Make sure your kiddos know that Martin Luther King Jr. Day is about more than a day off of school

Your little dreamers naturally understand the power and importance of having hopes and wishes, so learning facts about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his “I Have a Dream” speech is a tactile way to help kids understand the significance of who MLK Jr. was. Help the kids learn more about this chief spokesman for nonviolent activism, civil rights, and the end of racial segregation.

Bee Calder on Unsplash

1. Martin Luther King Jr. was born on Jan. 15, 1929. His birth name was Michael but was changed to Martin by his father (who also changed his name) in 1934 (after Martin Luther, the leader of the Protestant Reformation in the 1500s).

2. At 14 he won a contest with a speech about civil rights. 

3. He started college when he was just 15.

4. He worked for a newspaper as one of his first jobs.

5. Stevie Wonder wrote his song "Happy Birthday" to help build on the campaign to make Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday a national holiday. He asks a simple question throughout the song, “Why has there never been a holiday where peace is celebrated throughout the world? The time is overdue.” 

6. According to the King Center, Martin Luther King, Jr. was jailed 30 times for charges such as civil disobedience.

7. MLK Jr. was awarded 20 honorary degrees.

8. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was instrumental in getting the Civil Rights Act of 1964 passed. This act outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. It made it illegal to segregate based on race in schools, the workplace, and public accommodations (or facilities that serve the general public including hospitals and libraries). It may be hard for your kiddos to believe that there was once a time when children could not drink from the same drinking fountain or use the same bathroom because of the color of their skin. MLK fought to end that.

9. He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Peace in April 1964.

10. Martin Luther King Jr. married Coretta Scott on June 18, 1953. The ceremony was performed by his father, Martin Luther King Sr. Coretta had the vow "to obey" removed from the vows, which was almost unheard of at the time. 

11. MLK Jr. and his wife had four children: Martin Luther King III, Bernice King, Yolanda King, and Dexter King.

12. His "I Have a Dream" speech was not his first at the Lincoln Memorial. He gave a speech there on voting rights in 1957.

13. He survived an attempt on his life in 1958. He was stabbed with a letter opener by Izola Ware Curry. He underwent hours of emergency surgery. Surgeons said one sneeze could have punctured his aorta and killed him.

14. Martin Luther King Jr.'s mother was killed six years after his murder. She was shot while playing the organ at church.

15. One of the best ways kids can understand what he was all about is by listening to his famous "I Have a Dream" speech, which he made on Aug. 28, 1963. Kids of any age can listen and read along through this link

Unseen Histories on Unsplash

After listening to the speech, ask your kids a few questions to help them grasp the magnitude. Here are a few suggestions:

  • What does it feel like to be excluded? Have you ever been excluded from something?
  • What is a slave? What does it mean to be enslaved?
  • What was the emancipation proclamation
  • What is something you can do to make others feel more included?
  • Can you think of a time when you saw something wasn't right, and you spoke up?
  • What does the word "community" mean to you?
  • What do you love about your community?
  • Is there one thing you can do each day to help others?
  • What are the big things you'd like to change in the world?
  • What is your big dream?

with additional reporting by Taylor Clifton

Ask any woman in her thirties or forties if there was a pivotal book in her childhood and Judy Blume’s name will definitely come up. She was the original queen of YA fiction—and such a part of so many of our pasts. Now, the book is coming to life in a movie starring Rachael McAdams, Kathy Bates, and Abby Ryder Fortson as Margaret. The movie was set to premiere on September 16, 2022.

Are You There, God fans will now have to wait until April 28, 2023.

But today, Lionsgate released some cast info and images—and the developments are exciting! “For over fifty years, Judy Blume’s classic and groundbreaking novel Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. has impacted generations with its timeless coming of age story, insightful humor, and candid exploration of life’s biggest questions,” the release begins. And we have a trailer!

“In Lionsgate’s big-screen adaptation, 11-year-old Margaret (Abby Ryder Fortson) is uprooted from her life in New York City for the suburbs of New Jersey, going through the messy and tumultuous throes of puberty with new friends in a new school. She relies on her mother, Barbara (Rachel McAdams), who is also struggling to adjust to life outside the big city, and her adoring grandmother, Sylvia (Kathy Bates), who isn’t happy they moved away and likes to remind them every chance she gets. The film also stars Benny Safdie (Licorice Pizza, Good Time) and is written for the screen and directed by Kelly Fremon Craig.”

Kathy Bates? Rachel McAdams? Sign. Us. Up.

The book was published in 1970, and follows a girl, Margaret, going through so many of the recognizable milestones puberty and growing up as a tween brings. Margaret Simon is an 11-year-old girl who moves to a new town. As she struggles to understand her developing body, changing emotions, and navigating life at a new school, she reaches out to “God”—but with a Christian mother and Jewish father, the “God” figure isn’t attached to any particular religion, just a source of comfort to her as she questions all the changes going on around her and within her.

In the decades since its publication, the book has topped the list of banned books—and with the recent resurgence of banned books lists, it’s gotten a lot of attention. Anyone who has read the book and had it play such an important part in their early understanding of the changes we all go through at that age can attest to just how damaging keeping books from children is.

Judy Blume is a hero to so many of us, and I personally can’t wait to share this movie with my own young children, along with the book, to let them know it’s always okay to talk about what you’re going through and seek more information.

 

 

Say it with us: families need support! Fortunately for families, the YMCA of Metro Chicago is committed to its community and has your back. As a nonprofit organization, their mission is to develop strong children, families and communities across the city of Chicago and suburbs through academic readiness, character development, violence prevention, and healthy living—impressive, right?

Much more than a fitness center, the YMCA may be what you need to navigate our new normal. Read on for four reasons why the Y is precisely where you want to be!

Ready to join today? Use code FAM15 when you join and receive $15 off the first month of a family membership (valid through 12/15/20). Or bring in your family to try out the Y by purchasing a family day pass at their front desks ($15 includes 2 adults, unlimited children) or by calling their Member Services team at 773-905-5115.

Family Values

For hundreds of years, parents have relied on the YMCA as a partner in helping to raise confident, healthy and community-minded citizens. Not just sports and after-school programs, the Y’s goal is to help kids create a positive identity, develop transferable life skills, healthy habits, and build career readiness. 

The YMCA is here to help parents reach their wellness goals, too! Parents have the opportunity to get their sweat on with tons of classes to choose from while their kids are taking part in a class of their own. During regular operating, they even offer free childcare on-site with Kids Zone, offering a safe environment and trusted sitter for an hour or two.

(Accessible) Activities for All

The YMCA offers a wide variety of programs for the whole family, including early childhood education and care for children ages six weeks to six years, before and after school programs, daytime and overnight summer camp, swim lessons and premium fitness classes, to name a few. 

We all know that the flexibility to squeeze in a workout around your day is crucial to keeping up with your health goals. A YMCA of Metro Chicago membership gives members access to 13 YMCA membership centers across the Chicagoland area, which means no more excuses—you can do it!

 

Community-Minded

The YMCA is committed to creating an inclusive environment and meeting all of today’s families’ needs. Their equally passionate staff prides itself on establishing a sense of community at their centers. The love is mutual—many of their members and program participants end up volunteering with Y programs.

The Y has long been a stronghold in communities across the country and the world. All are welcome at the Y regardless of race, religion, orientation, ability or socioeconomic background. The YMCA believes a family should never be denied access to their services because of an inability to pay and offers financial assistance to those in need.

COVID Response

As they’ve done for decades, the YMCA has rallied purposefully behind the city and the region to support families during difficult times. Even while locations were shut down, the Y continued its commitment to the community by sheltering the city’s homeless and displaced citizens, providing emergency child care for essential workers, and distributing food, diapers, and other critical supplies to residents in need. 

Exciting news: They’ve reopened their centers with extensive precautionary measures, and are offering remote learning support programsFor more information on their reopening policies and procedures, as well as “Know Before You Go” information, please visit their Reopening Resource Center

 

Ready to join today? Use code FAM15 when you join and receive $15 off the first month of a family membership (valid through 12/15/20). Or bring in your family to try out the Y by purchasing a family day pass at their front desks ($15 includes 2 adults, unlimited children) or by calling their Member Services team at 773-905-5115.

Learn more about their COVID response and support the YMCA as they work to strengthen families during the pandemic and beyond here.

All photos courtesy of the YMCA of Metro Chicago.

 

—Jamie Aderski

 

Photo: Erin Song via Unsplash

Inclusivity can mean a number of different things. Usually, it refers to including and considering those who are often excluded or marginalized—this can involve sexuality, gender, race, religion, ethnicity, and varying levels of ability. Ensuring inclusive environments makes the world a better place for everyone on a personal, intellectual and even professional level by ensuring that everyone feels welcome. Often, inclusivity is discussed in workplaces, schools, organizations and other public spaces, but it’s also important to teach inclusivity within your family and your household.

Being a good citizen in the world begins with the lessons you learn at home, and while your home is a more comfortable and relaxed place—perhaps with a more homogeneous mix of people than the world at large—it’s still important to teach inclusivity in your family so you can fully embrace the differences within your own household and in your community at large.

You never know where your inclusivity could really make a difference—from your child who could be exploring their identity knowing that they’ll come out to an accepting and loving support system, to guests in your home, to the people you encounter every day in the world. People come from all different backgrounds and experiences, and while you don’t have to know all the answers, making an effort to inform and educate yourself and your family can go a long way. If you’re looking to encourage more inclusivity in your household, here are a few ways to do it.

1. Surround Your Family with Diverse People

While the idea of being “colorblind” or “not noticing disability” might be nice at first, it can actually do more harm than good. People are different, and that’s beautiful. Making an effort to engage in activities and participate in inclusive spaces can expose your family to all different experiences. Looking for schools, activities, and social circles with people of different backgrounds and experiences can normalize variation and diversity for your kids, and even for you.

2. Encourage Empathy

One of the key points of inclusivity is thinking and acting with empathy. While diversity is about the presence of people of different backgrounds and experiences, inclusivity involves making the effort to understand their experiences, and empathy is an integral part of that action. While it’s impossible to understand the exact feelings associated with someone else’s experiences, even encouraging your kids or family to think from the perspective of others can be a great exercise in empathizing with someone of different backgrounds from your own.

3. Allow for Questions

Inclusivity isn’t just about normalization and diversity, either. It’s also about understanding and treating people like human beings who deserve respect. As long as questions are posed in a respectful manner and you’re prepared to listen, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them. Asking someone what their experience is like adjusting to life in a wheelchair, celebrating different holidays or growing up in another country isn’t rude.

While there is a boundary between asking questions to understand someone’s experience and expecting someone to take on the emotional labor of educating you, the key is often honesty and respect. If your kids have questions you know the answer to, you can always educate them, too.

4. Model Good Behavior

You can’t expect your family to walk the walk if all you do is talk the talk. One of the best ways to teach inclusivity and encourage it in your household is to live a more inclusive lifest‌yle yourself. Support organizations, policies, and even politics that encourage inclusivity throughout the world. Spend time with people of various backgrounds and experiences and let your kids and family see. Sometimes, the best way to encourage inclusivity is simply by living it.

5. Prioritize Representation in Media & Books

Another avenue in which diversity and inclusivity is highly important is the media your family consumes. The kinds of people we see represented in films, shows, and books often shape our opinions and experiences within the world, and it’s important to use them as tools towards being more informed people. Try to read more inclusive literature and consume media that features all kinds of people. You may learn a lot from it.

6. Go the Extra Mile to Make Accommodations

Inclusivity is often about making the accommodations people need in order to make them feel welcome and comfortable. Many systems are set up specifically to cater to those in more privileged positions without regard to the needs of others, and advocating for more inclusivity often involves advocating for the accommodations necessary for people of different experiences and ability levels.

If your child has a friend or classmate who has a different diet because of religious reasons, needs physical accommodations, or has any other requirements, advocating on their behalf in public spaces and making sure they’re comfortable in your home can be really meaningful. It can make their experience better and model that behavior for your family, too.

In order to create a more inclusive world, change needs to start at home. By encouraging inclusivity in your household, you’re encouraging inclusivity on a wider scale, too. Raising respectful, knowledgeable, and empathetic members of society begins with you, and by encouraging inclusivity at home, you’re doing your part in creating a better world for everyone.

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

Few things are as frustrating as watching your child struggle his or her way through school. They’re putting in the time and the effort — even with your help — yet they’re still not performing their best.

You know that with the right curriculum and attention, you know they could thrive. Good news! There is help available.

Recent studies have shown that children have unique and varied approaches to learning. Accordingly, your child may not fit the traditional school model.

If this sounds like your child, they may benefit from a holistic approach to education.

Read on to learn more about this exciting new approach and how it can help your child succeed.

Taking a Holistic Approach to Education: Changing the way Your Child Learns

Understanding the Approach

Before determining whether your child needs a holistic approach to education, it’s important to understand the philosophy behind it. Holistic education has its roots in the 1800s and was popularized by Ron Miller.

Miller decided that the current education system wasn’t quite getting the job done. Children were learning, certainly, but they weren’t retaining or understanding the knowledge.

His philosophy involved a more engaging and rigorous structure. Children would still learn the basics like reading and writing, but they’d learn it in a different way.

Miller’s system was a hit.

Holistic education as we know it focuses on the development of a child in their entirety, not just their acedemic side. While a standard school will help with rote memory there’s more to development than facts.

Holistic education focuses on factors like home life, socialization, critical thinking, and religion, while helping them connect to their community, earth, and soul. Since a holistic approach to education is tailored, it will vary on the parent’s approach.

A Holistic Approach Gives Your Child the Attention They Need

“Holistic education engages the mind, heart, hands, and spirit of a child.”

At the end of the day, no child is going to thrive and succeed at every single task. Even with hours of homework and practice, children’s brains just work in a way that the traditional school system can’t understand.

For example, your child may enjoy smaller, individualized lesson plans to focus on his or her needs. This is perhaps the greatest strength of a holistic approach.

If your child struggles with writing, for instance, a holistic ed. program will assess your child’s needs and structure a plan around them — not the other way around. You’ll get the tools to write with your child and strengthen their skills. The plan becomes all about a child centred approach, not a pass/fail grade.

Socialization is Still Critical

Make no mistake, a holistic approach to education doesn’t necessarily mean homeschooling. Children thrive on socialization and play, and a holistic education understands that.

If you’re concerned that a holistic education would deprive your child of their much-needed social time, don’t worry.

There are programs and facilities that provide the best of both worlds. Your child can attend a program several days a week where they’ll get social time with friends and peers.

Then, they’ll get homework assignments for the remaining days of the week. They’ll still have the accountability of homework while enjoying a unique education.

Only You Know What Your Child Needs

It’s up to you to decide whether your child could benefit from a holistic education. It isn’t an easy decision and requires a lot of effort on your part, so make sure you’re ready. And if it doesn’t seem right for your child — that’s okay! Remember, learning isn’t a cookie-cutter scenario. Everyone will require different things.

There’s a plethora of information about holistic education available online, including sample curriculum. If you have any questions, opinions, or tips about holistic education, drop us a line below!

I'm Missy, a mother of three and a middle school drama teacher at a private school. I'm obsessed with my Vizsla (dog), traveling, and the musical Hamilton. I also enjoy writing and sharing fun parenting stories, which is what brought me here.

The importance of inclusivity has never been more prominent in our society, and it’s vital to instill values of kind practices in your child. No matter their age, it’s never too late or too early to start building a more inclusive life. Your child can grow up and become an informed member of a healthy functioning community, and you can guide them there.

Everyone has differences, and acknowledging and working with them is part of building a society where everyone feels welcome. As much as we’d like to think so, inclusion isn’t always an instinct. People often tend to gravitate toward those who remind them of themselves, but this doesn’t mean inclusivity isn’t a beneficial value worth teaching. In fact, it’s one of the most important ones out there.

1. Don’t Ignore Differences. It may be our first instinct to simply focus on how we’re all just humans. While this can encourage people to feel more like a unit, ignoring differences in religion, race, ability level and other markers of identity can make people feel like they’re not being seen. This isn’t inclusion. In fact, ignoring the needs and experiences of others that aren’t like you can prevent them from accessing the consideration, care, and accessibility measures they need on a larger scale.

Equality requires more critical thought than deciding to treat everyone the same and be done with it. People have different needs and experiences. Acceptance is about learning about one another’s cultures and not ignoring them. It’s about offering the religious accommodations people need, striving for accessibility, and listening to others when they request accommodations. 

To open your kids to this, talk honestly and openly about differences. Answer questions and learn together so they can grow into members of a thriving, diverse community.

2. Find Common Ground. It’s vital to acknowledge and learn about our differences, of course, but it can also be important to find similarities and common ground. It’s all about balance. For kids, fun activities and play are great ways to bring people together and achieve a natural flow of commonalities. Interacting with children in their circle can go a long way. Putting them in environments that are inclusive of everyone and advocating for the presence of those spaces can help achieve this.

Inclusive playgrounds, classes, libraries, and parks are fantastic places to take your child and their friends. Finding environments that offer multiple levels of play, group activities for everyone, and adequate space for those who require it can encourage children to feel comfortable and at ease there. Pushing for those qualities in new or existing areas can also help.

3. Use Content to Educate. The power of books, stories, and film can go a long way. What a child experiences in the media they consume will help shape their view of the world, so it’s important to expose them to a variety of things. If all they see are people who look just like them, that’s what the world will always seem like. In the early years, seeing a spectrum of different people can help shape your child’s worldview for the better.

Watching shows and movies with diverse casts is a great place to start. You can also turn to the power of reading. There is a wide array of inclusive books for kids of all ages. While this isn’t the only important part of raising your child in the spirit of inclusivity, it’s definitely a good practice.

4. Model Inclusivity in Your Own Life. Children observe what their parents are doing. They want to be like mom and dad, which is why it’s especially important to lead by setting an example. Modeling inclusivity by participating in circles and environments with people of all walks of life can set a good example for your child and establish a precedent for their sense of normal. When you have a wide circle of friends who accommodate one another, your child will see that and run with it.

5. Encourage Advocacy. One big part of raising your child with the spirit of inclusivity is encouraging them to stand up for those who need it. This is what good citizenship and friendship are all about—being there for others and helping them meet their needs. Teach them that standing up for others can be hard at times, but it’s worse to be targeted unfairly for something you can’t change. Standing up for others is part of being in a community, whether it’s their playground, friend group, or school.

Raising a child to be inclusive often requires thought and intention. A little effort on your part will go a long way. They will grow up to be a more engaged citizen, a well-rounded person, a better friend, and a compassionate future member of society.

 

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

Photo: iStock

With all the recent protests, this raises many questions for our children and it’s some uncharted territory for parents to explain. Children are aware of ways we differ, but they aren’t born identifying people with a particular race. Children begin to notice racial differences between the ages of three and five. An innocent curiosity that isn’t yet linked to any positive or negative qualities about different groups of people. What starts to shift is that positive and negative qualities do come into the picture through their parents, significant others and media. Parents should be very careful about passing on their own biases and prejudices before kids even understand the concept of racism.

As parents, we may not have all the answers. But we we should also be ready to answer questions. With the protests and riots happening today. imagine you’re a 5-year-old noticing this on the news, you look worried and upset and no one is telling you why. Imagine how scary and worried you would be.

Tips


1. Be open and honest.
Some people get treated unfairly based on their skin color, culture or religion. By doing this, we help prepare them to challenge these issues when they arise.

2. Model it.Talking to your child about the importance of embracing differences and treating others with respect is essential, but it’s not enough. Acknowledge difference and emphasize the positive aspects of our differences. Encourage your child to talk about what makes them different, and discuss ways that may have helped or hurt them at times. Similarities become more powerful. Remember silence indicates acceptance

3. Do something. Take a stand when you witness injustice. This is the time to help our children grow into adults who value and honor diversity.

4. For teens—keep talking. Use current issues from the news, as a springboard for discussion. Ask your teen what they think about the issues. Discuss the importance of valuing differences is essential, but modeling this message is even more vital. Evaluate your own circle of friends or the beliefs you hold about certain groups of people.

5. Encourage activism. Promote ways for your family  to get involved in causes you care about.

6. Explain what protest means if developmentally appropriate for you child. Seven years and older is my recommendation. Everyone has a right to their own opinion and to voice it in America, but you also have to respect others’ opinions. A typical goals of non aggressive protest is to inspire positive social change and protection of human rights. Sometimes, people make poor choices and react with aggression because of the feelings they have. It is ok to protest in a friendly way.

photo: Reena Patel 

Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year

 

Parents today have a different set of challenges than their parents or grandparents did. These days, school-age children have a lot more options when it comes to screen time. A new study by Osmo, looks into whether parenting is more difficult today and if their children’s tech usage is a source of concern. 

kids on tablets

 

The study examined 2,000 US parents of school-age children and their attitudes towards parenting and practices between today’s adults and their parents. Surprisingly, 78% of those surveyed be;ive that they are better parents than their parents were. This study conducted by OnePoll also reveals a range of attitudes towards how they value time spent with children, including screen time, given how many mobile devices are being used by children and adults today.

“We conducted this exciting study to explore how today’s adult parents differ from past generations, how they learned parenting, how they value spending time with kids, and whether this includes allowing mobile screen time,” says Pramod Sharma, CEO of Osmo. “Given these parents grew up mostly without mobile devices, we were curious about their views on technology. We asked: ‘Are there rules in place? Do they limit children’s time on devices? Are they monitoring what games, videos, and apps their kids are consuming? Would they allow their kids more screen time if the content was educational?” 

Sharma, the father of two children, co-founded Osmo because he desired a hands-on, educational, healthier way for kids to use devices, and allay parental anxiety about using technology at home. 

Participants admitted learning parenting from a wealth of sources like books, TV, websites, other parents, religion, as well as relying on their own parents and experiences. “Interestingly, while 77% think they should not expose children to punitive parenting practices they endured (spanking, being sent to your room or finishing dinner before leaving the table, adhering to strict bedtime), five in ten would love to share the experience of playing beloved board games with their children. This ranks as high as past-times like books, movies, sports and family meals, with 49% saying they will carry on similar traditions with their kids,” says Sharma. “It suggests that families still value game time as a very important part of child development.”

The majority of the parents polled embrace the use of technology in the home, but they monitor usage across devices and set rules around screen time. While they worry about the quality of the content their children consume, 48% would allow more screen time if the content was educational. 

While Sharma allows his little ones to freely use iPads at home, he makes sure their screen time is active versus passive. “The case of watching hours of YouTube mindlessly is not part of our family’s parenting practice,” he says. 

Respondents said that they may spend anywhere from $10-$50 monthly on supplemental educational products and would even spend more if they felt the product was valuable.

“This data is compelling for Osmo because it shows parents are welcoming greater usage of educational products at home, while reinforcing our belief that hands-on games played within a group setting are a highly valuable means of learning,” says Sharma. “It validates Osmo’s mission to create quality programs that are fun for kids, parents and educators, and that educational technology will continue to grow.” 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo by McKaela Lee on Unsplash

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8 Changes You Should Never Make for Your Partner

Photo: Pixabay

Managing a relationship is tough work. Sometimes you find yourself looking in the mirror one day and you’ve suddenly become someone else. Someone different. Relationships change us, but they shouldn’t change who you are fundementally or physically unless those are changes that you want for yourself.

Here are some parts of you that you should NEVER change because of someone else, and how to tell if you already, so you can stop.

1. Your st‌yle.

If you find yourself standing in the dressing room, looking in the mirror and wondering if your partner will like what they see, you’re doing it wrong. Unless you are out shopping for a special occasion, buy what makes you happy. While it’s nice to feel “noticed,” it’s also nice to feel like your st‌yle matches your personality.

2. Your friends.

When you start cutting friends out because of your partner, it’s a sure-fire indicator that something isn’t right here. No one that loves you would expect you to cut people that have been supportive of you out of your life. Watch out for this serious red flag.

3. Your relationship with your family.

Similar with friends, your family is your blood. If you are finding yourself spending less time with your family because they don’t get along with your partner, or your partner doesn’t like them… RUN. And find yourself someone you can enjoy with the people you love.

4. Your individuality.

The early stages of a relationship can turn you into a meshed ball of love and lust where one of you ends and the other begins. You do everything together, you can’t live without each other, and you certainly can’t (and don’t want to) be alone. But those days should fade over time as you settle into your relationship, and finding your individuality again should be top priority. You can’t love someone else fully if you literally cannot be without them.

5. Your religious beliefs.

If you feel strongly about science, but your new beau is a devout Christian, there should be boundaries. There is no reason why anyone should have to change the core pieces of them to match someone else just because they are together. You can have different views and still love each other for those views, respectfully. But if you find yourself missing church every Sunday because your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate your religion, you either need to have a serious convo about those boundaries, or you need to find someone with the same devotion to your church as you.

6. Your body.

If you are with someone who wants to change the way you look… GET OUT. Unless you are making a vow to get healthy or lose a few pounds because it’s something you want to do for YOU, then there is no reason why you should have to change your physical appearance to match what someone else has in mind. It’s your body. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. And if you are? The people who love you should not be trying to change you.

7. Your quirks.

Do you have a weird pillow you sleep with at night? Do you need to check the garage door twice before you leave the house? Whatever it is, it’s part of YOU. It makes you more comfortable and it’s one of your “things.” If the person you are with wants you to stop doing something not because it’s unhealthy or dangerous but because it bothers them? Then you have some serious thinking to do. What other things will they want to see you change later?

8. Your relationship expectations.

If you have #relationshipgoals and the person you are with fits very few of them, keep looking. Don’t settle for less than what you feel you deserve, because you absolutely do deserve it all. And you’re only doing yourself a disservice by sticking it out in a relationship that doesn’t meet your realistic expectations of what your partner should be.

It’s easy to get lost in “love,” especially in the beginning when everything is new, fresh and exciting. But eventually you find your way back to you. And if you don’t, it might be time to find yourself someone to spend your life with that doesn’t make you change who you are fundamentally. It’s hard enough work  trying to make a relationship work. Doing it while trying to become someone you’re not is exhausting and unfair.

– Nicole Pecoraro for Fairygodboss

Fairygodboss Georgene Huang & Romy Newman, Founders
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

As the largest career community for women, Fairygodboss provides millions of women with career connections, community advice and the hard-to-find intel about how companies treat women.