In the midst of preparing for a family feast each year, we’ve also wrestled with how to talk to our kids about Thanksgiving. We want our children to learn from and do their part in changing the inequality in their world, and perpetuating the Thanksgiving story we were taught in elementary school runs squarely at odds with that mission.
But, it can be hard to know how and when to start having the true story of Thanksgiving conversation with kids. So first, remember that we don’t need to nail this by the time the turkey hits the table. This is ongoing and important work to do all year round. Following are a few ideas and resources that are helping our family to lay a foundation that, we hope, will help our kids respect and respond to real history in a way that supports a better future.
Build a Foundation for Knowing & Respecting Native Peoples
Start by teaching children real stories and truths about Native and Indigenous peoples, both from the past and the present. The more our children can be curious and aware of people for their strengths and rich history, the more they will push back on stereotypes and absorb the real history in a way that makes them compelled to act.
Here are a few easy ways to do this, even with very young children:
Learn about the people who live or used to live on the land in your area. Use an app like native-land.ca to find out which people live/lived and which languages are/were spoken on the land on which you live. Search for “native people from {city, state or region}” or “indigenous people from {city, state or region}. Then, look for historically accurate accounts of how those people thrived, being aware of the limitations of the perspective of whoever has created them.
Read books that help children come to know about Native peoples and prepare them to push back against stereotypes. For starters, check out this list of 15 beautiful picture books by Native authors about Native protagonists assembled by veteran Tinkergarten Leaders Erika McLemore, who is Creek-Seminole, and Cholena Smith-Boyd of the Shinnecock Indian Nation. As you select more books on your own, consult a reputable resource like Dr. Debbie Reese, a researcher focused on the representation of Native Americans in children’s literature. Through her expert advice, my family has learned how to pick books that are about specific tribes or Native peoples, avoiding the kind of generalizations that lead to stereotypes.
Incorporate Native history into everyday outdoor play. As you are walking in a forest or along a river in your area, share something you’ve learned about the Native people who live/lived and what makes/made them special as a group or society.
When you feel your kids are ready, work with them to question and point out the mismatches between the accurate history and the often perpetuated Thanksgiving Story. To start:
Get to know the true story of Thanksgiving story yourself.PBS Kids offers wonderful resources for parents and educators on how to approach Thanksgiving with authenticity. These resources also help us parents better understand, for ourselves, the story of the people we call Pilgrims, their interaction with the Wampanoag people, and the full history of the holiday we’ve come to know as Thanksgiving.
Don’t be afraid to share with children that there is more to the story. It’s important to help them understand that the familiar story that has been shared for a long time is over-simplified and, as such, can even be hurtful to whole groups of people as well as the allies of those people. One way you can present the disparity to kids is, that although there was a feast between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag, it happened during a time of terrible cruelty and unthinkable loss to the Wampanoag.
Seek out additional tools for learning. This New York Times article has helped us use both age-appropriate resources and inquiry to start engaging our kids in conversation about Thanksgiving. For example, it has encouraged us to help our kids ask “Who is telling the story, and what is their perspective? How is this story different from other accounts and facts that we now know?”
Focus on Gratitude
While it’s essential that we help our children become more attuned to inequality and injustice, telling the true story of Thanksgiving doesn’t have to undermine our practice of sharing gratitude. You can even kickstart an annual gratitude tradition that’s respectful of Native history. Once you learn about the original caretakers of the land you live on, it becomes easy to express thanks for all they’ve done to preserve its natural beauty as part of Thanksgiving.
Be sure to help kids reflect on what they’re grateful for in their day-to-day lives, too. For many years, our family has focused our Thanksgiving on expressing thanks for our family, our health, our earth, and whatever else feels authentic to our kids. We engage in rituals like building a tree of thanks to make this even more concrete for them, and fun for us. This has extended far beyond Thanksgiving for us as well, helping us use simple rituals to develop a gratitude practice as a family and improve our own mental well-being in the process.
However you choose to celebrate this holiday, remember that while we cannot change history, we canmake our children alert to who is telling and what needs to be told about the story. It’s the only way our kids will learn to do their part to make sure better stories are written in their time.
After 18 years as an educator, curriculum developer and school leader, Meghan has her dream gig—an entrepreneur/educator/mom who helps families everywhere, including hers, learn outside. Today, Meghan serves as co-founder and Chief Learning Officer of Tinkergarten, the national leader in outdoor play-based learning.
These should all make an appearance in future father-son talks
From simple, everyday interactions to more serious, big-picture issues, there are important life lessons we dads can—and should—share to help a young boy grow into a courageous, honorable, and kind adult. That said, we realize that not all families include fathers, so these words of wisdom for a father-son talk apply to any parent figure who wants to help their child stand a little taller and do good in the world.
I’ll always be here for you. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. Reminding your son that you always are available to him and mindful of his needs will go a long way in establishing and building trust over time. Mindful parenting means being present in the moment and aware of what’s happening. Modeling positive, supportive behavior while your son is young will show him that good men are reliable and responsible.
Treat others with compassion and empathy. The Golden Rule may be a simple principle to follow, but teaching empathy can provide a deeper framework for how people should behave regardless of circumstance. Fostering empathy can help young boys to find commonalities between themselves and others who are seemingly different—and encourages them to positively and proactively think about and care for others.
Winning is great, but losing with grace and humility is just as important. Good sportsmanship is a beneficial trait that goes well beyond what happens on the playing field. By teaching our sons how to win and lose with dignity, we’re giving them strong interpersonal relationship skills that will serve them well in many other aspects of their lives besides sports. Telling them that the main point of competition is to have fun will alleviate the feeling of needing to win at any cost, and allows them to enjoy themselves.
Surround yourself with people you admire. Dads can’t always pick our son’s friends, but we can encourage them to choose their friendships wisely. Find out who your son admires and who his heroes are, and you’ll quickly discover the kinds of people he wants to emulate. Real friendships are fundamental in early childhood development, so teaching our sons how to find good friends and be good friends will help guide them in the right direction.
I can teach you how to throw a punch, but never start a fight… and always know when to walk away. A parent should teach their son when to stand their ground and when to walk away. Establishing a baseline that it’s never appropriate to hurt others for no reason is a critical, essential first step.
Never make an important decision on an empty stomach. Over the course of a young boy’s life, he’ll have to make many important decisions. These are just warm-ups to the big ones that he’ll have to make as an adult, and every dad knows that important decisions should never be made on an empty stomach. There’s a science to explain why people become grumpy or have poorer judgment when they are hungry. Remind your kid to have a full belly before making any major decisions.
It’s OK to play with dolls. Or dress up as Beyoncé. Or sing like Beyoncé. Or dance like Beyoncé. By the time most boys are five years old, they’ve already learned lots of things that perpetuate toxic masculinity. Break the cycle by letting your son know that there are no such things as “girls-only toys” or “girls-only behaviors.” Instead, teach your son that there’s more than one way to be a man.
Honesty matters.
Whether it’s telling the truth about a broken window/bike/toy or speaking up against bullies, honestly is always the best policy.
What was the best part of your day? At the end of a long day of work and school, many dads will simply ask their sons, “How was your day?” And the typical response is a bluntly delivered, “Fine.” Rather than try to start a conversation with a generic question, be specific. Avoid questions that can be answered with a single word. As our kids get older—particularly as they enter their tween and teen years—they may be less inclined to volunteer information about what’s happening in their lives. Asking pointed questions will help tease out what’s really going on and what’s really on their minds.
Let’s talk about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Because if you’re not the person who’s initiating conversations with your son about topics as important as these, then someone else inevitably will, and that someone else may not always have your kid’s best interests in mind. There are plenty of resources to help parents talk to their kids about sensitive and sometimes awkward topics. At the very least, make sure your son has a handle on the basics from the school of rock.
I’m so lucky that I get to be your dad. And while you’re at it, tell your son that you love him every day, and give him lots of hugs and kisses, especially while he’s still young so that he gets used to receiving affection from (and giving it to) his old man.
Math can be fun, and these free printables prove it! We’ve rounded up math worksheets for kids, from kindergarten math worksheets and math worksheets for 1st grade to early elementary level math problems. Whether you’re homeschooling or just want some extra math practice for the kids, check out these free printables.
Work on telling time with this clock printable. You'll have to cut out the hands and attach them to the face for nonstop time-telling practice! Get your copy from 2ndGradeworksheets.net here.
Have your tiny mathematicians practice finding the place values of the underlined numbers in this printable from 2ndgradeworksheets.net. You can grab your copy of it here.
Your kindergartener will love matching the numbers to these fun pictures. And Math-Salamander.com has tons more to choose from. Find this printable here.
This intro to word problems from Dadsworksheets.com is perfect for elementary schoolers. Having a visual to help with addition helps kids find the solutions. Get your copy here.
Preschoolers will love the fact they can color and count these fun pictures. Math-Salamanders.com has a bunch of printables to choose from. Get this one here.
Little Dots makes it super easy for kids to break down different shapes, like with this circle practice sheet. Find other shapes on their site to round out the lesson.
Math-Salamanders.com helps the littlest students practice number sequences with these fun sheets. Count to five and download your copy of this sheet here.
Sometimes, saying “I’m proud of you” can make all the difference
When you become a parent, you pick up the basics pretty quickly. It’s figuring out how to raise happy and confident kids that can be a challenge as the years go on. What we do know is that positive words for kids will go a long way to help boost their confidence and change their day for the better—sometimes it’s words of encouragement, and sometimes it’s just a simple “I love you.” In that spirit, here are 30 positive things to say to kids.
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1. You make me smile. Telling your kiddo they make you happy is one thing. But telling them they're the reason for your smile will give them happiness and a sense of pride that'll stick around all day.
2. Your words matter. The old saying "sticks and stones" isn't entirely accurate. Let your kids know that words have power.
3. Tell me one good thing that happened today. Focusing on the positive helps keep the bad stuff at bay.
4. Tell me one bad thing that happened today. It’s important to talk about the bad stuff too.
5. I'm proud of you for doing XYZ. When kids hear that someone is proud of them, it has a big impact on them. Think of one positive thing, and tell your little one about it.
6. Mistakes happen. Kids are a messy business, and they may ruin the nice stuff you own. But what's more important—material things (just keep the priceless china stashed away) or your kids knowing they can come to you when they make a mistake? That knowledge that you love them unconditionally goes a long way in life.
7. How are you? Asking your kiddo how she feels shows that you are interested in them. Brandi Russell, a pediatric occupational therapist, and parenting coach recommends checking in with your little ones just as you would a spouse or friend.
8. What would you do? This is a great response to kids always asking for help with things. Empower them while giving yourself a break. You may not think much of it now, but that empowerment goes a long way as they grow older.
9. What nice thing did you do or say today? Encourage kindness by reinforcing it daily.
10. Nothing will change my love for you. This phrase may seem self-evident, but sometimes kids need you to state the obvious. Rebecca Eans, the bestselling author of Positive Parenting, believes you can't go wrong with this loving reminder.
11. Don’t let mean people define who you are. There will always be bullies in life. This simple phrase helps kids know that negative voices are not the most important, and it's a lesson they can remember as they encounter difficult people as teens and adults.
12. I like it when you … Even when the kids are driving you crazy, there’s always at least one thing they did that made you smile.
13. Please. If we want respect as parents, then we need to show that same behavior to our kids.Dr. John DeGarmo, a national foster parent coach, advocates parents should always say "please" and "thank you" to model respectful behavior.
14. Clean up your toys, dishes, or whatever is left out. Encourage kids to take ownership of cleaning up their belongings, says Maureen Healy, author of Growing Happy Kids. Even if it’s just one or two items a day, it will help you in the long run.
15. That’s smart thinking. Sometimes hearing you’re smart is even more powerful than telling a kid she looks cute. That early feeling of being called intelligent is sometimes one of the memories kids remember most as they grow.
16. I like you. Kids may hear the words “I love you” regularly, but do they know you like them too?
17. I’m proud of you. They know you love them. But do they know you’re proud of them too? Author, and clinical psychologist, Dr. Sherrie Campbell believes those words are just as important as affirmations of love to kids.
18. Thank you. Social skills and courtesy are important in the home and outside of it, and they are skills that go through adulthood.
19. I’m sorry. We all lose our temper or make mistakes. Dr. Alison Mitzner, a pediatric specialist, believes what’s important is how we react.
20. Just be yourself. Teach your kids they’re enough, and they never have to be anyone else.
21. I love being with you.Amy McCready is a parenting educator who believes encouraging words and phrases go a long way to help your kids feel safe and secure. Telling your little one how you love being with them is a great positive affirmation they'll never tire of hearing.
22. Do your best. It’s not about the result. It’s about how you get there.
23. Always tell the truth, even if it’s not great. The sooner kids know you’ll still love them after hearing the truth—even if it’s not great—the more truthful they’ll be as they grow.
24. I'm listening. What do you want to say? According to Katie Hurley, LCSW, 57% of girls say they don’t always tell their parents certain things because they don’t want their parents to think badly of them. Show your kids you do care what they have to say by demonstrating you want to listen to them share information with you.
25. You don’t have to eat it. It’s tough to deal with picky eaters. Instead of fighting with your kids to eat their veggies, give them the power to say no and be in control. But don’t provide an alternative meal choice or dessert either.
26. You make me happy. Because everyone wants to feel like they matter to someone else.
27. I love you. They may be simple, but Jennifer Wolf, a PCI-certified parent coach, believes there's no substitute for these powerful words.
28. What do you think we should do today? Letting your kids have a say in the day's activities will do a lot to keep them feeling satisfied and valued for more than just a few hours.
29. You make a difference... in life, in the family, and at school. When kids hear they're important, they feel empowered and happier.
30. You were right. To let a child know when they were right (and maybe you were wrong) is empowering.
Stop saying these homophobic slurs and help break the chain of hurtful speech.
In a vulnerable time like this, communication is incredibly important. Our kids are relying on us more than ever for education, and social development. So, how do we avoid unintentionally hurtful words and teachings that we ourselves may have learned by accident? Linguistically speaking these terms and phrases can be considered a “pathogen”—they’re “Word Germs.”
Perhaps you can recall a time when a parent or grandparent taught you a word or spoke aloud an idea that was offensive to you, or to people you cared about. You, when you decided not to repeat it, were the first link that broke that instructional chain of thinking and speaking.
After surveying an NYC-based LGBT & Ally Performer network, we have come up with 10 commonly used words and homophobic slurs that you may not have known were offensive to the LGBTQ+ community and some alternative options that will promote our children to grow up to be compassionate and intelligent advocates for justice in their classrooms, social circles and future homes.
Kids are naturally curious and like to try out all different kinds of playtime activities as well as clothing options. Playing house, playing with trucks, or building LEGO sets are formative activities for young kids of any gender. Additionally, playtime, for households with multiple children, is a social activity. It’s not rare or wrong for a brother and sister to play cars, dolls, or dress-up pretend games together, so why do we enforce separation when it comes to other activities?
For example, when your son wants to try makeup or wants his nails painted, it can simply be because activities such as those are calming and involve spending quality time with you, or perhaps an older sibling. When a young girl plays with tools or has an interest in mechanics/building, not only are those creative activities the foundation for important skills she will need as an adult but are also a bonding activity for her and a parent and/or sibling. Though these activities aren't indicators that your child will grow into an LGBTQ+ adult, your reaction will be remembered if they begin having questions about their gender and sexuality, so responding positively and openly will set a trusting foundation for your relationship when they need your help finding those answers later in life. Celebrating your child’s curiosity will ultimately bring you closer together.
“He’s a little ladies’ man/She’s going to give her Daddy trouble when she’s older.”
It's a known fact: babies are cute. And it's exciting to see their personalities take form. When babies/toddlers are social and bubbly, sometimes adults will remark in a way that indicates when they grow up, they’ll have plenty of romantic attention. Comments like this could potentially make your child fear making gestures of affection, particularly in front of you or other adults, in case they would be ridiculed or embarrassed. It also establishes an expectation that in adulthood, your child will be heterosexual.
Maybe you can recall having a “kindergarten boyfriend/girlfriend” who waved at you at pick-up or held your hand on the playground. These sorts of gestures of friendship and closeness among young kids should be encouraged. It teaches kids to be honest about their feelings and establishes a place in their life for kind gestures and affection, rather than concealment of emotions and violent outbursts.
These types of comments can also set a tone that same-sex relationships or the need for physical comforts such as hugs or hand-holding outside of a romantic relationship are "strange" or “abnormal.” Instead, it's important to encourage your children to be openly kind to their friends and classmates, without jokingly hinting that something else lies beneath those actions.
Whether she was climbing a tree or sitting bowlegged in a chair, every single girl has heard this phrase at least once growing up. This saying is damaging to every girl, establishing limitations on what girls can and cannot do. In the same way that "no, that's for boys" discourages girls from exploring interests in male-dominated fields, "act like a lady" teaches girls to consider themselves an "other" to boys, even something less than boys. While, of course, we want to teach children manners, how to be polite, to say "please" and "thank you," and to treat everyone with kindness and respect, comments like this make girls resent being born as girls.
It also assumes that a child's sex and gender match one another. Jo March from Little Women, the "blueprint" for how we view tomboyism,often remarked that she was "the man" of the family, cutting her hair short, wearing trousers, and refusing to do "girly" things like needlepoint or flirt with boys. She, like many young girls, rebels against conventional expectations of girlhood/womanhood. So, it's unsurprising that theorists have wondered whether Jo was gay or transgender. Allowing girls to breathe a bit as they develop, leaving room for any activities regardless of her sex will help her in expressing her gender identity later in life.
While it comes from a place of kindness, and of understanding that there are plenty of people who are still intolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, telling a gay person "you're so brave" reinforces that being gay is an abnormality. Not every gay person is completely out, some are only out to friends or friends and a portion of their family. You may have heard "but I haven't told my uncle" or "but I'm never telling my Nona." This homophobic slur subtly assumes that a gay person wants to talk about their struggle to openly accept their sexuality. Saying instead, "I'm here for you if you need to talk (coming out, your intolerant relatives, being bullied at school, feeling confused, etc.)" establishes that you're an ally, and they're in control of when they bring up potentially traumatic events. You could also say, "I'm happy that you're so happy," or "I'm glad you've found your significant other."
“I’m not gay but.../I'm no homo...”
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We'd love to say the reminder is unnecessary, but we'll say it anyway: stop saying this homophobic slur or any variation of it. Whether you think Lupita Nyong'o is beautiful or you love spending time with your best friend, you don't have to reaffirm the admiration of a celebrity or the strength of your love as platonic. This is another phrase that alienates LGBTQ+ people, making it seem as though gay people are abnormal, and there's a necessity to keep reaffirming you do not belong to that group. It makes it seem as though there is some fear attached to being mistaken for gay as if there is some punishment that may be involved. It's much easier to simply say "I'm really happy we're friends" or "I love the time we spend together" to someone you care about without adding the addendum at the end.
We've all heard some version of it: "I always knew ____ was gay!" or, "With style like that, it was obvious!" or to the opposite effect, "But you don't look like a lesbian?" Employing your "gaydar" assumes that there is one single way of being gay. When in fact, gay people and their experiences are just as diverse as anyone else. It also gives gay people a reputation for being "sneaky" as if being in the closet is an act to fool or trick people, but those with "gaydar" are more adept at seeking out the lie. Instead of telling your friend/child/family member that you always knew they were gay, try saying "That's great!" Or if they tell you they're transgender or nonbinary, ask questions like "What does that mean for us going forward?" and "Do you have a new name or pronouns?" and "How can I best support you in this?" Showing you're listening and you care is the most crucial step in making the person you care about feel loved and accepted.
“But, are you sure? Have you ever dated a (person of the opposite sex)?”
Even members of the LGBT+ community are guilty of this one. It's natural to be curious about how someone came into their sexuality, but ultimately it's not your business. Often times gay and transgender folks experience "internalized homophobia" where, it's difficult not to listen to the voices of bullies, politicians, clergy members, and even characters on television, who tell them they're "looking for attention" or "just haven't found the right person" or "can't possibly know unless they tried." You wouldn't ask a straight person how they knew they were straight if they'd never been in a same-sex relationship, so why the curiosity when it comes to gay people?
“I don’t mind what you are but, you’ll always be my little boy/girl to me.”
It's understandable that a change such as your child's gender can be shocking. Especially when discussions of reassignment surgery, hormone therapy and legal measures (regarding name, insurance, official documents, etc.) follow. Fond memories of watching your child grow up will potentially feel like a "Before" and "After" and perhaps, your child will not remember those precious moments with the same fondness, as they will remember them as a time of closeted-ness. It is so crucial in helping your child to feel accepted for who they are, to let go of the "Before" and "After" mentality. Talking openly about your concerns, and listening to theirs will help you better understand each other's needs. Sometimes decisions about how best your child can live their life happily as their preferred gender will require several conversations and lots of research. Tackle those moments of doubt by listening to what your child needs. Help them find an LGBTQ+ network, and as their parent, talk to adults who went through the same thing at their age, and what they needed/wish they had, as far as parental support.
This phrase has somewhat fallen out of fashion in the last ten years but it still comes up, particularly around the adolescent schoolyard. The sentiment is simple: all things stupid, inconvenient, weird, loud, gross, tedious, annoying, and so forth, are branded "gay" instead. With a vocabulary so rich and diverse with words that describe the things that irritate us, why continue to choose the word gay at all? It reinforces the notion that there's something inherently wrong with being gay. If you hear it said by someone you know or even someone you don't, it's easy to correct, "Did you mean (new word)?" or "Gay isn't a synonym for (new word)." Setting an example for your kids in this way, when they hear these pathogen-like phrases (especially when they're uttered by others in your presence), will help them not only learn not to say these things but also why it's important not to.
The “Reclaimed Slur”: “Fairy,” “Queen,” “Queer,” “Dyke,” “Faggot,” “Tranny,” “Cross-Dresser”
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This last one is a little trickier than the others. Sometimes, you will hear members of the LGBT+ community use terms that seem offensive, or you've heard them used offensively before. There isn't one single opinion from the community about these terms. Some people find it liberating to use words that were once meant to damage them as a signifier of pride or self-love. Others prefer to leave homophobic slurs in the past. However, at one point in history, the words "Gay" and "Lesbian" were also slurs, so it's difficult to come down decidedly on one side of the argument or the other.
Ultimately, “slurs” can only be reclaimed by the parties they were originally used to bully. Even if you hear someone call themselves an offensive word, it does not mean they’ve permitted you to use that word to describe them as well. Communicate with your child, friend, or family member, and ask them how you should refer to them—there’s almost always a straightforward answer. Whether it be “Sometimes I call myself a dyke, but please call me a lesbian in conversation” or “I’m gay, but I also use the word queer, so you may too when talking about me.”
As with any marginalized group, the best thing you can do to support the LGBT+ community is to listen to and amplify their voices whenever/wherever you can. Educating yourself is the first step to becoming an LGBTQ ally to those you care about.
Although your kids might think otherwise, Halloween isn’t just about candy! We caught up with some of our favorite folks from Ireland to share the origin stories of our spookiest holiday. From the traditions surrounding Halloween costumes to the backstory of carving pumpkins, here are Halloween facts to share with your little ghouls and goblins.
Here's the very first Halloween fact you should know. The celebration began over 3,000 years ago as the Celtic festival of Samhain, pronounced sow-in. Say it out loud and you'll be able to hear the connection to the modern word Hallow-een.
When the Christian holiday of All Hallow's Eve arrived in the 5th century, which took place around the same time of year, the practices began to merge and the more common term became Halloween.
Samhain marks the end of the harvest season and a transition into the darker months of winter, the Celts believed that this was a time when the worlds of the living and the dead could interact, and spirits could move between the worlds.
Walk Among Us: The Tradition of Costumes
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In order to avoid being tricked or taken into the Otherworld (aka the world of the dead) people would disguise themselves as spirits like ghosts, fairies, witches, demons, and goblins.
Ancient celts would frequently don animal skins and other elaborate outfits. These costumes would cause confusion and allow the living to walk among the spirits without harm. This is where our tradition of dressing up on Halloween comes from!
Bonfires are lit on the hillsides to mark the holiday, a tradition that still is popular today in Ireland. Traditionally a Samhain bonfire was a place where clans and communities would gather together to celebrate.
Recent archaeological excavations have suggested that Tlachtaga, or the Hill of Ward, (in present-day County Meath) was used for feasting and celebration over 2,000 years ago. There is also documentation in manuscripts that it was thought that the fire from this hill was used to rekindle all of the fires in Ireland.
Another fun Halloween fact is that the tradition of carving pumpkins also has its origins in Ireland. While pumpkins are indigenous to the Americas, the Irish carved turnips and large potatoes into the original jack-o'lanterns.
Why the name Jack? Many believe it's because of the story of a man named Stingy Jack, who tried to trick the Devil. He did not succeed and as punishment, he was doomed to wander eternity with only a turnip with a single ember to light his way.
Some believe that the single ember to light a jack-o'-lantern came from the Samhain bonfire and brought good luck to the household. It was placed inside a turnip and carried to the hearth to light the first fire of the Celtic New Year (Nov. 1).
Trick-or-Treating & Caroling???
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The practice of going door to door and asking for candy has its roots in this tradition:
On the night of Samhain, or in preparation for the big bonfire, children and the poor would go door to door to ask for donations for the celebration: food, kindling for the fire, or money.
In exchange, they would sing songs and offer prayers for the dead. Often they were given a traditional food called a soul cake: a flat fruit cake. The tradition was known as "souling."
Feasting was a traditional part of the Samhain celebration, and foods included were those that were in abundance at the end of harvests, such as nuts, apples, grains, poultry, beef, pork, and squash.
Eventually, Samhain merged with the Christian practice of All Hallow's Eve (to create Halloween), and the day before became a day of fasting and preparation.
Part of the fasting was to eat no meat, so vegetarian fare became the norm, including the use of apples, squash, turnips, and potatoes.
The classic Irish potato dish colcannon became part of a long-lasting Halloween recipe tradition, along with fadge (an apple cake) and barmbrack.
Barmbrack is a sort of fortune-telling cake that has trinkets or coins baked into it. What you get in your slice could predict what your new year holds. You can find a recipe here (caution should be used when serving this type of cake as there are small pieces that could be hazardous to young kids, so use sound judgment here).
Common items found in barmbracks include a ring (marriage), a coin (wealth), and a piece of cloth (bad luck).
In some places, you'll find other unique items, including a stick (an argument), a thimble (independence), and a button (bachelorhood).
Colcannon, a beloved Irish dish of potatoes and cabbage, isn't just for warming your belly.
If you were single and seeking a spouse, you would make colcannon on this magical night with similar symbols to barmbrack: a ring was marriage, thimbles a life of living solo, and coins were wealth.
If you were unmarried, you may be sent into the garden to pick the cabbage while blindfolded. Then the colcannon was made with that chosen cabbage, and a single ring was added. Whoever found the ring would be next to marry.
One legend tells of putting the first and last spoonful of colcannon into a sock and hanging it on the door. The first (single?) person to walk through that door would be their spouse.
›Whether you’re threatening to turn the car around or telling the kids not to kick the ball in the house for the hundredth time, motherhood means saying things you never thought you would. When we’re not dreading sounding like our own moms, some of the things we end up saying on a daily basis are actually pretty funny. We asked our readers and editors to share their daily mantras, and here’s what they had to say.
We Sound Like Our Moms
"Because I'm the mom, that's why!" –Tami R.
"Because I said so." –Kari S.
"I'll give you something to cry about." –Debbie H.
"Wait 'til your father gets home." –Tracey L.
"Watch your mouth young lady (man) or I’ll get the soap." –Linda M.
"When you pay the bills then you can....(insert whatever they want)..." –Julie J.
Clothing Not Optional
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"You need to wear underwear when people come over to the house!" –Kristen H.
"What happened to your pants?” or “where did your pants go?” –Keiko Z.
"Please put some pants on!" –Sara S.
"Why are you always naked!?!" –Laura L.
Because Kids Are Gross
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"How do those boogers taste?" –Gabby C.
"Do not lick mommie!" –Teri P.
"Who peed on the seat?!" –Kristi F.
"No, I don't want to wipe your butt for you." –Amber G.
"Use toilet paper! It's not optional!" –Bonnie C.
“Where are you planning to put that booger?” –Chinae G.
Rates of depression and anxiety disorders among young Americans have seen a fivefold to eightfold increase over the past five decades, mainly due to a dramatic decline in free play among kids over the same period, says an article on Psychology Today.
Now, most parents don’t allow their kids to participate in any form of free or risky play for fear of injury and abduction. While parents should supervise their children’s safety in both public and private playground settings, they should also understand that a scraped knee or elbow is part of the rite of growing up and learning to be resilient.
Participating in risky play helps develop important life skills, such as self-control, resilience, problem solving, and team coordination. So, here are some useful tips on how to introduce your kids to risky play.
Types of Risky Play for Kids As the term suggests, risky play often involves risk taking, but it allows kids to test their limits and gives them a sense of achievement upon successful completion of the play. According to a study published in the European Early Childhood Education Research Journal, risky play can be categorized into six main types:
1. Play with great heights, for instance, climbing a tree or any other tall structure
2. Play near dangerous elements, such as fire and deep bodies of water
3. Play with potentially harmful tools, such as knives, hammers, saws and bows and arrows
4. Disappearing, for instance, playing hide and seek
5. Rough‐and‐tumble play, for instance, games like wrestling or chasing one another
6. Play with high speed, such as skiing, bike riding, and playing with swings and slides
Tips to Introduce Your Kids to Risky Play
• Encourage kids to play outside: Inspire your kids to leave the safe indoor zone and let them play outdoor games. Even a quick walk across the nearby part or a visit to the neighborhood playground would be a great first step. Eventually, you want to let your kids get outside alone. You can watch them from a distance, but let them feel independent outside.
• Avoid negative words: Instead of telling your kids, “Don’t climb that tree,” or “Don’t run so fast,” consider using positive words and phrases, such as, “You should know the right technique for tree-climbing before you can attempt it,” or “Make sure you’re in full control of your body when running fast.” Negative phrases evoke negative emotions, such as fear and can scare away your kids from risky play altogether.
• Consider safety: It may sound counterintuitive, but you must ensure the safety of your children. To that end, assess the risk involved in a risky play before letting your kids participate in it. If, for instance, your kids want to participate in a game where they could get minor injuries, you should still allow them to play. But when the risks are major or life-threatening, then that’s a red signal.
• Give them enough time: One common mistake parents make is telling their kids to hurry up and finish a risky play within a certain amount of time. It doesn’t work that way for kids. Let your kids play at their pace. Give them the freedom to play the way they want to. Constantly giving instructions could do more harm than good. Simply get out of their way and provide guidance only when they ask for it.
Finally, let your kids decide what type of risky play they want to participate in. Experts suggest that different kids have a natural inclination to different types of risky play, and parents should listen to their children.
Chip and Jo fans, your time has come! After months of waiting, the Magnolia Network officially kicked off today. You can stream the Gaines’ curated collection of original series and inspiring content through the Magnolia app or on discovery+.
Fixer Upper fans will be stoked to find that the show is back! Fixer Upper: Welcome Home has all new renovations with the Gaines and it’s one of the cornerstones of the new network. Re-runs of previous seasons will also be readily available. You’ll also get to watch Magnolia Table, Joanna Gaines’ cooking show that features her signature humor and Southern classics.
Today’s the day! We are Magnolia Network, and we can’t wait for you to see these stories come to life. Stream on the Magnolia app or on @discoveryplus with your discovery+ subscription. #MagnoliaNetworkpic.twitter.com/S69VTGpm6o
Beyond the Gaines, you’ll be treated to a lineup of entirely new shows focused on home improvement and cooking. Restoration Road features Clint Harp, one of the carpenters on Fixer Upper, who’s traveling the country to renovate historical structures. On Homegrown, Jamila Norman helps turn family backyards into functional farms. And there’s a whole “Stories Worth Telling” section that tells true stories about remarkable humans.
All of the content is currently only available to stream for discovery+ subscribers. However, Magnolia Network is coming to cable TV! It’s slated to replace the old DIY Network in January 2022. No matter how you plan to watch, we can all agree that the Gaines make screentime that much better.
Authors’s Note: The following article is about miscarriage. Currently, many who suffer miscarriages suffer alone and those who do share their stories often aren’t met with the support they need. This is a PSA as a voice to help shift the societal norm of not talking about pregnancy loss as well as to offer tips for how others can support a grieving couple.
Miscarriage is unfair, terrible and painful.
It is one of those things that parents-to-be fear may happen to them. One of those things that unfortunately does occur to 1 in 4 women. And one of those things that is not talked about much, leading those going through it to feel mightily alone.
Miscarriage so often occurs that it is a common practice to avoid telling friends and loved ones about our pregnancies until after the 12-week mark, where the risk decreases significantly. The idea is that if we lose a baby in the early stages of pregnancy and have not told anyone yet, then we don’t have to go through the awkward and painful hassle of telling everyone that we are no longer pregnant. It sounds very practical. But, practical does not equal painless or healthy.
My concern about the common approach to pregnancy and pregnancy loss is that it has the potential to be even more painful. Often this grieving mama is left to suffer alone, retreating within, by not sharing about the miscarriage. There is this sense that sharing the news is “TMI” for others, too heavy, too personal, too negative. Or, if she does decide to share about it with her closest confidants, she is stressed about navigating how to broach the subject, which involves also telling them she was pregnant in the first place.
What’s more is that the accumulation of a society’s silent miscarriages leads many couples to feel alone in their loss. One of the best ways to process and heal from grief is to relate to others, feel their support and love, learn what helped them and express feelings. But, how can a mama find this from friends and family if she thinks she does not know anyone else who has gone through the same thing? The reality is, this mama most likely knows several women who have suffered, she just doesn’t know that she does.
This mama walks around, surrounded by others who have felt a similar pain, alone. She feels isolated in a sea of sisters. If only everyone had been open during their experience, she would have waves of support and love.
Another repercussion of the societal silence is that we aren’t practiced in how to offer help or support for a grieving mama. Don’t get me wrong, we try to do our best on the fly. We give sympathetic looks, we say “let me know if there anything I can do”, but we don’t know what to do and we move on, afraid of the uncomfortable conversation that is so often avoided.
In speaking with mom friends who have been there for a friend or who have suffered a miscarriage themselves, I have compiled a list of ways to support a grieving mama:
Ask her how she’s doing and let her know that it’s okay to mourn.
Don’t avoid the topic in fear of bringing up something that might make her sad. She already is sad. Show her you care. That said, if she doesn’t feel like talking after you’ve asked, respect that.
Give her a hug—like a real hug. Hug her tight. Let her cry if she needs to.
Make her something yummy to eat. It could be dinner, it could be dessert, it doesn’t matter. This not only shows love but saves her from having to plan and make food for herself when she might not have the drive to.
If she is already a mom, offer to watch her kids. Give her a chance to grieve without having to tend to other little people. It will give her the rare opportunity to be able to put her needs and feelings first.
If you feel close enough with the other parent or if your partner is, check in with them too. They may not have gone through the physical miscarriage, but they are still affected, hurt, sad and grieving too.
If you have been through a miscarriage and feel comfortable sharing about it, relate with this mama. Let her know you’ve been there. Tell her what was helpful to you.
Offer to do any of the above suggestions and see what resonates with her. Say “I want to help,” and tell her specifically the ways in which you can (such as the items above). Maybe she’ll pick what sounds best to her.
Lastly, if you are a friend or family member who is pregnant, please be thoughtful in the way you speak of your own pregnancy with or in front of this mama during this sensitive time.
I hope this societal norm shifts. I hope to see more families share about their pregnancy joys at the time that feels right to them and not just when miscarriage risk decreases. I hope the feelings of shame, embarrassment, isolation and fear that surround sharing about pregnancy loss fades. I hope mamas will look for and find solace and comfort in others should they need to.
And I hope we can learn how to be that solace and comfort in return.
I am a mom to two young kids, a licensed psychotherapist, and a children's book author. My passion is to help and empower moms and children to understand themselves better, navigate challenge confidently, and live the life they want. Visit me at ChristinaFurnival.com
