Christmas decorating spikes dopamine, which makes you feel good

The tree. The tinsel. The teeny tiny blinking lights that adorn your windows. Christmas decor is an annual reminder of the joy and excitement that jolly ol’ St. Nick brings.

Even though Halloween is still more than one month away, you’ve already got Christmas on the brain. If you find yourself sketching a green and red lighting design or dragging the plastic Santa’s out of storage, don’t worry—some experts say early decorating can actually make you happier.

“It does create that neurological shift that can produce happiness,” Psychologist Deborah Serani tells TODAY. “I think anything that takes us out of our normal habituation, the normal day in, day out … signals our senses, and then our senses measure if it’s pleasing or not.”

Paige Cody/Unsplash

Thank you, dopamine, a feel-good hormone that’s increased as you hang the colorful lights and sip hot cocoa. But it’s not just the sights and sounds, it’s the good memories that bring an extra level of happiness.

“Decorations are simply an anchor or pathway to those old childhood magical emotions of excitement,” Psychoanalyst Steve McKeown told British website Unilad. “So putting up those Christmas decorations early extend the excitement!”

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author, echoed this sentiment to Unilad. “The holiday season stirs up a sense of nostalgia. Nostalgia helps link people to their personal past and it helps people understand their identity. For many putting up Christmas decorations early is a way for them to reconnect with their childhoods.”

Matthew Henry/Burst

But do we decorate for more than just our own internal motivations? Or perhaps do we slap up the Santas and reindeer to get approval from others?

The Journal of Environmental Psychology looked into how people “may use holiday decorations on their home’s exterior to communicate friendliness and cohesiveness with neighbors.” Participants in a study responded to photos of decorated versus non-decorated homes and whether or not they had the appearance of a home with friendly residents.

Overall, researchers reported that respondents ranked decorated homes as having inhabitants that are more sociable and cohesive with the community, while homes without decor were thought of as nonsociable.

Regardless of your motivations, its definitely a fact that decorating puts you in a happy mood. So why not drag out that fake Christmas tree for a few extra months of joy?

It’s every family’s worst nightmare but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a solution. For kids who have been bullied—or kids who are the aggressor—reading books that address the topic can be an effective teaching tool for learning to stand up for what is right and fostering compassion. From picture books for your little guys to books just for us parents, read on for 9 books we think every parent should own.

Picture Books

My Friend Maggie

Best Books about Bullying
Penguin/Random House

Two friends—Paula and Maggie—have been besties forever, until one day the mean girl Veronica starts criticizing Maggie. That’s when Paula starts to notice that Maggie is big and clumsy. And instead of sticking up for Maggie, Paula starts to play with Veronica instead. Lucky for Paula, Maggie stays true when Veronica goes sour on Paula, too. This is a sweet and beautifully illustrated story by Hannah E. Harrison, about friendship and changes and growing up—just a little bit.

Ages: 4-8

Buy it now, $14

Leave Me Alone

Best Books about Bullying
Barron's

The subtitle tells it all: A Tale of What Happens When You Stand Up to a Bully. The little boy in this story is sad because every day he must face a bully. This little boy also has friends including a frog, a cat, a rabbit and even a cow, and they want to help. But every day the little boy tells them, “There’s nothing you can do for me.” It turns out he’s wrong because the next time the boy encounters the bully, all of his friends join in and shout, “Leave him alone!” Author Kes Cray uses rhyme to tell this important story in a relatable way. Lee Widlish’s illustrations will help your kiddos really understand the lesson of the story, how to face a bully and how to help friends who are bullied.

Ages: 4-7

Buy it now, $9

 

Batty Betty

Best Books about Bullying
Amazon

Feeling “different” can be scary but what if we could teach kids that differences are their strengths and not weaknesses? Batty Betty author Kathryn Hast aims to do just that. When Abel, the tuba, discovers that Eve, the sad banana,  and Betty, a giant, are being bullied by Beavers, he sets out to defeat them. But it turns out, it’s not about winning, but about being okay with who you are. Illustrated by L.M. Phang.

Ages: 0-12

Buy it now, $18

Stop Picking On Me

Best Books about Bullying
Barron's

Written by Pat Thomas, an experienced psychotherapist and counselor, this is a straightforward book aimed at helping addressing bullying and feelings because “bullies only pick on people they know they can hurt.” This book includes a list of parental tips to help kids talk about their feelings and how to address the fears and concerns bullying can bring up, as well as ways to resolve it. Illustrated by Lesley Harker (This book is part of a series of books aimed at addressing common childhood fears and concerns. 

Ages: 5-6

Buy it now, $8 

 

The Infamous Ratsos

Best Books about Bullying
Amazon

A 2017 Theodor Seuss Geisel Honor Book, author Kara LaReau introduced readers last year to the Ratsos. Louie and Ralphie’s dad, Big Lou, teaches them there are two types of people: tough or soft. And his boys are tough, of course. But the Ratso brothers, even when they try to be tough, end up doing good deeds and kind acts instead. Find out how their dad deals with it. Illustrated by Matt Myer.

Ages: 5-8

Buy it now, $15 

Felix Stands Tall

best books about bullying
Candlewick Press

This story, part of Rosemary Well’s vast collection of children’s books, features Felix, a sweet-natured guinea pig who is best friends with Fiona, an extroverted gal who convinces Felix to sing and dance with their in the Guinea Pig Jubilee talent show. When someone starts to taunt Felix for dancing, he wants to curl up in a ball. But, with help from his friend Fiona, he finds the secret to standing up for himself.

Ages: 5-8

Buy it now, $6 

For Middle Grade

Ugly

best books about bullying
Penguin/Random House

This middle-grade memoir about overcoming bullying and thriving with disabilities shows us all that “ugly” is not always a bad thing. No one knows better than the book’s author, Robert Hoge, who was born with a tumor the size of a tennis ball in the middle of his face and short, twisted legs. Surgeons removed his tumor and made him a nose from one of his toes. He was called all kinds of names and dealt with bullying most of his life. Read his remarkable story together with your kids: it will change you life, too!

Ages: 8-12

Buy it now, $8

For Parents

Bullying No More: Understanding and Preventing Bullying

best books about bullying
Barron's

Dr. Kimberly L. Mason offers parents a whole arsenal of tips for how to handle this huge issue, including how to recognize signs of bullying, the different types of bullying, the three main roles kids play in bullying (the bully, the bullied, the bystander), myths and facts about bullying, and intervention and prevention strategies. She also will help you figure out your own parenting style and kid’s response style, to help find the most effective solution for you.

Buy it now, $8 

 

Bullying Solutions: Learn to Overcome from Real Case Studies

best books about bullying
Barron's

Co-authored by Dr. Michael Carpenter and Robin D'Antona, Ed. D., this book compiles 40 real-life examples of various types of bullying and how each one was confronted. It’s real life, so that means not all the outcomes were great, but it helps us as parents understand how our actions and those of other parents, school administrators, children and others involved, can affect change. You’ll get an overview of bullying, including definitions, aggressors and targets, a “toolbox” of facts and myths, and effective tips for intervention.

Buy it now, $6 

—Amber Guetebier

RELATED STORIES:

10 Expert-Approved Ways Your Teen Can Handle Online Bullying

5 Strategies to Help You Rise above Bullying

 

If the COVID-19 pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that we all cope with uncertainty in different ways. For cousins Sabrina Haechler & Jessica Bukowski, quarantine led them to channel their energy into helping others. Their new project called resilienSEED features handmade bracelets with words spelled out in Morse Code using seed beads. Profits from all the bracelets are donated to causes that align with Sabrina and Jessica’s values. Read on to find out more about resilienSEED and these charming bracelets that are handmade with love.

What are resilienSEED bracelets and who makes them?
Handbeaded in Mill Valley, California, resilienSEED bracelets are simple, stylish and functional. They’re made out of waxed polyester, which makes them totally waterproof. You can adjust them to fit all wrist sizes and they can also slip easily on and off.

The cousins tell us, “We’re super fortunate to have a lot of help from our relatives, many of whom live nearby. On any given day, there’s a good chance that you’ll find our parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins helping us out with beading. So many great things have come from resilienSEED, including the bonding of our family during the pandemic.”

Where do the profits go?
To date, resilienSEED has raised around $1,500. Sabrina and Jessica explain that, “originally, we were focused on raising money for COVID-19 relief. We chose to donate to the Child Mind Institute’s COVID-19 response after Emma Davidson, a family member and Psychotherapist, spoke to us about the importance of mental health, especially during these uncertain times. After a month of launching resilienSEED, we realized that we could have a greater impact in our community. Now, we stay up-to-date on current events, and we’ve expanded to raising money and awareness for social justice (Campaign Zero), LBGTQ+ suicide prevention (The Trevor Project), and tuition for children affected by cancer (The Forever 49 Foundation).”

Designs and custom orders
Choose from 10 different designs with empowering words like “Strength”, “Love”, “Unite” and “Justice” spelled out in Morse Code.

The dynamic duo reveal, “We knew that we wanted each type of bracelet to represent something different, which is why we use seed beads. Each bracelet is beaded with two different colors of seed beads, which collectively spell out a word in Morse Code.”

resilienSEED also accepts custom orders for $10. We ordered a bracelet with our kids’ names spelled out in Morse Code.

Order yours at resilienseedbracelets.weebly.com/. Prices start at $6, inclusive of shipping.

—Erin Lem

Photos: resilienSEED

 

RELATED STORIES:

13 Startups That Are Making Parents Lives Easier

How to Help Your Kid Start Her Own Business

300+ Black-Owned Businesses We Love

Inspiring Moms Who Started Their Business After 40

 

Photo: Maureen McGinnis

With Thanksgiving around the corner, it seems like the perfect time to reflect on how to raise grateful children. Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of articles like “10 Ways to Raise a Child with Gratitude” and “5 Strategies for Instilling Kindness.” As I reflect on how I can intentionally parent my children so as to cultivate these virtues, I am faced with an inescapable truth. No strategy, no number of techniques will have much effect if I do not live out those virtues myself. I find this particularly challenging when it comes to gratitude. I try to be grateful. I say “please” and “thank you.” As part of our bedtime routine, we each list one thing from the day for which we’re grateful. I regularly volunteer and try to do for others both inside and outside of my social circle. Despite all that, if I’m being honest, most of my waking hours are filled with feelings of expectation, more than appreciation.

I recently listened to a podcast where psychotherapist, Esther Perel, described this feeling of expectation as a happiness mandate. She argues that for most of human history, suffering was omnipresent. Most people looked forward to happiness in some afterlife, but they did not expect it here on Earth. In contrast, those of us in developed countries today, have grown accustomed to comfort. We not only hope for happiness but demand it. If we’re hot, we turn on the A/C. If we need clean clothes, we put them in a machine and in an hour, we’ve got them. Personally, I don’t know anyone who feels gratitude when they change the thermostat setting or are folding laundry. We are privileged and with that comes entitlement. We feel entitled to happiness. And this entitlement creates a happiness paradox. We’ve become so focused on being happy that we’re constantly searching for what will make us even happier and, therefore, we are frequently unhappy.

I know I am guilty of this incessant and oftentimes subconscious compulsion to find the best, the thing that will make me happiest. It impacts everything from the ridiculous amount of stress I feel planning dinners and making grocery lists to big, existential questions like, “what am I doing with my life?”

Another case in point: I wake up and walk into the kitchen to find my husband feeding our son. I immediately find myself upset at the mess in the kitchen and that my son isn’t eating the right thing. Instead of being happy when my husband does something helpful, I am frustrated that it wasn’t done when or how I wanted. Now, I am not saying all household/child-rearing duties are my responsibility and that I should be overjoyed when my husband lifts a finger. What I am saying is that I think both of us would be happier if we focused more on appreciating each other’s efforts as opposed to looking for ways in which our partner could be better. In the breakfast example, my reaction certainly didn’t make me feel happy. Conversely, I started my day in a bad mood and felt guilty for how I treated my husband when he was trying to do something nice for me.

The truth is, I chastise my child for being upset when he doesn’t get what he wants and yet I model that same behavior countless times every day. I don’t think these feelings make me a terrible person. I think they’re natural. Gratitude, on the other hand, is intentional. It takes practice and focus. It takes a shift in perspective. I’m never going to cease having expectations; nor should I. However, I can be more mindful of when and why I’m feeling frustrated. I can take a step back and ask, “What’s more upsetting, the situation in and of itself or the fact that it fell short of my expectations?” And, I can try to use those moments as opportunities to look at the situation from a different perspective — through a lens of gratitude.

While I don’t see myself ever enjoying folding mountains of laundry, I do think it’s possible to recognize how fortunate I am that my family has so many clothes and a machine that does the hard work for us. This holiday season, I want to challenge myself to see opportunities for gratitude when I am feeling stressed or frustrated. I want to stop looking for what will make me happier and start seeing all the sources of happiness already present in my life. Because if I truly want my children to live lives of gratitude, it has to start in a home that is full of it.

 

This post originally appeared on Huff Post.

In my former life, I spent my days teaching history to emotionally-charged teenagers. Now, I spend my days teaching kindness, hygiene, and ABCs to emotionally-charged toddlers. I love to be outdoors and I cannot wait to get back to traveling once I wrap my head around flying with kids/their gear.

Cramming all that must-have gear into suitcases and spending 12 hours trapped in a tin can with antsy kids doesn’t exactly sound like a day in paradise. But research shows you should buck up, as those family vacations could be giving your kids the gift of a lifetime. Read on to find out how going on vacation can affect your child’s health and happiness.

According to research conducted by the Family Holiday Association, nearly half of those surveyed said their happiest memory was on vacation with family. A quarter of respondents also said that they rely on those happy memories as a boost when times are tough.

Vacations can also play a part in brain development, explains child psychotherapist and Director of Education and Training at the Center For Child Mental Health, Margot Sunderland. Spending time playing on the beach isn’t just for fun in the sun, it’s also for “attachment play” which is important to bonding.

Spending time connecting not only raises self-esteem says Sunderland, it also advances development in two brain systems known as Play and Seeking. These systems are exercised whenever you spend time playing or exploring with your child. Family vacations activate these systems, triggering well-being neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, which reduce stress and create a feeling of happiness. They can also cause brain growth and maturity in the frontal lobe, which controls things like social intelligence and goal-directed behavior.

No matter how much of a hassle it seems to travel with kids, these amazing benefits and the lifelong memories far outweigh any downsides.

RELATED STORIES

11 Reasons Travel Can Change Your Kids’ Life 

A Perfect Weekend in Denver: 15 Things You Have to Do 

12 Secrets of Six Flags (& Why You Should Go)

International Towns You Don’t Need a Passport For 

In the era of #MeToo, many parents have been contemplating how to address a culture that teaches young boys should suppress their feelings. One new toy is hoping to make a change—Wonder Crew dolls help nurture empathy in kids and boys in particular.

Mom and psychotherapist Laurel Wider was inspired to create the Wonder Crew dolls when she was told by her son’s preschool teacher that, “Boys aren’t supposed to cry.” Much like the steady stream of new STEM toys that are meant to encourage girls to change their perspective on career paths, Wider is hoping that her dolls will change the way boys approach their feelings.

“I heard so many stories about boys literally stealing their sisters’ dolls, or playing with dolls in private — there was definitely some shame around it,” Wider told The New York Times. “I wanted to find a way to bridge that gap.” Anyone that peruses the doll aisle in a toy store can quickly understand what Wider means. Almost everything is draped in pink and it’s nearly impossible to find a male baby doll. Wider designed the dolls with boys in mind, although they are meant to be played with by all kids, regardless of gender.

The dolls, which Wider describes as part action figure, part stuffed animal, can be dressed in a variety of different outfits and accessories for play including firefighters, construction workers, astronauts, rock stars and superheroes.

Wider says boys don’t necessarily need to be taught how to be empathetic and nurturing, but rather they need to be shown that its okay for them to embrace those aspects of themselves. “Give them the green light,” she said. “Make it super clear that, yes, this is for you.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Photos: Amazon

RELATED STORIES:

When Kids Have Fewer Toys They’re More Creative, New Research Finds

Kids Brains Are Hardwired for Recess, New Study Finds

Working Moms Are More Likely to Have More Successful Daughters, Study Finds