Ask any parent what it’s like to raise a kid today, and we’d likely tell you modern childhood seems much more complex—and perilous—than when we were young. Thanks to increased peer pressure, massive technological advances, and on-demand access to virtually anything via click or tap, kids today face a wider array of choices and decision-making opportunities than we did when we were their age.
As parents, we hope we’ve instilled strong values and resilience in our children so they’re always able to make good decisions. But how can we be sure they’ll do the right thing, especially when we’re not around? While there’s no magic formula, here are 10 tips to help your kid make smart decisions—even when you’re not there.
1. Start conversations about smart decision-making early.
The earlier parents initiate conversations about how to make good decisions with their kids, the better. Explaining to your child what it means to make a good decision and why it’s important can set them up for future success. Kevin Zoromski, a psychologist and early childhood development expert says, “Give children choices as part of their day and as part of their typical routine. They will look forward to having some say over what they get to do in the household and you will establish their sense of responsibility as important decision-makers.”
2. Role-model smart decision-making behaviors.
Kids learn through observation and patterning the behaviors of people in their lives, especially their parents. Modeling good decision-making behavior will help reinforce your life lessons. Show your kid that you are honest, responsible, and accountable for your choices. “You are your child’s first and most important role model,” said mental health expert Ketsupa Jirakarn. “[Kids] are always observing and learning from you every day—even when you are unaware of it. So, make sure you practice what you preach.”
3. Set clear expectations and boundaries.
Let your kids know what you expect from them in terms of making smart decisions. For older kids, this could include things like always telling you where they are going, not using illicit substances like drugs and alcohol, and staying away from dangerous situations. “Children are more likely to accept the limits you set and are more likely to want to meet your expectations (i.e., be responsible) when you provide a warm, caring, and supportive relationship that underlies the discipline you impose,” according to a report from The Center for Parenting Education.
4. Practice makes perfect.
Give your child opportunities to practice smart decision-making. This could involve giving them small choices, such as what to wear to school or what to eat for dinner. It also could involve giving them bigger choices, such as whether to join a sports team or what to do with their allowance. By empowering your child to learn about the consequences of their choices through smaller actions, they will feel more empowered when making bigger decisions on their own.
When your kid makes a mistake, don’t immediately swoop in to fix the problem or resort immediately to punishment. Help them understand why a misstep was a consequence of not making the best decision, and then talk about how they can make a better choice next time. According to a report from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, “Reframing mistakes as opportunities from which we can learn—rather than failures alone—can help us feel like we are capable and in control. Reframing can also help us handle future mistakes more effectively.”
6. Develop their critical thinking skills.
Learning how to think critically and independently requires self-awareness (i.e., knowing strengths, weaknesses, and values) as well as problem-solving skills. Encouraging your child to think through a decision and come up with a solution can further nurture and develop their critical thinking skills. “In childhood and adolescence, the body goes through many physical changes, but there are also many changes in how we think, feel, and behave, and in our motivations,” according to a report from Frontiers for Young Minds. It’s through repeated trial and error that kids develop the necessary skills to thrive into adulthood.
7. Help them understand risks.
Some decisions have few consequences, while other decisions are highly consequential. Teaching your child the difference between big and small choices, and understanding the risks associated with some decisions will mitigate the chances of bad outcomes. For example, teach young kids about the risks of eating too much junk food or overdoing it with screen time, and teach older kids about the risks of cyberbullying and underage drinking.
8. Nurture emotional intelligence.
Talk to your child about the choices they’re facing and help them understand the different options and the potential consequences of each choice. Teaching them how to evaluate information, identify biases, and make informed decisions as well as helping your child understand and manage their emotions and how to make decisions that are in line with their values will serve them well. “Emotional literacy starts at birth when babies can just bond with [their parents] and connect on just that level. And it continues to evolve,” said Dr. Michele Borba, parenting expert and author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
9. Be supportive and consistent.
As parents, being supportive and consistent with our reactions to our children’s choices will help ensure they make smart ones, even when we’re not present. If you sometimes let your child get away with making a bad decision, they will be less likely to take you seriously when you expect them to make good choices without you. Additionally, when your kid makes a good decision, be sure to praise and validate them. “Youth who experience more positive interactions with parents are better adjusted. Indeed, consistency in parenting—primarily consistency in discipline—has been linked to more positive youth outcomes,” according to a report from the National Institutes of Health.
10. Practice patience and understanding.
It takes time for kids to learn how to make smart decisions. Don’t get discouraged if they don’t always and immediately make the right choices. Even when your kids are old enough to make decisions themselves, they still need your patience and understanding. Be there to talk to them, offer advice, and help them deal with the consequences of their decisions.
While research indicates that infants and toddlers under 18 months shouldn’t have any screen time, for most parents, especially working parents, that isn’t a reality. Our advice? Ditch the parenting guilt and focus on quality when it comes to screen time. Our list of the best YouTube channels for toddlers highlights those that engage and entertain with fun and educational content (zero unboxing to be found). These channels challenge little minds and also encourage moving little bodies, so, when you do need to utilize a screen, here’s what your toddler should be watching.
The Snack Town All-Stars
Join in on the fun with Banana, Apple, Orange, and, Grape. These animated healthy snacks sing fun songs about eating good foods and there are even soothing lullabies for naptime. One of the most popular videos is Stay Healthy Shake, which encourages kids to get up and move. We love this for the times when you need a quick 15 minutes.
Blippi
With his orange glasses, suspenders, and bowtie, Blippi has taken the toddler world by storm. His educational content teaches young kids about everything from colors to numbers. Blippi’s whimsical and exaggerated mannerisms and the simple-to-follow lessons are brought to life with age-appropriate props and backgrounds. This not only appeals to toddlers but also keeps them engaged and entertained while they are learning.
PBS Kids
With live streams of many PBS kid shows like SUPER WHY, Daniel Tiger, and Rosie’s Rules, the PBS Kids YouTube channel offers educational and engaging content for toddlers. There are also full episodes of the newer PBS show Work It Out Wombats, which focuses on computational thinking. The show focuses on three main characters who also happen to be wombat siblings navigating an apartment complex and solving problems along the way.
Sesame Street
This YouTube channel features episodes from the long-running, award-winning children’s show. The compilations and themed content around important holidays and events are not only educational but interactive, too. Toddlers will love seeing all their favorite Sesame Street characters from Elmo to Grover sing and dance. With over 23 million subscribers, the YouTube channel is as popular as the show many parents grew up with and are now eager to share with their own children.
After revealing a surprise, real-life girl Gabby grabs her stuffed cat and says a few magical words. She then becomes a tiny animated figure who goes on adventures in her amazing dollhouse. Kids can watch full episodes of the Netflix show, Gabby’s Dollhouse, on the YouTube channel. They can also enjoy videos of simple crafts, songs, and educational content like learning the colors of the rainbow. Parents can enjoy some special bonding time with their toddlers during the crafting videos because young kids won’t be able to do these by themselves.
Ms. Rachel Songs for Littles
With over two million subscribers, Ms. Rachel’s soothing and melodious voice provides toddlers with lessons on letters, sounds, and numbers. The preschool teacher was inspired to create her channel after her own son was diagnosed with a speech delay. With a special focus on language development, Miss Rachel focuses on providing kids with an interactive experience they can follow along with. Her puppet sidekicks Herbie and Georgie also grab kids’ attention.
Danny Go!
According to the website, this YouTube channel is geared toward kids from 2-7. With catchy and fun songs like The Dinosaur Dance and Fire and Ice Freeze Dance, Danny Go! encourages kids to get moving by showing them simple dance moves they can easily do. There are a cast of regular characters like Mindy Mango, Tiny Danny, and scientist Pap Pap who provide movement breaks and educational lessons against colorful and engaging backgrounds.
This YouTube channel with more than 37 million subscribers appeals to toddlers with its simple and classic songs. Many videos feature old-school puppets or animated characters that will entertain and engage kids who will love singing and dancing along. From classic nursery rhymes like Humpty Dumpty to age-old songs like Skidamarink, this channel will keep your toddler on their toes.
CoComelon
With musical repetition and bright colors, this channel is perfect for toddlers. The repetition helps them to build their vocabulary and acquire early literacy skills with the use of nursery rhymes and songs. CoComelon also teaches toddlers about colors and numbers, and provides other important life lessons.
The Learning Station
This channel is fun and educational, focusing on everything from early literacy development to social and emotional learning. One of the most popular songs, Herman the Worm, has racked up 117 million views. Kids love the simple melody and silliness factor of the goofy song.
This literacy program features some of the most popular and entertaining celebrities reading kids’ books. Presented by the SAG-AFTRA foundation, kids will love the lively reading where celebs do a variety of voices and get truly animated. Parents may want to watch alongside their kids to see celebrities from Oprah to Jennifer Garner. In one particularly enticing entry, the late, great Betty White reads Harry the Dirty Dog.
As the parent of a rambunctious toddler, I lived for naptime—I desperately needed those little breaks and my tantrum-prone daughter required twice-daily reboots. When she stopped napping entirely, I nearly cried. But as much as parents relish opportunities to recharge, children need them even more, says Dr. Lena van der List, a pediatrician at UC Davis Children’s Hospital in Sacramento. “Sleep is crucial for all of us—the importance can’t be overstated—but especially for little ones,” she explains. “They are developing skills like emotional regulation and growing so much. Even things like immune function are integrally tied to sleep.” Before nixing naptime, van der List advises that parents carefully consider their child’s age, overall sleep, and signs that they may be ready.
How much sleep do toddlers need?
Toddlers need between 10 and 14 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, says van der List, made up of a combination of nighttime sleep and naps. Typically, they’ll drop from two naps a day to one longer mid-day nap between the ages of 12 and 16 months.
While my daughter only made it to age 3 (why though), most kids need at least one nap a day until 4 years of age (or older). Others may need naps after a lot of activity (think swimming lessons or a day at Disneyland). “It’s important to know your child and some of the cues that may indicate that they no longer need [naps],” she adds.
Signs your kid is ready to stop napping
Your child may no longer need to nap if they are:
Refusing to go to bed at their usual bedtime
Spending naptime talking or singing to themselves
Waking up extremely early in the morning
Not getting enough sleep overall
The key here is consistency, says van der List. “It’s not going to be a one-day thing. You should notice a consistent pattern.”
Keep in mind that during times of illness or transition, children may struggle to nap—but it doesn’t mean naptime should end. “A lot of times parents will just kind of give up if it’s been a rough week. We tend to think that all hope is lost, but it is not. You can get back to where you were.”
Signs they still need to nap
Most adults flop onto the couch when they’re tired, but young children do the opposite. “Their little brains start to misfire,” says van der List. “They start acting out and having big behavioral issues or meltdowns.” If this sounds like your kid, they may still need to nap. Another important sign is if your kiddo isn’t getting the recommended hours of sleep in a day.
With quiet time, naps may return. It can also be helpful to create strong associations between sleep and objects, like a sleep sack, lovey, or crib. For this reason, van der List recommends children stay in a crib for as long as possible.
How to transition from nap time to quiet time
If you suspect it’s time to cancel naptime, van der List suggests transitioning to ‘quiet time.’ Young children benefit from resting in a low-stimulation environment and, if it turns out that they still need the nap, it gives them the chance to sleep.
Kids thrive on routine, so it’s important to create a new routine for quiet time, says van der List.
She recommends a darkened room with low-stimulation toys and avoiding screentime beforehand. “Watching a show as a wind down is not necessarily the best thing for toddlers or preschoolers because screen time really activates them,” she says.
When to consult your pediatrician
If you’re struggling to get your child enough sleep each day—with or without napping—have a chat with their pediatrician. And keep in mind that kids who are neurodivergent sleep differently and health issues like anemia and obstructive sleep apnea can create sleep problems, says van der List.
But sometimes, no matter how closely parents follow her advice, their children still don’t sleep.
“That’s not a parenting flaw, by any means,” she says. “There are just some kids that don’t sleep as well.”
It certainly isn’t breaking news that screen time in the toddler years is something that should be avoided as much as possible. In an interesting twist, a recent study exploring the relationship between toddler language development and toddler screen time found that it’s not necessarily the amount of time spent watching videos that is the issue. Rather, the reason why the toddler is watching the video is the important part of predicting the impact on expressive language.
The study looked at children between 17 and 30 months of age and had caregivers document how much time their children spent on video/TV, video games, video chat, and e-books. Caregivers also noted the reason why screentime was being used whether that was for calming/babysitting benefits, for educational purposes, or to engage with family members. These factors were then compared to the children’s vocabulary and length using two or more words together.
Results show that children between the ages of 17 and 30 months spend an average of nearly two hours per day watching videos. This is a 100 percent increase from prior estimates gathered before the COVID pandemic. “Children exposed to videos by caregivers for their calming or ‘babysitting’ benefits tended to use phrases and sentences with fewer words,” as explained on smu.edu. “However, the negative impact on language skills was mitigated when videos were used for educational purposes or to foster social connections—such as through video chats with family members.”
“In those first couple years of life, language is one of the core components of development that we know media can impact,” said Sarah Kucker, assistant professor of psychology in SMU’s Dedman College of Humanities & Sciences, to sciencedaily.com. “There’s less research focused on toddlers using digital media than older ages, which is why we’re trying to understand better how digital media affects this age group and what type of screen time is beneficial and what is not.”
In addition, once kids are well into their toddler years, there are television shows like Miss Rachel, Peppa Pig, and Daniel Tiger that actually aid in language development.
The takeaway: We all just need to do our best to limit screen time as we can, understanding that it is not always possible.
It’s hard to imagine how you’re going to juggle all the things when you go back to work after having a baby. On top of your actual job, there’s the laundry and cooking and grocery shopping, the emails from school, the playdates, and your bigger kid’s sweatpants suddenly having holes in every knee. It’s a lot. So we asked 25 working moms to share their best piece of advice, and boy did they deliver—with tips on everything from streamlining your home life to actually, realistically carving out time for yourself.
The Juggle Is Real
Plan the week out in person “Every Sunday evening, my husband and I sit down and review the week ahead (logistics, upcoming events, to-dos, etc.) and create a one-page document that we print out and leave in an easy-to-see spot. We reference it all week! This exercise helps me get a hold of the ongoing mental list heading into the week.”
Do the small things first “The best piece of advice I ever got was to live by the one-minute rule. Essentially, you do any task that takes a minute or less immediately. Don’t microwave your coffee, don’t call a friend, don’t pass go and collect $200—just do it now. All those little distractions add up to some aggressively long to-do lists and as working moms, we simply don’t have time for that. So if you bring in the mail, don’t plop it down to deal with later—just go through it right away and throw out the junk. If you get an email from the school that requires an easy response, get it over with. By getting all these little things out of the way ASAP you’re making more time for the big stuff, and we all need more time for the big stuff.”
Go ahead, take the shortcut “Working full-time with young kids is hard, no doubt about it. Do what you have to do to get through the day, because some days are harder than others. Grilled cheese (for the fourth time this week)? Why not! A little extra screen time so you can complete a task that can no longer wait? Go for it. Sometimes, it’s about survival. These don’t have to be the moments that define you as a mom. These are the moments that let you keep the ship afloat so you can be the mom you really want to be.”
Prep the night before “Whether you need to leave the house to go to work daily or once a week, make that morning as streamlined as possible. Shower the night before if you can. Plan your outfit and the kids’ clothes. Pack lunches. The easier it is for you to get ready, the easier it is to get out the door, and the smoother your day will be.”
Take allll the help “My advice is to take any help you can get. Don’t try to be a hero. It literally takes a village. Know who you can count on for carpools and when you can share responsibilities with people you trust.”
Divide and conquer (and reevaluate regularly) “I was the primary parent for many years, and even though I am now working full-time, I’m the primary parent in many ways. There are times when this becomes too much and the anger can build. Why do I need to still take care of the stuff I did before? The answer is, I don’t. This may mean our house is messier for longer, or the kids don’t get as many playdates, but inevitably, we started new routines and new schedules to balance out the division of labor. And if it feels like it’s not working again, it’s back to the drawing board to figure out a new routine. Don’t expect to have it all figured out right away. You need to try things out for a bit, sit with it, and adjust as needed.”
Switch up nighttime routines “When it comes to the daily routine, try not to have one parent do bath time and bedtime every night. We have always had one parent clean up after dinner and the other handle the bedtime routine. And then the next night we switch, although it can be hard if mom is nursing. My husband would do everything to get the baby ready for bed, and I would nurse as the final step. Then your baby gets used to both parents, not only mom, at bedtime.”
Take the Zumba class “A co-worker of mine once told me when my kids were really young how important it is for moms to have a life outside of their kids. At the time I would rush from work to pick them up from daycare when what I really wanted to do was attend the Zumba class that was held at our office. She encouraged me to do that and it really was life-changing. Now, I regularly leave them to travel and they have developed so many great life skills from me not always being home. Plus they see me following my dreams even as an adult which I think is so important.”
Work Life
Never apologize “Do not apologize for saying ‘I need to go pick up my kids.’ Anything having to do with caring for your kids does not need an apology. To anyone. Ever. Be gracious and polite and tactful as the situation calls for, but don’t tell anyone you’re sorry you need to be a parent.”
Talk about your littles “When I first had my daughter, I was reluctant to talk about parenting with clients and colleagues. I didn’t want anyone to assume that motherhood would get in the way of my performance. But I’ve come to realize that commiserating about potty training is actually a great way to break the ice and forge relationships with the parents I work with. These days, if I know a client or colleague has kids, I make a point of asking about them. This approach might not be right for every workplace, but it’s been effective for me.”
Seek out mother mentors “Create a village at work to support you. Find mentors to help guide you as you make potentially new career decisions as a working mother. It’s great to engage women for your personal board of directors who are a few steps ahead of you in the working motherhood journey. That way they can share what they did in your shoes as you find new opportunities.”
Know your rights “Know your rights as a mother and what the law says about maternity leave, time off to care for sick kids, time off for doctor visits, pumping and privacy, etc. No one can take advantage of you when you can back things up with the law.”
Dual Identities
Set work and socialization boundaries “It can become awkward if your office environment is a more social one and you have to/want to/need to go home to your family. If you do feel tension around this, speak to your manager. Explain your boundaries – it’s better to be upfront and have everyone understand the expectations. Just be aware that you’ll have to stay and play sometimes (and that’s OK!).”
Work-life balance takes work “Work-life balance isn’t a 50/50 daily split. It’s intentionally making the time for the things that you really care about, using boundaries, prioritizing, and planning your time over the long term. If you don’t have boundaries, everything is harder when it comes to finding time for what you care about. The easiest way to maintain boundaries after you define them is to use your calendar. Block off time to indicate when your work day ends. Put time on your calendar when you know you’ll be focused on family. Carve out time for things like exercise and self-care.”
Take time to switch from mom mode to work mode “I usually feel a little frazzled from the adrenaline of the morning rush, so I give myself 25 minutes to shake it off and prepare myself to start my work day. I pop on a chatty, fun podcast (or put on some feel-good music if that’s more my mood), and do a quick sweep of the spaces I need to use. I remove all of the obvious kid debris and mess so that the space feels more calm and ordered. Then I change into an outfit I feel good in and do a two-minute glow-up to hide the tired eyes. I take a moment to make a coffee or eat something nourishing in my garden; just five minutes or so to myself outside in nature to reset. Then I head to my desk and get started–work mode activated!”
Focus on one thing at a time “Avoid multitasking when it comes to childminding and working at the same time—it’s a poor result for everyone if you’re attempting to work while spending time with your children and vice-versa.”
Advancing In Your Career
Work advancements may mean less “Once I had kids, I knew that work no longer took priority for me. And even though I went back to work eventually, I no longer felt like I needed the ‘cool’ job or the better title. I liked being able to work again, but also being able to shut my computer off and be with my family. I am a full-time project manager at home, I don’t need to be one at my job.”
Make deals on the playground “You know the old cliché that business deals are made on the golf course? Well, they can be made on the playground too! I’ve found that parents, and moms in particular, are willing to help fellow parents reach career goals. Leveraging my network of fellow moms has led to valuable business relationships and even new clients.”
Work smarter and put yourself first “Before kids I considered myself a hard worker, staying late at the office, taking on tasks for which I wasn’t recognized, agonizing over every word in an email. I no longer have that time as a working mom. Now I say no to tasks that don’t serve me, walk away from time-sucking clients, and yes, send a few emails with typos. I’ve dialed down my efforts at work and I’ve found that the work I produce is just as good.”
Put pumping on the cal “If you’re planning to pump, put that time on your calendar so it doesn’t get eaten up by other meetings or requests. People will know that you’re unavailable.”
Mom Guilt and Expectations
No one has all the answers “Don’t let anyone, especially social media influencers or experts, tell you what you can or can’t do. Don’t get hooked into the narrative of the burnt-out mom if it doesn’t serve you. We’ll all get overwhelmed, but it’s not written in the sky that you can’t have what you want in all aspects of your life. We’re just told, a lot, that, no, we can’t. And I don’t buy it.”
A little sorry goes a long way “There may be moments when you lose your cool with your kid. Trying to get out the door in the morning when you’re already late for work is an opportune time for this. When you cool off later that day or even later that week, apologize and admit you made a mistake. Everyone will feel better for it.”
So does a little one-on-one time “Try to carve out a little time each day to focus on your kids. Even just 10 minutes of ‘golden time’ as they call it. Makes me feel less guilty for the time I don’t get to spend with them and sometimes it actually helps their behavior.”
Making Time For Yourself (Really Though)
Rise and shine “I like to get up as early as I can muster to have some alone time before the rest of my family wakes up. I make coffee, read a few chapters of my book, and just generally let myself bask in the quiet. I find that when my kids do get up I’m more calm and prepared for whatever they throw my way (tantrums, fights, breakfast disasters). Some people call it the 5 a.m. club, but mine’s more 6 a.m. or later because I’m not a morning person at all. But I do go to bed as early as I can to make this work.”
Fresh air is your friend “I like to go for a walk before work, even when I work from home, and I call it my commute. Alone time, fresh air, and steps make me feel more ready for the day.”
Your child says, “I’m hungry,” and you grab them a snack. They say “I’m bored,” and you find a way to entertain them. But when should the butler treatment end? When is it time to teach your child how to be self-sufficient and let them do things for themselves?
Believe it or not—now is as good a time as any! Your two-year-old can help you do the laundry; your 6-year-old can brush her teeth; and your 10-year-old can hang out alone at home while you walk the dog. And, no matter how desperately they cry, “Watch me!” young kids don’t always need you right there next to them (being just nearby is just fine).
“What you’re really trying to do is get the child to learn how to make decisions and take control over the things they can have control over,” said Dr. Michael Ungar, director of the Resilience Research Center and the author of We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids. “What you really want is a child who can make a contribution to their family, who can navigate their community, who can problem solve.”
We created an age-by-age guide that ranges from letting your toddler help with household chores to giving your tween tech time to help you figure out the right time to give your kids that much-needed independence. Here’s what the experts say.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 0 to 2
Don’t worry: You won’t need to start nudging your one-year-old out of the nest. According to Los Angeles child psychiatrist Patrick Kelly, it’s the opposite: the stronger the attachment between parents and their babies, the more comfortable those kids will be doing things independently as they grow. That said, there are a few “big kid” things your tiny tot can start learning at this age:
Feeding and Dressing Themselves – According to Los Angeles pediatrician Amin Davari, simple things like allowing older infants to feed themselves age-appropriate foods and letting young children dress themselves give kids “minor struggles and successes” that help them learn how to be self-sufficient and build skills and confidence.
Swim Lessons – The AAP recently changed its guidelines to say that kids should start swimming lessons at age one. Although swim lessons will never make a child “drown proof,” lessons between the ages of one to four years have been shown to reduce drowning risk, according to the AAP.
Sign Language – Just because your baby can’t talk doesn’t mean she’s not trying to tell you something. Advocates say teaching babies and toddlers basic signs (things like “eat,” “more” and “milk”) can increase confidence in both the kids and their caregivers, helping little ones who can’t yet speak get their needs met. Taking a class can mean a fun social outing for Mom or Dad—though you can also learn from home.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 2 to 4
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At this age, kids are ready—and willing!—to take on some responsibility around the house. You’ll know the time is right when you see them start pretending to do grown-up things, like playing “family” or play-driving the car when they’re in the push car. Take advantage of this need now by giving them:
Simple Household Chores – Give them a broom or a dustpan, and let them help you sweep the kitchen floor. You’d be surprised how willingly kids this age will want to help you clean. If you’re lucky, the habit will continue into their later years. Other simple household chores suitable for two-to three-year-olds, according to The Montessori Notebook are:
Help pack their backpack
Brushing/feeding the dog (just let it go when they make a mess!)
Helping make the bed (at four, kids should be able to at least pull up a duvet by themselves)
Placing clothing in the laundry and pushing the buttons you point to
Solo Playtime – As long as you’ve created a safe space to play, at this age most kids are generally past the swallowing-small-objects phase and can happily play by themselves for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. If your child is reluctant to play alone, just agree to be nearby, but set up toys with which they can play solo.
“Reading” Time – Your child doesn’t need to know how to read to get lost in a world of books. Give kids a stack of picture books and let them have at it. If they want to hear stories read out loud—but you still want them to be on their own—we love the Yoto player, a simple speaker designed for kids ages three and up that allows kids to insert small cards to read popular stories aloud.
Pick What they Wear – Something as simple as choosing their clothes can make a child feel incredibly independent, says Dr. Ungar. “Three-year-olds can’t negotiate their bedtimes, but they can decide to wear green pajamas or blue pajamas. The trick seems to be to find these ways that the child can make a genuine contribution.”
Use a Balance Bike – Kids may not be ready for a two-wheeler at age two… but a balance bike is an easy go-to! “Once a child can confidently walk around the house, they can start walking with a balance bike between their legs,” says Schwinn spokesperson Ryan Berkicht. “This could be as soon as 18 months old for some kids.”
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 4 to 6
Gross motor skills are advancing quickly at this age, too, so your kids should be ready for fun things like climbing on a play structure (without you constantly spotting), and using the “big kid swing” all by themselves. And while these may seem like ordinary childhood milestones, all of these accomplishments help them learn how to be self-sufficient and instill huge amounts of confidence. So cheer your kids on as they:
Brush Their Teeth: While most dentists advise that you keep assisting with their pearly whites until age 7, your kids should know how to brush their teeth all on their teeth by age 5 or 6—with you nearby to make sure there’s actual brushing going on (as opposed to just holding the electric toothbrush in their mouths while the motor revs). A good compromise is to let your kids do the morning brush and you can brush their teeth in the evening.
Use a Microwave with Supervision – Not only does using the microwave buttons help reinforce number recognition, but it also makes kids feel like real big kids. Teach your kids what can and can’t go in the microwave, and let them push the buttons and press “start” all on their own.
Ride a Two-Wheeler – Sure, some kids are ready for a two-wheeler at three years old—and some five-year-olds want nothing to do with a bike—but experts say age 5 or 6 is a good target age for getting a kid on her first two-wheeler. If they’ve been riding a balance bike or a bike with training wheels, they should be able to transition easily.
Have Drop-Off Play Dates – According to the AAP, kids around ages 5 and 6 are developmentally ready to be dropped off for play dates. Got a child who’s nervous about it? It might help to have the playdates at your house, where you can step away—but not out.
Day Camp – Since this is the age when kids start preschool or kindergarten, they’re also usually ready for day camp at this age, too. If your kids don’t seem uber-enthusiastic about camp, try to keep the camp schedule similar to their school schedule (if your child attends a half-day school, for instance, start with a half-day camp).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 6 to 8
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By this age, kids have started kindergarten and are usually happy to do anything that makes them feel grown-up and competent. So watch them closely for opportunities to teach them how to be self-sufficient—while also keeping them safe (for instance, let them ride a bike up and down your street, but make them wear a helmet). Here are some things kids are ready to do by this age:
Use a peeler to peel raw potatoes, ginger, mangoes, and other washed fruits and vegetables
Break eggs into a bowl (and remember to wash hands afterward)
Scoop out avocados after being sliced in half by an adult
Snap green beans
Shuck corn and rinse before cooking
Rinse and cut parsley or green onions with clean, blunt kitchen scissors
Take a Bath By Themselves – According to this article in the National Library of Medicine, most children can take a bath by themselves (i.e., without you sitting by the tub) by age 6. We recommend parents still stay within earshot and keep baths short enough that kids don’t get tired or rowdy in the bathtub by themselves.
Tie Their Shoes (with you supervising) – By age 6 or 7, most kids have the fine motor skills to attempt this surprisingly complex set of movements, according to Carolina Therapy Connection. You’ll know your child is ready to tie their shoes when they’re able to easily cut paper with scissors, string beads, or button and unbutton buttons.
Use a Computer to Browse the Internet – Experts recommend supervising children’s internet use at this age: If you’re not able to be there watching, you can use a filtering device like the Circle, which lets you dictate what apps and websites kids can and can’t visit online (as well as setting up bedtimes and screen time limits); or try a web filtering program like Microsoft Edge Kids Mode, which keeps your kids from seeing anything inappropriate online and lets you customize their web experience (it also prevents them from exiting the kid-safe browser to explore other apps on the computer).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 8 to 10
Older kids are ready for adventure! Now’s the time to loosen the reins and let them chart their course a little bit. By this age, your child might be ready to:
Have a Sleepover – Around this age, they may be ready—as long as they can sleep through the night, no problem. That said, before you send your kids to another person’s home for the night, they must understand body boundaries and inappropriate touching. “I do think it’s a great time to start teaching kids about appropriate touches and that we’re the boss of our bodies and we’re the boss of our private parts,” writes child abuse prevention expert Pattie Fitzgerald. She also urged parents to talk to the host parents so they’ll know exactly who will be supervising and whether there will be older kids (such as teenage-aged siblings) or extended family in the home. The answer to these questions may well alter your decision to say “yes,” as parents should have a strong baseline of trust with the hosts.
Note: Some experts believe children (and their parents!) aren’t ready for sleepovers until the age of 10 and up.
Go to Overnight Camp – As long as your child can shower, doesn’t wet the bed, and has shown no problems spending the night at friends’ or relatives’ homes, they’re probably ready for sleepaway camp. While many overnight camps offer programs for kids as young as six or seven, the American Camp Association gives age nine as the target age for kids to start the summer camp journey. Some camps offer one-week “starter” programs for reluctant or nervous campers.
Walk to School by Themselves(Under Certain Conditions) – The AAP says elementary school-aged kids can walk to school by themselves, provided the walk is short, the neighborhood is safe, and there are school crossing guards stationed at any intersections. If there are non-guarded streets or you live in a city, waiting until age 12 is better.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 10 and Up
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Tweens are all about breaking free and taking risks. Your job is to let them experiment with autonomy while still making sure they’ve got set limits to keep them safe. By age 10, kids can:
Be Left At Home for a Short Time – The laws vary on this, with some states like Oregon and Tennessee giving home-alone privileges to 10-year-olds and states like Colorado and Delaware saying 12 is a better age to start this. This Washington Post article gives state-by-state guidelines on the regulations, but it’s a good idea to check with your state’s Family or Child Services Department to be sure.
In any case, before you leave your kids home alone—even for a short time—it’s important that they know what to do in case of emergency and what your expectations are should unexpected things happen (like someone knocking on the door or a friend stopping by unannounced). The Department of Health and Human Services recommends that parents ask themselves these questions before leaving kids alone:
Is your child physically and mentally able to care for him or herself?
Does your child obey rules and make good decisions?
How does your child respond to unfamiliar or stressful situations?
Does your child feel comfortable or fearful about being home alone?
If you’re leaving for more than an hour, it’s best to wait to take your children. And experts say it’s not a good idea to let kids this age babysit younger children while no parents are home.
For more advice and tips, see this handout from the DHH.
Ride a Bike to School – It’s hard to find any specific laws about kids riding bikes to school, but the American Academy of Pediatrics says that by late elementary school, most kids can safely do this, provided the route is short and the roads safe. Before your child starts riding to school, make sure you practice the route with them (several times!) and go over what to do if unexpected things arise, such as a fall or a flat tire. If it makes you feel better, have your child wear a GPS watch or other tracking device to alert you when she gets to school safely.
Of course, you should always make sure your kids wear a good-fitting helmet and try to enlist a friend to ride along, to ensure both kids get there safely.
This is it. The bridge to the young adult years. Kids in this final stretch to the teens are longing to break free, so the trick is to let them feel independent and learn how to be self-sufficient while encouraging them to make responsible choices. Here are some things they’re ready to do now:
Have Their Own Cell Phone – While many argue that cell phones should wait until high school, middle schoolers can have a phone, provided it is monitored and filtered by the parents. Before you give your child a phone, have them sign a technology agreement that lays out the rules—for instance, no cell phones should be allowed in your child’s room overnight, and your child should know that you will read and monitor her messages. To keep your kids off inappropriate or dangerous apps and sites, use apps and programs like Screentime (for iPhones), Circle, or Securly.
Babysit Younger Children – There are no real legal restrictions for babysitting (except in states that have laws on when kids can be left alone), but the Red Cross doesn’t allow kids to take its babysitting course until age 11. By 12, kids should be able to babysit with a grown-up present in the house (or for short times when a grown-up leaves the house); by 14, they can usually babysit younger children on their own. When it comes to an older sibling watching the younger kids in the house, parents need to ask themselves whether their oldest is mature enough and responsible enough to handle the task. If there are any doubts, skip it.
Be Dropped Off in a Public Place with Friends – As long as your child agrees to stay with the group and you’ve talked about uncomfortable situations (if a stranger talks to them or if other kids are experimenting with drugs or alcohol), most experts agree that by middle school—or around age 13—kids can be dropped off at public place (like a movie theater or mall) for a few hours as long as they are in a group and you are leaving them in a safe location. This depends, of course, on your child’s level of maturity, your city’s crime rate, and whether you trust them to make good decisions.
Note: Check with your state laws before letting your teen go to certain places solo: Some states, such as Minnesota and Delaware, do not permit children under 16 to be in certain malls without adult supervision, according to this article.
We all know that screen time for toddler-aged kids should be limited, but let’s be real, sometimes we need to make dinner, clean the house, or kill some time while waiting at the pediatrician’s office. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers the following screentime guidelines:
Between 18 and 24 months, screen time should be limited to watching educational programming with a caregiver.
For children 2-5, limit non-educational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on weekend days.
Instead of beating ourselves up for allowing our kids to watch a show, speech-language pathologist Moira Chrzanowski suggests that we take the opportunity to help our little ones develop their language skills. “For the most part in that zero to five age range, verbal language skills should be your top priority as far as education goes, and that includes listening and speaking skills.”
Some shows do a much better job at teaching these skills, Chrzanowski explains on her TikTok account @rooted.in.language. “When choosing media that’s going to be high quality for your kid, you need to intentionally choose based on what’s age appropriate that hits that zone of proximal development… that means they’re actually able to engage and learn, not [something] that’s way above their head so they disengage and become passive listeners.”
These are the three shows she recommends and why they are so great:
Miss Rachel: “She expertly employs a parentese, child-directed style of speaking. She specifically targets the articulation of speech sounds and vocabulary building. She shamelessly exploits the power of song and repetition to great effect, and she explicitly teaches vocabulary and scripts for functional social routines and common activities—things like getting dressed for different weather, bedtime, playground play, going to the zoo, going to a birthday party. All of these strategies target big, complex skills and target them well, making her show the ‘chef’s kiss’ for having an actual impact on language development,” Chrzanowski says.
Peppa Pig: “What I like about Peppa is the short and relatable story arcs, shorter than Bluey. Yes. Bluey episodes aren’t long, but they’re too long for a lot of two-year-olds. And a lot of the Bluey topics are complex, which mostly go over a two-year-old’s head and therefore don’t hold their attention,” Chrzanowski explains. “Peppa Pig episodes are under five minutes long. They’re simple, they’re happy, they’re the kind of plots a two-year-old can begin to follow… The best part about Peppa Pig for building language skills is the slow rate of speech. The dialogue and narration in Peppa Pig is noticeably slower than your average rate of speech.”
Daniel Tiger:“The best feature of Daniel Tiger is its use of short repeated songs to address daily feelings, problems, and experiences. I’m talking [about] little ditties that are 10 seconds or less. Each little melody surrounds a particular theme and is repeated frequently across a single episode,” Chrzanowski says. “This aspect of Daniel Tiger is the main reason I find it so effective for building language skills—because it hits two key checkpoints for language learning: memory and motivation. Memorable because of the short, repetitive, catchy tunes a lot like commercial jingles. Motivating because the topics are highly relevant and immediately applicable to toddlers’ little lives.
So there you have it! The next time you need to pull out a screen, cut yourself some slack and remember that you’re helping them become better communicators in every way possible.
There used to be this thing called sleep that we would get at night before any number of tiny humans came into the picture. You probably vaguely remember it. It was nice. But small kids and a good night’s sleep rarely go hand-in-hand, which leaves many parents scrambling to find a solution for their nighttime woes. It’s one thing to have a baby who wakes in the wee hours—we’re repeatedly warned about that—but what about a toddler whose stalling leads to a two-hour bedtime routine, or school-aged kids bolting awake multiple times a night? A lot of parents are taking matters into their own hands, turning to melatonin for some bedtime help. So, does it work? And, more importantly, is melatonin safe for kids?
To learn more about the risks and benefits of melatonin use in children, we spoke to Dr. Sara Siddiqui, a pediatrician at Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital in New York.
What is melatonin and how does it help with sleep?
“Melatonin is a hormone that is naturally found in the body to assist with circadian sleep rhythm and falling asleep,” Siddiqui explains. When you purchase melatonin gummies, pills, or tablets, you’re getting a synthetic version of that hormone that delivers a similar result.
Essentially, melatonin supplements create a signal that bedtime is here—think of it like sending a memo to your brain that says it’s time to get some shut-eye. When you’re dealing with jet lag, for example, it can be really helpful in coaxing your body to fall asleep at a different time than it’s used to. However, Siddiqui points to research indicating that taking melatonin does not help people stay asleep or get better quality rest during the night, which means it won’t stop your four-year-old from bouncing out of bed at 4 a.m. ready to start their day.
Is melatonin bad for kids?
Melatonin can be appropriate for kids when it’s given in the correct dose and only on occasion. “As a pediatrician, I understand the issues with children and sleep,” Siddiqui says. “Some children over the age of 2 may need supplementation of melatonin to assist in falling asleep for a brief period of time.”
While taking melatonin regularly isn’t something that most doctors or sleep experts recommend for children (or adults, for that matter), there’s a time and place for it. “I do recommend melatonin for certain children who are having difficulty falling asleep for various reasons,” Siddiqui says. “Perhaps a stressful event, or a change in environment, a new sibling, or a change in behavior.” It’s also been shown to help kids with ADHD or autism spectrum disorder who have sleep disturbances. Siddiqui stresses that melatonin should be used under the supervision of a pediatrician or another doctor specializing in children’s health, adding that it should be given temporarily and in low doses.
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It’s also important to remember that because melatonin is a supplement, not a prescription drug, it’s not regulated by the FDA the same way pediatric ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and other medications are. This means there is no regulatory oversight on the content of melatonin gummies or tablets, and parents can’t be sure that they’re buying a safe, high-quality product. A study published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine looking at 31 melatonin supplements found that 71% of the products had more than 10% variance from the amount of melatonin they claimed to contain—and a quarter of the products also contained unauthorized (and unlabelled) serotonin!
Basically, it’s a bit of a Wild West where melatonin is concerned, but if it’s used temporarily under the guidance of your pediatrician the risks should be low. The biggest issue is when it’s taken casually or on a regular basis.
How much melatonin is safe for kids?
Siddiqui recommends speaking to your child’s doctor for personalized advice before offering them melatonin. Generally speaking, the typical dosage for kids aged 2-5 would be 1-2mg. A school-aged child may be given slightly more—perhaps 1-3mg—whereas someone over the age of 13 could take anywhere from 1-5mg in a single dose. Most medical professionals will recommend a low dose to start with. Because melatonin supplements differ by brand and all children are different, individualized guidance from a pediatrician is ideal.
Are there melatonin side effects for kids?
Most kids won’t have side effects from taking melatonin supplements, but some will experience headaches, increased bedwetting, nightmares, dizziness, agitation, or grogginess. Luckily, these symptoms typically subside as soon as they stop taking the melatonin supplement. Some researchers have speculated that melatonin can affect puberty-related hormones in children (due to similar findings in studies on animals) but there is no firm evidence and no long-term clinical trials have been conducted to date.
Can children overdose on melatonin?
Unfortunately, melatonin overdoses can and do happen—especially because kids and seniors are more sensitive to these supplements. Fortunately, the risk to their health is fairly low. “While [melatonin] overdoses can lead to excessive sleepiness, headaches, nausea, or agitation, luckily they aren’t dangerous most of the time,” according to Harvard Medical School.
Still, given the lack of regulatory oversight and extensive long-term research, this doesn’t mean that over-the-counter melatonin is completely safe. “Many sleep problems can be better managed with a change in schedules, habits, or behaviors rather than taking melatonin,” the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) stressed in a recent health advisory.
If you do choose to give your kids melatonin, be sure to discuss it with your family doctor first and always stick to the recommended dosage for your child’s age and/or weight. Don’t cut melatonin gummies or tablets in half since this can lead to inconsistent dosing.
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Other ways to help kids sleep
We understand why exhausted moms and dads are reaching for melatonin, but if it’s late-night Googling that brought you to the supplement you’ve probably also seen the term “sleep hygiene” thrown around—and research indicates that good sleep hygiene is way more effective when it comes to improving your kiddo’s sleep.
“Sleep issues in children are quite common,” Siddiqui says. “The practice of sleep hygiene and good sleep habits is so important to develop from an early age or any time there seems to be a disruption in sleep regulation.”
So what is sleep hygiene? It’s forming the good habits that help your body pick up on those time-for-sleep signals and release its own melatonin, which it does mostly as a result of being in the dark. She recommends:
a quiet period with no screen time for at least one hour before bedtime
a sound sleep routine consisting of a bath and bedtime story
teaching self-soothing techniques to help kids fall asleep and fall back asleep if they wake in the night
a consistent bedtime and awake time in the morning (yes, even on the weekend—we’re sorry)
Siddiqui also notes that sleep patterns will vary by age, so always start by asking your doctor for guidance if you have concerns about your kid’s health or sleep habits. Good luck and good night!
Babies who were exposed to more TV and video had a harder time appropriately processing sensory information
What parent hasn’t resorted to some Elmo or Bluey time when faced with a squirmy one-year-old on an airplane or waiting for a never-on-time pediatrician? It’s inevitable. But a new study looking at the impact of screen time on sensory processing has found that less is more when it comes to little kids and screens. “[E]arly-life television or video exposure was associated with atypical sensory processing in low registration, sensation seeking, sensory sensitivity, and sensation avoiding,” according to JAMA Pediatrics.
The study followed 1,471 children, half male and half female, and measured their viewing of television or video at 12 months, 18 months, and 24 months of age. This was followed up with a measure of sensory processing at around 33 months, when caregivers filled out surveys about each toddler’s reaction to sensory inputs like lights, textures, and noises.
Babies who watched any television or videos at 12 months of age were twice as likely to experience challenges in processing sensory information appropriately, as compared with their peers. At 18 months, kids with higher levels of screen exposure were found to have both difficulties in processing sensory information as well as a higher motivation to avoid sensory exposure. By 24 months, the researchers saw higher screen time linked to sensation seeking, sensory sensitivity, and sensation-avoiding behaviors.
This comes on the heels of another recent study linking screen time to developmental delays in children. However, the causal relationship between screen time and these negative developmental and sensory outcomes can’t be proven at this time. “Further research is needed to understand the relationship between screen time and specific sensory-related developmental and behavioral outcomes, and whether minimizing early-life exposure can improve subsequent sensory-related outcomes,” says the JAMA Pediatrics study. It’s also important to gather more updated data, since this research started a decade ago when kids were more likely to be watching TV or DVDs rather than tablets or mom’s phone.
“Considering this link between high screen time and a growing list of developmental and behavioral problems, it may be beneficial for toddlers exhibiting these symptoms to undergo a period of screen time reduction, along with sensory processing practices delivered by occupational therapists,” lead author Dr. Karen Heffler, an associate professor of psychiatry in Drexel’s College of Medicine, said in a statement.
Now, we know what some of you may be thinking: Oh great, another study telling me I’m messing up and can’t rely on screen time? But even study researchers wouldn’t take that away from you. The bottom line is if you think you’re relying on TV time a bit too heavily, try to dial it back. And make sure you mix in lots of family time playing with your baby face to face, showing them lots of emotions and expressions, reading to them, and engaging with toys. It’s all about balance.
Puzzles are a must-have in any toddler’s toy collection
We are huge, huge fans of puzzles for toddlers. While there’s nothing wrong with some screen time, coloring, or playing pretend (in fact, we adore those things), puzzles are a classic that combines playtime with learning. They help little ones with motor skills and recognition, and they often hold their attention for a solid amount of time. There are wins aplenty here, folks!
Of course, we can’t throw them a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle (not that you would. We just have to cover our bases here.). Puzzles for toddlers are specifically designed for little hands and developing minds. Animal friends, shapes, colors, and recognizable characters are ideal (and luckily, we have all those and more below). And don’t sweat it if your babe isn’t immediately interested in actually matching the pieces to their spots right off the bat. Just holding, examining, and playing with puzzle pieces are super enriching for little ones! Our picks for the best puzzles for 1-3+ years are below.
Montessori Dinosaur Toddler Puzzles Set of 5
Montessori Mama on Amazon
Montessori Mama's wooden puzzles feature 5 of your little one's favorite dinos in vibrant colors designed to encourage your little one to play and keep them engaged!
Color and shape recognition is one of the first steps in your babe's development, so you definitely can't go wrong with this colorful wooden puzzle from GYBBER&MUMU.
This unique floor puzzle that features 3 simple first puzzles—just 3 pieces each!—of the Bumble Nums Characters Grumble, Bumble, and Stumble. Adorable, right? The mini character puzzles then fit together as parts of the larger 34-piece floor puzzle, so it grows with your kiddo.
Your toddler can use this Chuckle & Roar puzzle set to learn shapes and colors at the same time in the Shapes & Colors puzzle. Then, they'll learn about the sounds each cute little animal makes in the wooden Animal puzzle!
They'll be building critical thinking skills and fine motor skills with Puzzle Builders from Lakeshore Learning. Each chunky piece has a sweet 3D ladybug, spider, or bug and all the pieces fit together no matter how they're connected for no-fail play.
Melissa & Doug puzzles are super popular, and with this clever cube puzzle, you can see why. It's actually 6 puzzles in 1, with each side of the cube pieces creating a different darling farm animal.
This puzzle set includes 4 different puzzles with different levels of difficulty with beautiful illustrations and important messages. It even includes a mindfulness booklet!
Montessori Rabbit and Bear Silicone Puzzles Set of 2
Oliver & Company Montessori Toys
These silicone puzzles almost work as art on top of being so much fun to play with. This set includes both the rabbit and bear puzzles, each made of soft silicone!
Help them build this huge 3' long 45-piece puzzle! It features five mini puzzles that increase in piece count from 1 to 5 and fit into the main jigsaw.
It's never too early to start learning about diversity, and this interchangeable puzzle not only introduces them to different races and ethnicities, it also shows them the different characteristics we share that connect us.
It's always good to see a friend, and your toddler gets to hang with JJ and his buddies while they play and master these puzzles. Each one sports a different Cocomelon scene, too!
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