We came up with over-the-top baby product inventions that are totally faux, but we think they stand a chance at hitting store shelves. Think the Binky Headgear sounds ridiculous? If tee pees for pee pees can sell, we say, why not? Check out our phony baby inventions and tell us if you think they’re business proposal-worthy or just plain busted.
The Mommy-n-Me Sleep Mask
What it does: Matching mom-n-baby silky sleep masks are for little divas who can’t stand to sleep in anything but complete darkness. Just like mommy, the Queen Diva.
Why we want it: The mini version of mommy’s anything is so darn cute and it can actually get baby to fall asleep? Jackpot!
What it does: Like a stick-on thermometer, Doctor Sticker can be slapped on your kid to diagnose basic illnesses. Can’t get in to see your pediatrician? Doctor Sticker can be used anywhere, anytime when baby seems sick.
Why we want it: Within a few minutes, text pops up on the dotted line that may read something like, “It’s just a cold,” “Oh, no, stomach flu,” or “There’s nothing wrong. This must be your first child.”
The Baby Formula Keurig-Thing-a-Ma-Jig
What it does: For those who go the formula route but can’t stand the smell of it, try the Baby Formula Keurig-Thing-a-Ma-Jig. Brew fresh formula in seconds in different flavors so your whole kitchen will smell like vanilla, instead of stinking like, well, uh, formula.
Why we want it: Because formula smells pretty nasty but baby has to eat!
What it does: Baby’s binky is strapped right into his mouth using a headgear-like contraption. Sure, it might give your junior high flashbacks that you’ve been trying to forget since you were 12, but at least you won’t have to pick a binky up off of the floor every 20 seconds.
Why we want it: Because picking up baby’s binky off of the floor every 20 seconds is eating away at our sanity.
Baby Changer Va-poo-rizer
What it does: This baby changer is more than just a changing table — it also has a built-in vaporizer that sucks up the stank. So the next time baby makes a mess …you know, one of those that requires a three-diaper change … the changer will make it smell like it never happened.
Why we want it: Because some diaper changes are so stinky, we actually need to move out of the house.
Baby Walker Floor Polisher
What it does: Teaches baby how to walk and shines your floors like the top of the Chrysler Builder while you lazily watch both from the couch.
Why we want it: The soft microfiber pads on the bottom of your baby’s walker polish up your floors with every step she takes, so you won’t know if you’re prouder about the walking or her actually doing chores around the house!
What do you think? Love them or leave them? Let us know in the Comments below!
— Jo Aaron