What is it with kids not putting on their shoes? You ask nicely. You remind them kindly. But there they are playing on their devices in their socks, and you turn into Momzilla. All parents try their best, but no one gets it right all of the time. We asked two licensed therapists and a Montessori educator to weigh in on common discipline mistakes parents make and techniques to break out of them.

1. Inconsistency

According to Nilou Esmaeilpour, MSc, RCC at lotustherapy.ca, “One of the most common mistakes is not being consistent with discipline. This can confuse children and make them unsure about what to expect.” Children–whether toddlers or tweens–thrive on consistency. You wouldn’t think so by how often they argue with you. But nothing is more aggravating than getting away with something one day and getting punished for it the next.

Psychologists call this sort of inconsistent discipline intermittent reinforcement, and yes, every parent in the history of the world has accidentally reinforced the wrong thing. The great news is that you can walk back this habit. Esmaeilpour advises parents to set clear boundaries and rules. “Make sure all caregivers are on the same page regarding what behaviors are acceptable and the consequences of misbehavior.”

This can be hard if you can’t reach an agreement with your relatives or spouse on the behaviors that deserve consequences. If this is your situation, focus on being consistent in your zone. Once your littles know you’re serious, they won’t test those boundaries as much as they do now.

2. Relying Solely on Punishments

“Many parents react to bad behavior instead of proactively teaching good behavior,” says Esmaeilpour. This is an easy discipline mistake because no one wants to raise children who expect an award every time they do what they’re supposed to. But think back to when you had a boss or teacher who only criticized your mistakes. Did that motivate you to do your best work? Or did you feel like giving up because there was no way to please them?

While you do need to correct your crew, spend more time teaching the values and actions you want to see.  Your tween is a student in the school of life, so coach them accordingly. And then “focus on positive reinforcement and rewards for good behavior, rather than only punishments for undesirable actions,” adds Esmaeilpour.

Multiple studies have shown that positive reinforcement works better and faster than punishment. Teachers call this ‘catching someone doing good;’ it’s a powerful way to motivate kids to do the right thing. Make a goal to praise your little ones for six good things they do each day, and reward yourself every time you hit it. When that gets easy, raise the quota.

3. Being Overly Authoritative

No parent in their right mind negotiates with a toddler running toward the street. Or debates the merits of pureed vegetables with a six-month-old. So there are moments when we need kids to do what they’re told, but as Esmaeilpour points out, “demanding blind obedience can stifle a child’s sense of autonomy and independence.” Ultimately, we want our minis to grow into independent, resourceful people who will do the right thing even when it’s hard. Those aren’t skills you learn in a household run like a boot camp.

Esmaeilpour advocates that parents “Explain the reasons behind rules and involve older children in rule-setting.” You may want to start with a house rule your tween has trouble with. Tell them that while you are the parent and will set the rules, you want to hear their side of the story. Then, ask follow-up questions. Could you modify the house rule based on their feedback? Sometimes the answer isn’t “no,” it’s “not yet.” If that is the case for the house rule you’re discussing, you’ll need to map out when it might change.

Discussion takes longer than issuing demands, but stick with it. Children who know why they’re avoiding certain behaviors are more obedient when you aren’t watching. Tweens who help shape the rules of the house move from “My parents don’t let me do that” to “I don’t do that.” At that point, they will make better choices as they move through the world.

4. Not Following Through with Consequences

Montessori educator and PATH International certified therapeutic riding instructor Samantha Facciolo says, “One common mistake I see parents making about discipline is not following through with appropriate consequences. Take an unruly child in a community pool: The parent might warn the child, ‘If you don’t stop screaming/splashing people, we’re going home.’ Too often, the parent might reissue the demand several times without following through. In this case, the child is being taught that it’s okay to not respect the limits set and, consequently, is not learning self-regulation. Empty threats send the message that the parent doesn’t need to be trusted and doesn’t need to be listened to.”

Facciolo outlines three ways to stop making this discipline mistake. First, outline clear expectations for how the child should behave and offer age-appropriate explanations for your expectations. “Explain these before the child is distracted by the excitement and stimuli of the outing. Parents can also outline what consequence–not punishment–will result if the appropriate behaviors are not exhibited.”

If your child does misbehave, Facciolo suggests that you “find a quiet, calm moment to remind the child of the expected behavior. The child can correct the undesired behavior and continue enjoying the outing, or the parent will enact a logical and related consequence.”

And lastly, follow through on the outlined consequence if needed.

Set yourself up for success, and pick a set of consequences in advance and make sure you are willing to follow through on them. That way, you won’t paint yourself into a corner.

5. Not Allowing Natural Consequences

To be clear, we’re not talking about letting a child get burned by the stove or fall from a second-story window. “If it’s safe to do so, let your child experience the results of their choices (like forgetting a jacket on a chilly day). They’ll likely remember the feeling and choose differently next time,” says Esmaeilpour.

Letting kids experience natural consequences can be hard to do. The key is to start small; if your minis forget to pack a towel before going to the pool, let them put on their clothes while soaking wet. Then work your way up. If they don’t complete their homework, then they fail the assignment. The key is to choose natural consequences that your child finds uncomfortable. Some kids don’t care if they’re wet or receive a bad grade on an assignment. You know them best, so pick your battles.

6. Setting Unrealistic Expectations

You could set a piece of cake on the coffee table, tell your two-year-old not to eat it, and walk away, but if you’ve been parenting for more than five minutes, you wouldn’t expect it to be there when you return. Toddlers lack the impulse control to follow through with that type of expectation. Tweens, on the other hand, are mature enough to leave the cake alone. Every age has its breaking point. If we expect too much of our adults-in-training, it will harm our relationship with our kids and teach them that they can’t do anything right.

According to Esmaeilpour, the best way to set realistic expectations is to know what children are capable of at every age and stage. Many science-backed articles, videos, and webinars cover everything from age-appropriate chores to when you can expect better impulse control. Pick your preferred medium and set aside time to learn.

7. Using Negative Labels

mom making a common parenting mistake with a preschool aged girl
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We need to correct kids when they do something wrong. But as Esmaeilpour points out, “calling a child ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’ can negatively impact their self-esteem and self-worth.” It can also backfire. You might be trying to shame your kid into doing the right thing, but they may embrace the label instead. Raise your hand if you’ve seen a preschooler shout, with great gusto, “I’m naughty!”

Distinguish between the action and the child. “That was a bad choice” focuses on the problem. “You’re bad” is calling the child a lost cause. Pick a phrase now–before you’re irritated–so you know what you will say when your kid does something wrong.

8. Invalidating Emotions

We’ve all been there. All you want to do is run into the grocery store for that one thing, and your mini starts screaming because you won’t buy the giant squishmallow. You know you should react patiently, but instead, you snap, “You’re not hurt, knock it off!” But as Cheryl Groskopf, an LMFT and LPCC at evolutiontohealing.com says, “Invalidating a child’s emotions as a way of discipline makes them perceive that their reality does not match the world around them. It makes the child think that their emotions are ‘wrong.’”

But knowing better and doing better are two different things when you’re out in public. As Groskopf points out, the first step to breaking the cycle is to “acknowledge your emotions. Perhaps you’re not mad at your child for throwing a tantrum, but you’re feeling embarrassment or shame.” Then, treat yourself and your child with understanding. “Remember that your emotions are valid and real, and so are the child’s.”

It’s much easier to react with empathy when you understand someone’s point of view. You wouldn’t tell a friend who lost a loved one to snap out of it. Losing out on that Squishmallow isn’t nearly as bad, but it may be the worst thing to ever happen to your two-year-old.

9. Yelling or Losing Your Temper

Yelling can be scary for children and doesn’t teach them how to deal with conflicts constructively. They’re also less likely to tell you things that might upset you if you’re quick to lose your temper.

The first step in combatting a yelling habit is to notice when you’re getting upset. Then, pick a technique to short-circuit your usual response. Esmaeilpour advises, “If you feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath, count to ten, or step away for a moment to regroup.”

Managing anger is hard. This goes double for folks who grew up in a house with parents who yelled. If you need support parenting around your temper, don’t go it alone. Join a parent support group or speak to a therapist.

10. Not Modeling the Behavior You Expect

There’s nothing quite as humbling as hearing your words come out of your toddler’s mouth. “Children often mimic adult behavior. If parents don’t model the behavior they expect from their children, it can send mixed messages,” says Esmaeilpour. We joke about toddlers picking up our less glorious phrases, but tweens also mimic. They’re just more subtle about it. If you’re sarcastic when you get frustrated, they probably are, too.

Sometimes, it’s hard to notice when we miss this particular mark. Start by observing your child, and make a note of behaviors that you don’t like. Ask a trusted friend or relative if you do the same thing (you may learn some uncomfortable things about yourself), and make a plan to model the behavior you want to see.

Related: 7 Things Not to Say (Or Do) to a Pissed-Off Tween

More Ways to Stop Repeating Discipline Mistakes

Esmaeilpour suggests a series of techniques that can help, no matter the issue you’re trying to solve.

Educate Yourself

Read books, attend workshops, or join parenting groups where you can gain knowledge and receive support.

Reflect and Apologize

When you make a discipline mistake, apologize to your child. Sometimes, parents think apologizing undermines their authority. The fact is, your kid knows when you’re wrong. Admitting your mistake builds credibility and models the behavior you want to see.

Seek Feedback

The best athletes in the world hire coaches to watch what they’re doing and advise them on getting better. Ask your partner, close friends, or even your children for feedback. They can provide valuable insights.

Consider Counseling or Therapy

A professional can offer personalized strategies and insights to address specific challenges.

Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need parents who try their best and look for ways to improve. Through your hard work and determination, you will be the parent you want to be and raise great kids to boot.

As parents, we’re always trying our best to support and encourage our children and build up their self-confidence so they can thrive in the real world. But there are times when the words and phrases we choose end up doing more harm than good. Sometimes it’s out of a lack of understanding; other times, it’s because we simply lost our cool—who among us hasn’t snapped a bit after the 500th interruption?

To break those toxic cycles and help our kiddos grow into their best selves, though, we need to be more mindful of the things we say. Even if you have toddlers who are on the younger side, you can stay ahead of the game by being prepared not to start any of these bad habits. So have a look at this list of phrases that might secretly undermine our child’s self-confidence and learn some new alternatives that can get your point across without causing any real damage.

1. “Why can’t you do anything right?” (or “You can’t even do this simple thing!”)

Most of us have had a moment of weakness where we snapped at our kid for being unable (or unwilling) to complete the simplest task. You might be frustrated at their constant need for your help, but despite your feelings, this is one type of phrase you just don’t want to use.

“This kind of statement is an absolute negative, making the child believe that they’re inherently incapable,” says Alex Anderson-Kahl, a nationally certified school psychologist. “Over time, they may internalize this belief, thinking they’re incompetent in all areas.”

Dr. Thai Alonso, a bilingual licensed clinical psychologist, agrees that this sort of phrase corrodes a child’s self-worth.

“(Additionally) the impact it has on the parent-child relationship… oftentimes becomes the archetype for future relationships. Think about it this way, ‘How would I feel if my child’s friends or future partner spoke to them this way?’ Instead of shaming, try being curious about what got in the way. For instance, ‘We agreed that you would [insert task] and it did not get done. What happened?’” she says.

2. “You’re not as good as [another child].” or “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother/another child?”

There’s never a good reason to compare a child to their siblings, cousins, or other peers.

“Comparing a child negatively to others can make them feel inadequate and less valued. They might begin to believe they can never measure up or that their own achievements are worthless,” Anderson-Kahl says.

According to Dr. Alonso, “Comparisons to siblings are especially insidious and often breed resentment. As parents, it is in our children’s best interest to support their sibling relationships (one of the few lifelong relationships most people have) instead of using them as leverage and to instill shame.” Dr. Alonso recommends using phrasing like, “I am feeling frustrated and want to help us figure this out. What is going on?”

“Leave the comparison out of it. We already do enough of that on our own,” she adds.

3. “You’ll never be able to do that.”

Why would a parent want to put a boundary on what their child can achieve? This is especially true for toddlers and little kids who are inherently driven to seek independence and practice new skills.

“Telling a child what they can’t do sets a limitation on their potential. They might become fearful of trying new things, believing they’re destined to fail,” Anderson-Kahl says.

Instead of adding fear, anxiety, and insecurity, you can try asking a child why they would like to do the activity or action in mind, and even help them brainstorm ways to reach their goal. Even if it’s something that feels out of our own reach, there’s no reason to put a damper on their dreams.

4. “You never do as I say.” or “You don’t listen to me.”

All children are defiant at some point, and a lot of this is perfectly typical and even good for their development. But using absolutes like “never” is rarely useful.

“When a child is constantly told, ‘You never do as I say,’ they may internalize this belief and think they are incapable of following instructions,” says Matt Scubert, a mental health counselor that works with children and parents.

“In contrast, a more constructive parental response would be, ‘You are usually such an amazing listener. Why are you struggling to listen this time?’ By phrasing it this way, the child is reminded of their usual positive behavior as an active listener, which fosters a positive self-perception,” he says.

a mom helping her son express feelings
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5. “You make me feel [insert negative experience].”

It’s not always intentional, but many a stressed parent has likely inadvertently blamed their child for their feelings.

“This can range all the way from something like, ‘You made me so mad!’ to something cruel such as, ‘You make me wonder why I even had another child.’ These messages come from a place of parental desperation and communicate to children that they are the parent’s source of grief, are responsible for the way their parents feel, are disliked, and maybe even abhorred,” Dr. Alonso says.

She recommends that parents remember children ultimately just want to feel loved and respected and should take a beat to calm down before letting a phrase like this slip out.

“A parent can be honest and communicate their frustration or worry in a healthy way. One way of doing this would be: ‘I was really mad before because I was so worried about what it would be like for you if you failed this test. I love you and want good things for you. Let’s talk about what got in the way of you studying and how I can support you,’” she says.

6. “It’s no big deal.” or “It’s not scary.”

Building a child’s self-confidence includes acknowledging and respecting their feelings, even if they don’t align with ours.

“For instance, saying something like ‘This isn’t scary’ to a child that is anxious about something reinforces that their feeling isn’t valid,” says Jill DiPietro, owner and therapist at Foundations Therapy in NYC. “The same is true for minimizing behaviors. For instance, ‘Stop crying. This isn’t a big deal.’ These types of statements minimize a child’s natural feelings and reactions,” she says.

DiPietro says these types of comments can lead to friction in the parent-child relationship, resulting in kids feeling unsafe to express their genuine emotions.

“Instead, practice pairing empathy with encouragement. This may sound like this: ‘I know you feel scared right now and know that mom is here to support you,’ or ‘This can feel scary. It’s okay to cry. I know we can be brave and do this together,’” DiPietro says.

7. “I don’t know why I bother with you.”

It isn’t hard to imagine a parent asking a child to help them with something only to find the child is unable to complete the task, and then becoming increasingly impatient or annoyed with said child. But that doesn’t give license to utter a phrase like this.

“This (phrase) indicates a lack of worth or value in the child’s presence or efforts. Feeling unappreciated or unwanted can lead to feelings of rejection and a belief that they’re unlovable. Words carry weight, especially coming from influential figures in a child’s life. Positive reinforcement, patience, and understanding are crucial for nurturing their self-esteem and confidence,” Anderson-Kahl says.

8. “You’re just not trying hard enough.”

Not all that dissimilar from the last phrase, this one puts a lot of pressure and shame on the child that’s hearing it. While some kids might not always put forth all the effort (because maybe they want to return to playing a game or having free time), this is the wrong way to go about encouraging them.

According to Dr. LeMeita Smith, a psychologist and a psychological advisor at Tarotoo, “When we tell a child that they’re not trying hard enough, we think we’re motivating them, but what they might hear is that their best isn’t good enough. We’re indirectly asking them to measure up to some impossible standard. This can chip away at their confidence, making them doubt their abilities and lose faith in their effort.”

9. “I do everything for you, and this is how you treat me?”

While many parents sacrifice a lot to give their child as much as possible, there’s never a reason to put this on the child’s shoulders, especially when they are still growing.

“This (phrase) can make children feel like they owe something for being cared for. It can create guilt and the notion that love and care are transactional,” says Bayu Prihandito, a certified psychology expert. “Words have a lasting impact, especially on young minds. These phrases can instill negative perceptions in kids… and over time, these beliefs can shape their personalities and behaviors in adverse ways.”

Rather than try and guilt children into being thankful, it’s better to try and instill a regular gratitude practice in their daily lives.

They may not be able to talk, but infants are constantly communicating with the world around them, and boy are they eager to let parents and caregivers know what they want at any given time. As a parent, it won’t take long to decipher your baby’s code—you know, those high-pitched gurgles that tell you your little one is hungry, or the eye rubs that let you know nap time is near. When you miss a subtle signal or two (and you will, trust us), you’ll be made well aware by your baby’s not-so-subtle cries. That’s when you think: Wouldn’t it be great if they could TELL me what they needed? That’s why some parents turn to sign language for babies as a more consistent way to communicate with their kids before they know how to “use their words.”

What is baby sign language?

Baby signs are very simple hand gestures, often based on American Sign Language (ASL), that help babies who aren’t yet speaking to communicate basic needs to hearing parents. Each sign corresponds to a word that is super relevant to an infant’s life, like wanting “milk” or needing “help.” Teaching your baby sign language allows your child to communicate their biggest needs and make sure they’re met, explains Laura Payne, MDE, a baby ASL expert and teacher.  This lessens frustrations for both kids and parents and builds trust.

Payne explains that teaching your baby a few useful signs and building from there is a wonderful way to introduce them to a beautiful language while also helping them express their wants and needs throughout their daily routines. In doing so, you can consistently meet those needs, strengthening your attachment and boosting your confidence as a parent. 

When should you start teaching sign language to your baby?

When are those adorable little hands ready to start forming signs? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests teaching your baby sign language beginning at 6 months. This is thought to be a good window because developmentally infants are learning how to gesture around this time, but this milestone really kicks into high gear at the 8-month mark. Payne stresses that you’re never too early or too late to start. “Babies are born needing to communicate with us,” she says. “So you can start at 6 months or you can start when they’re learning to walk.” You know your baby better than anyone, so give it a go when you feel ready.

5 of the best signs to teach your infant:

The best way to teach your baby sign language is to choose signs that are important to you and your family and ones that you use a lot. Payne suggests starting with “high-functioning” words because they help your little one communicate their basic needs.

1. Milk

While keeping your hand steady in front of you, form the shape of a “C.” Then open and close your hand twice, ensuring your thumb closes over your fingers. You can start modeling this sign before your baby is old enough to do it themselves, and once they’re familiar with the sign you might see their eyes widen with excitement when they realize it’s milk time.

2. Eat

Make a rounded “O” with your fingers and then flatten your fingers out. Turn your fingers to face your chin and move them to your lips like you’re eating.

3. All Done

When signing “all done,” start with your palms facing in and the top of your hands facing out. In a quick motion, turn your palms to face out, and now you’re all done. Remember that you can use this sign in all kinds of situations, like during play and at the park—it’s not just for mealtime.

4. More

Bring your fingers and thumbs to touch and flatten both your hands—like the flat “O” when signing “eat.” Next, tap your fingers together and then pull them apart several times. Remember that your baby could be attempting this sign in any number of ways, from clapping their hands to tapping a single finger into the opposite palm.

5. Help

Your dominant hand is going to sign the letter “A” in ASL, or you can remember it as a thumbs up. Make a flat palm with your other hand and place it under your dominant hand. Raise both hands together to sign the word “help.”

How do you teach your baby sign language?

Payne recommends signing while saying the word at the same time, always remembering to embed the word in context. The next time you and your tot sit down to eat, this can mean signing the word for “eat” while using it in a sentence like, “It looks like you love to eat bananas” or “I see you eating those sweet potatoes.” This gives your little one the context of what the word means supported by the sign language. “I’d also recommend using statements over questions when you’re modeling [sign language],” Payne advises. 

It’s important to incorporate signs into your daily life and be sure to repeat them, according to Baby Sign Language. Research shows that repetition can be critically important for learning, so try to sign before, during, and after an event, like a meal. Another great way to help your baby learn to sign is when you read together. Payne says to sit your child on your lap so they have a clear view of your hands and the book. This way your baby can see you sign words you’re introducing (or already using) as you read.

What are the benefits of sign language for babies?

As far as baby sign language goes, there are benefits for everyone involved. Babies can express their thoughts and needs more effectively, which means less frustration and fewer tantrums due to communication barriers. It also saves parents a lot of time and frustration. If your baby signs “eat” you’ll know to prepare their favorite sweet potatoes instead of jumping into trial-and-error mode, changing diapers and searching for favorite Loveys. Teaching your baby to sign sets everyone up for better communication.

Another benefit is that learning sign language is in line with your infant’s physical development. Payne says the muscles in your baby’s arms and fingers develop faster than those in their mouth, throat, and nasal cavity, so they can sign long before they actually say their first words. Some folks believe that using sign language with babies can delay their verbal communication, but research has shown just the opposite. According to recent studies, it can actually facilitate rather than hinder the development of voice language, per The National Library of Medicine. As Payne sums it up, “language supports language.”

Since sign language is multisensory—communicating through seeing, hearing (saying the words you’re signing), and creating movements—it also nurtures your kid’s cognitive development. “Children feel their body moving and it allows for a multisensory approach, which helps them learn best,” says Payne. And if all that wasn’t enough, signing also helps to strengthen the bond between a child and their parents or caregivers.

What if your baby seems disinterested?

All children learn at a different pace, so if you feel your infant isn’t picking up the signs you’re putting down, don’t panic. There are a number of potential causes if you’re feeling discouraged, like maybe your baby just isn’t ready to start signing, or they’re already signing but you haven’t realized or aren’t positively reinforcing their attempts. These are important pieces of the puzzle to consider. When your baby does start to show interest, positive reinforcement is key to building their self-esteem, which encourages them to sign more. 

If you’re concerned about your baby’s ability to learn sign language, Payne suggests you seek out a professional for help. “Reaching out to an expert in the field can help parents and caregivers troubleshoot.”

No matter how hard you try, there will come a point in your parenting journey when you say something you assumed was harmless—but wasn’t. You might not notice it at first. It could even be something you grew up hearing in your own household. But sometimes, you’ll catch yourself and wonder if that was the right thing to say. Like when you find your child dumping their kinetic sand in the toilet and immediately respond with, “What is wrong with you?!” only to instantly see their faces turn, reminding you they’re just being kids.

Is it the worst thing to say “What is wrong with you?” to your child? Not exactly, but depending on your tone, you might end up causing them to feel shame—as if they’re a problem that needs to be fixed (which they clearly are not). So what are some other “harmless” phrases we should be looking out for day to day?

1. Anything that insinuates that expressing emotion is bad

No one likes to hear their child cry, but shedding tears is perfectly healthy. Unfortunately, we have several phrases that shame our kids out of feeling their feelings. “We are essentially teaching kids to ignore and push away feelings of sadness and anger, which are important emotions that signal our bodies to pay attention to triggers/important information,” says clinical psychologist and children’s book author Dr. Anjali Ferguson.

  • Stop crying and be a big boy/girl: Dr. Sanam Hafeez, neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, says this phrase is harmful because it teaches children to suppress their feelings to fit into a specific gender stereotype or societal expectation of what it means to be “big.”
  • Boys don’t cry: Dr. Hafeez says this hurtful phrase reinforces toxic masculinity and can lead boys to suppress their emotions and feelings. “It’s crucial to teach boys that expressing their emotions is okay and that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.”
  • Stop being so sensitive: Vanssa Kahlon, family interventionist and founder of Kahlon Family Services, says this phrase can invalidate children’s feelings. “It sends the message that expressing emotions is something to be ashamed of or avoided, which can be harmful to a child’s emotional development.

2. ​​Eat everything on your plate.

Dr. Hafeez says that while it’s essential to encourage children to eat healthy and try new foods, this phrase can be harmful as it can lead to overeating and a negative relationship with food. “Instead, encourage children to listen to their bodies and eat until they are satisfied rather than forcing them to clean their plates,” she adds.

3. Be careful! You’re going to hurt yourself.

“While it’s natural to want to protect children from harm, this phrase can lead to unnecessary fear and anxiety. Children need opportunities to explore and take risks to learn and develop their physical and cognitive abilities,” says Dr. Hafeez. Instead of constantly warning kids to be careful, she recommends simply supervising and guiding them as they learn and grow.

Related: 6 Better Phrases to Say Instead of ‘Be Careful’ When Kids Are Taking Risks

4. Don’t talk to strangers.

It’s good to teach kids about safety, but Dr. Hafeez says this phrase can instill an unnecessary fear of people they don’t know. “Teaching children how to recognize unsafe situations, ask for help when needed, and communicate effectively with others is better,” she says.

5. That’s life.

Mendi Baron, LCSW and CEO of Moriah Behavioral Health, says adults tend to use this phrase as a catch-all for when something bad happens. This implication can cause a child to internalize that life is made up of awful things, causing unnecessary fear and worry. “We never say ‘That’s life’ to good things that happen. Explaining that certain things in life are going to happen is ok, but we tend to only generalize the negative things,” Baron says.

Related: 8 Ways to Say ‘No’ to Your Kid (Without Actually Saying It)

a mom using hurtful words without realizing it
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6. I don’t know.

Baron says it’s important to acknowledge when you truly don’t know the answer to a question, but phrasing it this way doesn’t allow room for growth. More than that, this backfires on parents as he says it’s why our kids and teens end up defaulting to “I don’t know” when they want to avoid answering questions. “It’s better to say ‘That’s a good question,’ followed by, ‘I will find out the answer or look for an answer,’” Baron says.

7. You’re so smart!

It’s so easy to utter this seemingly benign phrase whenever your kid gets a good grade or figures out a complex problem, but it’s good to think twice before using it. “This phrase may seem like a compliment, but it can actually be harmful to a child’s self-esteem in the long run,” Kahlon says. “By constantly telling a child that they’re smart, they may start to feel pressure to live up to that label and become afraid of making mistakes or taking risks.”

8. Making a promise and not following through.

We’ve all been there. You really did mean to finish that game of Monopoly with your kid tomorrow, but then work ran late, and dinner needed to be made, and suddenly it’s 9 p.m. and everyone’s got to get to bed. While this is okay once in a while, you don’t want to make it a habit. “Children thrive on routine and predictability, so inconsistency can be harmful to their sense of stability and security,” Kahlon says. “It’s important to follow through with promises and set clear expectations to help children feel safe and secure.”

9. Anything relating to being “good” or “bad.”

Kahlon and Dr. Ferguson both offered examples that emphasize children’s behavior as good or bad, both of which can be harmful.

  • You’re being bad/naughty: “This type of labeling can be harmful to a child’s self-esteem and may lead them to internalize negative beliefs about themselves. Instead of labeling the behavior, try addressing it specifically and focusing on positive reinforcement for desired behavior,” Kahlon says.
  • Were you good today?: “This phrase gives the message that parental attention and/or affection is only provided when behaving well,” Dr. Ferguson says. She adds that this phrase also ignores the fact that it’s normal for moods to fluctuate and that even kids can have “tough days.” Instead, she recommends asking your child what they found challenging today, or what their wins or successes were. “For young children, you can even ask them what made them happy today and what made them sad,” she says.
  • Make sure you behave: Dr. Ferguson says that many times we say this with good intentions, hoping to promote positive behavior. “This statement can often be ineffective because it is not specific enough for what we want out of a child’s behaviors.” In the adult world, she compares it to getting a new assignment from your supervisor, who simply says “Do a good job” without offering any guidance on how to achieve that goal. “Instead, try giving 2-3 specific behaviors for children to focus on. For example, when walking into a new environment, remind your child to 1. Use walking feet, 2. Keep hands in your pockets, 3. Use an inside voice,” she says. This way, you’re setting up your child for success.

As your kid’s budding personality begins to reveal itself, you’re sure to get a kick out of all their quirks and preferences—and you can’t help but notice just how much of their own little person they really are. You might have loved a good impromptu dance party as a child, but your kid may be more content to revel in quiet time, read a picture book, or express themselves with watercolors. Or they’re super active and eager to sprint all over the park—or just about anywhere else you take them (sorry, fellow grocery store shoppers). To get an even better sense of your toddler’s favorite activities, you can look to their unique natal astrology, which offers valuable intel on their personality, perspective, and preferences.

As an astrologer and the author of Raising Baby by the Stars: A New Parent’s Guide to Astrology, I’m passionate about sharing the wisdom of astrology with parents to hopefully make life a little easier (and fun!). So let’s dive in and look at children’s astrology signs to better understand what your kid most likes to do.

Aries (March 21-April 20)

an aries symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet of action and energy, so your little ram is one of the most on-the-go, physically active kids of the zodiac. Sitting still is not their forte, but bounding around and moving at lightning speed absolutely is, so this is a toddler who will not only love but need time outside at a playground or, on a rainy day, an indoor jungle gym. Even if they’re run-down, they may still want to do something fast and exciting, so zip them around your favorite park in a jogging stroller. Since they’re innately competitive and positively gleeful whenever they’re declared #1, competitive games are a must. Do a timed scavenger hunt or see who in the family can do the most jumping jacks in a minute. And because—as much as they may wish you were—you’re not an Energizer Bunny, when you do flip on a show or read them a book, your silly little Aries will love slapstick humor. 

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

a taurus symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Born under Taurus, the fixed earth sign, your wee bull is perfectly happy moving through life at a slow and steady pace. For that reason, when in doubt, err on the side of activities that don’t need to be rushed to complete—like slowly chipping away at a longer book or a LEGO building project. Because Taurus is ruled by Venus, the planet of art and beauty, your toddler has a soft spot for creative endeavors of all kinds—whether that’s making music with kid-size instruments or crafting their favorite animal out of Play-Doh. The bull is also known for being uniquely in touch with all five senses, so sensory activities that allow your tot to engage through sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound are sure to be a winner. Think: heading to the nearest playground for a picnic and discussing all the elements of nature around you, from birds singing to flowers sprouting. 

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

a gemini symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Gemini toddlers are among the most social and chatty kids of the zodiac thanks to their ruling planet Mercury, the information-gathering planet that oversees communication, transportation, and technology. The sign of the twins also happens to be associated with the Third House of Communication, so activities that involve other kids are sure to be a hit, whether that’s a group playdate or mommy and me class. Your twins child is also bound to be a bookworm who adores trips to the library or bookstore, especially if they involve storytime. Known to be as adept at listening as they are at sharing their many thoughts, you’ll do well to prioritize opportunities for them to flex their conversation skills, whether that’s by FaceTiming loved ones or just chatting through their routine. Games that incorporate wordplay (like “I Spy”) are also winners for Gemini toddlers. And given that Mercury rules transportation, they’ll love learning about trains, planes, or automobiles.

Related: 23 Ways to Exhaust Your Toddler Before Sundown

Cancer (June 22-July 21)

a cancer symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Your little crab is a heartfelt, intuitive, sentimental sweetheart who, even more than other toddlers, can let loose and have the most fun when they feel securely attached to you and other family members. These traits are owed, in great part, to the fact that Cancer is ruled by the moon, which oversees emotions, intuition, and maternal energy in astrology. So, put on a playlist of your favorite heart-soaring songs (“Let It Go,” anyone?) and encourage your crab cutie to sing along with you. Your little Cancer will also love a leisurely stroll by the nearest body of water (something that’s infinitely therapeutic for a water sign) while strapped to you or holding your hand. Speaking of water, they love playing with bath or pool toys, and as an innately nurturing sign you can tap into their desire to take care of others by playing veterinarian or preparing yummy snacks for their siblings.

Leo (July 22-August 22)

a leo symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Outgoing, buoyant, confident, and eager to be the center of attention, your little lion owes their exuberance to their ruler, the vitality-bringing sun. They’re also natural-born leaders, so any activity that allows them to run the show (like Follow the Leader) will fire them up. Associated with the Fifth House of Fun and Self-Expression, Leo toddlers love to share what’s in their hearts and on their minds through big, showy creative outlets, like playing dress-up with brightly colored (ideally sparkly!) or otherwise vibrant costumes, putting on a play, or having an impromptu dance party—which you’ll be instructed by your budding star to capture on your phone. While Leo toddlers tend to be fairly extroverted and active, they’re more apt to sit still for books and movies that revolve around being a star or a leader, like Disney’s The Lion Guard. But no matter what they adore the most, as a result of being the fixed fire sign, don’t be surprised if once they’ve pinpointed an activity they love, they’ll want to do it again and again.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

a virgo symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Born under the mutable earth sign, your maiden is thoughtful, helpful, and super-communicative, and you’ll want to look to their ruling planet Mercury, the messenger planet, for valuable clues on their favorite activities. Associated with the Sixth House of Daily Routine, they’ll love pitching in on any to-do you need to check off your list, whether that’s putting away laundry or feeding the family kitty. They’ll likely also be fans of games that involve organization or sorting. And from the time they’re tiny they’re bound to be intrigued by language, so you can’t miss with some dedicated storytime, ideally reading books that cover Virgoan themes like everyday routines, healthy habits, and nurturing your well-being and the world around you (think: The Curious Garden by Peter Brown). Also be sure to give your Virgo the opportunity to “write” their own books or share their own stories out loud, as their Mercurial influence means they’re natural storytellers.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

a libra symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Your Libra kid is partnership-oriented, beauty-loving, and peace-seeking as a result of the scales’ ruler, Venus, the planet of relationships, art, and harmony. Associated with the Seventh House of Partnership, they’re most likely to enjoy one-on-one bonding activities with you, another caregiver, or your bestie’s kid (who is bound to be their BFF, too). Scales kids will love trips to an art museum, making up their very own song, or experimenting with new hairstyles or colorful outfits. They’re especially driven to hone their personal style, so they’ll have fun playing with their very own grooming kit or even keeping you company while you do your skincare or hair-styling routine. And although they shine best when they’re part of a pair, they’re also social butterflies at heart, meaning they’ll dive right into a dance or music class and instantly make friends.

Related: 15 Ways to Play with Toddlers That Take 10 Minutes (or Less)

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

a scorpio symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Intense, emotionally intelligent, and dynamic, your Scorpio kid owes their innate magnetism and powerful vibe to their modern ruler Pluto, the planet of transformation, and their traditional ruler Mars, the planet of action and energy. And you’ll do well to look to the themes of both of these planets when brainstorming activities for your scorpion tot. For example, Pluto’s all about uncovering the shadow side of life, so your kiddo will be drawn to puzzles or games that involve a mystery they can solve. And given their Mars influence, they’ll enjoy pastimes that allow them to take charge—like picking out a Sunday night dinner or taking on the role of Simon in a game of Simon Says. As a water sign, Scorps also adore time spent at the beach or swimming, which they’re sure to find calming. It also bears noting that Scorpio is associated with the Eighth House of Emotional Bonds, so entertainment that sets the stage for conversations about deep-rooted emotions (like Inside Out) will resonate with your toddler.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

a sagittarius symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Upbeat, independent, and outspoken, your toddler was born under the mutable fire sign ruled by fortunate Jupiter, the planet of abundance and expansion. To that end, wanderlust-filled Sag’s mantra is “bigger is better,” so you’ll always do well to prioritize activities that broaden your child’s horizon, whether that’s taking them on a walk through a thrilling nature trail, heading to the zoo to learn about animals from all over the globe, catching a train ride to the nearest city to go sightseeing, or actually doing some long-distance traveling with your future aspiring globe-trotter. But on homebody days, you can lean on books, games, and puzzles that allow your Sag’s mind to wander all over the planet (like Busy, Busy World by Richard Scarry). They’ll also be one of the first of the zodiac to enjoy learning a new language. And even in your own neighborhood, take them to the widest play area you can find, as your free-spirited tot will always love running and playing in big open spaces.

Capricorn (December 22-January 21)

a capricorn symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Your Capricorn toddler is a driven smarty-pants with a penchant for rules and tradition, thanks to their ruling planet, taskmaster Saturn, which oversees commitment and boundaries. Kids born under the cardinal earth sign like to take the initiative and work step-by-step toward a goal, so you might find they really enjoy using a piggy bank to save up allowance or helping you tend to the family garden or household plants (an activity that also speaks to your little green thumb’s earthiness). Associated with the Tenth House of Career and Public Image, you could be surprised by just how much your toddler acts like a little CEO in training, which is also a sign that they’ll enjoy playing a game of make-believe revolving around being the boss. As an old soul at heart, your Cap toddler will enjoy listening to old-school tunes (you could be surprised just how much they love artists like Stevie Wonder or Ella Fitzgerald) and learning about history—specifically, game-changing leaders from the past.

Aquarius (January 22-February 18)

an aquarius symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Your social, humanitarian, highly original toddler, born under the fixed air sign, owes their electrifyingly innovative MO to their modern ruling planet, Uranus, which oversees change, rebellion, and the desire to strike out against convention. In turn, know that your water-bearer kid will always want to march to the beat of their own drum. If all the other kids in the neighborhood are into an activity they saw on Ms. Rachel this week, your Aquarius might want to do anything but that. Instead, they may prefer to make up their own game—or better yet, science experiment or invention project. At the same time, because Aquarius is associated with the Eleventh House of Networking, they’re community-oriented, so they’ll like hanging out at the local pool or playground with a group of playmates or making new friends when you visit friends or family on a road trip. They also adore technology and science due to Uranus being the planet of electricity and innovation, so prioritize activities that make it possible for them to learn about these subjects—and maybe even make a cutting-edge discovery.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

a pisces symbol for a story on what activities your toddler likes based on your children's astrology signs

Your fish toddler, born under the mutable water sign, is deeply emotional, tenderhearted, sensitive, perceptive, empathic, and innately in tune with the mystical aspects of life. This is owed to their modern ruler, Neptune, the planet of spirituality, and the fact that Pisces is associated with the Twelfth House of Spirituality. That said, you’ll want to embrace Neptunian themes when planning activities for your Pisces, like keeping a dream journal, expressing emotions through art (whether that’s coloring or working with you to write a poem), learning about crystals, reading or making up whimsical, fantastical stories, or engaging in mind-body practices like meditation, deep breathing, or kid yoga. Because they’re so compassionate and apt to pick up on all the energy and emotions around them, you may find they enjoy and benefit from activities that teach self-soothing, like spending time in a calming corner or listening to their favorite mellow, soft music. 

Disciplining kids of all ages can be tricky. We’ve all been in the heat of the moment when frustrations are high, and the default impulse to yell at or shame a misbehaving child is difficult to resist. According to experts, these tactics are minimally effective in the short term and entirely ineffective in the long term. “Children aren’t misbehaving because they are bad,” says Carole Kramer Arsenault, CEO of Boston Baby Nurse & Nanny. “They are trying to learn, and how we respond will have a huge impact on their development.”

Instead of losing your cool, engaging in positive discipline practices can help to more effectively manage unwanted or inappropriate behavior and allow little ones to genuinely learn and understand lessons about the consequences of their behavior. We consulted parenting experts for practical advice to help kids and parents weather the storms of tantrums, misbehaving, and acting out—scroll down to see 10 simple and effective disciplinary phrases to try the next time you need to put your foot down.

1. “Let’s talk about it calmly.” Defusing and de-escalating a tense situation is often the first order of business when disciplining a child. “Parents and kids are stressed like never before,” says Kramer Arsenault. “When you think back to how parents have traditionally responded to [their kids’] big emotions, it was often to react with similarly big emotions. Instead, our mindset about disciplining children needs to shift.” As an author, registered nurse, certified parenting coach, and mother of three, Kramer Arsenault said that rather than disciplining as punishment, parents should use these as teachable moments, starting from a calm place.

2. “Stop. Keep your hands to yourself.” In a circumstance where a child’s behavior may be hurting others, such as biting or hitting, Kramer Arsenault said it’s essential for parents to provide clarity in their directions to ensure parent and child are on the same page. “Instead of saying ‘You know you should keep your hands to yourself, right?’ it’s better to say it as a statement rather than ask a question.” Be firm and direct.

3. “No means no.” Being kind but firm is important to establish boundaries for a child. According to Dr. Stephen Bavolek, author of Nurturing Parenting Programs, setting boundaries and expectations for children helps build important life skills, including patience, problem solving, responsibility, and self-discipline. “The purpose of family rules is for parents and children to establish consistent guidelines that will help everyone know what is and isn’t expected of them,” said Bavolek.

dad using positive discipline on his daughter
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4. “Try to do better.” Acknowledging that there is an opportunity to do better is important for a child’s growth. Maureen Healey, child development expert and author of “The Emotionally Healthy Child,” says, “When we’re upset, we may scream or slam doors, but moving from reactivity to responsiveness is the path to positive emotional health.” Encouraging children to catch themselves and make different, better choices is an important life lesson.

5. “Consider the consequences.” Trying to reason with an upset child can seem like a Sisyphean task, but guiding a child to understand the consequences of her actions can have a lasting impact. “Having clear expectations is very important,” says Kramer Arsenault. “But sharing the consequences of actions is just as important, too.”

6. “Let’s take some deep breaths together.” Tense situations between parent and child sometimes warrant time outs for both parties to allow the heated moment to pass. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, effective discipline to raise healthy children does not include any form of corporal punishment. Researchers have linked corporal punishment to an increased risk of negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes for children. 

7. “Can I find a special toy for you?” If a child is fighting over a toy with another child, redirecting their attention and refocusing on something else can alleviate the tension. Children sometimes misbehave because they are hungry, bored, or don’t know any better. Experts said encouraging something new or different to focus on is a useful reframing and disciplining tactic.

 

mom hugging son
iStock

8. “It’s OK to be upset.”  Permitting children to experience their feelings is important to developing their sense of self and security. “Kids have a lot of emotions and outbursts, and sometimes they don’t understand why,” says Kramer Arsenault. “Just explaining and teaching them that it’s OK to feel upset is an important lesson.”

9. “Can you choose a better word to use?” Talking back or potty talk can be alarming. For example, parents may experience their potty-training kid suddenly expressing themselves with colorful (and inappropriate) language like “poopy-head.” Fortunately, the American Academy of Pediatrics assures that this is a normal developmental stage, and parents should avoid overreacting or making light of unwanted language. Instead, encourage problem solving and finding better, more appropriate language.

10. Sometimes, silence is golden. While there are serious misbehaviors that should never be ignored—including aggression or anything that puts a child or others in harm’s way—selectively ignoring relatively minor, negative attention-seeking actions, such as whining, temper tantrums, and talking back, may help to curtail those problematic behaviors in children. According to research, positive reinforcement through praise and support, with consistency and clarity, results in greater emotional stability and health of children.

When words fail, Boston Baby Nurse & Nanny’s Carole Kramer Arsenault suggested three simple reminders: 

  1. Parents need to better educate themselves to appropriate, positive disciplining.
  2. Parents can build trust with their children through consistency and clarity.
  3. Lastly, and most importantly, parents should model the behavior they want from their children.

Say it with us, “I’m going easy on myself today”

Parenting is no walk in the park, and sometimes it feels like the cards are stacked against us: work, dealing with tantrums (be it your toddler or tween), laundry, inflation on just about everything. That’s why it is more important than ever to offer some positive reinforcement… to yourself! We talked to the experts and came up with 15 positive affirmations to write down, display, or pull out on the days or in the moments when you need a lift.

Why positive affirmations can make you a better parent

We asked renowned parenting expert Reena B. Patel why positive affirmations matter. Patel, who is also a licensed educational psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and the author of Winnie & Her Worries, reminds us that positive affirmations are rooted in positive psychology. “Positive, simple statements help shift your focus away from perceived failures and direct your focus toward your strengths,” says Patel. “We believe and act upon what we think, thus leading to self-fulfilling prophecies if we focus only on what we are not good at. There is power in positive thinking. Positive emotions are linked with better health, longer life, and greater well-being.”

Patel also suggests that, whenever possible, parents try to state their affirmation while looking at themselves in the mirror, and by saying the statement multiple times a day (at least three is ideal). Use positive “I’ statements and place a visual of the words in an area that you can see daily as a reminder, she adds.

1. I am a good parent. It’s easy to criticize ourselves and focus on how we think we’re failing as a mom or dad. But parenting is tough, and we’re all doing the best we can. Acknowledge that fact, and tell yourself out loud, every day, that you’re a good parent.

2. Loving myself is the greatest gift I can give to my child. Kids are sponges and they learn from us. So if your kiddos know you appreciate yourself, they will learn to love themselves. That’s one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.

3. I’m not perfect. We all know that nobody is perfect. But we place a big expectation on ourselves as parents to be pretty close to it. Repeating that mantra is a great reminder that it’s okay to be human, not to be perfect.

4. I can only control myself. It’s so hard, but one of the best ways to help kids grow emotionally is to exhibit mature behavior. Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC, says, “When we react emotionally to our kids and lose control, we’re allowing our kids to determine how we behave rather than the other way around.” Next time your kid throws a massive fit, try to stay calm and see what happens.

5. I am willing to learn and grow. Patel reminds us that it is critical to embrace change and growth, even when things seem tough. After all, it’s what we’d tell our kids, right?
6. Today is a new day. It’s easy to focus on how yesterday was a bad day. Sanah Rizvi, the founder of The Psych Way, suggests shifting the self-talk to focus on how every day is a chance to make progress toward what you want and the person you want to be.

7. I’m doing the best I can do. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. Repeating that mantra every day will help you accept it as truth.

8. I make good decisions for my kids. This positive affirmation is a tough one to remember, especially when little ones are very vocal about making their displeasure with our decisions known. Parent Trust points out that moms and dads know they’re making the right choices for their kids. Embrace it and repeat the statement to yourself as a reminder.

9. I’m going easy on myself today. Permit yourself to take it easy. Say it out loud and grow comfortable with the idea.

10. It’s okay to ask for help, and what’s more, I deserve it. It’s time to take control of your needs and be OKAY with asking for help. You’ll be surprised to find out how many people are willing to step up if you just ask them.

11. Parenting is exhausting. Every parent knows this statement to be true. Writer Lauren Tamm suggests repeating this mantra as a reminder that taking care of kids is hard work. No wonder we’re so tired at the end of the day!

12. I am loved. Motherhood can be a thankless job, and little ones aren’t known for their compliments. Parent coach and family therapist Nicole Schwarz reminds moms that even though their kids may not say it, they really do feel that way. You just may need to put words to it.

13. I am what my kiddo needs. At the end of the day, there’s nothing else that’s as true as that statement.

14. It won’t always be like this. The one thing we know for sure is that hardships always pass. From colicky babies to navigating social media with tweens, one day, you’ll find yourself on the other side.

15. I do not need to compare. ” I know my kids the best, and comparisons do not serve me. If I notice myself comparing, I will quickly let it go,” Patel says. And that’s a lead worth following.

—with additional reporting by Leah Singer

You probably never thought you’d come to resent a pruney little appendage, but here we are.

Thumb-sucking may be cute when kids are tiny tots, but it can quickly turn into a habit that’s hard to kick. Which is why the question that’s top of mind for so many parents is: do you have to stop them? And, if the answer is yes, do any of those products that claim to help keep thumbs out of mouths actually work? Here’s what you need to know about the habit that’s so common among littles, including when and how to stop thumb-sucking.

Why do babies suck their thumbs?

When you spent hours staring at your newborn’s perfect little face (or glanced down from whichever Real Housewives season you were bingeing), you may have noticed them making little sucking motions in their sleep. That’s because babies have a natural urge to suck, leading them to put their thumbs or fingers into their mouth—something you might even see during an ultrasound before they’re born.

Around 75% of all little ones in the US will suck their thumb in their first year of life, so if your baby takes a shining to that pudgy little finger you’re certainly not alone. While the urge tends to decrease around the age of 6 months,  many babies will continue to suck their thumbs well into toddlerhood, and sometimes beyond, says Toni-Ann Antoniato, a speech-language pathologist specializing in myofunctional therapy and the CPO of Spot Pal. Typically, they turn to the habit to self-soothe when feeling hungry, tired, bored, or scared.

Extended thumb sucking can be a concern for parents, leaving them wondering about the ideal age for their child to bid farewell to this habit. Although your pediatrician can offer personalized guidance, we’ve got some expert tips if you’re looking to get a sense of how it’s done.

Problems with thumb sucking

It might seem like a fairly harmless habit, but thumb-sucking can actually impact a child’s development in multiple ways.

“Frequent thumb sucking over a longer period of time can affect the way a child’s teeth bite together and the growth of the jaw,” says Dr. Scott W. Cashion, president of the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry. “The upper teeth may tip outward or become crooked and other changes in tooth position or jaw alignment could occur.” The earlier your kid stops their sucking habit, the less chance there is that they’ll have orthodontic problems down the road.

Cashion adds that the sucking reflex is completely normal and many children will stop sucking on thumbs, pacifiers, or other objects on their own between about 2 and 4 years of age.

Thumb sucking can also negatively impact the muscles and structures of the face, which we use for speaking. When they don’t function properly, kids can end up having difficulty producing speech sounds, says Antoniato.

“Thumb and pacifier-sucking habits will generally only become a problem if they go on for a very long period of time,” says Cashion. “Most children stop these habits on their own, but if they are still sucking their thumbs or fingers past the age of three, a mouth appliance may be recommended by your pediatric dentist.”

How to stop thumb sucking

Slowly pare down the habit.

Try limiting the time and location that thumb sucking occurs—for example, only at home or only while a kid is in their bedroom—to help them ease out of the habit, Cashion suggests.

Stay positive.

Cashion says parents should take a positive approach and focus on praising their child when they are not thumb-sucking, advice that Antoniato echoes. “Never do we want to do any type of social embarrassment or negative reinforcement to break the habit,” she says.

“Bandaid” solutions like that foul-tasting polish or wearing a glove on their go-to hand tend to be associated with shame and negativity, but the positive reinforcement of a reward or sticker chart can help some kids feel motivated to suck their thumbs less.

Find an alternative.

How you break their thumb-sucking habit depends on the age of your child, says Antoniato. “If your child is under 1 year of age, yet older than 6 months, try substituting the sucking habit with a healthier alternative, such as an infant oral motor tool or a textured teether,” she says.

“Also continue to stimulate the mouth with proper feeding, which can include introducing a straw cup and open cup and progressing into solid foods, which is typically recommended at 6 months of age.” Once they’ve started solids, foods with different textures are another healthy way for them to explore their oral cavity.

Speak to an expert.

Antoniato recommends an evaluation with a speech-language pathologist trained in myofunctional therapy if your child is continuing to suck their thumb or finger into toddlerhood. This will help figure out if there’s another underlying reason for their prolonged habit, like a tongue or lip tie. They can also determine whether additional referrals are warranted to help you get dedicated support in how to stop your kid’s thumb-sucking.

Consider an appliance

If they’re still leaning into the habit past the age of three, a mouth appliance may be recommended by your pediatric dentist, notes Cashion. “If your child’s dentist identifies the need for an orthodontic appliance or dental appliance, they will talk you through what is involved and how the appliance corrects the issue,” he says.

This can be an appliance that helps kids kick the habit by making it harder to suck comfortably, or, depending on the kid’s age, it may be part of an orthodontic appliance being used to kick the habit while also correcting the movement of teeth that it’s caused, Cashion explains.

Have your dentist explain.

For older children, Cashion adds that their dentist can explain the effects of thumb or finger sucking on teeth to your child in an appropriate manner during regular check-ups. He says that oftentimes this advice, along with support from parents, enables many children to stop thumb-sucking.

When to seek professional help

As far as prolonged thumb sucking goes, Antoniato says there are some signs parents can look out for that can indicate the need for a professional evaluation. They include:

  • sleep issues such as mouth breathing
  • snoring or audible breathing
  • restless sleeping
  • teeth grinding
  • prolonged bed wetting

Antoniato says that oftentimes children will continue to engage in sucking habits when they are presenting with airway restrictions, which also often impacts sleep and causes sleep-disordered breathing.

Another sign parents can look for is if the teeth appear to be misaligned.

“Oftentimes the pressure of the thumb and the sucking against the teeth cause the teeth to move and as a result the upper and lower teeth are not contacting each other correctly,” says Antoniato.

It’s also advised for parents to check how their child looks at rest – are their lips open or closed? Can you see their tongue resting forward, on, or between the teeth? Antoniato notes that at rest, a child should have their lips closed, breathe through the nose, and you should be unable to see their tongue.

“If you notice any changes to your child’s mouth or have general concerns, reach out to your pediatric dentist,” says Cashion. Their dentist will also monitor development during regular cleanings.

Overall, caregivers should remain positive and supportive as they work with their child to help them stop sucking their thumb, and remember that this behavior is normal and most children will eventually break the habit on their own.

Guess what? They can tell when your kid has had too much screen time

From excitement to anxiety to sighs of relief, going back to school this year looks a little different for everyone. But, according to a survey by Learning Resources, more than ever, one of the most important things is active parent involvement. In order to get an idea of what that really means, we talked to school teachers across the country (many of whom are parents themselves) and gathered up their best back-to-school tips for parents to succeed throughout the school year.  

Back-to-School Tips for Parents About Attitude

Almost every teacher we talked to said something along these lines:

“Your children take on your attitudes, BE POSITIVE!” —Michele Jenkins, Fernley Elementary School 1st-grade teacher, Nevada

“School is fun! Remind your kids to be creative and take risks.”—Anonymous 

“It’s okay to cry on that first day, it can be emotional for parents, but try and wait until your kiddo gets to the classroom before you burst into tears.”—Anonymous

Related: 16 Things Parents Don’t Need to Worry About (According to Teachers)

Back-to-School Tips on How to Dress for Success

A boy reaches for his properly labeled water bottle before he goes back to school
Name Bubbles

Consider these ideas when finishing up your back-to-school shopping.

Label everything!”—Anonymous kindergarten teacher

“Dress them for the weather because we're going OUTSIDE!”—Teacher Tom

“Be aware, those cute shoes they get WILL get dirty while doing PE. Don’t tell them they can’t run in shoes you buy them for school use. They will run at school. Don’t punish them for dirty shoes; shoes get dirty when worn properly. Also, close-toed, non-dress shoes (athletic shoes) have the best support, so please make sure they wear a pair any time they have a day that includes recess or PE.” —Anonymous PE teacher

“If they come in tie shoes, they should know how to tie them themselves, or else come in velcro.”—Erin S.

“If you live in a climate with cold winters, get your kids used to taking on and off snow clothes, boots, etc., so they have a routine for doing so before winter and the end of the day. Practice on the weekend as cooler weather arrives and make a game of it by timing each child to see who can get cold-proofed fastest.”—Anonymous

Tips for the Early Morning Routine

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Not surprisingly, a lot of teachers spoke about the importance of eating a healthy breakfast, being on time for school, and getting a decent night’s sleep. Here are a few other helpful tips:

“Don’t delay drop off for little ones. Give a big hug and kiss and get out the door. Lingering only leads to upset kids.”—Early elementary teacher

“For an easier beginning to the year, start routines like going to bed and waking up on time before school starts again, not the day of.”—Jared H.

And Brad B agrees: “Get their bedtime routine back in order before school starts. Lack of sleep affects so many things beyond drowsiness or lack of attention. I personally think it undermines our confidence."

“Go to the bathroom at home before school!”—Anonymous

“Routine in the morning is important to start the day positively. Pick out clothes the night before (or even the whole week before and put in boxes for each day if you have a diva girl like mine!).”—Anonymous

Teacher Tips for School Supplies

a mom buying school supplies after getting back to school tips from a teacher
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School supplies don’t just mean what you need for your own child. Consider what a classroom needs and grab an extra item or two when you can afford it. Don’t forget tissue during the winter cold and flu season!

Small tokens of appreciation throughout the year are a real pick-me-up! A pad of post-it notes, sharpies….teachers are easy to please, and it’s nice to let them know you notice their hard work. Also, read the weekly newsletter...please!” —Early elementary teacher, TX

“If there are specific things on the supply list (like particular brands), I promise the teacher isn’t trying to be difficult. They’ve probably learned from experience that that particular type works the best or lasts the longest.” —Nicole D., middle school math

“As teachers, we spend a great deal of our own money on supplies to make our classrooms a more creative learning environment for your child. So please, believe me when I say that every little bit helps our classroom; an extra ream of paper, a container of disinfecting wipes, paper towels, etc. It means so much, and I promise they will be put to good use.”—Holly R., autism teacher

“Make it a habit of asking a teacher if they need anything for the classroom or upcoming projects or holidays. Most teachers will be happy to give you a few inexpensive items they need that you could pick up at the grocery store.”—Anonymous

 

Related: 15 Cool Backpacks for Kids to Help Organize Their School Gear

Back-to-School Tips About Communication

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When it comes to communicating with your teacher, whether it’s messaging during the day or at parent-teacher conferences, or even a requested meeting, consider these factors from a teacher’s point of view. One overarching theme? Teachers know and love your children, too!

“Parents, teacher, and students are all on the same team–parents need to be open to communication and should be open with teachers about student needs.”—Tori R., teacher

“Remember that teachers see your children in a totally different environment with a totally different set of kids at a totally different time than you do on a normal basis. It should be expected that we see behaviors, attitudes, and reactions that are different than what we have come to know. Be open to learning about your child in a unique setting to understand them better.”—Anonymous

“Please be on time for meetings. Our time is very limited.” —Janel M., middle school teacher

“Please don’t expect an email response within the hour. We are teaching 90 percent of the day and often have meetings to attend during our conference period and/or after school.” —Kristi W., elementary teacher

“If there is a conflict at school, notify the teacher. Listen to what your child has to say and encourage him/her to tell an adult at school. Do not bash the other student in front of your child. So many times, this is just a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion. Little ones learn how to problem solve with their peers and hearing their parents becoming angry and calling names shows them that that is the right way, which we know it is not. Listen to the details and then call the teacher!” —Anonymous

“Meet the Teacher night (before school starts) is NOT the appropriate time to verbally tell the teacher your child’s specific needs. ... put it in writing (an email is great). So much is going on that the teacher may not remember what you told her or even who your child is yet. You might introduce yourself and let them know to look for an email from you.” —Kristi W., elementary teacher

“Teachers spend a LOT of time on communication mediums and may only have 30 minutes of prep time during the day…so read/reread ALL the emails, updates and directions before you email/call the teacher (resourcefulness and responsibility — this is what we’re trying to teach your kids, too.).” —Katie, teacher and mom

“We are here to help your child. We want the best for them just as you do. Please give us the benefit of the doubt and the respect we deserve. We are not out to get your child. We aren’t telling you things because we are mean. We are telling you the truth about your child in the classroom. And no, they may not act like that at home, but they may act differently in a classroom setting. Believe us. Help us.” —Anonymous PreK teacher

“Be sure to check in on your child’s well-being socially, emotionally, and academically and ask for help if needed!” —Tiffiny Peterson, American Heritage Charter School 2nd-grade teacher, Idaho

Related: 25 Easy First-Day-of-School Picture Ideas

Tips for Parents About Homework

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Every parent wants their kids to do well in school, and pretty much every child will groan about homework at some point. Here are some ideas for helping kids stay on track and keep up the good work.

Set aside time daily during the first month of school to help your child unpack/pack their backpack, go over assignments, organize supplies and binders, and chat about school. This helps you both ease in and allows your student to share concerns with you organically and as they arise.” —Anonymous 7th & 8th-grade teacher

“Sleep. They are better students with a solid night of sleep as opposed to those who stayed up all night studying.” —Kathleen, teacher

“The grade is never as important as the effort behind it.”—Katy D., teacher, and mom

“Teach your students to advocate for themselves... to ask for help and to pursue it until they receive it and understand the concept with which they are struggling. A helicopter parent can never be as effective as a student who is determined to learn and knows how to make it happen, regardless of their level of intelligence.” —Jeremy H., veteran elementary and middle school teacher

“Read, read, read to your child! Be sure to talk about the book. Ask questions about the characters and the problems they face, your child’s favorite part, etc. If your child is bilingual or learning English, reading to your child in your native language will not interfere with learning English in school, but will actually help develop their background knowledge and vocabulary acquisition in both languages!” —Anonymous

“Please limit screen time and take your kids either outside to play or engage with them in a board game, puzzle, helping with homework, having them help with dinner/dishes/ANYTHING! So many young kids I teach are turning into little zombies because they come home from school and just sit in front of video games. And remember, your child is NEVER too old to be read aloud to.” —Anonymous

“Even if you don’t agree with the common core or the amount of homework, you want your child to respect his/her teachers and the expectations.” —Anonymous

Advice About Volunteering

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You might not be able to make every function or volunteer a ton of classroom hours, but just being there for your kids makes a big difference. 

“For many working parents, daytime events at the school or volunteering isn’t always an option, we get that, but even just one event per school year makes a lasting memory and positive reinforcement for your child. We provide a calendar at the beginning of each school year so parents can plan ahead.” —Anonymous

“Read and play games with your kiddos! There is nothing a teacher can do that takes the place of family time!” —Tess Brist, Marion School 3rd-grade teacher, Montana

"You don’t have to be perfect. Just show up."—Anonymous

Gentle Reminders: Teachers Are Humans, Too

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Don’t forget that teachers, while they are modern-day superheroes in many ways, are also human with families of their own!

“I spend seven hours teaching 125 students each day for 9 months, each year. Please don’t judge me if we meet at the grocery store and I totally space on your and your child’s names.”—Betty R., 7th-grade science teacher

“Remember that the teacher can have 30 other children—be patient and start a positive relationship from the start.”—Tori R.

“Many teachers are parents as well. Please don’t think I am ignoring your 6 p.m. email because I don’t respond within an hour. I am spending time with my own child.” —Anonymous

Related: 4 Things Teachers Don’t Want to Hear About Your Kid (& 3 They Do)

This family’s sweet dog is going viral on TikTok for lending her paws to help take care of newborn twins

Most parents probably wish they had an extra pair of hands to help out when taking care of a newborn—let alone newborn twins!—but this lucky family ended up with an extra set of paws. A new dad is going viral on TikTok for documenting how his dog, Lucy, has become a “guardian angel” helping take care of his newborn twin daughters.

In one video, Josh Rheaume, who goes by @uhohtwins on TikTok, can be seen changing one of the twins and getting her dressed—while Lucy stands by and waits for her chance to help. It comes when Rheaume needs items that are out of reach. Every time he needs something—a diaper, a pair of socks—he asks Lucy to get it for him, and she does.

@uhohtwins

Lucy is a true angel… a real big sister #fyp #fypシ #foryou #foryoupage #love #trending #viral #beautiful #dog #animals #cute #family #baby @carters @ellendegeneres @todayshow

♬ Always Remember Us This Way – Instrumental – Piano Dreamers

Another video shows Rheaume and Lucy taking advantage of some sweet, sweet time when the twins are napping—and finally getting some chores done. Lucy moves around the house to pick up laundry and place it in a basket, then helps load it into the washer and dryer.

@uhohtwins

Got time to fight grime? 😂 an evening of laundry with my girl, Lucy! ❤️ #fyp #fypシ #foryou #foryoupage #foryourpage #love #dog #beautiful #funny #animals #lucygoosethedog #uhohtwins @attitude_living @carters #viral

♬ Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

“We learned pretty quickly that what we had to do was include her in as much as we could,” Rheaume told Today.com about helping Lucy adjust to her new life as a big sister. “With all the tricks that I had trained Lucy over the years, we figured that we could put them into action.”

Teaching Lucy to fetch items started out as a party trick, when Rheaume would have his four-legged companion grab beers for himself and his friends.

He added, “The thing about Lucy (is) she has very good item recognition and word association. (It’s) something that’s kind of imprinted in her brain.”

Now that Lucy is one of the most famous dogs on the internet, Rheaume said that anyone who wants to train their dog like Lucy should use “patience and positive reinforcement.”

“A bond is really important, being close to your dog first and foremost. They want to do well for us,” he said. “Give them the patience they need and, you know, reinforcing that positivity once they’re able to achieve what you want them to achieve.”