Dear Husband: I Need More Help from You

By Celeste Erlach

March 26, 2024

Dear Husband,
I. need. more. help.

Last night was hard for you. I asked you to watch the baby so I could go to bed early. The baby was crying. Wailing, really. I could hear him from upstairs, and my stomach knotted from the sound, wondering if I should come down there and relieve you or just shut the door so I could get some desperately needed sleep. I chose the latter.

You came into the room 20 minutes later, with the baby still frantically crying. You placed the baby in the bassinet and gently pushed it just a few inches closer to my side of the bed, a clear gesture that you were done watching him.

I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to launch an epic fight that very moment. I had been watching the baby and the toddler all damn day. I was going to be waking up with the baby to feed him all damn night. The least you can do is hold him for a couple of hours in the evening so I can attempt to sleep.

Just a few hours of precious sleep. Is that too much to ask?

I know we both watched our parents fulfill the typical mother-father roles growing up. Both our mothers were the primary caretakers and our fathers were relatively hands-off. They were excellent dads, but they weren’t expected to spend a significant amount of time changing diapers, feeding, caring, and tending to the kids. Our mothers were the superwomen who maintained the family dynamics. Cooking, cleaning, and raising the children. Any help from dad was welcome but unexpected.

I see us falling into these family dynamics more and more each day. My responsibility to feed the family, keep the house clean, and take care of the kids is assumed, even as I return to work. I blame myself for most of it, too. I have set the precedent that I can do it. And in truth, I want to. No offense, but I’m not sure I want to know what a week’s worth of dinner would look like with you in charge.

I also see my friends and other moms doing it all, and doing it well. I know you see it, too. If they can manage it, and if our mothers did it so well for us, why can’t I?

I don’t know.

Maybe our friends are playing the part in public and secretly struggling. Maybe our moms suffered in silence for years and now, 30 years later, they simply don’t remember how hard it really was. Or maybe, and this is something I berate myself over every single day, I’m just not as qualified for the job as everyone else. And as much as I cringe just thinking it, I’m going to say it: I need more help.

Part of me feels like a failure for even asking. I mean, you do help. You are an amazing father, and you do a great job with the kids. And besides, this should come easy to me, right? Motherly instincts, no?

But I’m human and running on five hours of sleep and tired as hell. I need you.

In the morning, I need you to get our toddler ready so I can care for the baby and make everyone’s lunches and drink a cup of coffee. And no, getting the toddler ready does not mean plopping him in front of the TV. It means making sure he goes potty, giving him some breakfast, seeing if he wants water, and packing his bag for school.

At night, I need an hour to decompress in bed, knowing our toddler is asleep in his room and the baby is in your care. I know it’s hard to listen to the baby cry. Believe me, I know. But if I can watch and pacify the baby for the majority of the day, you can do it for an hour or two at night. Please. I need you.

On weekends, I need more breaks. Times when I can get out of the house by myself and feel like an individual. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store. And some days when I’ve scheduled swim class and play dates, and it seems like I’ve got it all under control, I need you to offer to lend me a hand. Or suggest I go lie down during the kids’ naptime. Or start putting away the dishes without me suggesting it. I need you.

Lastly, I need to hear you’re grateful for all I do. I want to know that you notice the laundry is done and a nice dinner has been prepared. I want to know you appreciate that I breastfeed at all hours and pump when I’m at work when it would be easier for me to formula feed. I hope you notice that I never ask you to stay home from your networking events and sports activities. As the mom, it’s assumed I’ll be home all the time and always available to care for the kids while you’re out and I feed that assumption by, well, being home all the time.

I know it’s not how our parents did it, and I hate even asking. I wish I could do it all and make it look effortless. And I wish I didn’t need kudos for doing things most people expect from a mom. But I’m waving a white flag and admitting I’m only human. I’m telling you how much I need you, and if I keep going at the pace I’ve been on, I will break. And that would hurt you, the kids, and our family.

Because, let’s face it: You need me, too.

This post originally appeared on And What a Mom!

Celeste Erlach

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Hi! I’m Celeste. I consider myself a relatively new mom with two boys ages 4 and 2. Other titles I go by include: wife, health & wellness coach, marketing guru, avid reader (self-help books are my favorite), writer, travel/adventure seeker and fitness nut.

Everything You Need to Know about Disney’s New Genie Service

by Karly WoodAugust 20, 2021

You may have heard the rumors: Walt Disney World and Disneyland Resort are no longer offering Fast Passes and we’re here to tell you: it’s true. But while the free service won’t be offered anymore, Disney is not leaving us hanging!

Coming this fall you’ll be able to access the new Disney Genie service! The digital service not only helps you create a fun-filled itinerary but it’s also complimentary (please, and thank you). Keep scrolling to find out all the details!

Disney’s video covered a ton of important details so let’s break it down. First, Disney Genie fits right into the My Disney Experience and Disneyland apps so you don’t need yet another app on your already cluttered phone. You’ll be able to indicate your must-ride attractions, fave food and interests that include your can’t miss character experiences.

Once you load in your deets, Disney Genie will help guide your day by suggesting ideal times to head to attractions, when to get on restaurant waiting lists and wait times. It will also adjust throughout the day as crowds ebb and flow. No more walking across the entire park to find out the princesses have gone on a lunch break!

photo: Joshua Sudock/Disneyland Resort

If you are still craving that front-of-the-line experience, guests will have the option to use the Disney Genie+ service and make up to two individual attraction selections to skip the line. Both of these are paid options.

Disney Genie+ service will be priced at $15 per ticket per day at Walt Disney World Resort and $20 per ticket per day at Disneyland Resort. This service gives you the chance to pick the next available time to arrive at certain attractions and experiences by using the Lightning Lane entrance. Like the old Max Pass, guests can only make one selection at a time, throughout the day. Additionally, you’ll also be able to access Disney parks-themed audio experiences and photo features like augmented reality lenses (Walt Disney World only) and unlimited Disney PhotoPass downloads from your day at Disneyland Resort.

For attractions not included in Disney Genie+ service, park goers will be able to schedule a time to arrive at up to two super popular = attractions each day using the Lightning Lane entrance. Depending on the park, attraction and day, the price will fluctuate for this service.

For more details on Disney Genie, visit DisneyWorld.com/DisneyGenie and Disneyland.com/DisneyGenie and stay tuned for the official launch date this fall.

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: Disney Parks Blog

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This Comedian’s Instagram Video Totally Nails Your Kiddo’s Bedtime Battles

by Erica LoopDecember 14, 2020

Shaun Johnson knows kids. The comedian may not have his own toddler to contend with, but his hilarious Instagram video proves he’s got the whole bedtime battle down.

In the clip, Johnson (who plays the roles of both mom and kiddo) does whatever he can to extend his bedtime for just one more moment—and yes, we all know this routine very, very well.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Shaun Johnson (@johnsonfiles)

As mom-Johnson asks, “Why are you out of bed?” child-Johnson gives the all-encompassing answer, “I can’t sleep.” Like any of us would, mom-Johnson quickly (and firmly) responds, “It is past your bedtime.”

In a page from just about every mama’s world, child-Johnson then proceeds to try every toddler trick in the book to stop bedtime from happening. From tossing a stuffed animal down the stairs to suggesting he needs to put his shoes by the door for the next day, the clip is filled with every excuse us mamas hear on a nightly basis. That is except for, “I’m thinking whether you’re gonna be one of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.”

Now there’s part two!

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A post shared by Shaun Johnson (@johnsonfiles)

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Ryan McGuire via Pexels

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Coloring: Inside or Outside the Lines?

By Janet Coburn

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

October 14, 2020

Photo: Janet Coburn

The other day, my husband gave me a little gift with which to amuse myself while he was out of town – a paint-n-bake coffee mug with an intricate mandala sort of design on both sides and a set of four special markers. The idea is that when you finish coloring it, you bake it for 45 minutes and the color becomes permanent. (More or less. You are advised to hand-wash the mug.)

A while back, Dan had given me several coloring books and assorted colored pencils, the latest fad in relaxation techniques. Presumably, focusing on the coloring keeps your mind off your troubles. One of the coloring books I later obtained let you color a bunch of swear words, which are very satisfying to contemplate.

Anyway, I wrote about the coloring craze some time ago in a blog post (“Color My World” http://wp.me/p4e9wS-jP), in which I said,

I don’t know anyone who admits to coloring within the lines when they were kids. Coloring outside the lines … was a badge of freedom and creativity and, for some, poor fine motor skills. It was how the more inhibited of us let our freak flags fly.

The coffee mug, however, was clearly intended to be colored within the lines, unless done as an art project by a five-year-old for Father’s Day.

This presented a little problem for me. I have “essential tremor,” which is doctor-speak for “We don’t know why your hands shake; they just do.” With coloring books, this wasn’t much of an issue, because the pages never even made it as far as the refrigerator door. A coffee mug, however, is meant to be used, though, so conceivably other people might see it. (Not that I’m a great one for having koffee klatches, except by phone with my mother-in-law.)

As I started coloring the first side of the mug, I discovered something useful – until baked, the colors were far from permanent. They could be rubbed away easily with a fingertip or a Kleenex. Or the heel of your hand as you rested it on the mug, trying to get the top half colored. Finally, I decided that the teensy white spaces within the itty-bitty black lines were just suggestions, and colored the larger shapes, staying vaguely between the lines and leaving those little accents of white, just for contrast.

By the time I had accomplished that, my hands were well and truly shaking. I could have stopped there and finished the mug later, on a day when my tremor was less troublesome. (It comes and goes, aggravated by fatigue or stress.) But I wanted to get the damned thing over and done with.

I decided that I would purposely let my freak flag fly on the other side. I would not even try to stay within the lines. Instead I took the markers and colored in bright diagonal streaks of different lengths and widths, with reckless disregard for any and all black lines. It was, in its own way, very satisfying, even if it did resemble the aforementioned Father’s Day gift. It was bright and cheery, and it looked absolutely nothing like the mandala pattern or the other side’s more constrained coloring.

I had warned Dan that I didn’t intend both sides of the mug to look the same, but I think he just supposed I would use different colors for the different parts of the identical design. We’ll see what he says when he gets home. As a child of the sixties, he should appreciate my rebelliousness, and as a fan of the Impressionists, he ought to admire my emotionally free st‌yle.

And if he doesn’t, I’ll just use the mug myself. It’s quite a large one, big enough to contain both my outer adult and my inner child. And lots of coffee.

P.S. Thanks to Ellen Kollie, friend and former coworker, for suggesting I turn this Facebook post into a blog post. If it doesn’t work, it’s all your fault.

Do you have a story to share with our readers? We want to hear it! Sign up for our Spoke Contributor Network and start submitting your writing today.

Janet Coburn

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Hi! I'm a freelance writer and editor who writes about education, books, cats and other pets, bipolar disorder, and anything else that interests me. I live in Ohio with my husband and a varying number of cats.

Study Shows Babies from Bilingual Homes Switch Attention Faster

by Jennifer SwartvagherMarch 10, 2020

According to new research, babies born into bilingual families are better at switching their attention from one task to another compared with infants from homes where only one language is spoken. The study, led by Anglia Ruskin University (ARU), used eye-tracking technology to record the gaze of 102 infants carrying out a variety of tasks. Scientists found that those from bilingual homes are able to change their focus “more quickly and more frequently” than those from monolingual homes.

The researchers studied babies between the ages of seven and nine months, half from bilingual homes and half from monolingual homes, to rule out any benefits gained from being able to speak a second language, often referred to as the “bilingual advantage.” Instead, the study focused on the effects of growing up simply hearing two or more languages.

Dr Dean D’Souza, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at ARU said, “Bilingual environments may be more variable and unpredictable than monolingual environments — and therefore more challenging to learn in. We know that babies can easily acquire multiple languages, so we wanted to investigate how they manage it. Our research suggests that babies in bilingual homes adapt to their more complex environment by seeking out additional information.”

When shown two pictures side by side, infants from bilingual homes shifted attention from one picture to another more frequently than infants from monolingual homes, suggesting these babies were exploring more of their environment.The study also found that when a new picture appeared on the screen, babies from bilingual homes were 33% faster at redirecting their attention towards the new picture.

D’Souza added, “Scanning their surroundings faster and more frequently might help the infants in a number of ways. For example, redirecting attention from a toy to a speaker’s mouth could help infants to match ambiguous speech sounds with mouth movements.”

The researchers are currently investigating whether this faster and more frequent switching in infancy can have a longer lasting developmental impact.

The findings were published in the journal Royal Society Open Science.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Picsea on Unsplash

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How to Teach Little Kids about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

By Gay Cioffi

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

February 4, 2020

Photo: Library of Congress via Wikimedia Commons

After the frantic weeks of December—decorating, shopping, cooking and baking—I love settling into the reflective time of January days. In a world of national and international strife, the inspiration and wisdom of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is right on time.

As the teacher of young children, I had the special privilege of sharing his message to a very interested audience. For a child in nursery school, the concept of friendship is one that is just beginning to be understood. Combine that with a birthday celebration and they are all eyes and ears. The idea that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a man whose dream was that “all children would be friends,” is something they embrace whole-heartedly.

With nursery school age children, it is a good idea to begin an introduction of this civil rights leader with a simple story about his dream of people getting along. While children with older siblings may volunteer more details about his life and death, our goal is to keep the story simple and stay focused on his message.

Paper friendship dolls can a big part of the celebration, complete with decorating and the naming of friends. Singing and dancing are part of every celebration, so we adapted the song “We Shall Overcome” to use the words, “We Shall All Be Friends.” Kids love learning to cross their hands to make a people chain. And for a dance tune, the Stevie Wonder tribute song, “Happy Birthday,” is perfect. Without suggesting it, children begin to include these themes in their drawings and creative dramatics.

Year after year, as children learned about Dr. King’s message, it was not uncommon to hear a child comment on another child’s kind act: “That would make Doctor Martin Luther King Junior, very happy.” There is something about knowing and saying his full name that young children take a certain pride in…and so do I.

This post originally appeared on www.littlefolksbigquestions.com.

Gay Cioffi

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Real Moms

By Andie Huber

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

December 31, 2019

Photo: Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

Every year we all do it. We make outrageous resolutions that we will never be able to fulfill for the next twelve months (Soul Cycle twice a week? Feed our kids 100-percent non-GMO, locally raised organic produce? Make weekends screen-free and have the kids put away all their clothes Marie Kondo st‌yle? Sound familiar?). Well this year, I’m kicking those resolutions in the butt and making some that I know I’ll be able to fully accomplish. And this time next year, I’ll be raising my glass and toasting to my success. Want to join me? Here are my top ten resolutions for the real moms in all of us.

1. I plan to misplace my house keys at least once a week.

2. Same goes for my phone.

3. I will eat healthy all day. And even though I promised myself, “Just one glass of wine,” after dinner, I will not feel bad when I find the empty bottle the next morning along with an alarming amount of Hershey Kiss wrappers beside it on the counter.

4. I will white-knuckle the steering wheel in frustration when my kid tells me they forgot their lunch at home…just when we reach the outside of school.

5. I resolve to sniff the milk before serving it to my kids and I promise not to try and pass off the questionably expired stuff.

6. I promise to not make promises about leaving in five minutes. In fact, I promise to never make promises about time ever again.

7. I’m going to stop suggesting mind-numbing, boring games to do with my kids that make me feel better about pulling them off the iPad.

8. Rather than look up their numbers every single time, I plan to put our favorite local pizza and Chinese delivery restaurants on my favorites list in my phone for easy access.

9. I resolve to buy myself Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, birthday, Labor Day (why isn’t this one bigger for Moms?), and Christmas presents and address the gifts to “The Mom Who Works Hard and Deserves a Little Something” so that everyone in my family sees that someone appreciates all that I do.

10. And lastly, but surely, 100-percent accomplishable—I plan to run at least ten minutes late to everything and blame it on the kid who can’t talk yet.

Andie Huber

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

A lifest‌yle writer whose work can be seen in Red Tricycle, Money.com, Livestrong.com and Redbook. When she’s not checking out new events, museums, and restaurants to keep her and her kids entertained, she can be found wandering around flea markets and thrift stores looking for cool vintage finds.

7-Eleven’s New Nerds Slurpee Is the Perfect End of Summer Treat

by Shahrzad WarkentinAugust 30, 2019

Pumpkin spice season has already begun, but if you’re still feeling the last heat waves of summer, you might want to cool off with a different refreshment. Now you can soothe your sweet tooth and beat the heat with 7-Eleven’s new Nerds-flavored Slurpee, but it’s only available for a limited time so act fast.

7-Eleven’s latest special flavor is a delicious tribute to one of your favorite childhood candies. In true Nerds fashion it’s a blend of two of the most popular classic flavors, Grape and Strawberry. The tangy flavor concoction of pink and purple Nerds makes for a pleasant lavender color.

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A post shared by SnackSanta (@snacksanta)

“Slurpee customers, particularly younger ones, love to create fun frozen treats by mixing their favorite candy and Slurpee flavors,” Jacob Barnes, 7-Eleven proprietary beverages product director, said in a press release. “When we started hearing social media chatter that people were suggesting we come out with a NERDS Slurpee, we thought it was a great idea. And, if Slurpee fans want to mix their NERDS Slurpee drinks with NERDS candy, even better. NERDS candy is one of the best-selling non-chocolate candy brands in our stores.”

The new Nerds Slurpee flavor is available for a limited time only, so act fast if you want to get a taste.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: SnackSanta via Instagram

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This Viral Bedtime Chart Is Making the Rounds Again & Parents Have Some Thoughts

by Shahrzad WarkentinMarch 29, 2019

The ideal bedtime is different for every family, but a chart suggesting when you should put your kids to bed—and justifying those times—is making waves among parents on the internet.

From getting kids to fall asleep to squeezing in family time before getting tucked in, picking the right bedtime can be a struggle. An elementary school in Kenosha, Wisconsin made waves when it shared a bedtime chart in 2015 telling parents when their kids should go to bed. The chart has started circulating on social media once more, where the conversation is picking up steam with over 400,000 shares on Facebook.

photo: Sam K via Unsplash

Parents are apparently very divided when it comes to the times the chart suggests. Some say the chart is totally unrealistic to the schedules of most families with parents working full-time and kids fitting in homework and extracurricular activities before what is deemed to be a too early bedtime. “Here’s an idea don’t give my child four hours of homework and then maybe they’d be able to go to bed on time,” one parents posted.

Others—including teachers—support the chart, commenting that it’s just common sense and lines up with the nightly amount of sleep recommended for kids at various ages.

One comment said, “As a teacher, let me just say, there’s just not a lot of common sense out there. Charts work for some people. When I say to your student they can’t put their head down and take a nap in class and they respond that they’re so very tired that they can’t stay awake. Something like this could be beneficial for that parent to see. Some of my friends keep their elementary children up WAY too late. I understand. People work—someone (mom or dad) don’t get home until 7:00 p.m… I get it you want to spend time with them. But it does your kid no favors.”

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics the ideal amount of sleep for kids are as follows:

Infants 4 months to 12 months should sleep 12 to 16 hours per 24 hours (including naps).
Children 1 to 2 years of age should sleep 11 to 14 hours per 24 hours (including naps).
Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps).
Children 6 to 12 years of age should sleep 9 to 12 hours per 24 hours.
Teenagers 13 to 18 years of age should sleep 8 to 10 hours per 24 hours.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

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Reese Witherspoon & Jennifer Garner Hilariously Team Up End to Pregnancy Rumors

by Erica LoopMarch 26, 2019

If you’ve been wondering, “Is Reese Witherspoon pregnant?” the 42-year-old actress answered the question herself on Instagram this week. OK! Magazine latest cover features the Big Little Lies actress, along with pal Jennifer Garner, claiming both friends are pregnant right now. Judging by Witherspoon’s rad reaction, the mom of three knows how to shutdown pregnancy rumors in the best way possible.

This isn’t exactly the first time the tabloids have got it wrong. Celebs are constant targets for pregnancy rumors, making news for doing nothing more than eating a big meal or wearing a not-so-flattering dress. Stars such as Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz have been dodging these types of expecting accusations for years.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BvC-LomjYwg/

More recently, Lady Gaga faced her own not-so-real rumors about a possible pregnancy. The superstar singer/actress put an end to those by promoting her next musical effort, tweeting that she’s actually pregnant with #LG6 (her soon-to-be-released album).

Witherspoon didn’t take the same approach as Lady Gaga, but her social media share was just as effective. The actress-mama Instagrammed a pic of the tabloid cover, asking Garner if the pair could raise their “imaginary babies” together! Garner commented on Witherspoon’s post, adding that the pair should just move in together now and become the “cutest imaginary family.”

Other celeb friends commented on the rumored pregnancy, with actress Sarah Michelle Gellar offering to imaginary baby sit and Ali Wentworth suggesting that she throw the imaginary shower!

—Erica Loop

Featured photos: Reese Witherspoon via Instagram

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