It’s hard to believe that little one, who used to fit snugly in the crook of your arm, is finally ready for kindergarten… or are they? Maybe you should wait another year? After all, what is the right kindergarten age? Especially since the practice of “redshirting” kids—giving them an extra year before starting kindergarten (making them one of the oldest as opposed to the youngest)—has risen in popularity. But like most trends in the parenting world, it leaves parents wondering if it is a good idea. That’s why we looked at the studies and asked experts to weigh in on what is the right age to start kindergarten. Here’s what we found.

Getting Kids Started in Kindergarten

The preschool years are over and it’s time to start kindergarten. But where do parents start? Where we do with all things—online and by asking other parents. Now is the time to check out your local school’s website or find and join parent Facebook pages or other social media accounts associated with the school. Other suggestions include talking to parents with older kids and asking your preschool teacher about local schools and expectations. There are lots of resources out there for parents with inquiring minds.

Kindergarten First-Year Enrollment

Although kindergarten enrollment varies from state to state, parents can expect to encounter some similar requirements no matter where they live. Here are a few universals:

  • In most states, kids must turn five years old by a certain date, usually September 1.
  • Many schools require kids to have certain vaccinations before starting school; check with your district about specific requirements.
  • Most will ask for proof of residence. A utility bill or other piece of mail works fine.
  • You may be asked to provide a copy of your child’s birth certificate to enroll.

What Do Kids Learn in Kindergarten?

Although the curriculum varies from district to district across the country, parents can count their kindergartners learning the alphabet, sight words, phonics, and basic sentence structure as part of Language Arts. Math covers basics like number recognition, counting, addition and subtraction, measurement, and basic geometry. Additionally, hands-on activities and play-based learning help kids learn about real-world concepts like weather, plants, and animals. But many would say the most important things kids learn in kindergarten support their social-emotional growth (or soft skills) like building relationships, solving conflicts, and developing empathy and self-awareness.

What is the difference between Transitional Kindergarten (TK) and Transitional to Elementary School (TES)?

Transitional Kindergarten (TK) is a two-year public school program designed for kids who turn 5 between September 2 and December 2 of the school year. It provides an additional year of instruction, focused on developing social-emotional skills, language and literacy, math, and physical development, to support kids who may not be ready for kindergarten.

Transitional to Elementary School (TES) is a program offered by preschools or childcare centers to prepare children for kindergarten. It typically focuses on language and literacy, math, social-emotional development, and basic self-help skills so kids can successfully transition to the academic and social expectations of kindergarten.

Related: How to Help Your Child Transition to Kindergarten Like a Pro

Pros of Delaying Kindergarten

three kids who are kindergarten age draw at a table with markers in the classroom
iStock

Your kid will (probably) be more willing to sit still if given an extra year.

Whether or not your five-year-old will sit still during circle time or stay on task at writing centers (or at home) may depend on their age, since younger children generally have a harder time doing both. Studies have shown that kids are often misdiagnosed with behavior problems in kindergarten when in fact, the behaviors are just a matter of being younger than classmates. And, according to this Stanford University study, children who wait a year to enroll have significantly lower levels of inattention and hyperactivity—with results continuing even at age 11.

Your kid may be misdiagnosed with ADHD if they start too early.

All those wiggles in the classroom may have some unintended consequences for kids regarding the right age to start kindergarten. A 2018 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that kids who turned five the month before starting kindergarten were more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than those who started the month that they turned six. "Our findings suggest the possibility that large numbers of kids are being overdiagnosed and overtreated for ADHD because they happen to be relatively immature compared to their older classmates in the early years of elementary school," said study author Timothy Layton, an assistant professor of health care policy at Harvard Medical School, in this article for Education Week

An older child will probably have an easier time saying goodbye to you.

Younger kids—especially those who haven’t attended a preschool program—may have a tougher time saying goodbye in the morning (and we all know how hard it is to leave a tearful tot at drop-off). Giving your child more time to become independent may help her let go when it’s time for the school day to start. with the in-home model of learning most schools will use this year, it may be challenging to start a drop-off situation mid-year should children resume in-class learning. 

Their fine motor skills will be more developed.

Older kids usually have an easier time with fine motor activities (holding a pencil and using scissors, for instance). Doing these things can help build confidence and make a kid more excited about their accomplishments at school.

They have more time to be kids; you have more time with them.

Waiting to start formal schooling gives kids more time to be kids, to enjoy a more leisurely day, and to play freely (which, studies have suggested may be more valuable than academics for young children). Delaying kindergarten also gives you one more year with your child. If you're lucky enough to be home with your kiddo, you'll be glad you got that time.

Related: What Redshirting My Son Taught Me about Time

Cons of Delaying Kindergarten

a kindergarten age boy plays with friends building with colorful blocks
iStock

An older child may be taller than their classmates; that matters (especially in middle school).

You may not be thinking about the teen years yet, but let’s not forget: A child who is the oldest kid in kindergarten will also be the oldest in her middle school grade—and that’s no small thing, especially when puberty hits.

They may be bored (and consequently misbehave).

This study has suggested that kids who delayed kindergarten were twice as likely to drop out of high school. Researchers think this is because they reach adult age sooner, which is when kids are legally allowed to quit school on their own (most state laws require kids to stay in school until at least age 17).

That extra year may be expensive.

If you’re a working parent, delaying kindergarten means another year of paying for childcare or preschool. And, with the average cost of preschool as high as more than $10,000 per year in some states (according to this study from the Economic Policy Institute), it’s an expensive wait.

They may not find peers on their level (initially).

A year can make a big difference when you’re only still in your first decade of life. This means a calm, more introverted six-year-old may have trouble finding like-minded peers in a kindergarten class full of rowdy five-year-olds.

It may not matter in the long run.

Despite conflicting research and strong opinions on both sides, it is still unclear whether “redshirting” makes any difference in the long run. Some studies even suggest that, whether your child starts school a year early or a year late, it all levels out by the middle school years.

Related: 16 First Day of School Picture Ideas to Start the Year Off Right

So… Now What?

With all that information,  you’re probably still wondering: What is the right age to start kindergarten? The answer: Both. It depends on the kid.

“Kids should be with developmental age peers as much as possible since kindergarten builds not just academics but social skills, too,” said Deanna Lapen, a Los Angeles-based school psychologist and former kindergarten teacher. “With that being said, every child is an individual. Parents should think about why they would consider redshirting.”

Lapen said parents should talk with their child’s preschool teacher (if applicable) as well as look at the kindergarten curriculum for whatever school their child might attend. Then ask: “Is the upcoming kindergarten class a place where the child will thrive socially and academically?”

If so, don’t delay. And, as always—trust your instincts.

Get ready for some major throwbacks

There’s something magical that happens when little fingers turn the pages of a good book—the words and illustrations within reveal a world of imagination that isn’t visible on a screen. We’ve gathered 24 classic children’s books that belong on the bookshelf of every young reader. From books where the weather is a little, well, unique, to page-turners about wizards and interplanetary travel, these stories transport readers into a world where animals talk and even the hardest life lessons are easy to understand. So unplug the tablet and introduce the kiddos to the classics that shaped our own childhoods.

Classic Children’s Books for Little Kids

1. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
There’s a reason nearly every newborn baby is given a copy of Goodnight Moon as a gift. The engaging text (“goodnight room, goodnight moon”) and the soothing illustrations have kept this story a bedtime staple for generations. The simple nature of the story makes it a great first book when little ones start becoming readers too. Age range: 1 and up. Buy it here.

2. Love You Forever by Robert Musch
We’d be remiss if we didn’t include this simple story about the unconditional love that is always present between a mom and her little one. From baby to toddler, and from tween to teen, Love You Forever illustrates that a mother’s bond with her kiddo will never break. Age range: 1 and up. Buy it here.

3. Animalia by Graeme Base
The illustrations alone are worth adding this classic kids’ book to the shelf. Top it of with each picture being a letter of the alphabet and plenty of hidden games and riddles, and your kids will be enthralled for hours. Ages: 2-8. Buy it here.

4. The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper
Behind this story about the little engine who was small but mighty is the lesson that anything can be accomplished if you believe in yourself and put your mind to the task. We think this is an important lesson for all kids to learn. What better way to teach it than through the words of the beloved blue train? Today’s self-help gurus have nothing on this famous tale of motivation and positive thinking. Age range: 3 and up. Buy it here.

5. Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
What little kid hasn’t imagined being swept away into an imaginary world where all his problems disappear? This classic book may have been written in 1963, but its theme is still relatable to today’s young readers. Let your kiddo’s imagination soar as she follows the adventures of Max as his bedroom turns into a jungle full of wild things. Age range: 3-5 years. Buy it here.

Corduroy is a classic children's book

6. Corduroy by Don Freeman
Who can resist this sweet brown bear whose only desire is to be taken home by a friend? Locked in a department store overnight, this fun book follows the adventures of a teddy bear named Corduroy. Your kids will love this classic children’s book, and like many of our fellow childhood peers, might even name their teddy bear after Dan Freeman’s protagonist. Age range: 3-5 years. Buy it here.

7. The Story of Ferdinand by Munro Leaf
All timid bull Ferdinand wants to do is sit under his cork tree in the shade and smell the flowers. But a case of mistaken ability leads Ferdinand to the bullfights in Madrid, where he comes face to face with the Banderilleros, Picadores, and the brave Matador who, try as they might, just can’t get him to fight. Ages 3-5. Buy it here.

8. The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats
Explore a tranquil winter wonderland with Peter, an African-American boy who dons a rather iconic red suit. Keats’ illustrations have a humble and peaceful aura that makes us eager for winter. Ages 3-5. Buy it here. 

9. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
Looks like Alexander’s got a case of the “Mondays.” He’s got gum stuck in his hair; he gets the hump seat on the ride to school; He’s served lima beans at lunch. What else could go wrong? Find out when you read this classic kids’ book. Ages 3-7. Buy it now.

10. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by Judi Barrett
Who can forget the legendary bedtime story (or was it?) about the tiny town of Chewandswallow? Yup, the place where the weather is a drizzle of orange juice, a drift of mashed potatoes, and drifts of hamburgers. It’s when the food gets larger and more intense that the story gets really interesting. This classic children’s book is just as good as when it was published in 1987. Ages: 3-7. Buy it here.

11. Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmans
In this old house in Paris all covered in vines, lived the wonderful story of Madeline. Kids love the stories about this famous orphan and how her bravery helps her face fierce tigers, little mice, and even a burst appendix. Madeline’s individuality makes her a classic and modern-day heroine for younger readers. Age range: 3-8 years. Buy it here.

12. Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson
Harold and his big imagination take a purple crayon out for a walk under the moon one night. As he draws his adventures, he comes across a pie-only picnic, a monster guarding an apple tree, and a friendly policeman who finally points him in the right direction—back home to the comfort of his bed. It’s a classic for a reason. Ages 4-7. Buy it here.

13. Caps for Sale: A Tale of a Peddler, Some Monkeys, and Their Monkey Business by Esphyr Slobodkina
This humorous story of a peddler chasing after mischievous monkeys for his hats will have your teeny rascal holding their stomach in stitches. A twist on the saying, “Monkey see, monkey do,” Caps for Sale is a timeless read-aloud with repetitive sentences that invite listeners to join in. Ages 4-8. Buy it here. 

14. The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch
Princess Elizabeth has a very nice life until a dragon burns it all (including her clothes) to the ground and takes off with her prince. Follow along as the spunky and brave protagonist dons a paper bag and rescues the prince (who turns out to be a dud) instead of waiting to be rescued herself. This classic children’s book has a strong feminist message and is a lot of fun. Ages 4-7. Buy it here.

15. Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Rubin
Let’s get one thing straight. Dragons love tacos. All kinds of tacos. And not just on Taco Tuesday. But, be forewarned, serving a dragon a spicy taco never ends well. This must-have classic children’s book has been delighting readers of all ages for well over a decade. Age 2-5. Buy it here.

15. The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton

The beloved tale of a little house that watches the seasons go by year after year, until the big city, (which she always wondered about) expands into her rolling hills and apple orchards. Built sturdy by her first owner, she watches as the buildings grow taller and taller until one day, she’s rescued and restored to the country. A beautiful story about appreciating what you have and the loyalty of family, this Caldecott Medal winner is a classic children’s book everyone will love. Age 2-7. Buy it here.

Classic Kids’ Books for Older Children

Charlotte's Web is a classic children's book

17. Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
A box of tissues is recommended to accompany this classic story of Wilbur the pig, Charlotte the spider, Fern, and all their beloved barnyard friends. This story is, at its heart, about the power of friendship and words, and how those things can truly change someone’s life for the better. Age range: 6-11 years. Buy it here.

18. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
While we’re totally #teamgenewilder when it comes to film adaptations, there’s nothing quite like reading the original. You’ll get more of Charlie’s backstory, and the details of the chocolate factory are a treat for the imagination. Age range: 6-9. Buy it here.

19. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling
When J.K. Rowling wrote the sentence, “Every child in our world will know his name,” in the first chapter of The Sorcerer’s Stone, no one had any idea those words would ring so true. While kids love Harry, Hermione, and Ron’s adventures at Hogwarts, we like that at the root of these books is the lesson that nothing is stronger than the bond of friendship. Age range: 7 and up. Buy it here.

20. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Kids will love this world filled with magic and imagination. Find out what happens when four siblings, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy, step through the doorway from their wardrobe into the magical world of Narnia. While there are certainly more books that make up The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe is probably the best-known in the series. Age range: 8 years and up. Buy it here.

21. Anne of Green Gables Series  by L.M. Montgomery
While the books were originally published in 1908, we bet your little ones will still delight in the young orphan, Anne Shirley’s adventures as she makes her way at Green Gables. Her feisty spirit, outspoken nature, and sense of humor make Anne a great role model for young girls and teach them that it’s okay to speak up and be yourself. Age range: 9 years and up. Buy it here.

the Secret Garden is a classic children's book

22. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
While this book is geared more toward the older reader, it still deserves to be on the list of classic kids’ books. Young readers will love following Mary Lennox and her adventures in a secret garden that soon changes not only her life but the lives of the new friends she makes. We love seeing Mary’s transformation from sad to happy and nature’s role in that change. Age range: 9 and up. Buy it here. 

23. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L’Engle
Travel between universes and go on an adventure that digs into the meaning of family bonding and friendship in this classic children’s book. Note to sensitive bookworms: The plot can get dark and teems with unsavory characters. Ages 10 & up. Buy it here

24. The Giver by Lois Lowry
The first of a three-book series, this Newbery Award-winning novel is the tale of 12-year-old James, who lives in a utopian society. When he receives his life assignment (his job), he begins to see the darker underside of a seemingly perfect world. When he needs to save someone he loves, his own power will be put to the test. Ages 10 & up. Buy it here.

 

All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers and creators as noted.

The 2023 guide to buying a Christmas tree in Los Angeles whether it’s a pre-cut tree, one that you cut down yourself, potted, flocked, or fake—it’s all inside

The first step in jumpstarting the Christmas spirit? Getting your tree of course! Most Christmas tree lots and farms open the day after Thanksgiving although there are a few that open a little earlier if you can’t wait to inhale that fresh-fir scent. Whether you’re looking to cut a Christmas tree yourself, wondering where to buy a Christmas tree nearby, or want to experience a whole holiday Christmas tree-buying adventure, there are plenty of options when it comes to finding the perfect Christmas tree in and around Los Angeles. From genuine tree farms to pop-up tree lots filled with live Christmas trees, these are the best spots to buy Christmas trees in LA, including some Christmas tree lots with a little extra Christmas spirit on the side.

Where to Buy Your Christmas Tree in Los Angeles & the Westside

Mr. Jingles Christmas Trees

All of the Mr. Jingles lots are staffed with friendly tree-huggers and have plenty of fresh-cut, sustainable trees at these Christmas tree lots. Trees are sourced from both Oregon’s Cascade Mountains and North Carolina. And if you want a 2' or a 17' Christmas tree, it's all here.

Holiday Trimmings: Online orders and delivery are available now. They also offer installation as well as tree removal services. Don't forget to shop their garlands, wreaths, ornaments, lights, and decor available at this spot. PS: Every tree comes with a stand but if you have your own Christmas tree stand, bring it so they can attach your tree to it (and will make sure it's straight before sending you on your way).

Various Locations: Hollywood, West LA, Original Farmers Market, Woodland Hills and Torrance
Online: mrjingleschristmastrees.com

Shawn's Christmas Trees

With over 40 years of selling trees on LA’s Westside, these guys know their stuff and you’re all but guaranteed to come home with the tree of your dreams. And with a bigger and better tree lot than years past, you'll find fan-favorites like Silvertip Christmas trees, Nordmann, Grand, Noble and Douglas (these originate from Oregon) as well as crowd-pleasing Frasers (brought in from North Carolina because of their quality to stay fresh and last longer). 

Holidays Trimmings: They also offer fire retardant and tree flocking treatments. If your door needs some love, Shawn’s also features 6 different size wreaths for more Christmas decor. They also offer delivery on the westside and Christmas tree removal service.

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 24

11650 Santa Monica Blvd.
Los Angeles
Online: shawnschristmastrees.com

Mr. Greentrees

Choose from their sustainable selections of Nobles, Silvertip trees, Douglas Fir, and Nordmann trees (handpicked from family farms in Washington and Oregon), and add merry home accents like mistletoe, boughs, fresh greenery, plus wreaths and ornaments galore.

Holiday Trimmings: Mr. Greentrees also provides online and phone purchases, delivery and installation services, as well as custom orders. Rumor has it that celebs like to frequent this spot, so keep your peepers peeled if star sightings float your boat. 

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 22

8950 Sunset Blvd.
West Hollywood
Online: mrgreentrees.com

Delancey Street Trees

Delancey Street is one of the country's leading residential self-help organizations. Every year, Delancey Street runs Christmas tree lots in various locations across the county (LA location is in Manhattan Beach) between Thanksgiving and Christmas and is used as an important training school in the basics of sales, particularly for new residents.

Holiday Trimmings: Delancey Street Trees also carry mistletoe, indoor tree lights, decorated wreaths, living potted pines, tree removal bags, and water bowls for trees. Flame retardant is also available. Additionally, they offer commercial decorating services in LA.

813 N Sepulveda
Manhattan Beach
Online: delanceytrees.org

 

Where to Buy Your Christmas Tree on the Eastside

Santa and Mikey's

Christmas trees at this local lot are hand-picked from Washington state—arriving weekly in batches to ensure the freshest of the fresh. Bonus points? Some of the nicest, friendliest staff in the city who are eager to help you pick out your perfect evergreen.

Holiday Trimmings: You can have your tree trimmed on-site for free and you can purchase lush boughs and wreaths here too. 

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 22

259 Sierra Madre Villa Ave.
Pasadena
Online: santaandmikey.com

Where to Buy Your Christmas Tree in the Valley

Tina's Trees

Tina’s welcomes families with a warm, friendly atmosphere, and you can choose your perfect fresh-cut tree from their assortment of Noble, Douglas, Grand Firs, Frasiers and Silvertips. Wondering which tree is best for you and your family? Don’t hesitate to ask for Tina’s help in finding the perfect tree–she's been running a successful Christmas tree business since 1977 and is truly the matchmaker of trees. Describe what you need (size, smell, how long you want it to last, etc.) and she’ll match you with the perfect variety for you. 

Holiday Trimmings: If you’ve got tall ceilings or big rooms to fill, this is the place for you. Tina's stocks an impressive selection of massive 14’ to 15’ trees, and offers custom flocking and fire retardant. They also have an assortment of wreaths and garlands.

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 24

Westfield Fashion Square
4725 Woodman Ave.
Sherman Oaks

23611 Calabasas Rd.
Calabasas
Online: tinastrees.com

Santa & Sons Christmas Trees

How lovely are their branches? Very. All of the trees at Santa and Sons come from a family-run Oregon farm, using sustainable farming methods that have been certified by the Coalition of Environmentally Conscious Growers. Their trees come with a big price tag, but you’re getting a super fresh fire that’s environmentally conscious and stunning to boot. You and your tiny tree people can choose from an array of Douglas Fir, Nordmann Fir, and Noble Fir Christmas trees, ranging anywhere from 3’ to 11’ tall. 

Holiday Trimmings: Not only do they offer home delivery but they also offer online ordering and their signature "U-Pick Webcam" Service. Simply call the lot, tell them what kind of tree you're looking for, and they'll livestream your options!

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 24

12901 Burbank Blvd.
Van Nuys
Online: santasons.com

Underwood Family Farms

For something in between the neighborhood tree lot and a cut-your-own farm, consider a trip to Underwood Family Farms—a favorite spot for kids' birthday parties in LA and for kids born in Dec. this place is a no-brainer). While the farm doesn't grow its own trees, this one-stop shop stocks plenty of fresh-cut options (Noble, Grand, Fraser, Nordmann, Douglas Fir, and Silvertip trees are from Big Wave Dave’s Christmas Trees from Ventura), as well as mistletoe, wreaths, garlands and stands.

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 24

3370 Sunset Valley Rd.
Moorpark
Online: underwoodfamilyfarms.com

U-Cut Your Own Christmas Tree near Los Angeles

Hagle Tree Farm

Wondering where you can cut your own Christmas tree in Los Angeles? Make the trip to this festive Somis farm early in the season for the best selection of choose-and-cut Monterey Pines. They've also got a large supply of pre-cut Noble and Nordmann Firs if you don't want to get your hands dirty. For even more holiday fun, visit during special weekends when there'll be pony rides, a petting zoo, and pics with Santa! 

Christmas Tree Farm Opens: Nov. 24

3442 Somis Rd.
Somis
Online: hagletreefarm.com

Frosty’s Forest Christmas Tree Farm

Pining to recreate childhood memories of tromping through the forest to cut your own tree? Frosty's Forest is the place for you. Additionally, they offer candy canes and festive Christmas music. If you don’t feel like chopping, they’ve also got living trees in containers. 

25235 Orchard Village Rd.
Valencia
Online: greennurseryscv.com

Sand Haven Pines

Located just over 60 miles from DTLA, this Riverside farm offers an authentic tree-picking experience with a huge selection of cut-your-own pines (plus potted options, just in case). 

Holiday Trimmings: Tree flocking is available and the staff on the farm will help you shake your tree (to shed any loose needles), wrap it, and add a stand. While there, kids can sneak in a visit with Santa (bring your camera!) and take advantage of the free bounce house, candy canes, and popcorn while parents can enjoy the free coffee.

Christmas Tree Lot Opens: Nov. 18

19255 Wood Rd.
Perris
Online: sandhavenpines.com

Christmas Ranch Tree Farm

This family-owned operation now runs two farms, one in Simi Valley (since 1971) and the other in Thousand Oaks (since 1972). Both destinations offer a variety of cut-your-own options, including Noble, Pine, Grand, Fraser, and Nordmann plus fragrant Monterey Pines, hardy Aleppo Pines and Leyland Cypress. As with other u-chop spots, there are also pre-cut trees, along with wreaths and more festive evergreen decor. 

Holiday Trimmings: Flocking, garland and wreaths are available for purchase and for those that can't make it here in-person, online ordering and delivery is available as well.

Christmas Tree Farm Opens: Nov. 24

1586 Pederson Rd.
Thousand Oaks

3800 Cochran St.
Simi Valley
Online: christmasranchtreefarms.com

Where to Buy a Fake Christmas Tree in Los Angeles (Plus Ornaments & Decor)

Aldik Home: For more than 60 years, Aldik Home has provided home decor enthusiasts with high-quality silk flowers, silk foliage, floral arrangements, custom artificial trees, home decor, artificial Christmas trees and Holiday decor. Get inspired by their amazing Christmas displays in their Van Nuys showroom where you'll encounter thousands of ornaments, luxurious ribbon, LED lights and, quite possibly, some of best artificial Christmas trees in the country.

7651 Sepulveda Blvd.
Van Nuys
Online: aldikhome.com

How to Recycle Your Christmas Tree in Los Angeles

Thankfully, recycling your Christmas tree is relatively simple although there are a few steps to take before you hand it over to the sanitation department. Bookmark and save our guide on how to dispose of your Christmas tree and recycle it the right way. 

 

 

These subscription boxes for moms are the gifts that keep on giving year round

The anticipation of opening gifts is as fun as the gifts themselves, in our humble opinion. Even when we have a pretty good idea what’s inside, the anticipation is part of the fun. That’s why we’re such big fans of subscription gifts. They’re super fun when we sign up for them ourselves, but these subscription boxes for moms are the ultimate in Mother’s Day gifts. They aren’t just a one-and-done thing—oh no, you get to be surprised every week, month, or quarter with these!

Subscriptions are a great idea for those loved ones you’re struggling to buy for, who already have it all, or who just love getting packages (we’re all raising our hands over here!). They’re an awesome alternative to gift cards, too! We also definitely wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to subscribe to a few of these, yourself. In fact, we did! No matter what you’re looking for, there’s something for every mom in our round up of subscription boxes for moms to make this Mother’s Day (and every month after) special (and maybe delicious or easy or fragrant or cozy or…) Check out our list of a few of our favorite ideas!

HelloFresh & HelloFresh Canada

HelloFresh

What's better than cooking? Not having to shop for ingredients! With HelloFresh, everything you need to create incredible meals is right in the box, including easy-to-follow instructions and from-the-farm ingredients. HelloFresh (Starting at $75.00)—Buy Now! 

HelloFresh is also available in Canada! HelloFresh Canada (Starting at CA$73.00)—Buy Now!

Tinybeans

Tinybeans

No, it doesn't come in a box, but aside from our obvious love, 150,000 5-star reviews from our users agree. With Tinybeans, you can easily and privately capture and organize your kiddo’s best moments and milestones in a single platform. Its intuitive interface, along with features like photobook creation and easy customization, make organizing and searching for memories a breeze. Tinybeans—Get it Here!

Scentbird

Scentbird

A monthly subscription of an 8ml fragrance! That means you can try all sorts of scents without the commitment. Scentbird's huge collection of fragrances makes it super easy to find your new signature scent, too. Scentbird ($16.95/mo)—Buy Now!

Taylor Cookies

Taylor Cookies

With their huge, 6-ounce cookies that are irresistible ooey-gooey, dense center with a browned, crispy edge it's no wonder why Taylor Cookies has already become a TikTok sensation and is loved by celebrities including Taylor Lautner! Their subscription service lets you pick your dozen to be delivered every month, so you'll be able to look forward to drooling every. single. month. Taylor Cookies Cookie Club (Starting at $50.00)—Buy Now!

Yohana

Yohana

Okay, so Yohana isn't an official gift box, but we absolutely love it, especially for moms! Ever wondered how celebs do it all? They have help. And you know what? They aren't the only ones who deserve to get it. Yohana is the first ever concierge service that matches families with a team of specialists to manage their wildly busy lives.The service has been proven to save some families up to 10 hours per week they’d otherwise spend tackling their to-do list.

Members are matched with a Guide who helps manage their family's goals, and a whole team of specialists who manage everything from household tasks (finding a housekeeper, scheduling forgettable renewals, researching alternative internet providers), to family to-dos (planning a birthday party, coordinating appointments, scheduling snacks for soccer practice) and experiences (find a place to donate old baby gear, plan a family weekend getaway, volunteer as a family). It's all managed via the app on your phone or desktop. This is the ultimate gift! Yohana—Gift It Here!

TheraBox Self-Care Box

TheraBox/Cratejoy

Each TheraBox includes 1 research-inspired therapeutic activity to wire your brain for more joy + 7 full size treats to pamper your mind, body and soul. They aim to inspire more self-love & happiness through therapist curated products that reduce stress and enhance your life. As seen on Oprah, Forbes, The Today Show, ABC News, Good Morning America, and BuzzFeed! TheraBox (Starting at $35.00/mo)—Buy Now!

Goddess Provisions

Goddess Provisions/Cratejoy

Each Goddess Provisions box has a mix of crystals, aromatherapy, natural beauty products, superfood snacks, and spiritual tools. This is the subscription box for goddesses only (which means every mom, obviously). Goddess Provisions (Starting at $27.75/mo)—Buy Now!

Fancy Sprinkles

Fancy Sprinkles

Unleash your creative potential all year long with a Fancy Sprinkles Decorating Kit Subscription. Enjoy decorating experiences sent to your door to help you celebrate the year’s biggest and best seasonal moments. Along with instructions and education, each kit comes with all the Fancy Sprinkles products needed to accomplish decoration. From Edible Glitter to Melting Candy, limited-edition sprinkles, tools, and more, you'll receive what you need to create on-trend food items throughout the seasons. Fancy Sprinkles Subscription ($50.00/every 2 months)—Buy Now!

My Fashion Crate

My Fashion Crate/Cratejoy

Unlike other styling services, you keep everything you get in My Fashion Crate! Boxes include clothing, accessories, shoes, gift cards, and other surprises. Each My Fashion Crate is curated for the season, too, so you can wear what you get right away! My Fashion Crate ($55.00)—Buy Now!

Factor

Factor

Factor is perfect for the loved ones in your life who are focused on healthy living and makes eating well so easy! Factor's team of dietitians developed an immense menu of smoothies, juices, and ready-made meals. From keto to high-protein to low-carb to vegan and vegetarian options, they'll be able to find the perfect menu for their lifestyle. Factor (Starting at $90.00)—Buy Now!

Crooked Cottage Candle Club

Etsy

The candle obsession is real! Every month, look forward to goodies like best selling candles, special editions made just for subscribers, wax melts, matches, match refills, car diffusers, tea lights, and more. Crooked Cottage even asks about your favorite scents or if you have any special requests! Handcrafted, high-quality soy candles with amazing fragrances make incredible gifts (and not just for Mother's Day!). Crooked Cottage Candle Club (Starting at $125.00)—Buy Now

Green Chef

Green Chef

Green Chef is all about fresh, sustainable ingredients, right down to their eco-friendly packaging! Many of the ingredients, from chopped veggies to homemade sauces, have been prepped for you, so you can save time while still getting the flavor of freshly-made dishes. Each recipe card and kit bag are color-coded so you can easily find what you need fast. All of their packaging is made from recycled, reusable, and/or compostable materials! Green Chef (Starting at $50)—Buy Now!

EveryPlate

EveryPlate

We know that meal delivery services can be associated with premium pricing, and that's what makes EveryPlate different. Each meal costs less than $5, but without sacrificing quality! They've made minor tweaks and changes to make EveryPlate a little bit different, and those tiny changes allow for them to pass along major savings. Simple, delicious, easy meals. That's a real gift! EveryPlate (Starting at $50.00)—Buy Now!

Tovala

Tovala

Tovala is redefining meal delivery! How? With the Tovala oven. This baby is a 6-in-1 steam + air fry oven that's specially designed to create the meals Tovala delivers. Scan the QR code and you're off. Or, scan the barcode of your favorite groceries, pantry staples, and frozen foods, for quick delicious results. When you feel like cooking, keep it simple. Follow a few prep steps in the app, then press “cook” to a make a chef-perfected side dish, brunch, or lunch. When they say "smart oven", they mean it! Tovala Smart Oven ($99.00+) & Meal Plan (Starting at $9.99/meal)—Buy Now!

Winc

Winc

Winc is our favorite way to try out new wines and enjoy ones we already love! This monthly subscription service pairs you with bottles and blends catered to your specific tastes. How do they know what makes your tastebuds tingle? Winc creates your wine profile after you answer 6 (yep—only 6) questions and sends you an exclusive selection of vinos based on your answers. You'll rate each bottle and Winc will continue to tailor their recommendations to your preferences as they get to know you! It's a fantastic way to discover new flavors, learn about different regions, and always have a bottle on hand for a special evening (even if having the bottle on hand is what makes the evening special!). Give a Winc Gift—Start Here!

Monthly Muse Art Inspiration Box

Etsy

Jump start the creative process with the Monthly Muse box! Perfect for beginners figuring out where to start, DIY enthusiasts, and artists just looking for inspiration. The Monthly Muse Box Includes: 22 different art prompts/activities on their own 4x6 numbered watercolor paper, prompt instruction packet, additional colored paper to be use for specific exercises, Micron pen 02, pencil, colored tape, art print (4x6”), and a coloring sheet (4x6"). 1, 3, and 6 month options available. Monthly Muse Art Inspiration Box ($35.00+)—Buy Now!

Raising the Bar

Raising the Bar

Whether you're someone who practices sobriety as a lifestyle, is taking a break, is pregnant, or just looking for more options this holiday season, Raising the Bar has to be your first stop. Their incredible alcohol-free subscription service is the perfect way to explore zero-proof cocktails. Each box features a drink of the month recipe card, all the ingredients needed to create it, and one or two extras, like a garnish or bar tool.

With alcohol-free spirits and teas, syrups, bitters, and tonics, and juices, mixes, and carbonation, Raising the Bar has created fun, sophisticated, and super yummy cocktails that are so good, you won't miss the booze. Each month is something new, so although RTB offers a month-to-month subscription option, we highly recommend their 3, 6, or 12 month options! Raising the Bar Non-Alcoholic Subscription Box (Starting at $50.75/month)—Buy Now

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers. 

Pay tribute to the deceased with these Día de los Muertos Los Angeles events

Every fall, many families gather to honor and remember their loved ones who have passed away by celebrating Día de los Muertos or the Day of the Dead. Whether they decorate elaborate altars with photos and sentimental objects of remembrance or paint their faces like skulls, otherwise known as Calaveras, there are many special traditions you can share with your children. We’ve rounded up some of the best events in SoCal to commemorate the holiday this year.

What Is Día de los Muertos?

Celebrated throughout the Americas, the tradition of Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, originated in Mexico. Kids will recognize the colorfully decorated sugar skull as the most common symbol. Your town or neighborhood may host a celebration, but not everyone knows the meaning behind it. Did you know: Día de los Muertos holiday is actually two days, held consecutively: Nov. 1 is marked as a day to honor lost children, as well as any lost or forgotten souls. Nov. 2, Day of the Dead official, honors all lost ancestors and loved ones.

Los Angeles Day of the Dead Events Near Me

Plaza de Familia at Disney California Adventure Park
Now - Nov. 2: The Disney and Pixar Academy Award-winning film, Coco, comes to life at Disney California Adventure’s Plaza de la Familia with an immersive celebration of the everlasting bonds of family. Highlights include A Musical Celebration of Coco, photos with the film’s main character, Miguel, as well as Mariachi concerts, paper mask design, delicious Mexican food, and an opportunity to post personal messages to loved ones at the memory wall near the Mexican Arbol de la Vida (Tree of Life). Event details.

Related: 18 Latinx Trailblazers You & Your Kids Should Know

More Day of the Day Events around Los Angeles

Día de los Muertos at Olvera Street
Now - Nov. 2: Over nine days, a colorful celebration of Día de los Muertos takes place on Olvera St. that blends ancient traditions with modern interpretations of the holiday. Highlights include nightly theatrical performances, a vibrant parade honoring loved ones who’ve passed, community altars, free sweet bread, entertainment, face painting on select dates, and a 5K race celebrating the Day of the Dead. Event details.

Día de los Muertos on the Third  Street Promenade
Now - Nov. 2: Downtown Santa Monica, Inc. (DTSM) is honoring Día de los Muertos, highlighting the traditional Mexican cultural celebration of life and death, with live entertainment and a display of nine La Catrina sculptures on view throughout three blocks of the Third Street Promenade. The larger-than-life sculptures are by Los Angeles-based artist Ricardo Soltero and depict La Catrina, one of Día de los Muertos' most recognizable figures originally created by Mexican illustrator Jose Guadalupe Posada. Santa Monica Ballet Folklorico, will perform on Oct. 30 at 6 p.m. on the 1300 block of the Promenade. Event details.

Related: Latinx-Owned Businesses in LA to Celebrate All Year Round

Coco Screening at LA Plaza de Cultura y Artes
Oct. 31: If you’re looking for something different to do this year on Halloween night, LA Plaza de Cultura y Artes is featuring a free outdoor screening of Disney and Pixar’s film, Coco. Event details.

Los Angeles Día de los Muertos Events Happening This November

Día de Los Muertos at Kidspace Children's Museum
Nov. 1-6: Families are invited to join in the celebration of life at Kidspace Children's Museum by contributing either items from home, such as scanned photos or trinkets, or by making paper flowers, clay figures, or drawings at the museum. Personal items from home should represent the lives and interests of loved ones who are being honored. Please do not bring anything valuable, perishable, flammable, or breakable, and keep in mind that the museum cannot return your items. The Día de Los Muertos celebration continues through the weekend with the music of Las Colibri, an all-female ensemble that plays a unique interpretation of traditional mariachi music on Nov. 4. Técnica Arte y Folklore will thrill guests with the colorful twills and lively steps of contemporary dance in Mexican folklore on Nov. 6. Event details.

Día de los Muertos Family Festival
Nov. 1: Nov. First Fridays at the Catalina Museum for Art & History will be on Tues. this month to Celebrate Día de los Muertos. Families and friends of all ages are invited to experience a free celebration with the 4th Annual Día de los Muertos Family Festival. The museum welcomes the colorful Mexican tradition celebrating life and death while honoring family members and friends who are no longer with us and will take place from 5:00-9:00 p.m. Enjoy an art project for the kids, local food vendors, cultural performances including live mariachi music followed by local band Sin Frontera, a performance by Ballet Folklorico Quetzal and more! The museum will be raffling off special Día de los Muertos Limited Edition Barbies during the event. Event details.

Día de los Muertos at Santa Monica Pier
Nov. 1 - Nov. 2:
Santa Monica Pier pays tribute to Día de los Muertos with a two-day public art installation inside the Merry-Go-Round building. Piergoers are invited to contribute to the community altar, as well as view altars created by local artists. There will also be an art installation called Letters of Life where guests are asked to share their favorite Pier memories, photos and anecdotes of family and friends who have passed. These will decorate the space via digital murals surrounding the Carousel over the course of the celebration. Event details.

16th Annual Día de los Muertos Festival at 24th St. Theatre
Nov. 2: This outdoor evening event will feature live music, performances, rides, craft vendors, and lots of food. All attendees are required to wear masks. Event details.

49th Annual Celebration of Día de los Muertos at Self Help Graphics & Art
Nov. 5: Join Self Help Graphics & Art for a family-friendly evening of live music, altars, street food vendors, DJs, a Día de los Muertos exhibition, and the Muertos Market featuring local artisans, artists, printmakers and designers. Event details.

Día de los Muertos Celebration at Dominguez Rancho Adobe Museum in Compton
Nov. 5: The public is invited to view ofrendas honoring those who have passed, watch live performances, dine on Mexican cuisine, and shop from talented local artisans. Event details.

22nd Annual Día de los Muertos Family festival on Main Street Canoga Park
Nov. 6: Enjoy a day with the family that's filled with live music, vendors, a classic car show, Aztec dancers, folklorico, ofrendas, as well as arts and crafts. Event details.

Hispanic Heritage Month is the perfect time to learn ways to support Hispanic and Latinx businesses and communities throughout the whole year.

National Hispanic Heritage Month runs from September 15th though October 15th, celebrating the history, culture, and incredible contributions of Hispanic and Latinx Americans throughout history. It’s a great time to learn, to express appreciation, and an excellent chance to focus on ways to support the Hispanic and Latinx businesses and communities all year. Read on for our ideas to celebrate and support Hispanic and Latinx businesses, creators, and designers. These goodies are sure to inspire!

Just Ask! by Sonia Sotomayor

Cover of Just Ask book

Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and award-winning artist Raphael Lopez teamed up to create Just Ask!, a book about embracing the differences in others. Justice Sotomayor uses her experience being diagnosed with diabetes as a child to write about all kinds of challenges some kids face, and highlights the special powers those kiddos have, too! Children are taught that each unique quality is what makes our world vibrant, and that learning about each other through kindness and curiosity is the foundation for inclusion.

Just Ask! by Sonia Sotomayor ($10.99) Here

Dia de Muertos Calavera & Flower Wreath

Dia de Muertos originated in Mexico as a colorful celebration of loved ones who are no longer with us. This gorgeous wreath was designed by Mexican native Flavia Z Drago, who shares her heritage through this whole Dia de Muertos Collection!

Dia de Muertos Calavera & Flower Wreath ($20) Here

Dia de Muertos Collection Here

Gaby's Latin American Kitchen by Gaby Melian

Cover of the book Gaby's Latin American Kitchen

Celebrity Chef Gaby Melian brings your young cooks into her own kitchen in Gaby's Latin American Kitchen! Kid-tested and kid-approved recipes fill the pages along with fun personal stories from Gaby herself, as well as a Spanish glossary and beautiful images of her culinary creations. Cooking-obsessed kiddos will learn how to create delicious meals from breakfast to dessert, and are immersed in Latin American culture at the same time!

Gaby's Latin American Kitchen by Gaby Melian ($13.39) Here

Cafe La Llave Premium Blend Espresso

Two bags of Cafe La Llave coffee beans

Cafe La Llave's story began 143 years ago when brothers Jose Maria and Ramon Gavina arrived in southern Cuba, where its coffee-bearing mountains became their home. They soon became well-known and well-loved by the community, and during the Cuban revolution, descendant Francisco Gavina and his family settled in Los Angeles. They've continued to create traditional Latin coffee using four generations of experience (which explains the almost 1,800 five-star Amazon reviews!). 

Cafe La Llave Premium Blend Espresso 32oz Whole Bean 2 Pack ($37.98) Here

La Llave Collection Here

Casita Michi Hermosa aka 'Beautiful' Candle

Product image of white poured jar candle

Casita Michi celebrates Latinx heritage through its collection of artisan goods. Owned and operated by a first-generation daughter of Latinx immigrants, Casita Michi focuses on pride and love of her Latinx background. The Casita Michi collection offers hand-poured candles, and we're big fans of Hermosa aka Beautiful. Coconut, amber, and tonka notes make this one a fave. Make sure to take a look at the other yummy candles from Casita Michi to find the one that speaks to you! (Plus, Macy's VIP Sale is on, so it's okay if two of these beauties happen to be speaking to you!)

Casita Michi Hermosa aka Beautiful Candle ($22.50 with code: VIP) Here 

Casita Michi Collection Here

TOMS X PRINTGONZALEZ Alpargata Leather Wrap

Image of tan Toms slip-on shoes

We already love TOMS for its commitment to donating 1/3 of its profits, and now this collaboration with Xicanx printmaker Daniel Gonzalez has us absolutely in love! These stunning designs Daniel has created uses the inspiration he's taken from Mesoamerican and Mexica art to create a different point of view of Dia de los Muertos. When you purchase any (or all!) of the three TOMS X PRINTGONZALEZ Alpargatas, TOMS is able to support organizations like Self Help Graphics & Art, which provides space, training, and capital for Chicano/a and Xicanx artists like Daniel!

TOMS X PRINTGONZALEZ Alpargata Leather Wrap ($69.95) Here

TOMS X PRINTGONZALEZ Collection Here

Project WE & Camila Rosa Graphic T-Shirt

Old Navy teamed up with the Fifteen Percent Pledge to create a collab to showcase diverse artists with the intention of gaining the visibility and equality they deserve! The incredibly talented artist Camila Rosa designed this gender-neutral tee for Project WE honoring the power of Latin women, and sporting this one shows your support of Camila Rosa and women like her. As a huge bonus, Old Navy is donating $500,000 through the Project WE series to the Fifteen Percent Pledge that supports the rise of Black creative entrepreneurs!

Project WE & Camila Rosa Graphic T-Shirt ($14.99) Here

Old Navy Latinx for the Family Collection Here

Hispanic Heritage Coloring Book

Cover of the Hispanic Heritage Coloring Book

Amazon's recommendations to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month includes this coloring book that offers fun coloring pages that honor Hispanic culture!

Hispanic Heritage Coloring Book ($7.50) Here

Fillo's Walking Tamales

Product image of bags of Walking Tamales in a row

Brothers Antonio and Daniel have leaned into their Cuban and Panamanian roots by creating Fillo's, a clean-label brand featuring shelf-stable Latin staples. Walking Tamales don't require refrigeration (except for any open unused portions), so they're ready to go wherever you are! With sweet and savory options, there's a Walking Tamale for everyone. 

Fillo's Walking Tamales Variety Pack ($17.99) Here

Fillo's Collection Here

Handcrafted Wooden Lazy Susan

Hispanic business Hasta la Raiz features incredible handmade items! This show-stopping lazy Susan is handmade in Mexico by local artisans. The print covers parota wood and is covered in resin, making it durable and sure to last!

Handcrafted Wooden Lazy Susan ($59) Here

Hasta la Raiz Collection Here

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers.

As a mom of four school-aged children and wife to an adventurous serial entrepreneur, trying to get work done while completing my graduate degree means there is never a dull moment.

To best manage my ever-changing and often chaotic schedule, I have read dozens of self-help books and amassed a treasure trove of tips and tools on how to live better and tap into my potential. I adopted high-performance habits, witnessed the life-changing magic of tidying up, embraced my imperfections, joined the 5 a.m. club, tapped into the power of now, and stopped apologizing. To say I “put in the work” would be an understatement.

In the midst of the pandemic ups and downs, I was grateful for the survival tips and life hacks that helped keep me stay sane while navigating uncharted territory. I shared many useful tools and life hacks on my blog and adapted them to help my clients move closer to their intended goals.

What happened next came somewhat unexpectedly. I went from “self-help junkie” to “self-help skeptic.” I discovered that what worked for me often didn’t work for others. In fact, tips that worked for some clients were sometimes detrimental to others and accomplished the opposite of their desired outcome.

I realized how important it was for me to understand the narrative beneath a particular individual’s desire for change before digging into which tools and lifestyle hacks are best suited for them. This was the most sustainable way to pave a path toward alignment between their core values and building the life they truly wanted.

Instead of looking for answers, we started digging for better questions. The tools are great, but are they great for you? Why do you want this change now? For example, facing fears can be a good thing, but does the notion of facing your fears apply in all situations?

Here’s another example: The often quoted “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no” has resulted in people saying no because it simply doesn’t “feel” good to say yes. Perhaps there are certified people-pleasers out there who can benefit from this approach, but if we adopt this view without deeper questioning, we run the risk of becoming narcissists, looking out for our own interests at the expense of others.

Un-Selfing Help

I have no doubt that the many self-help books I read have had a profound impact on my life and helped change it for the better. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to Brene, Eckhart, Dale, and all the self-help gurus who have made it their life’s mission to help us tap into our potential.

Despite having experienced tremendous growth from the self-help tools I adopted (I still wake up at 5 a.m. and get loads of stuff done before the kids take over) and from my graduate studies in psychology, my endless curiosity about the human condition helped me identify missing components of the puzzle that I previously wasn’t aware of.

The Spiritual Approach

In his best-selling and widely acclaimed book Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks shares a profound truth that completely altered the way I understood self-help and self-care.

While the willpower and desire for change come from us, for most of us it is the quality of our relationships that give us meaning and fulfillment, and it is in our ability to love and care for another that we can go beyond our “self.”

Sacks proposes we shift from “I” to “We” and become concerned with the welfare of others as though it were our own. Sacks argues that “the only people that will save us from ourselves is ‘We’ the People.”

While this concept isn’t new, we have seen a lot of new research on the link between taking responsibility and doing for others and improved physical health, mental health, increased happiness levels, and so forth. In a survey of people in 136 countries, people who had donated money to charity were happier than those who had not, and today we see the direct health benefits of helping others and volunteering.

The interdependent nature of our society is perhaps more evident today than ever, and in a post-COVID world, we will have a rare opportunity to re-examine the role of self-help and self-care and recognize the inescapable link between the “self” and the “other,” which will hopefully lead us to a place of greater connection, fulfillment and increased joy.

I have always loved looking to research for guidance on best practices for more wholesome living, and so I continue to share tips with my clients and on my blog. My hope is that you might do the same and adopt what works for you while remaining curious and having in mind that there is no one size fits all formula for success.

As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you that when success is measured on someone else’s barometer or defined by external forces (e.g., standards of others, validation, results) as opposed to internal ones (the inherent value of what we are doing or want to do), not only do we become more likely to “cheat” the system (like using that oh-so-tempting Instagram filter that makes us look flawless), but we also begin to cheat our systems—the one inside ourselves that is left feeling continuously depleted, as though we are never enough.

Finally, time is a precious, unrenewable resource, so use it wisely. How are you spending your time? Take note of what you can change to move closer toward your intended goals and not someone else’s. I couldn’t think of a better quote that beautifully encapsulates this principle than this verse from Hillel the Elder: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me. If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, then when?

Originally published November 2020.

Eda Schottenstein is a mental health awareness advocate, founder of The Multi-Role Woman, children’s book author and mother of four. She is passionate about helping women who “struggle with the juggle,” guiding them to bridge the gap between where they are and where they aspire to be.

OK, that’s an exaggeration…she didn’t really almost ruin my marriage, but she did make me very twitchy and short-tempered with my husband for a few weeks.

It started out innocently enough: One morning, my perennially messy husband began bemoaning the state of his dresser, as he tried in vain to locate an undershirt without pit stains or holes in it from within a tangled wad of old t-shirts.

“You should read that tidying up book,” I said sarcastically. To which my husband replied, “What are you talking about?”

After I explained the basic premise of Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” which was so hugely popular a few years back, I noticed a foreboding twinkle in my husband’s eye. Next thing I knew, he’d downloaded the audiobook and was listening to it every morning as he got ready for work.

His obsession began slowly, presenting itself in his innocent yet sweeping suggestions of how Kondo would handle my ongoing fight against the after-school clutter that my children amass—with graded papers spilling out over the dining room table and squished school snacks littering the bottoms of backpacks. At first, it was kind of endearing that he was noticing what I struggle with on a daily basis and offering sympathy and advice (albeit unsolicited advice).

Then, a week or so later, my husband quietly observed me tussling with our Tupperware cabinet. As I tried to find just the right storage container with matching lid for leftovers, he said, “Have you ever considered holding each of those storage containers in your hand and asking yourself, ‘Does this bring me joy?’” This was the first of many times in the coming weeks that my eyes rolled violently back in my head and I cursed the day that I ever uttered the words “Marie Kondo” to my oblivious husband.

But the straw that broke the camel’s back was the day that he suggested that “we” (meaning I) change the way that “we” (I) fold our laundry to better facilitate the ease with which we can find what we’re looking for in our dresser. I’d had enough.

You see, I’m the laundress (if you will) in our house. I’m the one who pre-treats stains, washes, dries, folds and hangs our laundry. It’s a job that I actually (mostly) enjoy—I find it meditative to quietly fold clothes and I enjoy the scent of fresh laundry—call me crazy. Also, I have it down to a science. I have a certain way that I do things. Certain days I launder bed linens and towels. Certain ways I sort delicates from denim and certain ways I fold t-shirts, socks and towels. Don’t question my madness and please don’t accuse me of proliferating a 1950s housewife stereotype because I’ve already done all of this myself. But this is what works for our family. And so it is.

So, you can imagine the offense that I took when my husband, who has maybe used the washing machine once in our marriage—and, in spite of holding a degree in technology, still seems wholly unable to figure out how it works—suggested that I was doing the laundry wrong. That’s when my head just about exploded. But I humored him and let him earnestly teach me the “roll technique,” while fully planning to go about folding the clothes my own damn way as soon as he’d left the room.

But then, something unexpected happened: I started working at perfecting “the roll” and I figured it out. I began to see the value in it. I found that I was easily able to fit more shirts in our drawers and was able to find just the shirt that I needed without upending the whole drawer in the process. Rather quickly and unexpectedly, Kondo’s method of rolling t-shirts turned our drawers into organized, easily navigable laundry holders. Maybe Kondo—and my husband—were onto something here… grumble, grumble.

As the weeks passed, the verve with which my husband initially embraced the “KonMari” lifest‌yle began to wane. While he has steadily kept up the momentum of many of the ideas and organizational tips that the author explains in her book, he has let go of some of the more rigid habits (for instance, he’s finally stopped uttering the words, “Does that bring you joy?” and I’m forever grateful because that was annoying as all hell).

And I’ve actually continued to implement the roll method of laundry folding. I think it’s safe to say that I am not only a believer now, but also a proponent of the whole idea (but don’t tell my husband this).  Another good thing to come from this journey is that now my husband often helps me fold laundry, so that’s an improvement in our previous division of the laundry labor.

All in all, I like the ideas that Kondo presents in her book. Nothing that she writes is particularly earth-shattering, but she does offer a fresh perspective on organization. What challenged me most was my husband reading one book on organization and thereby declaring himself the resident expert on de-cluttering and laundry. Ultimately, though, the KonMari method effected change in our home and I think that my husband has a new appreciation for what I do on a daily basis to keep our home functioning. Also, I’ve learned to be more judicious with my self-help book suggestions from now on. Be careful for you wish for…

Originally published May 2017.

RELATED LINKS
My House Is a Disaster & I Couldn’t Love It More
How to Clear the Clutter from Your Kids’ Rooms for Good
Dear Husband: I Need More Help from You

I'm Jenny, a married, sober mother to two kids and a whole gaggle of pets. I've lived in Texas my whole life and am the by-product of two dyed-in-the-wool Southern families. As a result, I can write a phenomenal, heart-felt thank you note and never wear white shoes after Labor Day.

It happened just today. I woke up fine. It was a beautiful day and I was ready to conquer it!

Breakfast. Check. Water flowers. Check. Get out deck furniture. Check. Laundry washed. Check. Check. Check. Make lunch. Check. Shower and get ready. Check. Read a self-help book. Check. And then the paralysis snuck in.

Somewhere between being exhausted and overwhelmed with all I “should” be doing was me—pinned between the two emotions so suddenly I couldn’t move. I was angry. Frustrated. And as time passed, the shame settled in.

The kids were watching a movie on a beautiful summer day. Bad Mom.

I have a million things that need to be organized and cleaned. Lazy.

I could be reading or writing or learning something. Weak. Apply something you’ve learned! I kept shouting in my head. But I wasn’t sure what I had learned. Have I learned anything to help me deal with this? What is this? Anxiety? The depression? Did I let the bad thoughts in? I was supposed to control those. Should I call someone? How could I bother anyone? Who would I call? Everyone is working. Everyone is busy. And I’m not. I’m lying here—pinned.

I’m doing nothing. Lazy. Weak. Bad. And here I am. Beginning. All. Over. Again. I was reminded of how fragile I am. It was OK to be fragile a couple of months ago when I finally started seeing a therapist after episodes that included suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I was fighting for my life then; I was fighting for my family. I had to be gentle with myself. Forgiving.

It was OK that I didn’t cook dinner, that I did nothing but breathe all day long. It was OK to take a nap and let the kids watch too much TV. It was OK that we ate Hot Pockets too often and spent money we didn’t have on fast food. It was OK that the house was a constant mess. It was OK.

But somehow since then, as I slowly started to clean more, slowly began to make meals instead of heating them up, slowly started to do a little more than just breathe, I fell back into being a perfectionist. I began expecting more of myself. I began thinking I was OK because I was doing more.

But Brene Brown emphasizes that perfectionism isn’t the same thing as striving for excellence. “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame,” she says. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.”

I can’t even express how well this describes me! I don’t want to be weak, lazy or bad, not to mention all the other unkind shaming thoughts that race through my mind. So I use the little strength I have left to lift that giant shield up to cover the fragile me. The shield of having a perfectly clean house. The shield of making breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day. The shield of having the laundry done and put away. The shield of devouring self-help books that give an illusion of healing. The shield of being organized. On and on. The shield is heavy. No wonder I become exhausted so quickly.

No wonder I am pinned down and frustrated with my own weakness and fragility.

I can’t hold it up for long anymore. And trying to has made me weaker and weaker. You see, I have been on this journey of growth for over a year now. I started writing almost every day and I read books by the best on becoming whole, better, happier. I became more organized with Marie Kondo and started a bullet journal to track and remember everything. I set goals and accomplished them. I spent time serving, being with family and with friends.

My journey and the understanding I gained are documented through these beautiful books and methods and habits, but I was missing something vital. I had unknowingly used all the wonderful things I had learned and added them to my shield. And oh, how it grew.

My shield was big, shiny, and clean. Witty and nice. It was helpful and willing. It showed up for everything, said yes, agreed, allowed. Performed. Damn. It was like Captain Freaking America’s shield. And oh how well I carried that shield. But under it was me. Just me. Amy. And Amy, although master at yielding fancy shields, was deeply tired. She was small.

The shield did its job well. She wasn’t seen; she wasn’t heard. People admired that shield. They enjoyed it. They loved it. So she believed she needed it, that they wouldn’t love and admire her without it. She had put so much work into creating it, but one day she was so exhausted that it came down. And frightened, fragile Amy couldn’t lift it back up.

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. And the shame and the pain swarmed. And there I was, beginning, again. And today, as I set that pretty shield back down on the ground, I am beginning, again. It is time for me—not my shield—to grow.

*If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away by calling your mental health specialist or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

Originally published June 2020. This post originally appeared on My Peace Project.

RELATED LINKS
I Know Why You’re Exhausted
I Gave Everything I Had to My Kids—and It Was Too Much
Why I Stopped Overcompensating for My Kids’ Absent Dad

Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

My husband ordered me a few books for mothers about parenting when I was in a funk, and all I could do after skimming each of them was chuck them across the room. “Your tribe,” “mommy circle,” “trusted group of friends.” The foundational element of sanity in each book was the same: find other moms you can connect with and share and support one another.

But what if you don’t have mom friends?

Each book explains how and where to find these friends—join a club, class, community events, post on mom meet-up forums—and even realistically explains that it takes time and trial-and-error to find the right people to form genuine connections with.

Right.

Well, not everyone has that. I currently live in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language, and there aren’t any ex-pats in the area with young children. There are no playgroups, clubs or meet-ups, and the majority of the locals send their babies to daycare at a very young age. It wasn’t until my oldest was school-aged, and I enrolled her in an international school, that I saw a bunch of kids under the age of 5.

For four years, I was flying back and forth between countries and changing cities, so making real friends was not going to happen very quickly. Also, as a first-time mom, and now with two kids, my life was 24/7 babies, so there was no time or way to cultivate a social circle with nap schedules, breastfeeding and no family or outside support. I was so overwhelmed with taking care of my children’s needs, maintaining a relationship with my husband and connecting with my parents over the phone, yet I found myself so lonely.

And ya know, that’s a very boo-hoo-sounding first-world problem. I fully recognize the women out there who are too busy and too stressed working 2-3 jobs, living far from or without family. All the fear and stress that consumes their minds to provide the basics probably helps mask the emotional emptiness that having no one to call a friend does to a woman. Solo, overworked moms, I am absolutely in awe of you. I see you.

To be fair, I am a private, unsocial person by nature. I like people, I do, and I am really good at introducing myself and making people feel welcome, but after that, you’ll probably never hear from me again. I hate the follow-up, making a plan, committing to a date. I just can’t do sustained small talk until that acquaintance/friend barrier is broken. I have no childhood friends, school friends, university friends or old co-worker friends I stay in contact with. I am just a loner by nature, I guess.

But motherhood brings out a deep primal need for community, for connection. Not only to have someone to watch a kid for two seconds, or to help do mundane things with like errands, chores, cooking and having play dates, but to have someone who completely knows what it is like—an unspoken understanding so that all the gross, private, personal, awful, wonderful things can be shared with no disclaimers, context or explanations. Maybe I just romanticize what having these sorts of friends must be like, but reading and viewing the volumes of content on the miracles of mom friends, it sounds just magical.

Being a lifelong loner prepared me somewhat, but there was a rough two-year period I thought I would lose my mind from the need for kinship.

So, lonely mama, I know how it feels. I know that deep longing and yearning, all while being completely unwilling or unable to put oneself out there to try to get what it is you feel you’re missing. You can get through it, though, you can. It hurts, and it’s taxing, but it’s possible.

Honestly, I found a lot of comfort imagining the pioneer women who settled far out and away from much else. That sounds very random, but it was a solid example of women who ventured out to nowhere and had to make do with what and who they had. Many managed to raise families on their own, husband aside. If that was possible, what I feel is not unique or impossible to get through now. There are countless examples throughout time and place of lonely mothers who survived, all without self-help books or mommy groups. Maybe some resonate with you.

And in a way, after so long, I kind of like my super tight-knit family unit. It’s manageable. It’s compact. There isn’t any social drama to worry over or handle. I can count my people on the one hand, which is peace-inducing, at least for me. I feel a sense of pride that I am doing this mothering business on my own. Sure, I want some mom friends, but I am strong enough and seasoned enough to know I don’t need them.

I wish I could give an easy self-help-style solution. Yet after chucking so many of those kinds of books against the wall, lamenting that every solution could not be my solution, I know that isn’t always possible. Reading the words of those who feel the same is the most reassuring way to handle some sanity on the hard days. I don’t feel like I need to find you because I know you will find me. So when you type into google looking for solutions for ‘I’m so lonely and ‘I don’t have any mom friends,’ I hope you may unexpectedly land here.

I know you’re lonely, mama, and I am telling you that you can do it, from one loner to the next.

I am an expat, wife, mother, writer, and teacher (in training). Currently living in South Korea, I am married to a Greek, and raising my intercultural girls. Despite being a steadfast introvert, I enjoy writing and sharing my perspectives on motherhood, history and teaching, and life in general.