You might call it the “D” word—divorce. Many children are blessed to be overwhelmingly loved by two caring adults who are able to cohesively co-parent. Then there are some children, like my own, who are not only left in turmoil but are also left with an absentee parent.

The father of my first two children could be summed up as a slow-motion train wreck. There is too much to go into great detail about, but his biggest flaw is choosing to be the equivalent of a distant cousin as opposed to a father: going weeks and even months without contact, missing birthday phone calls and falling about two years behind on child support payments.

Seeing the heartache on my children’s faces prompted me to become the Queen Mother of Overcompensation. I now had to step into their father’s shoes. I had to make up for all that he was screwing up.

At first, it was harmless: trying to make sure I fulfilled every wish on the birthday and Christmas list. I mean, how couldn’t I? How could I make his lack of financial or emotional help be the fault of a child?

Next came the emotional compensation, choosing to ignore problematic behaviors simply because of the pain the kids were feeling due to the loss of a family unit. I can remember the day my then-third grader leveled a classroom following an angry encounter with his teacher. I remember being terribly embarrassed and expressing that to every faculty member in view, but moments later, taking him for ice cream to talk it out.

I was afraid of being the “bad parent.” That if my children saw me put my foot down, they would hate me. I feared they would want and long for the one who wouldn’t even take the time to pick up the phone to return a call. I had to be all they needed wrapped in one. Believe it or not, I needed their love during this difficult time as much as they needed mine. I was afraid to parent my own children.

As I continued this path of destruction, I slowly began to realize that my pattern of enabling them was like putting scotch tape on a leaky pipe; sooner or later, that tape slides off, and the real problem bursts through. The gifts and the ice cream didn’t stop the anger and only calmed the raging storms. The phone calls from school didn’t stop. The ADD/ADHD diagnosis came next, which led to bigger, more underlying issues being discovered. My children were in pain, and no toy could fix that. More needed to be done!

I had to recognize my own toxic behavior in being my children’s enabler. The naysayers were right—they needed love, yes—but they also need guidance and a strong mother who stood firm in her decisions and who wouldn’t waffle at their whimpering. They needed a mother who was confident enough to know that she could never fully fill the void of their absent father.

I also had to acknowledge that I, too, was in pain. Divorce is never easy for children, but for the parties who vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, it was devastating. I cried myself to sleep some nights, afraid to face the world as something I never wanted to be. I was now a single mother and, most of all, alone. Loneliness eats away at you, and I longed to fill the void.

As these thoughts came rushing over me, I realized what I was doing to myself. Trying to overcompensate for someone who couldn’t care less was like ordering a Big Mac with a Diet Coke—it made no sense. I was an emotional wreck and I was passing that disease to my own children. I had to make a choice. I had to decide if I wanted to continue to fill the emotional loss with worthless items or if I wanted to help my children heal.

I wanted them to heal, so I had to hold myself and them accountable for our poor choices.

Part of that process meant allowing my children to talk it out with someone other than myself. The school counselors were amazing in this transition; my boys opened up and let them into their safe zone. They were given strategies to deal with anger and to calm themselves. They began talking more about missing their father and how it made them feel that he rarely fulfilled his role. While these were steps in the right direction, the healing process takes time. We continue to take it step by step and remember that we are in it together.

I know that we are not all lucky enough to have the perfect co-parenting scenario, though that’s what we all want for our children. In the event that we don’t get that happy ending, understanding that we are in charge of guarding our children’s emotional healing—and proceeding carefully and responsibly—is key.

Originally published January 2019.

RELATED LINKS
When Divorce Is the Only Answer
Dear Husband: I Need More Help from You
My Child with ADHD Needs Kinder—Not Tougher—Parenting

I am just regular mom of three wonderful boys and a married to the love of my life! I hope to reach people through writing and expressing my true experiences. My goal is to help a parent realize that no matter the struggle, they are not alone in the journey! 

Let’s be honest, when it comes to the morning makeup routine, well, it’s probably fallen to the wayside. But did you know there are a ton of natural beauty tips that can get your day at home off on the right foot by helping you look great and feel confident (even if you’re still wearing yoga pants)? Keep reading to discover our list of tried-and-true beauty hacks for busy moms everywhere!

Castor Oil

Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: Use for thicker brows. Why? Castor oil contains an Omega 9 Fatty Acid and boasts anti-inflammatory properties to help hair grow uninhibited

Sugar

Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Use for softer lips, feet, and hands. Mix a DIY sugar scrub with olive oil, lemon juice, and sugar to soften rough heels, hands, and lips. 

Honey

Free-Photos via Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Use for anti-aging. Apply a honey mask to clean skin for its anti-bacterial and healing properties (honey can heal acne scars!) as well as anti-aging effects.

Sweat Sesh

Inspired Horizons Digital Marketing via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: For detoxing skin. A good sweat session (be it at your fitness class, chasing your kids, a visit to the sauna) is good for your skin as it helps flush toxins from the body.

Baking Soda

evitaochel via Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Use for whiter teeth. Apply baking soda to your toothbrush once a week to whiten teeth.

Petroleum Jelly

Amazon

Beauty Hack: Use for a natural highlighter. Apply to the high points of the face and eyelids as an all-natural highlighter for a quick, subtle glow.

Steam

kboyd via Pixabay

Beauty Hack: For detoxing skin. Run a washcloth under warm water and apply it to your face before your masks for optimal results. This opens the pores and allows the product to really absorb into the skin. You can also boil water on the stove and hold a towel over your head to create a makeshift steam room.

Business Card

Bru-nO via Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Use for clean, precise mascara. Hold a business card behind your lashes as you apply mascara. This lets you get to the root of your lashes without leaving smudges on your skin.

Peppermint Oil

Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: Use for plump lips. Peppermint oil offers lips a natural plump, so add a drop or two onto your lipstick next time you apply.

Glycerin Soap

Kristina Balic via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: Use to keep brows in place. Dip your spoolie in a little glycerin soap and brush your brows upward for a full look and to keep them in place.

Scotch Tape

Crissy Jarvis via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: Use for eyeliner application. Use scotch tape as a guide for the perfect cat eyeliner.

Contact Solution

Rawpixel

Beauty Hack: Use to prolong mascara. If your mascara has gone clumpy, mix in a little contact solution to make the tube last longer.

Propped Pillows

Holly Stratton via Unsplash

Beauty Hack: If you want to de-puff your face, sleep with two pillows propped up instead of one to help fluid drain from the face.

Lipstick

kaboompics via Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Use as a cheek stain. If you don’t have time (or the makeup stash in your bag!), use a little lipstick as a stain on your cheeks for a fresh, healthy flush.

Frozen Spoons

Pixabay

Beauty Hack: Keep two spoons in the freezer and place them under your eyes to de-puff any under-eye bags or dark circles when needed.

Face Mist

courtesy NSMBL

Beauty Hack: Spritz it on throughout the day for an instant skin (and spirit) pick-me-up. You can make your own face mist by steeping a couple of bags of white tea with the zest from one lemon in boiling hot water. Let it sit at room temperature before transferring it to a spray bottle and letting it chill in the fridge. Spray your face whenever you’re feeling the baby blues. Make a new batch after a week.

 

Baby Oil

Amazon

Score a quick fix for your manicure by applying baby oil to your nails and cuticles every night. Nails will stay shiny and hydrated 24-7.

—Kaitlyn Kirby with Ayren Jackson-Cannady

Feature photo: Kevin Laminto via Unsplash

 

RELATED STORIES:

Beauty Gear That’ll Make You Look Refreshed (Even When You’re Exhausted)

This CVS “Beauty In Real Life” Campaign Is Awesome & So Important

8 DIY Beauty Tricks for New (& Tired) Moms

 

Get stuck for an afternoon with an activity that requires one thing: tape! This handy dandy material can lead to all kinds of creative possibilities—which works out great when you need a craft that’s as simple as it is entertaining. Whether your arts and crafts drawer is stocked with duct tape, scotch tape, or colorful washi, scroll down for a few ideas that take tape to the next imaginative level.

Leaf Garland
photo: Hands on as We Grow

1. Simple Leaf Garland
A festive craft and an excuse to for your little explorer to roam the great outdoors? We dig it. This idea from Hands on as We Grow is super simple (just snag your scotch tape!) and a fun way to learn more about nature. It’s adaptable, too–make a festive garland to celebrate autumn, gather up spring flowers, or just see where the wind takes you! Learn more here.

Duct Tape Beads
photo: Clumsy Crafter

2. Duct Tape Beads
If you’re looking for a craft that will entertain everyone from Big Bro to Little Sis, the Clumsy Crafter (a.k.a. Bobbie Byrd) has you covered. As Bobbie says, this idea is “simple enough for a preschooler to make but interesting enough for elementary and middle school age kids”. That means that the whole crew will love making these sweet duct tape beads. Learn more here.

Washi Tape Dominos
photo: A Crafty LIVing

3. Washi Tape Dominoes
We have to give major props to A Crafty LIVing for this super simple craft that doubles as a learning game. How simple is it? Well, there are 2 steps and 2 supplies. The littles can help make it, and then practice number and color recognition, matching, and more! Learn more here.

Egg Maracas
photo: MADE Everyday

4. Homemade Maracas
Ready to make some noise? With leftover plastic Easter eggs, some masking tape, and just a few other around-the-house ingredients, you’ve got the makings for a musical afternoon, courtesy of MADE Everyday. In fact, it’s hard to say which part your little Mozarts will love more–crafting their own maracas or shake-shake-shaking to their own beat. Learn more here.

Watercolor Salt Painting
photo: Holly’s Arts and Crafts Corner

5. Watercolor Salt Painting
This idea from Holly’s Arts and Crafts Corner is a kid-approved combo of science and art. It gets bonus points for being quick-drying (always a plus with impatient artists!) and an interesting way to learn about the way salt interacts with water. For extra artsy angles, don’t forget the key supply–painter’s tape! Learn more here.

Duct Tape Bookmarks
photo: Theresa’s Mixed Nuts

6. Duct Tape Bookmarks
Tiny bookworms rejoice! Theresa’s Mixed Nuts has just the thing to tuck into your favorite read. Made from colorful duct tape, these bookmarks are easy to whip up and practically indestructible, too. Give ’em as gifts, stick them in party bags, or just make sure they’re handy when storytime rolls around. Learn more here.

—Abigail Matsumoto

You don’t have to live in the brooding mansion atop Spook Hill to flash a little haunted house style all your own. Welcome a monster into the home with this easy, DIY Halloween decoration for kids: the transformation of an ordinary door into a ghoulish delight.

Using an inside-door opens up the possibility for materials (no weather-proofing needed) but you can also adapt this to your entryway or exterior door if you want to wow trick-or-treaters. Read on for a simple tutorial on turning any portal into a monster worthy of Dr. Frankenstein’s lab.

You will need:

A door

Scissors

Any combination of the following materials:

Tape—masking or painter’s tape works great, comes in many colors and doesn’t peel off the paint when you remove it.

Paper plates or construction paper—can be used to make the eyes as well as the nose or teeth.

Felt, faux fur, ribbons—The possibilities are endless. Great way to use leftover costume making supplies.

Plastic bags—work well for outside-dwelling door monsters.

Googly eyes, puff balls, yarn, etc.— anything you can think of to make eyes, a nose and a mouth.

Adhesive stuff—glue, double-sided tape, scotch tape. You’ll want something like double-sided to attach the eyes, nose, etc. to the door as well as glue or tape to create things like the eyes.

Gather your supplies. You’ll want to cut out eyes, nose and mouth before hand, and assemble anything like eyes before attatching. Hair can be made from strands of tape, faux fur, slices of paper or yarn.

These eyes are giant, glow-in-the-dark googly eyes, attached to paper plates. Let the kids draw the squiggly “bloodshot” lines on the plates. And remember, this is a monster. One, three and even twenty-one eyes are all acceptable. Attach you eyes, nose, mouth, hair and eyebrows. Embellish with stitches or other fun ideas. Voila! You have created a monster.

Did you create a Door Monster? Share your pics with us at #redtricycle #rtdoormonster on Instagram or Facebook. 

—All photos and story by Amber Guetebier

Looking for a fun, inexpensive robot craft, no-batteries-required? We’ve got three! You don’t need to be a master coder or electronics guru to pull off these no-tech robots for kids of all ages. Just scroll down to build a robot. Or, beep boop, beep, beep, boop!

1. Paper Robot Glider

Former elementary school teacher and mom of two Chelsey—who blogs at Buggy and Buddy—posted a neat paper robot glider that’s super-easy and fun to make. She even included a free, printable robot template, but you can easily create your own robot design to suit your tastes.

What you’ll need:

  • A basic robot design printed on heavy card stock
  • String (we used parachute cord that was purchased from a craft store)
  • Pony beads
  • Drinking straw
  • Scotch tape
  • Markers and/or crayons

Have your mini-robotics expert color and design her robot on the paper template.

Cut out the robot design.

Cut the drinking straw into approximately one-and-a-half inch lengths, then tape the straw pieces to the back of the paper robot.

Hang the cord over a door knob, then thread both ends through the straws. Secure the ends of the cord with a pony bead so the paper robot doesn’t slide all the way through.

Hold the ends of the cord in each hand, pull the cord, then voilà! The paper robot glides up and down.

2. Button Robot Hangers

Whether your kiddo use these button robot hangers on their backpacks or as ornaments, they are cute and easy to make.

What you’ll need:

  • Assorted buttons
  • Pipe cleaners
  • Googly eyes
  • Glue

Select buttons that can serve as a robot’s head, body, arms and feet, then arranged the pieces to see what they might look like.

Thread a pipe cleaner through the button holes, starting with the head, then moving down to the body, then finishing with the robot’s feet.

Add another pipe cleaner for the robot’s arms, then thread the pipe cleaner through the button holes of the arms.

Glue on googly eyes, position your robot’s arms and legs, then your button robot is complete!

3. Robot Self Portrait

What you’ll need:

  • Perler bead kit
  • Mini-canvas
  • Paint
  • Glue

Have your robot designer create a robot self-portrait using Perler beads, then fuse the beads with an iron per the instructions provided by Perler.

Paint the mini-canvas, then glue the completed, fused robot portrait to the mini-canvas.

Display your robot designer’s robot self-portrait!

What are your favorite robot projects? Tell us in the comments below!

—Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

 

Daily
Today Is Scotch Tape Day
We’ve grown attached.
1

Get the kiddos amped about the simple art of using tape to make amazing things.

2

It can remove pet hair, dry your clothes and keep your pants on. Tape is your friend and here are 12 tape hacks you will use every day.

3
Bust out this easy and cute tape dispenser for all that washi tape you simply must keep around.

{ Today’s ideas brought to you by Glue }

If you’ve got a little writer in your house, try this easy way to transform an ordinary ballpoint into an old-fashioned quill pen worthy of scribing a masterpiece. Read on for the simple tutorial.

You will need:

A ballpoint pen (like a simple Bic pen)

A feather

Scissors

Tape

Step 1. Deconstruct.
Take your ballpoint pen apart. You shouldn’t need scissors or a knife for most pens. You need the little ballpoint pen part hiding inside that tube of plastic. (Caution: pen can leak ink so put away your white table linens).

You should choose a feather with a decent sized quill (this is the hollow part of the feather also known as the calamus) because this is where you’ll be stashing the “guts” of the ballpoint pen.

Step 2: Quill It Work?
Make a small snip at the end of the quill. Slide the thin ballpoint pen inside. If the fit is not tight enough, use a little scotch tape to secure it by wrapping the quill to bind the pen inside. It’s also a good idea to wrap the part of the pen that sticks out with scotch tape, to help avoid leaks onto tiny fingers. 

Step 3: Pen It!
Voila! You’ve got a modern vintage writing implement! Now write a haiku or poem. Or your memoirs.

Tip: If your feather isn’t big enough to hold the pen, or if you prefer to use a pencil, you can just lash it to the pen using tape or yarn.

Do your kids have a penchant for pens? 

—All photos and copy by Amber Guetebier

 

When it comes to quick and easy, this simple little walnut shell boat will make a quiet afternoon come alive with tales of the high seas. All you need are a few basic ingredients and it’s smooth sailing indeed. Read on for the how-to.

You will need:

Walnuts: whole walnuts, shelled in half

Toothpicks or small twigs

Scotch tape (optional)

A candle

For the sail: Thin paper, leaves, fabric  (whatever floats your boat)

Step one: Crack that nut!
You’ll probably want at least half a dozen (which is only 2 whole nuts) or more depending on how many kiddos you have. Crack your nuts, eat or set aside the yummy innards.

Step two: Hoist that rag!
If you are using paper, have the kiddos decorate your sails. Or gather the just-right leaf, or fabric piece: it will need to be small, thin and relatively stiff. You can create triangle sails or rectangle, tall or wide. You’ll probably have to experiment a bit to get the right size sail, but roughly 2” x 1.5”  is a good size.

Step three: Drip it, drip it real good.
Light that candle and let the wax drip into the shells. You want just enough to be able to poke one end of the toothpick or small twig into the wax. Let the wax cool enough and stick the mast in. Attach the sail to the mast by poking it through. (You can use scotch tape to reinforce or even tape the sail directly onto the toothpick, just keep in mind added weight up top may cause a capsized boat). 

Step four: Sail away!
Use the sink or a small bowl and sail your little walnut shell boats. Have a breath-powered race to see who reaches the other side.

Tips & Tricks
No wax? Try a marshmallow, a small bit of silly puddy or even playdough: all you need is to hold the sail up without adding too much weight to sink. 

Poke the sail through the stick before you “raise” it in the wax.

If your boat sinks, try trimming the sail and keeping it closer to the hull.

Have you ever made a walnut shell ship? What other cute crafts can you make from a walnut shell? 

—Photos and copy by Amber Guetebier

From the soccer carpool to the never-ending assortment of mismatched socks, sometimes there are days when you’ve only got a few seconds (or 140 characters) to get in a good giggle. Well, sit back and get ready to scroll because we’ve scoured the Twitterverse for moms and dads that rap about the highs and lows of parenting, and the results are hilarious.

1. Coffee is everything.

2. That is NOT “one little piece of tape.”

3. Wise words little one.

4. HA!

5. Oh, that 4yo is good.

6. Any takers?

7. Kids say the darndest things.

8. The struggle…

9. Priorities

https://twitter.com/est1975blog/status/714837793596248064

10. As “Angel” plays softly in background

 

Do you have any #funnyparenting moments to share with the Red Tricycle Community? Tell us in the comments below!