ML Interest Tag: realize

What I Didn’t Understand About Being a Working Mom Before I Was One

By Dana Nichols

Once upon a time, I was one of the youngest employees at any given place I worked. A sweet little baby ready to change the world! Ugh, my goodness, someone go back and talk some sense into her. But I digress…

My point is, I’ve worked with a lot of mamas throughout the years. My career in nonprofit management means that I’ve worked with a lot of women because the nonprofit deck is stacked to be mostly female. And while it goes without saying these working mamas were absolute badasses, there was a lot I didn’t realize until I became a working mom myself.

I saw working moms come in flustered at 8 a.m. and didn’t realize the battles they’d already fought that day to get kids fed, dressed, and off to school on time.

I watched working moms hang up silly artwork their kids made without realizing that a little human at home had said, “I made this for your office mama,” and that it was actually the most beautiful piece of art they’d ever seen.

I watched working moms go to meetings that could’ve been handled in an email, work through projects that coworkers were taking way too long on, and read through intolerable memos with the grace and patience of a queen. They knew something I didn’t: Nothing that happens at the office is anywhere near as important as what happens in their life at home.

I watched working moms count down until 5 p.m. and race out the door like their pants were on fire. I had no idea they were just getting started on the second part of their day. No idea that they were analyzing if they were going to make it to daycare or aftercare on time before late pickup fees started. I didn’t realize they’d get in traffic and start calculating how long until they got there, how many minutes until they got home to make dinner, do homework, do the bath, and bedtime. I didn’t realize that drive might be the only alone time they’d have for the day and they’d have to be actively shutting off from work mode and into mommy mode.

I didn’t know that she’d feel guilty for wanting to have a career, for not caring about her career anymore, or for being fine where she was because a promotion could tip her rocking boat right over.

I watched working moms smile at me when I was impossibly rude and couldn’t bother to remember their kids’ names even though we worked together for years. I politely smiled at her cute little stories but didn’t realize how full her heart was from those special moments.

I didn’t realize that for working moms a ‘perk’ was getting to go to the bathroom alone with the door closed.

I watched working moms call (and later email and text) to say their kid was sick and they’d be out. And could I cover this? Or could someone call to reschedule that? I had no idea the guilt she’d wrestled with, how exhausted she was from being up all night, and sometimes how relieved she was to just be home for a day. Even if it meant cleaning up puke.

I invited working moms to parties my friends and I were hosting that started insanely late at night. I laughed along when they said they couldn’t come and told them they’d be missing out.  I had no idea they weren’t.

I didn’t realize that a call from the school could send her into a panic and that most of those calls actually start with someone saying, ‘Your child is okay but…’ and then go on to explain any number of incidents that occurred she’ll have to deal with later.

I didn’t know that some days, work was a break from a hard night at home. And some days, work took her away from the best night at home.

I didn’t know that she had no idea how great she was doing. That most days she rocked work and went home and rocked motherhood. And that she wouldn’t ever think that. And she’d spend the night wondering how she could do better the next day.

This post originally appeared on Momlando.

Dana Nichols is a mama in Orlando where's she's raising Violet & Simon with her husband Reid. They are always on the hunt for the best donut and are obsessed with painting murals on the walls outside their house. Dana runs Momlando which aims to inspire and unite moms in Central Florida.

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6 Ways to Practice Self-Love Daily

By Jen Kathrina-Anne

Showing yourself some self-love can go a long way in strengthening your mental and emotional health and peace of mind. Here are six ways to practice self-love daily:

1. Realize That Self-Care Is Not Selfish
Say it with me: self-care is not selfish. It is you taking care of your basic needs and rights as a human being. It is about doing the little things that bring you joy and promote peace within you. None of us can pour from an empty cup.

2. Forgive Yourself for past Mistakes
Sometimes we carry the weight of our past decisions and actions into our present. While thinking about the past is important to give us clarity and perspective, it’s important not to beat ourselves up. Today is always a chance to do better and to learn from mistakes, not to dwell in regret. Be kind to yourself.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Any Emotion 
Every day we will feel many different emotions. It’s ok to not feel ok, as they say. Allow your negative emotions to pass over and through you without guilt and the need to be “happy” all the time. Realize that feeling any and all of your emotions is a normal part of being human.

4. Limit News & Social Media
While it’s certainly important to know what’s happening in the world, there is such a thing as too much information. We are inundated daily by news reports and everyone else’s opinion about all of it. Try to limit your intake to a reasonable amount per day and maybe even consider taking one day per week to detox completely from media.

5. Declutter Your Space 
Sometimes we let clutter take over without even realizing it. Many times physical clutter can represent mental clutter. When we take the time to declutter our space, it contributes to mental decluttering and a more relaxed atmosphere.

6. Get Out in Nature
Humans are not meant to be cooped up all day. Do yourself a favor and get outside for fresh air even if it means just standing on your front porch. Fresh air, sunshine, and greenery go a long way in perking up your mood!

 

 

This post originally appeared on The Haute Mommy Handbook.

Jen Kathrina-Anne is a blogger, freelance writer, and graphic designer. When she’s not writing or designing, she enjoys spending time outdoors in the California Bay Area where she resides with her husband and two fearless daughters. Find her at www.hautemommyhandbook.com.

 

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The One Thing We Miss When We Applaud Our Kid’s Success

By Devin Tomiak

You’re beaming. Your daughter crushed it at her gymnastics meet. Or maybe your son aced that U.S. states quiz. Our instinct as parents is to shower our children with praise in their moments of success. We want to boost them up because, geez, there’s plenty that can bring them down in the day. And we want them to feel pride in their hard work. We want them to continue working hard. Plus, your child deserves to be celebrated.

But do they… completely?

We Americans value independence. We glorify the individual who shapes his or her own identity and destiny through choice, ability, and effort.

Yet, I don’t know any kid who hasn’t benefitted from the support (both emotional and financial) of you, their parent. Teachers and coaches deserve Empire-State-building-sized trophies this year, as far as I’m concerned. And there are countless others who propel our children to their fullest potential. How about the pediatrician who ingrained in your son the importance of a healthy diet so he had the mental clarity to remember where exactly Missouri is? Or your daughter’s friend who helped her perfect that backbend? Or perhaps even Mary Lou Retton, who inspired her?

This is not to say that your kid doesn’t deserve props. We, as parents, should be our kids’ loudest and most obnoxious fans. Our children need that in our hyper-competitive, goal-driven society.

But there’s another angle from which we can frame success that isn’t centered on your child’s magnificence.

That angle? Gratitude.

Being grateful is realizing that the goodness in your life has come to you, not only because you earned it, but because of other people.

Study after study over the past decade shows that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed.

Not only that, but when we acknowledge that success always comes on the shoulders of others, we don’t diminish our child’s worth. Rather we foster a sense of connection in our child. Since other people and things contribute to our good fortune, reminding your child who helped them achieve their win will connect them to others, nature and even something larger than themselves.

Why is this connection important? 

A sense of connectedness is the number one resilience-building factor for youth. According to the American Psychological Association, “Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family.”

This means we should try and use every opportunity we have to promote connectedness. Our society tells us it’s all about you, the individual. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. But that’s not the reality of life. So much of our good fortune comes to us, not because we deserve it, but because of forces outside ourselves.

So let’s appreciate that—let’s be grateful—and teach our kids to as well.

It’s okay to say “Your teacher worked so hard to teach you the states, and you worked so hard to memorize them!” Or “You put so much effort into prepping for your gymnastics meet! Your little brother got schlepped to a gazillion practices for you!”

Tell your child how awesome they are after they crush it. And then ask them who helped them get there, or encourage them to think about the circumstances that allowed them to succeed. You’ll double the win.

RELATED:
How to Teach Children Gratitude
Finding Gratitude Isn’t Easy
18 Tips for Raising Grateful Kids

This post originally appeared on The Biggies Conversation Cards Blog.
Feature Image: Lisa Wall via Unsplash

After losing a brother to suicide, Devin Tomiak was driven to understand youth resiliency. Her personal mission to strengthen her relationship with her children, develop their emotional intelligence, and improve the communication skills of her whole family led her to create The Biggies Conversation Cards for elementary-aged kids.

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365 Days With You: My 1st Year of Motherhood

By Erin Lem

Photo: Erin Lem

When my son was born I was constantly told to enjoy this phase, it all passes so fast. I would smile and nod, but really wanted to ask: do you even remember what having an infant is like? Time—especially the hours between 3-5 a.m. when it was just him and I nestled on the couch—felt like molasses. I was nursing around the clock and running on the adrenaline of new motherhood.

 

Those early days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months. And, somehow we’re at a year. After 12 months of long days, even longer nights and plenty of laughter and tears from both of us, I am starting to grasp what those women were trying to tell me.

 

So to preserve all the glory, sentiment and nuances of one year, here is exactly how I felt at 365 days of motherhood.

 

One year is:

 

…encouraging their risk-taking while keeping them safe (um, please do not try to climb over the back of the couch!)

 

…leading by example. Broccoli is delicious!

 

…obsessing over sleep and nap schedule (guilty as charged).

 

…still a little in awe when he says, mom. Wait, that’s me!

 

…feeling a bit relieved when they’re off to daycare, but then feeling guilty about your feeling of relief.

 

…accepting that this mom guilt thing is real.

 

…so many firsts every.single.day.

 

…wondering what sort of mother you will become, and what “st‌yle” of parenting will work best for your kid.

 

…excitement about parenting and making decisions with your partner because it’s so awesome to do new things together.

 

…staying up past their bedtime mindlessly scrolling on my phone because finally…alone time!

 

…reading all day, every day, usually the same books again and again and again.

 

….hiding their favorite book for an hour because you just can’t deal with reading Dear Zoo one more time.

 

…sleep regressions because teething, sickness, travel, (fill in your own blank).

 

…middle of the night snuggles—sometimes for longer than you know you should—because you know they won’t want to cuddle you forever.

 

…summoning every ounce of patience stored inside you.

 

…accepting that whatever good or challenging thing is currently happening that it’s just a phase.

 

…gawking at acne-covered teenagers at the grocery store because you know they’ll be that age someday, and it’s totally bizarre to imagine.

 

…getting sentimental every month when you pack away clothes they outgrew.

 

…actually realizing you have a sentimental side.

 

…accepting the ridiculous amount of stuff you’ve accumulated.

 

…the thrill of watching them learn something new.

 

…scrolling through old photos from just a few months ago when it’s 11 p.m. and you should be in bed sleeping.

 

…narrating everything in sight because your pediatrician said this is the year of cognitive and emotional development. And, you are still green enough to listen to everything your pediatrician—and google—says.

 

…front-pack carrier snuggles.

 

…wondering if those under eye bags will ever go away.

 

…embracing the annoying singing toys because it brings them so much joy.

 

…the deep belly laugh only an unabashed baby can have.

 

…buying new, cute clothes even though you know they’ll wear them for (maybe) two months.

 

…giving them new foods and watching half of it end up on the floor…or with the dog.

 

…being excited about their future.

 

…saying yes to things even though you know it’s going to be hard with a squirmy kid.

 

…rare nights out without them where you love your freedom (Wine! Conversation! A real sit down meal!) but still obsessively check the nest cam.

 

…resisting screen time but then relenting when you need them to sit still for 5 minutes.

 

…realizing they got their dance moves from you. Sorry, kid.

 

…picking your battles.

 

…a year’s worth of sleep deprivation and wondering at 4 a.m. if you could—or even should—ever do this again.

 

…trying to remember all the mundane daily stuff because one day it won’t seem so mundane.

 

Erin is the Head of Editorial at Red Tricycle and Tinybeans. She's an expert in digital content strategy, specializing in local, lifest‌yle and family-friendly content. She lives in the Bay Area with her two kids, husband and fur baby.

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The Unexpected Gift We Received This Year

By Elizabeth North

Photo: Miranda Smith

It’s nearly the new year. As the house sleeps quietly, I have taken time to sit and reflect. This year has been a lot. I won’t lie, we have had more than our fair share—as everyone else has, but there has been beauty. Sometimes, when barely treading water or praying to be able to come up for air, we forget. We forget there is beauty.

When the pandemic began and we had our “two week break” from school, I was up for anything but after a broken collar bone, numerous tries to climb out a window and a child shaving her head, I realized I needed help. More help.

Our daughter has been diagnosed with autism since she was just two years old. It’s been a journey. From not having an insurance plan that covered therapy to a fight to obtain it, and then realizing the insurance I had didn’t mean we would have the therapy right for us.

For years, since we had the therapies covered, we have tried to find a company that would work, for our daughter most importantly and for our family. We had found great therapists but for one reason or another, they never worked out.

Enter COVID.

Enter my need for help.

Enter Miranda.

Yes, Applied Behavior Analysis Therapy is controversial but for us, its right and the greatest gift we have been given this year is this young woman, trained in social work, who is with us, daily.

In July when we first onboarded with the company, I was concerned. The first therapist left without returning—if she could have run while screaming she would have. We know, our daughter is a lot. She’s not anything like any BCBA or ABA Therapist has ever seen but she’s ours and she’s incredible.

Finally, the company found what they felt was a perfect fit. Enter, Miranda. They were right. She is perfect. Since July, almost every day, Miranda makes the hour-long commute to love our daughter.

Yes, there is work. Yes, there are challenges. Yes, she pushes her but in four short months, we have seen so much growth. We have not all fallen for Miranda but we have seen Miranda give us the greatest gift we could ever receive, glimpses of the daughter we once knew, the one we once had. One that interacts, one that laughs, one that plays and one that is beginning to understand more and more each day.

We could all focus on what wasn’t in 2020. We could focus on the loss, the pain, the suffering. It’s been here. For all of us. However, I won’t. I will choose to see the gift of 2020.

Dear Miss Miranda, you have made our world the best it could have been this year. We truly are grateful to you.

This post originally appeared on www.messyblessymomma.com.

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

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When Christmas Looks Different From What You Imagined

By Courtney Mills

Holidays have always been big in my family. Christmas growing up was always so busy. You see, my parents were divorced, and so I was always on the go; being with one parent Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day, while also seeing extended family as we celebrated. 

I always dreamed of the day I’d have my own family, and we could sit and enjoy the holiday.

Decorating one tree. 

Being in one place for the whole holiday. 

Fast forward to now, and my dream Christmas may still never happen. Not because we aren’t together as a whole, but because my son is autistic. 

We decorated a tree for the first few years. We wrapped presents. We even got to stay in our home, not having to travel. 

But my son has yet to show interest. 

Last year we didn’t even put up a tree. We didn’t wrap presents. We simply set up my son’s swing and placed the other toys on the swing for him to see. I really thought it would be the year he showed interest in his presents. 

I was wrong. 

I even told myself I wasn’t going to bother with a tree this year, either. But while trying to clean out the storage room, and decluttering our living room, my husband brought in the Christmas tree. 

He proceeded to set up the tree and plug in the lights only to figure out some of the lights were out. We tried replacing some of them but that didn’t seem to do the trick. So we figured it’s because it’s old, and it was time to buy a new tree. 

We then got ready and went to town to grab a bite, and purchase a new tree. All before we had to pick Graham up from school. 

After picking Graham up, we headed home to get ready for home therapy and to set up our new tree. 

Our plan went south, fast.

As we opened the front door our old tree was still up. Graham stopped; he wouldn’t enter. He finally grabbed my hand, shaking, and proceeded to stay as far away from the tree as possible ‘til we made it to his room. 

Our ABA therapist arrived, and we once again tried to head into the living room to attempt playtime. 

Nope. He wasn’t having it. He kept pulling us back to his room. 

I told my husband to take the tree down—guess we won’t have a tree again. I kind of had a feeling, but still, I was bummed. I was trying not to cry thinking once again my son didn’t care for Christmas. It was going to be just another normal day in our house, so I thought. 

A few minutes later, my son was on his break time and entered the kitchen—where my husband had placed the tree and ornaments. He grabbed a few of the ball ornaments and was stimming loudly. We thought, well, do we try putting the tree up again? 

So once again my husband dragged the tree and decor into the living room. As he worked to put the tree together our son said, “Wow.” 

I couldn’t believe it. 

Not thirty minutes prior, he was terrified and wouldn’t enter the house because of the tree. 

He just kept watching daddy as he put up the tree, jumping, arms flapping, and screaming. The real kicker is when my husband put Graham’s Lightning McQueen on the tree. Graham wouldn’t leave the tree alone after that. He keeps managing to take off with it without us realizing it. I hear myself saying “Graham, no no” before we have no ornaments on the tree at all!

In a way, I guess you could say my Grinch heart is growing because for once, we have some hope in enjoying Christmas.

This post originally appeared on Guiding Graham’s Way.

I'm a wife and a mom. I have a three year old son. I spend my time advocating for special needs children, bringing awareness and acceptance to all. My son was diagnosed with severe autism at age two. He is my life. 

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Reebok Honors Educators with New Wonder Woman Collab

by Karly Wood

Reebok has just unveiled its second Reebok x WONDER WOMAN collection and its the collab we need to finish out 2020. The collection is between Warner Bros. Consumer Products and DC and follows the Reebok x WONDER WOMAN 1984 line that debuted in September.

The second collection is all about the real life superheroes who are getting us through this year: education professionals and teachers. The campaign features four women who share their stories of navigating Covid-19 as teachers as well as being parents themselves.

Courtney Gould (Art Teacher), Jennifer Rutland (EVP of Realizing Children’s Strengths), Rachael Kinnealey (P.E./Health Teacher and BOKS Trainer) and Keisha Lewis (Paraprofessional and Teacher) share their stories in an inspiring film put together by the collab. Grab your tissues!

Reebok x Wonder Woman – Teachers from PARLR Brand Studio on Vimeo.

The Reebok x WONDER WOMAN features fitness and lifestyle footwear silhouettes that are all about the true spirit of Wonder Woman. They include:

  • Nano X: Training shoe that features red and gold details on the midsole and upper with blue and white stars on the toe box.
  • Harman Ripple Double: A shoe with a stacked midsole and ripple outsole and features WONDER WOMAN logos from the past 70+ years.
  • Club MEMT: Classic all-white Techque T silhouette accented by black outlines on the upper, midsole and tongue of the shoe.
  • Strength: Low cut design with vibrant pop art.

The collection is available now at reebok.com, with several styles rolling out in November.

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of Reebok

 

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Hulu Debuts “The Hardy Boys” Trailer

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Did you grow up reading the Hardy Boys books? Now a show based on the beloved series is coming to Hulu. A new trailer was released by the streaming service today. 

According to a description from Hulu, “After a family tragedy strikes, Frank Hardy (Rohan Campbell), 16, and his brother Joe (Alexander Elliot), 12, are forced to move from the big city to their parent’s hometown of Bridgeport for the summer. Staying with their Aunt Trudy (Bea Santos), Frank and Joe’s quiet summer quickly comes to a halt when they discover their dad, detective Fenton Hardy (James Tupper) has taken on a secret investigation. Realizing that their Dad may be onto something the boys take it upon themselves to start an investigation of their own, and suddenly everyone in town is a suspect.”

All 13 episodes of The Hardy Boys will start streaming on Hulu Fri., Dec. 4. 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Hulu

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5 Things I Learned about Myself during Lockdown

By Sarah Daren

Even as a fairly optimistic person, there haven’t been too many COVID-related instances that have left me with feelings of positivity. I did, as I would assume many have since the disease outbreak, get the opportunity to really take a good, hard look at myself, however. COVID-19 has added stress to our lives, has challenged us to put society before self, and has been one of the few instances that I can recall (especially as a hermit writer who prefers to work alone) where life’s daily tasks involved a certain sense of teamwork with every single person we encounter in a given day. Here are a few things I learned about myself while adapting to the “new normal.”

1. I Can Be a Team Player. Though I am a very happy and gainfully employed writer now, I took aim at this life after realizing that the office life was simply not something I could master, nor ever be truly happy with. I could step back, take a deep breath, and truly say to myself, “You work with really good people” on multiple occasions, and still hate the “work with” part of that sentence. 

Cue COVID.

When the outcome of working together became the health and safety of humankind, rather than a paycheck, I was pleasantly surprised with my own willingness to “play ball.” Even a successful trip to the corner store these days involves my mask and washed hands, as well as everyone’s in said store, and at least in my neck of the woods, I often left those scenarios thinking, “Great work, team!”   

2. I Really Appreciate Healthcare Workers. I’ve always had an unrealistic fear of hospitals and places of the like, simply because a silly voice in my head was telling me they are just full of diseases and I was going to get sick if I went. I can readily admit that those thoughts were irrational for my first few decades on the planet, but the last few months they have actually be justifiable, with no action of my own, of course. With that, I truly view the healthcare workers risking their lives to save others as absolute heroes and when hand shaking is deemed a safe practice, I hope to shake every doctor, nurse, and hospital staff member I ever interact with. 

In addition to their jobs, I can’t even fathom the level of stress management skills nurses have to have to stay sane, and I simply can’t say enough about how much I have come to appreciate them.  

3. Cooking Is Fun. Unfortunately I can’t title this section “I realized I was good at cooking,” but I sure do enjoy it, and some somewhat-edible concoctions have made their way from my kitchen to my table in the last few months. With the evolution of grocery delivery looking like it will hang around after COVID-19 has been put to rest, I like to think I will continue on this journey of self-taught culinary “arts” and maybe even get the confidence to share some with a neighbor or something. As for now, I’ll view the quarantine order as a silver lining that is allowing my newly found cooking habit to get polished up. 

4. Human Interaction Is Important to Me (This One Surprised Me). As cliché as it may be, the saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is probably ringing true for a lot of people with something related to COVID-19 and the things it took away from us that we otherwise took for granted. For me, that is human interaction. Though it was something I often avoided for extended periods, it was not something that I was ever forced to avoid, and I have been quite thankful to be able to utilize my Zoom setup and see some familiar faces every couple of weeks. 

5. Society Still Makes Me Sad. Despite everything I have just written, my core reasons for being a hermit have definitely been reinforced during these stand down periods. Though so many people have come together for the greater good of society, so many have not. I’m a realist, and I believe the new polarizes any instances they know would upset us (for me, the “COVID is a hoax” folk), but nonetheless, the failures and seeming short attention spans of a lot of the nation are, indeed, the reasons for a continued rise in cases and I just wish we could all make this an “us against COVID” situation instead of a left and right issue like so many issues in our country have come to be. 

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

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The Only Type of Mom I Need to Be

By Leigh Hurst

Before becoming a mom, I was simply an observer of moms. Mostly in a passive kind of way, not giving much critical thought to what it actually meant.

I am a daughter of a mom that made it look easy. And she was a daughter of a mom that made it look even easier. I traveled as a passenger with my mom in the “mom lane” for most of my life. Knowing how lucky I was to have her while also, as daughter’s do, pushing back against pretty much anything I could at times. Because she was my mom.

I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to experience the world through my own eyes. My mom encouraged that and loved me through it all—good times and bad. Even when my choices for how I experienced the world were different than those she would have liked, she was there. She listened, she cheered me on, and she reminded me that better days would come when all I could see were dark clouds. And little by little I became me, not just my mom’s daughter.

My path through life has always been full throttle. I had plans and goals and places I wanted to go to. Becoming a mom, for me, was something I always thought about in the future tense—even as I entered my 30s and the timeframe for becoming a mom was closing in. I couldn’t imagine not being a mom, but that feeling of urgency was never something I experienced.

Then I got breast cancer and any thoughts of becoming a mom were sidelined (at best) or (at worst) possibly taken out of the game.

But then it happened. Eli entered the world. And suddenly after 40 years of being just an observer of moms, I became one myself. Then a short while later, Leo made our little family complete. I was no longer a passenger in the mom lane, I was the driver.

I’m a mom.

Becoming a mom for me was overwhelming, to say the least. In ways I never expected. Suddenly, simply by virtue of having a child exit your body, you have something in common with everyone in the world that has experienced childbirth. People, that otherwise, you have zero in common with.

And the advice about sleeping regimens and developmental timeframes for when your baby should rollover started feeling like the loudest voices I’d ever heard. Unlike any other time in my life, I struggled to filter it out and carve my path through it all.

It’s taken me years to find my stride. And, if I’m honest, finding it has been nothing short of an uphill battle for me. Prior to being a mom, I always felt confident about my choices and centered about who I was. But something about having full responsibility for keeping another human alive combined with the never-ending input from the world about how to do that uncovered an insecurity in me that I never knew was there.

But somewhere between feeling bad about putting them to bed without an undershirt on and realizing that it’s ok to have cupcakes for dinner, I found my stride. I started to gain confidence in my own way of doing things. I started to accept that my version on mom-ing is far different than the vision I previously held and it’s for sure different than the world’s view that stifled me in the early days.

I realized that being a mom, in my way, is about moving through life with these little humans and making sense of it all. It’s about knowing that, for this short window in their life, no one knows them better than me or loves them more than I do. And because I have been loved by a mom who was also loved by a mom in exactly that way, I know they will be just fine.

You see, I’m not just a mom. I’m their mom. And that’s the only type of mom I need to be.

This post originally appeared on Leighhurst.com.

Leigh Hurst is a mom of two boys, a breast cancer survivor and the founder of the Feel Your Boobies Foundation. She is also the author of the forthcoming book, Say Something Big: Feel Your Boobies, Find Your Voice. Stories About Little Lumps Inspiring Big Changes [Oct. 2020].

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