Remember, the kids are listening

Raising our kids in this day and age isn’t always easy, and what we say, both to our kids and to one another, really matters. Unintentional hurtful communication is a reality, but with time and a greater understanding of one another’s experiences, we can learn to communicate with sensitivity—especially when it comes to dismantling racism and promoting social justice in our communities. After polling members of a diverse social justice parenting network, we’re sharing 10 racist words and phrases that should be avoided as we try to manifest a more inclusive and fair society.

"I don't see color."

Iranian woman looking away
Soroush Karimi via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: Because we live in a society where people are targeted or denied opportunities because of the color of their skin, it can be insensitive to people of color’s experiences of injustice to make this kind of statement. Saying you don’t see color could be interpreted to mean that you are not aware of, or concerned by, the systemic bias that maintains disproportionate vulnerability for people of color in American society.

More importantly, as a society, we are striving for equity, not assimilation. Being different is not inherently negative; this is a false and divisive worldview. Just as in natural ecology, diversity makes our communities more resilient. We need to acknowledge that we do see differences in skin color but need to be careful not to consciously or unconsciously ascribe negative meaning to the colors that we see. 

How to better align our language with our intentions: Perhaps a more thoughtful alternative would be: “I try not to judge people by their skin color.” This is a solid approach because it signals that you are actively engaged in a process of learning and growth.

Referring to an Asian or Asian American person as “oriental.”

beautiful asian woman
Anthony Tran via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: As a term previously used to dehumanize people, “oriental” is a word that can evoke a racist history and make people feel disenfranchised. To understand this, we have to appreciate the origin and historical usage. Scholars, like Erika Lee, have noted that the word “oriental” was tied to anti-Asian sentiment, violence, and xenophobic legislation (such as lynching and the Chinese Exclusion Act) in the 19th and 20th centuries. In 2016, President Obama had the word “oriental” stricken from federal law.

How to better align our language with our intentions: “She looked to me like she could be of Asian descent.” This acknowledges the limitations in our ability to accurately determine anyone’s race but is a geographically and politically relevant attempt to describe someone.

"I am not racist; my best friend is Black."

Two women laughing
Liz Weddon via Unsplash

How this can be hurtful: This is a challenging statement because it compounds a denial of our existential need for growth with the myth of racial homogeneity. In general, there is always room to grow in our sensitivity and awareness; there is never a time that we should articulate our social position as so perfect that we are above reproach or education. 

Also, since your friendship with that person of color is probably not predicated on the sole premise of dismantling systemic racism, it is illogical to leverage that relationship in a conversation about racism. You don’t want to exploit and undermine your authentic friendships simply to justify an unwillingness to hear how your words or actions made someone else feel.

How to better align our language with our intentions: Be vulnerable enough to admit that you had not intended to be racist, but there are sometimes disconnections between our intentions and our actions. A more effective statement could be: “I have never been made aware that these actions/this language could be racist or hurtful.” 

Calling an Indigenous person an "Indian."

Calling an Indigenous person an Indian is a racist phrase
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How this can be hurtful: There is such a complex history and narrative with Indigenous Americans who are caught between dehumanizing exoticism and the false perceptions of exploiting government “hand-outs.” Any kind of explicit language, comments or questions reflecting either of these points of view can be problematic. However, it can also be subtly disempowering to call people by a name given to them by their colonizers, rather than using the names that they call themselves. 

According to a 1997 survey of Native American college and high school students, reported in Native Americas, more than 96% identified themselves with their specific indigenous nation, and only a little more than half of these youths identified themselves as American citizens. While most of us are not going to be able to discern between indigenous ethnic groups, we should be able to perceive the difference between a person descended from India (an Indian) and a Native person.*

How to better align our language with our intentions: “He is Indigenous” or “he is Native” are better options. Using this language at least acknowledges the connection between indigenous heritage and the land that comprises the United States of America.

*It is worth noting that native is a term that can be used pejoratively, but generically it means “first.”

“You are not really like other Mexican people” or “You don’t even seem Asian to us” or “You are not Black-Black.”

multi-racial group of teens together
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How this can be hurtful: Statements like these are making an exception of an individual within a racial group. These are especially hurtful because they are full of tangled racist nuances. In a single sentence like this, you are making several simultaneous assertions that you probably don’t intend:

  • You are expressing a biased or narrow view of a racial group.
  • You are saying that you accept this individual on the contingency that they do not align their behavior too closely with the stereotypes of their actual racial group.
  • You are attempting to establish yourself as the arbiter of someone else’s racial identity.
  • You are disenfranchising this person from the racial group to which they belong, leaving them without any true social “safe place.”

The person of color on the receiving end of this statement is stuck between a rock and a hard place. The options are either: (1) to reject this offer to assimilate and risk confrontation and fall out in real time or (2) to accept this contingent social proposition and cooperate in systemic racism by reinforcing stereotypes and validating narrow worldviews.

How to better align our language with our intentions: A better approach would be:  “I feel like we have a lot in common.” This signals that you are prioritizing the things that unite you over the things that divide you, which is a step towards humanity.

There are also phrases used daily that can be problematic. Here are some common expressions with racist origins:

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Gyped/Jipped: This term originated as a racially derogatory word for the nomadic Romani people who have been the target of unfounded accusations of theft.

Grandfathered In: This expression was introduced into our vernacular with the passing of the 15th Amendment. Once Black people were granted the right to vote, several states created prerequisites for voting. The “grandfather clause” exempted white people (who were lineal descendants of people who were allowed to vote before the federal legislation) from having to pass literacy tests or pay poll taxes to qualify to vote.

Moron: This word was submitted by eugenicist Henry Goddard to describe people of inferior genetic characteristics. In 1913, he and his staff classified 40% of Hungarians, Jews, and Italian immigrants as “moronic” and had them deported.

Long Time, No See: This expression is pidgin English, and it was originally used to mock the way Native Americans and/or Chinese people spoke English.

Peanut Gallery: This is a classist and arguably racist reference to describe the least expensive seating in theaters, which were often occupied by Black theater-goers.

 

Kids who respect different worldviews and love all kinds of different people are just two good things that come from being socially aware

Raising children who feel good about who they are, love all different kinds of people, and respect different worldviews is still not mainstream. The good news is that parenting is our greatest social activism because we can influence our children to be more socially aware and compassionate. We can expose them to different environments, cultures, and people, give them opportunities to learn in collaborative settings, and help them find opportunities to serve others. These things will help our children develop the soft skills that they need to be more successful in life and ultimately transform the culture of our society. Here are five specific reasons why being socially aware matters.

Kids who are socially aware will develop and display greater emotional intelligence

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A child who is trained to be socially aware can empathize with the perspectives of others, listen empathically and display vulnerability. These are the skills that comprise emotional intelligence. According to Salovey and Mayer (1990), emotional intelligence is a “set of skills that contribute to the accurate appraisal and expression of emotion in oneself and others, the effective regulation of emotion, and the use of feelings to motivate, plan, and achieve in one’s life.” Research suggests that emotional intelligence may be a greater predictor of success than IQ, so these skills are important to the growth and development of your children. Children who can imagine what others are going through will be better able to perceive, use, understand and manage emotions, which will ultimately serve them in learning and achieving their goals.

Kids who are socially aware will be better prepared to be leaders

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Being socially aware means that you understand how to react to different social scenarios, and you can adapt your interactions to achieve the best results in any situation.  A child who develops the sophistication to read people and situations will be able to gain friends, influence people, and motivate and inspire others. According to renowned executive coach, Maren Perry, it is great to have a strong understanding of your skills, values, and emotions and to be able to focus and manage your emotions, “However, outstanding leaders balance this self-focused drive with a healthy amount of empathy and organizational awareness to leverage others to accomplish more than they can alone.”

Related: 10 Ways Parents Can Fight for Social Justice Every Day

Kids who are socially aware will have greater self-awareness and self-acceptance

Jonathan Borba via Unsplash

According to the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, while self-awareness “involves looking inward to learn about yourself and understand yourself, social awareness is looking outward to learn about and appreciate others.” This is a reciprocal process of learning that involves understanding yourself and understanding others to greater and greater depths. A child will learn to appreciate their personality and individuality as they learn to authentically respect the experiences and perspectives of others. They will develop the ability to see themselves more clearly and evaluate themselves through introspection. Essentially, as a child learns to step outside of their own experience, they will learn how to be critically self-reflective as well.

Kids who are socially aware are more likely to practice gratitude

volunteering at a food bank is a great way to teach kids how to be grateful
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According to the Character Lab, gratitude is "appreciation of the benefits we receive from others and the desire to reciprocate." To be grateful, you need to be aware of the benefits you receive from others and understand how to reciprocate appropriately. Gratitude is a social and emotional learning skill that is built from in-person interactions, meaningful discussion, and reflection. 

Gratitude is associated with many positive outcomes including more satisfying social relationships and decreased distress and mental illness. There are four components to gratitude, as identified by UNC-Chapel Hill’s Raising Grateful Children Project:

  • Noticing: Did someone do something nice for you? Did someone give you something or take you somewhere fun?
  • Thinking: What are all the reasons you’re thankful for this? Why do you think someone did something nice for you? Does this mean something to you? 
  • Feeling: When you think about these special things or people, how do you feel?
  • Doing: What can you actively do to express your gratitude for this person, place, or thing? 

Social awareness supports a grateful attitude in children because they learn to be humble and appreciative as they consider the perspectives of others.

Related: 10 Words & Phrases You Might Not Know Are Racist

Kids who are socially aware can persevere and find greater purpose in life

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Finally, research has also shown that individuals with greater social awareness and higher emotional intelligence perform better on cognitive tasks and are better able to overcome frustration when faced with challenges performing these tasks. Perseverance comes from a growth mindset. A child who approaches learning with humility and open-mindedness is going to be more resilient in their processes. This combination of compassion and resilience will support children in finding and achieving greater purpose in their lives through strong relationships, flexibility of thought, and persistence toward their goals.

Photo: Devin Tomiak

It’s not rocket science. The people we open up to are the people we like. We share most freely with our spouse or our dearest friends or a trusted relative. Maybe we share with the Uber driver, but that’s probably because that Uber driver is a good listener. Or maybe he makes you laugh with a story about a previous passenger that wanted a ride to the grocery store at 2 a.m. to bowl watermelons down the aisles. When you find yourself opening up to tell that driver about your grandpa, who also loved to bowl, you’re not feeling judged. You’re not annoyed. You’re enjoying yourself. You open up because you like chatting with the dude.

Our kids are no different. When talking openly engages them, when it’s interesting and fun, and when they feel safe, they’re inclined to speak freely. When conversation feels like a chore, well then…who likes chores?

Sharing Is Caring.
Sharing about ourselves is an act of giving. Revealing personal information can make us uncomfortable and it’s often much easier not to share. There is vulnerability in opening up; we instinctually hold back if we feel unsafe or if it just doesn’t feel good.

And yet, no matter how fun, non-judgmental, and warm of a parent you are, it’s the order of nature—parents want to know, know, know. And there are times or phases in a child’s life that all they want to do is roll eyes and not share. The age-old saga. You ask and they gape. So how to get them gabbing when your parenty-ness and their kiddiness gets you in a quiet rut?

Give Your Kid the Power.
We all like to feel as if we’re “in the know.” Whether we’re sharing hard-won wisdom gleaned through lived experience, how to disguise kale in kid food, or juicy gossip, having information that others deem valuable makes us feel important. Try making your child feel like what they’ve got in that little head of theirs is valuable. Rather than “What did you do at school today?” try “Teach me something you learned today.” They’ve got stuff they can teach? Suddenly, they’re in charge, and with that comes the feeling that they’re “in the know” and perhaps the feeling that they’ll want to share.

The Spotlight Can Be Blinding.
Questions can make some kids feel like they’re on the spot. Try a simple rewording like “I was thinking about you on the playground today and I wonder who you played with.” It’s a subtle difference from “Who the heck did you play with at recess?” And yet it can change the flow of conversation. In addition, “Kids often open up more in the car, on a walk, or in the dark—all times when eye contact is limited,” says Dr. Laura Markham, Clinical Psychologist and author of three best-selling books on peaceful parenting.

Go First.
Let me tell you what I did today…You’re curious, right? When you tell your child about your day, and not just the dull “I went to work” kind of stuff, but the good, nitty-gritty interesting stuff, you grease the wheel for a good convo. Who doesn’t love a story about a co-worker dribbling mustard on his shirt at lunch? Plus, when you mention how you loaned him the spare shirt from your gym bag, you model kindness and preparedness for the kiddo. It might be an underhanded way of dropping some wisdom nuggets on the youngster, but there’s no lesson like a disguised lesson in the game of parenting.

Games. They’re Fun.
Two Truths and a Lie. The Would-You-Rather game. 20 Questions. Even a simple guessing game with hints. “Seems like you’re bummed out. I’ll bet you a lollipop I can guess why.”  Yes, your child may figure out what you’re up to. But bringing fun into a conversation could be all that’s needed to get your child chatty.

Ritualize.
However you shape it, be it Taco Tuesday or Sunday Funday, cement a time when you share. Some families share what they’re grateful for that week. Others do Rose Thorn Bud, discussing their best moment, their worst, and what they’re looking forward to. Add a special element to make the ritual unique (like ice cream sandwiches or a TV show your family loves) and the event will really be a show stopper.

Don’t Give Advice. It’s Annoying.
It’s hard to resist giving suggestions. Especially when kids are complaining. It’s our instinct as parents to want to fix things for our children. But according to Adele Faber, co-author of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, when parents try to talk kids out of what they’re feeling that’s the fastest way to get them to clam up. “Instead,” she suggests, “nod to let him know you’re actively listening, or say something neutral like, ‘Oh, that’s what’s bothering you.’ Or ‘Sounds as if that could be pretty upsetting.” This way you’re demonstrating to your child that you get it.

Drive Carpool.
Most likely if you find your child talking less to you, it’s because they’re talking more to their friends. This is completely developmentally appropriate. Still you don’t want teens or pre-teens going dark on you. Often kids start gabbing with their buddies and forget you’re there—giving you some fodder to follow up with them on later. All’s fair in love and parenting after all.

And If All Else Fails, Go Ahead and Butter ‘Em Up.
Do something out of the ordinary with your child that they will like. Take them out to breakfast and let them be late to school. Take them shopping for a new hat or dress or pair of kicks. Go on a bike ride. Build that LEGO hamster wheel your kid has been begging you to help with. Happy kids have loose lips.

This post originally appeared on The Biggies Conversation Cards Blog.

After losing a brother to suicide, Devin Tomiak was driven to understand youth resiliency. Her personal mission to strengthen her relationship with her children, develop their emotional intelligence, and improve the communication skills of her whole family led her to create The Biggies Conversation Cards for elementary-aged kids.

Dads often serve as the first male role models for their daughters, shaping a girl’s worldview of how men interact with those around them, how they process (or don’t process) their emotional selves, and how they show what they truly value. The things father figures do with their daughters are important, of course, but what’s arguably just as important are the things they say. We asked around and gathered 15 things every daughter should hear from her dad. Keep reading to see them all.

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1. You can grow up to be anything you want to be.
Despite all of the progress that has been made in breaking down social and economic barriers for women around the world, studies show that gender roles persist and continue to be established at a very early age for both girls and boys. Fathers can help to combat the straitjacketing effect of gender roles on girls by reminding our daughters that they can grow up to become whatever they set their minds on, even President of the United States.

2. It's okay to ask for help.
Studies have shown that most men don't want to or don't know how to ask for help because they've been taught it's a sign of weakness to need assistance. But, if you show that you aren't afraid to reach out for advice, knowledge or guidance, you'll be able to teach your daughter how to do the same.

Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

3. Your mother/father is my best friend.
Modeling a strong and positive relationship with your spouse directly affects the kinds of relationships that children pursue with their friends and peers now as well as later in life. Daughters with fathers who respect and cherish their spouses will mirror that behavior in the relationships that they have in their childhood and beyond.

4. Do what makes you happy.
Your daughter will see you go to work every day, follow your hobbies and passions. It's important that she knows life isn't just about how much money you make or how many winning teams you're on, but if you're happy while it's happening.

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5. I'm here for you, always.
Kids need to know that they can count on you, even when they're teenagers. You want your daughter to ask you about boys and other grown-up stuff because you've been there.

6. I’m sad.
Don’t be afraid to let your daughter know when you’re feeling down. Studies have shown a direct correlation between a parent’s ability to express emotion and a child’s social competence. A parent’s expression of positive emotion toward his child is generally associated with better social development for the child. Conversely, a parent’s negative emotional expression and poor social development can adversely impact the emotional and social development of a child.

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7. Let me tell you a secret.
Share a secret with your daughter. She’ll appreciate your candor and vulnerability. And maybe she’ll share a secret of her own with you.

8. Let’s play football.
As adults, we sometimes forget that play is an essential part of childhood. For dads, we can sometimes feel more comfortable rough-housing with our sons, but our daughters want to get in on the action, too. For fathers of daughters, there’s no reason why we can’t toss a football with our daughters.

Shopify Partners via Burst

9. Do you want ice cream for dinner?
Sometimes having ice cream for dinner is the right answer to any question.

10. What do you think?
When you ask your daughter for advice, you show that her opinion matters and that you respect her. Plus, you might be surprised by her answers and be able to look at a problem with a fresh perspective. 

Caroline Hernandez via Unsplash

11. I’m so grateful that I get to be your dad.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to forget to express gratitude. Letting our daughters know how lucky and proud we are to be their dad can remind them that we are there for them and that we don’t take our role for granted.

12. What do you want to do?
Ask your daughter what she wants to do on a father-daughter date. There are plenty of ideas to choose from

dad and tween daughter talking
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13. Never let anyone pressure you. 
Whether it's bullying another kid, breaking the rules, or being talked into doing something physical she doesn't want to do, daughters need to truly understand that she's got the power to say no and walk away at any time.

14. I am so proud of you. 
Kids need to hear that their parents are proud of their accomplishments, no matter how trivial it may seem.

15. I love you.
Tell your daughter that you love her every day. Tell her multiple times a day. Tell her even when she thinks it’s corny. Tell her because you do.

— Kipp Jarecke-Cheng with Gabby Cullen 

Featured image: iStock 

 

RELATED STORIES:

5 Things Not to Tell Your Daughter

Compliments You Need to Give Your Daughter

20 Things You Should Say to Your Kids Every Day

Photo: istock

It’s been over a week since the murder of George Floyd. Are you tired? I’ve seen a lot of you say that the weight of the nation is exhausting right now—the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the constant news updates. The fear that you’re going to say or do something wrong sits heavy on your chest. I ask you to sit with that weight, that exhaustion, that vulnerability. It’s so important to do so now more than ever. Why? Because that’s the weight that our black community has been carrying alone for decades. It’s time to carry that burden with them.

The way that you’re questioning every move you make, every word you say, is what POC have to do every day. Those little things build up. Do you text your friend the night before a job interview to ask them if you should straighten your hair because you’re afraid you won’t get the job if you wear it natural? Do you hide your bottle of water before you walk into a store because you’re afraid they’ll think you stole it? Have you ever had to talk to your kids about what to do if they ever get arrested? And those are just the small, everyday things. But they build up.

I’m probably in the minority when I say this, but now is the time for uplifting, hopeful messages. I’m seeing a lot of you say, “We need some goodness in our lives right now.” And while it’s good for everyone’s mental health to carve out some moments of peace for yourself, so that you can smile even just for a second, it’s important that we sit in the hurt, discomfort, and overwhelm right now. Why? Because if we don’t, then this fire that we all feel right now is just going to burn out. We’re going to go back to our everyday lives after a few days of posting meaningful quotes and this will just be another protest that goes nowhere. We owe it to the black community to feel uncomfortable right now.

So I encourage you to spend some time in the dark. In the hurt. In the pain. In the confusion. In the sadness. In the anger.

Natalie Fuertes is the owner of Industry Gymnastics, a gymnastics facility in NYC that focuses on creating a space that is welcoming to all children, regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual-orientation. She is a proud Nuyorican, racial justice advocate, wife, and mama of two. 

You don’t have to look very far (or for very long) before you see something on your news feed that amounts to mom-shaming. Yet, the more I read about mom-shaming posts going viral, the more I get a mix of emotions.

While I’m thankful there are people in the world who are reading between the lines and who urge others to stop judging parents, another part of me feels guilt and frustration because although I hate being mom-shamed, I do (shamefully and oftentimes unknowingly) partake in it myself. The more I read about mom-shaming, the more I remember that shamers are out there, “doin’ their thang.” And honestly, the less likely I am to share with other parents my stories, for fear of being perceived as THAT parent—a.k.a., the one who lacks proper judgment.

Mom shaming is not my problem, but a lack of esteem and community are. 

All parents will have preferences and many people with different preferences will take issue with any opinion on parenting that’s different from their opinion. My point isn’t to say mom-shaming is a good thing—but it exists and I’m not sure how effective “shaming the shamers” really is. How much can we combat mom shamers by telling them, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all?”

I’d like to think this works, but if someone is mom-shaming me either through their words, their glares or they’re pretending I’m not there, I’m certainly not going to rebut by saying, “please play nice.” Because how effective is it to mom shame…the mom shamers? “Listen here mom or regular person, you should be ashamed for shaming another mom.”

What should we do to combat mom-shaming, other than trying to shut shamers up? In more and more of the positive self-help books I dig into, it’s clear that one of the secrets to being great is learning to tune out the noise, to empower ourselves—to accept criticism when it leads to self-improvement and to leave behind the comments that are degrading. In Jen Sincero’s book, You Are a Badass, she proclaims that:

“Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team for lack of skill. Steven Spielberg, a high school dropout, was rejected from film school three times. Thomas Edison, who was dubbed too stupid to learn anything by a teacher, tried more than nine thousand experiments before successfully creating the light bulb.”

We as parents would benefit a great deal by building our own confidence in a world of nay-sayers. We would do the world a disservice by listening to bad-talkers. The world needs our diversity, our amplified voices, and opinions and we need to repel negative comments directed at our parenting st‌yles in order to keep doing what we believe is best for our children.

We moms empower mom shamers by listening to them, prioritizing them, and by internalizing their negativity. So, while building our own sense of self can help us achieve a greater sense of clarity and esteem in our own parenting choices, how do we help build up other parents too, instead of shame them (back to basics here: two wrongs don’t make a right)?

Here are some ideas to build a community of confident parents who embrace their differences: invite other parents/kids for a tea and play-date. Be a community. Compliment and look for the good in them and help them shake off negative comments and articulate feedback in a way that is geared towards their betterment, not their destruction. Seems pretty simple, yet it takes perseverance and dedication.

To recap: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a theme presented by many successful life coaches and urges people to stop letting others’ negative, harmful opinions influence us or prevent us from achieving greatness. As a parent, a parent-professional and a leader: we parents are leaders. Moms and dads need to embrace this, too. Taking the wisdom of author Brené Brown, a vulnerability and shame researcher: if you want to combat the negative effects of mom-shaming in others as well, allow others to be vulnerable with you and help them see their inner hero.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

We’re interviewing Power Parents who in our opinion, are killing it. From the board room to the changing room, these moms are filling us in on everyday life of how they juggle it all.

Today we chat with Maria Dueñas Jacobs, formerly at Elle and Stitchfix, this mom of 3 left her day job to start a kids jewelry line that has taken off! Read below her favorites picks for holiday and what it’s like launching a business right before a pandemic.

 

Congratulations on the success of Super Smalls! What was your vision you had in mind when starting this company? 

Super Smalls came directly from an organic collaboration between me and my then 5-year old daughter. We set out to create something that we couldn’t find on the market, something as awe striking and design centric as the grown up stuff I collected. For me personally, I had a very simple vision and it was to “wow” my own daughter. I wanted to make things that she chose to play with above anything else and that would help set her imagination free. We are big into storytelling, pretend play and wonder. I wanted Super Smalls to be part of the tools that unlock more magic in my daughters’ lives. 

As a busy entrepreneur and mother of 3 (including a set of twins), how do you juggle all of your roles in a day? 

I think the word juggling is a misnomer. It makes us feel like we always have to be doing everything at once and sure that happens, often, but I’ve also worked particularly hard to allow myself space to sometimes focus on just one thing at a time.  I once heard a podcast where Shonda Rhymes describes the value of ‘just playing’ with her kids- which was extremely hard given HER busy schedule. It stuck with me because sometimes it really is about the quality over the quantity. I try to put my phone down for chunks of  time so I can surround myself with my girls and really dive into their world, their game, and immerse myself in whatever we are doing together- it’s not a long time, but it makes me feel really connected to them. It also gives me real insight into kids and their imagination which is at the center of the things we make at Super Smalls

I also recognize that I am able to carve out these special times because I have help at home. That help also allows me to schedule important calls and work sessions that fuel our business.  I guess the balance comes from a deliberate intention and organization, but also very honestly, through help. 

What is the biggest thing being a mother of twins has taught you? 

It’s like the meme says “You can’t make everyone happy all of the time- you aren’t a jar of Nutella.“

How has Covid affected being a small business owner? 

Covid has been one looooong fire drill. We have had to do more with less and learn to collaborate at a distance. As a super small business, we work with many independent contractors. We have on-boarded and met many new people all virtually. It’s been a labor of love for sure, but also a leap of faith. Connecting with people and expressing ourselves all while distanced, is a new challenge and it has honed many skills for me as a leader. I have dug pretty deep to become a more effective communicator and to emote care and consideration over a screen. This is a place where my kids,  also undergoing distanced learning, once again, showed me anything is possible if you really, really try.

If you could, what would you go back and tell your younger self about parenting? 

I’d tell myself to expect a little turbulence, and expect vulnerability and insecurity because it comes with the joy and the job. If I could I would also tell myself I’m a good mom and that I will be a positive example for my daughters. I’d tell myself that they will enjoy my company and also drive me crazy but that it’s only normal!

You were the accessories editor at Elle, what is your favorite piece of jewelry you’ve ever worn?

My Monica Rich Kosann quadruple locket that has my girls + husband’s picture in it . My girls love to look at it and have all placed dibs on it when they are older!


Being a mom of girls and a business owner in the fashion industry- what are you top 5 must-haves that need to be on a little kid’s holiday list? 

For starters, LOTS of Super Smalls :) but here are some of my girls favorite gifts ever….

1

Mermaid Pool Party

This set was dreamt up by Luna (my then 6 year old)! She was specific that it should be stretchy so she can take it off and on herself, be waterproof (because mermaids swim, duh) and lastly it should have magical powers (this I can not confirm or deny). All three of my daughters where this necklace everyday and take it off only right before bed!

$49 BUY NOW

2

Garden Party Set

This is a personal favorite of mine because it’s just the sweetest little set and if any of these were real pearls/gems I would be wearing and cherishing them as a grown up!

$27 BUY NOW

3

Power Lunch Ring Set

This is the first set I ever designed for Super Smalls and till this day a top seller! It has some major wow-power and makes the perfect stocking stuffer!

27 BUY NOW

4

Symphony Books

A set of these books were gifted to us and we all adore them. They are beautiful, calming and a great way to intro kids to classical music.

$15.99 BUY NOW

5

Kitty LED Nightlight

Before launching Super Smalls (now everyone gets gifted Super Smalls from my family when they have a bday!) this little light was my go-to gift for bdays. It’s so cute and likeable!

$16.99 BUY NOW

 

 

 

We’re interviewing Power Parents who in our opinion, are killing it. From the board room to the changing room, these moms are filling us in on everyday life of how they juggle it all.

Today we’re interviewing Lindsey Broad – actress, funny woman, and now boy mom to two adorable towheaded boys. You might recognize her as the most hated women on The Office as Cathy Simms or the cute bartender in In The Dark. When she’s not on your TV she plays the leading role of mom to her two boys.

We all know you from your roll on The Office as Cathy Simms but scrolling your IG today it looks like you’re in full-on mom mode. 

What is life like for you these days?
Life is intense, to say the least. After months of being quarantined in a New York City apartment with a highly active baby and lonely toddler (no extended family with large country homes over here), we impulse-purchased a house outside of the city. The house needs a lot of work and moving with kids is INTENSE. I’m hoping to be unpacked by the time my youngest is in kindergarten. Not to mention, production is starting again (phew!), which means that I both have to travel/quarantine for work and tape auditions in my basement at midnight.

What was it like being on The Office?
Wild! Amazing! Intimidating! I was a huge fan of the show and it was very very surreal to be on that set. Everyone was very kind and smart and funny and I am very happy to have been a small part of something so iconic. Also, I was the newest person, which meant I was the first person in the makeup trailer every morning, and my “desk” was in the background of the “talking heads,” which meant I had to stay while they taped those at the end of the day. So, long days! Glad I did it before I had little ones.

You played Pam’s replacement on maternity leave that Pam swore was the ‘Apple of Jim’s eye’ what was the role like?
In retrospect, she was what we now call “basic.”

Are you still the most hated person on TV?
No, because thankfully Donald Trump gets a lot of airtime.

How has being a mom changed your career?

In a ton of ways. I had a hard time balancing after my eldest was born because I felt such an identity shift and it took a little time to recalibrate. It makes it much more of a job: I shot a show in Canada the last couple of years, and I was always prioritizing getting in and out as quickly as possible. It often meant little sleep and maybe a little less focus.

We saw you took your youngest son Harry onset of “In The Dark” when he was super young. What was that like?
BONKERS. He was 4 weeks old when I started and film hours are insane – constantly changing call times and LONG days. He wouldn’t sleep at all in the hotel (he was sleeping in a Snoo at home), so I would just basically stay up all night, nursing constantly, trying my best not to pass out with him in the cushy hotel bed, and then roll into work with a baby-sitter who would meet me at my hotel in the wee hours of the morning. Thank heavens for concealer! It turned out my milk had excess lipase, so everything I pumped in the first month was trash and I just had the sitter bring him to me to nurse between takes. It was wild, to say the least. Full adrenaline mode.

You’ve been in Gossip Girl, 21 Jump Street – Which character did you identify with the most?

I played Karen on an IFC/Netflix series called Benders and she was a super smart and cool mom and it was a really weird and specific show that I thought nicely captured marriage. Chelsea on In the Dark was written for me, and I think she sounds a lot like me and I really identify with her vulnerability.

You are two super cute boys. What’s your favorite thing about being a mom?

I love sharing the things I enjoy with my kids. I’m super hands-on and basically love every single aspect of it, aside from feeding my picky 3.5 year old!

 

 


What’s the one parenting product you couldn’t survive without?

I want to preface this by saying that these are both bougie luxury items, but the cost-per-use made them so totally worth it.

1

Doona Car Seat & Stroller

Allows you to move from car seat to stroller in seconds.

$499.99 BUY NOW

For my eldest, it was the Doona carseat/stroller. I used it everywhere: planes, cabs, restaurants, the subway. It’s tiny and fits great at a restaurant table, it was so easy at the airport, and I never got stuck in an Uber without a carseat.

 

2

Artipoppe Zeitgeist Baby Carrier

The chicest baby carrier on the street.

379.00 BUY NOW

For my second, it was the Artipoppe carrier. So nice and soft and comfortable! I used it from the day I brought Harry home from the hospital and nursed in it all day long for months - just stuck my boob in his mouth and went about my day. Plus, it made me feel cute!

 

October 11 is International Day of the Girl, a day dedicated to raising awareness of the need for girls’ rights. It’s also the perfect opportunity to teach your kids —boys and girls—about the importance of gender equality and girls’ rights around the world. Not sure how to show your girl power? Plan International USA made it easy for your family to support girls worldwide with its Girl Unlocked Campaign.

Plan International USA is a nonprofit organization that strives to advance children’s rights and equality for girls. They do this by engaging people and communities to make vital changes and tackle the root causes of discrimination against girls, exclusion and vulnerability. This year’s International Day of the Girl is more important than ever with a global pandemic affecting girls in so many ways.

Plan International USA wants your family show support for girls and young women as they push through doors and unlock their power and potential by decorating your front door in honor of International Day of the Girl. Participating is super easy. Here’s what you do!

1. Decorate your front door with equal signs and bold messages about gender equality. Think images of strong women, hearts, stars—anything that showcases messages and symbols of equity and girl empowerment. You can get as colorful and creative as you want and can find some ideas here!

2. While you decorate, use this opportunity to talk to your kids about equality, girls’ rights and empowerment.

3. Work on this fun activity anytime!

4. Share a photo of your front door on social media along with the hashtag #GirlUnlocked and tag @PlanUSA on Facebook and Twitter, and @Plan_USA on Instagram. In your post, include a brief message in your post about your family’s hopes for the next generation of girls.

This project is an awesome way for families to come together—in a pandemic-friendly way—and express their creativity through messages of girl power and equality to support girls around the world.

Plan International USA also hosted more activities in support of the International Day of the Girl, including their signature Girl Takeovers, where girls assume leadership roles in major corporations, governments, and nonprofits for the day, and female-led online workshops. You can check out the ​Freedom Online​ Report, sign a letter to make sure girls’ voices are heard, and visit the Unlock the Vote hub to learn about important girls’ rights issues before Election Day and how Plan has joined forces with theSkimm to help drive voting and bring attention to key issues.

Join in supporting Girl Unlocked today and share your creation using #GirlUnlocked! Learn more about Plan International USA.

—Leah R. Singer