Dear Toddler, I Love You, but You Need to Chill

By Jorrie Varney

May 31, 2022

Hello My Little Sweet Potato,

We need to talk. I know you’re going through some very important developmental milestones, but I have some concerns about your behavior that I feel we should address.

Last night, you whipped your diaper off with such force that a nugget of poo flew across the room and struck me in the chest. I’m not going to lie, that was upsetting, and I’m still not exactly sure how it even happened. I understand you want to do things “by yourself,“ but I have never flung my poo at you, so I think it’s fair to ask that that never happen again.

While we are on the topic of nonsense, what is with your insane tantrums? That can’t be normal. I think you may be suffering from PMS (Preschool Meltdown Syndrome). I’ve heard it’s a thing—I didn’t just make that up.

I know toddler life is full of disappointments and upsets, but you should know that it is completely unnecessary to fall to the ground—as though you’re composed entirely of jello—every time something doesn’t go your way.

I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you play in the oven. I know, I suck. Maybe when you’re older.

And, as much as I would enjoy the sabbatical from cooking, I can’t let you live off fruit snacks and giant hunks of cheese. If you did, you would never poop again, and then what would you throw at me? Think about that.

We also need to talk about your sleep. There is no need to switch out stuffed animals at 3 a.m. They don’t care who you’re sleeping with. They are stuffed and have no real feelings. I, on the other hand, do, and when you wake up and refuse to get back in bed at 3 a.m., what I feel most is anger.

Then there’s your pants—or lack thereof. Listen, I don’t like pants either, but unfortunately, they are required when we are in public. Going forward, I would like to cease all arguments about pants—it’s a non-negotiable topic. If we’re staying home, then, by all means, roam free, my little gazelle. I will be the first one in attendance at your no-pants-party.

Lastly, you know I’m not a stickler when it comes to screen time, but you are really pushing the limits of my sanity with your viewing preferences. Seventeen consecutive episodes of Paw Patrol is the definition of excessive. There isn’t anyone or anything left to save in Adventure Bay—those pups are just showboating at this point.

So, kid, we’ve got to make some changes. Maybe we can settle this over a game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos? I’ll let you be the blue one, then you can change your mind and demand the yellow one, only to ultimately play with the orange one.

Whatever we do, we need to do something. I love you, but I can’t peel you off one more floor or haul you out of another restaurant screaming and crying because your juice was too juicy.

You’re gonna have to work with me here.

Patiently awaiting your response,
Mommy

Originally published January 2017.

Jorrie Varney

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Jorrie is a mother of two, who writes about the reality and insanity of parenting on her blog Close to Classy. She aspires to own furniture without stains and enjoy a shower without an audience. You can follow her antics on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Fun Sports Trivia for Kids & Their Grown-Ups

by Amber GuetebierMay 24, 2022

If your kids have heard of Babe Ruth but aren’t sure if it’s a kind of candy, don’t worry! We know kids love fun facts, and from facts about Wilma Rudolph to the actual diameter of a basketball hoop, we’ve rounded up some fun sports trivia for kids.

1. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points in a single NBA basketball game. No one has broken this record (not even Steph Curry!).

2. Babe Ruth began his career as a pitcher: Ruth was both a left-handed pitcher and left-handed batter.

3. The record for the long jump is held by Mike Powell: 29 ft. + 4 inches. That’s like jumping the length of two minivans!

4. The most medals won for Olympic basketball (male or female) are both held by women: Teresa Edwards and Lisa Leslie with four gold medals each.

5. Here's some amazing sports trivia for kids: Wilma Rudolph (who set the world record in 1960 for 100, 200 and 4x100-meter relay) had polio, scarlet fever and pneumonia as a child, leading doctors to believe she’d never walk again.

football sports trivia for kids — Dave Adamson on Unsplash

6. NFL Super Bowl referees also get Super Bowl rings.

7. In 1919, Cleveland Indians pitcher Ray Caldwell was struck by lightning in the middle of the 9th inning. He kept playing!

8. The 'G' on the Green Bay Packers helmet stands for "greatness", not Green Bay!

9. Baseballs last an average of seven pitches.

10. Manon Rheaume is the only woman to have played in an NHL game.

11. Golf is one of only two sports every played on the moon. In 1971, Alan Shepard hit a ball with a six-iron while on the moon as part of the Apollo 14 mission. The other sport was a javelin toss, during the same visit.

basketball hoop sports trivia for kids — Andy Hu on Unsplash

12. Goal posts are painted yellow in football.

13. In the game of tennis, a score of "love" means zero.

14. The diameter of a basketball hoop is 18 inches.

15. Golf is the only sport that has been played on the moon. This occurred in February 1971.

16. In Thailand, kite flying is a professional sport.

17. The Olympics used to include artists, musicians and sculptors.

18. Due to World Wars, the Olympics have been canceled three times.

19. Figure skating is the oldest winter Olympic sport.

20. Women were allowed to compete in the Olympics beginning in 1900.

How to Write a Limerick with Kids

by Amber GuetebierMarch 15, 2022

Need an activity that doubles as a learning moment? Writing a limerick is actually simple when you learn the basics of its structure and it’s an excellent way to practice rhyming words with kids. While the origin of the limerick is unknown, many people believe it refers back to an Irish soldier’s song, “Will You Come Up to Limerick?”. Read on to get the simple tutorial on writing your own limerick with the kids!

1. Rhyme Time

A limerick has five lines.
The first, second and fifth lines all rhyme with each other.
The third and fourth lines rhyme with each other.

To
Who
Lock
Stock
Glue

2. Feel the Beat

The first, second and fifth lines (which all rhyme with each other) have the same rhythmic pattern:

Ba dum ba da dum da da dum (8 syllables)

The third and fourth lines (which rhyme with one another) have this pattern:

Ba dum ba da dum (five syllables)

3. Try it out

There once was a kid who was sad
(Ba dum ba da dum da da dum)
He made up a lie to his dad
(Ba dum ba da dum da da dum)
His pop knew the trick
(ba dum ba da dum)
And called it out quick
(ba dum ba da dum)
And now the kid’s ice cream’s gone bad
(Ba dum ba da dum da da dum)

A famous example:

Hickory, dickory, dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck run,
And down he run,
Hickory, dickory, dock!

4. Get creative!

Want to make it easier on little ones? Try a “fill-in-the-blank” method. Just take away a few of the rhyming words and have them guess the answers.

There once was a _____ from the farm
Who had sixteen hairs on his ______
Dog gave them a pull
Cat laughed like a _____
They never meant him any ____.

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COVID-19 & the Future of Custody Battles in the US

By Jacqueline Newman

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

August 4, 2021

Photo: Deposit Photos

During lockdowns, because of COVID, both parents seem to be more accessible at home because a lot more people are working remotely. But what does this mean for the future of child custody battles? Turns out, according to Jacqueline Newman, author of The New Rules of Divorce, it could impact custody battles a lot more and here’s why:

“Truth be told, I think that there has been a shift, at least the beginning of one, already, before COVID struck. The every other weekend and Wednesday dinner custody schedules were already becoming a thing of the past. Many more non-primary custodial parents were asking for more and more time. Maybe it was not always 50-50 because of the work schedules, and because of the fact that they were not as involved in the day-to-day routines of their child, but it was pretty close.

But now, after COVID? I think the shift is going to be much more extreme. We are 100% at a point where the question is now asked, “Why isn’t it 50-50?” One of the big claims that the primary custodial parent would often make would be that the non-primary custodial parent did not know the day-to-day routines of the child. They did not know that Sally only drew with purple crayons, and Bobby would only eat sandwiches if they were cut in perfect circles. They did not know these little idiosyncrasies of their child because they just were not home all of the time to learn them.

However, now, for the last year and a half, many parents have both been home. Now we have many parents that might have previously traveled a lot or had to work late and attend work dinners that did not do that during COVID—everybody was home. So, now, both parents are so much more involved in the daily routines of their children. They both know that the math homework is due on Tuesdays, that Cindy does not like her social studies teacher, and that the Sami only likes her pasta without sauce—they know all the little ins and outs. People have been having family dinners together again. I will speak for myself—pre-COVID, my husband and I, would often not be be home for dinner with our children every night. We are both attorneys and often at least one of us would be working a late night. But now, for the last year and a half, we have basically eaten dinner together with our children every single night. And it is something that I did not give nearly enough credit to as being such valuable family time previously. However, I do now.

The fact is, now, when we are moving forward in custody battles, I think a lot of the historical arguments of, “He/She doesn’t know everything,” or “Hasn’t done it before” is just going be thrown out the window. Now you are going have parents that have both done everything. Everyone is changing diapers, everyone is doing sugar cube igloo projects and everyone is more attuned to the likes and dislikes of their children.

Now, I think when both parents want 50-50, I think that the question will be “Why not?” I also think it is going be a very hard pill to swallow for certain parents that may have sacrificed careers, and/or have dedicated their entire lives to their children as being the primary caretaker, to be told that the other parent is going have possible 50% of the parenting time is going be very upsetting. It is also important to note that in many states, the amount of days you have with a child can impact child support (not in New York). Therefore, the repercussions are not just the emotional but also have financial implications.

2022 is going to be a very interesting year when it comes to custody litigation and I expect there will a significant shift in terms 50/50 parenting time.”

Jacqueline Newman

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Jacqueline Newman is a divorce lawyer and matrimonial law expert. As managing partner of a top-tier 5th Avenue Manhattan law firm focused exclusively on divorce, her practice runs the gamut from prenups for high net worth people contemplating marriage to high conflict matrimonial litigation in dissolutions.

4 Ways to Have Fun Before the Summer is Over

By Deanna Pope-Toth

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

April 12, 2021

Photo: Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash

Summer is not over ‘til it’s over, baby.

Right now is about the time when you have started to be inundated with advertisements and articles about back to school. And almost every kid cringes when they hear the words, “back to school.” With this reminder glaring at us in almost every direction, part of you might be a little relieved that you don’t have to keep entertaining kids!

If these last weeks of summer seem to be dragging on as the boredom has struck (and when it strikes, it strikes hard!), here’s a little list to give you some oomph before kids get on the school bus.

1. Book a last-minute camping trip.

What a great way to enjoy the outdoors! Plan a short weekend getaway to a campsite to jam in some extra fun summer memories. Here are some of the things you’ll need. Don’t stress! Enjoy a sporadic trip to the good outdoors.

2. It’s not too late for a bonfire.

What kid doesn’t love roasting marshmallows or making s’ mores? Would you dare try to mix up the delicious perfection of the s’ more? Here’s a list of 15 OTHER ways to create delicious s’mores. Go ahead and give them a try!

3. Make an outdoor movie theatre.

Because nothing says summer entertainment like “an outdoor movie.” Butter-up some popcorn, fill a cooler, bring out your TV, extension cord, DVD player, blankets, a comfy blanket (the more the merrier!), and some family and friends.

4. Plan a last-minute party.

If you’re feeling like you just haven’t been able to see everyone, and your kids, too, then don’t despair and plan a party. Take a minute and plug a date into your calendar to invite some friends over. If you want to impress your guests, plan a refreshing mocktail, and some easy-apps.

Hopefully, with some proper encouragement and inspiration, you can pack the rest of your summer days with memories and kick boredom goodbye! Summers are short with our kids, and it’s easy to spend the latter days of summer longing for school to start. But why not create all the memories we possibly can?

Deanna Pope-Toth

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community!

Shawn Johnson East Announces Second Pregnancy to Parents In Sweet, Snowy Way

by Erica LoopFebruary 16, 2021

Olympian Shawn Johnson East and hubby former NFL player Andrew East recently shared their baby news reveal with the world! The couple, who are expecting their second child later in 2021, took to YouTube with a behind the scenes look at their sweet (and completely comical) family baby announcement idea.

There’s no end to the creative pregnancy announcement ideas online. When Johnson East and her husband wanted to share their baby joy with the East fam, the couple explored some of the more humorous options. After nixing the idea of a literal bun in the oven, East decided to put together a family photo portrait reveal.

The soon-to-be second time dad devised a plan that involved his parents, sisters and their families. In a perfect world, the entire extended family would gather together, smile sweetly, and get a surprise when the pair announced the pregnancy. Even though this sounded like a workable idea, reality struck. With kids who wouldn’t stand still and scheduling issues, the photo idea never happened.

This left the couple on the hunt for another pregnancy reveal idea. Johnson East was ready to spill the secret without any fanfare—but her hubby wouldn’t give up on the idea of a creative announcement.

Instead of a fam photo, East built four snow people: Dad, mom, older sib, and a new baby. He hid the baby snow person until the just-right time. Of course, everyone in the East clan was elated at the announcement. To see the full reveal, and everything leading up to it, watch the couple’s YouTube video here.

Johnson East also posted a YouTube video of her parents’ reaction to the baby news. Watch the hilarious clip here.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

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7 Reasons Not to Reveal Your Baby’s Name in Advance

By Janelle Henry

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

January 21, 2021

Photo: unsplash

7 Reasons Why You Should Never Reveal Your Baby’s Name Choice

We’ve all been there…that exciting moment when you and your spouse finally determine what your babies name will be. Perhaps you have a few options, maybe a boy version and a girl version. The name is occupying your thoughts and you have this secret that just seems too good to keep between the two of you.

It all starts out innocently enough. You are at a gathering, and several months pregnant. Someone will ask you the standard pleasantries… “You look great how do you feel? Do you have any morning sickness? Boy or Girl? Have you picked out a name?” The logical part of you quickly sends a signal to your brain saying “Don’t tell anyone this name we picked out. Nothing good will come of it. Keep it a secret as long as you can. Come on it’s only a few more months!!” And just like out of a cartoon where you have a devil and angel on each shoulder that other more emotional, do-it-if-it-feels-good portion of your brain says “YES! Tell them! You love that name and should feel so proud of what you came up with. It’s the best name ever and who wants a secret anyway. Besides its perfect they will love it!! Do it! Tell them!”

I am here to tell you why keeping that name a secret for just a few months longer is always the best option. I had a friend who had 10 sisters and female cousins in her age range growing up and in order to make sure no one ‘stole’ a baby name each Christmas they would be allowed two names that they could save. They would put the names down on a piece of paper, read them out loud to the group, and then put them in a safe. Once the name had been written down it was yours. I’m not saying you need a vault but hear me out as to why it may be better to keep this wonderful news to yourself.

1. It’s a fun secret to keep with just you and your spouse: It can be a thing just for the two of you. While everyone else is calling your baby “Baby XYZ” or “the little one” the two of you can rush home after a night with friends and say the name over and over. You can tease each other when one of you almost slips up and refers to the baby by their name, correcting yourself quickly (my husband did this several times and I was always impressed at how fast he recovered).

2. Nobody will ever love it as much as you do: Let’s face it, unless the person you are telling the name to has THAT EXACT NAME they will never love it as much as you do. And why would they? It’s not their baby, it’s not their name choice. They will like it of course, but it will never be the response you want which I imagine if you are like me at all sounds something like “OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE MOST PERFECT NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU HAVE STRUCK THE BALANCE BETWEEN CLASSIC AND MODERN, WHIMSICAL AND SERIOUS, CUTE AND CLEVER. THIS NAME SURELY WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY”. Yeah that won’t happen.

3. Everyone will ask if you named baby after most famous person with that name: You know this drill. You’ve likely pulled it on many of your friends and co-workers and probably didn’t realize you were doing it. It goes a little something like this.

Person 1: We are naming our baby Brad. Person 2: Oh like Brad Pitt? Person 1: No Brad is my husband’s middle name.

Or this…

Person 1: We are naming our baby Celine. Person 2: Celine… after Celine Dion? Person 1: No, Celine is Latin for “Heaven”. Person 2: Oh Ok.

4. You will learn the weirdest person someone knows with same name: Now I am guilty of this time and time again, even if I don’t say it out loud. But I know many people who do. Here is how it goes: “Oh you are going to name the baby Patrick? <Long Pause>. I knew a Patrick in elementary school. He used to eat my glue”. The *only* time this strategy pays off is if you happen to know the coolest person the person you are telling ever knew, and if your baby shares that same name. That likely won’t happen. It will always be a glue-eaters name.

5. They might take the name for themselves: I know this probably won’t happen. People are good and know how important naming will be. But you do run the risk if you tell of THINKING they stole the name. Likely they already had it chosen for their future child and when you spilled the beans they didn’t want to rain on your parade saying “That’s going to be our baby name too in the distant future! Our kids will be twinsies and now will both get to go thru life putting their last name initial after their first name from now until senior year”. Nope. They won’t say that. And then in 5 years when you have long moved away or switched jobs you will be trolling on Facebook and will see that “Oh my gosh they copied my name”. Not worth it.

6. Once baby is born people can’t object or give other suggestions: When a baby is born they more or less lock in the name. Even if it’s a terrible name, or the glue eaters name outsiders will simply look at that beautiful baby, hear the name and say “I love it. It’s perfect”. Bingo.

7. So few surprises in life keep this as long as you can: In today’s society everyone wants information all the time regardless of how relevant it is. People love a spoiler. I’ve clicked on articles with the headlines “You won’t believe what happened on last night’s episode of Game of Thrones- Spoilers Ahead” and I don’t even watch that show! I just love a good spoil. Your friends and family, no matter how much they beg to hear that name, will be delighted when the baby is born and they get to hear the unveiling of the name. It’s very royal family. And everyone loves a well-kept surprise.

Once your little bundle arrives, be sure to capture all the sweetest moments—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.

Janelle Henry

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Janelle is a Pacific Northwest native who escaped the rain and now resides in the Bay Area with her husband and their two sons. A tech industry leader by day and a craft mommy reheating up leftovers by night, just balancing a house of cards as best as she can.

Date Night In: 9 Maternity Looks You’ll Love

by Aimee Della BittaJanuary 2, 2021

Yes, you may be spending more time at home than ever before, but that doesn’t mean you need to say goodbye to date nights. Setting the mood to connect with your partner without leaving the house takes a little creativity but is so worth it. Light a few candles, dab on your favorite perfume, try these date-night suggestions, and slip into one of these 10 maternity looks to instantly feel inspired for a fun, romantic date night in.

Asymmetric Black Sweatshirt Dress

Who says sweats can't be fashionable? This asymmetrical sweatshirt dress is super stylish and crazy comfortable. Throw on your favorite dangle earrings and your coziest slippers and your date-at-home outfit is complete.

Available at etsy.com, $68.70.

MAMA Ribbed Pants

These wide-legged ribbed pants with matching top from H&M hit the mark for a pulled together comfortable look. Pro tip: This is a great outfit for a spa-themed date night in. Face masks and chocolate covered strawberries for two, please!

Available at hm.com, $29.99.

Long Sleeve Fitted Maternity Dress

Slip on this buttery soft knit dress, order take-out from your favorite restaurant, and try eating anyplace other than the dinner table turned work-from-home desk you've been staring at all week. We promise, you'll feel like you're out on the town! This confidence-boosting Ingrid & Isabel dress stretches to the perfect fit at every stage of pregnancy.

Available at ingridandisabel,com, $98.

Love Struck Sweater

Let your outfit do the talking. This adorable Love Struck sweater from Loft will let your partner know you're still very much head over heals in love.

Available at loft.com, $74.50.

The Cashmere Sleeper Set

The best thing about a date night at home is you can wear anything that feels good, even if it's your favorite cashmere sleeper set. This one from Hatch ranks high on the list for both comfort and style.

Available at hatchcollection.com, $238.

The Column Dress

Looking for non-maternity dresses you can rock your whole pregnancy? Meet the Column Dress from The Great. It's relaxed through the body with slightly billowed sleeves. Slip it on for your next date night in and smile knowing you'll happily be wearing it for years to come.

Available at thisisthegreat.com, $195.

Caftan

It's the workhorse of any pregnancy wardrobe—the caftan. This original dress from Dwell and Slumber is comfy, flattering and forgiving on all shapes and sizes. The transitional design will fit you through all four trimesters and all stages of life. Wear it to date night in now, and out on the town when the time is right.

Available at dwellandslumber.com, $62.

Jumpsuit

This wide-leg jumpsuit is a favorite among mamas! With no back zipper, it's easy to slip on, and the added elastic back waistband offers a forgiving fit. It's polished enough for the office but comfortable enough for dates at home.

Available at bloomaire.com, $182.

Maternity Leggings

No list is complete without the perfect maternity legging. Swap out the stained sweatpants you've been wearing during Zoom calls for these chic leggings from Storq. You'll instantly feel pulled together and ready for date night with your sweetheart.

Available at storq.com, $65.

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This Uber Driver Bought 30 Outfits for a Baby She Didn’t Know & Here’s Why

by Erica LoopOctober 29, 2019

New mom Nikki Ihus’s son John Henry was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia. The condition, which can threaten lung development, required major surgery and left John Henry in the NICU.

As John Henry grew, Ihus needed to get the recovering baby new clothes. The mom called an Uber, got in the car and let loose with some much-needed venting (to the Uber driver)—but the story doesn’t end there.

The Uber driver, Belinda, didn’t let Ihus shop alone. Instead, she accompanied the mom into a consignment shop and bought nearly 30 outfits for John Henry.

Not only was Belinda’s uber-act of kindness pure awesomeness, but the driver struck up a friendship with Ihus and even made a special trip to the hospital to meet John Henry!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Courtesy of Nikki Ihus

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The Tree That Inspired Dr. Seuss’ “The Lorax” Has Fallen, but It’s Not All Bad News

by Shahrzad WarkentinJune 18, 2019

It would appear that the Once-ler has struck in La Jolla, California where sadly the tree that inspired Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax has fallen.

Theodor Seuss Geisel, or as the famous author is more commonly known, Dr. Seuss, was rumored to have designed the whispy Truffula trees at the center of The Lorax around a beautiful Monterey Cypress tree that stood outside the window of his home in La Jolla. On Jun. 13 the tree, which may have inspired the iconic story about the importance of protecting nature, fell down.

Dr. Seuss wrote 'The Lorax' from this tree's inspiration—but now it's dead https://t.co/JgKwZoFfs4 pic.twitter.com/xeAfzpfVDa

— Gizmodo (@Gizmodo) June 17, 2019

The tree was healthy and estimated to be between 80 to 100 years old according to San Diego Parks and Recreation spokesman Tim Graham. “We did want to make it clear that the tree was not dead when it fell,” Graham told TODAY. “It did have some termites, but was generally in good condition.”

While the Once-ler would certainly be a likely culprit, it remains a mystery what happened to the tree. In the true spirit of Seuss’ story, however, a new tree will be planted in its place. According to Graham, in addition to planting a new tree, the city is looking to give the fallen trunk a new life by repurposing it.

“We really have no idea if Ted based the truffula trees on this particular tree, but regardless we are saddened to hear that this beautiful tree has fallen down, as we are when any tree that has lived for decades falls,” said Susan Brandt, president of Dr. Seuss Enterprises in an emailed statement. “That said we are happy to hear that the park district has plans to plant a new tree and hope that this new tree has the opportunity to grow and delight park goers for years and years.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Amazon

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