ML Interest Tag: worry-monster

Why Parents Need to Schedule Their Own Worry Time

By Sally Baird

Last year I wrote a popular article on using scheduled “Worry Time” to help shrink kid’s anxiety. One common response was that parents need their own “Worry Time” too. “We are as stressed as our kids!” wrote one mom. And I agree. Therefore, this article is for all parents who want to have less worry and more fun.

There are hundreds of reasons parents get stressed. Too many expectations of self, too much food, altered routines, visits with relatives, and money concerns are just a few of the stressors. And you probably have kids who are needier than usual, partly because they pick up on their parents’ levels of worry.

The most useful and best researched anti-worry techniques come from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). These strategies include talking back to the worry, holding the worry in a box, and scheduling worry time. The last two techniques are best understood as containing the worry.

Containing Worry

Imagine an immature dandelion flower. The seeds are contained in the seed head and do not scatter. Now imagine a fully mature dandelion seed head which is round, white, and fluffy with parachute-like seeds. The slightest wind will scatter the seeds everywhere—all over the yard, next door, and down the street. Soon there are hundreds of dandelions coming up. If only you could contain those dandelion seed before they spread.

Now imagine those seeds are your worries. You can’t contain a field of mature dandelion seeds, but you can contain your worries (which makes them more manageable). Excellent techniques include naming the worries and then containing them in time or space. These very effective strategies are widely used for both kids and adults. This article is about containing worries in time for adults (parents). Containing worries in space for adults will be the subject of another article.

Steps for Scheduled Worry Time: The Parent Version

The steps for scheduling “Worry Time” with kids is outlined in my previous article. The steps include scheduling the worry, explaining the worry to the child, using the One Rule, and what to do when it isn’t worry time. These same steps can be adapted and be as effective for parents.

Step One: Schedule Worry

Do you have trouble giving yourself any “Me Time”? Of course you do! Yet, this is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself and your family. In order for this to work, you have to pick a time that is just for you and then take it! The amount of time could be from 20 to 60 minutes for you to sit quietly and be undisturbed. Some people actually sit in their car, go to a library, wait until everyone is in bed, or ask their spouse to “contain” the kids.

Set a timer for how much time you have given yourself. Then focus only on your worries during that time. Write about them in a journal or draw them in an art book. You are not to worry whether your writing or art is good quality. No one will see it but you and you are just using the paper medium to get the worries out of your head and onto paper. When the timer goes off, put away your tools and resume your life. Your worries are now safely contained on the paper.

Step Two: Understand What You are Doing

Just like explaining “Worry Time” to your children, you need to understand what you are doing. You are giving yourself time to control your worries by putting them down on paper through words or art. You may wonder whether bringing up all these worries will only make things worse. The answer is no. You are taking charge of the worries by naming them, getting them out of your head, and then not thinking about them after the timer goes off.

Step Three: The One Rule

There is only one very big rule with “Worry Time.” When it is not “Worry Time,” you will work very hard to push your worry thoughts away. You may not talk to your family and friends about your worries (within reason). Instead you need to distract yourself with other things. Ask yourself whether worrying 24/7 really accomplishes anything. And remind yourself that you can focus on your worries during your scheduled time.

Step Four: What to Do When It Isn’t Worry Time

Now you need to think of other things to do when it isn’t scheduled Worry Time. Here are some ideas:

  • Write or draw the worry and put the paper into a jar
  • Imagine putting the worry in a safe and locking it up
  • Exercise
  • Call a friend (you may not talk about your worries)
  • Read a book or go to a movie
  • Do something fun

The important part is that you try not think of your worries during the 23 or so hours you are taking off from worrying. You can tell yourself that you will return to “Worry Time” the next day.

Some adults find they need to schedule two “Worry Times” per day as they begin. Soon they may find they can space out the “Worry Time” to once a day. Hopefully you will get to the point where you don’t have that many worries to write down. That’s good news. Then you can change the “Worry Time” to “Me Time” and just think about what you want to do with your new time. If your worries do not get better, do not hesitate to get professional help.

That’s it! If you can provide “Worry Time” for your kids, you certainly can provide it for yourself. Give yourself this gift of containing your worries this year. Your family will thank-you.

Sally Baird, PhD, is a retired child psychologist and co-author of the book Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid’s Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. See her website and blog at http://www.drsallyb.com. She is available for zoom events about anxiety, sleep, and children throughout the year.

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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How Scheduling “Worry Time” Can Help Combat Anxiety in Kids

By Sally Baird

Childhood worry seems to be rising as rapidly as COVID-19 cases. More and more children are acting fearful, having trouble sleeping, doing poorly in school, and showing physical symptoms. Does this sound like your child? What if you have you tried everything, but your child is still anxious? What if you already made the Worry Box as described in this article on Tinybeans.com and your child’s Worry Box is overflowing with worries? If so, I have the perfect strategy for you to try called, “Worry Time.”

Like the Worry Box, this technique is so simple and so effective that it should be in every parent’s toolbox. Both the Worry Box and Worry Time strategies are forms of containment or ways to contain worries in both physical space and time. Like the strategies in the book “Shrinking the Worry Monster,” they come from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a highly regarded form of anxiety intervention. A fuller description of CBT and containment is in the above-mentioned Worry Box article.

Thinking versus Worrying

First, let’s look at the difference between thinking versus worrying. Thinking is a good thing. It can involve reflecting, reasoning, and problem-solving. It can lead to purposeful action which allows the mind to move on.

In contrast, worrying is problem solving gone amiss. What starts out as a concern, can turn into an unhealthy obsession of unresolvable problems. Most chronic worriers believe they cannot control their anxious thoughts. It is as if worriers are caught in a downward spiral where an anxious thought arises, the problem seems unsolvable, and then physical symptoms of anxiety take over. This pattern repeats over and over. It is so emotionally painful that people try anything to avoid the worry thoughts, but that usually doesn’t work. Just look at a picture of a purple cat and then tell yourself that you will not think about that cat for one minute. Chances are you will think about that cat the entire minute.

The good news is that anyone can learn to control how and when to worry. It takes using good, research-based strategies and practice. My favorite tools come from CBT and include talking back to the worry, containing the worry in a “Worry Box,” and using “Worry Time.” The last two strategies contain worries so they aren’t just running amok in the brain 24/7.

Steps for Scheduling Worry Time

The goal for Worry Time is not to stop worries, but to reduce the time spent on the anxious thoughts. The steps are a template for training your child to contain his worries within 15-20 minutes a day. Of course, it will take regular practice, but it is a very achievable goal.

Step 1: Schedule Worry Time

Set up a daily Worry Time where you will listen to your child talk about his worries for 15-20 minutes. Worry Time should be the same uninterrupted time everyday, but not 1-2 hours before bedtime. Late afternoon is often a good time.

Step 2: Explain Worry Time to Your Child

Tell your child that you and he are going to start having a special time together called Worry Time. It will happen from 4:00 to 4:20 (let’s say) and he gets to tell you everything about his worries. You will listen closely, but this is his time to talk. You may not say that any of his worries are silly, but instead you will mostly accept what he has to say. When Worry Time is over (maybe you set a timer), tell your child that you really appreciate all the concerns he has told you and you look forward to Worry Time tomorrow.

Step 3: Teach the One Rule

Teach him that there is only one rule with Worry Time. You will not listen to his worries when it is not Worry Time. You know this will be hard, but you will give him other things to do with his worries. His worries will become smaller because of Worry Time.

Step 4: What to Do When It Isn’t Worry Time

Discuss other ways to contain his worries. He can write them down and put them in the Worry Box, he can write or draw his worries in a notebook, or he can imagine putting them in a safe and locking them up. At the next Worry Time, he should pull out his Worry Box or his notebook and share everything that is in there.

Tell your child that he can also do something else when he is worried (distract). How about going outside, running the stairs, reading a book, or calling grandparents? You and your child can have fun writing down all the things he can do while he is waiting for the next Worry Time. He can also read the children’s book, Shrinking the Worry Monster, to learn ways to talk back to the worry on his own.

Most parents find this strategy seems hard at first, but their child’s worries often dissipate after time. After a few weeks, some kids actually have very few worries to report, but they want to continue their special time with their parents. If your child is very anxious, you might try scheduling Worry Time twice a day at the beginning. Of course, if your child is extremely anxious, please do talk to your health professional about getting outside help. You do not want your child’s anxiety to turn into a serious adult anxiety disorder.

Worry Time is a clever strategy that contains your child’s worries in time. When it is combined with a method to contain the worries in physical space like a Worry Box or a notebook, it is a very powerful anti-anxiety tool. And it is so easy that every parent may want to give it a try. This is such an anxious time for all of us, having anxiety-reducing tools in our parenting skill set seems imperative.

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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How You Can Teach Your Child to Be Thankful This Holiday

By Sally Baird

Thanksgiving is more than eating a big meal, watching football, and gathering with others. Amidst the frenzy of this holiday, it is easy to forget what the holiday is about—being thankful. Here are some ways you can teach your child (and yourself) to be thankful.

Being Thankful Is Good for Us
Thankfulness is about acknowledging the goodness in your life. Research shows that being thankful or grateful is strongly associated with greater happiness, more positive emotions, better health, less worry, and positive relationships.

One important study took three groups of people and gave them each the instruction to write each day for 10 minutes. Group one was to write about things they were grateful for that had occurred during the week. Group two was to write about irritations that displeased them, while group three was told to just write something. At the end of 10 weeks, the first group was measurably more optimistic, exercised more, had fewer physician visits, and felt better overall.

Research on children and thankfulness has similar outcomes. Being a thankful child improves a child’s physical and mental health and gives them a healthier outlook on life. Kids raised to be thankful at Thanksgiving, can learn to be thankful every day of the year.

Ways to Teach Kids to Be Thankful

  • Teach your child to say “Thank you.” Many kids need increased awareness about when others do something for them. For example, “Wasn’t it nice that Grandma sent you a gift?” or “I noticed that your sister let you go first” and “Did you hear your teacher give you a compliment?” Then your child may need to be prompted to say thank you for all the many things that come their way.
  • Write thank you notes often.
  • Have family thankful projects. One idea is to have a thankful jar where everyone can put in a thankful note throughout the week. At family time, notes can be pulled out and shared.
  • Develop thankful rituals. At dinner, your family can take turns saying what they are thankful for that day. Thankful rituals can also occur at bedtime, on the drive to school, on Saturday morning or whatever fits for your family.
  • Your family can perform acts of kindness. Some families volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank. Others will mow a neighbor’s lawn, make cookies for friends, or call grandparents. Then it is important to notice how it feels to be told “Thank You!”
  • Model being a thankful person yourself.
  • Look for the silver lining. For example, when a soccer game is cancelled, one can be thankful to not stand in the rain, or if one fails a test, at least they had the chance to learn from the test and try again.

This Thanksgiving, take the opportunity to teach your child to be thankful not just on this holiday but throughout the year. We know that being a thankful child and adult leads to better physical and emotional states. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

—Sally Baird, PhD is a retired child psychologist and co-author of the book Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid’s Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. 

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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Is Halloween Scaring Your Kids? Here’s How to Help Them Conquer Their Fear

By Sally Baird

Let’s face it. Halloween is about scaring others and being scared. It is one of the most anticipated holidays of the year, but it can involve blood, gore, scary faces, loud noises, darkness, and going to stranger’s homes. Whoa! How does this fit with trying to keep children’s worry level low? With some understanding and pre-planning, the holiday can actually help children with anxiety. Here are some things to consider plus eight tips to decrease your children’s Halloween worries.

Learn Mastery over Fear

Although Halloween can be a great stressor for children and parents, it can also be the perfect time to address worries in a positive and skill-building way. Psychologists tell us that in order to master anxiety:

  • We must identify our fear
  • Eecide whether the feared event is harmful or not
  • If it is not harmful, then address the fear in a positive way
  • Keep building on the success experience

Here are two examples:

Last year, Zoe became very frightened by the scary costumes, the dark, and the noises at Halloween. This year, her parents went to look at costumes ahead of time to see that even really scary costumes were just fabric and plastic, not monsters. Then they spent time outdoors at night and made loud, scary noises for fun, showing Zoe that the dark and the noises were not harmful. Finally, together they came up with things Zoe could do when she feels afraid; like taking deep breaths, talking with her parents, and telling herself that Halloween scary things are not real. (For more ideas, here’s a book on children and worry for more ideas.)

Also last year, Jonathan became very scared of a giant yard dragon decoration and he wouldn’t even walk down the street where it was. At the time, his parents wisely didn’t force him to go down that street, but later they found a costume similar to the dragon and let him play with it all he wanted. As he took the costume on and off and made-up games with the dragon, he learned that the dragon wasn’t real and he could master the fear.

Tips to Decrease Halloween Worries & Be Safe

There are specific things you can do this Halloween to lower your child’s (and your own) anxiety.

1. Even Dr. Fauci says it’s okay to trick-or-treat this year, but do have your kids wear a mask (not with their costume mask so they can breathe better) and stay outdoors. When you accompany them, bring a flashlight and hand sanitizer.

2. With your kids, take the time to learn where Halloween originated. It is a centuries old fascinating holiday where folks used to carve turnips, not pumpkins. 

3. Help your kids learn the difference between fantasy versus reality. Tell them that the scary costumes and decorations are for fun, with only people in the outfits. There are no real monsters. Go to a Halloween store ahead of time to look at all the costumes. Then practice mastery over fear by saying “These are just pretend and silly costumes. They won’t hurt anyone.” Your kids will quickly get the hang of it.

4. Involve your kids in Halloween’s activities like carving pumpkins and creating a Halloween costume.

5. Create new family traditions for Halloween. You can read books on scary tales of monsters, spiders, or bats that have happy endings. One good book is the Shrinking the Worry Monster, which will address monsters and worry at the same time.

6. If your kids melt down during a trick-or-treat visit; stay calm, reassure your child, and tell the hostess that your child is just learning about Halloween.

7. If you are the hostess at the door, keep germ contamination to a minimum. Wear a mask, you be the one to pass out individually wrapped candy, and do not invite kids indoors.

8. If you or your child really don’t want to go out to folks’ houses this year, that’s okay. Have a Halloween gathering in your house with your family and friends. It’s really about keeping a tradition and being joyful.

Halloween doesn’t have to be a major stressor for a family. In fact, it can be a great learning experience to help children gain skills in mastering fear. So go out, enjoy Halloween, and be sure to have fun!

—Sally Baird, PhD is a retired child psychologist and co-author of Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid’s Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. See her website at www.drsallyb.com. She is available for zoom events for both kids and parents to learn ways to decrease children’s worry.

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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The 9 Most Helpful Children’s Worry Books

By Sally Baird

Many books on children’s anxiety have been written, but which ones really help? How many of these books are based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a method considered to be the most effective in lowering anxiety? Not so many. This article will help you separate the “cute” worry books from the really effective ones that you and your child will use over and over.

For this article, I reviewed many children’s anxiety picture books. I was somewhat dismayed that only a few are solidly based on CBT (described below) or any other research-based techniques to reduce worry. The first 5 books listed are rooted in CBT and are highly recommended. The remaining 4 are popular children’s worry picture books that will give your child an opportunity to discuss worry. These picture books go up to age 12 years.

CBT in Children’s Worry Books

First, let’s learn about CBT. This science-based method is based on changing the thoughts and behaviors that trigger or worsen anxiety. There are three main steps in CBT:

1. Identify the negative thoughts. For example, “My Worry Monster is telling me that Mom won’t pick me up after school.”

2. Challenge the negative thoughts. Following our example, “You are wrong Worry Monster, you lie!” The child can say it, write it, or draw it. It is very empowering to talk back to a worry.

3. Replace the negative thought. Ideally, a child should replace the worry with what is true. For example, “You are a liar, Worry Monster. My mom is coming to pick me up after school!!”

Another strategy in CBT is containment, which means containing a worry in space or time as discussed in the fifth book.

1. Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid’s Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries  by Sally Baird, Ph.D. and Kathryn O. Galbraith

“Worry Monster has been whispering mean things to kids and making them feel terrible. Now it is up to Brooklyn and Jackson to discover the monster’s secret—and stop him!” This delightful story, written by a child psychologist and a children’s book author, is based on all three steps of CBT and offers time-tested methods to help overcome worry and fear. Several appendices help parents and caregivers use CBT tools most effectively. 

2. Wilma Jean and the Worry Machine by Julia Cook

Meet Wilma, who worries so much she is a worry machine! This fun book, written by a school counselor, offers CBT strategies in the form of identifying worries and then challenging the worry by deciding whether it is controllable or not.

3. What To Do When You Worry Too Much, A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner, PhD

“Did you know that worries are like tomatoes? You can’t eat them, but you can make them grow, simply by paying attention to them.” This clever workbook uses CBT to help kids overcome anxiety. It contains lively metaphors and how-to-steps sprinkled throughout. This may be the “grandmother” of all worry self-help books! 

4. Help Your Dragon Deal with Anxiety by Steve Herman

Dragon was wasting time “over worry and distress. He suffered from anxiety and fretted to excess!” The pet dragon has many identified worries and asks numerous “What if” questions. Worries are identified in this rhyming book with steps 2 and 3 of CBT subtly identified. 

5. The Worry Box: A Picture Book for Comforting Anxious Children by Suzanne Chiew

“Murray Bear is supposed to go to the waterfall with his sister, Molly, to meet a friend, but Murray is worried.” This lovely picture book uses the CBT technique of containment. Murray has many worries which keep him from activities, but he finds that when he puts the worries in a box, he can have fun. 

6. When My Worries Get Too Big by Kari Dunn Buron

“Sometimes kids have worries, but they also have things they are very good at.” The book does an excellent job of identifying worries with a focus on rating the worry and then using relaxation techniques to lower anxiety. Although not CBT, it is a very useful book. 

7. Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival

One day Ruby “finds something unexpected. A Worry. It’s not a big Worry at first. But every day it grows a little bigger.” Ruby identifies that she has a worry, however there are no examples of what worries she has or how to talk back to a worry. 

8. The Don’t Worry Book by Todd Parr

“Sometimes you worry. Worrying happens when you feel afraid something bad is going to happen.” The author identifies numerous worries for small children. The worries are not challenged or replaced, but rather distracting and comforting activities are provided. 

9. Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes

“Wemberly worried about everything.” “Then it was time for school to start. And Wemberly worried even more.” This book does an excellent job of identifying many worried thoughts. There are many online activities related to this book. 

What You Need to Know about Children’s Worry Books

When choosing a worry book for your child, do get one that really helps your child with anxiety. In one creative form or another, the first five reviewed books give children and caregivers important CBT steps to identify, challenge, replace, or contain the worry thoughts that are plaguing them. The remaining books are valuable in opening a conversation with your child about worry and in offering other strategies to reduce anxiety. If you know of other researched-based books on worry, please do submit your thoughts on my website so others can see them.

 

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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This Clever DIY Worry Box Helps Kids with Worry & Sleep

By Sally Baird

What if there was a DIY Worry Box that helped reduce your child’s worry, improved her sleep, and gave you a fun activity to do with her? What if the idea behind the craft was based on research-based strategies that successfully lowered anxiety? Would you be interested? Of course!

More than ever, we need help reducing our anxiety. Research shows that the mental health toll on children (and their parents) from the pandemic is growing. In other words, our children are showing ever more symptoms of anxiety, poor sleep, and feeling lonely and uncertain. With online school, we expect anxiety to only get worse. In addition, many parents are with their children 24/7 and are desperate for activities that will calm their kids. A DIY Worry Box offers a way to keep the worries in check, improve sleep, AND make a fun craft.

As a child psychologist who specialized in work with anxious children, I often had kids write down their worries and put the paper in a “Worry Box.” The relief for most children was immediate because they could name their worry, write it down, and then put the paper into a closed container. The worry was contained and felt more manageable. Initially, I used a simple box with a lid and named it the Worry Box. With the writing of my children’s book on worry, the Worry Box was enhanced to be a child-created monster that can be as unique, crazy, or silly as the child wants.

The simple-sounding idea of putting a written worry in a Worry Box (containment) comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is widely regarded as the most effective way to manage anxiety in both children and adults. Before learning to make the Worry Box, let’s learn more about containment and why it is so effective.

Containment

Containment is one of the basic principles of CBT. An analogy can help to understand it better. Imagine a yellow dandelion flower. The immature seeds are contained within the yellow flower and are not reproducing. But when the flower changes to a white fluffy seedhead, the mature seeds scatter in the wind. The seeds are no longer contained and they spread everywhere! Soon there are hundreds of new dandelions. If only you could contain all those seeds before they spread.

Now imagine that the mature dandelion seeds are worries. With the slightest provocation and without a container, worries can scatter everywhere. The worries can spread to bother a child (or an adult) anywhere and anytime. If you were just able to hold the worries in a container, they would feel manageable. You know you CANNOT contain mature dandelion seeds, but you CAN contain worries!

How to Make a Worry Box    

Children will feel more in control (and have fun) if they are the ones to make their own container to hold their worries. You can make a worry box out of any kind of container. This Worry Box is designed to look similar to the big green Worry Monster in the author’s book. The difference between a Worry Box and Worry Monster is that the Worry Box holds your worries for you (a good thing) and the Worry Monster takes the worries in so he can grow bigger and scare you more (not so good).

For this Worry Box, supplies include a tissue box, chenille pipe cleaners, wiggle eyes, glue, an egg carton, acrylic paint, markers, stapler, puffballs, and foam sheets.

1. Paint the tissue box with acrylic.
2. Cut the foam to make teeth and hands.
3. Stick pipe cleaners into the box sides for arms and then staple the hands to the arms.
4. Cut and glue an egg carton for the top of head and glue on eyes.
5. Stick a pipe cleaner in for the sign and write “FEED ME WORRIES!”.

That’s it! A tutorial on how to make the box will be available on my website.

Your monster could be any color and have anything added to it. There are endless ideas on the internet. Let this monster be your child’s creation. The important concept is to have a mouth or a slot where your child can insert a paper with a written or drawn worry.

How to Use a Worry Monster Box

The Worry Box is ideal for preschoolers through teens. After the box is made, show your child how to use it. Tell her that when a worry pops up, she can write or draw the worry to put into the monster’s mouth. If necessary, you can write the worry for her, but you shouldn’t get into a big discussion about the worry at that time. The main ideas are that the child is learning to contain her worry with very little adult help and the worry is being released from the child into a container. Tell your child that any number of worries, big or small, can be put in the monster’s mouth.

Ideally don’t peek at the worries, instead make it a safe place for your child. Then set up a Worry Time (another form of containment in time) each day to discuss the worries.

To help with sleep, have your child write down her worries just before bedtime and then put them in the Worry Box to be safely held. She can also put the Worry Box under her bed so she can write down worries that might bother her in the middle of the night. Children often have great success with this.

Of course, you want to help your child with his or her worry and sleep problems and you want to have fun with your kids. So get out your crafts and get to work!

Sally Baird, PhD is a retired child psychologist and co-author of a new book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kids’ Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. See her website at www.drsallyb.com. If your child has worries about COVID-19, you may want to read Dr. Sally’s blog on helping kids who worry about the pandemic, school, illness, and so much more!

This post originally appeared on www.drsallyb.com.

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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Shrinking the Worry Monster When Worries Are Real

By Sally Baird

“What if you get sick? Why can’t I play with my friends? Will we have enough money to eat? What is a coronavirus? Mommy, I’m scared…”

These may be just some of the questions and comments you are hearing from your worried child during this time of the COVID-19 pandemic. As a child psychologist and co-author of the new children’s book Shrinking the Worry Monster, I know that children are more anxious now than ever before. Our successful children’s book is the story of Worry Monster who tells children lies so they will worry, but he is finally is stopped by two brave kids who discover his secret. 

But in the new reality of living with the coronavirus, what if some of the worries the kids hear from Worry Monster are true? Parents really could get sick.  Kids aren’t seeing their friends. Kids have reasons to fear the virus. So can a book about a lying Worry Monster and the use of calming strategies still be helpful to children? Absolutely! In fact, worry-shrinking ideas are even more important to use now. The following research-based strategies are some of the best ways to reduce anxiety in your whole family.

 

Get Control of Your Own Anxiety

You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t anxious right now. But it is important for you to manage your own anxiety for the sake of both you and your children. Explore the topic online and you will find many good discussions on self-care, but you can also use the ideas described below for yourself. They really work!

 

Identify Your Child’s Worries

The goals here are to normalize your child’s worries and to acknowledge that some, but not all of their worries, could be real. Start by asking open-ended questions like the following:

  • What do you know about COVID-19?
  • How has your life changed because of the coronavirus?
  • Tell me about your feelings.
  • Many of us have worries about the virus right now, even Mom and Dad. Does it cause you any worry? If so, what are your worries?

Be very open and accepting of their answers. Remember that they are taking a risk in telling you their fears when they know you are already nervous. Don’t be surprised by any of their worries. Some will mirror yours and others will appear to have come out of nowhere and not make any sense to you. Treat each worry with respect.

Then take a sheet of paper and put a line down the middle. On the left side, you or your child write down the worries in a column. Then…

Divide the Worries into Very Realistic versus Less Realistic Worries

Now that you have a worry list, take each worry and talk about the probability of the worry really happening. Help your child rate each worry from one to five, with five being very likely. Put this number beside the worry. Next, have an open discussion about the worry by listening to your child’s viewpoint as well as offering your own calming suggestions. Then have your child re-rate the worry.

Let’s say the worry is “I won’t see my friends again.” Ask your child how likely that is and have them come up with an initial rating number. You might respond with a comment like “I bet we can think of ways to see your friends in a new way right now.”

You might talk about virtual meeting time with FaceTime or Zoom or seeing each other from a distance in a park. Encourage creative, yet safe ideas. Have your child re-rate the worry.

Don’t be surprised if the worry rating goes down after the discussion. Why? Because you have helped your child face the worry, talked about the low probability of the worry being completely true, and you have reassured your child that you will be there to keep her safe. You have become the source of facts, not fear.

 

Talk Back to the Worry

The next step can be very fun. In our book, we discuss talking back to Worry Monster who is trying to trick us with scary thoughts. Now it is your child’s turn to talk back to each worry. On the right side of your worry paper, have your child come up with responses to each worry. The goal is to reply to their exaggerated worry with a more measured, less reactive, and realistic response.

Here are some possible collective responses:

  • I can see my friends over a screen.
  • I will get to spend screen time with my grandparents who are teaching me to cook.
  • It is fun to be home with my family.
  • Most people aren’t going to get sick and most everyone who gets sick, will get better. 
  • There are smart people in charge of this problem.
  • My parents and I already have a list of what fun things we are going to do together.
  • Worry Monster, go jump in a lake!

 

Take Additional Steps to Be Healthy

There are many suggestions in the media about how to keep your child healthy and engaged with activities. Consider exercise, new skills like cooking, crafts, or gardening, kid’s yoga, meditation, daily talks with grandparents, or a family reading challenge. The possibilities are endless. It is important that you stay on a schedule and make sure everyone gets enough sleep.

Learning to shrink the Worry Monster has never been so important. Because of the coronavirus, our collective anxiety is very high. By using these research-based tools to help your child (and yourself) manage the worries, you and your child can reduce your concerns and even have fun together practicing them. Now is absolutely the best time to start Shrinking the Worry Monster!

 

 

I am a child psychologist who specializes in children's anxiety. I just published a top seller children's book titled Shrinking the Worry Monster, A Kid's Guide for Saying Goodbye to Worries. I love sharing ideas about decreasing worry in children, especially now. I also love to hike and bike in beautiful Pacific NW. 

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Managing Anxiety & Stress in Our Kids

By Dana Sheridan

Let’s face it…life is stressful! Many of us have become masters of the art of multitasking. At the end of the day, sometimes we can’t even imagine how we got everything done and kept everyone alive and well. 

With stress, brings anxiety. The “worry monster” begins to creep up inside our brains about what tomorrow may bring or what the future holds for our family. The way we manage stress as parents directly impacts the way our children learn to manage stressors. 

Control Affects Anxiety

A feeling of lack of control sends our anxiety into a tailspin. When we feel we don’t have control over things in our life then we get anxious. Children are the same. If you think about it, children really don’t have control over much in their lives. The adults make the majority of decisions for them. We think that we know what’s best for them. 

The Impact from Today’s Society

Our children are experiencing many stressors in today’s world beginning at an early age. We tend to have the mentality that more is better. We are enrolling our children in as many activities as we can to make them “well rounded” individuals. Personally, my husband and I are raising girls that are entering high school this year. We are finding that the academic and extracurricular expectations for them are overwhelming. We have the lingering thought of…“Are they doing enough to get into a good college?” If we take a step back and look at our children’s daily schedules, they are busier than we are! We tend to forget that downtime can be beneficial. When we provide our children with time to unwind, we are fostering other important attributes to come out such as self-care, exploration, and creativity. 

Warning Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal part of childhood. Anxiety can be useful at times since it makes us more assertive and aware of our surroundings. The issue occurs once anxiety begins to negatively impact our ability to function in our everyday lives. Anxiety Disorders are among one of the most common mental, emotional, and behavioral problems to occur during childhood and adolescence. Children with a diagnosed Anxiety Disorder experience fear, nervousness, and shyness to a degree where they begin to avoid places and activities. 

Here are some warning signs to look for:

  • Preoccupation with worries and fears

  • Avoidance of social contact 

  • Difficulty sleeping

  • Loss of appetite

  • Physical expression of feelings (i.e.: emotional outbursts, aggression)

  • Psychosomatic symptoms (i.e.: complaining of physical ailments)

  • Retreating/shutting down

What Can We Do?

The main thing we can do is pay close attention to how we manage our own stress. Notice how you internally and externally express yourself when you are faced with a major stressor. Children look to the adults in their life for guidance when they are faced with a stressor. Remember, the energy we put out (whether positive or negative) directly impacts the energy we receive back. If our emotions are regulated, our children’s emotions are more likely to be regulated as well. In some situations, we need to act like a duck in the water where you are calm and collected on the surface even if your legs are freaking out below the surface. It’s all about the “game face.” Remember that you can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself at first. Visualize the safety video played before an airplane flight…you first put the overhead mask on yourself before you assist with putting it on someone else. 

Here are some things to remember:

  • Give your child as many choices as possible (it’s their life so let them have some freedom in what activities they choose to participate in)

  • Let your child choose activities they are passionate about

  • Power struggles are not very relaxing

  • Take some time to lower your own distress level before you intervene

  • Begin with a conversation that validates your child’s feelings

  • When your child begins to communicate, don’t interrupt

  • Maintain a positive and calm attitude

  • Be nonjudgmental regarding your child’s thoughts or feelings 

  • Focus on one thing at a time

  • Concentrate on the anxious emotions, rather than any outward behavior the child previously exhibited

  • Recognize and praise small accomplishments

  • Don’t punish mistakes or lack of progress

  • Be flexible, but try to maintain a normal routine

  • Plan for transitions and provide a heads up for any changes

 

Before joining Village, Dana worked in public education for fourteen years as a Special Education Counselor, Autism Coordinator, Special Education Supervisor, and Assistant Director of Special Programs. Throughout her educational career, Dana assists students, parents, and staff with the social/emotional component of learning. She enjoys spending time with family, traveling, and shopping.

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