Friday, September 7, 2012 is National Lazy Mom’s Day. About time the spotlight was wrenched from those infamous Helicopter Parents who somehow have the energy to schedule their young ones’ playdates, prepare wholesome foods from scratch, help with homework, and worry about the future should they somehow end up waitlisted for a Baby Ivy pre-school. About time equal love was shown for those moms who are happy to just end the day with the same number of kids they started with (give or take a missing shoe or lunch box). Fortunately, in New York City, being a lazy mom is a snap. For every task you simply don’t feel like completing (or starting), fear not, there’s a handy service to pick up the slack!
Sleep with a Professional
Lazy Moms need their beauty rest. And kids who wake up repeatedly in the middle of the night just aren’t compatible with that. Sure, you could bring them into bed with you, or rock them endlessly to sleep every night, or use the Cry It Out method. Or you could outsource the job. Both NYC Sleep Doctor and The Baby Sleep Doctor will come to your house and teach your infant or toddler to sleep. The latter will even bring forms so that your insurance will pay for it.
A Dirty Job
Changing diapers is bad enough for a Lazy Mom, but, when it comes to potty training, that’s when the poop really hits the fan. Luckily, there’s an NYC psychologist available to analyze your kiddo through the process. Or, if you’re feeling less Freud and more Pavlov, try The Potty Trainer. They even offer a free mini-course to try out at home.
In a Manner of Speaking
Saying “please” and “thank you,” shaking hands, looking people in the eye, using a knife and fork correctly, not embarrassing you in public…These are all skills parents would like their kids to have. But, what kind of Lazy Mom has the time to instruct and drill and repeat and follow up? Or even to set a good example? Good thing The Etiquette School of New York offers a Children’s Training Series, complete with Table Manners, First Impressions and a Mini-Charm School for girls only (guess, boys don’t have to be charming? Where does that leave Prince Charming?). Afraid your tyke isn’t ready to be out among people yet? World Class Business Etiquette has one on one sessions for Future World Class Business Leaders – ages 6 and up.
Elementary, My Dear
Applying to Kindergarten in New York City, public or private, is no child’s play. There are tests to be arranged (and prepped for), interview appointments to be made, tours to be scheduled, forms to be filled out, and massive research to be done. Lazy Moms can turn to a variety of consultants happy to do the leg-work for you. And to make sure your little genius aces the Gifted & Talented assessment, there are also folks who promise to teach them everything they need to know for it.
New Math, old novels…What Lazy Mom wants to bother figuring out whether the exclamation point in this case means factorial or the number is just really excited? Especially when New York City itself has set up a website where kids can get help with their homework without involving you. It’s government sanctioned, for goodess’ sake. What more proof do you need that NYC stands proudly behind Lazy Moms? Of course, if you’re one of those estion Authority/Resist Big Brother types, there are also private options who won’t report your kids’ web searches to Homeland Security. Probably.
You Get a Fast Car
Alas, even the most perfect of schools has a fundamental problem: You still have to get your kid there. And back. Lazy Moms of the past might have depended on the bus. But, who has the energy to wait outside at your designated stop? Especially if the weather is too cold? Or too hot? Or looks like it might rain? Forget the bus and get door to door service with Kid Car New York. They serve Manhattan and Brooklyn, and even provide their own car-seats, so you don’t have to wrestle with all those straps.
Someone’s In the Kitchen With…
Everyone agrees that kids deserve a home-cooked meal. But, no one said it had to be cooked by you. Kitchen Surfing presents dozens of chefs and cuisines for you to choose from. They’ll come to your home, and they will cook in it. Ta-da! A home-cooked meal. But, if even that’s too much for a Lazy Mom, Mothers and Menus, as well as Home-Cooking For You, will deliver. Food cooked in someone else’s home still counts.
Eyes on the Prize
Nothing is more important than a healthy mind in a healthy body (no matter what Mom’s Lazy Lifestyle might suggest). Teaching your kid basic soccer, baseball, and tennis skills not only ensures a lifetime of health and fun, but also social ease and teamwork. So make sure the private coach you hire to toss the ball around in your stead comes highly recommended.
Party Like You Didn’t Have to Plan It
Invitations. RSVPs. Food. Drinks. Cake. Games. Music. Puppets. Magician. Hats. Streamers. Horns. Space. Goodie Bags. Set Up. Clean Up. Lazy Moms know people who’ll take care of all that for you. You are never too young to have a party planner. Or too old to hire one.
Birds Do It, Bees Do It; Parents Would Rather Not
Finally, the one thing all moms and dads feel some hesitation about is discussing the facts of life with their kids (i.e. How You Got Here and Made Me a Lazy Mom in the First Place). The Connection Institute has a list of questions parents might want to ask themselves before getting started. And one of them is: Can I hire someone else to do this for me?
If you are a proud Lazy Mom, the answer to this – and all of the queries brought up above – is yes. Yes, you most certainly can. Especially in New York City!
And how will you be celebrating Lazy Moms Day? Tell us in the Comments!
— Alina Adams