What we say to girls matters. “Our daughters script their stories, at least partially, on how we write them,” says speaker and author Dr. Jody Carrington, Ph.D. “Showing them how we want them to show up in the world while using words that empower them–like “leaders” who are kind and clear, confident, reflective, and responsible—is what they need from us, now more than ever.” While we need to know the phrases that empower the next generation of women, it’s also good to learn what not to say to your daughter.
1. Boys will be boys.
This old-fashioned response to a girl expressing her dislike of a boy’s behavior is toxic. Girls should be taught from a young age that boys shouldn’t get away with unacceptable actions due to their gender. Parents can show their daughters that they take these issues seriously by listening with empathy and taking steps to change the situation.
2. You got lucky.
A Center for Creative Leadership study found that “nearly ½ of all women interviewed attributed their success to ‘luck’ compared to only ⅓ of men.” If we want girls to grow into women who own their achievements, we need to celebrate the work they put into achieving their goals. Did your girl ace her last test? Tell her you’re proud of the way she studied for it. Did she learn a new song on the piano? Celebrate her commitment to regular practice. The more we connect girls’ achievements to their efforts, the easier it will be for them to avoid impostor syndrome as adults.
3. Stop being so bossy.
Telling a girl she’s ‘bossy’ feeds into the stereotype that only boys get to be assertive and girls should be quiet and retiring. Instead, celebrate that she feels confident enough in her opinions to instruct others. Say something like, “You’re so good at making plans for games! Remember that your game should be fun for everybody. Let your friend make some decisions too.” This helps her hone those emerging leadership skills.
4. You would be a lot prettier if you smiled more.
This phrase implies that your daughter’s feelings are less important than looking attractive to everyone else. If you’re worried that your daughter’s overall outlook on life is negative, find ways to discuss the issue without connecting it to her appearance or likeability. “Knowing that they are loved as they help with building self-belief and confidence, especially when others around them are being unkind,” says Dr. Angela Low, a researcher at Child Health BC.
Discuss the long-term consequences of focusing on the negative in every situation. Negative people miss out on the good things in the world because they fail to notice them. Consider starting a gratitude journal with your daughter. Or have her tell you two positive things about a situation every time she says something negative. You’ll not only help her notice the good details in life but also help her regulate the stories she tells herself.
If your daughter shares details about her day-to-day life with you, consider yourself lucky. “Resilience researchers study kids that thrive despite difficult circumstances. These kids have one thing in common–a trusted adult who they believe loves them unconditionally,” Dr. Low says.
“Knowing that an adult has their back no matter what means that they have somewhere to go to seek advice and counsel, when life gets a little overwhelming, or when they make mistakes (as we all do).” Show you’re there for her, even if you’ve heard enough about YouTube and TikTok to last a lifetime. Listen to her now so she will open up to you when it’s crucial, later. If you absolutely can’t listen right away, try saying this: “You’re important to me, and I want to focus on what you have to say. Can you wait for me to finish this task so I can listen to you?”
In this era of competitive parenting, you might find yourself looking at another child who is a better dancer, student, athlete, etc. But telling your child they don’t do XYZ as well as another kid is harmful. It leads kids to feel “less than” which leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and other issues. Remember, there’s always going to be someone who does something better than all of us, and it’s better to point out their strengths or guide them to the things that interest them, not what might just look good in a social media feed.
7. You should go on a diet.
Want to know how to talk to your daughter about her weight? Don’t. Instead, teach her how her body works and what types of food and exercise make her body healthy, strong, and well-nourished. Make sure she knows that the bodies she sees in magazines and social media have been digitally edited to achieve that look. Talk about society’s pressures on women to look a certain way, even though bodies come in all shapes and sizes.
Compliment her for the things her body can do. And make sure you talk about how proud you are of the things YOUR body can do. If she sees you loving your real-world body, it will be easier for her to develop a healthy relationship with food.
8. That’s not for girls.
It’s the 21st century, y’all. Women are achieving amazing things in sports, business, and the sciences. Encourage your daughter to pursue her dreams regardless of whether her aspirations are in traditionally male-dominated areas or not. Worried that she may run across people who treat her unkindly because they don’t think girls should apply? You can help her navigate any future challenging circumstances now. Connect her to training, sponsors, and networks that can support her goals. This will build her self-confidence and resilience as she pursues her ambitions.
First birthday gifts can be a little tricky. You want to introduce them to fun new things while also keeping it age-appropriate. Their personality is starting to shine, too, so leaning into their developing interests is a great move, too. What’s a mom to do? Look no further than the stars for guidance on the best gifts for the new toddler in your life.
These are some of the best toddler toys out there, if we do say so ourselves, and we’ve consulted their horoscopes for the best presents to make their big day even better. Plus, we’ve included some bonus zodiac info you might not know about your babe! Keep in mind that these goodies do vary in age recommendations, so consider what you believe your little one is ready for. Now, follow the stars to the best first birthday gifts based on your kiddo’s zodiac sign!
If you feel like your Aries kiddo is in charge of the whole house, you can thank their natural leadership skills. A fire sign, and the first sign of the zodiac, this little ram has a bold, spicy personality that makes them brave, confident, and generally self-assured. Those are traits many of us, even as adults, struggle with, so having a natural sense of self-confidence is incredible. While they really aren’t arrogant, their security in themselves makes them driven and ambitious. They’re competitive and determined, energetic and a little impulsive.
Your Aries babe is dynamic and majorly ready for adventure at any time. Honesty will be a major value they develop, and along with their strong leadership skills comes the ability to bring others together and build community. It’s likely they’ll want the whole family to participate in game nights (of their choosing, of course), and although their fire sign nature can lead to some hot-headedness (we’re sure you’ve noticed) and cutting words, these dynamic and energetic kiddos are reliable, magnetic, and never dull.
My First Pinball Activity Table
Little Tikes
A toddler-ready pinball activity table is the perfect way to celebrate your energetic and fun-loving Aries baby. Sounds, numbers, balls, and more make this retro-themed toy a big win!
Aries toddlers have all the energy to climb, crawl, and jump full throttle into whatever they're doing. This soft foam climbing set gives them the space and freedom to explore and feed their adventurous natures.
Celebrate their ability to push through obstacles, approach challenges head-on, and blaze their own fiery trail with this adorable Aries-inspired plush ram by Jellycat!
Even at 12 months old, your Taurus kiddo is highly intuitive. There’s a good chance you’ve noticed them exploring the world using all 5 of their senses, even more than the average toddler. These bull-y babes are notorious for being exceptionally sensitive to the people and environment around them and are likely to surprise you with their ability to ‘read’ situations and people from a young age. Your Taurus will also be right about their sense of things more often than not, so when they stubbornly (they’re the bull, of course) insist they get a ‘vibe’ about something, it’ll definitely be worth taking seriously.
Tapping into their intuitive abilities gives them a strong sense of favoritism. They’ll use each one of their senses to quickly pick out their favorite foods, movies, places, and people that suit them best. Two of their faves? Sunshine and fresh air. This Earth sign is definitely solar-powered. They’re also deeply grounded and solid, so reconnecting with nature and getting their hands dirty is always a good idea when they’re having a particularly bull-headed moment.
Bio Sand & Garden Kit
Danrie
'Grounding' really is the name of the game when it comes to your Taurus, so this gardening set is ideal for the sandbox and their own patch of the garden. It'll be their happy place.
This indoor playhouse brings the natural ground right into your home. Taurus babies will love the little retreat it offers and you'll love that the shatterproof acrylic lets you keep an eye on them (which you'll want to do when they're still young and not independently mobile, especially). It's an investment, but they'll play with it for years!
Toddlers love sounds and pressing buttons, so a press-and-listen book is always a hit. This one is an awesome choice for your Taurus toddler to look through (while sitting in the playhouse, maybe?).
Gemini babies are born with exceptional communication skills, so if you have a serious babbler on your hands, it’s not necessarily just for the sake of hearing their own voice. This sign loves interaction and storytelling (which also gives them a little bit of a tendency to embellish their tales, so gently calling them out on those little white lies from a young age is a good idea). Geminis are known for their unpredictable personalities, thanks to the dueling twins as their ruler. That’s not a bad thing, though. They’re so fun and, despite sometimes running hot and cold, they’re actually really adaptable and curious.
Geminis are a social bunch. They have an excellent sense of humor, and a lot of that can be attributed to their exceptional intellect. They’re in the company of JFK, Walt Whitman, and Natalie Portman, and their intelligence can approach or reach genius level. Technology, gadgets, coding tools and toys are going to top their lists of interests. Your Gemini is likely an insatiably curious kiddo who can multitask like a master. Fostering their hunger for knowledge and natural engagement will be a parenting win for these little ones.
Customized Name Puzzle & Busy Board
Lovery Toys
Brilliant baby Geminis are great at puzzles, and not only is this one really cute; it also includes their names, so don't be surprised if they pick up how to spell it incredibly fast. The multitasking Gems will appreciate the busy b
This one should come as no surprise to moms of Geminis. A 60-piece Montessori play kit that covers your kiddo's love of learning and keeps them from slipping into the boredom zone.
The Smart Toddler Box is exactly what it says it is: 4 educational books, 2 sets of flashcards, a double-sided puzzle, and 2 shape-and-color matching boards.
Ah, your emotional little crab. They’re ruled by the moon and, just like their lunar influence, go through phases frequently. And while it’s true that Cancers are ultra-sensitive, they really are pretty darn easygoing and easy to please. Even when they are having a crabby moment, they’re very unlikely to lash out physically or act out. These crabby kiddos are empathetic, compassionate, and deeply nurturing. They notice everything and forget absolutely nothing.
When a Cancer child gets into one of their sullen moods, and they will, it’s a great time to break out an arts and crafts project so they can express their emotions. The good news? They do get over their cranky hermit moods pretty quickly. More often than not, you’ll get a ton of cuddle time thanks to their nurturing and family-oriented nature. Cancers are true sweethearts that love to be at home, be close, and thrive on gentle parenting approaches (they aren’t usually apt to take advantage of people), and will always glow under approval from those they love.
Melissa & Doug Baby Giraffe
Melissa & Doug
Encourage your Cancer baby's nurturing side with this sweet baby giraffe, complete with a bottle, pacifier, and cloth diaper. They'll love taking care of this little one!
My First Painting Petit Barbouille Mess-Free Paint Set
DJECO
This set comes with 4 laminated painting cards, so they can use the included washable non-toxic paints to create their masterpiece, and you can rinse and reuse them.
Loyal and affectionate, your Leo baby truly lives up to their lion ruler. It’s next to impossible to find a more dedicated leader, and no one will mind when they’re the first to stand up and take charge. Why? Because they don’t just enjoy leading; they excel at it. Making decisions is their forte, and that’s a trait you can capitalize on as a parent (“Would you rather where the blue shirt or the pink dress?”, etc.). They’re energetic, too, so anything that lets them move their body is a solid choice. This fire sign is a jungle gym boss. Try to stick with a regular bedtime, mom. Sleeping is not one of their talents. FOMO is strong with them.
You’ve probably noticed that ‘Drama’ is your lion cub’s middle name. Everything is big, bigger, biggest with a Leo baby. From the biggest smile in the room to the most epic tantrum in the least convenient moment, the lion roars with their whole chest. Sass and wit come easily to them, and they seek the spotlight at all times. Give them space to express themselves, to perform made-up plays and songs, and respect the importance they place on honesty above all, and you’ll be on the receiving end of their purr more often than their bite.
Toddler Dress-Up Trunk
Lakeshore Learning
A performer needs a wardrobe, and this toddler-friendly dress-up trunk is a costume-loving Leo's dream.
If there's anything your Leo loves, it's emulating you. You're the biggest, most important force in their little lives, and they crave that kind of energy. Does your little one see you sipping out of your tumbler all day? This adorable copy-cat mug is ideal for them.
Are you raising more of a rockstar than a movie star? Let them get their groove on with this piano featuring 24 keys, 8 percussion instruments, 4 musical instruments, 22 demo songs, volume control, play & record, karaoke, LED, and external MP3.
Meticulous. There’s no other word that applies more to this earth sign. They’re neat, exacting, and detail-oriented, and you can rely on them to be responsible from an early age. They adore helping, so letting them assist in household chores is a great way to bond with your little one. Highly organized and oh-so-smart, Virgo babes also tend to be extremely analytical. Those traits serve them well often, but it’s likely you’ll notice their innate intelligence often leads them to be exceptionally hard on themselves. It’s a good idea to remember that these shy-leaning kiddos aren’t necessarily seeking attention so much as reassurance.
Virgos are represented by a maiden carrying a shaft of grain, associated with their love of serving and their deep-rooted connection to the earth. Along with their desire to serve others, they’ll strive for perfection, no matter what. This can manifest in struggling with a sense of self-worth, insecurity, and feelings of inferiority. These struggles feel very real for them, so don’t hesitate to build them up without worrying their ego will become too inflated. Allow them to help out, praise and appreciate their hard work, and encourage them to get out of their heads from time to time and use their hearts to express themselves through art projects, writing, and getting a little messy (occasionally).
Learning Resources Farmers Market Sorting Set
Target
There's nothing a detail-oriented Virgo loves more than organization, and this sorting set is right up their meticulous alley.
Slumberkins Yak for Self-Acceptance & Positive Self-Talk
Slumberkins
Slumberkins were developed to teach toddlers and kids all about emotional regulation and social tools. Each animal teaches us something different, and Yak will encourage your perfectionist Virgo how to speak kindly to themselves and accept themselves as they are. Virgos are notoriously hard on themselves, so teaching them to ease up from an early age really sets them up for success.
The most idealistic people you know are likely Libras. As air signs, they float into the realm of borderline naive hopes that everyone will get along at all times and any kind of conflict can be triggering for these balance-craving babies. They’re natural negotiators and peacemakers. They love when everyone around them feels relaxed and at ease and they’ll go above and beyond to make sure of it. This ‘by any means necessary’ attitude towards achieving harmony can lead to people-pleasing and some difficulty confidently stating their opinions (though they certainly have them), especially in a group. Libras are social and are often everyone’s best friend, though they’ll limit their personal close contacts to just a few lucky people.
Your Libra adores beauty, sometimes to a fault. This can come off as shallow and materialistic, but ultimately, feeling surrounded by beauty is their love language. It contributes to their sense of harmony. They also have a strong belief in love and romance, and associate love with beauty of all kinds. They do struggle with making decisions, and are very much go-with-the-flow. They’re more peacemakers than leaders. Your Libra baby is ruled by Venus, so they love affection and can’t hear ‘I love you’ too much. Warm, quick-witted, and charming, their sweet dispositions are usually upset by overwhelm or a sense of injustice for themselves or others. Encourage their love of fairy tales as well as teaching them how to ground themselves when they get a little ‘floaty’ and you’ll keep them balanced and happy.
Foamnasium Bridges
Pottery Barn Kids
These soft foam 'bridges' can be used for climbing, lounging, or just adding a dreamy aesthetic to your Libra's space.
Each of the five colorful pins features different textures to feel plus a weighted base that wobbles and balances. What harmonious Libra kiddo could resist?
We all know that Scorpios are intense, and we wouldn’t change that for the world. They never do things with only half their heads or hearts, they’re deep, brilliant, and natural researchers. Scorpio babies feel things so deeply, and encouraging them from a young age to express their emotions in a healthy way instead of keeping it all bottled up will serve them well. They do tend to be slightly distrusting in general, so if they take a while to warm up to someone, it’s not lack of manners. Your little scorpion will test you, but that’s their way to making sure that your love is truly unconditional. They’re the ride-or-die sign that values loyalty and remains intensely aware of the people and things around them.
Scorpios get a bad rap of being secretive, but it’s not sneakiness so much as their introverted nature. They process everything internally and love a good mystery. It’s important to let your baby Scorpio know that it’s okay to talk their emotions out with someone they do trust while at the same time setting boundaries so they still feel in control. Your little one’s drive and determination can mask a sense of fear and insecurity that can lead to anxiety, so reassurances and giving them a sense of safety will be really helpful. Scorpios are magical, intuitive, and love with their whole hearts.
Mini Backpack with Safety Harness
Skip Hop
Ever the explorer, your Scorpio will need a backpack to keep their findings in (and you'll need a way to keep them from wandering off too far!). This toddler backpack also comes in a koala design.
Believe it or not, Scorpio isn't a fire sign. They're actually water signs, which explains their deep emotions and love of all things mysterious. These Sensory Play Jars will calm them down and help them center themselves while they investigate the glitter, lights, and more! There are also filler kits you can buy seperately to customize their jars.
Discovery is the name of the game for your Scorpio sweetie. Let them get wrapped up in this activity center that features a ton of early learning and sensory activities.
Sunshine-in-person-form, Sagittarius is a fire sign that’s more warmth than burn. They’re the wild child of the zodiac. They adore nature, the outdoors, adventure, and exploration. Your archer is an animal-lover, so they’ll ask for a pet (if you don’t already have one. If you do, expect them to want to add to the gang!). These babes are open-minded, progressive, and extremely free-spirited. Conformity and routine aren’t strong suits of theirs, and they really struggle with rules, so a great way to keep them from getting too far off track is to explain the logic behind rules so they understand that you don’t intend to stifle them; only to protect them.
These little ones are imaginative and creative and they would really prefer to avoid sitting in one place too long. Sports, walks, and physical play are favorites of this sign. Your Sagittarius will want to run errands with you and will make it an adventure instead of a chore. Take them to the park, to the grocery store, the dry cleaner, and expect them to add some sparkle to the whole afternoon. They’re fascinated with pebbles, sticks, and flowers, so they’re likely to come home with full pockets and random things in the bottom of their backpack. Little Sags can be impulsive and a little reckless, so guiding them without smothering them will help them thrive.
Manhattan Toy Put and Peek Birdhouse
Manhattan Toy
Your Sagittarius baby loves animals, so this soft birdhouse will let them take care of these little birdy friends, complete with birdhouse and handle so they can tote them anywhere.
This is such a beautiful set that'll appeal to Sagittarius' sense of wonder, connection to nature, and curiosity. Water-based paints and natural wood make this an awesome option for toddlers.
Your Capricorn baby is a true old soul. They come into the world wise beyond their years, and, similar to Virgos, they’ll strive for perfection. Under their goat ruler, they’ll reach the mountaintop or die trying, in so many words. They have an intensely strong work ethic and will need to be reminded to play, too. Capricorns are highly-productive and ambitious, preferring logic to emotion. Because of this, they give great advice without getting too wrapped up in being overly emotional.
It’s a good idea to keep in mind that these little goats are their own worst critics, so if they do make a mistake, even if discipline is needed, try to also remind them that they’re still lovable, smart, and worthy. They don’t shy away from responsibility, though it does take them some time to warm up to others on a personal level. Encouraging compassion and empathy will be great for them, especially teaching them compassion toward themselves. They won’t typically indulge in dress-up or playing pretend; play needs to have a point for Capricorns. Reward systems really resonate for this sign, too, so chore charts and allowance will be awesome drivers.
LeapFrog My First Learning Tablet
LeapFrog
Not only will they feel mature with this toddler-ready tablet, but they'll also get to learn a ton with lights, colors, and sounds. Available in two colors.
For these reward-centered kiddos, cause-and-effect toys are fantastic. This springy cloud features five colorful rainbow pop-up rods in three heights for a hands-on learning experience.
Unique and quirky, your Aquarius is so independent and fun, there’s never a dull moment. Individuality is their driving force, and encouraging their self-expression is ideal for raising happy water-bearers. They’re open-minded and a bit rebellious, but as long as you step back and embrace their little quirks and unique likes, their rebellious streak will be tempered. They march to the beat of their own drum, and their creativity knows no bounds.
Interpersonal relationships are paramount for air signs in general, but as the last air sign of the zodiac, Aquarius takes this trait to a whole new level. They’re deeply rooted in teamwork and the ‘greater good’, so they’ll often be involved in projects that connect with community and are the first to jump into anything revolutionary that feeds their humanitarian souls. As humanitarian as their souls are, they don’t do small talk or people-pleasing. They need something much deeper. Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the planet that governs innovation, technology, and surprising events, and that perfectly represents this visionary babe.
LED Light Table
Etsy
Don't worry; you can leave the sand for when they're a little older. This LED light table illuminates transparent toys and blocks, plus it changes colors to suit your Aquarius' mood. You can also buy light table toys separately to prevent the Aquarius boredom.
This fingerpaint kit is created specifically for toddlers to express themselves without mom and dad worrying about an unfixable mess. The paints are washable and the paper is specially coated to prevent seeping through.
The ultimate sensitive sign, those born under Pisces are considered to be darn near magical. They’re said to walk between reality and whatever lies beyond, so if you think your babe is growing into a child who just knows things, you’re probably right. This is a sign that has a high propensity for psychic abilities. As children, they don’t realize that not everyone has this sort of intuitive knowing, but once they do, they may try to bury that part of themselves, or simply retreat into themselves to avoid sensory overload. This can lead to others thinking these fish are a little snobby, when nothing could be further from the truth.
Pisces’ precious personalities are always looking for people and animals who might need help or who they consider vulnerable. They give generously and struggle with boundaries, so it’s your job to guide them into healthy relationship practices. True born artists, Pisces babies will express themselves through works of art that are dreamy and compelling. They love living in their sparkly, whimsical land of imagination, so reminding them when it’s time to focus on being grounded and present will help them out a lot. Pisces toddlers need gentleness and care above all things and a recognition of their extreme sensitivity to avoid hurt feelings. Take care of them with a lot of love and a delicate touch and your guppy is sure to shine.
Warmies Babydoll
Warmies
Warmies are fully microwavable and real lavender-scented that create the ultimate in comfort for adults and kiddos. Letting your Pisces care for a babydoll that also soothes them couldn't be more perfect. If babydolls aren't their preference, Warmies come in a huge assortment of lovable creatures!
Pisces have no problem connecting with their emotions, but identifying them by name can be a little tricky. These nesting fruit friends help introduce them to understanding and naming their feelings.
All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.
If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.
We want our kids to be liked, so when they’re not picked for a team or their BFF suddenly switches to another friend group, it’s almost (but not) harder for us than for our littles. After all, we want to help them build self-confidence and self-esteem, and when our kids feel left out, we’re stuck trying to figure out what to do.
That’s right, Mom and Dad. Our kids have got this—at least, most of the time. Read on to learn how to build self-confidence and self-esteem in kids when they feel left out and when you should (and shouldn’t) get involved.
First of all: Don’t tell your kids, “It’s not a big deal.”
Even at the most “inclusive” schools, your child’s school day holds a veritable minefield of opportunities to be excluded. A friend is sitting at a different lunch table? That’s a blow! A BFF chooses to play kickball instead of the usual recess chat session? Ouch! These moments might seem trivial to you, but these everyday moments are loaded with meaning for kids.
“Lunch is always a hard time because sometimes lunch tables change without warning. If your child is used to sitting with a certain group of kids one day and then someone suddenly switches to another table, it can feel really hurtful,” says Hurley. So resist the urge to tell your kid not to worry, and just empathize.
Empathize—and resist the urge to fix it.
If hearing that another child ignored your kid on the playground makes you want to go full Mama Bear, hold up. Letting your kids deal with their dramas may not be so bad. Hurley, who also wrote The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World, explains, “You don’t become resilient if you don’t go through hard things. Building distress tolerance is important.” Some things you can say:
It’s hard to feel left out.
I get it.
It looks like that really hurts.
I would feel lonely, too.
That sounds really hard.
Don’t try to rationalize (at least, not yet).
If your kid just found out they weren’t invited to a sleepover, now’s not the time to tell them how most parents can’t handle a soccer team-sized gaggle of kids on their living room floor. Let your child feel all the feelings and save the rationalizing for later.
“The child is feeling hurt and rejected, so your rationalizing and making it better is not addressing their hurt. Respecting where they are with feeling hurt is a top priority,” explains Jennifer Miller, founder of Confident Parents Confident Kids, a website based on Miller’s book of the same name.
Once your child has expressed their feelings and seems out of the red zone, that’s when you can try to give them an explanation.
Then, shift into problem-solving.
Once your child has felt all the big feelings and seems calm, try to shift the conversation to the future. If the problem is not having someone to play with at recess, for instance, talk about some easy ways they can learn to approach a group (this LifeHacker article has some good tips) or what other options there may be during that time frame (some schools allow kids to go to the library).
Talk about “Friendship Seasons.”
If your child’s best friend seems to be suddenly pulling away, remind your child that it doesn’t mean it’s forever. Parents should tell their kids that friendships may come and go like “seasons.”
“Sometimes friendships feel like summer all the time—you’re playing every day and everything is great—and then all of a sudden it’s winter,” Hurley said. “You can say something like, ‘It sounds like it’s time for a pause on this friendship.’”
Make a friendship map.
Hurley suggests that parents have kids draw a map of all the places they go–including sports teams, religious school, and extracurricular classes—and name all the kids who are their friends in those places. This helps them realize that while they may have their core besties at school, they’ve got buddies in other places, too.
Don’t make the other person the bad guy.
While it may offer consolation to say things like, “He’s just jealous” or to dismiss the offender as being “mean” or a “bully,” putting down the person who is doing the excluding only teaches your kid how to exclude, too! It also zaps any opportunity for your child to come up with solutions to the problem.
If the issue is one person dictating the games at recess, for instance, calling that friend “bossy” doesn’t make it better; but teaching your child how to develop—and enact—a turn-taking system does.
Don’t compliment our kids to make them feel better.
We’re parents; it’s natural to look for a way to build kids’ self-confidence and self-esteem when they’re down. But while our first reaction may be to praise them (“But you were the best one there!” “You’ll get it next time!” “I still love you!”), this may not always work when our kids are feeling left out.
“When we say something back to them to make them feel better . . . it actually lowers their self-confidence,” clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy said in this viral TikTok video. “Confidence isn’t feeling good about yourself; confidence is self-trust.” Instead, she said parents should say things like:
“I’m so glad you’re sharing that with me.”
“Tell me more.”
“Keep going.”
Kennedy said, “When we show our kids that we’re not scared of their experiences, they learn not to be scared of those same experiences.”
Know when it’s FOMO.
Nobody can go to every event, party, and sports game happening on any given Saturday—despite how some kids may feel. So if your kid breaks down when they find out something is happening without them, try to remind them of all the activities and events they are doing.
Talk about inclusion.
Now that your child knows what it feels like to be left out, you’ve got the perfect opportunity to talk to them about how it may feel for others. Don’t do this when your child is upset; instead, keep it in your back pocket to bring up later. “Kids should know that sometimes they will be excluded and sometimes they will be the excluder. That can begin to open up conversations about being inclusive,” says Hurley.
Realize that there’s a silver lining.
Sometimes, being left out can be a powerful motivator. Not making the soccer team may push an aspiring soccer player to practice more; conversely, not getting a part in the school play may make a child realize they don’t like acting that much anyway.
Even more importantly, feeling left out is a perfect opportunity to build empathy. “It really hurts to be left out, to feel rejected, but it allows kids to begin to empathize and have compassion for others who are marginalized and to learn how to be an inclusive child which is not automatic,” states Miller.
Know when something more is going on.
If your child is perpetually feeling left out, you might want to do a little digging to figure out what might be going on. “A lot of times the kids who are always left out are the ones who keep to themselves or who hang back and wait to be asked,” Miller says. Those kids may need a little more coaching to step into things on their own. If you know they want to be in the talent show, for instance, help them find a group long before the week of the show.
Of course, if the issue is bullying or a child feeling excluded from all social events, you may want to talk to a teacher or the school psychologist or find a therapist to help your child. “Deliberately being left out because kids are being unkind, that’s never a good experience. That’s a different conversation,” Hurley says.
If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.
As parents, we’re always trying our best to support and encourage our children and build up their self-confidence so they can thrive in the real world. But there are times when the words and phrases we choose end up doing more harm than good. Sometimes it’s out of a lack of understanding; other times, it’s because we simply lost our cool—who among us hasn’t snapped a bit after the 500th interruption?
To break those toxic cycles and help our kiddos grow into their best selves, though, we need to be more mindful of the things we say. Even if you have toddlers who are on the younger side, you can stay ahead of the game by being prepared not to start any of these bad habits. So have a look at this list of phrases that might secretly undermine our child’s self-confidence and learn some new alternatives that can get your point across without causing any real damage.
1. “Why can’t you do anything right?” (or “You can’t even do this simple thing!”)
Most of us have had a moment of weakness where we snapped at our kid for being unable (or unwilling) to complete the simplest task. You might be frustrated at their constant need for your help, but despite your feelings, this is one type of phrase you just don’t want to use.
“This kind of statement is an absolute negative, making the child believe that they’re inherently incapable,” says Alex Anderson-Kahl, a nationally certified school psychologist. “Over time, they may internalize this belief, thinking they’re incompetent in all areas.”
Dr. Thai Alonso, a bilingual licensed clinical psychologist, agrees that this sort of phrase corrodes a child’s self-worth.
“(Additionally) the impact it has on the parent-child relationship… oftentimes becomes the archetype for future relationships. Think about it this way, ‘How would I feel if my child’s friends or future partner spoke to them this way?’ Instead of shaming, try being curious about what got in the way. For instance, ‘We agreed that you would [insert task] and it did not get done. What happened?’” she says.
2. “You’re not as good as [another child].” or “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother/another child?”
There’s never a good reason to compare a child to their siblings, cousins, or other peers.
“Comparing a child negatively to others can make them feel inadequate and less valued. They might begin to believe they can never measure up or that their own achievements are worthless,” Anderson-Kahl says.
According to Dr. Alonso, “Comparisons to siblings are especially insidious and often breed resentment. As parents, it is in our children’s best interest to support their sibling relationships (one of the few lifelong relationships most people have) instead of using them as leverage and to instill shame.” Dr. Alonso recommends using phrasing like, “I am feeling frustrated and want to help us figure this out. What is going on?”
“Leave the comparison out of it. We already do enough of that on our own,” she adds.
3. “You’ll never be able to do that.”
Why would a parent want to put a boundary on what their child can achieve? This is especially true for toddlers and little kids who are inherently driven to seek independence and practice new skills.
“Telling a child what they can’t do sets a limitation on their potential. They might become fearful of trying new things, believing they’re destined to fail,” Anderson-Kahl says.
Instead of adding fear, anxiety, and insecurity, you can try asking a child why they would like to do the activity or action in mind, and even help them brainstorm ways to reach their goal. Even if it’s something that feels out of our own reach, there’s no reason to put a damper on their dreams.
4. “You never do as I say.” or “You don’t listen to me.”
All children are defiant at some point, and a lot of this is perfectly typical and even good for their development. But using absolutes like “never” is rarely useful.
“When a child is constantly told, ‘You never do as I say,’ they may internalize this belief and think they are incapable of following instructions,” says Matt Scubert, a mental health counselor that works with children and parents.
“In contrast, a more constructive parental response would be, ‘You are usually such an amazing listener. Why are you struggling to listen this time?’ By phrasing it this way, the child is reminded of their usual positive behavior as an active listener, which fosters a positive self-perception,” he says.
iStock
5. “You make me feel [insert negative experience].”
It’s not always intentional, but many a stressed parent has likely inadvertently blamed their child for their feelings.
“This can range all the way from something like, ‘You made me so mad!’ to something cruel such as, ‘You make me wonder why I even had another child.’ These messages come from a place of parental desperation and communicate to children that they are the parent’s source of grief, are responsible for the way their parents feel, are disliked, and maybe even abhorred,” Dr. Alonso says.
She recommends that parents remember children ultimately just want to feel loved and respected and should take a beat to calm down before letting a phrase like this slip out.
“A parent can be honest and communicate their frustration or worry in a healthy way. One way of doing this would be: ‘I was really mad before because I was so worried about what it would be like for you if you failed this test. I love you and want good things for you. Let’s talk about what got in the way of you studying and how I can support you,’” she says.
6. “It’s no big deal.” or “It’s not scary.”
Building a child’s self-confidence includes acknowledging and respecting their feelings, even if they don’t align with ours.
“For instance, saying something like ‘This isn’t scary’ to a child that is anxious about something reinforces that their feeling isn’t valid,” says Jill DiPietro, owner and therapist at Foundations Therapy in NYC. “The same is true for minimizing behaviors. For instance, ‘Stop crying. This isn’t a big deal.’ These types of statements minimize a child’s natural feelings and reactions,” she says.
DiPietro says these types of comments can lead to friction in the parent-child relationship, resulting in kids feeling unsafe to express their genuine emotions.
“Instead, practice pairing empathy with encouragement. This may sound like this: ‘I know you feel scared right now and know that mom is here to support you,’ or ‘This can feel scary. It’s okay to cry. I know we can be brave and do this together,’” DiPietro says.
7. “I don’t know why I bother with you.”
It isn’t hard to imagine a parent asking a child to help them with something only to find the child is unable to complete the task, and then becoming increasingly impatient or annoyed with said child. But that doesn’t give license to utter a phrase like this.
“This (phrase) indicates a lack of worth or value in the child’s presence or efforts. Feeling unappreciated or unwanted can lead to feelings of rejection and a belief that they’re unlovable. Words carry weight, especially coming from influential figures in a child’s life. Positive reinforcement, patience, and understanding are crucial for nurturing their self-esteem and confidence,” Anderson-Kahl says.
8. “You’re just not trying hard enough.”
Not all that dissimilar from the last phrase, this one puts a lot of pressure and shame on the child that’s hearing it. While some kids might not always put forth all the effort (because maybe they want to return to playing a game or having free time), this is the wrong way to go about encouraging them.
According to Dr. LeMeita Smith, a psychologist and a psychological advisor at Tarotoo, “When we tell a child that they’re not trying hard enough, we think we’re motivating them, but what they might hear is that their best isn’t good enough. We’re indirectly asking them to measure up to some impossible standard. This can chip away at their confidence, making them doubt their abilities and lose faith in their effort.”
9. “I do everything for you, and this is how you treat me?”
While many parents sacrifice a lot to give their child as much as possible, there’s never a reason to put this on the child’s shoulders, especially when they are still growing.
“This (phrase) can make children feel like they owe something for being cared for. It can create guilt and the notion that love and care are transactional,” says Bayu Prihandito, a certified psychology expert. “Words have a lasting impact, especially on young minds. These phrases can instill negative perceptions in kids… and over time, these beliefs can shape their personalities and behaviors in adverse ways.”
Rather than try and guilt children into being thankful, it’s better to try and instill a regular gratitude practice in their daily lives.
Sending your kids to camp is a decision filled with anticipation, excitement, and a touch of parental anxiety. As a camp owner and mom of two campers, I try to remind other parents about the fantastic choices they’ve made that will contribute to years of joy and lasting memories.
Here are seven summer camp tips to ease the process and ensure both you and your child have a positive experience.
1. You’ve made a great choice
Your decision to send your child to camp is not just commendable; it’s a testament to your understanding of the benefits that come with the camp experience. Embrace the fact that they might be stepping out of their comfort zone, and that’s entirely okay. Trust your decision, knowing that the discomfort will likely transform into valuable life lessons and cherished memories.
2. Share your calm, not your chaos
If you’re feeling distressed, remind yourself that you are the adult in the situation—with your calm leadership, you are setting your kids up for an experience that will lead to a lifetime of great camp memories. Remember that there’s nothing to worry about, and whenever you are stressed and frazzled, try to stay composed, as your kids can feel the same, too! By calming down and approaching camp with a relaxed nature, you are guiding your campers toward a much more successful experience.
3. Embrace the discomfort
Part of being human is being uncomfortable. That means that being human at camp will also come with being uncomfortable. Encourage your child to embrace discomfort as an integral part of their growth. It’s normal for them to feel a bit uneasy initially, but this discomfort will lead to personal development, resilience, and increased self-confidence.
Keep in mind that moments of discomfort are stepping stones to a more confident and adaptable child. These uneasy feelings might come from social situations that stretch their interpersonal skills, or they might be physical discomforts. When you attend a traditional camp like Tumbleweed Day Camp, campers are outside (a.k.a sometimes hot in the sun!), in nature (a.k.a there will definitely be bugs!), playing all day (a.k.a getting dirty and sweaty!), and sometimes this is an occurrence for weeks on end (a.k.a. they will be hungry and tired!). Being uncomfortable is okay—it’s not something that needs to be solved.
4. Building friendships takes time
In a world obsessed with instant everything, it’s easy to forget that building solid friendships takes time…even at camp. Avoid putting unnecessary pressure on your child by constantly asking about their friendships, favorite activities, or eagerness to return to camp.
Skip the 20 questions about their new BFFs and let the friendships brew naturally. Instead, relish the experience with them, allowing friendships to naturally unfold. You can do this by joining the fun, soaking in their experiences, and trusting that these friendships will be the cherry on top of your kiddo’s camp adventure. Trust that these bonds will strengthen over time, contributing to your child’s social development.
5. Starting camp is like starting other experiences
You know your camper. If they have a hard time with separation at school, they probably will at camp, too. Remind yourself that even though camp is an awesome, magical place, things are still pretty predictable. If your camper normally comes home after school and doesn’t say much about their day, expect that from camp as well.
At Tumbleweed, it’s really helpful to know about these things ahead of time. We encourage parents to give us a call if they are worried about challenges their campers are having and we can come up with a plan together.
6. Communication is key
Feeling uncertain or having questions about your child’s camp experience is completely normal. One way to set yourself up for success is to make sure you read through any information that the camp sends out and review their values and practices. At Tumbleweed, we know that parents who read our emails and call to chat before camp have a much better experience than those who stumble into camp on day one.
Also, keep in mind that you can always reach out to camp staff. Whether you have concerns, expectations, or simply need clarification on certain aspects, don’t hesitate to contact the camp director or relevant personnel. Remember to not wait until after the camp session or the summer to bring something up; it’s harder for camp staff to help solve your problem weeks or months after something occurred.
7. Let camp be a no-parent zone
Camp offers a unique environment for kids to explore, discover, and cultivate independence. Remind yourself that this is a no-parent zone, a space where your child can grow, have fun, and explore without your direct involvement. Resist the urge to overly monitor their experiences. Trust the camp staff, the structured activities, and the learning opportunities that come with a little autonomy.
And lastly, remember that you’ve got this! Sending your kids to camp is an incredible gift—a chance for them to create lifelong memories, forge meaningful connections, and develop essential life skills. By reminding yourself of these key points, you’ll not only ease the transition for your child but also allow them to fully embrace the enriching experience that camp has to offer.
There’s an adage that says, “The most valuable life lessons can’t be taught—they have to be experienced.” And so it often goes with kids and many critical life lessons. For lots of developing young minds, learning things the hard way—whether through experience and/or repetition—can help to ensure that lessons learned are genuinely instilled. We asked parenting experts to share the best hard-earned life lessons for kids ages preschool to high school; here’s what they had to say.
1. Everyone makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and making mistakes is an essential life lesson that children can learn starting from a very young age. “It’s important that we make mistakes because that’s how we learn,” said Boston Baby Nurse & Nannyfounder Carole Kramer, a registered nurse and best-selling author of Newborn 101. Kramer explained that kids may accidentally spill things or break something, for example, but teaching them that the accident itself isn’t a bad thing, it’s what you do and how you react afterward—that’s the life lesson. “Kids shouldn’t get down or be upset at themselves when they make mistakes,” Kramer said. “Parents can use [mistakes] as teaching opportunities.”
2. Life isn’t always fair. Every parent has heard their kiddo whine, “But that’s not fair!” Whether it’s a conflict with siblings or friends, or it’s used as a stalling tactic to avoid bedtime, kids will argue a lack of “fairness” to get their way. But many things and experiences in life aren’t always fair. “I think that’s a hard lesson for kids to learn,” said Kramer. “The truth is, you can’t always get what you want all of the time.” For younger children, fairness may seem like an abstract concept, but as they grow older, kids may recognize that they could do the right thing and still get the wrong outcome—sometimes through no fault of their own.
3. Actions have consequences. One of the first steps toward understanding accountability and taking responsibility is learning that every action has a consequence. Kids may experience consequences of their actions that are positive, such as hard work reaping benefits and rewards, or negative, such as inappropriate behavior leading to punishment. But connecting the dots between what you do and what happens is an important lesson to learn for children of all ages, our experts said.
4. Attendance is important. Showing up and being on time is part of overall success, and sometimes kids need a brush with repercussions to understand how important it is. “The importance of showing up and being on time (for school, for example) is something kids need to learn, oftentimes, the hard way, though hopefully sooner than later,” said Marjie Hadad, a global PR and parenting expert and author of The Power of PR Parenting: How to raise confident, resilient, and successful children using public relations strategies.
“In public relations, we schedule interviews for our clients. It’s very important that our clients arrive on time at the specified location for an interview. If without a good reason and they do not respect their commitment, they risk losing the opportunity.” That being said, perfect attendance isn’t necessarily the goal because there will be times when kids will have to miss an event or a day of school. It’s what they do when they are present that matters.
iStock
5. Pay attention to the instructions. In pursuit of striking independence, kids may take instructions as loose guidelines rather than rules to be followed. But paying attention to instructions is an important lesson to ensure that something is completed properly or an intended goal is achieved. “There are times when creativity is required to navigate unexpected challenging situations,” said Hadad. “However, most times, it would be best to listen and abide by instructions.”
6. You won’t always get picked first. It can be easy for kids to feel hurt or slighted if they are not picked first or are not invited to a friend’s birthday party. But these are opportunities for parents to teach their kids that sometimes there are reasons why things happen that people don’t know about. “Allow your child to have hurt feelings,” said Boston Baby Nurse & Nanny’s Kramer, but also teach them that sometimes things may happen for reasons that are outside of their own control.
7. It’s OK to be uncomfortable. Kids may be anxious in situations that are new or unknown to them, but managing to get through those kinds of experiences can help to build self-confidence and resilience. “Most of us learn this lesson as adults,” said Kramer. “We often have this mindset that everything always has to be great and everything needs to be cool. But we’re going to have a variety of emotions, and not all of them will be good ones.” Learning to be uncomfortable is a valuable lesson for kids to learn early.
iStock
8. It’s OK to be bored. The corollary to being OK with being uncomfortable is being OK with being bored. As parents, we often feel we need to entertain or occupy every second of our children’s lives, so when there is downtime, our kids may express their boredom. Rather than trying to immediately distract or placate a bored kid, teach them that feeling bored from time to time is not only OK, but it’s a natural and ordinary part of life.
9. Don’t take everything personally. What others do and say is often simply a projection of their own reality, so an important life lesson for kids is not to take everything so personally. “Someone may be having a rough day, and they take it out on others,” said Kramer. For a six-year-old, that may be difficult to understand, but as kids grow older, they can recognize that other people may be experiencing life differently, and parents can teach their children to be empathetic toward others.
10. Be thoughtful about the power of words and tone. Parents can help kids develop better communication skills by being thoughtful about the words they choose and the tone used to deliver them. “Everyday communication should be given some respect, said author Hadad. “Sometimes this is a lesson that needs to be learned the hard way by our kids in social, academic, and after-school job scenarios. When word choice and tone are chosen carelessly, there is the risk of losing a friend, alienating a teacher, or annoying an employer. If these were the goals, then mission accomplished. If these weren’t, well then, hopefully, a lesson well learned. Think before you talk and choose your delivery wisely.”
In the midst of all the carpools and soccer practices and dance lessons and schoolwork and the constant swirl of activity with busy families, there are words. Conversations. Discussions. And lots and lots of opportunities for you to encourage and motivate your potential entrepreneur, budding CEO, or just all-around smart girl.
It can be easy to let the days slide on by without being intentional in our communication with our kids. But when you have a moment to slow down and focus, here are eight different ways you can tell your daughter how amazing she is, instill a measure of self-confidence, and cheer her on to become the best possible version of herself.
Catch her doing something good.
As parents, it’s natural to spend a lot of time correcting our kids or pointing out mistakes. Flip the switch and look for something positive.
“I really appreciate that you put the dishes in the dishwasher after school, and not just the sink.”
“Thanks for helping your brother with that math problem.”
“You only slept in five minutes past your alarm! Great job.”
Positive affirmation is contagious; she may start doing the same with you!
Point out something positive in a negative situation.
Failure is part of life, especially for people like pioneers or entrepreneurs who are stepping out on limbs, taking risks and forging new paths. If you want a daughter who’s not afraid to fail, begin now to assuage that fear by helping her see the upside of something that was less than successful.
“Well, we didn’t sell much lemonade, but your idea to sell those chewy brownies was brilliant. The one customer we did have needed two more cups of lemonade to wash it down!”
When children feel good about themselves and know that you’re okay with trying and failing (and, in fact, encourage it versus not trying new things at all), they’re more willing to persevere and take new risks.
“What are your roses, thorns, and buds today?”
At dinnertime or before bed, ask your daughter about one of her day’s successes (a rose), one problem or mistake (a thorn), and one thing she is looking forward to tomorrow (bud). You can share yours, too. It’ll help her see that there are peaks and valleys throughout life, and success isn’t about avoiding the downturns; it’s about how you handle them, bounce back, and move forward.
Show her the big picture.
If she wonders why she needs to take math even though she wants to write children’s books someday, or she complains about gym class and says she’s not a “natural athlete,” talk about why math skills and fitness are important in life, no matter what career path she chooses.
Sometimes kids can be a little myopic in their view of the world, but you can help encourage your daughter to see the bigger picture when you help her think outside her limited scope of vision. Sometimes the answer to “Why do I have to take this class?!” is simply, “in order to learn how to learn. Learning new things is something you’ll do for the rest of your life, and every single class you take can help you become a better learner.”
“What’s your plan?”
Ask her about how she plans on solving problems on her own. (The problems she’s capable of handling independently, anyway.)
“Mom, my soccer jersey is dirty, and I have a game tomorrow!” Instead of rifling through her hamper yourself, maybe answer, “That seems like something you’ll need to take care of in the next 12 to 24 hours then. What’s your plan?” Or, let’s say she’s promised the neighbors she’ll babysit for them on Saturday, but now she wants to back out because she got invited to a birthday party. “Hmm. How do you think it would be best to handle that?”
Problem-solving is an important and valuable skill for anyone, let alone a successful entrepreneur.
Help her identify her passions.
She might not know yet what it is that gets her pumped up or makes her heart beat fast (which is normal, of course), so helping her identify those things could be very helpful and supportive. “Hey, I noticed that you got a little choked up when we watched that video about the rescue dog. What would you think about volunteering at the Human Society once a month?” Or, “I love that you like to help me with dinner! Maybe we should take a cooking class together?”
“I’m proud of you.”
It’s one thing to praise or celebrate her accomplishments, but what about her character?
“You’re such a loyal friend, I’m so proud of how supportive and encouraging you are.”
“When you hugged your sister after her bad day at school yesterday, I was so proud of you. You have a big, compassionate heart.”
Most of us—kids especially—indulge in too much negative self-talk. When you tell your kids what’s great about them, you interrupt that internal negative loop and help build their self-confidence.
“I believe in you.”
Think about it for a second: Who was the last person who said that to you? A parent, your spouse, maybe a mentor? Those are four powerful words that probably aren’t spoken enough, and if you’ve ever heard them, they likely lifted your spirits, ignited a fire, re-fueled a waning determination, or simply gave you the chutzpah you needed to tackle a project or face an intimidating challenge.
Whether your daughter is risk-averse or a little daredevil, whether she’s innovative or prefers the status quo, whether she’s ready to take on the world or needs a nudge out of her comfort zone—she needs to hear this from you.
I've always built businesses, from a childhood gummy bear business to adult gigs at IMAX and Coupons.com. I founded The Startup Squad to help girls reach their potential and my book series, The Startup Squad, is published by Macmillan. I live in Silicon Valley with my wife and two daughters.
Little ones can be tricky to buy for. Well, unless you have our guide to gifts for toddlers
They’re not babies, and they’re not quite little kids. Our 18-24 month littles are at a special age where they’re exploring everything, eager to learn, and ready for anything. So, if you’re having trouble coming up with presents for them, you’re not alone. We’ve rounded up some of the best gifts for toddlers this season to make your job as Santa much easier.
There are puzzles, sweet stuffies, and even enchanted silk scarves. Of course, there are also the classics like a play barn, a soft baby doll, their first tea set, and Mickey even makes an appearance. Combining well-known characters and some new friends, we made sure there’s something for every kiddo on our list. We’re pretty sure you won’t have to look further than this list to create a magical holiday. Read on for our picks for gifts for toddlers.
LeapFrog Build-a-Waffle Learning Set
LeapFrog
Their favorite breakfast will easily become their new favorite toy that teaches them colors, numbers, and following directions.
Their favorite friends are all cozying up to their bedtime stories on these absolutely darling pajamas. They're created with Little Sleepies' famous Lunaluxe Bamboo.
It's a stroller and a trolley. Made of handwoven rattan, little ones just need to flip the lid and they can go from strolling their stuffed animals around to doing the shopping.
Stapelstein Stepping Stones are the original play 'stones'. They're soft, stackable, sturdy, and can be used in a ton of imaginary ways to get your little one's creativity flowing (plus, they're really convenient to use as seats, stools, or steps). Available in Original Rainbow or Pastel.
This starter DUPLO set pulls off a holiday gifting hat trick: It's a building toy, a vehicle (and we all know how much toddlers love pushing around anything on wheels), and it helps introduce them to numbers.
Sarah's Silks is all about open-ended play. Tactile toddlers will love the lightweight, floaty fabrication that lets them create and play for hours. These Mini Playsilks grow with them, long after they're done playing.
The best thing about silicone toys? They're dishwasher-safe and quiet! We love a great kitchen set for open-ended imaginative play, especially when you're trying to get stuff done in the kitchen and your mini-me wants to join in.
The Play-Doh Ride-On Activity School Bus includes 3 cans of Play-Doh, 10 numbers stamps, 6 shape cutters, and 1 roller. Just lift up the ride-on seat to reveal the play set.
This baby koala is so precious. Made from natural Peruvian cotton yarn, not only is it soft and collectible; it's heirloom-quality, so they'll have something to treasure for years.
Your little one will love this cute vintage-style music player, complete with rainbow light show, music, and color call-outs (not to mention headphones).
Remember those old-school bright cardboard bricks? They got an update with Bricklettes. They fit into your home's decor and the starter set of 10 is great for kiddos who have just started stacking.
All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.
If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.
A positive attitude about yourself goes a long way when it comes to building self-esteem in kids
How many times have you looked in the mirror and frowned at the outfit you’re wearing, or thought twice about eating dessert because it’s a “bad food” (even though it’s not)? Definitely a few, because you’re human, after all. But it’s important to take stock of the things you say when the kids are around and do your best to present yourself as a strong, confident parent.
Kids learn about body positivity and self-confidence from their parents long before they internalize perceived ideals of how they should look on YouTube or social media. And if they have a strong foundation of self-esteem, those messages will have far less of an impact when they do, inevitably, encounter them. We rounded up 9 things to say—and believe!—about yourself in front of your kids so you can help them learn to take pride in who they are.
1. I look nice today. Say it when you’re tired, say it when you feel a cold coming on, say it even if you haven’t showered in a few days. Little ones learn by example; if they hear you speaking positively about yourself, it becomes second nature to do the same. Projecting self-confidence shows worthiness—despite the negative messaging that bombards us daily.
2. That was challenging, and I’m going to try again. Showing you are okay with failure helps kids develop the tools necessary for dealing with disappointment. It might be handy to have a list of people who failed before finding success on hand: think Albert Einstein, Michael Jordan, and Oprah.
3. I made a mistake. It might be one of the hardest things to do, but admitting when we are wrong is one of the best ways to show (and teach) personal responsibility. And that’s a life skill everyone needs.
4. Food keeps me healthy and happy. How you talk about food with kids has a major impact on how they look at their bodies and health. If you practice food neutrality (broccoli is broccoli, a cookie is a cookie—nothing is “good” or “bad”), it’ll help to set the stage for kids to learn the balance of fueling the body and enjoy the pleasures of the food itself.
5. I am proud of my job. Whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, work remotely, or head out to a job, show pride in what you do! Talking about what you do all day shows the kids that while you might be busy, it’s for a good reason—not because you don’t want to read Dragons Love Tacos for the 10th time.
6. I’m glad my body protects me and keeps me alive every day. We can kick a soccer ball, push a swing, and play a board game, and we can do it all without being the “right size.” Referring to your body as something you use as a tool for life is key to helping kids develop a positive self-image.
7. This outfit makes me feel beautiful. Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself cursing while trying on clothes because something doesn’t look quite right. Try focusing on things you like about what you’re wearing: this color complements my skin tone, these leggings are perfect for our park play date, and this hat makes me stand out in a crowd. Pointing out the good instead of the bad is a way to encourage self-love and confidence.
8. I enjoy exercising because it makes me feel strong. Moving our bodies is about so much more than losing weight. It’s about how exercise is good for our brain, helps us ward off illness, and prolongs our lifespan. In today’s tech-driven culture, driving home these ideas is more important than ever.
9. I believe every day is a new chance to start over. It’s easy to let negative thoughts rule our mindset. Yes, life is tough, but it’s also beautiful, and we only get one go of it. A wonderful gift (or tool) you can give your kids is the ability to look at the present and the future and understand that everything moves forward. We alone can make change for ourselves, even if it’s something as tiny as writing down notes of gratitude or as big as demanding the help you need.
Say these things on the walk to the bus or during snack time. In fact, any time is a good time!
Whether they are in preschool, elementary school, or heading into middle school, offering encouraging words for students can make all the difference between a just-okay day and an amazing day. Whatever time of day, there’s always a moment to remind your kids how much you believe in them and how you can’t wait to hear all about it! We’ve found 22 simple phrases and prompts that can add a dose of positivity to your kids’ day; be sure to keep them in your back pocket—you’ll never know when they’ll come in handy.
1. I can’t wait to see what your day brings. Put a positive spin on their daily morning routine when they fly out the door to catch the bus.
2. Do your best! Send them off with good vibes and encouraging words so they’ll be primed to achieve whatever they put their minds to.
3. Can I get a hug? Shh … this one’s really more about you than them, but they don’t need to know that. Hugs at the beginning of the day send a clear message of love to your little one.
4. I’ll think about you today! Just this one simple phrase lets your child know that he’ll be on your mind throughout the day, and sometimes that’s enough of a boost.
5. Do you have everything you need? It’s an easy question, but just asking it can assure both you and your child that she is prepared for her day. Lunch (or lunch money), homework, books, a special toy … whatever it is, taking a moment to ask and make sure she has what she needs to have a happy and successful day lets her know that you care.
6. You look great! Although this one can bring a smile to the young ones as well, these encouraging words are great to throw to the older kids as they trudge out the door into a social-media-driven world that can have seriously adverse effects on self-esteem.
7. You’ve got this! School is tough, much tougher than when we were kids, and the everyday pressures of homework, tests, quizzes, projects and more… well, it’s enough to make even the most self-assured kid second guess his or her abilities. Just giving your child one final boost of positivity with these words of encouragement as he scrambles out the door can be enough to boost that self-confidence for the rest of the day.
8. I’ll be right here when you get back. There are hours that are going to pass between taking your child to school and picking him up, and in that time, a lot can happen. Let him know that you’re going to be right there when he’s finished with his day, whether good or bad. This tiny little assurance can help slightly younger nervous kids take often difficult steps towards school.
9. I can’t wait to hear about your day! Encourage your children to look for the positive in the day by letting them know you’ll be ready to hear all about it when you see each other again.
10. You roll with the punches like a champ. Busy families have ever-changing schedules where flexibility is key. Letting your little ones know that you recognize their ability to also be flexible is important.
11.Thanks for sharing your day with me. Nothing says, “I’m listening” after the day’s download quite like this one. Frasier Crane would be proud.
12. You are a good person. People of all ages need words of encouragement like this to let them know that their presence, personality, and decisions are noticed and appreciated.
13. Thanks for helping out! when they go above and beyond to keep your family’s groove grooving, let them know how proud you are!
14. Your thoughtfulness shines through. Save this one for the simple gestures they make throughout the day, like helping out a friend or sharing with a sibling.
15. I like how you handled that. Using encouraging words for students like this lets them know you approve of how they managed tough situations can put smiles back on their faces and give them the confidence to tackle future challenges.
16. I’m so happy you’re home. I missed you. Because even though parents joke about alone time, we’re happiest when our kids are by our sides.
17. I was thinking about you today when … sharing your day with them lets kids know they’re loved, even when you’re not around to show it.
18. Your joy puts a smile on my face too. This one makes an impact when they come off the bus or through the door with big smiles.
19. I’ll bet your friends/teacher appreciated your ___________ today. Insert your favorite adjective here; no matter which one you choose, letting your kids know others see this same quality in them is super empowering.
20. It sounds like you worked hard today. Whether they took a tough test, ran a mile in P.E., or just tried their best, praise that perseverance. Go grit!
21. What do you want to do now? Set aside some time for when kids first come home from school to let them relax and unwind in their own way, whether that be stopping by the library or ice cream shop or just having free time to run around the yard. Their day has been stressful too, and letting them choose how to spend the first bit after school can be a powerful tone-setter for the rest of the evening.
22. You should be so proud of yourself. A phrase that’s important for kids (and adults!) of all ages—use it often, but especially at the end of a hard day at school.
