ML Interest Tag: sleep-deprivation

16 Ways to Stay Awake When You’re Exhausted

by Kate Loweth

Are you feeling like the days are dragging and you can barely get through the morning rush without multiple cups of coffee? We get it. Luckily, there are tons of additional ways to stay awake, from simple mindfulness techniques to foods that will get you ready for the day ahead. Scroll through and get that energy up!

1. Head Outside

If the sun is shining in your neck of the woods, Vitamin D is a natural energy boost. All you have to do is play with the kids outside, walk the dog, or roll back the sunroof. As always, if you plan on being outside for an extended period, be sure to put on a fresh coat of SPF. Foods like fish, egg yolks, fortified milk, and cereals are also delicious D sources.

2. Drink (Lots of) Water

Water helps make the world—and our bodies—go round. And fatigue is a sure sign that we aren’t getting enough of it. Keep reusable bottles in your bag, at your desk, and in the car. You’ll get in the habit of hydrating throughout the day for sustained energy levels and all sorts of other body benefits (radiant skin sound good to anyone?).

3. Meditate for a Pick-Me-Up

Parenthood can feel like an endless circuit of activities, homework, appointments, and the daily surprises that keep us on our toes. Sometimes all the caffeine we drink to keep up backfires, leaving us wired and unable to focus. Step off the hamster wheel and cue up a mom-friendly meditation app rather than another cup of joe. Just 5-, 10-, or 15-minute increments of measured breathing and meditation will leave you relaxed and refreshed.

4. Diffuse Essential Oils

Essential oils have taken the wellness world by storm—and with good reason. Naturally free of chemicals, they can help with stress, mood, and yes, energy. Oil aficionados recommend peppermint and grapefruit to boost energy and nutmeg for focus.

5. Reduce Sugar

High-sugar food can cause your blood sugar to spike, which can feel good for a short time. But it’s the after-effects that leave you in a slump. Instead of heading for that piece of chocolate, try one of these low-sugar snacks to keep a more even blood sugar level throughout the day.

6. Play That Funky Music

Think of your favorite song. If it’s got a beat, you may already be tapping your foot. Music is a mood elevator, so put on tunes while you cook dinner, pause the podcasts and pump up the jams in the car for the commute, or take a spin around the living room with the kids.

7. Step Away From Screens

Be it our phones, tablets, or work computers, turning on those blue lights at night can keep us up past our bedtimes, leading to even more sleep deprivation. Ana Homayoun, author of Social Media Wellness: Helping Tweens and Teens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World, offers great advice specifically for moms: “Be intentional about screen use. Many times we use our smartphones and screens from morning to night (and late into the night, especially for new moms on a feeding schedule). The incremental creep of usage can actually leave us far more exhausted than we realize. Shutting down social media access and phone access for certain hours in the day can create time and space for re-energizing.”

8. Fuel Up to Fight Fatigue

When you reach for that next cup of green tea, did you know a bowl of protein-rich edamame can also pack a pick-me-up punch? Nutrition expert Joy Bauer, the author of From Junk Food To Joy Food, includes it in her list of energy-boosting foods. So sprinkle them on a lunch salad, add them to one of your favorite (and easy) pasta recipes, or save them for an afternoon energy snack. For something sweet, watermelon is in season from May to September and is a great source of B6 and citrulline, an amino acid that aids in cell division and benefits heart and immune system function.

9. Exercise

Okay, you knew this was coming. As hard as it can be to muster up the will to work out, the endorphin boost from exercising makes the muster well worth it. If you need an inspiring reset, try something new like a Hip Hop dance class. There are loads of indoor exercise programs you can do with little to no equipment.

10. Delegate a To-Do or Two

We run ourselves ragged doing it all—parenting, working, shuttling, and keeping the meals coming. While we can’t outsource the big or fulfilling responsibilities, how about daring to say “no” to the over-the-top birthday party next time around? Give yourself permission to pass on that extra something that’s overwhelming the week. Better yet, farm out your chores to your family and teach the kids some life skills!

11. Be Social

Isolation can lead to fatigue and depression, so it’s important to engage with friends and family when your busy schedule allows. Plan a mom’s night out, have another couple over for a takeout dinner, or plan a park date with another family. You’ll be laughing in no time!

12. Turn in Early

We all love the idea of crawling into bed “early,” but who else ends up binge-watching one or two hours of the show that’s been stockpiling because the kids are finally asleep? We may want to take a tip from the kids instead. While 7 p.m. zzz’s aren’t realistic—parents need some evening solitude to decompress or finally get things done uninterrupted—try really turning in an hour (or two) early one night a week. Before bed, reach for a book instead and notice how many pages you get through before those eyelids get heavy. For a tired mom, we’ll put money on about … five!

13. Sneak a Snack

Whip up a tasty snack that packs a punch of energy in every bite.

14. Self-Care is for Everyone

Make standing appointments for your manicures and get those haircuts in the calendar! You deserve a little self-care, something that probably tends to fall to the bottom of your priority list. There are lots of ways to give yourself some much-needed self-care without even leaving the house. Try out one of these beauty hacks on your next night off the clock.

15. Don’t Skip Breakfast

Yes, we’ve all heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But how many of us skip it on those busy mornings? Try out one of these make-ahead breakfasts to get you going for the day with a healthy start.

16. Just Keep Truckin’

We know how awesome you are—and that no matter how sluggish you may feel, you’re doing your best to show up and be great for your kids, your job, and your partner. You’ll catch a break soon, even if it’s just to read that book you’ve had on your nightstand for ages. Before too long the kids will be grown and you’ll have all the time to sleep in on a weekend again. And you may just find yourself missing these hectic, joyful days when you’re sleep-deprived and the kids are still young.

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Month-by-Month Sleep Tips for the First Wild Year

by Eva Ingvarson Cerise

You know why there’s nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby? Because it takes so much work to make sleep happen. Healthy, consistent sleep habits are key for getting your baby in a good groove for snoozing. To do it, set up a calming bedtime routine, buy a white noise machine to drown out distractions, and read what these two prominent sleep experts have to say in this baby sleep guide for year one.

Dr. Harvey Karp is a pediatrician, child development expert, co-founder of smart-tech and parenting solutions company Happiest Baby, which created the SNOO Smart Sleeper Bassinet, and author of The Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep. Renee Wasserman, P.T., M.P.H, is an infant & child sleep consultant and child behavior consultant, as well as the founder of the consulting practice SleepyHead Solutions, where she helps parents overcome sleep challenges with their babies and toddlers. Read on for their advice and our guide to baby sleep in the first year, from awake windows and naps to sleep regressions and the sleep tools that really work.

a baby sleeps on a mother's shoulder while she checks her phone
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The good news: There are things we can do to help our babies sleep well. “Learning to sleep on your own is a skill just like learning to crawl or walk, and it takes lots of practice, consistency, and patience,” says Wasserman. “With the right plan looking at the sleep environment, routine, timing of feedings, schedule and approach to teach the skill of independent sleep, healthy sleep is achievable by all.”

Babies can differ when it comes to sleep patterns, but these guidelines will give you an idea of what to expect from naps and wake times, and how to create a healthy sleep routine for your baby. If you’re concerned about your baby’s sleep patterns, talk to your pediatrician.

Newborn Sleep Tips: Birth to 2 months

Total sleep a day:14-18 hours
Awake window between naps: 30 minutes to 1.5 hours
Naps: 45 minutes to 3 hours, several naps a day
Sleep help: swaddling, white noise, motion (smart bassinet, rocking, bouncing on a yoga ball), Dr. Karp’s the 5 S’s, described below

Newborns are usually up every 2-3 hours, even at night, which gradually extends to 3- to 5-hour stretches of nighttime sleep. To help newborns learn the difference between day and night, keep lights brighter by day, take sunny morning walks, and play upbeat music. In the evening, dim the lights and plan calmer activities, like baths, and stick to soft music and lullabies, as well as white noise.

Between birth and four months, Dr. Karp recommends the soothing technique he developed called the 5 S’s to turn on baby’s calming reflex and promote sleep. The 5 S’s are:
⚬ Swaddling—it decreases startling and re-creates the womb’s coziness.
⚬ Side/stomach position—you’ll calm a crying baby more quickly in these two positions, but, for safety, babies must be put on their back for sleep.
⚬ Shushing—making shushing noises with your mouth will soothe a fussy baby, and white noise re-creates the shushing sound that blood flow makes in the womb.
⚬ Swinging—to calm a crying child, support baby’s head and neck, and use fast, tiny swinging motions no more than one inch to each side (do this safely, no shaking).
⚬ Sucking—Whether they’re using a pacifier, their thumb, or your pinky finger, sucking soothes babies into sleep.

Related: 8 Dos and Don’ts of Baby Sleep

a baby girl on a sleep schedule sleeping in her crib for a baby sleep guide
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2-4 months

Total sleep a day: 13-14 hours
Awake window between naps: 1.5 to 2.5 hours
Naps: 30 minutes to 2 hours, 2-3 naps a day
Sleep help: white noise, blackout shades, Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s, introducing a sleep and feeding schedule, teaching your baby to self-soothe

Introduce a consistent daily schedule of feedings and sleep times. Picking up on your baby’s sleep cues (yawning or rubbing their eyes) will help you establish the schedule. And blackout shades can help babies sleep when the sun is shining. This is also a good time to introduce a sleep routine to signal to your child that it’s time for rest. Before naps, you can sing, read a book, and cuddle. The bedtime routine should be longer and can incorporate a bath, lullaby, baby massage, nursing or a bottle, soft music, white noise, and books.

A key part of creating good sleep habits is teaching babies to fall asleep independently, rather than always rocking, feeding or holding them until they fall asleep. It’s normal for children, and adults, to wake up between sleep cycles. So when babies wake, we make it easier for them to fall back asleep by putting babies to bed drowsy but awake.

“If they fall asleep while taking a bottle and then wake during the night and the bottle is gone, it often results in them crying for the bottle,” says Wasserman. “If they fall asleep on their own after being put in the crib drowsy but awake, when they wake during the night, they will be in the exact same position they were in when they fell asleep, making it easier for them to get right back to sleep.”

In fact, Dr. Karp recommends that if your baby falls asleep before being placed in their bed, wake them slightly after you lay them down, by changing their diaper, putting your cool hand on their head, or giving them a little tickle. Baby will open their eyes, moan, or move your hand before falling back to sleep.

“I know it sounds crazy to wake a sleeping baby,” says Dr. Karp. “But it helps infants learn how to self-soothe, which they can use in the middle of the night to put themselves back into slumber all on their own.”

At this age, babies are typically sleeping for 5- to 6-hour stretches, but watch out for that four-month sleep regression. Regressions usually last 2-4 weeks and typically coincide with exciting developmental and physical changes. According to Wasserman, the four-month regression generally happens as baby’s internal sleep rhythms start to settle. This can require changing your schedule so naps and nighttime sleep are better in sync with your child’s natural sleep rhythms.

a baby in a purple onesie is sleeping in a crib
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4-8 months

Total sleep a day: 12-14 hours
Awake window between naps: 2-3 hours
Naps: 30 minutes to 2 hours, 2-3 naps
Sleep help: White noise, consistent naps, and a sleep schedule allowing your baby to self-soothe

Sleep stretches of 6-8 hours are possible at this age. But babies typically start teething around this time, so wake-ups can be due to discomfort. Try chilled teethers and give extra cuddles to soothe your little one back to sleep.

When your baby cries out from the crib, wait a moment before rushing to comfort them. Yes, it will feel like the longest seconds of your life. But here’s why it’s important: Your baby may be able to self-soothe to get back to sleep, thanks to all the work you’ve been doing to put them down drowsy but awake.

If you suspect hunger is waking your baby at night, make sure they’re feeding well before bedtime to fill them up. You can also introduce a dream feed, which means nursing or giving your half-asleep baby a bottle before you go to bed for the night.

At 8-9 months, prepare for another sleep regression. According to Wasserman, this regression is usually tied to babies dropping their third nap. She recommends moving bedtime a little earlier to keep your little one from becoming overtired as they get used to being awake longer before bed.

Related: 23 Swaddles & Baby Sleep Sacks We Love

a baby sleeping on his stomach for a baby sleep guide
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9-12 months

Total sleep a day: 12-14 hours
Awake window between naps: 2.5-4 hours
Naps: 1-2 hours, 2-3 per day
Sleep help: White noise, consistent naps, and a sleep schedule allowing your baby to self-soothe

As babies approach the one-year mark, they may be sleeping up to 7-10 hours at a stretch, and it will feel as glorious for you as it sounds. But don’t get too comfortable because, with walking and other exciting baby milestones and developmental leaps on the horizon, sleep may get interrupted again.

Around 12 months, another sleep regression is likely. This one is usually linked to learning to walk and may result in your baby refusing to nap. Wasserman recommends not giving up on naps or switching to one nap just yet. Instead, hang tight and be consistent with two naps as your baby moves through this regression in a few weeks.

The happy ending to this wild year? Understanding your baby’s natural sleep rhythms, creating a soothing environment for rest, building an adaptable schedule of sleep and feedings, and teaching your baby to self-soothe and sleep independently have built a foundation of good sleep habits that will help your child (and you!) sleep well for years to come.

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Honest Confessions from a Former Attachment Parent

by Elizabeth Broadbent

My name is Eliza, and I was a devout follower of the attachment parenting style. I wore flowy pants, nursing tanks, and pendants that doubled as teething toys. My amber-necklaced children ate organic bean sticks while wrapped to my back, and I didn’t breastfeed in public—I whipped out my boob in defiance of the patriarchy. My children wore disposable diapers once in their lives and co-slept until age four. I thought C-sections and strollers were sadz.

This had nothing to do with “attachment parenting” and everything to do with my own identity crisis. I was an “attachment parent” who merged choices with a philosophy and fashion aesthetic.

Real talk: attachment parenting is a style of parenting that prioritizes a child’s need for connection. Its central tenets include breastfeeding on demand (if possible), babywearing (if possible), and co-sleeping (if it’s done safely). Those are hugely taxing, especially for the child’s mother, who sacrifices her body, sleep cycles, and spare time for her child. It might pay off in the long run, depending on who you ask. But it’s intense.

For a variety of reasons, it worked well for us. I was obnoxious but happy; my children are well-adjusted little people who know my husband and I will always be there for them. They tend toward more independence, not less. But for years, I was a feminist’s nightmare. Breastfeeding on demand, babywearing, and co-sleeping require constant physical contact with another human being. I left my children with only a few trusted people, and very seldomly, so my husband and I never went out alone.

If parenting is hard, attachment parenting can, by nature, make it harder—or easier. I honestly didn’t mind the constant cling. I rarely became “touched out” and I liked to cuddle. Bottles and formula sounded high maintenance—no freaking way was I waking up at 2 a.m. to mix one. In fact, no freaking way was I waking up at 2 a.m. I stirred, latched on a baby, and fell asleep again (we followed these safe co-sleeping guidelines). Those baby carrier-car seat things looked like a chiropractic nightmare, and I loved wearing my kids. We took them everywhere, from nice restaurants to art museums. Other than that endless contact, it gave us far more freedom: no car seat to lug, no formula to mess with, and intermittent rather than constant sleep deprivation.

However, attachment parenting can be draining, primarily for the mother. By virtue of these parenting choices, her emotional priority becomes the child, not herself or her spouse. (Friends have lamented to me that they didn’t poop alone for years.) This can alienate partners, friends, and family members. Spouses might resent the neverending physical and emotional barrier a baby creates. Friends may find it difficult to relate to someone who spends most of their time wrapped up in an infant.

Other people can find these choices difficult, too. There’s tremendous social pressure to parent like everyone else. People harass you for breastfeeding in public. Strangers try to help you wrap your baby on your back, or inform you that babywearing’s dangerous. Talk about co-sleeping brings up horror stories; people assume you’re irresponsible. You’re often arguing from the very beginning. Postpartum nurses try to take your child for an exam. You’re given formula samples. You’re banned from co-sleeping until discharge—not only is it hospital policy, but the bed makes it dangerous.

When you’re constantly defending your choices, you begin to resent it, and the truth is, society isn’t supportive of attachment parenting. This can lead to an us-against-the-world mindset, which isn’t conducive to parenting in any form. It often creates an echo chamber of like-minded friends, too. When our children were babies, I rarely hung out with one of my dear friends, though our sons were only a month apart. We parented differently, and it was hard for both of us to see past that.

Attachment parenting was just intuitive for us. My husband and I always seem to feel far less stressed than our friends and relatives who used traditional parenting techniques. Our children certainly cried less—easier on the ears, but perhaps more about boob proximity than happiness. And while many skeptics insist that children whose needs are “catered to” will become dependent, we’ve found the opposite. My sons are independent little risk-takers, disciplined and considerate. I think much of that comes from baby- and toddlerhoods in which their needs were met (not catered to, thanks) and their desire for connection satisfied.

But just because it worked for me does not mean it will work for you. My husband and I loved it; you might rather chew glass than keep a child attached to you 24/7. I certainly fell into the attachment-parent-as-identity trap, and many would view my postpartum life as an oppressive hellscape. It didn’t seem that way. I made choices that felt right to me.

That’s why you practice attachment parenting, in the end: if it feels right and makes you happy, do it. If it seems like too much or makes you unhappy, stop. No matter what people tell you, never prioritize your child’s emotional health over your own, if only because an unhappy parent creates an unhappy child. My children have so far grown up happy and kind, and I think attachment parenting helped them get there.

But it’s not the only way there. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

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Everything You Should Know About Toddler Nightmares

by Caitlin Crawshaw

With the average toddler taking 2,400 steps per hour and forming 1 million neural connections per second, it’s no wonder they need a good night’s sleep! So when you hear your kid wailing in the night after having a toddler nightmare, it’s equal parts frustrating and heartbreaking.

While your munchkin may be a bit dozy the next day and you may be worried about why this is happening, nightmares in toddlers and young children are actually developmentally appropriate. “Nightmares every now and then in childhood are normal,” says Dr. Binal Kancherla, a pediatric sleep specialist and medical director of the Children’s Sleep Center at Texas Children’s Hospital. Here’s what we know about toddler nightmares and how parents should handle them when they happen.

Can toddlers have nightmares?

Yes. While nightmares are most common in children six years and older, they can begin around the age of two—though Kancherla says they can be tricky to identify in younger children with limited communication skills. Most kids outgrow regular nightmares by the age of 12.

Nightmare vs. night terror: How are they different?

Since toddlers may not be able to talk about their experience, you can figure out which it is based on a few key differences between nightmares and night terrors: when they occur in the night and how severe they are. Nightmares take place in the second half of the night, during REM sleep, which is the fourth and final stage of the sleep cycle and one of the lighter stages. Night terrors generally happen just a few hours after kids fall asleep while they’re in the third and deepest stage, called slow-wave sleep.

When your kid starts screaming in the night, if it’s a nightmare they’ll look to be comforted by you and may need some soothing to fall back asleep. They’ll remember the incident in the morning. With a night terror, it will seem like your kid is awake but they’ll be inconsolable and won’t respond to your presence. They’ll usually crash as soon as the episode is over and won’t remember it the next day.

What causes toddler nightmares?

Unlike night terrors, nightmares aren’t usually triggered by sleep deprivation, nor are they caused by specific foods or melatonin use, though fevers and certain medications can bring them on. As your little’s sleep cycle evolves, they spend more time in lighter “dream” sleep, which can open the door to nightmares. Most of the time, they are rooted in “normal age-appropriate fears and anxiety,” Kancherla says. This can mean more nightmares at times of stressful change, like when a new sibling joins the fold or if your toddler changes daycares.

But she cautions that nightmares can also signal a mental health issue, like an anxiety disorder or trauma, so if children are old enough to express what’s worrying them parents should speak with them about it. “It’s normal for kids to be scared of monsters or boogie men or something they saw on TV or that a friend told them about,” she says. “What’s not normal is being afraid that someone’s going to break into your house and shoot you.”

Are nightmares bad for kids?

Nightmares aren’t harmful in themselves—they’re often our way of working through and making sense of things that happened during the day. But if a toddler or child has regular or recurrent nightmares for more than three months, or if they persist into the teen years, it’s a good idea to consult your pediatrician as it could be a condition like nightmare disorder or anxiety disorder.

What do I do when my toddler has a nightmare?

Reassure them

When your little wakes up crying after a nightmare, offer them plenty of comfort and TLC and help them fall back asleep again in their own bed. Validate their feelings without focussing too much on the actual nightmare and gently remind them that the dream was not real, as young children struggle to discern real life from dreams and imagination. If they’re old enough, you can talk about the nightmare and further reassure them the next day.

Better bedtime

There’s no magical bedtime trick for preventing nightmares, but a peaceful and positive bedtime routine can help settle children who start to anticipate bad dreams, so ditch the screens before bed and lean into calming activities like having a relaxing bath and reading books. Likewise, good sleep habits can help kids feel their best during the daytime and better manage stress and anxiety (toddlers require around 11 to 14 hours of sleep per night, per the Sleep Foundation).

Help them feel less scared

When toddlers’ imaginations start to explode, things like monsters or the dark can be the source of anxiety, so you can offer a nightlight or a new stuffie to help reassure them. A study of kids affected by the 2006 Israel-Lebanon war found that giving a Huggy-Puppy doll to some of the children significantly reduced their stress reactions, including nightmares. If they mention anything in their room that frightens them, like a large stuffie or an object that casts a creepy shadow, move them to another room in the house.

Talk to your doctor

If your toddler’s nightmares are frequent or very focused on the same specific fear, or if they seem to be dealing with anxiety throughout the day in addition to nighttime dreams, it’s a good idea to discuss them with your pediatrician. If needed, treatments like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help kids with anxiety and sleep specialists can check for other sleep disorders.

Generally, nightmares are a typical part of childhood that usually resolve on their own, so offer all the comfort and know that this too shall pass.

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Everything You Need to Know About Night Terrors in Toddlers

by Caitlin Crawshaw

It’s the middle of the night, and you wake to your toddler screaming in her room. You find her sitting upright in bed with her eyes wide open, but she hits and kicks when you try to comfort her. After a few minutes, she falls back to sleep, and in the morning, she doesn’t remember that any of this happened. Night terrors in toddlers can be upsetting for parents to witness, says Dr. Binal Kancherla, pediatric sleep specialist and medical director of the Children’s Sleep Center at Texas Children’s Hospital. “It can seem as if they’re possessed because they’re still sleeping.”

Some children can be very active during a night terror, also known as a sleep terror. Sometimes they’ll even run away from well-meaning parents—sleepwalking goes hand-in-hand with night terrors—but they actually have no control over their behavior. “The key feature of night terrors is that they are still asleep when any of these behaviors occur,” Kancherla says. Here’s everything you need to know about night terrors in toddlers.

What are night terrors?

Night terrors in children happen during the deepest and most restorative phase of sleep, which is called stage three or slow-wave sleep (SWS). Since children experience most SWS in the first half of the night, they are likelier to have night terrors within a few hours of bedtime. There isn’t a ton of research on the prevalence of sleep terrors, but estimates range from 1% to 6.5% of children—though one study found that 40% of kids under 5 had experienced one.

During night terrors, children may:

  • Scream or yell
  • Cry uncontrollably
  • Thrash around, kick, and hit
  • Sit upright in bed
  • Get out of bed and run from their parents
  • Stare into space
  • Sweat or breathe heavily
  • Look frightened
  • Be unresponsive or resistant to comfort

Sleep terrors generally last for anywhere from a minute to upwards of 45 minutes, though an episode this long is rare and they most commonly last around 10 minutes. During this time, you won’t be able to wake your kid even though you’ll desperately want to help or comfort them.

Night terrors vs. nightmares: What’s the difference?

You can distinguish a night terror from a nightmare based on a few factors: whether they happen earlier or later in the night, their severity, and how frequently they occur. Nightmares take place during REM sleep, the fourth stage of the sleep cycle and the one that we reach in the second half of the night. Once a toddler wakes from a nightmare, they’ll likely call for their parents and seek comfort. Sometimes it takes them a little while to fall back asleep because they remember specific parts of their bad dreams. The next day, your child is also more likely to remember that they woke in the night.

Night terrors happen earlier in the night, just a few hours after bedtime, and a toddler having a sleep terror will be inconsolable and unresponsive to any attempts to help or comfort them. They appear awake but are totally unaware of what’s happening, and fall back asleep more suddenly once the episode ends. Kids who have had a night terror won’t remember any of it.

At what age do sleep terrors typically start and when do they go away?

If you’re experiencing night terrors with your toddler, you’re probably eager to know how long this frightening new phase will last. Night terrors can start as young as one year old and persist as late as 13 years of age, but most kids outgrow them by elementary school. A JAMA Pediatrics study found that the most common age for sleep terrors is 1.5 years old.

What causes night terrors in toddlers?

Night terrors are a normal part of child development, but there are a number of triggers that can make them more prevalent in some kids:

  • Sleep deprivation (the most common trigger)
  • Medications like antidepressants and Benadryl
  • Illness accompanied by fever
  • A family history of sleep terrors
  • Excessive caffeine (for older kids)

And if you rely on melatonin to help your kids get the Zzz’s they need, fear not— it hasn’t been proven to cause night terrors.

Is there any way to prevent night terrors in kids?

The best thing parents can do is to ensure that their toddler is getting enough sleep. Children between one and 5 years of age need 12-15 hours of sleep on average (while school-aged kids need about 12 hours). “The best way to treat night terrors is to extend sleep,” Kancherla says.

How to help a toddler having a sleep terror

Unfortunately, parents can’t stop night terrors, and trying to wake them can be distressing and may even increase the chances of another sleep terror. The best thing you can do is check on your child to make sure they’re safe, and if they’re particularly active, you can gently hold them to prevent them from injuring themselves (it’s probably a good idea to have a baby gate at the top of your stairs, too). Beyond that, you simply have to let the episode pass. Luckily, most stop within 10 minutes. If your toddler is shaken after, you can cuddle and reassure them until they fall back asleep.

Are night terrors bad for kids? When to see a doctor

Night terrors are not harmful to children of any age. However, parents should talk to their pediatrician or family physician if their child doesn’t outgrow them by age 9 or 10, if the night terrors occur several times a night, or if the frequency is increasing. In rare cases, night terrors can be a sign of a medical problem like nocturnal seizures, which mimic night terrors.

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School Start Times Are Causing Sleep Problems in Teens

by Dr. Shelby Harris

We all remember what it felt like to be a sleepy teenager—the alarm always seemed to go off too early, and it could take hours to shake off the sleepiness that lingered through the first few class periods of the day.

Though some parents might be quick to write their teens off as lazy, this sleepiness isn’t their fault. It actually can often stem from early school start times for many who struggle. While adults might be well-suited for earlier wake-up calls, teenagers’ circadian rhythms—the light-mediated internal cues that help regulate sleep—are wired in a way that leaves teenagers sleepy in the morning and more awake at night. This is perfectly normal; our circadian rhythm changes throughout our lives, and unfortunately, school schedules just aren’t planned around ensuring our teens get the sleep they need.

In fact, teenagers’ body clocks are best synced to bedtimes around 11 p.m. or midnight, with a wakeup time around nine hours later. With some schools starting classes as early as 7:30 in the morning, and students needing time to get ready and get to school, it’s no wonder teens are so sleepy.

From a sleep perspective, teenagers would benefit most from school start times that begin no earlier than 8:30 a.m. This shift would mitigate the dreadful side effects of sleep deprivation teenagers face and overall improve teenagers’ mental and physical health.

States that have tested later school start times have seen promising results. A 2020 JAMA study followed five school districts in Minnesota from 2016 to 2019. In 2016, all five schools followed a baseline start time of 7:30 a.m., but between 2017 and 2019, two schools pushed their start times back by 55 minutes or a full hour, while three continued operating with early start times. At the end of the study, the researchers found that the kids who started school later got an average of 43 more minutes of sleep per night than their early-bird counterparts.

Further evidence suggests it can lead to improved academic outcomes. Plus, another 2020 study found an association between later school start times and a decrease in teen driving accidents.

The concept might be catching on nationwide. Beginning in July 2022, California became the first to mandate that middle and high schools can start no earlier than 8 or 8:30 a.m., respectively, and New Jersey, Alaska, New York, and Tennessee have all considered following suit.

Related: Tips for Starting (& Keeping) a Successful Bedtime Routine

The idea is also gaining support among teachers, who see first-hand the repercussions lack of sleep can have on teens. “About half of my middle school kids can barely stay awake the first two periods of the day,” teacher Melissa Rowe told Sleepopolis in a June interview. “As for high school, I literally have students who fall asleep on the floor in my classroom.”

Of course, every middle and high school across the country isn’t going to be able to make this shift overnight. Luckily, there are some ways parents can help their teenagers get the best night’s sleep they can. If you think your teenager is sleep deprived, try these tips to get them back on track:

  • Encourage proper sleep hygiene as often as possible.
  • Set a regular bedtime and rise time, including on weekends to maintain a schedule.
  • Dim both room and electronic lighting to reduce exposure to bright lights before bed.
  • Encourage sleepiness.
  • Consider eliminating technology use after a certain time before bed, and remove it from the bedroom.

It’s important to remember that teenagers should never be forced to choose between sleep and something else. Teens often find themselves in the position of choosing between sleep, sports, and homework, and doing all three can seem impossible. Keep an open dialogue and help them balance the workload coming their way without sacrificing sleep. Think about where overscheduling is an issue and where you can cut back to allow enough time for sleep.

Sleep is vital to a teenager’s health and happiness. Early start times are a real obstacle to adequate rest for teenagers and their differently wired circadian rhythms, but there are roadblocks that parents, health care providers, school administrators, and educators could overcome if we all worked together. And for the sake of our teens’ health, it’s imperative that we give it a try.

Dr. Shelby Harris is the Director of Sleep Health at Sleepopolis. As a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in behavioral sleep medicine, she treats a wide variety of sleep disorders, including insomnia, nightmares, and narcolepsy, with a focus on non-pharmacological interventions. She is board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and the author of The Women’s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia: Get a Good Night’s Sleep Without Relying on Medication.

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In My Pumping Era: How I Was Able to Pump at Taylor Swift Without Missing a Song

by Jodi Cohen
Partner Content

I brought my Elvie Pump to the show of the year… and let’s just say, everyone performed beautifully

I’m a new mom. And up until recently, my “new mom” sea legs and desire to live in an absolute bubble stopped me from partaking in anything spontaneous that pre-motherhood me would eagerly explore.

That all changed when I was gifted tickets to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Yep, that tour you’re seeing across every social media feed you scroll. Julia Roberts, Emma Stone, Aaron Rogers… our girl Taylor is single-handedly uniting generations across the continent for a masterclass in performance, dedication, and work ethic. (Can you tell I’m a fan?)

Needless to say, for us Swifties, this tour is a “find tickets, will travel” type of event. So the fact that we live in Georgia while this particular show was in Tampa was just a minor detail.

There was no way I was going to let sleep deprivation and new motherhood count me out, so after a fast and forceful YES, my husband and I started to prep for our very first road trip with our seven-week-old baby. To Tampa for Taylor we go.

The day before we were set to leave I went on a walk with one of my new mom friends, ready to laugh with her about how much I had packed for our first three-day weekend away.

Every single item we use in a day was arranged, by category, on our kitchen table. I had written and re-written our checklist, outlined exactly how I wanted to pack up the car, and even mapped out where we could stop to feed and stretch along the drive. I’m currently breastfeeding and also bottle feeding, so I squeezed in extra pump sessions to prepare us with pre-portioned bottles of breastmilk to carry us through the weekend—and also cover for the time I’d be at the show. Cooler for the car, check.

We’re also learning our son’s preferences and wanted to be prepared for any scenario, like when he prefers to be upright after a bottle—Baby Bjorn Bouncer, check. Other times, he likes to nap on the couch next to us—Doc-a-Tot, check. Maybe my husband would want to take him on a walk—should we bring our stroller with both the bassinet and upright seat options? Feels like we need to! Check and check.

As it turned out, my friend was heading to the Nashville show just a few weeks later. Bonded by new-motherhood and now Taylor Swift, we laughed about our over-preparedness and placed our guesses for which secret songs Taylor might play. Then, she asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks.

Ok, but how the heck do you plan to pump at the show?

Wow, one major detail overlooked. I hadn’t listed it on any of my checklists.

As you know, this isn’t just a three-hour concert. This is a get to the stadium one-to-two hours early for merch, account for at least one hour of traffic no matter what time you leave, jam to one hour of openers, and get amped for a three-hour set kind of a concert. Fast math: that’s approximately seven hours (give or take your fandom).

At seven weeks postpartum, I hadn’t been out of the house for more than an hour at a time, let alone seven. What’s a girl gonna do? A nursing mom’s gotta pump!

Bringing in my very large, very loud hospital-grade breast pump was not an option.

Panicked, I sent an SOS to my mom friends, and in less than a minute, I received a response: I got you. Borrow my Elvie. Have fun.

Something I’ve learned about this incredible community of moms I have entered into is that they are fast and efficient. If you want a real review of something, text a mom. If you want honest feedback on whether something is worth your time or money, join a mom group, drop in the question, and marvel at the detailed, thoughtful, emphatic, and beyond-generous candor you’ll receive.

While everyone might choose their own path for how they do things as a mom, you can bet if a recommendation is sent your way, it’s been tested. Extreme pressure tested to be exact.

Dear Reader, I’ve Found Your Portable Pump

With less than 24 hours to go before my departure to Tampa, I picked up the Elvie Pump kit off my friend’s front porch. It was the perfect amount of time for an at-home test run.

My first impression was utter relief. It’s small, sleek, intuitive to assemble, and easy to clean—features that have become of the utmost importance to me.

Elvie Pump comes with two different-sized shields, which is invaluable as I’ve learned the hard way that pumping with the wrong-sized pump shields can cause real discomfort and damage.

               “Reporting live from Taylor Swift with my Elvie Pump on. Success!”

 

My friend-to-the-rescue had also purchased and shared two extra bottles, caps, and valves, which translated to two pumping sessions at the concert without me having to wash anything.

I charged the hub and sterilized the parts. She hadn’t used the pump in five months, so I was really impressed with how quickly the two hubs charged up. And when I say this thing is hands-free, I mean it. The pump auto-transitions from massage to expression modes at the right time for your flow. It even turns off once the liquid level has reached capacity—quite a different experience from my ball and chain at-home pump.

I tried the Elvie on under my Lover-inspired Eras outfit and sent an all-caps THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME, THIS THING IS AMAZING text to my friend.

As a final step, I reached out to the venue to make sure there wouldn’t be an issue with bringing a small canvas bag with the pump inside. I chuckled at the quick response: “We have received a good amount of these requests. Please check in with security upon your arrival to receive a ‘medical bag tag’ and there will be no issue.” Clearly, there are a lot of us Swifties in our “pumping era.”

The concert was everything I wanted it to be and more. The real gift of it all was that my new reality and pumping needs didn’t pull me away from any part of the experience. I cried, I smiled so much my face hurt, I hugged a stranger, and I got to be present during every. single. song. Really, I got the chance to feel like me again.

So, from one new mom to the next, if you’re searching for a reliable, portable pump option that really works and lets you live like you used to, I got you. Get yourself an Elvie Pump and go have fun.

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10 Things to Do in the Fourth Trimester (While You Still Can)

by Erin Heger

The first three months after your baby arrives can feel a little jarring as you adjust to life with your new addition. Newborns can be pretty demanding little creatures at times, and it’s normal to feel like all you do is feed your baby, change them, and put them to sleep. But even in the haze of sleep deprivation and the physical discomfort of healing after childbirth, this precious time, known as the fourth trimester, is also an opportunity to nurture yourself and bond with your little one.

1. Binge-watch your favorite television shows

Whether you plan to breastfeed or bottle feed, you’ll be spending a lot of time on the couch with your newborn, making the fourth trimester the perfect time to get to all those shows you haven’t had time to watch yet. It won’t be long before that little bundle of joy is demanding endless episodes of Paw Patrol and you’ll turn it on, even though you really want to watch the next episode of White Lotus.

Related: 25 Netflix Shows Every Parent Should Binge-Watch

2. Go out to dinner

Newborns sleep a lot—about 14 to 16 hours a day. Of course, it doesn’t feel like that when they wake you up every two to three hours at night to eat. But in those first few weeks, it’s normal for your baby to stay awake just long enough to fill their belly before falling back asleep. Your baby’s need for cuddles and plenty of shut-eye actually makes them a pretty great dinner date. You can hold them close in a corner booth and let someone else cook for you.

3. Meander through your favorite museum

No doubt about it, caring for a newborn is hard work but there are also a lot of pros to your baby being small, sleepy, and contained in a carrier or stroller. Load baby up and walk around your favorite art gallery or history museum before they’re off and running trying to touch everything. Not only is this a great way to stay connected to your hobbies and interests, but museums are also usually quiet so your baby can snooze while you walk around.

4. Travel

This may sound daunting but hear us out—traveling with a sleepy newborn can actually be a lot easier than traveling with a wiggly baby or busy toddler. If you’re considering a road trip, chances are your little one will snooze through much of it. And if you’re thinking about flying somewhere, your newborn is likely to be pretty content snuggled close to you in a carrier. Plus traveling with a young infant means you won’t have to worry about packing tons of snacks or finding ways to entertain a toddler during a long flight. So book that trip you’ve been eyeing, already.

Related: The Ultimate Guide to Flying with a Baby

5. Get an uninterrupted workout in

Whether it’s mommy and me yoga or a Fit4Mom class, getting in a workout is possible (and easier than it will ever be) during the fourth trimester. Baby is along for the ride while you get your sweat on. Plus, these classes give you an opportunity to connect with other parents, find community, and swap stories about eating, sleeping, and pooping, because parenthood.

Note: Remember to check with your health care provider before engaging in an exercise routine after giving birth.

6. Meet a friend for a drink or a meal

What once was easy isn’t so after you become a parent. That casual after-work meet up with a friend for cocktails (or mocktails) and a bite take more than a little planning when you factor in nap schedules, feeding schedules, and time for everyone to rest. But there’s still that sweet spot with your newborn when heading out to a local coffee shop or cafe to connect with friends is undeniably possible. Baby sleeps, you get caught up, and all is right with the world.

7. Read a book

Seems simple, doesn’t it? Just sitting down to read a book. But there will come a time where sitting still, even for five minutes, is a thing of the past. You’ll need to change a diaper, grab a sippy cup, rush out the door to an appointment the minute you have a break. So break out that book and get reading…even if you do fall asleep after five pages.

Related: 10 Books for New Moms Who Want to Feel Seen (& Not Judged)

8. Take a chance on a babysitter

We know. We know. Handing your new baby off to some stranger just doesn’t feel right. Even if you’ve interviewed them and checked references, this is still a tough one. (Leaving baby with a family member counts.) But the during the fourth trimester, babies don’t really care who’s holding them or rocking them or singing to them, just as long as it’s someone. So get out while you still can. Enjoy time with your parenting partner away from the house. And whatever you do, talk about something other than the baby—at least for 10 minutes.

9. Go on leisurely walks

The operative word here is “leisurely.” The fourth trimester is all about slowing down, giving your body time to heal, and getting to know your newborn. If you felt like you were always on the go before, let this be a time to take it slow and (quite literally) smell the flowers.

Newborns love to be close to you; wearing your little one in a carrier during a short walk around the block is usually very soothing for them. This is also a great way to encourage some skin-to-skin contact and take advantage of your baby’s littleness before you’re pushing them in a stroller or chasing them down the sidewalk (it happens sooner than you think).

Depending on the time of year your baby is born, a walk outside may not always be possible, but getting some fresh air and sunshine when you can is a great way to clear your mind and give your body some endorphins. Just be sure to check with your health care provider before engaging in exercise after giving birth.

10. Soak up the snuggles

It might not feel like it when you’re covered in spit-up and changing endless diapers, but this time really does fly by. Soon your baby will start making eye contact, smiling, and babbling away and your cuddle sessions will slowly get shorter and shorter. Soak it all up as much as you can. Take in their little features. It won’t be like this for long.

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You Can Still Raise a Family of Readers without Reading at Bedtime

by Jess deCourcy Hinds

I have a confession to make: bedtime reading barely happens in my house. After working at a stressful job, juggling side hustles to pay down debt, commuting for hours to pick up kids at distant schools, cooking, checking homework, checking in on elderly relatives, and attempting coherent conversations with my family, I’m just—done. We don’t read a lot on weeknights. But we’re a family of readers.

I’m a school librarian, owner of thousands of books, and a graduate-level instructor of children’s literature. All of my experiences tell me that there are countless ways to raise readers and no one-size-fits-all approach. I’m not a huge fan of required summer reading lists either since each child has radically differing learning and literacy needs.

Related: Ditching That Summer Reading List Is Actually a Fantastic Idea

When I only had one daughter and one job, we read for almost an hour every night. But now, with two kids and two jobs, I read the shortest books possible in less than 10 minutes. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown only contains 132 words—part of the reason it has consistently remained among the most popular children’s books for 75 years. When all of our family structures, economic circumstances, and schedules vary so widely, why do we feel pressed to read to our kids the same way? What if you work nights? Does that mean your kid doesn’t read with you? Nope! You read whenever and however you can.

My current nighttime routine with my 3-year-old includes songs, cuddles, nonsensical chats (“Are you a bear or a bee?”), and the grand finale, “the airplane” where I swoop her through the air and dump her, giggling, into the bed. My 10-year-old would still like me to read to her at night—and not honoring this request hurts. But so does sleep deprivation. So my older one gets read-alouds in binge sessions, usually when the sun is high in the sky. We’ve been chipping away at Little Women, the original, 800-page version for two years.

So much of the conventional wisdom about parenting derives from dated, sexist thinking. When I perused academic articles about bedtime reading, I kept seeing the words “mother” and “maternal” everywhere—as if reading, like cooking and housework, were exclusively feminine activities. People of all genders can read aloud, and at all times of day.

When I’m mechanically reading the Frozen II Little Golden Book for the 300th time, I yearn to be anywhere else, even at the DMV. If parents read a truly great book to their kids, like The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats or Each Kindness by Jacqueline Woodson, and have a total blast doing it—even just once a week—I believe it’s more meaningful than vitamin-swallowing nightly reading. Regular reading is important, of course, but nighttime isn’t best for everyone.

Digging deeper into the most recent research, I read a summary of Larissa K. Ferretti and Kristen L. Bubs’ 2017 study on bedtime. Drawing from data from 3,250 families, they sought to understand what kids need for healthy brain development, social-emotional skills, and school readiness. Their findings in Early Education and Development suggested that dependable bedtime routines are what matter. Bonding, stimulating activities, and sufficient wind-down for sleep—that’s the ideal. Reading can be part of this but so can other activities. A scientist mom friend of mine says she does Bedtime Math with her kids. After all, why do we only equate nighttime with literacy?

Let me leave you with some advice. Forge your own path through bedtime with confidence and tweak it when needed. Read, but do it your way. Here are some that have worked for us.

  • Read books on public transportation, or listen to audiobooks or podcasts like Story Pirates while driving. Talking about what you read (or hear) is so important.
  • Pack books for long waits in the pediatrician’s office.
  • Go on reading outings to new libraries, bookstores, and even parks with Little Free Libraries.
  • Read for ten minutes every morning for a coffee and Sippy cup date while snuggling in bed.

Who knows, maybe breakfast book-time will become the next big thing?

Jess deCourcy Hinds (jessdecourcyhinds.com) is a writer, librarian, and graduate-level children’s literature instructor. Sign up for her free quarterly newsletter, I’m an Open Book: On Love, Libraries and Life-building.

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I Quit Drinking and Now Date Night Looks Different

By Jenny Jurica

Before I quit drinking alcohol back in 2010, a typical date night for my husband and I meant dinner (plus drinks) and drinks. Oh, and then drinks after dinner. Then, if we still had anything left in us after the date, more drinks at home after the kids were in bed.

Especially after we had our first baby, when we got a rare date night, we didn’t want to waste our time doing anything but drinking our new-parent frustrations away and trying to find the “old” us that was hidden under layer upon layer of sleep deprivation and Elmo-induced brain atrophy. In fact, back in those days, a date night activity that didn’t involve alcohol felt like punishment. Why even bother?

Then, I quit drinking, and I remember feeling very lost when we got our first, long-overdue date night. What on earth were we supposed to do on a date night now if I couldn’t drink? I’d be lying if I said that I remember what we did on those first few sober date nights, but now that I’ve been doing sober date nights for a while, I feel like I have a better-stocked arsenal of date night ideas that don’t involve drinking.

So, in case you’re a teetotaler (like me), maybe you’re pregnant and miss being able to drink on date night or maybe you’re just looking for ways to have fun without the hooch every now and then, here are 8 date night ideas that don’t completely revolve around alcohol.

1: Go to the movies: Of course, there’s a new wave of movie theater “experience” that incorporates drinking into enjoying a movie. We have Alamo Drafthouse where we live and fancier versions in the larger cities nearby, but I enjoy a good movie on a date night. I think it’s a real treat to go and watch a movie that I choose, that doesn’t involve a Pixar character, nor an animated version of Justin Timberlake singing top-40 hits. Plus, I’m all about getting candy or another sweet treat that I don’t have to share.

2: Play mini-golf: Going to play mini-golf WITHOUT your kids might seem cruel, but nobody said that you have to tell your kids where you went on date night, right? I think that mini-golf is all kinds of fun. Do you want to know what makes it even more fun? When you can get fiercely competitive with your partner and play your heart out without having to give up a shot for your kid or wait as your 1st grader takes 52 shots on a par 4.

3: Costco run: Lame, right? But, imagine this: Costco After Dark. Way less crowded than your usual Saturday, at 11 am Costco run. Plus, you and your partner can carefully critique the differences between the latest and greatest televisions that Costco has to offer. You can wander around, gathering samples without having to bite your Kirkland-brand peanut butter cup into four equal portions so that your toddler and 4-year-old don’t lose their minds in the middle of the store. Better yet? Pick up the toilet paper and kitty litter that you’ve been putting off purchasing and have your spouse load it in the back of your minivan for you. Now, that’s what I call foreplay. Meeeeow!

4: Go to the museum: Many museums offer an after-hours happy hour every month or so. Yes, booze is usually the primary focus of these events but you can take the opportunity to see the museum without the large crowds who are typically there during normal business hours. A museum membership is sometimes required to attend these events, but museum memberships are awesome for families to take advantage of anyway. They always pay for themselves in just a couple of visits and they afford you the luxury of going to the museum on a rainy day to see the one thing that your kid cares about seeing and then leaving directly after. No need to try and get your money’s worth out of a single-day ticket.

5: Linger at a coffee shop: Since I quit drinking, coffee shops have become a favorite place of mine. I never cared to have coffee after the hours of about 10 am before, but now, an after-dinner coffee is a special treat (and sometimes necessary to stay awake past 9 pm). Coffee shops are also good places to go and have a nice, uninterrupted conversation with your spouse. I love to people watch there also. All good things.

6: Take in some community theater: Most communities—no matter how small or large—have community theater. Some of the productions are really, really good and some of them…aren’t. But, on date night, it doesn’t matter. You’re out of the house, sans kids. There’s often beer and wine available in the lobby of these productions, but it’s not pushed on you like it is in, say, comedy clubs. Go check out a production and remark on how talented (or not!) your neighbors are.

7: Church activities: Most churches have opportunities to be social with other couples every now and then (if not more often). I’ve heard great things about “small groups,” that give you the opportunity to meet other people from the church outside of services. Our church has classes and seminars as well that would be good to do on a date night.

8: Shopping: There’s something rather appealing about going shopping with your spouse without the kids in tow. To leisurely browse on your own time and look at what YOU want to look at, without having to divide your time with your spouse, watching the kids play in the indoor mall playscape while the other runs quickly into Sears to grab a refrigerator filter and a new shirt. Use date night shopping as an opportunity to pick out new dress clothes or new granny panties—whatever makes you feel good. Or, shop at a furniture store for your (perhaps fictitious) dream house. No purchase necessary.

I used to see date night as more of a “treat yo self” night—a night that I could escape my day job and drink to alleviate the stress of parenthood. Every time though, I’d end up feeling like a worse parent—especially when I was hungover the next morning and unable to properly perform even the simplest of parenting duties for my kids. Now that I’m sober, date night is truly a recharging night for me. I get to enjoy my husband’s company and then wake up refreshed the next morning, ready to do this crazy job called “parenting” to the best of my abilities.

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The Unapologetic Truth about Sober Parenting—from a Sober Mom

I'm Jenny, a married mother to two kids and a whole gaggle of pets. I quit drinking in 2010 when I realized that alcohol was calling too many of the shots in my life and turning me into a person that I wasn't proud of. I haven't looked back. 

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