ML Interest Tag: self-employed

In Home Registered Nurse Visits Need to be a National Standard

By Denise Stern

My son was 17 months old when my twins were born. Like many moms of multiples, I had complications giving birth to the girls and was sent home on bedrest after a long stay in the hospital. My husband is self-employed which basically means if you don’t go, you don’t make money so paternity leave wasn’t on the table for us.  My mom was a great help, but caring for twins who eat every 2 hours (24 feeds in 24 hours!) and a young toddler was wearing on her to say the least.

Because of my long recovery time and basically feeling shit-scared most days, I sort of felt robbed of the joyful parts of bringing our babies home for the first time. I thought it was just my family that had this kind of experience.  I started Let Mommy Sleep to help new parents like us and since the first day we opened 7 years ago, our phones haven’t stopped ringing. Turns out it’s not just me. It’s a LOT of us, maybe even most of us.

For this reason, In Home Postpartum Visits by a Registered Nurse should be a national healthcare standard for US families. They’re a standard in many other countries and the benefits to families include better safety, lowered readmissions and evidence based education for new parents. Two Hour In Home Visits aren’t paid leave and they might not change things for some families. But for moms on the cusp of postpartum depression, parents who are drowning in the sea of misinformation and families who don’t have help of friends or family, the care of a nurse might be the difference between sickness and health.

Photo: Denise Stern, Let Mommy Sleep

With twin girls and a boy born 17 months apart, I'm the owner of the world's most ironically named business, Let Mommy Sleep. Let Mommy Sleep provides nurturing postpartum care to newborns and evidence based education to parents by Registered Nurses and Newborn Care Providers.  

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In-Home Postpartum Visits: A Lifeline for New Parents

By Denise Stern

My son was 17 months old when my twins were born. Like many moms of multiples, I had complications giving birth to the girls and was sent home on bedrest after a long stay in the hospital. My husband is self-employed which basically means if you don’t go, you don’t make money so paternity leave wasn’t on the table for us.  My mom was a great help, but caring for twins who eat every 2 hours (24 feeds in 24 hours!) and a young toddler was wearing on her to say the least.

Because of my long recovery time and basically feeling shit-scared most days, I sort of felt robbed of the joyful parts of bringing our babies home for the first time. I thought it was just my family that had this kind of experience.  I started Let Mommy Sleep to help new parents like us and since the first day we opened 7 years ago, our phones haven’t stopped ringing. Turns out it’s not just me. It’s a LOT of us, maybe even most of us.

For this reason, In Home Postpartum Visits by a Registered Nurse should be a national healthcare standard for US families. They’re a standard in many other countries and the benefits to families  include better safety, lowered readmissions and evidence based education for new parents.  Lactation Consultations are already covered by most plans so it makes sense that a less expensive, more comprehensive service can be available.

In Home Postpartum Visits might not be needed by everyone. But for moms on the cusp of postpartum depression, parents who are drowning in the sea of misinformation and families who don’t have help of friends or family, the care of a nurse might be the difference between sickness and health.

With twin girls and a boy born 17 months apart, I'm the owner of the world's most ironically named business, Let Mommy Sleep. Let Mommy Sleep provides nurturing postpartum care to newborns and evidence based education to parents by Registered Nurses and Newborn Care Providers.  

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5 Tips for Working from Home with a New Baby

By Tamara Jacobi

My husband and I feel lucky to be entrepreneurs who work from home. We’ve designed our lives so that there’s always time for a surf (him) or a trail run (me). I’m an author/jungle lodge owner. My husband is a sustainability guru. Working hours? No such thing—our mantra has been to get work done between adventures—no real difference between weekends and weekdays.

Then we got pregnant (yay!). Our flexible lifest‌yle would be perfect for a newborn…right?

The reality was a bit of a shock. I was suddenly juggling two babies—a newborn and a book launch. Maternity leave? Yeah, right. I soon found myself breastfeeding with a computer on my lap and cell phone in hand (yes, it can be done, but this isn’t exactly ideal!!). I barely had time to brush my teeth and make a meal, let alone keep up with work e-mails and publisher deadlines.

The 4th trimester pushed me way out of my comfort zone—personally and professionally. We argued plenty, realized that was useless (and exhausting), then embraced the challenge and decided to become masters of artful mistake making.

Our little one (son, Zephyr) is now nearly 6 months old. As I reflect on the journey of being a mama entrepreneur, I hope these 5 tips might help new self-employed or work at home parents.

1. Find a carrier you love. Our baby naps a lot longer in the carrier and we get free hands for computer tasks (win-win!!). We decided as parents to minimize screen time for baby. Easier said than done…baby carrier to the rescue!!! Our baby loved to be held (all the time) and with the carrier, he’d be facing away from the screen. Note that there are a ton of different st‌yles of carrier out there. Try a bunch of models and see what works best for you (my husband and I each have our own favorite carrier).

2. Prioritize and become efficiency masters. Work time becomes scarce, use it wisely. Think of this as an opportunity to let go of the non-essentials. Prioritize your to-do list. Give yourself twice as long (at least) to accomplish tasks and meet deadlines. You may have to let somethings go for a bit. I made no social commitments for several weeks (your friends will understand!).
3. Ask for 2 hours. We whined about not getting our work done, then realized the real problem was that we just weren’t communicating well. We learned that the simple request: “I need 2 hours of uninterrupted time to get (fill in the blank) done,” can really help. Time is a different creature with a baby. Schedule and communicate with your partner about your work projects, deadlines, etc. We’ve found that giving each other 2-hour windows of uninterrupted time is like gold. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with undistracted bursts of work time.
4. Power siesta. Mama brain is very real!! My brain felt like a fried egg (our little guy is not a sleeper). 10-minute siestas throughout the day made a huge difference to my focus and thinking power. Before you get to work, consider that a quick nap may make you more productive.
5. Hire helpers and use grandma. As an entrepreneur, I’m used to being independent and wearing many hats. With a newborn, I quickly learned to ask for help in a variety of different forms. Professionally I hired little helpers—a social media expert, publicist, graphic designer and coaches. They helped my postpartum brain stay focused and on track (life coach, business coach, nutrition coach, etc.). I had a small budget for these helpers and when funds ran low I asked about work-trade options (and got many yeses!). Personally, I looked to my mom for help as well (I’m lucky to have her nearby and she was happy to go to the bank, pick up groceries, play with baby etc.). Plus, I think she’s really enjoyed being a helper.

These tips may seem simple or obvious but they’ve made a huge difference for us so far. We’ll see what work/life/baby adventures come next…

Bonus: I’ve actually discovered that life with a baby has made me a more mindful and balanced entrepreneur. Juggling a baby and book launch have brought some surprisingly beautiful synchronicities and benefits (breastfeeding + oxytocin = I’ve overcome my fear of public speaking…very helpful for book tour!). As I slow down daily to play with Zephyr, new inspiration is catching up with me. Thus, I’m writing this article for you! I haven’t written since I finished the manuscript for my book (before I got pregnant). I hope to have more mama entrepreneur inspiration for the Red Tricycle community soon.

Known as “The Jungle Mama”, Tamara Jacobi is the author of Wildpreneurs:A Guide for Turning Passion into Business (HarperCollins Leadership, Feb. 2020) and founder of the Tailwind Jungle Lodge on the Mexican Pacific. Tamara is loving the adventure of motherhood! Her son Zephyr was born on Oct, 2019. 

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6 Tips to Help Stop Your Teen from Procrastinating

By Tyler Jacobson

 

There are times where parenting my teens felt like all I did was keep prodding them forward. Whether it’s encouraging my daughter to get a job or pushing my son to pick up his room, I felt like my teens would never outgrow their tendency to procrastinate.

But over time—and with a good deal of trial and error—I’ve been able to help my children move away from much of their procrastinating behavior and onto being self-starters.

  1. Consider What Is Triggering Procrastination: It would have been easy for me to brush my children’s procrastination off as them just being lazy. For one thing, it takes all responsibility off of me to do anything but call judgment down on them, and it provides a clear solution—make my teens stop being lazy. But in reality, children often have complex reasons why they procrastinate. Some children are held paralyzed by fear of failure, much like my oldest boy when it came time to tackle his major research paper for his English class. The project counted for 30% of his overall grade and English had never been his strongest subject. Luckily, his teacher held quick conferences with each student and notified me when it turned out that my son hadn’t gotten beyond choosing his research topic. By remaining calm and talking to my son about why he hadn’t started, I was able to understand that his procrastination had nothing to do with laziness and everything with fear of failing and potentially needing to go to summer school.
  2. Demonstrate How To Make Tasks Manageable: Procrastination can also be triggered by children feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand. In our home, Saturday mornings are usually spent tidying the house up after a long week. But while my other children managed to corral their rooms into order, my youngest daughter was crying in the middle of her messy room. She had had a full week of school performance and a small party with her friends to celebrate the end of their play. The result was that her room was a bigger mess than she knew how to deal with on her own. So, after an hour, there were only a few toys pushed around until she became discouraged. Instead of leaving her there and just telling her to hurry up and clean, I sat with her on the floor and helped her break down the task into manageable portions, from picking up all the clothes first, next the toys, and then making the bed. By helping my children see tasks as many manageable parts, rather than an insurmountable mountain, they are less likely to put off a task that seems too hard.
  3. Provide Time Management Techniques: Time management is a tough skill for many adults to master. But once a teen has the techniques they need to properly manage what needs to be done, they are far less likely to procrastinate. Some of the things I taught my son as he approached his English paper were:

  • Create an outline of dates when things are due like your outline, research bibliography, first draft, peer review, and final draft.

  • Once you see how many days are between each step, set aside time each day to get a bit more of the work done.

  • Talk to either mom or dad if you aren’t sure you have enough time laid out.

  • Do the English work first, then go on to other homework assignments.

Providing my oldest son with these management techniques especially helped, as he suffers from several behavioral disorders and greater structure helps teens struggling with these disorders.

  1. Help Your Teen Problem-Solve: A lack of problem-solving skills can be another thing that causes teens to procrastinate. Since I don’t want my children to become stalled by every challenge, I’ve worked to help them to develop strong problem-solving skills. My oldest son knew the basics of problem-solving when he had become stalled by his major paper, but he had allowed his fear to make him believe that the simple techniques wouldn’t work. So, I made it a point to walk him through the basics of problem-solving again:

  • Pinpoint the issue that is holding you back.

  • Start brainstorming solutions. Even if they sound dumb at first, the process can help kick out a real solution.

  • Choose the best solution from your brainstorming session.

  • Carry out the solution. If it doesn’t quite work, choose the next best solution.

With problem-solving steps broken down into manageable chunks, it is far easier to think clearly and tackle an issue that was previously a major roadblock.

  1. Reinforce Teens With Positivity: Providing my teens with positive reinforcement can be difficult at times, especially when all I want to do is ask why they can’t just get off their behinds and take care of their responsibilities. But, taking this negative attitude with children can lead to resentment, added stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Instead, to help build up my children, I opt for positive reinforcement. I am a firm believer that children—and people in general—respond best to positivity and will make lasting changes with the right support. So, while a snide comment about laziness may get my oldest daughter off the couch and off to do the dishes, finding a positive frame like, “Thanks for staying on top of the dishes most of the week. Do you mind wrapping up the stuff currently in the sink?” is a better option.
  2. Model Self-Starting Behavior: Lastly, I had to model this kind of go-getter, problem-solving behavior for my children. As I am self-employed, I usually am a self-starter, but I’ve had to step up my game a bit more when it comes to things like picking up my office and managing my own tasks around the house. Since I know that my children are unlikely to listen to anything I say about procrastination if I’m a procrastinator myself, I have done my best to continually model what I expect from them.

Now, I’m not saying my children became perfect. But, with the structure in place to help them succeed, all they need now are gentle reminders instead of the lengthy lectures and reminders that used to be required to get them moving on what they need to do.

 

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.

 
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Family Tales: Childcare Costs & How My Partner and I Divide Responsibilities in the Bay Area

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

Anxious About Our 2nd Kid and My Husband’s Fledging Business

My occupation: social media strategist
My partner’s occupation: self-employed. A year ago he left his corporate job to start his own design firm.
Annual household income: $120,000
City: San Francisco
Our ages: 35 (me) and 38 (him)
Childcare costs: part-time $30,000/year under the table
How we found our nanny: a private local mom’s group. One of the moms in the group only needs help in the afternoons so we use her nanny during the morning shift.
Our kid(s) ages: a two-year-old boy with a baby boy due in March

 

Anyone who doesn’t live in the Bay Area will roll your eyes at me, but let’s just get this out of the way: $120,000 household income in San Francisco is small potatoes. Last year my husband left his full-time corporate job to start his own design business. We knew what we were getting into giving up his generous six figure salary, but we had planned for this. For a few years prior we lived frugally knowing the day would come when we’d basically be on one income with one, possibly two kids. Sure enough, our second kid is due in March and we’re trying to navigate how we’ll make it work if my husband’s business doesn’t gain traction. Do we give up the nanny? Do we opt out of preschool? Should we sell our condo and move out of the city (cue my tears)? While we prepared on paper for being a one income family, I still lose sleep over our meager income in probably the most expensive city in the country. But, on the other hand, what pregnant woman actually sleeps well? Kidding…sort of.

Morning

My husband’s been up working answering emails from an east coast client when our son wakes at 7 a.m. When that happens all bets are off—it’s like the road runner invades our house and it’s impossible to get any work done. My son had a rough night and was up at 1 a.m. and again at 3 a.m. with bad dreams—so we’re all extra groggy this morning. As a first time mom, I’m not sure how to quell his bad dreams so we just rock and soothe him until he falls asleep (open to tips here, seasoned mamas). I grab a banana and cup of coffee and feed my son yogurt, sliced apple and a granola bar.

Our nanny arrives at 8 a.m.. She’s with us Mon.-Fri. from 8 a.m.-1 p.m. We pay her $25/hour under the table. Our nanny not only takes our active son out to an activity every day, but she also prepares all his meals and if she has time, straightens up our house. I feel like we got a great deal since she goes above and beyond typical nanny duties. In the city, I found that nannies asked for $23-$30/hour, which was a wide range to consider. We also pay for her monthly Muni (public transport) pass ($70/month), and give her a preloaded debit card for museum outings or for emergencies. We also provide for three weeks of fully paid vacation, but we all try to time it for when we’re both away like over major holidays. She’s in her 60’s with kids and grandkids of her own and has really helped me navigate new parenthood. She’s the one who told me when to transition from two to one nap and was the first to notice his sensitivity to eggs.

Mid-Day

I work remotely at a coffee shop or nearby shared office space. Getting anything done with my son home would be impossible, but I wonder how it’ll be once the baby arrives and I go back to work, but need the privacy to pump (let’s shelve this dilemma for another time because even thinking about being tied to a pump for another year makes me shudder).

Luckily, everything around us is walkable so we can save money on gas and tolls. My husband rides his bike to his business partner’s house two miles away. I spend most of the day working on a deck for a potential client and answering Slack messages, while trying to ignore all my bookmark tabs on preschool research. I never thought that the preschool app process would be harder than the college admissions process. I get home by 12:45 p.m. since our nanny leaves at 1 p.m. My son is on a one-nap schedule and will go down 1-3 p.m. so I’m able to work while he’s sleeping.

Evening

While I’m nervous about being the sole breadwinner with two kids, I have to admit that I love my husband’s flex schedule. He now makes it home by 4 p.m. whereas at his old job, he’d often walk in the door past bedtime. We’ve made it a point to do no-phone family time between 4-7 p.m. and I’ve actually been really good about setting expectations at work that I’ll be offline during that time frame. I love cooking and on the weekends we’ll make a trip to the farmer’s market and cook up meals together. But, on the weekdays it’s all about saving time and honestly, I’m just too tired to do it all on the weekdays.

photo: Gobble

We’ve found that with just the three of us, it’s more efficient to subscribe to a meal delivery kit. I’m partial to Good Eggs, but have heard great things about Gobble. Once I take into account the time spent shopping, cooking and washing dishes, meal kits are just worth it for us. While I get dinner ready, my husband will take our son and dog for a walk and by the time they get home our meal is served. My husband will clean up while I play with our son and get him ready for bed. For awhile we were doing everything together—and while sometimes we still do, the whole “divide and conquer” approach works for our family.

Bedtime

Our son is in bed by 7 p.m. We’ll do milk, a quick goodnight to all of my son’s stuffed animals, a story and then lights out by 7:30 p.m. It may be the shift in my husband’s schedule or my son senses his impending sibling, but he has not been sleeping through the night. I’ll usually try to hop online for a couple hours to answer emails and do more preschool research since I feel like I am way behind. But this baby is making me so tired so I’ve been going to bed by 9 p.m. with my husband coming in much later. Our nanny always preps my son’s breakfast so at least I don’t have to worry about that in the morning.

Nighttime

Like I expected, my son is up at midnight and again at 3 a.m. My husband and I take turns going in to soothe him. We never formally slept train him—he’s generally a great sleeper so this is really throwing me for a loop. Is sleep training a two-year old even a thing? He can’t yet communicate fully what is bothering him so we rock him until he calms down. Our nanny said he’s his normal happy self during the day so I’m hoping it’s just a phase. As they say: this too shall pass. Let’s just hope it passes by the time our baby arrives.

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

 

RELATED STORIES:

Family Tales: How Being a Working Mom Has Made Me a Better Parent

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This State Is Rolling Out 16 Weeks of Paid Family Leave: What Parents Should Know

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Washington state is joining California and a handful of other states in making progress on paid family leave, with the roll out of a new program that will provide up to 16 weeks of paid leave for new parents.

Starting Jan. 1, 2020 workers in the state of Washington will be eligible to take 12 weeks of paid leave to bond with and care for a new baby, while couples will be able to take a combined leave of up to 16 weeks. Those who face pregnancy complications, as defined by a doctor, will be able to take up to 18 weeks. The benefits will be available through the state’s newly implemented Paid Family and Medical Leave program.

photo: smpratt90 via Pixabay

Since the start of the year workers and some employers have begun contributing payroll premiums to the statewide insurance pool that will fund the program. The average worker will pay just $2 per week towards the fund. Anyone who has worked at least 820 hours with one or multiple employers in the past year, including public, hourly, salaried and part-time employees, is eligible to receive Paid Family and Medical Leave. Those who are self-employed will also be able to opt-in. The benefit paid out will be a percentage of an individual’s regular wages with a cap of $1,000 per week.

Just last month new Governor of California, Gavin Newsom proposed a similar program to offer up to six months paid leave. With more states recognizing the need and benefits of paid family leave hopefully the rest of the country will soon follow suit.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

RELATED STORIES:

California Could Be the First State to Offer 6 MONTHS of Paid Parental Leave

Microsoft’s New Paid Family Leave Policy Is Actually a Pretty Big Deal—Here’s Why

The Hottest New Baby Shower Gift? Donating Vacation Time to Expectant Moms

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TV and Movie Moms We Wish Were in Our Tribe

by Common Sense Media

Through the years, TV and movie moms have made us laugh, cry, and maybe even taught us a thing or two. Through silly classic sitcoms to animated adventures and beyond, keep reading to check out Common Sense Media’s list of favorite moms from screens big and small.

Claire Dunphy and Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, Modern Family
There’s never a dull moment in these modern mamas’ households as they juggle the realities of 21st-century life with flexibility, stamina, and always humor. Common Sense Seal.

Mrs. Gump, Forrest Gump
If only real life was a simple as a box of chocolates. This mom’s unconditional love invites her son to believe in himself and achieve amazing things. Common Sense Seal.

Maria Portokalos, My Big Fat Greek Wedding
This proud Greek mother encourages and supports her daughter’s decisions regarding career, love, and life—even when they differ culturally. Common Sense Seal.

Elyse Keaton, Family Ties
This liberal ex-hippie raised four kids while working as a self-employed architect during the dawn of the Reagan years—and she never loses her cool. Common Sense Seal.

Helen Parr, The Incredibles
Helen is the ultimate supermom. She’s smart, capable, loving, and will do anything to help and protect her family, even if it means using her elastic powers and jet-flying skills to rescue her husband and children from evil villains. Common Sense Seal.

Rochelle Rock, Everybody Hates Chris
She may be loud and unafraid of lobbing a saucy comeback, but Rochelle is also fiercely protective of her kids and sincerely cares about them and their future. Common Sense Seal.

Marge Simpson, The Simpsons
For 25 years, America’s blue-haired sweetheart has been a rock to her perpetually young kids—and her husband, too. Common Sense Seal.

Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights
This small town Texan is a titan of motherhood. With a busy marriage, vibrant career, and two daughters many years apart, she still opens her house and arms to any teen who lands on her doorstep. Common Sense Seal.

Queen Elinor, Brave
With a headstrong teenage daughter to raise, Elinor manages the incredible task of loving, guiding, and also valuing young Merida’s opinions, mostly while she’s in the form of a fierce bear. Common Sense Seal.

Lorelai Gilmore, The Gilmore Girls
The close friendship this wisecracking young mom has with her teen daughter inspires openness and honesty. Common Sense Seal.

Which TV and movie moms are your favorite? If you want to check out the long-list of best TV and movie moms, head over to Common Sense Media!

 

Common Sense Media is a leading independent nonprofit organization offering the largest, most trusted library of independent age-based and educational ratings and reviews for everything kids want to watch, play, read, and learn. The ratings, reviews, and information are unbiased and provided for free to help families and educators make great media and technology choices.

 

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