There are certain moments as a parent when it literally feels like the entire universe has it in for you. No matter how bad your worst mom days are, however, it could always be worse as one mom’s hilarious viral Facebook post about poop on a slide illustrates.
Mom, Brittany Nichole Berry, took to Facebook to share her epic mom fail and let’s just say after reading this you’ll never leave the house without a full stock of baby wipes ever again. Berry’s post begins with an ominous warning, “I’ve debated on sharing this, just because it’s so embarrassing and I failed as a mother on so many different levels. But….. I think it needs to be said, if only to serve as birth control for the younger generation. Fair warning…. TMI AND POOP!”
As Berry explains she and her daughters were on an impromptu visit to the park when disaster struck. “At one point Sadie goes down the slide and then walks in front of me and I see ‘wet’ shorts. I think, ‘okay she’s peed out of her diaper, no big deal,'”Berry writes. “Then I start to change her and I realize it’s a poop-trophe.”
Every parent has experienced a “poop-trophe” moment at some point, what really set this one apart is what happened after she discovered she only had four wipes. “I start cleaning her up and there’s only FOUR wipes. This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop. So I start looking for more wipes in the van. At this point, Sadie’s just standing there naked in an empty (thank God) the parking lot, with poop up her back in her hair, down her legs to her knees, even on her shoes, because taking her clothes off did not go as smoothly as one would hope,” she writes.
And then things really kick into fourth gear. “I turn my back, frantically searching for more wipes. Nothing. I had just cleaned out the van yesterday. I got out any and all extraneous wipes, clothes, everything. I KNOW there’s no other wipes in there, but I search anyway. Then I hear it…. that painful SQQQUUUEEEAAAKKKKK of skin getting stuck to a plastic slide on the way down. I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.”
The only saving grace is that the park has remained empty this entire time. Berry decides the only thing she can do is wrap her daughter in a blanket, buckle her and head home, but she doesn’t feel good about leaving behind a poop-streaked slide so she rushes the five-minute drive home to grab some Clorox wipes. She returns and parks the car with the kids inside and AC running and is thankful that the park is still empty.
“I get the brilliant idea to go down the slide and wipe as I go. Instead of risking a head injury I decide to go down feet first, on my stomach, holding on to the side to slow myself down with one hand and wiping with the other. This was not easy. I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure. I’m 254lbs of sweaty fat flopping around this children’s slide like a fish out of water,” she writes. “When I get to the bottom, I’m finally satisfied with my cleaning job. I turn and see a car parked, a family, all of them with glaring at me…. I dunno how long they were there. I never heard them pull up. They never got out of the car. I genuinely think that we’re afraid of me, after all, I was an overweight seemingly childless adult, on children’s playground equipment.”
Finally she looks down only to discover that her shirt is covered in poop. “Of course, I went down feet first. My clothes got the bulk of the poop. ” She continues, “I am NOT getting that on my seat belt. I am not getting a ticket or dying from not wearing a seat belt, no matter how short the drive. So,….. I do the only thing I can think to do….. I drive home in my bra. That family is scarred for life I’m sure…”
And that is by far the funniest poop-trophe story of all time.
—Shahrzad Warkentin
Featured photo: Courtesy of Brittany Nichole Berry
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