The days following Halloween mark a celebration of skeletal proportions: Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead
Celebrated throughout the Americas, Dia de los Muertos originated in Mexico, and kids will recognize the iconic sugar skull as a symbol. Your town or neighborhood may host a celebration, but not everyone knows the meaning behind it. Teach your kids about this uplifting celebration of life with these Day of the Dead facts.
Days & Day of the Dead Facts
Amber Guetebier
The Day of the Dead holiday is actually two days, held consecutively: Nov. 1 is marked as a day to honor lost children, as well as any lost or forgotten souls. Nov. 2, Day of the Dead official, honors all lost ancestors and loved ones. The week preceding (and sometimes longer) is spent in preparation for the big night which often culminates in a procession to the town cemetery or a central place where altars have been erected. Families gather together and spend hours making floral arrangements, baking food and sweets for the dead, and decorating. Altars are built at home, on graves, and in many community parks and schoolyards. It's no accident that this all takes place during the time of year when nights grow longer. It is believed that during these two days, the veil between the world of the living and dead is thinner and so it's easier for the dead to arrive. Not unlike the original story behind Halloween.
Day of the Dead Facts: A Dead Man’s Party
The idea is not as somber as it may at first sound: in fact, many believe the dead would be insulted by sadness! The tradition of celebrating the life of those who have died is invoked with colorful costumes and masks, parades, parties, and more. At the center of it all is the ofrenda, or offering to the dead. The altars can be simple or elaborate (usually more elaborate) but almost always contain flowers, favorite foods of the dead, including the traditional pan de muerto, photographs, and small relics or objects of the dead (a favorite necklace or pen, for example), sugar skulls and candles.
Here's an interesting Day of the Dead fact: Sugar skulls, in spite of how delicious they look, are generally not consumed (more than one toddler has tried them). Made from a mixture of meringue/powdered egg whites, white sugar, and a little bit of water, they are formed into the shapes of skulls by hand. You can also buy awesome molds (and all the supplies you need, plus great tutorials) here.
How to Make an Ofrenda for Dia de los Muertos
You can make your own family altar with the kids. Gather up a picture or pictures of someone you have lost, and place them on a table or shelf. Have the kids help you arrange some flowers, or head out into the yard or a park to find a few things for the offering: acorns, beautiful leaves, and a pretty stone. Make some cookies and leave one for your loved one. Light a candle. It's an easy and beautiful way to remember someone and teach your kids the story behind Day of the Dead.
All photos by the author were taken during Day of the Dead in Michoacán, Mexico.
It’s no secret that a mobile baby is a busy baby, and a busy baby is a happy baby. But if the crawling, creeping and scooting hasn’t yet begun, there are still plenty of ways to engage with your little one—and have a little fun yourself. Here are our favorite ideas for infant games you can play with your stationary sweetie.
1. Bubble Blowout
Something about the rainbow swirls and fanciful movements are endlessly alluring for babies and grown-ups alike. An inexpensive bottle of bubbles—or the homemade variety, if you prefer—will keep your mini-me fixated and, depending on age, may allow your child to exercise hand-eye coordination, too, as he tries to grasp at the floating orbs.
2. Song Sesh
There are plenty of studies showing that babies recognize and respond to human voices—especially their mama—but did you know that researchers have found that babies can hear and remember music even while in the womb? And that they enjoy concerts as much as their parents? It’s no surprise, then, that songs (especially when sung by mom!) are a sure thing when it comes to entertaining your wee one.
While lullabies are great for setting the mood for bedtime, more upbeat tempos are better at keeping baby amused during wakeful hours. To really capture your little one’s attention, choose interactive songs that include motions or silly sounds. (Think: sneezing, animal sounds, or surprise responses, like “peek-a-boo!”) Make up the lyrics as you go, or stick with tried-and-true classics like “Wheels on the Bus” or “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”
Babies who haven’t mastered the art of being on the move just yet still do plenty of kicking and squirming. Keep your squirmy worm endlessly entertained by tying a helium balloon to their foot. Your baby will love watching the colorful balloon bounce above them in response to their movements, and you’ll love watching this newfound excitement.
Let’s be real. There’s only so much excitement that can happen indoors. A simple change of scenery can do wonders in keeping a non-mobile baby entertained, and getting outside your usual four walls into the fresh air and sunshine can soothe even the crankiest infant. Get in a few minutes of tummy time by positioning baby on the edge of a blanket to explore the grass. Or simply lay back together and watch the leaves swaying peacefully in the wind or the clouds floating by.
5. Master Mimicry
While the jury is still out on how early babies can mimic adult gestures, expressions, and sounds, what we do know is that infants benefit from intentional face-to-face interaction at every age. Bond with your baby by focusing on maintaining eye-to-eye contact (that means putting that distracting smartphone aside!) and exchanging facial expressions, such as sticking out your tongue, wrinkling your nose, or showing various emotions, from surprise to sadness. These interactions will not only result in cognitive benefits for baby, but you’ll both enjoy the intentional one-on-one time.
If you’ve had your fill of reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear for the day, give baby a mini art tour through your own home. Carry baby around and show them the photographs or paintings that grace your walls. If you have family pictures or portraits, tell baby about the people in the photo. If abstract art is more your thing, point out the colors and shapes.
7. Hands On
There’s a reason why simple games like “This Little Piggie” elicit baby smiles and giggles over and over again. Combining the cadence of rhymes with physical interaction is a guaranteed win when it comes to keeping little ones amused. Our favorites include actions that point to baby’s body parts (eyes, nose, fingers, feet, tummy), and offer a gentle tickle where appropriate. If you need a refresher course on rhymes, a simple Google search for “action rhymes for babies” will offer lots of inspiration.
Dear Day Camp, Hi. I want to say right off the bat that we are cool. I like and need you. Because you take my complicated, sensitive kid every day, and then she comes home later, and she did things, and she was safe and happy. You must be doing something right.
But I have a request. Please, please be a true partner to working parents and stop with the crazy hat days. Or, more realistically, go crazy with crazy hat days and any other silly accessories—I’ll even donate that questionable furry purple stole thing that keeps falling on me when I try to get stuff out of the top of my closet—but please don’t make it another to-do for me.
Because no matter how many e-mail reminders you send during the days leading up to these cute spirit activities, it is a mathematical certainty that some of us just won’t be able to get it done and our children will be left out, wondering why their parents overlooked them. For all the articles about the invisible mental load, this one is not invisible at all, and it needs to be addressed.
Crazy hat day is “hey, let’s see if moms can handle another thing” day. Well, today I couldn’t. And I don’t need to see the sad photos to know that many other moms (and dads) couldn’t, either.
Today wasn’t a surprise. I knew crazy hat day was today. At least three days ago, I saw the e-mail pop up as I was responding to the latest midday text from a caregiver in between meetings at work, asking about someone’s eczema cream or where the velcro shoes were. I knew somewhere in my brain that my 5-year-old would go to camp today, and if she didn’t have a crazy hat packed in her bag, she would arrive and feel slighted and left out when all the other kids produced their lovingly packed crazy hats. And I still couldn’t get it done.
Not because I didn’t want to. But because my brain, and my partner’s brain, simply ran out of RAM to keep it on the to-do list. Or maybe we simply ran out of time. As two practicing attorneys with two children, every single day is an exercise in triage, all day, at work and at home. It is difficult to even find the time to register for camp—which we rely on as a critical piece of our childcare in the summer months.
And then to get the health records in. And label the clothes. And find a way to ensure that no one goes into camp without sunblock on. None of these tasks, individually, seems too daunting. But for parents who work literally around the clock, they are collectively oppressive. We get them done (just barely and only because my husband is aces) because if you want camp, you get the vaccine records in—that is non-negotiable for safety. No issue there.
But what about all the extra stuff. Why is that on me/us? (I am lucky, I think, that my partner even feels responsible for these extra assignments—I suspect most mothers are on their own. There’s definitely data on that.)
The point is, we pay good money to have our children loved and safely cared for during the day. And then we do all the things to make sure they can attend. And then we set up the system for the various supplies and accouterments to go with them in the camp routine and for someone to be home when they get off the bus and all that jazz.
Is it too much to ask not to be handed nearly daily extra assignments that are ultimately just more opportunities for us to drop the ball? Because we will. I will.
Sure, I could have spent some of the two whole hours I had free on Sunday locating or shopping for a “crazy” hat. But those are the only two hours I had to actually spend time with my babies whom I love and try hard not to disappoint when I can avoid it. I chose to use that time to bathe them, make them terrible grilled cheese (you use butter on the inside and outside, right?), and do bedtime with them—which is only even an option for me two days per week.
However, in choosing to spend the time that way, I was also, subconsciously, making a choice to screw my kid at camp today. And that just sucks.
Unfortunately, disappointing my children is part and parcel of my existence as a working mother. I often have to do other things when they want (and need) my attention and love. Work things. Things that are necessary for our livelihood.
But it doesn’t make sense that I am paying others to manufacture more opportunities for disappointments. I have gotten very good at letting my children down all on my own—and for free. I want—no, I need—the others in the village I have constructed to help me rear my children to minimize those opportunities for sadness and let-downs, not add to them.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not down on camp. I loved it as a child, and I get why they do all these fun spirit things. My kids are enjoying their experiences at camp, and I am sincerely grateful for the peace of mind it affords me to know that my kids are safe and happy when I cannot be with them because we have a mortgage.
But few things are as crushing to a mother, who is killing herself to pay the bills and also find some time to actually sit with her children and love them in person, as seeing a photo of her daughter watching quietly from the side while the other kids revel in front of the camera with their crazy hats.
When I saw it posted on social media, I wanted to run out of my office and drive to camp and hug her and explain to her that she isn’t an oversight. That I don’t not care about sending her to camp with the right stuff. I care so much.
Please, camp. Help me not fail at this one. I’m not asking you to cancel crazy hat day or whatever other crazy days are coming up that require supplies. It looks like great fun for the kids whose mothers (and fathers) managed to get it together.
But I am asking you to understand that I got home after 1 a.m. last night, and I didn’t see my children this morning, either. And under the current setup, I simply don’t stand a chance.
My household cannot take on any more things, and we need you to be a real partner in our children’s happiness, not working against us (knowingly or not).
And if that means we pay a little more for camp and you take that cash and send out a counselor to buy whatever colored shirts or armbands you need to stick in a closet somewhere so that I never have to see that look on my daughter’s face in a camp photo again, I will gladly do so.
I’ll make the same plea to my kids’ teachers in September, too. I’m happy to contribute extra up front—I hereby authorize you to spend all of it on trips and party snacks to avoid breaking my child’s soul and my heart at 2 p.m. on a random Tuesday.
Also, while I’m focused on this. Please put me down now for all of the 8:15 p.m. parent-teacher conference slots and know that Grandma is coming to all the parties at 11:15 a.m. Sounds funny but she’s really coming to all of those. I may not even meet you this year. And not because I don’t want to.
💔
The full version of this post was originally published on @mamasaidf.
People born in June fall under both the Gemini or Cancer zodiac sign
If your kiddo was born in the sixth month of the year, you already know that people born in June are outgoing, charming, and creative. And even though they can be more than a handful sometimes, June babies tend to grow up to be healthy, cheerfully optimistic people. Discover more characteristics and fun facts about June babies, including exactly which precious gem is June’s birthstone.
1. June people are healthier and more optimistic. According to a study published in Heliyon, summer-born babies are more likely to grow up to be healthy adults. Researchers theorize that greater exposure to sunlight and higher vitamin D exposure leads to better overall well-being.
2. Summer people are expressive and quick-witted, but can also have a dark side. Characteristics shared by many Geminis are sociability, excellent communication skills, and an always-ready-for-fun attitude. But like all Geminis who can possess two different personalities in one, June-born people can turn from fun-loving to super-serious and thoughtful without notice.
3. Most people born in June are Geminis, the social butterfly sign in the zodiac. These quick-witted passionate people are comfortable talking to anyone about anything.
4. Imagination rules for June-born Geminis. Thanks to their co-ruling planets, Venus and Uranus, June-born Geminis rarely are at a loss for ideas. Their imaginations rule them and can always be counted on to devise clever solutions to even the most complex problems.
4. Summer-born babies are happy ... Science has found that the season of one’s birth can have a lifelong impact on moods, and babies born in the summer months—from June through August—are shown to be the least susceptible to sadness brought on by seasonal affective disorders.
5. June's birthstone is a pearl, which represents innocence and purity.
6. June babies are giving and forgiving. Most people born in June fall under the sign of Gemini, which means they frequently see both sides of an argument. As a result, June-born people are forgiving and generous. Their Gemini-ness, however, means that they also can be indecisive.
8. There are plenty of celebrities with June birthdays. People born in the sixth month of the year share their birth month with celebrities like Natalie Portman, Morgan Freeman, Meryl Streep, Kendrick Lamar, Anderson Cooper, Liam Neeson, Michael Cera, and more.
You’re raising your girl to be responsible for what she says and does and to know when and how to give a sincere apology when she messes up. But is she apologizing more than she needs to?
Studies show women are more likely than men to presume they were in the wrong or think their own actions might have upset someone, and those patterns start early. There could be many reasons for this, but some think girls and women are quick to apologize because they’re taught to “keep the peace” and be nurturers who put the emotional wellbeing and happiness of others first.
So often, girls and women start talking by saying, “I’m sorry, but I feel like [fill in the blank]”—and that sentence structure can literally become a habit. The problem? When your girl apologizes for something that wasn’t her fault, others might start to see her as someone who is at fault. Someone whose shortcomings inconvenience others, even if that’s far from the case.
Read this list from Girl Scouts with your girl, and remind her that although it’s important to make amends when she’s truly done something wrong, apologizing when she hasn’t can undermine how others see her and damage her self-worth.
There’s No Need to Say “Sorry”…
1. When someone bumps into her. She has just as much of a right to take up space in this world as anyone else.
2. When she tried her best. Maybe she didn’t win the science fair or make the basketball team, and that’s OK. Nobody’s perfect.
3. When she’s not feeling well, even if it messes up plans for others. It’s not like she went around looking for germs. Help her focus on getting better instead of apologizing.
4. For leaving when someone makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. One of the most important things to explain to your girl is that she doesn’t need to “be polite” or stay in the same vicinity as someone who makes her feel uncomfortable or unsafe. She just needs to get out of there and tell a caring adult as fast as possible.
5. For her feelings. Some might be uncomfortable with your girl’s anger, sadness, or disappointment, but that doesn’t mean those feelings are bad or wrong.
6. For sticking up for herself. It takes guts to take a stand and defend yourself or others against bullies. Doing the right thing is never something to apologize for.
7. For having high expectations. Expecting the people in her life to follow through and keep their word isn’t a crime.
8. For setting boundaries. Whether a friend wants to cheat off her homework or someone is invading her personal space, she has every right to say no.
9. For sharing knowledge. Knowing her stuff and using the information to help others is awesome. Someone else’s insecurity is not your girl’s problem.
10. For her appearance. Who does she get dressed for in the morning? Herself. If others don’t like it, that’s fine.
So what can she say instead of sorry? Tell your girl to start by saying how she’s feeling in short, declarative sentences. So instead of “I’m sorry, I have a question,” she could say, “I have a question.” Skipping the apology doesn’t make her rude—in fact, it puts apologies back in their rightful role as a way to make amends when she’s actually done something hurtful or wrong.
Stress to your girl the importance of speaking with intention. Apologizing for no reason or when she’s not at fault dilutes the sentiment. Have her save it for when it counts. When it’s heartfelt and for the right reasons, the power of “sorry” will be more meaningful both to her and to the person on the receiving end!
Raising girls to be happy, healthy, and successful is simpler than ever with help from Girl Scouts. From knowing how much to help with her homework to navigating sensitive issues in the news with your family, we've got everything you need to raise girls with confidence.
Wedged between homework and fundraising forms in the kindergarten folder was a letter to parents: It advised us of an upcoming active shooter response drill. Words like armed intruder spread across sentences on school letterhead detailing the session for students. The following week, stuffed between readers, handwriting and math practice papers was a new note addressing the tragedy at the Tree of Life Synagogue, outlining activities the children would participate in to honor first responders and victims of the tragic event.
I found myself staring at the school papers, formulating a dialogue in my mind. A conversation difficult for adults alone, but now necessary to have with my daughter.
We cover things quickly—I’m lucky to get this five-year-old to sit and focus for just a few minutes. We discuss the ALICE acronym (alert, lockdown, inform, counter, evacuate), and she tells me what she’s responsible for during the event of an active shooting: “We run and hide, throw things at the bad guy and get out.” My stomach turns. Our local police officers equipped with firearms were unable to fully protect themselves from bullets sprayed by the shooter who injured and killed innocent people near Mr. Rogers’ real-life neighborhood—a tight-knit community located across a few steel bridges from us.
This talk is tough. I let her take the lead and let me know what she learned, chiming in with my own what would you do scenario. The most important element I ask my child to take away from our conversation is to always be aware of your surroundings. This message I will ingrain in her mind every time we arrive in a public place. “Look for exits and identify a quick and easy way out in case of emergency. Be aware of where you’re sitting, and if possible, never have your back to the main entrance.” Unsettling, right?
Our conversation isn’t long. She wants a snack and some crayons to color, bored by my big words and requests to repeat after me.
Hearts are heavy, and it’s hard not to notice the sadness surrounding the city of Pittsburgh. I’m shaken knowing my little girl is at school, bowing her head on the playground in a moment of silence. I’m unsure if she fully understands what is going on—reoccurring acts of gun violence are forcing her to grow up too soon.
Our children are being trained to defend themselves. The ALICE acronym is now as important as the ABCs. Our little ones are learning survival skills to run, hide and fight for their lives because dangerous people are hurting others with automatic weapons laws protect.
No matter how much we are divided on politics and personal rights, it’s small acts of kindness that cement us. Writing thank-you notes to first responders, delivering sympathy cards to family members grieving lost ones and donating blood to victims of gun violence show we love and support one another and the communities we live in. For those taking a stand against the evil of intolerance and hate growing around us at an alarming rate, I cannot help but think of Pat Benatar’s song “Invincible.” The battle cry chorus reminds me of every one of us echoing we are #StrongerThanHate.
“We can’t afford to be innocent / Stand up and face the enemy / It’s a do or die situation / We will be invincible.”
As managing director of two children—19-months apart in age on purpose—Sara has hands-on experience in human development, specializing in potty pushing, breaking up baby fights and wrestling kids into car seats. When there's a moment to look away, she's writing for the web, blogging and building websites.
Some days we wish we could escape on a shiny red trolley to the Neighborhood of Make-believe, where a kind-hearted man in a zip-up sweater explains away all the scary things happening in the world. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood when you remember these important words of wisdom. Read on for some of our favorite Fred Rogers quotes about kindness, compassion and empathy.
"Most of us, I believe, admire strength. It's something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength and other words--like aggression and even violence. Real strength is neither male nor female; but is, quite simply, one of the finest characteristics that any human being can possess."
"A high school student wrote to ask, 'What was the greatest event in American history?' I can't say. However, I suspect that like so many 'great' events, it was something very simple and very quiet with little or no fanfare (such as someone forgiving someone else for a deep hurt that eventually changed the course of history). The really important 'great' things are never center stage of life's dramas; they're always 'in the wings.' That's why it's so essential for us to be mindful of the humble and the deep rather than the flashy and the superficial."
3. Fred Rogers on Humankind
"One of the greatest dignities of humankind is that each successive generation is invested in the welfare of each new generation."
4. Fred Rogers on Forgiveness
"Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life's important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives."
5. Fred Rogers on Sharing Responsibility
"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."
6. Fred Rogers on Seeing Scary Things on the News
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers--so many caring people in this world."
7. Fred Rogers on Saying "Yes"
"I hope you're proud of yourself for the times you've said 'yes,' when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly helpful only to somebody else."
8. Fred Rogers on Embracing Our Feelings
"There's no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings."
9. Fred Rogers on Facing Sadness & Anger
"Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it."
10. Fred Rogers on What Makes Us Special
"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has—or ever will have—something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression."
11. Fred Rogers on Love
"Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."
12. Fred Rogers on Being True to Yourself
"One of the greatest gifts you can give anybody is the gift of your honest self. I also believe that kids can spot a phony a mile away."
13. Fred Rogers on What Matters Most
"What matters isn't how a person's inner life finally puts together the alphabet and numbers of his outer life. What really matters is whether he uses the alphabet for the declaration of a war or the description of a sunrise--his numbers for the final count at Buchenwald or the specifics of a brand-new bridge."
Now head out into the world and make a snappy new day for yourself.
Over the past two years, the ongoing global pandemic has impacted all of us differently. And while it’s hard to speak to its effects in specific ways, there’s a universal truth we all can agree on: this pandemic stinks.
Parents are tired of all of it, kids are sick of the constant shifts in their environments and schools are overwhelmed with the task of supporting students through all these transitions and changes.
To provide some guidance, we’re highlighting a few of the common experiences and challenges that children and families are dealing with these days. And with the intention of supporting this community with a little clarity, we’re sharing a few ideas to help you cope.
When It Comes to Grief & Loss:
The Issue: Some people may have experienced the death of a loved one during the pandemic. A significant loss such as this impacts mental health and wellness and disrupts a family’s life. However, it’s also important to acknowledge the other types of loss that people may have experienced during this time. The loss of social connections is huge. Playdates, events, parties, and gatherings may have had to be postponed or cancelled. There’s also been a disruption to the rituals (birthday parties, reunions, etc.) that many families look forward to each year. Have you been feeling sadness around the fact that your little one doesn’t remember a world without wearing masks? Or that you’ve had to cancel multiple social events because someone was exposed to COVID? Have you experienced any cut-offs or conflict in the family due to differing opinions about vaccinations or other COVID-related topics? Many families have, and our systems need time to process all of these feelings and release them. But when we’re in a state of stress, it’s harder for us to find the time and capacity to do so.
TheSuggestion: Carve out time to process your grief. Nope, it’s not complaining—it’s vital. Even if we try not to think about them, our bodies hold on to emotions. If you are sad because your high schooler couldn’t attend their prom, let yourself experience that sadness. If you are angry or hurt because your cousin is sharing COVID information online that you strongly disagree with, let yourself feel those feelings. We understand you may not have unlimited time to process things right now, but try to allow those feelings to be felt and expressed. It’s what humans need to process grief.
Bonus tip: Try sharing or processing your grief with a supportive friend or family member you feel safe with.
When It Comes to Decision Fatigue:
The Issue: Decision Fatigue is the weariness that comes from having to make lots of decisions during a given time period. Parents have been tasked for the past couple of years with trying to take in loads of new (and often quickly changing) information about the pandemic and safety. There have been many times when one clear path has not been present, and parents have had to make a billion mini-decisions about how to keep themselves and their children safe over time. It’s safe to say: We. Are. Tired!
The Suggestion: Decision Fatigue may not go away right now, but one thing that’s certain is that your brain needs a break. Try to give your brain some downtime by doing a mindless activity or completing an easy task that’ll help you feel accomplished. You can also identify a few areas of your life where you can dial things in and reduce the number of decisions you’re making. For instance, try creating a meal plan at the beginning of the week instead of having to come up with dinners on the fly. Find ways to give your brain a break and save your energy and attention for where it matters most.
When It Comes to Constant Transitions & Changes:
Issue: Just when you feel you are settling into your routine again the school calls and it’s closing due to COVID exposure. Now the kids are home and you are struggling to manage work responsibilities while also taking care of your children. Ugh! Why can’t we catch a break? Many parents, teachers, and children report that changes in their daily routines are more frequent and significant than ever before. Add to that the fact that humans tend to struggle with changes to structure, and you have a perfect storm of challenges. And it just so turns out that humans typically struggle with change to routine and structure.
The Suggestion: Be easy on yourself. One thing that doesn’t make change easier is feeling like you’re supposed to “have it all together.” Don’t compare yourself to others, because NO—that mom down the street doesn’t have it all figured out either. This is NOT easy. Allow yourself to be frustrated, allow yourself to have a messy house, and allow yourself some time to be frazzled as you figure out how to structure your unexpected days. It’s okay to have big feelings about change. These changes and feelings won’t last forever, but it’s okay to acknowledge that right now, in this moment, things are hard.
We know we don’t have all the answers that can make this challenging time magically better. This is hard on so many levels, but one thing we do believe is that it can feel better to welcome our true feelings and remember that we’re not alone. As our wise Alpaca creature says, “I am strong and supported I am never alone. Climbing these mountains will lead me home.”
Slumberkins is determined to provide a platform for parents, educators and caregivers to share all of these feelings. We have brought together renowned experts to lead conversations and share tips for supporting your family’s mental health through the ongoing pandemic. Join us every day between January 24 and January 27, 2022, at 3 p.m. ET on the @slumberkins Instagram page to take part in these important conversations.
Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world.
COVID-19 is causing a mental health crisis in people of all ages, but no group has been more impacted than our young people. In fact, the American Psychological Association says that teens currently report worse mental health and higher levels of anxiety and depression than all other age groups—including adults.
So, what can parents do to help? Plenty.
We can pay attention, we can provide meaningful support, and we can enlist professional help when it’s needed. Most of all, we can maintain a focus on helping our kids build the strengths and skills they need to thrive, not just during the pandemic, but all through life.
The following tips can help parents support their children right now. Remember that each child is unique and will respond differently to a traumatic event like COVID-19. Of course, be sure to tailor the following exercises to your child’s needs and age group.
Identify Triggers
Try to identify specific triggers. Spend some time observing your child’s behavior. When you recognize a behavioral pattern that needs closer attention, try to figure out its cause. For instance, maybe the outburst always happens on Wednesday mornings—and you realize that’s the time for the school math tests. Or perhaps every Thursday afternoon around 3:00 p.m. your child has a tantrum—and you recognize that his usual daily naps are being interrupted.
Track Concerning Behavior
Track concerning behaviors on a calendar. Signs of struggle are easy to miss, especially when we have so much going on in our own lives. Track your child’s daily behavior on a calendar (without them knowing that you’re watching). For the next week, note the specific time and place of the concerning new behavior (the tantrum, fear, clingier behavior). The process can help us see a pattern for a troubling new behavior that can be missed.
Make Positive Changes
Make positive changes to help your child struggle less and shine more. For instance, contact the teacher for suggestions on how to help them with their math. Or alter your schedule so that your child gets those daily naps.
Share Feelings
Give permission to share feelings. Getting kids to open up and share why they’re struggling is not easy. In fact, teens tell me one reason they don’t talk about their pain is that they don’t want to disappoint or hurt us. So, give permission for kids to share their feelings and hurt. You might tell them, “It’s okay to feel afraid.” Or, “Thanks for telling me you are hurting.”
Validate Sadness
Acknowledge the pain; validate sadness. Don’t try to talk your child out of their fear, sadness, or worries. They are real to the child, and many are grieving for lost milestones. Validate their grief. “I’m so sorry you’re sad.” “I’m here for you.” “It must be painful…(to lose the scholarship, prom, graduation).” Listen, be present, but don’t lecture.
Offer Reassurance
Lean in and offer calm, repeated reassurance. In order for every child to thrive, they have the basic need to feel safe and accepted. Children and teens say that these type of messages are best at assuring them and help:
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m here for you. How can I help?”
“I’ll be back and keep checking.”
“Let’s think what we can do to make you feel safer.”
“Remember, I love you and am always here for you.”
“You’re safe now.”
“It will be okay.”
“We’ll get through this.”
If you can’t think of what to say, kids say that just being there, rubbing their back with your calm presence can do wonders. Sometimes a direct, calmly delivered question works: “You don’t seem like yourself. Are you depressed? Sad??” Or just leave a caring note on your child’s pillow every day to provide reassurance. “I’m here for you” is the key message you want to convey. Don’t assume if your child doesn’t ask for help that he doesn’t need you. Be there!
Create a Support Network
Identify champions your child can turn to. A few examples might be: “There are people who care about you.” “Here’s where you can reach me at any time.” “What will be our private signal if you need me?” “Let’s name people you can count on to help.” (like the pediatrician, school counselor, Great Aunt Sally). You can also provide your child with phone numbers and times they can be reached if you’re not there.
Help Build Connections
Help your child build connections to combat loneliness. Physical distancing has reduced the face-to-face support systems that are so necessary for mental health, and research shows that kids are now suffering due to isolation. Teens and young adults are far more likely to be lonely as well as suffer from anxiety and depression. Loneliness and depression can be a toxic combination, especially during physical distancing. In fact, a recent Harvard study revealed that 43 percent of young adults reported increases in loneliness since the outbreak of the pandemic. An alarming 61 percent of young people aged 18-25 are suffering miserable degrees of loneliness.
Combat Loneliness
To combat loneliness, find creative ways to help your child connect with friends such as setting up regular virtual playdates, book clubs, exercise or yoga groups, study partners, or explore hobbies with a friend. Encourage digital use as a way for your child to reach friends face-to-face (such as through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom). But be sure to set limits on screen time if the activity is not “with” another person.
Reduce Risks
Reduce potential risks. Keep a watchful eye on your teen—even if he seems to be doing well. Lock up liquor and prescription drugs, and monitor your mail and car keys. Beware that some kids order online prescription drugs to reduce anxiety using their parents’ credit card.
Take care of your own emotional needs too. It’s hard to be calm when you know your child is hurting, so take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. To avoid arguments, create a family “calm down” signal such as holding your hand straight out like an umpire to mean “I need space.” And then refuse to engage until you and your child are calm.
Don’t Hesitate to Seek Help
NEVER hesitate to seek help if your gut tells you it’s needed. If you see a disturbing new trend in your child’s behavior, find out what is causing the change by seeking help from a trained mental health professional, counselor, pediatrician, psychiatrist, or psychologist. And remember that safety is always your top concern, so take immediate action if your child discusses plans of self-harm or your instincts tell you that something is wrong. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. (You might want to post the number so you and your child can easily find it.) If there is an immediate danger, take your child to the emergency room or call 911.
All of these actions are part and parcel of building resilience in your child. And there’s no better time to teach the resilience that leads to thriving than when life is tough.
Thrivers are made, not born. Parents can learn what it takes to help kids thrive, and they can put those actions into practice daily. Don’t underestimate the difference you can make in your child’s life, now and in the future. The single greatest commonality in children who thrive during adversity is a caring adult who refuses to give up on that child.
Michele Borba, Ed.D., is the author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, and is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. For more information, please visit micheleborba.com.
It’s been a time, hasn’t it? So much change, confusion, fear, isolation, loss, grief. Adults are exhausted—and while people take it on faith that “Children are resilient,” it’s actually not that simple. According to the CDC and the American Psychological Association, self-harm, depression and anxiety, and ER visits for mental health issues are all on the rise in children as young as six. Younger children are experiencing outbursts and regressive behaviors.
Fortunately, resilience skills can be learned and grow over a lifetime—and it’s never too early to start teaching! (In fact, we adults may even learn something in the process.)
Research shows that children who are resilient benefit from improved mental and emotional well-being and experience less stress. They are curious, courageous, and trust their own instincts. Resilience helps kids stay calm, learn from their mistakes, and remain optimistic. In short, resilience helps kids not just bounce back from adversity, but bounce forward, better than before.
So how do we teach young children to be resilient? Start with these 5 tips:
1. It only takes one loving grownup to make a difference—be that grownup.
You’re open to conversation with your child, and you listen without judgment. You reassure your child that all feelings are okay (even those outsized feelings that are so difficult for grownups to deal with!); it’s what you do with those feelings that counts. When you provide a loving, safe space for a child, this gives them a head start on resilience.
2. Model the resilient behavior you want your child to learn.
Children sometimes find this hard to believe, but let them know that you, too, make mistakes all the time! And when you do, you take a deep breath and try again. Let them see you remaining calm in a stressful or emotional situation—and talk about how you find productive solutions. Encourage them to ask questions and give them age-appropriate answers. Getting honest answers in a loving environment can help a child feel less helpless or scared.
3. Help children identify their feelings—and demonstrate strategies that put them in charge of their emotions.
Sometimes young children seem like a volcano of emotions: roiling and out of control. It can feel like that to them, too! Help them put names to these big feelings: anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear; even excitement or unbridled joy can sometimes go overboard! Use pictures in kids’ books to help them recognize facial expressions and body language that signal different emotions. Recognizing and labeling their own emotions and those of others is a key step toward developing empathy, which is critical for socialization.
Now teach them strategies for managing big emotions—let them know that they’re in charge and they can control their feelings! Take slow, deep breaths. Count to 10. Use positive self-talk in stressful situations: “I’m feeling calm,” or “I’m brave, I’m BRAVE!” Finally, if they’re feeling upset or afraid about terrible world events, teach them to “Look for the helpers”—every situation brings out the good people who want to help make it better.
4. Foster kids’ ability to solve problems for themselves.
There may be no better gift you can give a child than to offer a few problem-solving tips and then step back and let them figure out their own solutions. First, think positively: “I can do this!” Then, try breaking the problem into smaller, more manageable chunks. Have to tidy up a messy bedroom? Don’t try to tackle it all at once; first, put the clothes away, then the toys, then the books. Each completed mini-task creates a sense of accomplishment. Think about one good thing you’re learning from this problem (“I left my lunch at home today, but I won’t do that again: I’ll put up a sticky note tomorrow”). And remember: You can always ask for help if you need it!
5. Finally, encourage children to set goals for the future—and identify the steps it will take to get there.
Having a dream or an ambition is an important way for a child to learn to be resilient. By keeping their “eyes on the prize,” they can pick themselves up after stumbling because they have something to work toward and look forward to. Do they want to learn a new sport, improve existing skills, be a good artist, learn all about dinosaurs? Let them know they have the power to make that happen! Explain that each goal requires a series of smaller steps—just as when you read a book, you read one page at a time. Help them write down their goal and the steps they’re going to take to achieve it (take lessons, practice, take out books from the library). It will give them something positive to strive for.
Children have been through a lot these past couple of years—and they may not even realize how resilient they’ve already been. A great way to illustrate the power of resilience is to have them write or draw “The Story of Me”: telling the story of a hard time they endured and how they got through it.
This way, children can see their resilience in action, and know that they have the strength to get through any future challenges!
Denise Daniels,RN, MS and creator of the groundbreaking children’s brand The Moodsters is a Peabody award-winning journalist, author, and parenting and child-development expert dedicated to putting young children on the path to positive mental health. She created The Moodsters—five quirky little feelings detectives who solve the mysteries of emotions.
