Make the best of shorter days when the time change arrives
Pre-kid, you never really thought about Daylight Saving Time (what’s an hour here or there?). But kids can make this seasonal change a challenge. With the end of Daylight Saving coming up soon (Sunday, November 5), falling back means it’s super dark, super early. Before you set your clocks back an hour, read on for some tips and tricks for keeping that precious, tenuous sleep/wake routine in place.
Bit by bit. You can try moving their bedtime back for a few days leading to the time change. This will help set your kids’ little clocks before the big day so it won’t be a total shock. Consider arming them with a cute (and practical) alarm clock to help make the transition a bit easier. Care.com recommends 15 minutes for babies, 20 minutes for toddlers ages 1 and over, and 30 minutes for school-aged kids.
Be consistent. If sleep time comes later, that means waking up time will, too. If you’re letting time creep up a few days before, do the same with wake-up time, breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc. Their entire day from top to bottom should feel the same, even if you’re adjusting and fudging with timing. They shouldn’t even notice a change, especially if they’re too young to tell time.
Use light and dark to your advantage. Since light and darkness influence our kids’ internal clocks, give them plenty of outdoor time during the day so it’s a bit easier to stay up later at night. Once it’s time to start winding down for that later bedtime, make sure their room is nice and dark.
Eat Later It can be tricky when your family is used to their routine, but if you can bump dinner a bit later each night, it will help your kids’ internal clocks. Be sure to offer toddlers their afternoon snack a little later, too, and adjust your baby’s feeding schedule if possible.
Ignore it. Not the best strategy for some, but if you keep chugging along, so will they. Just switch everything on the day of, and move on. Kids are resilient. But try to keep their routine (mostly) intact.
Be realistic. Your child may not even notice a slight change or they may go bonkers. But it’s important to remember to listen to them, understand why they’re upset, and work from there. Children are all so different—who knows how they’ll each react or even how one will react from year to year!
Be sympathetic. Remember to put yourself in your kids’ shoes and stay calm if they’re a hot mess for a few days. By staying calm, you’ll help kids adjust to fall daylight savings in no time.
When your kids have adjusted to the time change, make sure to capture all their cutest moments—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.
How many questions a day do you answer? Probably thousands, right? Congrats. You are winning at this parenting thing
They say that curiosity may have killed the cat, but as it turns out, it’s a great thing in kids. And since research suggests that curiosity is an accelerant, if not a root cause of learning, then it’s no surprise that educators are taking a closer look at the relationship between natural curiosity in kids and skills that predict success in life. Here are five reasons why supporting your curious kid is more important than ever.
Curiosity Drives Learning
As noted in Psychological Science, “Researchers have demonstrated that curiosity—long thought to help motivate learning—is also associated with better learning outcomes.” Simply—a child’s curiosity about a subject correlates with whether they’ll retain what they learn. Most interestingly, kids remember lessons the most when they were stumped in the first place. Curiosity and learning are, therefore, less about finding answers than about the process of seeking understanding.
Educators who slow down and provide students time to wonder and be curious about an idea before expecting them to provide a rote answer are adept at fostering curiosity in the classroom. “Curiosity does not hold up well under intense expectation. Our role as teachers is not to provide answers. Our role is to give time and free rein to inherent curiosity and questions and let our students exist in the heightened state of hungering for knowledge,” explains education advisor and professor Eric Shonstrom.
Curiosity Builds Psychological Safety & Is a Healthy Response to Uncertainty
The Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) reports children’s depression and anxiety rates may have doubled since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. Developing a curiosity skillset can help create your children’s psychological safety, which is the idea that someone feels safe or not afraid of being labeled or criticized for saying what they are thinking and feeling, as well as equip them with a healthy response to operating amid uncertainty.
Curiosity is also a healthy response for a child operating amid uncertainty; seeking more information helps children feel more empowered, which combats the anxiety of helplessness. “When you learn to ask more questions—especially in ambiguous situations—you’re building ‘curiosity muscles,'” says Liz Guthridge, founder of Connect Consulting Group.
Have you ever been stumped? You’re literally out of ideas, and the best option is to chuck it all and go home. If you can’t think of a way out, you quit. But, when you simply must know who, what, when, where, and why, you rarely run out of questions, and you rarely quit.
Curious kids simply don’t run out of questions. One observation leads to another, and “what ifs” become “how could.” The countless questions often fired from the back seat of your car are exhibits of your child’s persistence. Instead of “giving up” on an idea, they keep turning it over, examining it from new angles and different perspectives. Keep answering those questions—even when it seems like you’re on 1,999,999 because a persistent child is a resilient child.
The old saying “curiosity killed the cat” isn’t too far off the mark when you consider most of the trouble that kids get into starts with boredom. Naturally curious children can go “un-entertained,” a.k.a. flat-out-bored, without incident. When your child is occupied with imagination—about how things work, about discovering solutions to challenges that everyday interactions in the world afford—they are more likely to be able to figure things out in other situations. Ultimately, curiosity gives children opportunities to become more confident and that grows self-sufficiency.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sensory play is an excellent way to spark a young child’s curiosity. As they reach out to what is around them, their discoveries are cataloged. The more experiences they gather, the better they become at differentiating between them, and their curiosity about what makes one experience different from the next will grow.
Curiosity Makes Your Kids Happier
Instead of being inwardly focused, curious children are aware of what’s going on around them. Research has shown that trying new things, looking for new adventures, and being interested in others promote overall well-being. And, as noted in Greater Good Magazine, our brains release dopamine and other feel-good chemicals when we encounter new things. So, if your curious kid is busy expanding their horizons, whether in school, in activities, or in friendships, there’s a good chance they’re going to feel pretty darn good about themselves.
For all the parents who have ever wondered, “should I have a third child?” this is for you
Triple your pleasure; triple your fun. When you have a third child, you’ll need a bigger car and a lot more snacks, and you’ll be rewarded with more love and wild adventures. Read on to find out what life is like when you add a third baby to the family.
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Pregnancy? What Pregnancy? With your first, you have time to read baby books and take childbirth classes. Pregnancy with your second is a bit more hectic as you have to coordinate hospital tours and baby-registry shopping trips around nap time. But by the time you’re pregnant with baby 3, you’re lucky if you can even remember to take your prenatal vitamin each morning. Between taking care of two other children and driving around to all their activities, your third learns to go with the flow from the time they're in the womb.
Delivery Is Orchestrated with the Precision of a Space Shuttle Launch For the delivery of your third baby, you will need to begin preparations weeks in advance to ensure your other two children are accounted for. Schedules, locations, contact numbers and contingency plans should be documented and emailed to your entire circle so your kids can be picked up, dropped off and cared for while number three is making its arrival.
Practical > Cute in the Clothing Department With your first, you buy all the adorable baby outfits and don't worry about the number of buttons and snaps. Your second wears some hand-me-downs along with simple sleepers added to the rotation. By the time your third baby comes along, they're living in secondhand onesies and pajamas that provide easy diaper-changing access.
Someone Is Always Hungry or Thirsty With three kids, you learn to always be prepared with snacks and drinks. Whether you're nursing an infant, peeling oranges for a toddler or fetching crackers for a preschooler, someone always needs something. Usually when you’re using the restroom or are on the phone because #momlife.
Nature Never Stops Calling Have three children and maybe a pet, and you'll be constantly changing a diaper, taking someone to the potty or taking a fur baby out for a walk. No longer will anyone in the household be squeamish about poop—talking about it or cleaning it up.
Everyone Adjusts to the Chaos With three young children, you become accustomed to a minimum threshold of background noise. You accept that it will always be there and learn to tune it out. Fortunately, so do the children. Just wait to be amazed at how quickly baby number three will fall asleep despite older siblings' shouts, laughs and musical toys.
It’s an Instant Party With three kids, the party never ends. Scheduling playdates isn't as necessary because every single day is a playdate right at home. Bring three kids to a park or an event, and suddenly it’s a party. All the neighborhood kids come calling to play with one, two or all three of your children.
Cuddles Galore With three, you will never want for love. Eager arms are always outstretched and waiting to hug you, and you will constantly find a child or three snuggling into your side. Someone always wants to play with you, giggle with you or be held by you. It’s as heartwarming as it sounds and does wonders for the ego.
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Maximum Return on Investment With three kids, you ensure you get your money's worth on all the gear you've purchased. Clothes, strollers and toys all get passed down, eliminating the need to purchase much of anything for baby number three but diapers and new car seats when your current ones expire.
Built-in Teachers With your first, you are the model for everything your child learns to do. You teach and instruct and celebrate each milestone. But once you have two and three children, older siblings step in to help teach their younger siblings. Potty training a third? Leave it to the older kids and watch them pass on your wisdom.
You No Longer Sweat the Small Stuff Firstborn children tend to have every step carefully monitored for their safety. Second children get away with more as you're learning to divide your attention between two kids running in opposite directions. But by the time number three is born, you’ve realized kids are pretty resilient. Besides, you no longer have time to obsess over minor details. So all three children are given more latitude as you save your energy for what's truly important.
The Love Is Overwhelming This is really what it’s all about. Triple the love. Three times the hugs. Your heart bursts every time you look at all of your children together. You realize they'll always have each other, and you can't imagine your life without them and their amazing bond.
It’s been a time, hasn’t it? So much change, confusion, fear, isolation, loss, grief. Adults are exhausted—and while people take it on faith that “Children are resilient,” it’s actually not that simple. According to the CDC and the American Psychological Association, self-harm, depression and anxiety, and ER visits for mental health issues are all on the rise in children as young as six. Younger children are experiencing outbursts and regressive behaviors.
Fortunately, resilience skills can be learned and grow over a lifetime—and it’s never too early to start teaching! (In fact, we adults may even learn something in the process.)
Research shows that children who are resilient benefit from improved mental and emotional well-being and experience less stress. They are curious, courageous, and trust their own instincts. Resilience helps kids stay calm, learn from their mistakes, and remain optimistic. In short, resilience helps kids not just bounce back from adversity, but bounce forward, better than before.
So how do we teach young children to be resilient? Start with these 5 tips:
1. It only takes one loving grownup to make a difference—be that grownup.
You’re open to conversation with your child, and you listen without judgment. You reassure your child that all feelings are okay (even those outsized feelings that are so difficult for grownups to deal with!); it’s what you do with those feelings that counts. When you provide a loving, safe space for a child, this gives them a head start on resilience.
2. Model the resilient behavior you want your child to learn.
Children sometimes find this hard to believe, but let them know that you, too, make mistakes all the time! And when you do, you take a deep breath and try again. Let them see you remaining calm in a stressful or emotional situation—and talk about how you find productive solutions. Encourage them to ask questions and give them age-appropriate answers. Getting honest answers in a loving environment can help a child feel less helpless or scared.
3. Help children identify their feelings—and demonstrate strategies that put them in charge of their emotions.
Sometimes young children seem like a volcano of emotions: roiling and out of control. It can feel like that to them, too! Help them put names to these big feelings: anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear; even excitement or unbridled joy can sometimes go overboard! Use pictures in kids’ books to help them recognize facial expressions and body language that signal different emotions. Recognizing and labeling their own emotions and those of others is a key step toward developing empathy, which is critical for socialization.
Now teach them strategies for managing big emotions—let them know that they’re in charge and they can control their feelings! Take slow, deep breaths. Count to 10. Use positive self-talk in stressful situations: “I’m feeling calm,” or “I’m brave, I’m BRAVE!” Finally, if they’re feeling upset or afraid about terrible world events, teach them to “Look for the helpers”—every situation brings out the good people who want to help make it better.
4. Foster kids’ ability to solve problems for themselves.
There may be no better gift you can give a child than to offer a few problem-solving tips and then step back and let them figure out their own solutions. First, think positively: “I can do this!” Then, try breaking the problem into smaller, more manageable chunks. Have to tidy up a messy bedroom? Don’t try to tackle it all at once; first, put the clothes away, then the toys, then the books. Each completed mini-task creates a sense of accomplishment. Think about one good thing you’re learning from this problem (“I left my lunch at home today, but I won’t do that again: I’ll put up a sticky note tomorrow”). And remember: You can always ask for help if you need it!
5. Finally, encourage children to set goals for the future—and identify the steps it will take to get there.
Having a dream or an ambition is an important way for a child to learn to be resilient. By keeping their “eyes on the prize,” they can pick themselves up after stumbling because they have something to work toward and look forward to. Do they want to learn a new sport, improve existing skills, be a good artist, learn all about dinosaurs? Let them know they have the power to make that happen! Explain that each goal requires a series of smaller steps—just as when you read a book, you read one page at a time. Help them write down their goal and the steps they’re going to take to achieve it (take lessons, practice, take out books from the library). It will give them something positive to strive for.
Children have been through a lot these past couple of years—and they may not even realize how resilient they’ve already been. A great way to illustrate the power of resilience is to have them write or draw “The Story of Me”: telling the story of a hard time they endured and how they got through it.
This way, children can see their resilience in action, and know that they have the strength to get through any future challenges!
Denise Daniels,RN, MS and creator of the groundbreaking children’s brand The Moodsters is a Peabody award-winning journalist, author, and parenting and child-development expert dedicated to putting young children on the path to positive mental health. She created The Moodsters—five quirky little feelings detectives who solve the mysteries of emotions.
The Green Bay Packers game against the Chicago Bears looked a lot brighter this NFL season. On Sunday, Dec. 12, Packers’ running back Aaron Jones wore custom-designed cleats, in partnership with the Northwestern Mutual Foundation, to support children battling childhood cancer.
The special NFL program, “My Cause, My Cleats”, raises awareness and funding for causes that are near and dear to players’ hearts. Participating athletes sport a custom cleat design that represents their passions beyond the field on game day, then auction off the cleats at the NFL auction to raise proceeds for their selected charity.
Earlier this year, kids with cancer and their family members submitted their original hand-crafted designs for Aaron’s cleats, from which he personally selected his favorite. This year marks Aaron’s second time partnering with the Northwestern Mutual Foundation for the “My Cause, My Cleats” campaign to support and raise awareness for childhood cancer.
On November 13, Ashley Herman of Marshfield, Wis. was selected as the program’s winner. The 18-year-old cancer hero was invited to visit Lambeau Field in Green Bay with her mom, dad, brother and boyfriend, where Aaron surprised her with the news that he selected her design for his cleats.
“You’re definitely strong and resilient. Never stop fighting,” Aaron shared on a virtual call. “I want you to know that I’m in your corner forever.”
Ashley was surprised and delighted to speak with Aaron about her design and thought process behind the artwork. When selecting her design, Aaron was particularly drawn to the phrase “be the change” on the cleats—a phrase that stuck with Ashley throughout her treatment. “All it takes is one person,” Aaron told Ashley. “And now when I wear those cleats, everyone will see be the change.”
To top off the victory, Ashley was not only gifted a pair of her own custom cleats but also learned she and her family would attend the Packers’ game on December 12 to see her design in action.
Cleats designed by childhood cancer heroes seem to bring a little bit of magic to Aaron’s game. He scored back-to-back touchdowns in Ashley’s cleats to help boost the Packers’ to a 45-30 victory over the Chicago Bears, while, last year, he ran for his longest career touchdown in Ethan Haley’s cleats.
Finding Hope and Courage Through Art
Both art and sports played a large role in Ashley’s everyday life growing up. When she wasn’t in school, she would spend her time painting or sketching or playing volleyball for Columbus High School.
This past winter, however, Ashley was faced with news that would change her life. On Jan. 27, 2021, the Wisconsin native was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma—cancer that affects specialized white blood cells within the body’s immune system, which hinders it from defending against bacteria, parasites, or viruses.
Despite receiving this startling news, Ashley’s perpetual positive attitude kicked in and her first words to her doctors and families were, “okay, what do we do next.” Today, her cancer is in remission.
For Ashley, “My Cause, My Cleats” campaign means more than just winning. She plans to continue to share her story with others battling cancer to help them keep pushing forward and to encourage them to share their own experiences.
Aaron also hopes his participation with the Northwestern Mutual Foundation will inspire others to make a difference. The Foundation, which launched its Childhood Cancer Program in 2012, has worked vigorously to find better treatments and cures, provide family and patient support and offer aid to children who struggle with the long-term effects of treatment. Since its inception, the foundation has contributed over $35 million towards its mission and also funded more than 455,000 hours of research.
After a long and anxious wait, COVID-19 vaccines are now available for kids age 5 to 11. Getting young kids vaccinated is critical for protecting our communities, since this is a large age group, and taking this step will give millions of parents peace of mind.
Paul Lewis, MD, a Kaiser Permanente pediatrician in Portland, Oregon, who specializes in infections in kids, says that as winter and the holidays approach, this is a good time to get kids vaccinated. He suggests using the COVID-19 vaccine authorization as an opportunity to get kids caught up on other vaccinations as well, since many people have fallen behind on regular appointments during the last 18 months. He also suggests that all children over 6 months old get their flu shot this year. Fortunately, he says, it’s no problem to get both shots at the same time.
We know parents, caregivers, and others may have questions about the safety of the pediatric COVID-19 vaccine. In this Q&A, Dr. Lewis answers common questions about it.
How well does the COVID-19 vaccine work for kids?
For kids under 12, the COVID-19 vaccine is incredibly effective. A recent study, affirmed by the Food and Drug Administration, that included more than 3,000 kids who got the pediatric dose of the vaccine found that it was more than 90% effective at preventing infection with symptoms.
How does the vaccine for children 5 to 11 differ from the vaccine for people 12 and older?
The pediatric vaccine is identical to the vaccine that’s used for older teenagers and adults, but the dose is one-third of the adult dose. That dosage was chosen because it was just as effective at providing protective antibodies but had a much lower rate of side effects.
What are the most common side effects?
Of the thousands of kids who were part of that recent study, zero had serious adverse events. Some kids get sore arms, redness or swelling, and a smaller percentage might get fatigue, muscle aches or fever. But they’re getting side effects at lower rates than teenagers and adults.
What is the risk of myocarditis?
Myocarditis, or inflammation of the heart, has occurred in young men who’ve been vaccinated but is pretty rare, with a handful of cases per million vaccination doses. Many cardiologists think that, since this is generally more common in teenagers than school-age kids, it’ll be less common after vaccination as well.
If my child has underlying health conditions, should I go ahead with vaccination?
Studies on this are ongoing. We know that older adolescents and adults with immunocompromised conditions or on immunosuppressive medications respond less well to vaccination, but they do respond. We also know that if they get COVID-19, they’re more likely to have worse outcomes, including needing hospitalization and intensive care. If someone has an underlying condition, such as an immunosuppressive condition, diabetes, heart disease or lung disease, we recommend getting an age-appropriate vaccine.
If my child is used to wearing a mask, can’t I just rely on that for prevention?
Social distancing and wearing masks are important layers of protection, but they are hard to continue day after day, especially for kids at recess or at lunch. So the vaccine is a big, thick layer of protection to help with all those other measures, and people should use them together.
How should I prepare my child for a vaccination appointment?
I’ve never met a kid who wanted to get a shot, but kids are resilient. You can help by explaining that you’ve been vaccinated and, while it does hurt, the pain goes away quickly and you’re there for them. At Kaiser Permanente vaccination sites, there will be people who are used to dealing with children and who know that there is a lot of emotion and fear. Kaiser Permanente staff and parents can work together to make it a minor experience for kids.
Is there anything you can do to help reduce the pain that happens in the arm after getting the vaccine? Does heat or cold compresses work better?
I don’t know of any magic or comparison between heat and cold. My advice to parents would be to avoid focusing on it; it is not much different than any other injection- actually smaller in volume. Use acetaminophen or ibuprofen if you normally would for the degree of pain.
My son keeps taking his mask off during recess at school, is he safe since he’s outside?
Different states and different school districts have varying policies on using masks outside. In general, the risk of getting COVID outside is MUCH less than in any indoor setting. Please try to follow the school’s rules—they are doing there best in a difficult situation and parents can help by being supportive
I know the CDC says it’s safe to get both the flu vaccine at the same time as the covid vaccine, but as a pediatrician would you recommend waiting a week or two in between those vaccines?
Simultaneous vaccines are recommended because it is hard for individuals and families to make multiple appointments or to fit multiple visits into their schedules. I got mine together last week!
Are there any over the counter medications that my child should or should not take right after getting the vaccine?
CDC recommends not taking OTCs unless you need them for symptom management.
I have a 17 year old son with a heart murmur and a left ventricular bundle branch block, is he at a higher risk for Myocarditis with the vaccine?
Hard question, but I would check with his cardiologist who knows his case the best.
I have a child with a compromised immune system; with the new variant heading to the US, should I consider homeschooling during the winter months?
We will know much more about the new variant by January. It is not yet widespread enough in the US to worry and when school starts again after New Years we should know more about the risk to vaccinated and unvaccinated kids.
Do you have an estimated timeline of when kids under 5 will be approved for the vaccine?
Hard to make a guarantee but hopefully by spring of 2022.
Like so many other events this year, this holiday season will be filled with tough choices and changes for families.
The good news is that the holidays are also a time when gratitude is at the forefront and it has been proven that focusing on positive emotions and spending quality family time together can help kids and adults be resilient through tough times. Simply put, if we focus on the good things we have in our life, we will discover so much to be grateful for this year.
As adults, we can recognize that there is always something to be grateful for, but children often forget all the things they already have that make them happy. Luckily, Thanksgiving offers a perfect opportunity to reflect as a family, and this period of staying at home provides plenty of time to help develop your child’s attitude of gratitude.
I asked Sandra Graham, our Director of Training at Kiddie Academy, for her best gratitude tips. Here are some ways she suggested to get your children started on practicing gratitude:
1. Start a gratitude notebook. Have your child write a note or draw a picture of something they’re thankful for each day. Ask your child to be specific and the more they pay attention to details, the more they’ll start to notice the positive things in their life.
2. Make a gratitude chain. This fun activity gets the whole family involved. Set up an area with precut construction paper strips, markers, and tape in your home. Ask family members to pause every time they walk by to jot down something they’re grateful for and then fasten it as a link on the chain.
3. Write or draw Thanksgiving cards. If your child is sad about not getting to see a family member or friend this holiday season, channeling it into writing or art can be soothing for them and a sweet surprise for the recipient.
4. Practice mindfulness. Live in the moment and be present in your surroundings. Stop, breathe and be grateful for everything in your world.
5. Make “thanks” calls. Sit down with your child and make a list of people who’ve done something nice for them lately. Then set aside time on Thanksgiving for your child to call and say thank you.
6. Send virtual care packages. Social distancing and self-quarantining means you can’t get together to hug but your child can send the next best thing: a bunch of photos and a funny video that will make someone smile.
7. Decorate the front yard with thank-you signs. From essential workers and healthcare heroes to teachers and neighbors, a lot of people deserve a special thank you. Get your child involved in drawing or painting signs to decorate your yard this Thanksgiving season.
8. Take gratitude walks. While you walk, look for the simple pleasures in the day, such as the clouds in the sky or the birds singing and express appreciation for them. Use this time to ask your kids what they are grateful for.
9. Try a twist on kindness rocks. Have your child paint rocks with images and messages that inspire gratitude. On Thanksgiving Day, take a walk to work off that turkey and set the rocks in special places to surprise others on their walk.
10. Find a way to give back. Talk to your child about the causes that matter to them, and the people or things in the community that they’d like to help. Reach out to organizations to see how you can give back, whether that’s donating or volunteering in a way that’s safe during COVID-19.
Yes, this pandemic holiday season may have its challenges but with some resilience and a grateful attitude, your family can still put the “thanks” in Thanksgiving. You maybe even create a new gratitude habit that will help your child grow up seeing the sunny side of life.
Richard Peterson has over 20 years of experience in early childhood education where he has been involved with the direct and indirect instruction of students. As the Chief Academic Officer, Peterson provides daily support to the Kiddie Academy education department in the areas of curriculum, assessment, training and more.
Growing girls will see more than 3,000 images each day on their social media platforms. Every day, they will view perfect, polished, filtered pictures showing them what beauty should look like and they will conclude this: their body needs to change—to become skinnier, fitter, sexier, younger, and more beautiful.
It is no wonder that research tells us that 70% of girls feel so badly about their looks they are withdrawing from life by avoiding activities, cancelling plans, and refusing to speak up in class. 90% of girls polled wanted to change some aspect of their bodies. 13% admitted to having an eating disorder. Theses statistics are concerning to me, not surprising. Let’s dive in deeper.
The problem is not with girls’ bodies. Their bodies are not broken; nor do they need fixing. Society’s emphasis on appearance and impossibly high standards of beauty is the real culprit. The billion-dollar beauty industry profits from little girls who feel ugly, fat, or not good enough. Furthermore, our cultural conditioning has taught us to focus on and obsess over appearance at all costs. The result? Growing girls are feeling deeply dissatisfied with their unique shape and size at the price of their self-worth.
I am sure you are as concerned as I am. That’s why I talk to girls about true beauty and what makes them feel good about themselves. True beauty, the essence of who she is and what makes her unique is a concept girls do “get” though they admit it is sometimes hard to remember.
Some girls told me they feel truly beautiful when they “like myself for who I am” while others let me know that they love when they are “honest about my feelings.” Turns out, girls know it isn’t only about what they look like and that feeling good is an inside job. They told me they struggled to feel beautiful and, yes, there were fitting room meltdowns when they tried on new jeans and needed a bigger size or when they decided not to go out with friends for pizza because they didn’t feel pretty enough compared to the other girls. Girls admitted they wanted to feel good, but they just don’t know how. Here are six ideas you can try to help her feel truly beautiful:
1. Talk about what YOU do to feel beautiful. You can counter the noise of society, the beauty industry, and her social media feeds with your ideas, insights, and wisdom. Tell her how you pamper yourself with a bubble bath and a good book, or move your body in your favorite ways, or eat a plant-based diet with occasional indulgences.
2. Ask her what she loves most and least about her body. Help her find a balance of what she appreciates most such as her hazel eyes or her delicate feet and what she is dissatisfied with such as her curvy hips or her flat chest. Whatever she shares, meet her with your understanding and empathy: “Yes, I understand how you are feeling.”
3. Teach her to practice daily self-care. There is more than enough focus her appearance and how she looks; let’s shift her focus to how she feels from the inside out and empower her to create positive feelings. She could choose to: listen or play music, create some art, prepare a nutritious meal, get out to enjoy nature, play with pets or give some TLC to her skin, nails, or hair. Explain that she is responsible for feeling good about herself.
4. Give her process praise rather than appearance praise to help her embrace her true self. It’s all too easy to pay attention to what she looks like by saying, “You look so pretty” or “I love your outfit.” Instead, try commenting on her effort, like “You are putting in so much time fine tuning your science project. Bravo!” or “I love how you are creating a diversity of friends you enjoy hanging out with.” Or “Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with me.”
5. Look for positive and healthy role models for her to follow (celebrities, influencers, and friends). This is a challenge because we never know if what we see is what we get. Her choices may look beautiful but are they beautiful people? Ask her what she thinks contributes to this person’s beautiful self. Make sure she’s considering people who are beautiful in many ways—socially, spiritually, emotionally, and philanthropically, not just physically.
6. Educate her on social media and perfect and polished pictures that are NOT REAL. Girls need to be reminded how edited and filtered posts can be and that we will never see the outtakes or behind the scenes efforts. If she is easily triggered by what she sees, she can stop looking. And let’s encourage her to do what she can online—be her most authentic self.
Girls want to look beautiful. Girls also want to feel beautiful. I am convinced that with the emphasis on true beauty—her qualities, talents, skills, passions, hopes, and dreams, she can be beautiful from the inside out.
—Lindsay Sealey, MA Ed. is an educator, speaker, consultant, and author of Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible. She is the founder and CEO of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys.
I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy.
It’s August and school is upon us! Last year was just about the weirdest year ever for our kids, so this fall might feel a little intimidating or scary for some little ones. The good news? Kids are resilient and strong, but it makes total sense that they might have a lot of big feelings associated with being back in the classroom. Here are five creative ideas that might be helpful to ease the back-to-school transition:
1. Act It Out
If kids are nervous about going back to school, try roll play! First, act out what the first day of school might actually be like, then try the OTT version (Over the Top) where everything is silly and exaggerated. Try switching rolls. You can be the teacher and your child can be the student and then switch!
2. Draw It Out
Help kids feel ownership of their back-to-school process with an art project to decorate a new lunch box or a backpack. Using glitter glue pens or fabric markers give kids the freedom to go to town on an item they will be bringing with them to school. This gives them a sense of control and helps them bring their own unique perspective and artistic voice into an otherwise unfamiliar situation.
3. Play It Out
Kids need practice reading other people’s emotions—particularly with masks. Remind them of the importance of using their eyes to express and read emotions. Practice “HAPPY” “SAD” “ANGRY” and “SILLY” eyes. Make it into a game and see if you can guess each other’s emotions.
4. Talk It Out
Let your story be their school super power. Tell them the story of your first day of school or a memorable moment from your childhood at school with this framework:
A LONG TIME AGO, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD A HARD TIME WITH ___________ .
I FELT ___________ WHEN I WAS GOING TO ___________.
I TOOK MY DEEP BREATHS AND I __________.
IT WAS SCARY AT FIRST, BUT THEN I REALIZED ______________.
5. Dance It Out
Do you walk to school? How about dancing to school instead? Take turns leading different silly dance moves as you walk. Bonus: play some fun music on your phone as you go! Not walking, but driving? No problem, use arm-dancing that you can do SAFELY while driving!
Whatever you choose to do, keep in mind that the more creative play and imagination you can bring to the back to school process, the more your kids will have opportunities for laughter and joy! Laughter is proven to reduce anxiety and stress and, I think we all could use a little of that this fall.
Nina Meehan is CEO and Founder Bay Area Children's Theatre and the host of the Creative Parenting Podcast. An internationally recognized expert in youth development through the arts, Nina nurtures innovation by fostering creative thinking. She is mom to Toby (13), Robby (10) and Meadow (5).
We all want our kids to grow up to become happy adults. But what is happiness? A fulfilling relationship with a partner? A rewarding, high-paying job? Close friends? Good health? A helluva sale on your favorite Trader Joes Pinot?
“Happiness is an achievement,” read the teabag tag on my recent cup of Blackberry Apple Cider Digestive Awakening tea. The idea that happiness doesn’t just happen to people is common sense, of course. Our collective experience shows us that life is a series of struggles, some small and some not so small. Rest assured, a costly ding to your bumper waits just around the next bend. Or news of an irregular Pap smear. Or a poke in the eye.
Happiness is a game of hide and seek—a search for joy underneath the bed and behind closed closet doors. It’s the struggle to overcome addictions. It’s the challenge to make peace with that which you cannot change. It’s figuring out how to appreciate the goodness in your life in spite of the pain. No matter what it is for you, it’s a freaking beast to get there.
So if we all know that happiness is not something that exists in a vacuum without problems, if we all know happiness takes work, why don’t more people put in the effort to achieve it? And that’s not to say everyone I know is miserable, but if happiness comes to us through effort, why not work hard to get more of it? Why be happy only on the weekends? Or only when your team wins the playoffs? Why not be happy most of the time?
As it turns out, the personal qualities that make us “happy” in life, are the same things that make us “resilient.” Gratitude, optimism, self-regulation, empathy, healthy habits like exercise and eating well. The work of happiness is also the work of resilience. And we know resilience is no fun—it means problems. Sure, you’re overcoming those problems, but they’re still problems.
Interestingly enough, research shows that when we’re happy, we become better at working hard at healthy pursuits and creating the mental patterns that make us happy.
Did ya get that?
Put in the effort to get happy and getting happy will make you want to put in the effort.
So what do you teach your kids to prepare them for the happiness slog? What’s the overarching message that is going to make your child want to do the work to be both happy and resilient?
Perhaps it’s simple.
Maybe it’s just TRY. Put in the effort. Work hard.
Work hard at school. Work hard in the professional world. Work hard to resist getting on social media when you’ve already been on it for an hour. Work hard to get your meds right and take them if you need them. Work hard to eat broccoli, when you’d rather feast on Mesquite Barbecue Lays. Work hard to connect with others even if that’s just talking to the sales clerk at the gas station. Heck, work hard to take time off working hard; work hard at self-care and relaxation. And teach your kids it ain’t easy. Don’t expect it to be.
After all, happiness is an achievement. Teabags don’t lie.
After losing a brother to suicide, Devin Tomiak was driven to understand youth resiliency. Her personal mission to strengthen her relationship with her children, develop their emotional intelligence, and improve the communication skills of her whole family led her to create The Biggies Conversation Cards for elementary-aged kids.
