Got a little comedian in your household? These Valentine’s Day jokes for kids are sure to crack a smile sweeter than any chocolate. Let the kids memorize a few to share with friends, or write them on a note for V-Day lunches. Either way, you’re sure to get a laugh, a hug, and probably at least one eye roll. If your kiddo needs more joke material to work with, try out our other jokes for kids. If you’re looking for other Valentine’s Day fun for kids, check out these DIY gifts they can make for friends or loved ones, and Valentine’s Day-themed food and treats they’ll love.

Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids
iStock

1. What do you call the world's smallest Valentine’s Day card?
A valen-teeny.

2. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
I’m stuck on you!

3. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!

4. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.

5. How did the phone propose to his GF?
He gave her a ring.

6. What did the one sheep say to the other?
I love ewe!

7. And how did the other sheep respond?
You’re not so baaaaaa-d yourself.

8. What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
Hogs and kisses.

cute kids with paper hearts smiling at Valentine's Day jokes for kids
iStock

9. And what did the tweenager give his mom? 
Ughs and kisses!

10. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?
I wuv you watts and watts!

11. What do you say to an octopus on Valentine’s Day?
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

12. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
Their ghoul-friend.

13. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?
Be my Valen-slime!

14. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Luke
Luke who?
Luke who got a Valentine!

15. Why is Valentine’s Day a good day for a party?
Because you can really party hearty!

16. What kind of flowers should you NOT give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauliflowers!

17. What do owls say to declare their love?
Owl be yours!

18. What did one bee say to the other? 
I love bee-ing with you, honey!

Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids
Obi Onyeador via Unsplash

19. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

20. Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?
They are very scent-imental creatures.

21. What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day?
The day after when all the candy is on sale.

22. What did the painter say to her sweetheart?
I love you with all my art.

23. What did Robin Hood say to his girlfriend?
Sherwood like to be your valentine.

24. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?
He stole her heart.

25. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

26. What shade of red is your heart?
Beat red! 

27. What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine's Day?
Don't ever change, you're purrrfect.

28. Why would you want to marry a goalie?
Because he (or she) is a real keeper!

Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids
iStock

29. What type of shape is most popular on Valentine's Day?
Acute triangle. 

30. Have you got a date for Valentine's Day?
Yeah, it's February 14th. 

31. What did Frankenstein's monster say to his bride on Valentine's Day?
Be my Valenstein! 

32. What flowers get the most kisses on Valentine's Day?
Tulips (two-lips). 

33. Who always has a date on Valentine's Day?
A calendar. 

34. Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Atlas!
Atlas who?
Atlas, it's Valentine's Day! 

35. What kind of candy is never on time?
Choco-LATE.

36. Why was the rabbit happy?
Because somebunny loved him!

—Joshua Y., age 9

37. Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.

—Joshua N. 

38. What do girl snakes write at the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.

 

Valentine's Day Jokes for Kids
iStock

39. What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel on Valentine's Day? 
I'm nuts about you!

40. What did the raspberry say to his valentine? 
I love you berry much. 

41. What's the most romantic utensil? 
A fork because it has Valen-tines. 

42. What Valentine's message was on the honeycomb?
Bee mine.

43. What did one oar say to another? 
"Can I interest you in a little row-mance?" 

44. What are artichokes known for? 
Their hearts. 

45. On Valentine's Day, what did the calculator say to the pencil? 
"You can count on me."

46. What kind of candy is always late on Valentine's Day? 

Choco-LATE

47. What does a Jedi Master say on Valentine's Day?

Yoda one for me.

48. What did the magnet say to the paperclip?

I find you very attractive. 

49. What did the scientist say to their sweetheart?

"You must be made out of oxygen and neon because you are the ONe"

Calling All Cocomelon Fans! Spotify has made a special announcement that will make parents uber happy: new original content is coming in the form of four new series that will keep your littles entertained.

Perhaps the most exciting is a brand new podcast, Cocomelon Story Time that launches on Mon. Jan. 24. The interactive storytelling experience for kids ages two to give is hosted by JJ and Cody and is packed with nursery rhymes, classic fairy tales and much more. You can already catch a sneak peak below!

Spotify is also dropping three additional ways to keep your Cocomelon fans excited:

  • Gardenkeeper Gus: A preschool podcast that follows 6-year-old Gus and his squirrel best friend Rel on their garden adventures. Debuts on Jan. 31
  • 100 Cinderellas: An anthology collection of global Cinderalla stories perfect for bedtime. Debuts on Feb. 14.
  • Deep Blue Sea: A series of episodes taking place on an underwater laboratory, Sea Lab Alpha, with a view of sea life. Debuts on Feb. 28

All of Spotify’s new shows are available to stream within the Family and Kids Hub and the Spotify Kids app, exclusive to Spotify Premium Family subscribers.

––Karly Wood

 

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No one will deny that growing up in Atlanta has its perks—and quirks. From a heat wave that won’t stop to being the birthplace of some of the world’s biggest brands, there are some things that Atlanta kids especially can giggle at. Keep reading for our favorite jokes that Atlien kids will really love.

Photo: White77 via Pixabay

Q: What did the icy road say to the car?
A: “Want to go for a spin?”

Q: What’s a snowman’s favorite drink?
A: Iced tea.

Q: What do toads drink on a hot summer days?
A: Ice cold Croak-o-cola, of course!

Q: Why was the squirrel late for work?
A: Traffic was NUTS.

Q: How many Houston Astros does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: Did you hear the joke about the peach?
A: It was pit-iful.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of Coke?
A: He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Q: What did the bee do when it was hot?
A: Took off his yellow jacket.

Photo: iStock

Q: Which dog breed chases anything that’s red?
A: A bull dog!

Q: What kind of music does a kangaroo listen to?
A: Hip-hop!

Q: What did the pig say on the really hot day?
A: I’m bacon.

Q: What do you say when your aquarium breaks and everything is gone?
A: I have no porpoise anymore.

Q: What do you call a Georgia Bulldog football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What do you say when your homework flies away?
A: It’s gone with the wind.

Q: The girl at the Delta Airlines check-in desk said “Window or Aisle?”
A: I replied “Window or you’ll what?”

Featured image by iStock.

—Shelley Massey

 

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The holidays are filled with traditions, joy and tons of hilarious moments when you have kids. Whether you’re already worn out from winter break or if you’re just trying to keep up with that dang Elf on the Shelf, there are plenty of Twitter parents sharing in the same Christmas magic. Keep reading to see some of our fave tweets about surviving the holidays with kids.

 

1. Have kids, they said.

2. Ohh, the stress eating.

3. When all the holiday things break the bank before Christmas morning. 

 

4. What a lovely 30 minutes it is.

5. #parentperks

6. It’ll be much easier.

7. Why, tho?

8. The big man is on speed dial.

9. Not it!

10. They’ll love the center-cut filet.

11. True story.

12. Dasher, Prancer, Rudolph!

13. Double-edged sword.

14. #elffail

15. Same.

16. What is it about squirrels? 

 

––Karly Wood

Feature image: Gratisography

 

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Camping sounds great until you spend hours packing, forget the tent pegs when you get to camp and you’re inevitably swarmed by mosquitos. Fortunately Great Wolf Lodge is offering a simpler way to get the camping experience this summer through their Summer CampIn Celebration. From crafts to a campfire ceremony, the lodge is bringing the great outdoors to you!

All 18 North American locations will be participating from May 27 through Sept. 6. Campers of all ages will be able to earn badges by participating in interactive games, fitness activities and arts and crafts projects. At the end of the day, you’ll be able to participate in campfire sing-alongs and enjoy s’mores by the lodges’ own “s’moreliers.” Keep an eye out for special character appearances from Wiley the Wolf, Oliver Raccoon, Sammy the Squirrel and others!

 

Great Wolf Lodge is proud to offer a fun, safe getaway for families looking to create lasting, heartwarming memories this summer and beyond,” said Kenny Funk, senior vice president of resort experiences for Great Wolf Resorts. “Our Summer CampIn celebration invites families to relive the time-honored tradition of summer camp with ease, allowing the opportunity to relax and spend quality time together enjoying all the fun summer events at our resort.”

Don’t forget the pool party, because Great Wolf Lodge is first and foremost an indoor waterpark. Along with this summer’s camping activities, you’ll be able to enjoy the usual waterslides, raft rides and water play areas for the whole family. You can find locations all over the country, from the original in Wisconsin to the newest coming to California. Grab your backpacks and swimsuits and book your stay now!

––Sarah Shebek

All photos: Great Wolf Lodge

 

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Disney Junior recently announced the debut of a brand-new animated adventure series—and it’s over-the-top egg-citing! The Chicken Squad will premiere on Fri., May 14 at 7:30 p.m. ET. The Disney Junior and DisneyNOW series premiere will feature two back-to-back episodes.

The series chronicles the comedic adventures of three chicken sibs: Coop, Sweetie and Little Boo. Based on the popular children’s books penned by Doreen Cronin, The Chicken Squad tells the tale of the young chips and their problem-solving adventures.

Teaming up with rescue dog mentor, Captain Tully, the chicken stars of the show help their animal pals and model good community helper behaviors. Each episode includes two 11-minute stories and includes the Chicken Charge anthem song.

Along with the anthem, the episodes also include at least one new original song. The songs range the musical gamut, including everything from R&B to country.

The cast includes Yvette Nicole Brown (Captain Tully), Ramone Hamilton (Coop), Gabriella Graves (Sweetie),and Maxwell Simkins (Little Boo). Recurring guest voice cast members include Tony Hale as Frazz, a nervous squirrel, Jane Lynch as Dr. Dirt, a forensic scientist snail, Melissa Rauch as Dinah, the chicks’ mother, Sean Giambrone as Riley, a pack rat, Malcolm-Jamal Warner as Lt. Scruffy, a retired firehouse dog and Melissa Villaseñor and Zack Pearlman as Wheeze and Snick, mischievous raccoon sibs.

Watch a preview of The Chicken Squad on Disney Junior’s YouTube channel here!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo courtesy of Disney Junior

 

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These animal facts for kids will help the whole family learn more about the wild side of things

Sharks don’t have bones. Sloths are great swimmers. Monkeys can go for several days without water! Yup, kids love learning and there’s nothing like a few fun and wacky facts to amuse them. From the three-toed sloth to the unicorn of the sea, we’ve gathered some fun facts about animals that kids will love.

10 Shark Facts for Kids

Patrick Perkins via Unsplash

1. Sharks have been around for over 400 million years. 

2. There are more than 470 species of sharks. 

3. Sharks do not actually hunt humans or consider humans food. Sharks incidents occur when sharks are hunting for seals, dolphins or other "human-sized" prey. It's a case of mistaken identity!  

4. The goblin shark is considered the ugliest shark in the world. 

5. The shape of a hammerhead shark's head actually improves their vision. 

6. There are nine species of hammerhead sharks around the world. 

7. The Great Hammerhead can weigh as much as 1000 lbs. and be as long as 20 feet 

8. Most sharks live around 25 years but some can live as long as 100. 

9. Sharks do not have bones. Their skeleton is made of cartilage. 

10. Some sharks can swim up 40 MPH.  

9 Big Facts About Elephants

Pexels

1. African elephants (Loxodonta africana) are the largest land mammal on earth.

2. Elephas maximus is the Latin name for the Asian Elephant. They are smaller than African Elephants.

3. Asian Elephants also have smaller, less-pronounced ears than those of African Elephants.

4. An elephant trunk has close to 40,000 muscles. 

5. Elephant tusks do not grow back. 

6. Elephants have a gestation period (the time when the fetus is growing in the mom) for 22 months—the longest of any mammal.

7. Elephants eat for about 16 hours every day! 

8. Elephants only eat plants, so they are herbivores. They eat grasses, bamboos, flowers, seeds, fruits, leaves and other plant matter. 

9. Baby elephants are able to stand within 20 minutes of being born.

14 Things to Know About Manatees

psyberartist via Flickr

1. There are three species of Manatee (Trichechus). They are the West African manatee (T. senegalensis), the Amazonian manatee (T. inunguis) and the West Indian manatee (T. manatus). The West Indian manatee is the species seen frequenting the Florida Coast.

2. The common nickname for the manatee is the sea cow.

3. Manatees are believed to account for at least some of the early-explorer’s mermaid sightings.

4. They can reach 13-feet long and weigh as much as 3,000 pounds.

5. But don’t be fooled by their size: they are gentle giants. They graze on water grasses, weeds and algae. They are the only aquatic herbivore.

6. In fact, an adult manatee can eat 1/10 of its weight in a day.

7. Manatees use their flippers to walk along the bottom of the body of water, feeling for food. When they find it, they scoop it up toward their mouths with their flipper.

8. Manatees are mammals, and they have one baby every two to five years. The babies are born underwater. Females are pregnant for about 1 year. The young nurse for 1-½-2 years.

9. Manatees live in the water but they need air to survive. They surface every few minutes when active and can stay under for as long as 20 minutes if still.

10. Babies need help getting up to the surface for their first breath. Shortly after birth they are able to swim on their own: usually within an hour.

11. Most mammals have seven neck vertebrae but the both the manatee and the sloth have just six. This means that manatees can’t turn their heads.

12. Besides the dugong, the manatee's closest living relative is the elephant.

13. Manatees can actually swim up to 20 MPH.

14. Manatees face a number of dangers in their native waters: boating accidents can harm or even kill manatees and things like plastics in the water can cause health problems. You can learn more about how to protect manatees even if you live thousands of miles away, by visiting Save the Manatee. 

10 Things to Know About Narwhals

iStock

1. Narwhals are basically whales that sport a spiraled horn, or tusk, that juts out of their head much like a unicorn horn. Some narwhals actually have two tusks.

2. The narwhal’s tusk is actually a long jutting tooth. It even has nerves.

3. The tusk can grow as long as 10 feet. A narwhal can be 17 feet in length (plus the tusk!).

4. Narwhals sometimes use their tusks to joust.

5. They live in the Arctic waters of Greenland, Norway, Canada and Russia.

6. Narwhals weigh as much as 4200 pounds.

7. They eat squid, shrimp, halibut and cod.

8. There are about 80,000 narwhals throughout the Arctic waters.

9. Historians actually think that the narwhals are what the unicorns myth is base on. During the Middle Ages, unicorn horns were so coveted that royalty would pay extraordinary prices for them, often the weight of the horn in gold. Hunters traveled to Northern Europe to try and capture the narwhals and bring back their horns (which they would tell the royals were from unicorns).

10. Narwhals are still hunted today for their tusks, and in addition face other environmental threats like pollution. You can help by adopting a narwhal (bonus: you get a plush narwhal as a keepsake!).

13 Fascinating Facts About Reindeer

Norman Tsui via Unsplash

1.Rangifer tarandus is the scientific name for the animal we most commonly call reindeer. They are in the same family as deer, and there are more than a dozen sub-species. 

2. In the wild, some reindeers travel more than 3000 miles in a single year.

3. In North America, reindeer are also known as caribou, although the current "taxonomic jury" is out on that all species of reindeer are caribou. Most people use the terms interchangeably.

4. Reindeer like it cold! They are native to Arctic and subarctic regions as well as tundra and boreal (read: snow, snow, snow!) to northern Europe, Siberia and North America.

5. The indigenous people of Finland, the Saami, have more than 400 words for the food, tools and other products taken from reindeer. Their word for reindeer, raingo, may be where the common name is derived.

6. Reindeer beards? In the winter time for reindeer grow their facial hair long enough to cover their mouths, which protects their muzzles when grazing in the snow.

7. Male reindeer have louder calls than females. Males use a small pouch under the skin of their throats which they inflate to blast out a loud bellow.

8. Reindeer grow new antlers every year.

9. For almost all kinds of reindeer, both male and female reindeer have antlers. Females shed their antlers when they give birth in the spring.

10. The Finnish Forest Reindeer, arguably the reindeer of Santa Claus fame, are the largest reindeer species. They are over 7 ½ feet long. 

11. Finnish Forest Reindeer hooves have a special scoop that helps them forage through the snow for lichen and moss.

12. In warmer months, reindeer feast on grasses, mushrooms and plants. In the winter they feast mainly on moss and lichen.Reindeer have a strong sense of smell, which helps them sniff out food underneath layers of snow.

13. In many cultures, Reindeer are used  pull sleds and sleigh. There's evidence of this dating back 7,000 years ago in Siberia!

17 Sloth Facts You Can Take Your Time Reading

Mathias Appel via Flickr

1. Sloths really are slow. So slow, in fact, that in the humidity of their native climate an algae actually grows on their fur. This gives them a greenish hue, which acts as camouflage.

2. Sloths, moths and algae have a beneficial relationship: The pyralid moth is a species of moth that lives in the sloth’s fleece. There is also an algae species that grows in the grooved hair of the sloth. Scientists believe that the moth transports nutrient-rich waste from the sloth’s poop to fertilize the algae. In other words, the moths are algae farmers on the sloth’s back. And guess what else? The algae is a key source of food for the sloth!

3. Sloths have 10 upper teeth and 8 lower teeth.

4. They can weigh between 8-17 pounds and grow to be between 21–29 inches in length.

5. Two-toed sloths can live up to 20 years in the wild and 30-40 years in captivity!

6. Sloths cannot shiver to stay warm, and so have difficulty maintaining their body temperature on rainy days.

7. Sloths see better at night than in the day and they have very poor hearing. They rely on their sense of smell to locate food and other sloths.

8. Sloths come down from their canopy about once a week to pee and poo unless there is a danger or predator. If that’s the case they do it from the trees!

9. They are good swimmers, especially the backstroke.

10. While they are very quiet in general, if scared they will hiss or moan.

11. Sloths eat leaves, twigs, berries, fruits and the occasional insect or small animal.

12. Females sloths are pregnant for six months.

13. Sloths usually mate and give birth while hanging in trees. Mothers will birth their babies either on the ground upside down in a hanging position. After it is born the infant grabs onto the mother’s fur and makes its way to her chest to nurse.

14. Sloth mother’s milk is higher in fat (6.9 %) and protein (61%) than cow's milk.

iStock

15. There are also four species of three-toed sloths including Bradypodidae pygmaeus, a pygmy species. The other three are B. torquatus, which has a mane; B. tridactylus also known as the pale-throated, three-toed sloth; and B. variegatus, the brown throated, three-toed sloth. They share many characteristics with their two-toed cousins, but a few things are different. 

16. Three-toed sloths are better swimmers than their two-toed relatives.

17. They change trees up to four times a day.

18. The are diurnal, meaning they are awake either day or night. Two-toed sloths are nocturnal.

Want to learn more about these amazing animals and how you can help protect their habitat? Visit the WWF's sloth page.

18 Marvelous Monkey Facts

Marianne Hale courtesy SF Zoo

1. The Black Howler Monkey (Alouatta caraya) are native to eastern Bolivia, northeastern Argentina, Paraguay and southern Brazil.

2. Black Howlers eat they eat leaves, fruit and vegetable matter.

3. They get their name because they have enlarged throats and extra large voice boxes which allows them to howls.

4. They also have a special bony pouch beneath their throat that acts as a resonator which helps project their howls at great distances, sometimes more than a kilometer! Click here to hear it.

5. Young howlers are cared for by several females who carry, groom and protect it. Males will also help out.

6. Black Howler Monkeys do not have opposable thumbs. 

7. The Squirrel Monkey (Saimiri sciureus) native to the lowland rainforest of Panama, Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay and Brazil.

8. Squirrel Monkeys eat a varied diet of insects, spiders, bird’s eggs and nestlings, fruits, nuts, blossoms and other forest edibles.

9. Squirrel monkeys have the largest groups of any other New World monkey, with as many as 100 monkeys in a given band.

10. They are not only smaller in size, but they make chirps and peeps for contact and alarms, earning them their likeness to the squirrel.

11. Squirrel Monkey births coincide with the time of greatest rainfall.

Marianne Hale courtesy SF Zoo

12. The Patas Monkey (Erythrocebus patas) are also known as Hussar monkeys, military monkeys and dancing red monkeys.

13. The Patas Monkey’s habitat is brush and grass savannas of Central Africa from Senegal to Ethiopia and south to Tanzania.

14. Patas Monkey diet consists mainly of grasses, shelled fruits seeds, berries, locusts and other insects, birds and lizards.

15. The Patas is large and slender, usually reddish gray, white or pale pink, with a long tail that is dark above and light underneath.

16. Adults have white mustache and whiskers and the males have mane-like hair.

17. They can go several days without drinking water.

18. Patas not only have opposable thumbs, they also have opposable big toes!

 

 

 

Superheroes come in many different forms. The next dynamic duo might be right before your eyes and you wouldn’t even know it. Today, Disney+ released the trailer and new images for the comedy-adventure Flora & Ulysses, premiering exclusively on Disney+  Fri., Feb. 19, 2021.

The film is based on the Newbery Award-winning book about 10-year-old Flora, an avid comic book fan and a self-avowed cynic, whose parents have recently separated. After rescuing a squirrel she names Ulysses, Flora is amazed to discover he possesses unique superhero powers, which take them on an adventure of humorous complications that ultimately change Flora’s life–and her outlook–forever.

Flora & Ulysses

Flora & Ulysses stars Matilda Lawler, Alyson Hannigan, Ben Schwartz, Anna Deavere Smith, Danny Pudi, Benjamin Evans Ainsworth, Janeane Garofolo and Kate McCucci. It was directed by Lena Khan and produced by Gil Netter. Based on the novel Flora & Ulysses: The Illuminated Adventures by Kate DiCamillo, the film’s screenplay is by Brad Copeland. Katterli Frauenfelder and James Powers served as executive producers.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Disney+

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Given the time of year, most people are taking some time to reflect on their lives and think about the things and people that they find themselves grateful for. Thinking about this myself, I have to think more intently on what gratitude really looks like to me, and whether or not I turly express it to the depth that I feel it. The answer in the majority of cases, is unfortunately no.

Raising children is difficult.

Then add special needs.

And a pandemic.

Sleepless nights.

Clinical, PTSD-level anxiety.

Communication struggles that turn into meltdowns.

Meltdowns that turn into aggression.

Just so much uncertainty.

But, with each of those struggles, comes something so beautiful—so many things to be grateful for.

Grateful for the excitement and pure joy a new skill brings.

Grateful for that moment when you hit a breakthrough, and communication gains shine through.

Grateful for a supportive husband that recognizes when a break is needed, even though he is tired from a full day of work himself.

Grateful for a helpful, loving, teenage sibling that knows she is her little brother’s person—and will do anything to see him smile.

Grateful for supportive parents that will FaceTime multiple times a week—to only be talked to for maybe two minutes of the half-hour they are on the call. ‘Cause just being connected and accessible to your son calms him, knowing he can see more of his people.’

Grateful for a tribe of friends that get your life, share in your struggles, acknowledge your successes, and champion each other. Love y’all—the ones that lift you up during the hard, no matter the time of day…or night.

Grateful for the team of therapists and teachers, the ones that go above and beyond, so far beyond their call of duty to provide the best format for your child to flourish, and gracefully work with him even when he’s struggling, just being stubborn or even when he’s acting like a maniac squirrel that fell in a barrel of Mountain Drew and drank his way out.

There are just so many things to be grateful for. Yes, this special needs journey has its share of hardships. If not for these struggles, the hard, or the difficult, the good, the gains, and the friendships would likely have never shone through so brightly.

I’m grateful for each and every one of you.

 

This post originally appeared on Hurricane Heffners.

Trista is a mother of two, Allayna and David. David was diagnosed with moderate ASD. She is married to her husband Drew and they live in Wisconsin where she works full-time from home. She enjoys spending time with her family, large amounts of coffee and sharing her family's journey.

Want to put a smile back your your kids’ faces? Get them laughing with a little word play. Nothing shifts a post-back-to-school bad mood like sharing some cheesy jokes. But we’re not talking about slinging just any joke, Your Portland kiddos will love learning some new Portland jokes. We’ve rounded up our favorites for you. Read on to find out more.

photo: victoria via pexels

1. What do you call two straight days of rain in Portland?

A weekend.

2. What do you call a week without rain in Portland?

Summer.

3. What did the Portland kids say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Nice tan!

4. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Oregon Zoo Predators of the Serengeti Exhibit?

Lion.

photo: Oregon Zoo via yelp

5. What did the Pacific Ocean say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waved.

6. What did the seashell at Long Beach say to the fish?

Call me on my shell phone.

7. Which Blazer player can jump higher than a house?

All of them—houses can’t jump at all.

8. What does a fish at Oregon Coast Aquarium say after sharing a new idea?

Let minnow what you think.

photo: Karen K. via Yelp

9. What does daylight-saving time mean in Portland?

An extra hour of rain.

10. What gear was the woman in when she wrecked her car? 

Nike of course!

11. Why is Santa thinking about moving to Portland?

Because of all the rain, dear.

12. Heard any good jokes about the Cascades?

Yes, they are hill areas.

13. Why can’t Mt. Hood and Mt. Bachelor play hide and seek?

Because they like to peak.

14. In what state does the Willamette River flow?

Liquid.

15. How do the zebras at the Oregon Zoo play baseball?

Three stripes and you’re out!

16. What do you call a witch who lives at Cannon Beach?

A sand-wich.

17. Why was the squirrel late for work?
Traffic was NUTS
—Annette Benedetti