So we’re home now, for the most part, and trying to get stuff done with our significant others, kidlets, and even pets demanding attention. If you’re like me, you might be feeling some mom guilt and trying to do Pinterest-worthy supermom activities to keep your kids entertained. It was always frustrating, when my daughter was younger, to spend an hour setting up some fantastic art project or activity (cookie decorating anyone?) only to have my kidlet spend approximately 3.5 minutes doing the fun thing before losing interest. And now we’re supposed to keep our children on-task long enough to do “school?”

So how do teachers do it? I’ve been lucky enough in my career to get to watch some masterful teachers and discover a few tips for keeping kids engaged.

In their book “How to Help Children with Common Problems,” Child Psychologists Charles Schaefer and Howard Millman noted that the first thing to remember is that a child’s attention span is about two to five minutes for every year old they are. Your typical elementary student has maybe 20 minutes of focus they can spend before they get distracted. This isn’t something they can control, either. Your ability to attend is dependent on the amount of myelination your neurons have. Kids are growing that myelin over time so attention is highly individual and also dependent on personality, environment, history, and physiological state. But there are some things you can do to optimize the amount of time your child can pay attention.

1. Establish Routines. This is the single most important thing you can do. Kids love love love routines. The magic is in knowing what’s next. Ever had a movie or book your child wanted to hear over and over and over? It could be that the content is excellent, but it’s more likely that your child gets a lot of comfort from the repetition. It lets them see the world as predictable and safe. Teachers know this and post classroom schedules on the wall or the board where everyone can see. If possible, make a down-to-the-minute schedule, keeping in mind how long your child’s attention is, and stick to it every day.

2. Keep Instructions Short. Following a list of instructions is actually a fairly sophisticated activity. You have to listen, pay attention to what’s being said, put those words into your short term memory, and recall them after some time goes by. Expecting our kidlets to hold on to three or four or eight different tasks while they’re also trying to get stuff done really isn’t reasonable. If your child can read, they’ll be much more successful if you write the tasks down. If your child is younger, give them one or two directions at a time and have them come back to you for more.

3. Moderate Your Volume. It’s usually less difficult when you’re trying to get the attention of a handful of kids (or fewer) than when you’re trying to corral a whole classroom of 30, but getting any number of kids to listen is sometimes a challenge. Something we know from decades of physiological research into attention is that people, no matter what age, are more interested in things that are novel. Think about what that might mean for your own voice giving instructions to your own children. How often have they experienced that? Probably enough to strip your voice of any iota of novelty. You don’t need to have a repertoire of celebrity impersonations at the ready (although that would be fun), you can get more attention by whispering or singing or changing your timbre than you might expect.

 

Hilary Scharton is the VP of Innovation, Instructure Canvas, the open online learning management system (LMS) that makes teaching and learning easier. 

There are numerous behavior systems and methods of parenting out there—just take a peek at Pinterest under “Parenting.” While these long-term systems and techniques generally provide some manner of relief in the long-run, sometimes you just need an in-the-trenches, how-the-heck-do-I-handle-this-right-now solution. Here are five tried-and-true methods for stopping that behavior in its tracks.

1. The Whisper. Tired of yelling, especially when nobody is listening?

How it works: Instead of yelling your next instruction or correction, try whispering it. You’ll have to get in their space and on their level to make this one work—which is part of the reason why it works so well. That momentary connection is sometimes all it takes.

Remind them that if they want to say something back, they’re in a whisper-only zone. Before you know it, those grumps will change right into giggles.

2. The Secret Code. The no-nag, embarrassment-proof method to calm.

How it works: When everyone is in a good mood, have a discussion about a secret word that you can say when a behavior needs to be changed. This way, instead of nagging, all you have to do is say the secret code word when behavior is starting to go astray.

This works especially well for kids who don’t do well with being called out in front of peers (#everyone), anxious kiddos, and for behaviors that aren’t necessarily on purpose (maybe you notice someone has hurt feelings, but nobody else has noticed). It also teaches kids self-reflection, as they are the ones who have to identify the behavior that needs stopping.

3. The Show Them Where You Need Them. This works best for visual learners.

How it works: Kids are in loud, hyped-up scenarios all.the.time. Telling a kid they are being loud doesn’t necessarily mean anything to them. Try showing them with your hands. Raising your hands above your head, say “you are up here,” then lower your hands to shoulder, chest or hip level and say “and I need you down here.” This is a visual reminder of exactly how loud they are being, and how much quieter you need them.

Full disclosure: I stole this one from our foster care case manager/trainer. Thanks, Aaron!

4. The Interrogation. So many needs, so little time.

How it works: Remember that last time you were hangry in a work meeting, and every idea seemed awful, or every comment seemed critical? That happens to kids on the regular. The next time they are acting up, try asking a series of rapid-fire questions.

“Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Are you tired? Do you need something?”

Usually they get annoyed and say no to everything…until they stop themselves and say “yes! I AM hungry.” Talk about that poor behavior over a snack, once everyone is feeling a little less monstrous.

5. The Countdown. This isn’t your Grandma’s counting to three.

How it works: Start at twenty and count down toward zero. If they get to zero, they get a consequence.

Counting is a cue that an unwanted behavior needs to stop. But it puts kids in control in a small, simple way. They decide when to stop. It’s a tiny risk-reward scenario (i.e. Can I stop before mom gets to zero? What if I don’t?) that happens each and every time you count. Even more importantly, it gives the counter something to focus on other than the behavior. Remember that technique of counting to ten when you’re mad? It’s built-in!

Note: if hours have passed since the last countdown, go ahead and start back at twenty. But if it is a series of events in rapid succession, pick up right where you left off, whether 13, 9 or 2. They have less than twenty seconds, but it signals to them that the behavior is continuing, and they aren’t doing a good job addressing it.

Eileen Manes is a writer for kids, a five-going-on-fifteen-year-old wrangler, a reader, a Lego aficionado and a fuzzy puppy lover. If she's not reading, writing or revising, you'll find her procrastinating by redesigning her blog (or living room), hiking or Zumba-ing. But definitely not doing laundry. 

It was another typical sleepless night of tossing and turning, unable to shut off my brain after a long day of work and managing all that comes with four active boys. I picked up my phone and searched “insomnia” on YouTube and came across a few meditations and hypnosis videos, popped my earbuds in and shut my eyes. 

Meh. Not helping.

I did another search of “relaxation” and found a video of a young blonde woman entitled “sleepy time soft sounds massage” so I clicked…with hesitation, because I was unsure of what I was about to hear.

At first, I was horrified that I may have clicked on some kind of somehow-safe-for-YouTube-porn, but after viewing for a bit there was nothing sexual. Just a lovely young woman with a Russian accent whispering that she was going to brush my hair and help me get to sleep. Slightly creeped out, but desperate for some shut-eye, I closed my eyes, listened and fell asleep within minutes. Success!

The next day, I had images of my husband busting into the room showing me our internet history thinking our boys had stumbled into something they shouldn’t, only to embarrassingly admit that I was the culprit. Yes, I was the one listening to a hot Russian woman pretend to brush my hair and help me have “head tingles” to relax.

Obviously, that didn’t happen—but I wouldn’t have cared anyway because it worked. I was quickly lulled to sleep by her gentle and reassuring voice. I was hooked.

What I had stumbled across was a hugely popular, but still very underground, phenomenon called ASMR—short for “autonomous sensory meridian response.”I noticed that this one ASMR YouTuber’s channel had over a million and a half subscribers and 10 million views of this one video alone. Maybe the subscribers were mostly creepy guys, but I had to figure it was more than that. 

I scanned the comments on the video and yes there were some guys, but most were regular folks suffering from stress and insomnia. I was surprised to find moms like me thanking her for allowing them to rest and for giving them a mental and emotional break. Some were coping with depression and anxiety through the videos, others would listen while undergoing treatments for cancer. I was still seized with thoughts of whether this was all kosher but nothing I saw or heard was “off” in any way.

It reminded me of years ago in when a man came to repair one of the typewriters in my high school typing class (yes, typing class). I was supposed to be doing my drills on the typewriter but found myself completely mesmerized by his thymic movements, tinkering with his tools repairing the machine in front of me that I just stopped typing and my head started to tingle, my body went limp and I just wanted to zone out.

It took every effort not to lean forward and say to him, “Can you just stay there all day and just keep doing what you’re doing because it I’m completely relaxed which is no small feat.”

Was I a total weirdo? Not really.

Many of us have had this sensation at least once and it can be triggered by a variety of things. For some it can be triggered by tapping or any repetitive movement or sound. It often happens to me when I’m sitting in church and there’s someone knitting near me. The rhythmic and repetitive tapping and clicking of the knitting needles and twisting and looping of yarn zones me right out and relaxation sets in.

For someone who just cannot shut off my brain or my body, it’s a much-needed break for my poor overworked nervous system. Isn’t every mom’s nervous system shot like mine at least on some level?

I’ve now become an ASMR aficionado and have my favorite go-to ASMR YouTubers. Instead of dreading bedtime and another night of catastrophizing about my kids, job and life, I look forward to a new ASMR adventure in relaxation. There’s no need for a trip to the spa when I can simply put on my headphones, close my eyes and just tune out.

Some videos last an hour or more, others mere minutes—so when my six-year-old and 16-year-old twins are battling it out in the living room, I can pop in my earbuds to hear someone whispering calm words or using a gentle rain stick and I can feel my blood pressure falling like the raindrop sounds on the video.

Of course, I’m usually sawing logs before it’s even over but that was the point in the first place. And it’s not like my kids would let me just pass out for a few minutes like that, anyway. That’s alright—I know I’ve got a good night’s sleep waiting for me once they’re in bed.

Laura Richards is a writer and mother of four boys including a set of identical twins. She has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Woman's Day, Martha Stewart Living, Reader's Digest and many more.

Photo: Today

Let’s face it– we LOVE wine. And what other goody do we have an infatuation for? Candy. With that in mind, the glorious folks over at Sugarfina teamed up with wine brand Whispering Angel to develop rosé-infused gummy bears.

These treats are becoming so popular, that they were sold out in the first two hours after launching. But don’t worry, the Sugarfina team says they will restock soon.

So what do the gummies taste like? According to Today, it’s lightly fruity, sweet and tangy, nicely balanced and surprisingly truly have the flavor of the Whispering Angel rosé wine that they’re made with. While all that sounds delish, you will not get buzzed from the rosé since the alcohol is burned off the in the cooking process. This means ya might need to share with the kiddos.

Photo: Today

Are you down for the rosé-infused gummy bears? Let us know in the comments below!

H/T: Today

You know that one of the best things about this city is that no matter how long you’ve lived here, it can still surprise you. Your kids think they’ve seen it all? Try taking them to one of these undercover, out of the way, or hiding-in-plain-sight destinations. Some are old, some are new — but all are super cool in one way or another. Plus: they’re either cheap or just plain free to experience.

Burger Joint at Le Parker Meridien

Perfectly acceptable as a destination in and of itself, or a genius lunch option before or after a Midtown excursion, Burger Joint has a lot of things going for it: it’s unexpected and incongruous, it’s literally sort of hidden and it serves delicious grub. Stroll into the lobby of the swank Le Parker Meridien and look for the neon burger. Follow the sign’s red arrow around the corner and you’ll find yourself in an old school, grungy-in-the-best-way (and likely fairly packed) restaurant. The name pretty much says it all, but tasty burgers and fries are the fare here, and you can also get a milkshake or a beer if you’re so moved. Posters for movies and television shows and lots of graffiti from past patrons cover the walls, and the crowds (expect to wait to order at the counter and perhaps for a table) are part of the experience.

119 W. 56th St.
Midtown West
212-708-7414
Online: parkermeridien.com

photo: via Joe Loong on Flickr

The New York Earth Room

Sure, The New York Earth Room might elicit the reaction of, “That was weird”, but it’s also an experience the kids likely won’t forget any time soon, precisely for that reason. Yet another offbeat find secreted away in a tony New York neighborhood (this time, Soho) The New York Earth room is actually an art installation created for the Dia Art Foundation by Minimalist and Land artist Walter De Maria. It is, as the title implies, a room full of earth — AKA dirt. Lots of it. (The raw numbers: 280,000 pounds, covering 3,600 square feet, and measuring 22 inches high.) The good news is, visitors can’t actually touch the dirt, so you don’t need t worry about kids leaving covered in soil. Adding to the impressive nature of the piece is that it is located on the second floor of its Wooster Street home. Wild and wacky, the installation is a great way to show kids that art isn’t necessarily always painted and in a frame, and to pose the question of: what makes something “art” anyway? (Not sold on the idea? There’s no risk to check it out: it’s free.)

141 Wooster St., Bell 2B
Soho
212-989-5566
Online: www.diaart.org

photo: Mark W. via Yelp

The Whispering Gallery at Grand Central Terminal

Don’t ask us to explain the exact physics of it all (parabolics?) we just know it’s cool. Located on the dining concourse level of Grand Central Terminal just outside the famed Oyster Bar & Restaurant, The Whispering Gallery is an architectural feature that would be right a home in a spy novel or romance story, enabling someone to hear a whisper from all the way across the bustling passageway. To experience the phenomenon in action, one person should stand facing one corner of the space, while another stands facing the opposite diagonal corner. When one person speaks in a normal tone, they can be heard by the other with no problem at all. (Of course, this makes The Whispering Gallery a popular place for marriage proposals, but you could also employ it to tell someone they’re going to Disneyland or getting that new scooter they’ve been eyeing.) In the spring, head to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden to try out the Osborne Garden “Whispering Benches” which, thanks to similar properties, also support covert conversations.

Grand Central Terminal
89 E. 42nd St.
(212) 340-2583
Online: grandcentralterminal.com

photo: Markus N. via Yelp


The Elevated Acre

Next time you and the family are tooling around the Financial District and feeling overwhelmed by the urban jungle, head to 55 Water Street. Hop on the escalators for a quick ride and emerge in a hidden oasis of greenery and calm among the skyscrapers. The Elevated Acre is a popular spot for the area’s office workers looking for a peaceful spot to lunch, but it’s also a place for picnics, lawn games, and general maxing and relaxing. The cushy AstroTurf ensures the “lawn” is a verdant green at all times, and plantings of hydrangea and annual flowers add color. The out of the way gem also provides great views of the East River, Brooklyn Bridge and more. Yet another reason to visit this urban park?: You’ll find electrical outlets under some of the benches, so if your phone needs a charge, you can plug in and chill out here.

55 Water St.
Financial District
212-963-7027
Online: 55water.com

photo: via Brian Jin M. on Yelp

The abandoned City Hall subway stop

All it takes is a swipe of a Metrocard to go back in time and see some of the glory of old New York. Originally the starting point of the city’s first subway line, the City Hall station, built in 1904, is considered one of the finest ever created in the system. Its features include stained glass skylights, brass lamps, arches of  colored Guastavino tiles and an elegant curving tunnel, the last of which is responsible for the stop’s closure — it couldn’t accommodate the new, longer trains introduced in 1945. To see the abandoned station, hop on the southbound 6 train and stay on it at the Brooklyn Bridge stop, the “end of the line.” The train will then make a turnaround to head back uptown, and that’s when you can catch a glimpse of the past. If you want to actually walk the platform, the Transit Museum offers tours for members.

Online: web.mta.info

photo: via Salim Virgi on Flickr

58 Joralemon Street

Do we think this merits a trip on its own? Probably not. But it’s a worthy diversion on a day that includes a trip to Brooklyn Bridge Park or the Brooklyn Heights Promenade. Yet another “hidden” structure from those sneaky folks at the MTA, this nondescript Greek revival townhouse does its best to deflect attention. But the building has a few “tells”, the most noticeable (and suspicious) is that its facade contains no windows — just glass backed by ominous, black rectangles. (The door’s keyhole is not the standard domestic hardware, either.) Surprise: it’s not a house at all, but a disguised subway evacuation tunnel and ventilator.

58 Joralemon St., between Willow and Hicks St.
Online: google.com/maps

photo: via ambient on Flickr 

Do you have a favorite secret spot in NYC? Share it with us in the comments below!

—Mimi O’Connor