mean isn’t. That even if the quiet kid in their class doesn’t say “Hi” back you still say “Hi.”

If you see a friend struggling, you help. We need to stop criticizing and blaming parents because their child has special needs. Whitman isn’t the way he is because I did anything. He’s programmed differently and as much as I grieve about that it’s not because he is who is. He’s the best human being. He is a walking miracle. It’s because the world isn’t ready for him and what he can offer. It’s a tad better but not there yet. We have to start teaching our kids to advocate for those who need it. Kindness starts in the home. Hate starts in the home. Letting the R-word fly like confetti starts in the home.

Instead of putting our prejudices that we were raised with, let’s make 2021 the year of kind. The year where rude terms are put to bed. Let’s make 2021 the year where we stop judging other mom’s for doing it a different way than you. Let’s be grateful for our upbringings because it made us the people that we are. The people that our children need us to be. Let’s help others no matter what, without blame, or judgment. Let’s just be decent human beings.

Can we please just make 2021 the year of a new beginning where we don’t have to worry about what society is going to say about our kiddos or us? I will never forget my first encounter with that word. That day fueled a fire in me to be kind. Even if I disagree with the person, we are all different we are all going to have different opinions, even if the person was rude to me earlier. I’m choosing to be a person that my kids would be proud of it and it starts with being kind to everyone.

We as special needs parents need to know that kind is our superpower. We need to be the example for re-educating society if we have any hope of eliminating the hurtful words. Let’s set the bar high this year for ourselves. Let’s get out there in the community and educate the people around us, let’s be kind in our education, and show grace to the broken system that got us here. Let’s move forward with pride that maybe we can be the generation that changes the world, but in order to change the world we have to start at home and in our communities. Baby steps.

This post originally appeared on The Althaus Life Blog.

 

Lindsey is a mom, wife, and blogger at The Althaus Life. She lives in Ohio with her husband and 2 children. Lindsey is grateful all things and to be able to chronicle her beautifully broken laugh til you cry cry until you laugh life.

Lisa Tschirlig Hoelzle’s two kids were only playing in the basement for 10 minutes when her son Noah came in with news. Abigail had “something stuck in her hair,” and that something turned out to be a mom’s worst nightmare.

Noah had poured an entire container of “Bunchems” on Abigail’s hair––tiny velcro toys that are normally used to create shapes and animals. The little girl now had nearly 150 of the sticky toys tangled in her hair––a result of the kiddos trying to get them out before calling on mom. Lisa describes the coming ordeal as an “out of body experience” and we tend to agree.

Overall, it took 20 hours for Lisa to remove the tangly toys, using a combination of mineral oil, a comb and a whole lot of patience. Mom even shared with Red Tricycle that “The true miracle was that my Abigail was so amazing with it she was comforting my tears

❤️
.”

Since the ordeal, Lisa shares that she has received countless photos from other families who’ve all dealt with the issue. She was even contacted by an elementary teacher who purchased them for indoor play and one Bunchem got stuck in a student’s hair. The teacher shared that it took the assistant principal and nurse an hour to get out one!

Lisa has filed a formal complain with Spin Master, the maker of Bunchems, especially pointing out the warning label that says “may get tangled in your hair” is not strong enough. She says that an additional warning should be included that addresses that the toys can can become matted in hair––and that including a shower cap would definitely help!

––Karly Wood

 

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Are you ready for an adventure? With a total of $10 million dollars in cash spread out across 10 states, The Blackbeard Treasure is launching the only treasure hunt of its kind on a scale this large. In California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Michigan, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Texas, there will be hidden and buried across cities and towns one treasure in each state containing $1 million in cash. 

Treasure map

 

The Blackbeard Treasure hunters will be given a digital map to download, clues, and riddles—all of which will lead to the treasure chest. To join the treasure hunt, participants must purchase a map on The Blackbeard Treasure website. Each map costs $49.99, and only a limited number of maps will be sold for each treasure chest. Treasure maps will be available for purchase starting Aug. 8, 2020.

“With The Blackbeard Treasure hunt, our goal is to get people excited about getting outside, either by themselves or with friends and family, in order to have the adventure of a lifetime,” said Justin Cohen, managing director of The Blackbeard Treasure. “And in the process of having the time of your life, you may just unearth a fortune.”

 

Each treasure chest contains $1 million in cash, a location beacon, and a hidden camera pointed at the precise location of the chest. Once the treasure chests are found, the winners will remove the key taped to the side of the chest, and open it. Inside, the winners will find their treasure money and a phone number to call to officially claim their treasure.

Additionally, starting Nov. 21, The Blackbeard Treasure will be following and filming select treasure hunters on their journey in search of the hidden treasures. They will be featured on an upcoming reality show, titled The Hunt for Blackbeard’s Treasure. The company is currently in negotiations with three networks in regards to airing the show.

For more details on participating in The Blackbeard Treasure hunt, please visit TheBlackbeardTreasure.com/Rules.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: N. on Unsplash

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We’re all facing it right now—the unknown. With this new territory comes fear. As new parents, this fear is more present than ever before. Is this a bad thing? No, in fact, it’s a gateway.

Fear is a healthy emotion.

“Fear is a universal experience. Even the smallest insect feels it. We wade in the tidal pools and put our finger near the soft open bodies of sea anemones and they close up. It’s part of being alive. Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” —Pema Chödrön

As I’ve blazed my own trail through life and business in the jungle, I’ve become acquainted with confronting fear in a variety of forms: wilderness, cultural, personal, and professional. Most recently, in the last 6 months of my life, I’ve faced several terrifyingly major events: I gave birth to my son, launched a book, did my first public speaking and am now living through a pandemic. Each was very scary but in very different ways.

Perhaps there are two different flavors of fear:

1. Fear + excitement
2. Fear + anxiety

Like me, you may be getting regular tastes of both kinds right now. Fear of leaving the house and exposing my family to COVID-19? Anxiety. Fear of change and new possibilities? Excitement. Though this is a brutally challenging time for so many, there are also silver linings and new beginnings that may ultimately make us stronger as parents, as families.

With this in mind, can we use fear as an inner compass? I propose:

Fear + anxiety = warning, slow down, proceed with caution.

Fear + excitement = we’re pointed towards our next challenge; our growth.

I’ve made a decision and I hope you will join me.

When we encounter fear, let’s meet it head-on. Let’s deconstruct the fear—tap into its wisdom, channel it, use fear to our advantage. Let’s let go of the mentality of fear. Though fear may slow “progress,” it also prompts a clear evaluation of a situation, a valuable opportunity to analyze and choose our path.

May fear + excitement be a gateway and an inspiration to fill our heads (and our kids’ heads too!) with positive self-talk and surround ourselves with encouragement and support—people who believe in us—friends, family, or coach (there are lots of virtual options available for this too.) Let’s find the people who pick us up, dust us off, give us courage to confront fear and keep us on track and we may also learn from those who haven’t confronted their fears and have regrets.

What fears are you facing right now? In what direction is your inner compass pointing you and your family?

Stay healthy, keep tuning into your fear barometer, and take a step closer to your truth.

         

This post originally appeared on Wildpeneurs.

Known as “The Jungle Mama”, Tamara Jacobi is the author of Wildpreneurs:A Guide for Turning Passion into Business (HarperCollins Leadership, Feb. 2020) and founder of the Tailwind Jungle Lodge on the Mexican Pacific. Tamara is loving the adventure of motherhood! Her son Zephyr was born on Oct, 2019. 

Photo: Amazon

2017 is officially in the history books and along with it, shelves full of parenting research become part of history too. Fortunately for us, a few gems of research made it out of the universities and into our lives this year.

As I did last year, I spent the last few days of 2017 going through the major themes in parenting research to see what new pearls of wisdom we learned this year.

Minimalism is not just a buzz word; its benefits are backed up by research. 

We heard a lot of talk about minimalism this year in the media. On the heels of the popular book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, more parents were cutting the clutter, scaling back toys and limiting junk around their homes. Their efforts are not in vain, according to research. Studies this year pointed out that having fewer toys actually helps encourage creativity in kids. Similarly, we saw more evidence that simple, classic toys are more beneficial for youngsters than those fancy electronic ones.

Kids’ intense interests are awesome. 

Bring on the little paleontologists and toddler train lovers! Most of us who have been parents for a few years, know that our kids can go through phases where they are intensely interested in one topic–whether it be dinosaurs, trains or butterflies. I’ve always been fascinated by this and why it happens. 

Well, this year research answered our questions and informed us that our kids’ intense interests are a great sign. It turns out that those intense interests are a great learning tool for kids. It’s often their first experience with delving deep into a topic, finding answers and developing mastery of a topic (e.g., they know ALL the dinosaur names). Research tells us that kids who have intense interests tend to have higher cognitive and information-processing skills as well as executive functioning skills like attention span. You can get on board with your kids’ interests by visiting museums that feature their favorite topic or find books that discuss it. It’s a beautiful sight to see a child so engaged in their own learning.

Self-care needs to be on our priority list. 

We all know that self-care is important but it often gets pushed aside amide our long to-do lists. This year research showed us just us the consequences of lack of self-care for our parenting. Symptoms of insufficient self-care, like inadequate sleep, actually mimic some symptoms of depression making us less able to be patient with our kids. The result is often short temper and possibly yelling at our kids (and we all know that is not effective with our kids).

Similarly, research this year pointed out the mental load that moms carry (and yes, it is mostly moms). Although dads have increased their responsibilities for child care and household duties, it is still moms who carry the mental load. What is mental load? Things like remembering who is at what activity at what time, keeping up the grocery list and remembering who will run out of clothes if we don’t do laundry today. We all know mental load and feel it. Just another reason that self-care needs to be part of our lives. 

Managing technology is one of the biggest parenting challenges of our era. 

This year was full of research and media on how parents and kids are dealing with technology–together. Numerous reports emerged on how tech leaders are not giving their kids smartphones or iPads until they are almost adults. This, along with the Wait Until 8th movement, has opened parents’ eyes to the dangers of too much technology too soon for our kids. The challenge, according to research, is that we parents love our smartphones too.

New studies showed that parents who are hooked on their devices are more likely to experience “technoference” in the relationship with their kids. In other words, the device interrupts the parent-child interaction or relationship in some way. Device-distracted parenting is the new challenge facing our generation. This technoference seems to impact our kids as well. Early research indicates a link between technoference in parent-child relationships and negative behavior among kids.

This year’s revolution in gender relations affects parenting, too. 

The end of 2017 saw a seismic shift in how we discuss gender relations and sexual harassment with the development of the #MeToo movement. Although those of us with young children may feel a little out of the loop with current events (when do we have time to watch the news!), this movement will no doubt affect our parenting. Compelling articles and research pointed us to look at how we raise the next generation to deal better with gender relations in schools, workplaces and families.

The most compelling work I think focuses on how to raise children (especially boys) with a full emotional toolbox so they can be prepared to deal with people of all genders, races, beliefs, etc. In past generations, children were often taught to stuff their emotions down. However, our generation of parents is focusing on raising girls that are strong enough to speak up and boys who are strong enough to be vulnerable and emotionally available. This takes work, patience and a change of mindset for many of us. Fortunately, research can help us. Studies showed us this year that how we speak to our children about emotions matter. Discussing how others feel really does help children develop a strong sense of empathy. Empathy, of course, is one key to helping kids look beyond their own self-interest and become adults who do the same.

Well, that is a quick summary of parenting research for 2017. Based on this, I think my parenting goals for 2018 are clear: focus on empathy, managing technology, fostering interests and simplify.   What are your parenting goals for 2018? 

This post originally appeared on ThoughtfulParenting.com.

Amy is a scholar turned stay-at-home mom of two young boys. When she's not stepping on Legos, she writes at The Thoughtful Parent. With this blog she brings child development research into the lives of parents in the trenches of child-rearing.

Children are incredibly observant. They have to be in order to learn language and the ways of the world. And once they have language, they are quick to use it to talk about what they see.

According to research, babies as young as six months old can recognize racial differences. Therefore, it isn’t surprising that young children sometimes refer to the variations in the skin color of others. When my own children, who are biracial, were young, they could be heard making comments like: “Dad’s skin is so, so brown, his fingers look like pretzel sticks,” or “I wish that we all matched, I wish that we all had the same color skin.” While their observations were sometimes amusing, sometimes challenging, I always tried to respond affirmatively. Conversations about race can be uncomfortable, but now more than ever, they are essential.

So how do you address this issue with your young child? My first piece of advice is not to wait until your child brings it up. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge differences, albeit in a positive way, pointing out your child’s or someone else’s wonderful hair or beautiful skin.

When talking about skin color, you can explain to even children as young as three, that each of us has melanin in our bodies that determine the lightness or darkness of our skin. People living in hot climates developed more melanin to protect them from the sun, which made their skin darker. Point out that while we may have some physical things in common with other people, we all have a set of characteristics such as hair and eye color, hair texture, height, weight, and the shape of our features, that make us unique.

Like any issue that your child raises, it is essential to keep the lines of communication open, sending them a clear message that there are no taboo subjects.

Secondly, be sure that your children are exposed to children’s books and programming that includes a diverse array of characters. Fortunately, children’s literature has become more inclusive, publishing stories with protagonists with varied ethnic and racial backgrounds. Children’s toys have evolved, as well. Dolls and play figures now come in all shades. Be sure to include diverse choices in your child’s toy collection and use them as conversation starters.

And finally, if you want to send a positive message about race to your children, the most important thing that you can do is be inclusive in your social circle. Reach out and develop relationships with people who do not look like you. Not only will you be enriching your own experience, but you will also be expanding your child’s as well, sending a clear message that differences are not just to be tolerated but celebrated!

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.