I admit it. I’m a complete hypocrite. I’m not afraid to say it, and a part of me believes that I truly deserve it. The “practice what you preach” philosophy is ok to a point, but as the mom of the house, I deserve some leniency here.
Even though I’m utterly exhausted most of the time, I don’t stop until I’m cross-eyed at bedtime, mid-lullaby. As the home cleaner, shopper, chef, tutor, mom-doctor, organizer, blogger, and entrepreneur, I have confirmed my suspicion—that I am a complete hypocrite. It’s almost an art, actually, and I’m totally ok with it. I also believe that I’m not the only one, so here are my top 10 scenarios that showcase the art of hypocrisy, because we parents need a little levity to the incredible rollercoaster that is parenting. Enjoy the ride.
1. Too Much Junk in the Trunk: Just say “no” to kids’ binging on heaps of junk food… and yes to the Supermom diving elbow-deep into the Nutella jar or face-planting the pint of Ben & Jerry’s, during or after a kid tantrum.
2. Yakkity-Yak, Don’t Talk Back: “Don’t you dare talk back or raise your voice!”… and we say that while raising our voice, but of course. Busted.
3. Sleep Time On-Time: Oh the never-ending sleep issue. In all honesty, maybe we just want some more evening ME time. Maybe we know what happens when our over-tired kids run-amok in the later hours of the evening, once exhaustion sets in. Maybe we really just want them to grow and be healthy. Regardless of the reason, why is it that when Supermoms have the opportunity to go to bed early like we daydream about, we then become transfixed on prime-time tv or glaring, zombie-eyed at the world of social media?
4. Blowing a Gas-ket: Manners, manners, manners—so important to teach our kids effective manners while they’re young, right? Burping and farting all merit a big “excuse me” to learn that it’s not “nice.” But let’s be real for a moment, sometimes it just feels awesome to let a big one rip, take a big sniff, laugh about it, and maybe even boldly take all the credit.
5. Screen Time Sayonara: Supermom may be the queen of lecturing about too much screen time… yet we have no issue, whatsoever, walking around with the phone in hand for another “look” at the unimportant happenings on social media—yes, even while on the toilet.
6. Name-Calling Nonsense: “No name-calling!”… except when Supermom louses up with some less-than-classy name-calling metaphors that accurately describe the kids crawling under the table, rolling around the floor, or refusing to clean up a disaster.
7. Pick and Flick: There’s something so disgusting and soothing about cleaning house deep in the trenches of your schnoz. As we keep reminding the kids to “get your finger out of there,” for some reason, parents have no problem digging deep ourselves, and especially while driving. Do you really think that other drivers can’t see you in there? Do you really think that the nasty little boogie magically disappears just because you flicked it and can’t find it? Uh-huh.
8. Importance of the Pyramid: Supermoms love to emphasize the value in nutrition and eating a well-balanced meal. Kids may even have a stare-off with their veggies, yet if Supermom wants to have a heaping bowl of cereal or half a box of thin mints and call that dinner… then back off slowly, husbands, and don’t make any sudden moves!
9. Pet Snacks: “Don’t feed the dog table food! No more after that one, you’ll make her sick!” Supermom then turns the corner and feeds the fat dog off of the plate because those puppy eyes are too hard to resist—and she also gets to clean up the vomit the next morning. Don’t question us, just accept it.
10. Tread Lightly: On a family get-a-way, Supermom is feeling a bit over-indulgent. After moaning about her bikini bloatation, swearing to start cutting back right away, and then blaming the dryer for “shrinking” all of her pants, DO NOT say a word or even make direct eye-contact when she orders another creamy frozen drink and dessert. Just call the maintenance person to check the dryer and tell her she’s beautiful, trust me.
Feel free to share your own Supermom hypocrisies. Own it and learn to laugh about it. You are not alone in this wonderful, comical, crazy, emotional, and empowering journey called parenting.